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#42137
<Bisclaveret> Q: How many Bush Administration officials does it take to screw in a light bulb?
<Bisclaveret> A: None. There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; its conditions are improving every day. Any reports of its lack of incandescence are delusional spin from the liberal media. That light bulb has served honorably, and anything you say undermines the lighting effort. Why do you hate America?
#5761
<Anton> I can see myself reinstalling windows
<A|exander> wow, are you having an out of body experience?
#12053
<pele> cookies and milk is the shit
<pele> true thug snack
<sigma> i didnt know santa was a thug
<pele> you think he buys all those presents?
#232500
IndigoNocturna: When the guy sat next to me on the bus, it reminded me that for most of my life, I thought that all older men had the same smell... and then I realized that the smell is booze.
#33587
(Blingo`) god my mother types so slow
(JohnnyM) that's strange, she's usually good with her hands!
#301149
<+endemDan> i need to find a new job, where customers are not so retarded
<@Gusterbuster> Someone call you and say 'Can you hear me now?'
<+endemDan> no i have had that happen before, but this is even worse
<+endemDan> a customer calls in support from their cell and says she cant find the function she wants to take a pic with
<+endemDan> so i get her phone model blah blah blah, then ask what exactly shes trying to do
<+endemDan> she says 'i see pictures of people where they are holding their phone and are in the picture themselves, how do i take a picture of myself and my phone if the camera does not come off the phone'
<+endemDan> she continues with 'also how are they getting a picture of themselves from the front if i can see the flash?, like the camera is facing away from them during the picture. how do i do that?'
<+endemDan> i couldnt even respond or laugh, i was just in complete awe that someone was actually serious about this question
<+endemDan> then i asked her if she has ever looked at herself in the mirror, and freaks out thinking i just called her ugly or some shit and demands to speak to my manager
<+endemDan> so i put her on hold, get him over and tell him the story and he doesnt believe me and gets on the phone and has her repeat everything she said and then asks her about the complaint against me
<+endemDan> he asks her the same exact thing (it has been about 10 minutes since the call started) and then, then she finally gets it and understands that taking a picture in a mirror is how the people do it
<+endemDan> i dont understand how people like that function in life
<@Gusterbuster> Yea. However you get to sit on your ass all day and answer a phone
Comment: endemDan works at verizon
#7713
<TonyD> you hatiater
<DamianMor> What on earth is a hatiater?
<TonyD> it's a word I just made up
<TonyD> someone who radiates hate
#308609
Katie: futurama proves something
Katie: you can make a girl the hero of the show, but in the end everyone still thinks a lazy guy is the main character
#1700
thep0et> i can pull my scrotum up to the point where it looks like a pussy
#56171
<woops> people without porn invent stuff like computers or solve world hunger
#6052
<fo0bar> I once has a (poor attempt) at a pr0n site, and was working with iBill on a support issue, and this young woman on the other end asks for what the site is so she can test it and I say "uhh, www.pussy4less.com" -- didn't even phase her
#16175
<KAboomy> I used to be afraid of bees
<KAboomy> now I'm just afraid of mayonaise
#298101
<borg[of]nine> There is something so delightfully sinister about replying to online dating ads while you're taking a shit.
#177
<Lepper> i told my roommate's girlfriend that she needs to hook me up with some chicks
<Lepper> and she's like "dude, i bring my friends over... and all you do is play video games!"
#7352
<@[ben]> youd be suprised how many pancakes that mouth has masticated
<@[ben]> and yes, i spelt the last word right
#227599
<RizBow> you son of a bitch
<RizBow> you have me on ignore
<OCRE> No
<OCRE> I'm just ignoring you
<OCRE> you son of a bitch
Comment: #ocremix
#8075
<minkus> ohh my god these pies taste great
<minkus> if only i could fuck them
<minkus> WAIT! I CAN
#310496
danlamanna: god
danlamanna: watching cspan online instead of on tv requires you to sign-in to your cable package
danlamanna: I can't even watch my own government fuck me for free
#48318
<Ryouko> yo feed me german sentences to say to him
<ViscountPherget> ich will deinen Rücken küssen während ich dir meinen Schwanz einführe
<Ryouko> ok, lol
<Ryouko> what does that mean btw
<ViscountPherget> let me kiss your back while I insert my cock into you
<Ryouko> AW FUCK MAN
<ViscountPherget> lol
#6922
<piman> RVD: Whereas the amount of people watching wrestling grows, oddly enough, at the same rate as the people who are 3rd generation welfare recipients.
#56643
<b0b> fucking hell dude
<b0b> i hate when the salsa in the jar gets low
<b0b> and I try to get it out with a chip and it gets all of my fingers
<b0b> and i just end up crying myself to sleep with my fingers covered in salsa
#57958
rcaron: remember, everything the MPAA touches is copyrighted
Toba: even toilet paper patterns
rcaron: Copyright (C) 2006 - MPAA/rcaron <======= seee?
Toba: D:
Toba: you're making me feel dirty
rcaron: and yes, i did make a deal with the devil (in the pale moonlight noless)
robert: rcaron, you let the mpaa touch you?
Toba: show us where the mpaa touched you on the doll
Comment: #wpi
#19551
<Zanok> Im watching this build your own computer thing on the spanish channel
<Zanok> you hear a bunch of gibberish followed by "motherboard"
#38705
* chupachipmunk touches his heart... area
* TallestSilver tries to touch her heart area, but smacks her boob instead
<TallestSilver> Ow....
<chupachipmunk> Hah
* chupachipmunk can touch his chest without hitting boob
<TallestSilver> FUCKIN' BOOBS! I'LL TEACH YOU TO GET IN MY WAY!!!!!!
* TallestSilver slices off her breasts with a rusty dagger and tosses them away
* chupachipmunk hand Silver some hydrogen peroxide
<Lucifer> yknow, that reminds me of something...
<Lucifer> you've all heard of the Amazons, right?
<chupachipmunk> They are the ancient all-female race who patented one click shopping
#28887
<fred> i say, you shoot three people, because they won't make you apple pie, and all of a sudden you are a "murderer". what is the world coming to?
<fred> and then when the police have the audacity to come to "talk" they don't bring any pie with them. rude.
<fred> i hope you all realise my one phone call was wasted on this dial up connection.