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#22280
<MegamanX2K> C'mon, of course Bush is going to play it safe with Korea. Would YOU want to have your legacy tarnished by the world's bloodiest Zerg Rush?
#7947
<fvdl> How can one fuck and wank and the same time?
<cjs> It's a secret the English have kept for centuries.
<mothra> tell fvdl: you're fucking her, but thinking of your hand.
<d@n> "oh, hand! i mean cindy!"
#34148
<DarkSong> oh lovely
<DarkSong> Microsoft has decided to do a second version of XP, before releasing Longhorn
<DarkSong> and it's codename right now is "XP Reloaded"
<TempyWork> ...
<_bla_> and it features weird slowdown effects?
<TempyWork> hah
Comment: EsperNet #AnimeDVD
#310560
<@PapaJohn> that's like the BRT in my old shop
<@PapaJohn> nobody knew what it was
<@PapaJohn> i gave briefings to very high officials using the acronym and never got asked
<@PapaJohn> oh we use this signal, run it through a typical BRT and
<@PapaJohn> brt meant Big Round Thing
<@PapaJohn> true story bro
Comment: PapaJohn is ex US military
#52170
QDB submitters, listen up:
1. Not using the comment field nearly always makes the quote funnier. For the person to understand the joke, the punchline should hit last. The comment field should ideally be moved to the top of the quote, but that's up to the people running the site.
2. Don't use the comment field for explaining context like they say on the submission page. When have you ever heard a funny joke in which someone tells it, pauses, and then says "oh yeah, and the three guys in the bar were lawyers," Explain these things before the funny part or the joke dies.
3. Leave off 'haha' or 'lol' at the end of quotes. Go look at some of the top quotes and add '<whoever> haha' to the end. See?
4. Fix misspellings and things. It's okay to want accuracy, but it's not that important here. There are a couple hilarious quotes where the punchline has an unrelated typo and it really throws the joke.
5. For one-liners and quips, the shorter it is the better. It's okay to edit for brevity and clarity.
6. The moderators are not facists. Your quote was rejected because it wasn't funny. It was funny to you, because you were there and you knew the people. Context is everything, and it's hard to detach yourself. Try changing the names in the quote to people you don't know and see if it still seems funny to you. If not, don't submit it.
7. Your quote will not be accepted just because you talk about the quote site. You are not the first person to think of self-reference.
#46537
<farax> Silence time!
<farax> If anyone talks again after his/hre last line, (s)he gets kickbanned for a day.
<farax>his/her*
*** farax sets mode: +b *!*@*.nyc*.verizon.net
*** farax has been kicked by farax (SILENCE!)
<yoo> Definitive proof that females will be the death of us all...
#37342
< dildohead> i know 2 guys who major'd in english
< dildohead> and theyre both homeless
Comment: #geekissues
#52153
(+Akiros) OMG A GIRL MSGED ME ON AIM
(+Akiros) WHEW that was awesome
(+Akiros) i logged out immediately
(+Akiros) this rocks, i bet this is what sex is like
Comment: irc.lessthanthree.us #<3
#19465
* Lotach presses his internet-relay Stab-in-eye-omatic button
#914
<Fustard> fuck
<Fustard> now im bored.
<Fustard> oh well
<Fustard> at least i have a cock and the internet.
<Fustard> ill do something with that.
#26368
<ecco> HELLO MICROSOFT WORD SPELLCHECK
<ecco> spellcheck results for 'adn': amputate, arthritis, antidisestablishmentarianism, samurai, tissue, jetpack, George Orwell
#13583
<SinclairC> Anyone been to Taco Bell lately?
<Piccolo> No. I hate mexican. :]
<SinclairC> Taco Bell isn't Mexican, it's Taco Bell
<Piccolo> No. I hate Taco Bell. :]
<SinclairC> Taco Bell isn't Taco Bell, it's hamburgers
<Piccolo> No. I hate Hamburgers. :] Cheeseburgers are a different matter.
<SinclairC> Taco Bell isn't hamburgers, it's Dragonball Z
<Piccolo> Damm you
#37249
<toku-sama> pagefault calls his father "sperm"
<toku-sama> and his mom "egg"
<pagefault> toku calls his parents test tube and eye dropper
#54306
<Daszoeb> wtf
<Daszoeb> some girls shouldnt be allowed online
<Daszoeb> seriously
<Daszoeb> she goes and buys a wireless router
<Daszoeb> takes it out of the box
<Daszoeb> it doesnt work
<Daszoeb> so she calls support
<Daszoeb> I ask if the power cord is plugged into the router
<Daszoeb> she responds "no I threw the wires away - I bought a wireless product"
<Daszoeb> then when I told her we need a power cord in the unit
<Daszoeb> she got all pissed and asked why the case said wireless
<Daszoeb> after 5 minutes of mindless debate I "accidently" pressed the mute button and after 10 minutes she hung up
#18474
<Fryth> anyone seen the movie pi
<Murdock> I saw it 3.14 times.
#14411
<PrincessLeia2> crow, i think you would be a happier person if you had a fireplace... i feel so much better after we burn junkmail
<Titu§ Crow> i would much rather burn junkppl
#2888
<AnGeLFiRe> go screw a dog
<Pharaohe> come over to my house then babe
#11145
<choconado> aggh...horrible no cut and paste in mirc :(
<Saber> yes there is
<Saber> by selecting the text it's automatically copied to your clipboard
<Saber> you need to select from left to right
<choconado> my version doesn't do that...it puts up a finger icon
<choconado> oh wait...
<choconado> dude...i've had mirc for two and a half fucking years, and i learn this NOW?!?
#33810
<splice> Pakistani president tells CNN he believes troops have surrounded al Qaeda fighters protecting "high-value target." Details soon.
<splice> goatse will be captured!
#11433
<EC> bikeracer doesn't understand biggles
<fet> no one does
<biggles> my hairdresser understands me
#103975
<Vossk> ._.
<Macrona> What?
<Vossk> I was just sitting here fapping, and I looked to my right and the window was open.
<Macrona> Someone couldve seen you, lol.
<Vossk> Theres like a 10 year old GIRL FUCKING STANDING THERE WATCHING.
<Macrona> pwned
#20517
<SteamedHams> jesus christ, it's not like insulting zirc is blasphemy for gods sake
<SteamedHams> fucking hell
<SteamedHams> moses cunt
<SteamedHams> apostle gayrape
#1636
<DragonRe> gabe: what i did to you was love goddamit
<gabe> maybe in alabama.
#34503
<TallestRed> WE MAKE HOLES IN TEETH! WE MAKE HOLES IN TEETH!
<BlasterDRP> british toothpaste company?
#9547
<Tharivol> once I had to write something on the computer on paper..
<Tharivol> i hit ctrl-c then...
<Tharivol> my brain sorta got jammed in neutral