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#54059
<mmap> i have a mormon friend that i corrupted, he'll drink a beer with me now :P
<_Arthur> Hey, I'm a Catholic (lapsed)
<Feldegast> _Arthur so do u or do u not belive in little rubber things?
<mmap> pencil erasers?
#40411
<T-Wolf> man, my girlfriend left me for some faggot named robert
<RdAwG20> you don't live in Hope mills do you?
<T-Wolf> ya, why man?
<RdAwG20> lol, just wondering, was her namne alisson?
<T-Wolf> you mother fucker
Comment: the funniest thing you will read in a while
#65001
<swight> hope colbert wins an emmy
<timmo> pz
<timmo> emmy for most likely to get shot in the face by the cia
<timmo> for mocking the president
<swight> cia doesn't shoot people in the face, that's the vice prez
<timmo> touche
Comment: #geekissues
#14946
<Dane-lo_brown[DJedi]> I got in trouble in school cause my Espanol teacher asked what architecture we learned from the latinos and i said cardboard boxes
#17959
<celebrity_nitwit> scrotum
<W0RMW00D> scrotum
<d1rge> damn im hungry
#25094
<ljl> Linux Barbie - comes with a Tux keychain, a set of Distro on CDs, a set of linux stickers for the computer, and be dressed in a linuxy t-shirt and jeans
* val wants Linux Barbie to have recorded messages
<ljl> "lets build a custom kernel"
<val> "Compiling is easy!"
<jennyw> Of course, Linux Barbie would be programmable. But you'd have to figure out how to connect to her over a serial connection without X.
<jennyw> Then there'd be skipper, her little script kiddie sister ...
<ljl> skipper: "I 0wn3d dads Windoze box, and I can print his checks"
#296857
Pandy strokes Toolmaker
<Pandy> oh god
<Pandy> i have a story
<Pandy> a rl story
<Pandy> a friend of mine got robbed in january, he came home to find this scummy dundee junkie taking his xbox and some other stuff from his flat
<Pandy> so naturally he tried to block the door so the guy couldn't leave
<Pandy> the guy then ran into his kitchen and got a knife and waved it around
<Pandy> so he just let the guy go and then called the cops and they came over and found the guy waiting for a bus round the corner with all his stuff
<Pandy> so anyway
<Pandy> turns out this guy pleaded not guilty
<Pandy> so it went to court
<Pandy> last week
<Pandy> my friend didn't really get why
<Pandy> but
<Pandy> the story that the robber came up with
<Pandy> was that my friend met him at a bus stop and asked him to come back to his flat and he would pay him 40 quid to wank him off
<Evil STEVE> loooooooooooooool
<Pandy> and then apparently my friend forgot that he had no money
<Pandy> so he gave him some stuff from his flat
<Pandy> instead
<Pandy> including his xbox and a kitchen knife
<Pandy> and there was a jury and shit
<Pandy> and the guy got put away for 3 years
<Pandy> BUT
<dcower> rofl
<Pandy> it was a majority verdict
<Pandy> so at least one dundee juror thinks my friend pays scummy dundee neds for handjobs
<Pandy> he was like :(
Evil STEVE laughs out loud
<Pandy> and even worse this class of students were in the court on day one
<Pandy> when the robber was being cross examined
<Pandy> so they heard all of his hilarious handjob story
Toolmaker si roolign on teh florr laugihrng @ Pandy to hard t0 stpo!111!!111
<Pandy> then never came back the next day to hear the verdict
#4383
<Real> I found a hooker with a heart of gold. I TORE IT OUT AND MELTED IT DOWN FOR DRUG MONEY!
#53334
<aCiD2> hey, im using sdl with opengl
<aCiD2> and my program runs at about 2fps when the mouse is still and 60 when it moves
<aCiD2> any ideas why?
<aCiD2> ah nvm
<aCiD2> im being an idiot (drawing code is in sdl_pollevent loop o.O)
#29633
<innocent-eyez> i have a love/hate relationship with morons...
<innocent-eyez> i love to mock their stupidity and hate them for being stupid at the same time
#3791
<ScumDog> in some ways, I wish I could sit around picking bananas all day
#46332
--> Neoburner has joined #linux
<Neoburner> i need some bad help lol
<psauxf> ok
<psauxf> we can provide bad help very easily
<psauxf> first, rm -rf /etc/
<psauxf> then run cfdisk and delete any partitions that you find
<psauxf> if that doesn't work, install RedHat 6.0 and don't patch anything
#11322
<RunninRaven> I don't think I have once asked Jeeves a damn thing
<moestavern19> I asked him once where i could find some kick-ass porn
<RunninRaven> What did he say?
<moestavern19> he said kickassporn.com
#27183
* Joins: cybergeek (~cybergeek@riscy.net-20F8CEF6.cable.mindspring.com)
<cybergeek> help!
<cybergeek> i need to think of something that my g/f and i can do, that doesn't require any amount of nudity
<cybergeek> also must be something that does not involve spending muchos monitos, does not involve revel fires, does not involve frisbee, does not involve Monty Python (cuz i haven't converted her yet)
<Heretic> Cuddle beneath a tree in the warm summer night.
<cybergeek> good idea
<cybergeek> only problem is it rained earlier, so it's all wet now
<Heretic> Get a blow dryer.
#6545
<Goodlookinguy17> if anyone wants to cyber with a hot 17 year old male, message me
<Owaru> if anyone wants to hear desperate pleas of attention by a decrepit 17 year old weirdo, msg me!
<Owaru> i'll make you sound like you're normal!
#301632
< Jeros> im off to a wild cocaine fuelled sex party with supermodels tonight
< Jeros> ......actully im installing ubuntu but shits the same
< xoebus> both times you wake up trying to remember where your night has gone and vowing that you will never do it again?
#6569
<skullY_> <-- Feels really bright now
<barkode> did you get a new lamp?
#33662
<DimaV> Anglophobia - Fear of Englishness
<DimaV> wow, some one in the world there are people scared of men with huge sideburns who shout "God save the Queen!", drink tea and play cricket.
<joe> i'd be scared if i seen one
#932
<livewire> I would like to put those fuckers who are protesting bonsaikitten.com in glass bottles
#33775
<O`Slice> silicon, get your dremel
<O`Slice> i need to get my teeth fixed
<O`Slice> can you make killer designs on my teeth?
<O`silicon> hmm
<O`Slice> and then place a window on my cheeks
<O`Slice> so all can see
<O`Slice> and have LEDs
<O`silicon> how about a 80mm fan for hot food/drinks
<O`Slice> yes
<O`Slice> i was thinking of watercooling it
<O`Slice> but whatever you can do
<O`Live> large fans with fan blades made up of smaller fans
#36900
<rhyno> okay
<rhyno> I must be losing my mind
<rhyno> I just walked to the PJ station
<rhyno> because I can't find my car keys
<rhyno> and they were right fucking here an hour ago
<DaemonX> pj station?
<rhyno> yeah
<rhyno> gas station
<rhyno> but the thing was
<rhyno> I was going there to get gas
<DaemonX> without your car?
<rhyno> and I couldn't find my keys
<rhyno> so I just thought "I'll walk"
<rhyno> go all the way up there.. and I'm like "wtf was I going here for.."
<rhyno> "OH YEAH! DUMBASS!"
<rhyno> then walked back
<DaemonX> ... i can't even comment on that
#50193
(@kex) "Tomorrow: Showery rains containing strong gusty winds and heavy downpours at times. High around 85F. Winds SSW at 50 to 70 mph. Rainfall over two inches. Winds could occasionally gust over 70 mph early."
(@kex) i love how weather channel doesn't just say "Tomorrow: Hurricane."
#3363
<Nettik> I had some Huge ass guy name Ray try to squeeze the shit out of me
<Nettik> the guy is REAL strong and pretty agile for being big
<Nettik> he grabbe a hold of me and started squeezing, he didnt like it when I kicked his leg out from underneath him too much, but he squeezed harder. It all depends on how far I was willing to go
<spazzer> <Nettik> and soon i had a nice loaf the size of a breadbox in my drawers
#29376
[Cavalorn] ok
[Cavalorn] I must say this
[Cavalorn] in england, 'uncut' means 'not censored'
[Cavalorn] so, 'uncut porn' is 'porn with all the good bits left in'.
[CapnBee] ;llkfj
[CapnBee] ;lkjasdflkjasf,sdf
[Cavalorn] you're way ahead of me.
[Cavalorn] however, in the US, 'uncut' seems to mean 'uncircumcised'
[Cavalorn] so
[b0o] gagsagdsagasgsadsa
[Cavalorn] I am now deleting an awful lot of pictures of cocks from my hard drive
[b0o] hahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahaha
#31766
We had the schools first HP laser printer installed in the PC lab for less than 24 hours when we received the only the first complaint on it. One of the users came down to tell us that the laser printer wasn't printing and had eaten his report. We tried to explain to him that the printer can't eat your report, and he said, yes it truly had and that there was smoke coming from the printer along with strange grinding noises. Upon investigation we discovered that he had taken his 5 1/4" floppy and had somehow crammed it into the envelope feed and hit printscreen, whereupon it promptly fused into a mess. The printer had less than 50 total pages through it.