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#31826
<Dj|Work> If you don't have a console, the only thing you'll know of is MotoGP
<oPless> why does pizza just go straight through me ?
<chise`> I haven't had a cup of tea or hot chocolate in 2 days!
<Dj|Work> Quick! Non-sequiter boy! To the rescue!

#8278
<the__man> does anyone know if any brothel is open at this hour? i need some action right away
<+Octane> the__man: you've been blessed with two hands and ten fingers. go figure it out.

#28313
phusnikin> that sucked. compiled my executable into my src and i have no
backup, damm bash tab completion :\\

#16866
<MartinBlank> I knew a guy who dressed up for Halloween as a giant penis with ferns growing around the base, and said he was dressed as a dickweed.

#57867
<Blabber> i just started working out, to get me some muscle and feel confident
<Blabber> so after the first time, i come home and look at myself in the mirror
<Blabber> to see if there is already improvement
<Blabber> my mom steps in and says "you look good enough to play in a warmovie"
<Blabber> so she boosts my confidence and i say thx! like a sergeant you mean?
<Blabber> and i swear to god then she says: no like a concentration camp victim
<Blabber> she left the room laughing her ass off...

#4389
<Campster> "DOOM 3 WILL BE PRODUCED ON A BUDGET OF 439 DOLLARS AND A PACKET OF JUICY FRUIT"

#56208
Teloch: i was helping my tech teacher out a few days in july or so
Teloch: and
Teloch: i got some calls
Teloch: from potential customers
Teloch: and one of them was this little boy who couldn't have been more than six or seven
Teloch: and he was almost in TEARS
Teloch: "everything i type is in caps what do i do my moms goinng to kill me"

#24624
<Mr_Meeker> you know how cats always land on their feet and toast always lands on the top?
<Mr_Meeker> i tried taping toast to my cats back :P
<Mr_Meeker> went apeshit

#297646
[Leshok] "having sex is like making fractions, its improper when the larger ones on top"
[&quazy] but how else would they reach a whole

#20602
#closed-minded :@mcc
*** Mode change "+b *!*@* " on #closed-minded by mcc
*** mcc has set the topic on #closed-minded to Come on in for intelligent and interesting discussion of current events.

#31562
<wildboar> http://marsrovers.jpl.nasa.gov/gallery/all/spirit.html
<Wish> no colour pictures? :(
<wildboar> they can't be in color or you would realize this is actually somewhere in Nevada

#4033
<prence> you masturbate too much if your mom has to snap your tube sock over her knee to get it in the washer

#298929
<ehird> erm, presumably two processes have a reason to talk
<ehird> or are you writing "blind date OS"

#39722
<Tevi> ...i'm scared
<Tevi> there's music coming out of my computer
<WeirdHat> an ad maybe?
<Tevi> oh... wait
<Tevi> i'm playing an mp3

#294
<Mooglezz> IRC got me into shitloads of illegal activities, fradulent use of coupons, video piracy, audio bootlegging, and hardcore pornography
<Mooglezz> Among other things
<MoogIezz> :(

#15614
<GaRlic> how you like my new name?
<drunkers> it stinks

#41956
<@zeleftikam> yeah so on friday i installed this hard-disk MP3 player in the trunk on this new passat
<@zeleftikam> i think, while i was upside down in the trunk, my cell phone fell out of my pocket, and i sealed it in the trunk trim
<@zeleftikam> it's GONE
<@mitch> ha
<@mitch> nice work
<@zeleftikam> thx

#15443
<ZondrZout> "you"
<teig> you what?
<Karyon> Euhm? just "you"
<ZondrZout> Yes, you
<teig> I'd what you?
<teig> I'd wad you... is that a good thing?
<Karyon> Yes, wadding is our special treat
<ZondrZout> Not many people get wadded by us
<Karyon> nobody yet, actually
<ZondrZout> No, we've never done it before now I think of it
<Karyon> in fact i havent even created tha alias yet...
<Karyon> Cuz we only just invented it
<ZondrZout> I've actually never ever heard of it before !

#26432
<kuribo> either this CD player is possessed or it's trying to tell me to take out this Avril Lavigne CD
<kuribo> i would think it was these cheap ass CDrs i bought
<kuribo> but my christina aguilera retail CD does it too
<MikeSweetser> Ted, every insight into your CD collection reveals more of a damaged, lonely man. :)

#23309
<xterm> six
<six> yes?
<xterm> lets argue, i'm bored :-)
<six> you need to come up with something stupid first

#289
<rouge> you vegetarian?
<AlmtyBob> yah
<rouge> i'm sorry. :/

#236280
<Upthorn> The place I lived on the outskirts of baltimore had good sound insulation
<superjupi> I'd give two ovaries and most of a kitten to have good sound insulation
<BagOfMagicFood> If I type this many letters then it lines up good sound insulation

#56410
<PRoger> i recently purchased a broken dell laptop. the screen was broke. so i ordered a new one. i know how to fix that, but on my quest to hide the fact that i have a dell product (i despise dell), i decided to paint it, and maybe drill a hole for an acrylic window. nobody has them in laptops.
<PRoger> well, i took it all apart painted it...all that fun stuff. now its mostly back together and it works. but only off the battery, not wall power.
<PRoger> my desktop also decided to die as well.  so i have 1.75hours of battery/computer time left.
<PRoger> aw man I just noticed my battery has dead cells.  it just went from 56% to 0% dammit!!
*** Quit: PRoger (Ping Timeout: 54 Seconds)
<snorlax> ouch.  I was actually going to stop idling and try to help him until I saw that his laptop battery was the only source of power.

#311255
<Proview> i've got this code that's doing some statistical analysis and its telling me there are 8 days in a week

#45715
<Tigger> It is raining
* Tigger cups her hands together around her mouth
<Tigger> Hello! anyone home?
* Phoon finishes peeing off the balcony

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