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#6310
* deVoca wonders how many American here know on what date the Civil War started and ended.
<Bell_of_Ygg> deV, I can't remember when-I can only remember how, why and what.
<The_Freakazoid> That means bell can remember it in the ass, for love, with a phone. But not who did it or when it happened.
#34730
<SubLimeR> thank god for neighbors
<SubLimeR> i was watching tv a few hours earlier and i fell asleep
<SubLimeR> the kids came home from school and i had the door locked
<SubLimeR> and i didn't hear it because i'm a really heavy sleeper, and i wake up and i yell "OMG WHERE ARE THE KIDS?!"
<SubLimeR> so i call next door to ask if they've seen them and my buddy's wife says, "yeah dipshit you locked your god damn kids out"
Comment: ah the simple joys of parenting
#19812
<whitelightning> suck my nipples
<teh-kitteh> WL: huh?
<BlackIce> wl: ask geo
<teh-kitteh> he's at work though iceh :)
* whitelightning runs off for Geo
<whitelightning> wow!
<whitelightning> he's got a mouth like a hoover
<BlackIce> wl
<BlackIce> that's not geo
<BlackIce> that's a hoover
#77923
<SpaceHobo> Hi, asl.
<xkcd> HUMOROUS COMBINATION OF IMPROBABLE AGE SEX AND LOCATION
<SpaceHobo> ACRONYM WHICH COULD INDICATE VOLUME OF AFFECTION OR VOLUME OF RISIBILITY
<xkcd> CONTINUING SELF-REFERENTIAL META-JOKE WHICH SHOWS THAT I AM WITTY BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT SOMEONE WOULD TRADITIONALLY SAY HERE AND AM REPEATING A DESCRIPTION OF IT IN CAPS
<SpaceHobo> CONDESCENDING BREAK FROM META-JOKE IN ORDER TO AFFECT CONFUSED UNSPOKEN OBJECTION TO SURFACE BEHAVIOR
<xkcd> CONTINUING APPEAL TO FURTHER JOKE-BREAKING, POSSIBLY WITH A SHOCKING SEXUAL COMPONENT, IN A DESPERATE SEARCH FOR HUMOR
<SpaceHobo> UNINTERESTED INVOCATION OF INFOBOT FACTOID, IN ATTEMPT TO MAINTAIN FOCUS OF ATTENTION WHILE HAVING THE LAST WORD
<xkcd> INCREASED SELF-REFLECTION. CONTEMPLATION OF WHERE LIFE BEGAN TO GO WRONG. SOCIAL WITHDRAWAL POSSIBLY ACCOMPANIED BY MOUNTING SUBSTANCE ABUSE.
#139795
[+Tarball] ITT: Movie titles that described your first sexual experience.
[+Tarball] THERE WILL BE BLOOD
[+Timmy] lmao
[+Tarball] Gone in 60 seconds
[+Hatty] SNAKES ON A PLANE
[TheWickerMan] quiet down Hatty
[TheWickerMan] why don't you try HOME ALONE
#309350
<Proview_> freshman year of college, i'm like... oh, yeah, im going to try and be leet and install gentoo. try loading it frmo a flash drive, 20 minutes later, my HDD was erased, my external 2 TB drive was erased, AND THE FLASH DRIVE gentoo came on was erased
<Proview_> i had to email all of my professors and tell them "i tried installing gentoo and now i have nothing left. my work will be late"
<Proview_> my comp sci professors just responded with "understandable"
#299822
<^Migs^> something really weird happened to me last night
<^Migs^> So I'm just sitting up in my room, right? It's about 11:30, I'm on my laptop, and the doorbell rings.
<^Migs^> I'm like, wtf, but figure it must be a neighbor returning my cat or something dumb like that.
<^Migs^> So I answer the door, and this mentally handicapped kid just barges in.
<^Migs^> He's about 13 or so, and he's just frantically looking around. He tells me I have a nice house, wants something to eat, says he returned my cat, then gets distracted by something in the kitchen, all within about 5 seconds. The kid has an attention span of about 3 seconds.
<^Migs^> I actually recognized him from church. He has some sort of palsy, but I couldn't remember his name, so I have no way to contact his parents, and I don't have a clue where he lives.
<^Migs^> Meanwhile, the kid is just tearing through my house, asking me about everything he sees. He offers to clean my family room, turns on my wife's laptop, plays with the baby toys, asks about the Wii...just anything you can imagine.
<Biff> how did he find you?
<^Migs^> I was just the random house he picked.
<^Migs^> It took a lot of convincing and keeping him focused. But finally I get him to call his sister on the phone. He refused to call his mom, because "she was asleep" but I guess his sister was okay.
<^Migs^> So I get his sister on the phone, and get an address from her, and tell them I'll drive him home.
<Biff> he was that far from home that you had to drive him?
<^Migs^> Well, I open the garage door, and try to coax him into my car. He gets all upset over this, and says he'll just go to some other house.
<^Migs^> He was about 6 blocks from home.
<^Migs^> Anyway, he bolts out the door, and starts running down the street. So I get in my car to chase after him.
<^Migs^> Fortunately, the police were out searching the neighborhood for him, too, and they managed to catch him down at the corner, so I didn't have to go very far.
<^Migs^> They called his mom and told her where we were, so we all just hung out and waited. Apparently, it's not the first time he's done this, since the cops knew him quite well.
<^Migs^> The family locks the doors and stuff, but this time he got out through the doggy door.
<^Migs^> Best. Facebook status update. Ever.
#19123
<bec> whats the temperature up there in canada?
<Jonathan`> it's about 34 celcius right now
<bec> Really? Here we go by degrees its 87 here
<Jonathan`> Holy fuck lol! you americans
#308597
BossMan: That is intellisense
BossMan: It's an extra feature
BossMan: They give it to you for free then it goes away after 15 days or something like that
BossMan: You will get used to it, love it, have it taken away, be unable to understand how you ever wrote SQL without it, then slowly forget it existed.
#16247
<teresa> how is your meeting
<msd> well
<msd> we got off topic
<msd> and everyone is now looking at porn
#4207
<eldeesux0r> i used to think lysol was a lice repellent
<eldeesux0r> one day i sprayed it in my hair before i went to school cuz they were doing lice checks
<eldeesux0r> i got a rash :|
#18804
<GnuVince> wanna know my brother's new CS handle?
<Kint> L33t killa Monster dude -=[y0]=- ?
<GnuVince> nope
<GnuVince> SupaAlien King Glenn Groenland
#32001
--> TimStarling (TimStarlin@dialup-152.50.194.203.acc02-dryb-mel.comindico.com.au) has joined #wikipedia
<TimStarling> hello
<silsor> re
<angelab> hi
<maximus_rex> hi tim
<Hephaestos> hi tim
<Jamesday> hi Tim
<FooBarBaz> hi Tim
<silsor> hi Tim
<FooBarBaz> ... now if we only had a punchline, this could be worthy of bash. :)
<silsor> ________
<silsor> < Hi Tim >
<silsor> --------
<silsor> \ ^__^
<silsor> \ (oo)\_______
<silsor> (__)\ )\/\
<silsor> ||----w |
<silsor> || ||
#21970
<Mardom> Tip: Never try to pee no handed and with out watching
<Mardom> I did ;(
<Lare> or in the dark
<Ratadm> try it while doing jumping jacks
<Mardom> I was feeling adventerous
#36675
<fatlilbug> If my second cousin is totally hot, is it alright so long as we use protection?
<ZekeMcN> fatlilbug: you're from arkansas, aren't you?
<fatlilbug> kentucky :/
#10058
<eV`Zenoge> Isn't herpies food?
<eV`Zenoge> like chocolate
<eV`Zenoge> wait a minute
<eV`Zenoge> thats hershes
#295456
Note: he was on AIM on his phone
dr4yn30: AAAAAAAAAAAHH
dr4yn30: I HAVE T9
dr4yn30: HATE*
dr4yn30: I WAS TELLING SOMEONE I LOVED THEIR APP
dr4yn30: FOR A GAME
dr4yn30: AND T9 MADE IT SAY ''I love your ass''
dr4yn30: FFFFFFFFFFFFF
#7133
<Rasputin> eiiiiidle eidle eee
<Rasputin> eiiiidle eidle eee
<Rasputin> we won't be leavin' til we get some pus-sy sooooooo
<CrashCat> i'm not complainin' but shut up or I'll beat your brain in
#48515
<dimethyl> ya u guys are sooo much cooler than that other chan/server i chat in
<dimethyl> oops wrong chan
#305776
* Jorfs (Jorfs@9BEA575.2F81F144.8DE8CFAD.IP) has joined #britfa.gs
<Jorfs> Shit how do i chat up this hot redhead?
<music> okc?
<Jorfs> Nah im at a bar
<music> so let me get this straight
<music> you're at a bar
<music> and you're trying to chat a girl up
<music> but you don't know what to do, so you come on irc?
<Jorfs> Yes
<Jorfs> Why are they all laughing at me now?
<music> hahah
#15493
<tak> if i move to canada ill be so rich
<tak> cause your money sucks
<disco-stu> yep
<disco-stu> but at least our country doesnt!
<tak> haha
<Ped> haha
<vivid> haha
<aj> haha
<blakangel> haha
#299781
Hobbesy: Ghost, this is an intervention
Hobbesy: You're obviously a raging alchoholic
Ghostrider: No I'm fine
Ghostrider: why?
Hobbesy: No Ghost
Hobbesy: It has to stop
Ghostrider: *sigh*
Ghostrider: where did I post?
#33168
*** xt0rt was kicked by [noam] (penis, the only meat that tastes the same dark or light)
Comment: #emu eFnet
#43604
<Rob-iwiwc> imagine if the pope got up now
<Rob-iwiwc> think that might cause an increase in catholics?
<@HPZ> Rob-iwiwc: that's a damned good idea. They should've planned it that way.
<@HPZ> What a brilliant recruitment strategy.
<sprawl_gnome> worked for Jesus
Comment: #fark
#12053
<pele> cookies and milk is the shit
<pele> true thug snack
<sigma> i didnt know santa was a thug
<pele> you think he buys all those presents?