Random | Latest | Best | Full Site
#1302
<|Chris> okay...here's one
<|Chris> what's the worst crime you've ever commited?
<Guilty> I once taped a Golden Girls episode with only implyed oral permission and not expressed written permission
#294656
<drac> I was in a public restroom today and the box that contains the toilet paper rolls has a side that can't be seen until you're sitting down
<drac> so I wrote "I pissed all over the toilet seat" on there
#307843
<Grauwolf> The best thing about UDP jokes is that I don't care if you get them or not
#297004
John: i need something perverted to say to my gf
John: i'm just not perverted and dont know anything about that stuff
Ethan: say "I want you inside of me."
John: okay
#55291
<Noia> now I have to get dressed to go to the kitchen to get a new drink >.<
<myarray> why can't you be nakid in your own house?!
<Noia> I live in a flat with a few other people
<myarray> ah
<Noia> they might be a little disturbed if I start walking around in my underwear :P
<myarray> you never know, they might like it :)
<Noia> thats what I'm afraid of :P
#43604
<Rob-iwiwc> imagine if the pope got up now
<Rob-iwiwc> think that might cause an increase in catholics?
<@HPZ> Rob-iwiwc: that's a damned good idea. They should've planned it that way.
<@HPZ> What a brilliant recruitment strategy.
<sprawl_gnome> worked for Jesus
Comment: #fark
#289288
[middle of december]
<Wuffles> I just got my subscription confirmation for my MySQL course of November, 24
<Wuffles> How about that for timely delivery
<wouter> Wuffles: lol.
<wouter> thats quite early if its for next year. :)
<Wuffles> it isn't, alas :-)
<Wuffles> wouter: it gets better: the young lady answered that it was because they had trouble with their database :-D
#6688
<kitten> Dan, you're my honey bunch sugar plum, pumpy-umpy-upmkin.
<kitten> You're my sweetie pie.
<Danelope> Oh yeah? Well, you're my cuppycake gumdrop snickums-snookums.
<Danelope> You're the apple of my eye.
<ry4n> fuck you guys.
*** ry4n has quit IRC (Quit: Trillian (http://www.ceruleanstudios.com))
<Danelope> Hahaha.
#302362
<fahadsadah> Note to self: do not code when tired
<fahadsadah> Guess what was in my code?
<fahadsadah> Rather than #!/usr/bin/ruby at the top
<fahadsadah> print "#!/usr/bin/ruby\n"
#52911
<Damian> Ever since my male cat died, my female one won't leave me alone.
<Damian> I think she's lonely without him.
<Ren> I think she just wants to get laid.
<Damian> I think you need to shut the fuck up about my cat.
#37922
(Chexee) DING DONG
(Jazzi) who's there?
(Jazzi) oh wait... that's knock knock.
#9649
<Xellchiri> I crave RP in which guys do not get pregnant.
<Xellchiri> Oh wow, the paper just got here
<UndeadFromStone> Wha?
<UndeadFromStone> We generally avoid that sort of thing. @_@
<Xellchiri> what, the newspaper?
#9355
<BTox> wow... oi can see the reflection of my fingers on the monitor..
so i can watch myself type and it looks really weird. "how do i do that?!"
<ShaneBe> it really is amazing
<ShaneBe> to see peop;e ty[e
#60563
(discussing previous workplace)
47: my boss used to work for them. he hates the place
47: so we have something in common
Bubbles: haha
47: i liked the hot chicks though
Bubbles: well you have to steal all their business and take their hot bitches
47: yeah man
47: i'll be the Viking of computer repair
47: ME 47! ME REMOVE MALWARE! ME DIAGNOSE MEMORY FAULT! GIVE ME YOUR BITCHES! *club*
#1145
<aard> blackrose: you're so goth, you shit bats.
#33363
< solerad> oh man
< solerad> my adopted brother
< solerad> had a wet dream that involved my mother :/
< solerad> i wouldn't have known except that
< Supacabra> yikes
< solerad> he told his ENTIRE SCHOOL
< Supacabra> double yikes
#56287
<@saic> lol you have an IRL char?
<@saic> what level?
#37005
<@Jedi> <@TheZEEness> SHIT ON AN OVEN
<@Jedi> i wonder what kind of amazing stench you could make shitting in an oven and then cranking it up to 450
<@TheZEEness> I wonder if at a certain tempurature, shit starts smelling like flowers
<@Jedi> fly me to your house, i'll shit in your oven...
<@TheZEEness> That sounds like a horrible cover of that Sinatra song
<@TheZEEness> FFLLLLYYYYY me to your house, so I maaayyy shit upon your oven
#10783
<gr0undh0g> I spent an hour and a half once trying to tie a hair to a fly
<kritical> whyd you do that?
<gr0undh0g> so I could have a pet
#43242
pthree : someone @ lucas films is looking at my site
pthree : now they're looking @ webcam
pthree : i put note up for them to email me
helf : heh
Austin : Hold up a cardboard sign reading "HIRE ME"
#28471
<darkjedi> xandy: well - to repent - go spank the monkey for a while...that should get those impure thoughts from out of your head
<XanderDaWatcher> i dont have a monkey to spank :/
<XanderDaWatcher> oh
#21148
<StmChser> anyone here know any good gay pron sites?
<StmChser> er
<StmChser> pay
<StmChser> shi
<StmChser> t
#6444
<zhixel> I'd really like to meet a sane woman who doesn't have to
constantly rely on me for emotional support
<far_call> and I'd really like to be able to drive my car to jupiter
#75584
xTedHeadx: My family must be like the worst Jews in history.
xTedHeadx: We celebrated Hanukkah by going out for lobster.
#37909
ben: Because she's sexy, and beautiful, and smart, and clever
ben: She was a cheerleader too, dude.
ben: Mmmm... mini skirt.
LivingTerrain: Mmmm... toms managed to build a rather nice system (Athlon Xp 2600+, Radeon 9600 XT, 512mb of DDR400, 2x80gb) for less than $1000
Comment: AOL IM session