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#294406
(Bucks) That is why you hate midgets?
(@Fantasy) yep, I blame that evil midget in rehab
(refused) no rehab is complete without an evil midget
(@Fantasy) headbutted me in thr balls
(refused) LOL
(@Fantasy) and he was perfect height
(refused) rofl
(Bucks) rofl
(@Fantasy) his head was literally crotch height
(refused) who the fuck even does that
(@Fantasy) that midget
(refused) ... yeah obviously... but wtf.
(@Fantasy) after you spend a month making midget jokes
(refused) lol
(@Fantasy) to a cocaine addict in rehab
(@Fantasy) than on family/friends day having all your friends make fun of his midget kind
(@Fantasy) he came up and said something like "stop shitting, dog"
(refused) you kinda deserved it then
(@Fantasy) I laughed
(@Fantasy) he said you want to start something
(@Fantasy) I said say it to my face
(@Fantasy) and LAUGHED
(@Fantasy) he headbutted me in the balls
(@Fantasy) I was on the ground
(refused) yeah of course
(@Fantasy) crying
(refused) I'd give that fucking midget a medal
(@Fantasy) so he squatted down and said "stop messing with me"
(@Fantasy) right in my face
(Bucks) what an wesome midget
(@Fantasy) had to get a new roomate after that
(@Fantasy) since the midget was my roomate
(@Fantasy) and since then I've been afraid of midgets
#15721
<dpk> hehe.. looking for domain names. i wrote a program which reads
www.news.com and www.zdnet.com and similar crap sites and puts together
random consonant/vowel combinations based on it.
<dpk> it's pretty lame ;)
<Xney> dpk has too much free time
<dpk> eeigoua.com avail
<dpk> eeigoua.net avail
<dpk> eeigouanet.com avail
<dpk> get it while its hot
#28514
<railor> then there comes this really hot nurse chick and i like get an instant hard-on
<railor> she asks me if i'm ok and leaves. i tell to myself "what a fine piece of ass!" so i grab my dick and start whacking off like mad
<HaiFlick> so you've started jerking off to that nurse after you had been drunk like hell and woke up in the hospital?
<railor> yeah, but then suddenly a woman next to me started crying really loud. i couldn't see her due to the curtain though
<HaiFlick> lol
<railor> turns out it was my wife
#33810
<splice> Pakistani president tells CNN he believes troops have surrounded al Qaeda fighters protecting "high-value target." Details soon.
<splice> goatse will be captured!
#32235
<pigeon-mirk> davey made that avatar for me, i am eternally in his bed
<pigeon-mirk> debt
<pigeon-mirk> DEBT!
#30614
<ryano> but i still like tattoos and piercings on chicks
<ryano> which is why i go for lina's friends
<ryano> and not lina
<Lina--> i have tattoos
<jons> those aren't tattooes, they're varicose veins
#53214
<withnail> effexor sounds like a hacker drug
#27267
<%Ashe3> enaz: Please don't bite my tongue when I kiss you.
<+enaz> I don't have teeth in my anus Ashe3, that's a folktale
#20502
<Riku> One time, there was an American, an Irishmen (I think), and a Polish guy who just robbed a bank and were hiding out in a barn.
<Riku> But then they heard the cops come, so the american hid behind a cow, the irish guy hid behind a pig, and the polish guy hid behind a sack of potatoes
<Riku> So when the cops came in, they shined the flashlight on the cow
<Riku> so the american guy went "moooo"
<Riku> then they shined it on the pig, and the irish guy when "oink oink"
<Riku> Then, they shined it on the sack of potatoes
<Riku> And the polish guy went, "Potato"
#10911
<Xaotika> if i ever start a band, remind me to call it MY ASS.
<Xaotika> then you could all come watch MY ASS if we ever perform on stage.
<Xaotika> MY ASS will rock your world. i'm sure.
#19343
Rowen> Platonic relationship means no sex, dude.
* Rowen has a platonic relationship with Rowen.
* Sqrrl is anything but platonic with myself
Rowen> heh
Sqrrl> sometimes, me is the only action i get
Rowen> I did not, I repeat DID NOT have relations with myself.
Sqrrl> lol
Rowen> Well, sometimes that is the best action around.
Sqrrl> the safest action around, too
Rowen> heh
Rowen> And you don't have to buy yourself dinner.
Sqrrl> it'd be sad if you gave yourself a VD
#13469
<Khalal> I never did understand that quote NG
<NintendoGuru> Khalal: That's because you haven't seen a picture of Andrew Vestal
<Khalal> What does he look like?
<NintendoGuru> Think Richard Simmons french kissing and electrical outlet
#26312
<IgWannA> why do scots wear kilts? ..... because sheep have gotten used to the sound of a zipper
#54846
<redrum> the last urmom joke I told blew up in my face
<redrum> turned out the guys mom was dead
<redrum> he told me to get my dick out of the urn
#29205
<NES> lol
<NES> I download something from Napster
<NES> And the same guy I downloaded it from starts downloading it from me when I'm done
<NES> I message him and say "What are you doing? I just got that from you"
<NES> "getting my song back fucker"
#279192
<Ahrotahntee> I found the most horrid naming convention today
<Ahrotahntee> and what's hilarious is it doesn't sound like a bad idea until you come across this specific example
<Ahrotahntee> I work with an AS/400 computer along with Icy on some days, they don't support long names
<Ahrotahntee> so I found a username or library name or something that was for an assistant (abbrievated ASST) Amer. The log entry read: 42 files changed by/in ASSTAMER
#7021
<Ac3d> ima redneck now...Chevy sent a magazine to my house under the name Bob Jones
#86110
<Stueh> Hehe, in Aus the legal age is 18 and no one cares, just as long as you say you're over 18 :P
<Stueh> I walked into a store when I was 14 to buy smokes, and the guy looks at me and, instead of asking how old I was, he was like "What's your birthday?" and I gave the answer I'm used to "5th Febuary, 1989." Then just thought "FUCK!"
<Stueh> He then looked me up and down and goes: "You know, if you go outside and run around the block four times, you'll be four years older "
<Stueh> So I went out for 10 minutes, came back in, he asked me my birthday, I said 1985, and he sold to me :)
<Stueh> Welcome to Australia! :)
#59779
[@turk]: i was in math class today and we were doing equations that allow us to decide the best price for a certain product
[@turk]: with a given amount of production cost, employee salaries, etc
[@turk]: so, the teacher asks, how can we minimize the production costs
[@turk]: someone yells out:
[@turk]: hire mexicans
#32514
<Ender_CN> I read the bible, as soon as I found out god was jesus' father I knew it was just a cheap star wars rip off so I stopped
#18495
<JessiA> that's weird though
<Kirke> Plus it doesn't even work that well
<JessiA> because Diabetics usually ONLY drink diet sodas
<Kirke> It makes you crave carbohydrates
<The_Vagrant> yeah
<The_Vagrant> my dad can only have diet
<The_Vagrant> but i don't think he cares about the whatever
<Kirke> Not to mention it tastes like ass
<The_Vagrant> i happen to enjoy the taste
<JessiA> hehehe true that
<Kirke> You would
<The_Vagrant> ..um i know i would
<The_Vagrant> i said it didn't I
<JessiA> Vag likes the taste of ass?
<The_Vagrant> no
<The_Vagrant> ass tastes totally different
#49596
<Erika> fuckdammit
<shminux> hi to you too, Erika
<Erika> Hi shminux.
* Erika stabs things.
<shminux> 'sup?
<Erika> Oh, just a torrent I really wanted just died on me.
<shminux> ah... could be worse
<Erika> True.
<shminux> hmm, that being huggles, I could have said something more comforting
<cmantito> damn right
<shminux> well, say something... she is crying her eyes out here, cmantito
<cmantito> the torrent is in a better place#
<cmantito> it's in binary heaven now
<cmantito> jumping from seeder to seeder with ample bandwidth
<cmantito> with all the trackers it could EVER want.
Comment: mWtNet, #huggles
#301252
<@snow_> i think i could have definitely stolen this chick from her loser boyfriend
<@snow_> but i fucked up
<@snow_> tried to call her fat
<@snow_> so she would come work out w/ me
<@snow_> that backfired hard
Comment: #geekissues
#6512
<xorg> you know how you hang up the phone after talking to an asshole
<xorg> and you say "Asshole"
<xorg> well
<xorg> in my brain, that has superimposed "goodbye"
<xorg> i talk to that many assholes
#6458
<^erica^> god, why dont you apear infront of me when i pray?
<GodFu> because i like to watch