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#5934
<FutabaAoi> attractive girls like computers, i carry my case around town because it attracts chicks
<R0SC0E> no, attractive girls think guys that think girls are attracted to guys with computers are cute in a hurt puppy kind of way
<FutabaAoi> dont most people put down hurt puppies?
<FutabaAoi> does that mean attractive girls shoot computer nerds?
<R0SC0E> god i don't mean puppies with like missing limbs or exposed viscerals
#282
<Hatter> I was over-circumsized
<Hatter> the law suit is still pending
#10380
<@cloudchild> if i wanted to drink the blood from a horned creature, i would've went after bob dole
<@DarkDread> I just thought those were really large ears.
<@cloudchild> nope horns. and he hides his tail well...but you can see his hoofed feet if the camera angle is right
<@cloudchild> "I'm bob dole! i kill virgins and drink the blood of the pope!"
<@DarkDread> what's so bad about that?
<@cloudchild> nothin.
#7772
<ph^pr0phet> i got kicked in the balls earlier in the summer
<chaowork> ouch
<Booger> hah
<chaowork> by a chick?
<Booger> try to NOT do that
<ph^pr0phet> yea
<ph^pr0phet> heh
<Booger> or wear a nutcup
<chaowork> u need to learn to stand sideways when u hit on em
#311086
<hep> the children actually get mad at me a lot because i wont pay attn to them
<hep> MOM
<hep> PAY ATTN TO ME ONLINE
<hep> LOOK AT MY MEMES
<hep> LIKE MY SELFIES
<hep> like jfc kid
<hep> i have an online life too you know
<hep> this original content dont post itself
#56721
<Timmaw> i remember one time when i was little i was camping with my grandma and grandpa. i go into the bathroom to brush my teeth and i put some toothpaste on my brush
<Timmaw> it looks light pink but the toothpaste was cinnamon flavor so i didn't think anything of it
<Timmaw> i bite down on the toothbrush so i can undo my pants and sit down on the toilet. i grip the toothbrush and it won't budge!
<Timmaw> i'm freaking out because my toothbrush is fused to my teeth and my grandpa gets a flashlight and looks at it and starts cracking up
<Timmaw> my grandma gets snoody because it's not a very amusing situation. my grandpa looks at both of us and says "tim you were trying to brush your teeth with polident."
#265
<hypr> i rember in kindergarden the teach took me upsidedown by my ankles and swung me around cause i wasent eating my pees..
<hypr> fucking bitch
#26338
visualwealth: you know whats funny?
visualwealth: i was writing my paper for like 8 hours straight now
visualwealth: and ive achieved more in last two hours than the six hours before
visualwealth: i really have some concentration issues
onkeybutt87: haha
onkeybutt87: seriously...
onkeybutt87: maybe you should go to, like, a concentration camp
#1732
<nailhead> Ya, How come there's albinos in all races but theres no ppl that are
the opposeite? like "alblackos" or sumpin?
#70
* XS slaps the crap out of someone with a larger than ordinary, non-standard, frames compatible, Microsoft trout.
#18663
<@boohiss> YOU AREN'T MY REAL FATHER
<@boohiss> I HATE YOU
<@boohiss> YOU NEVER WENT TO MY BASEBALL GAMES
<+DuoMaxwell> you never played baseball, you signed up for ballet you fuckin fag
<@boohiss> oh yeah...
#2617
<Plot> I was either going to die now
<Plot> or get 80% third degree burns atleast
<Plot> someone had the gas nob opened
<Plot> I went into kitchen
<Plot> switched a bulb
<Plot> and wham
<Plot> kitchen was filled with one big ass fire ball
<theForger> woah dude
<C--> damn
<Jyrsija> jesus
<ThaDragon> If you just blow up your kitchen, and then proceed to get on IRC and tell people about it, you might be a junkie.
#30905
<snow_veil> my system tray icons are multiplying
<snow_veil> it's like some divine force
<YucA> snow_veil WTF
<snow_veil> soon they'll take over my taskbar
<snow_veil> and jump my quicklaunch icons
* snow_veil smells a battle brewing
#302397
<DOZ> they're doing heat jokes man
<DOZ> that's not cool
<LS> I have absolute zero tolerance for those
#105985
<Dio> Was it Jimi Hendrix who said "if I make a mistake, I just keep repeating it, then it's not a mistake any more"?
<Karg> Might well have been Bill Gates.
#307922
<@Rjx> I've noticed a trend in modern SEO
<@Rjx> which involves shitting up your URLs and shitting up your content
<@Rjx> to meet some imaginary standards
#9683
<Brainded> can anyone help me with a ppp problem?
<mustang> you have a stutter and you're trying to urinate ?
#306931
<Jimbo> The best way for a baker to prevent his delicious cakes being stolen would be to cover them in dogshit and broken glass, but in doing so he would also kill his sales. Ubisoft are currently that baker.
#61121
<Ked|work> You know you've used linux more than google when typing 'man pipe' into the search bar doesn't instantly seem like a bad idea.
#308280
(rickest) reinventing the wheel is exactly what allows us to travel 80mph without even feeling it. the original wheel fell apart at about 5mph after 100 yards. now they're rubber, self-healing, last 4000 times longer. whoever intended the phrase "you're reinventing the wheel" to be an insult was an idiot.
#21419
(smasho) i saw matrix 2 today
(Cip) bout time smasho
(smasho) "How did they copy smith" somsone said
(smasho) i said ctrl c
#62907
k2xl: being single vs having a steady girlfriend can be related to working
k2xl: having a steady girlfriend is like working steadly for a 'company'
k2xl: yes, it ensures you moeny and gives you many 'benefits', you can rest easy at night knowing that you have a 'job' waiting for you the next mornin. when new 'offers' come up your company has to increase your 'benefits' or you might lose interest with the company.
k2xl: however, on the bad side, it's hard to leave your company that you've worked with for so long, and you never know if you quit your 'company' that you could find a better one. Plus, some companies work you long hours without pay and barely give any days off.
k2xl: on the contrary, if you stay single, it's like freelancing.
k2xl: you can pick and choose 'better looking' work
k2xl: but some months you have tons of 'work' and some months you 'can't get any'
k2xl: because, as they say, and yes with pun intended, 'jobs' don't always fall into your lap ;)
#1208
<mike> how do you make a dead baby a submarine
<Ron> hmm i don't know mike
<Ron> how do you
<mike> you fill it with seamen
#14704
<PTM> when i was ten...
<PTM> (interesting story, no?)
<PTM> i was messing around with a neighbor girl
<PTM> and like
<PTM> it was mostly naked wrestling
<PTM> with penetration
<PTM> but no orgasms.
<Damsel> you fucking fucked at 10?
<PTM> well if that's your definition of fuck, i suppose
#3631
<mightyflo> scum: who's "fresh" games?
<ScumDog> mighty - Eidos's new division that is dedicated to bringing over weird imports to the US
<ScumDog> their first titles are Ka and Bravo Music
<TURBOMEAT> and Duel Legaia Saga or whatever
<ScumDog> being released as "Mister Mosquito" and "Mad Maestro"
<metroid23> their first two titles have nothing but "m" words
<ScumDog> what's the Legaia thing called in the US?
<ScumDog> Merlin's Mage Mania?