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#117559
<BORK> wow
<BORK> my boss just told me to "Open ze portz" in his heavy accent
<45.50> what ports
<BORK> All of them, apparently. He wants everyone to fire up the torrents/P2P and start enjoying work.
<45.50> shit man can i come work for you? where do i send my resume
<BORK> The reason being, is so that in a month
<BORK> he'll be able to boost productivity by like 1000%
<45.50> how?
<BORK> by telling employee's that he'll close their ports again if they don't do some fucking work
<45.50> ...
<45.50> i want my resume back
<BORK> >:)
#28301
<BADGER> I wonder what Shakespeare would say if he ever was transported to our time and discovered goatse. "HIS ASS! This beige monstrosity mocketh me at every turn. Woe is my eyes. I owe apologies to my retinas, for such a curse have I endured on them. Woe! Woe!"
#33692
<BasSCadeT> man my cat pissed on my bed the other day (this is gross) and i rolled over into it face first
#58594
<Rose> ahaha...I remember this one time at a tattoo parlour
<Rose> and this girl wanted a tattoo on her lower back
<Rose> and she told the artist "yeah, I want something symbolic"
<Rose> so I wrote "Exit only" in chinese
Comment: #applegeeks
#5647
<Plaid> We got the "Share Minutes" plan. Call it family bondage.
#22596
<Amora_Bunny> Dragon is my pet bitch
<Dr4g0n> nope
<Dr4g0n> yep
#15738
<DWildstar> ARRRCH
<DWildstar> i told a guy at work where to find a password for a server so he
finds it then fucking privmsg's it to me on irc "is this it?"
#31858
<Karina> there are two people having mutual masturbation on my bed
<Karina> i'm going to blow.
<Gravity> what?
<Gravity> they're fingering each other on your bed?
<Karina> yes
<Gravity> male and female?
<Karina> yes
<Gravity> and are they both cute?
<Karina> yes
<Gravity> and you got on here to tell me about it ?
<Karina> yes
<Gravity> and didn't go join?
<Karina> no
<Gravity> If you have two hot people diddling around in your bed, and you're bi, and they're open, and you get on irc to tell someone else about it instad of joining/watching... You might be an addict.
#788
(sonique) i'm sensitive
(sonique) i cry at movies
(sonique) i change clothes 5 times before i go to school
(sonique) i also look at little boys with a glint of danger in my eye
#19808
<phunqe> I may have a problem
<xav> define "may" :P
<phunqe> Well... I'm painting chairs in my appartment, and 30 minutes ago or something I painted them with this transparent overcoat laque thing.
<phunqe> I think I just sat down on one of them without any clothes.
<xav> Why don't you just stand up then? And let's not talk about that no clothes thingie again ok?
<phunqe> I have a very hairy ass.
<xav> FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MAN... IT'S DRYING!!!!!
<phunqe> Ok, I'll try...
...
<phunqe> I'm stuck :(
<xav> shit happens :P
<phunqe> I sure hope not now...
#297989
(334): I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
#197642
<Foxhill> lmfao @ a debt collection agency agreeing to my offer of paying off 8086.98 in monthly installments of a pound
<Foxhill> "final repayment month - November 2694"
<Foxhill> and thats WITHOUT interest
#910
<Kury^> the other day i found out that my Uni's fire evacuation policy for ppl with wheelchairs is to 'push them into a room, close the door, escape and then give the room number to the firemen'
#11214
<Meat_PoPs> what a guy, jumps all over you then falls asleep
* Meat_PoPs shakes his head
<Mog> thats what most men would do
<Meat_PoPs> hehe
<Mog> pretend to fall asleep, plus women have a naturaly built in pillow for us
<Coan_Arcanius> hehe
<Meat_PoPs> mmm they are cushy
#74927
<@hybrid> this commercial said "PeoplePC is your best choice for dial up and find out why JD Power & Associates Ranked Us Best Customer Service Among Dial-Up Service Users"
<@hybrid> and i thought... isnt that like an award for "Happiest Wife in Abusive Relationship?"
Comment: #imagi-nation freenode
#91
<MntLKeY> heh, i made up 'heh'
<Amanda`> That's a pretty outrageous claim.
<MntLKeY> i've being sayin it since 96
#59734
KingFelix: Oh, dear, that's funny. Glad I caught that!
KingFelix: I just created a new account for the Naval Academy on one of our services, & the randomly-generated password came out as "KILLNAVY". had to fix that right quick!
#7136
* Rasputin found a student's share open on the network of 2.35 gigs of PR0n
<Rasputin> plus various movies and other crap
<Neep> Are you going to admin his ass or download it all?
<Rasputin> both, Neep. Both. :)
<Prior_Tuck> yes...but it could be illegal.
<Rasputin> What's illegal? I'm archving for possible er...administrative purposes
#55433
<Paradiddler> I love when young children spin the rims on parked vehicles
<Keru> <Paradiddler> I love young children
<peer> you just love young children
<Paradiddler> what are you implying
<Evilhomer> I think they're implying you touch children in inappropriate places, in exchange for candy.
<Paradiddler> candy is delicious. why would i give it away to grubby children
<Evilhomer> good point
#15422
<loud_as_it_getz> yea well
<@KittenAssassin> .........
<loud_as_it_getz> does n e 1 actually chat on mirc??
<@KittenAssassin> no
<Simwolf> nope
<@KittenAssassin> we chat on IRC
<Simwolf> no one at all
<@KittenAssassin> you must be in the wrong place
<Simwolf> absolutely not a FUCKING soul
<loud_as_it_getz> wich is?
<@KittenAssassin> just type /s IRC
<@KittenAssassin> and you will be re directed to IRC
*** Quits: loud_as_it_getz (mary@210.50.66.28738) (Need more parameters)
#38330
<Logik> LMFAO
<Logik> this is great
<Logik> listen up guys
<Logik> one of the hits on my website..
<Logik> os: windows 2000
<Logik> browser: explorer 6
<Logik> referer: www.search4hardcore.com
<Logik> hostname: Â library2.sagu.edu
<Nitron> o_0
<Logik> sagu = southwestern assembly of god university
#33641
* VALIS is dumb.
<VALIS> but at least I have a thick cock.
<Bisclaveret> there was something on ene of them about japs vs chinese
<Bisclaveret> valis: can i quote you on that?
<Kurt> what are you going to do, tell chicks you have a big dick, then when they discover the truth say you were quoting someone on irc?
#39055
<DreamDemon> i got an awesome Bon Jovi/Vanilla Ice remix
<DreamDemon> weird i know but its really good
<MeRCedEs> i love those mixes
<DreamDemon> Living on a prayer
<MeRCedEs> mashups
<ct> where's the puke icon when you NEED it?
#42060
<Saikouro> they are showing a program about Analsex on discovery right now!!
* FURYO has quit IRC (Client closed connection)
* GABATOM has quit IRC (Client closed connection)
* dewit4 has quit IRC (Client closed connection)
<Saikouro> ROFL
Comment: #sushi
#301846
<blast007> I just think of me being single as doing two things to benefit the world: I'm helping control the population, and I'm putting a lawyer out of work.