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#51128
<alb2550> All the text on my screen is blurring into dirty limericks and communist propaganda which means i must be really tired.
#298760
<Jason Iscariot> To me, every commercial just advertises TiVo.
#48288
<Sargasm> It must be a bitch to write your name in the snow in Arabic
#40308
<@Tik-Tok> I pay for one service that allows me to steal just about every other service I require.... the internet
Comment: Regarding paying for iTunes
#6834
<angst> someone off campus was looking at my penis.
<angst> i think i spend too much time analyzing people's actions in my webserver's logs
#7412
<cromicus> they're all like "everytime you say the word 'sex', jesus cries and floods a town in a third-world country"
#61152
<kosh> we have a bug that occurs on the 31st of a month
<kosh> so once a month we get a bug report
<kosh> it gets assigned to a developer within 24 hours
<kosh> who then fiddles for a bit before marking it "unable to reproduce"
#67755
<Amika> what is worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm
<RMD> going down on a girl and seeing she has a penis
<MrMog> the holocaust
<Amika> you guys are no fun
#49997
<B> what westlife songs have I sent
<Pokeytax> what possible gain can I derive from telling you
<Mullenkamp> what is a question mart
<Mullenkamp> k.
<Mullenkamp> question mark.
<B> we are too poor to go to the question mart
<B> that is why we have no question marks
<Mullenkamp> yeah, that would explain it
#14533
<Vedic> Boiling cheese = DON'T EAT
#8311
* Anderlan raises a cheek off the chair
<Anderlan> farting is offensive, but raising a cheek in preparation is even more so
<gears> it's a good way to show people "I am not interested in what you have to say. Leave my cubicle at your soonest convenience."
#15434
<juji> but i'd have to learn japanese to play half of its games :)
<z2-Fool> you don't speak japanese?
<z2-Fool> and you're a slope?
<z2-Fool> :)
<juji> :(
<juji> i'd cry
<juji> but i cant fit tears through my chinky eyeslits
#304088
<Onyx> playing hide and seek with a cat tis harrd
<Onyx> he never acts surprised when he finds me, it's always just like "*sigh* I knew you were there from the start ... stupid human"
#9616
<@djcrom> she looks like shes about to giggle, then strip naked and wail away at her clit with a hammer in a sweaty, bloody session of demented masturbation
<Insolence> damn that's what my mom looked like when she found a porno in my room
#840
<SWM> catholics are stupid
<SWM> "masturbation is a sin"
<SWM> I sure showed them
#29102
<Amante> ToiletDuk: I'd respond to that but I've learned through hard experience that you're a vacuum devoid of logic and it's pointless to try and argue something even as simple as common sense with you. So just die instead. Thanks.
#4151
<BucWork> dude; 2pac isn't dead
<BucWork> he is in Europe
<BucWork> my dad works for the fbi
#7535
<orb06> something red and semi-opaque
<orb06> said it was "stool softener"
<orb06> Im like wtf
<orb06> I like my stool hard, ma'am
<orb06> and left without it
<orb06> no pain no gain
<orb06> thats what I say
#1488
<NtG> now if only people would swallow their syringes
<NtG> im sick of stepping on them
#106799
<Emmles> Guess what?
<Stueh> What?
<Emmles> I just had my first pee as an 18 year old
<Emmles> It was intense.
#93358
Invisceo: If i don't get at least a 175 on the LSAT, i'll have to fly to NY and jump off the Empire State Building
Styling Dan: dude, jump off the world trade towers
Styling Dan: they are much higher
Kazooie197: Not anymore :|
Styling Dan: what?
Styling Dan: yeah, Im pretty sure they are the tallest building in new york
Invisceo: dude, where have YOU been?
Styling Dan: what?
Kazooie197: I'm probably taller than the remaining rubble
Styling Dan: what do you mean
Styling Dan: rubble!??1?
Styling Dan: WHAT THE FUCK?!
#12379
<[{ug}]> hmm i really should spring clean this pooter. /usr/src is taking up 2.1Gb
<Lithium^> what have you got in there? the sources to your porn collection?
#301631
[Thrasher]: there needs to be Star Wars themed snacks
[Thrasher]: Chewy granola bars
[Thrasher]: C3PO Henry bars
[Thrasher]: and the moneymaker
[Thrasher]: Han Rolos!!
[Buchwald]: /block
[Buchwald]: /ignore
[Buchwald]: /delete
[Buchwald]: Goddammit one of these has to work
[Buchwald]: /kill
[Thrasher]: come on!! HAN ROLOS!
[Buchwald]: /abort
[Buchwald]: /put up for adoption
[Buchwald]: FUUUUUUUUUUUCK
[Thrasher]: sorry youve heard
[Thrasher]: you laughed
[Thrasher]: and now youll remeber it forever
[Buchwald]: I went to a sushi place last night that offered something called the "That's How I.." roll. And I thought that was the worst pun I'd hear all week. 15 hours later, you top it.
[Thrasher]: haha
[Thrasher]: "Han Rolos!! Share them with your friends...don't be Greedo"
[Thrasher]: too far?
[Buchwald]: I hate to admit it, but that line finally got me to laugh
[Thrasher]: Emperor Pralines: Your feeble powers are no match for the Dark Nougat
Comment: Thrasher continued on for another five minutes
#9222
<Al> vasectomy is a foolish barbarism
<Al> it would be completely unnecessary is men weren't so stupid to keep having sex with women
<jre|away> It's not that. The odd sperm cell can cling to air particles and accidentally get sucked into a passing vagina
<Vodex> like an extraction fan but in reverse
<Al> damn those vaginas, is there no depravity they will not commit
#21513
<eDAN> That makes me think...has there been a wirework porn movie called "The Mattress" yet?
<eDAN> If not, I need to contact Larry Flynt and Tsui Hark pronto.
<eDAN> "You see...the machines realized that mankind is a natural battery, and we put off joules and joules of heat in our everyday life." "Whoa." "And damn, we REALLY put off a lot of heat while we fuck."
<Gavok> "There is no condom."
<eDAN> "People...are like...a virus. But a virus with nice tits."