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#53724
< wietz0r> I was standing there with a packet of writeable dvd's and this women walks up fucking points her finger at me and says "Don't do illegal things with those dvds"
#30938
<Caffeine> i was dared to go buy lube
<Caffeine> so i went with my best friend/housemate and talked about double ended dildos while hugging her in the checkout line with ky in my hand
<Caffeine> the cashier asked me 'how was your day'
<Caffeine> i said 'it will be better once i get this hunny home'
<Caffeine> her jaw dropped
Comment: Caffeine is female.
#117
<CrazyDe> some dude on ebay is threatening to sue me for copyright infringement
<Guilty> Did you claim to be the Real Slim Shady?
#14530
*** Darth-Phenom is now known as Guest38697
*** Sopabuena is now known as Guest21415
*** TheRealMatt is now known as Guest60273
*** Whitney is now known as Guest15303
<Flirbnic> Hey, cool. The sum of all the Guest numbers that just occurred in here, divided by 8, equals 16961.
<Flirbnic> $calc((15303+60273+38697+21415)/8)
<Flirbnic> ...
<Flirbnic> I have no life.
<TheRealMatt> no... no you don't
#222363
(JadeFrog) chainmail thongs don't look very comfy
(Scrubber) you say that now, but you won't mind when it saves your asscrack from a morning star
(JadeFrog) fair enough
#262095
<hypnosis> 1. The human cell contains 75 MB of genetic information
<hypnosis> 2. A sperm 37.5 MB.
<hypnosis> 3. In a milliliter, we have 100 million sperms.
<hypnosis> On average, one ejaculation releases 2.25 ml in 5 seconds.
<hypnosis> Using basic math we can compute the bandwidth of the human male penis as:
<hypnosis> (37.5MB x 100M x 2.25)/5 = (37,500,000 bytes/sperm x 100,000,000 sperm/ml x 2.25 ml) / 5 seconds = 1,687,500,000,000,000 bytes/sec = 1,687.5 TerraBytes/sec
<Jck_true> Sweet
<Jck_true> DoS attack!!!
<hypnosis> a bukkake would probably be a DDoS then
<hypnosis> 11 men would give 17 petabytes/sec
Comment: ##programming on FreeNode
#8565
<TF_Baxter> fucking plug and play my ass
#62061
Greatgreen: I'm going to fail :(
NumberGuy: think positively
Greatgreen: I'm going to fail :)
#295823
<jenny^> hi
<jenny^> can i ask?
<BlueDoll> about?
<jenny^> r u open minded?
<BlueDoll> yeah
<BlueDoll> why?
<BlueDoll> what is it?
<jenny^> do u know how to make a married woman hot?
<BlueDoll> just try to shape up work out, eat a low carb diet.. dress up nicely
<jenny^> u get me wrong
<BlueDoll> uh oh..
#32260
<+commodore_dude> anyone wanna make me a magic 8-ball in java?
<+x24> ask again later
Comment: #gideontech
#25638
<Aximili> WHAT THE DAMN HELL WAS THAT AHHHHHH
<Nicklon> ·Aximili· => puberty
#223711
<Taran_Wanderer> You can look up what they're going to name hurricanes
<YP> I wish they'd bring hurricane mewtwo back :[
<The_984> Hurricanes should be named after Pokemon
<DonutKnight> In other news, Hurricane Magikarp has decimated New Orleans
<DonutKnight> More at 11
<The_984> Magikarp used SPLASH
<The_984> It was super effective
#47745
<GenericLoser> It's depressing when you realize the class you're writing has more friends than you do.
#50585
<Joey-X> so im talking to my friend whose hanging out at my place for a joint homework effort and we start making bets on who will do what, like, I bet you 2 bucks you wont drink that expired milk or I bet you 3 bucks you wont go out on the fire escape and yell "WHITE POWER" or something
<Joey-X> and she bets me I wont show her my wang
<Phaser> WHITE POWER
<Joey-X> indeed, but anyway so I pull down my pants and this is the fuckin funniest thing..I wasnt hard yet and she grabs it(this is where I should remind you im not circumsized) and pulls the skin back and - no fucking joke - says 'it looks like a hydralisk'
Comment: #quahog
#10345
<AceAway> well later bitches of to the hospital
<SForce> that sounds promising
<AceAway> not really spend half my life going to them all part of being stuck in this damn wheelchair
<SForce> unfortunate
<SForce> makes me want to stand up
#38103
(Yed) the navy/army etc is scary
(Yed) if you tell them youre not interested they like
(Yed) "so when do you want to make an appointment?"
(Chexee) lmfao
(Yed) its either that
(Yed) or this big ass guy in a marine uniform
(Yed) asking you why you wont join
(Yed) over and over again
(Yed) its like interrogation
(Yed) not to mention he has a sword
(Yed) :(
#7463
<tris> why did someone stick an altoid in your cd player?
<furyoujin> tris, we were having phun and he got a lil overexcited
#21066
<@Canadian_Beaver>Yeah, I just finished putting a coat of polish on my hubby's boobs.
<@Canadian_Beaver>ER...boots...
<@Canadian_Beaver>Dammit...I can SO see that on bash.org
*Canadian_Beaver hides in shame
#13211
<PJ> Ok
<PJ> let me get this straight...
<PJ> Your pregnant wife shoved speed down your throat during sex?
<Covert22-UNS> Yup pretty much
#297733
<~Chokehold> man
<~Chokehold> I love this torrent site sometimes
<~Chokehold> it just helped me prank this douche
<~ZeraDaMan> lol
<~Chokehold> some guy has been asking for this norwegian movie on DC++ all fucking day
<~Chokehold> so I'm like "fine, I'll help you look"
<~Chokehold> I found the nfo for the specific release he wanted
<~Chokehold> ..then I downloaded Big.Big.Babes.30.XXX.DVDRip.XVID-DFA
<~Chokehold> and renamed it a little bit
<~Chokehold> ...and tinkered with the nfo and sfv file
<~Chokehold> and remove sample :3
--- 11 minutes later ---
<~Chokehold> oh, the guy's back online
<~Chokehold> most likely he figured out what I did there
#155550
<TEHd> walkin home last night from the bars, reasonably wasted, stumbling everywhere, etc.
<TEHd> cop pulls up alongside me and charlie
<TEHd> says "You boys been drinking tonight?" in a pissed off, you're getting a ticket voice
<TEHd> charlie stares directly in his eyes, waves his hand in front of him and says "these are not the drunks you are looking for, move along"
<TEHd> cop laughs his ass off and drives away
#302407
<Dustin> Me: "What can I get for you?"
<Dustin> Customer: "I want a small popcorn, and don�t try to upsell me a medium!"
<Dustin> Me: "Can I interest you in a large then?"
<Dustin> Customer: "I want to speak to your manager."
Comment: #chatspike on irc.chatspike.net
#9095
<cams> eewwww
<cams> my mom got that easy squirt shit
<cams> purple ketchup
<nzc> now you can be flaming while you eat, too.
#60519
<dekkon> i just got gas for $2.58
<Rjx> he bought mexican food
Comment: #geekissues
#307245
<Lastair> japanese cosmo
<Lastair> 10 hot sex tips!
<Lastair> tips 1-10: whimper like you're being raped