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#305852
<Erik> I feel like I've found the holy grail of feline ownership, or something.
<Erik> My cat actually knows the correct course of action to take when I say ``shut the fuck up''.
#1936
<fimmtiu> asylum, then your disk is full. *shrug* Wield rm -f wildly.
<asylum_> fimmtiu. yeah right dude.
<DemoN> rm -f is too slow. newfs.
<rudefix> hell, i just prefer to take the disk out and lick it!
#304195
<NCommander> Don't let someone with an uncontrolled seizure history give you oral sex
#2272
<punkmac> people are dumb
<punkmac> i put my 2 333's on the local for-sale newsgroup
<punkmac> heres what some doofus emails me:
<punkmac> >>Will you sell them separate from each other......In other word do I have to
<punkmac> >>buy both of them?
<punkmac> YES! YOU MUST BUY 2!! THEY ARE SIAMESE TWINS AND CONNOT BE SEPERATED!
<TeamsterX> hah connected at birth by a crossover cable ;)
#10075
<Vic> You there X?
<X> no
<X> fuck
#28953
<kare> The next Microsoft OS will have a new anti piracy feature: it will come in an arcade cabinet and you'll need to insert coins to boot it or start a program
#6243
<`Brianne> stop it...youre making me feel all warm inside...
<`Brianne> oops wrong channel
#55653
<PantsMacKenzie> I once played freeze tag, and a friend of mine ended up in the emergency room
<PantsMacKenzie> he never unfroze.
<neoliminal> and playing tag might tramatize them.
<SimCaputosis> I know at least three kids who when in preschool with me were hospitalized from tag
<PantsMacKenzie> and we forgot about him.
<PantsMacKenzie> so...
<PantsMacKenzie> yeah.
<PantsMacKenzie> he just stood there.
<PantsMacKenzie> and didn't eat for like... days
<rcmurphy> So you won?
<PantsMacKenzie> damn straight.
#7898
<aSSMAGGOT> [badpeon_] all humans have to die
<paniq> i dont have to
<paniq> i have won in a lottery for immortality
<wayfinder> i thought you've won a key fob?
<jco> an immortal key fob
#13617
<Ashe> I'm really busty this summer, with School and the trip to Colorado.
<Ashe> busy
* Dingy feels busty this spring
#3510
<Demamas> RAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWR! *explodes*
<Nyphur> BAD! NO BONE FOR Demamas! BACK IN YOUR CAGE !!
*** Signoff: Demamas (Ping timeout)
<Nyphur> oops
<Nyphur> I forgot I left his cage off the server
#33595
<Fonix> Windows told me to make a new password and I put in 'penis'...
<Fonix> and it said it was too short. :(
#100874
<rasp> i was catering a “tenant appreciation” event in palo alto yesterday
<rasp> we had these slushie machines, but one broke and spilled everywhere
<rasp> so i went to the main office to ask if they had a hose, but the guy tells me,
<rasp> “no, but i see the google guys across the street using a hose sometimes, you can try asking them”
<rasp> turns out this place was right next to one of google’s offices
<rasp> i walked over to the cafeteria area and asked one of the cooks, be he told me they didn't know where it was
<rasp> as i was walking away, i had a little moment to myself...
<rasp> "wow, i just queryed google irl"
<rasp> "lol"
Comment: error 404: hose not found
#57608
<sutna> You wouldn't think that not knowing the difference between a cupboard and a drawer could break apart a family.
<Seeker> It can?
<sutna> When I was like 6 my mom bought my grandmom a present on my behalf for her birthday. She told me it was in the cupboard and I should go fetch it for granny.
<Seeker> I can see where this is going..
<sutna> So granny is sitting on the couch waiting for her present and I looked in the drawer instead of the cupboard , I came running out the room holding a huge black ribbed dildo.
<Seeker> Well I feel sorry for you but you won't be offended if I piss myself laughing?
<sutna> spose not
<Seeker> WA HA AH AAHA AHA AHA AHA AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
#2559
<gb> BlackDeth: have you ever tasted your own jizz?
<BlackDeth> no
<BlackDeth> or anybody elses jizz for that matter
<BlackDeth> i've shot jizz in my eye
<BlackDeth> but i wasn't aiming
<BlackDeth> so i dont feel as bad
<gb> sure you werent
<BlackDeth> no i mean there was somebody else at the controls
<blazemore> did he apologize
#3535
<ScumDog> I never treat women as members of the opposite sex, Tanya.
#5614
<quatoria> you shat on your daughter? disgusting pervert.
<Plaid> No, you freak. I puked on her.
#7089
<Kash> Biee, my modem cost me 8 bucks
<Bieeardo> Holy shit. That's... oy.
<Kash> IT IS A CURCUIT BOARD AND A BELL
<Kash> circuit
<Kash> lol
<Bieeardo> Oh, so it's a hard-coded version of EQ?
#15476
<RyanRony> [Mpeg Player | 15-green day - good riddance (time of your life)
(live st paul mn 06-17-01)-svcd-ryanrony-apv.m2p | Size:58.1mb]
<hyp3r> i would like a regular vcd of that one =)
RyanRony> are u 56k
<hyp3r> yeah =)
<RyanRony> eek, heh
<RyanRony> if people fxp to 56k does it still go fast
<hyp3r> no
<RyanRony> oh
#18603
<RG-M1> i hope that if i ever get raped some day, it's by a monster with crazy penis tentacles, and penis fingers, too
<Tamahome> and that's one for the geekquotes page:P
#53053
<Morton> Joke time.
<Morton> What has legs but can't walk?
<sid> A statue?
<@onix> a table
<Morton> A CRIPPLE!
#9209
<Disco`Stu> fat girls need loving too
<kodos> someone has to take one for the team
<kodos> i vote its luke
<lukeiyo-e> damn you fuckers
<lukeiyo-e> alright.. someone pass me a torch
#22339
<gorefeend> my bum is all alone :/
#193949
<Zachary> someone gave me an engraved rock for my birthday with ZACHERY on it
<Zachary> I mean first off you just gave me a fucking rock for my birthday
<Zachary> and then my name is on it and it's misspelled
<Zachary> of course maybe that was just the name of the rock
#15817
<RikisuuDelta> i'm glad my parents dont play quake, they'd frag my ass and tell me it's dinner time