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#3874
<Hostile> And now that i think of it, the west coast should be all renamed to the wastelands
<Scofco> It should be renamed to the east coast
<Scofco> then we would have 2 east coasts
<Scofco> it would rid gang violence
<Scofco> end the east coast / west coast struggle
<Scofco> with a simple name change
<Scofco> I AM THE SMARTEST MAN ALIVE
<Hostile> AGREED
#13605
<SarahS> With my large internal capacity to hold water, and your creative igeniuty, we can rule the world!
#49442
<LOAF> So, I'm out back in the alley
<LOAF> I figure I'm alone, right
<LOAF> And it's completely dark
<LOAF> And I see a tiny round silhouette on the ground
<LOAF> Now, we've all been there: is it a coin or is it a splotch?
<LOAF> Do you bend over or don't you? What do you do? You have literally nanoseconds to figure it out.
<LOAF> But it was dark, damned dark, so the call was all the much harder.
<LOAF> And my brain gave the final instructions: coin, go for it, assume it is a coin.
<LOAF> And so I did.
<LOAF> And it was.
<LOAF> Which made me ever so pleased with myself
<LOAF> Which made me decide to do a little hop-and-spin and hold the coin up in the air
<LOAF> Which I did
<LOAF> And as I spun around and put the coin up in the air, there was a homeless guy digging through the dumpster, now staring at me.
<LOAF> And he clapped.
<LOAF> I offered him the coin, but he said I'd earned it.
#36307
<Popeye> my brother was talking to one of his friends
<Popeye> and he told them I used linux
<Popeye> and the guy asked if linux was a club drug
#8776
<Yurmaster> I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bed rock.
#159372
<&EvilFixIt> orwell missed by a few years with 1984
<Rob> what year did he guess
#14647
<zed> I wonder what kind of look my dad would give me if I said "dpkg dash
dash purge coca dash cola" as I chucked an empty coke bottle into
the recycling bin.
#24153
<Cael> i like how microsoft word automatically capitalizes 'microsoft'
<FDavid> oh yeah
<thestripedone> heh.
<thestripedone> see if they do it with macintosh
<Cael> haha
<Cael> macintosh isn't a word apparently
<Cael> rofl
#307229
<Haschel> Hmm. Wolfram Alpha can't calculate the dietary fiber in half the mass of the moon in Triscuits.
#8750
<mantra> the other guitarist in my band owns my soul
<mantra> i sold it to him in third grade for a peanut butter cup
<mantra> he still has the little yellow paper
#41154
<BoomBaBa> Meanie, sorry but I am not a fat 16 year old whose diet consists of pizza and hot pockets
<BluMeanie> I hate pizza
<BluMeanie> and we don't have hot pockets in canada
<mkart64> BluMeanie: why didn't you deny the fat part first
<BluMeanie> mkart, cause the food caught my attention
#297048
<+August> speaking of which, mom yelled at me the other day for not having a flying carpet in WoW.
<+August> i was like mom, my tailoring isn't high enough.
<+August> she was like "well get on it!"
#15510
<nickh> Last time I was there, I got a laught out of seeing a warehouse drone help a customer load stuff into their car.
<nickh> Not one, but *two* fuck swings. I guess you need to have a spare handy.
<kylev> well, you have the good one, and the one you use.
<kylev> you put up the good one when company is coming over
<nickh> Sort of like the "kids" table for those big family dinners.
#13404
<@rtav> CaptainX, It is considered outdated and sexist to refer to your barbecue with "her"
<@rtav> CaptainX, Unless it is an erotic barbecue with the erotic feature set of a woman.
<@rtav> Then I propose that you are confusing a hooker with a barbecue.
<@rtav> To determine once and for all whether you are dealing with a barecue or a hooker, simply light it on fire.
<@rtav> If it runs, you are dealing with a hooker.
<@rtav> If it does not, you are either dealing with a barbecue or a dead hooker.
#10505
<cj_> i hate it when someone at work has to point out to me that my
shirt is both inside out and backwards.
<jej> is it?
<cj_> it is.
<cj_> i pulled the whole Fashion Statement routine..
#294694
<Englishbob> "We need to incorporate everything fun, great and functional about the 21st century"
<Englishbob> "This, my friends, is a USB rocket glitter lamp"
#8729
<tobester> i wish more people would conform to stereotypes so I could be more racist
#16698
*** marily-manson was kicked by Satan (amature)
#13077
corner (19:08:21): how tall is a standard guillotine?
Andrick (19:08:33): This still concerns you?
corner (19:08:39): yeah, I really want to build one
corner (19:08:47): I have short ceilings
corner (19:08:51): I wanna make sure I can keep it in my apt
Andrick (19:09:00): I have to admit that I never have committed that number to memory.
Andrick (19:09:06): But I can tell you they are *tall*.
corner (19:09:15): maybe I can make a kid's version?
Andrick (19:09:30): That is probably a wonderfully poor choice of words.
#1490
* AaronWL licks jwilbur seductively.
<jwilbur> AaronWL: rawr, you're a frisky one. Too bad you're on AOL, I might catch something
#36734
<fleet> So I've started a job with a tech company
<fleet> And I'm building a server downstairs with the head of technical
<fleet> He tells me to pass him the RAM on the table
<fleet> I pick it up and read 512 DDR 2700 and ask
<fleet> "What the hell does Dance Dance Revolution RAM do differently?"
<fleet> He facepalmed and told me to go sit in the idiot corner
#18421
<humpy> "I was in #paintball on the enterthegame network. Everyone around me screaming in horror at the llamas. It was shrilling, like the kind of shrills you get washing your parents underwear, the kind of shrills that no man should ever hear. This was my hell."
<Fryth> i think your washing machine is b0rked
#42280
<Arundor> I'm starting to regret taking a philosophy course. It's getting very irritating that I can't strangle the authors of some of the more idiotic philisophical arguments I've had to read.
#116288
<Cyan> Some dude tried to break in last night at like 2am, but I was on the comp and it's like right beside the window so I heard the faggot.
<Cyan> Anyways, I grabbed the folding chair and as soon as he was like halfway through I beat the fucking shit out of him.
<Cyan> So he's laying here unconscious and I call the cops. Once they get here, they search him and look at what he fucking had:
<Cyan> 8 track tape (unlabeled), Flashlight (no batteries), Half eaten box of Fig Newtons, Measuring tape, Instructions to "Monopoly."
<dan> Dude, you fucking killed McGuyver!
#1244
<atila> my pc just shocked me
<atila> I touched my cd-r and it went "bzzzzzzzzzzzzzt"
<ivilgrue> must be an anti-piracy system