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#72500
<Tim> FFS, why did they give me an antidepressant that is also used for treating premature ejaculation >_< masturbating for ten minutes is no fun at all.
#3681
<rivvah> dude, he's from montana or some shit. 17.50 would buy a new house
<Ouroboros> What's a house?
#24549
<Otto> I froze up during a school play once
<Otto> Then I remembered what my teacher said
<Otto> "Imagine them naked!"
<Otto> So I did and I got a big hard on and ran off stage
#67077
<+Clariax> M_Tabak fears paper cutters
<+M_Tabak> I don't like paper cutters. I think it's their attitude. They're all about destruction and tearing things apart. That's not what I'm all about. I'm about togetherness. You know who has it right? Staplers. Staplers, man.
#306718
[talking about kuwait]
everbong: i almost got blowed up back in the day.. thats how i got the name everbong
MaxGripper: really?
MaxGripper: what happened?
everbong: this lady came up to a small group of us, saying something, and i was like "everbong?? wtf??" we started to walk away and she exploded
everbong: apparantly she was saying "i have a bomb" in fail english
#44030
<sidewinder> has he ever looked at M theory?
<Alliance> the theory that M likes to kick me?
Alliance was kicked from #homeworld by m (i think this is called a 'proof')
#43492
(@ddew|bofh) heh, I really need to get out more. I just ogt annoyed that a truck was revving it's engine outside so I went out to check what was going on. Turns out that the apartment next to mine was on fire and the truck I heard was one of 3 fireengines :)
#29317
<hypr> im gay
<J3anyus> appparently i'm gay now.
<hypr> fuck you, i was gay first
<J3anyus> we can be gay together :>
#301487
saltydog: i told you
thero: you did?
saltydog: you said youd go if someone bought you a drink
thero: stop talking to me when im drunk
saltydog: that leaves a 5 minute window each day to talk to you
thero: thats not my problem
#27907
<cyborgd17> this is fucked up, i hadn't jerked for about 1 week *out of boredom :|* and all these girls start flirting with me for some reason, then i finally free up some room in the ol' nutsack and i'm a loveless geek again! no-one comes near me....masturbation sends out bad vibes!
<twistoliver> you're such a fucktard, don't you know everytime that you masturbate, god kills a kitten
<hellyeh15> yeh, you must of killed their cats
<cyborgd17> that makes sense, cuz i've killed enough kittens to make a kitten bridge to the moon...and back
<jonbridgenash> wait wait wait...hold up.....girls?
#9560
<PYRoTkNiX> i dont look at naked horses
#17881
<Heinz89> seen alric
<Plaidhawk> alric!irc@smilex.ormoru.net was last seen by me in #stars! 11m 22s ago saying: !seen heinz89
#301599
Jingleboy: Love how the Business version of Vista has "have fun on your PC" unticked
#101481
<SaxxonPike> mmm, steak
<SLASHSPIT> you guys don't respect the environment, do you?
<SaxxonPike> I respect a good dinner
<SLASHSPIT> how can you eat that? cows are like one of the largest contributors of methane gas
<SLASHSPIT> which contributes to global warming and stuff
<SLASHSPIT> so what are you all doing for the environment?
<SaxxonPike> I eat the fucking cows
Comment: #das-cove
#24440
<seth> Dammit, I've had hiccups for the past TWO HOURS!
<icon> Have you tried $USELESS_REMEDY?
<seth> I've tried all @USELESS_REMEDIES!
#9031
<DJTodd> My sister in law once asked me if it counted as sex if she fucked some guy but didn't kiss him.
<DJTodd> She's a real brain.
#72026
<LPF> sara, are you in a relationship?
<kitchen> lpf must be new.
<sarala> LPF, are you being serious?
<LPF> ...have I missed something here?
<sarala> Rjx is my husband
<kitchen> you're married now?
<Rjx> we're married now?
#273721
chewypow: so when i worked at Starbucks in little rock, there was this super hot 18 year old, miss teen usa right
chewypow: she came in one day and was talking to me and told me when she was brushing her hair that morning, a lot of it came out.. she then continues to explain that she thought she had 'chemo'
chewypow: a week later she comes in and uses some mouthwash, and then swallows it. I point out to her that it says on the back if accidently swallowed to call poison control immediately
chewypow: she reads the label and looks at me and says "Oh.. it's ok. I didn't do it on accident"
muku: ...
chewypow: exactly. brain synapses stop firing when you hear this story right?
Comment: Sadly a true story
#15791
<Chrizto> one day someone on this channel will die and their last words
will be construed as irc laughter from their head slapping the keyboard on the way down.
#55591
Mattias: i still say i get a siren and tie it to my belly and get some deeeep pocket pants full of change. Then i walk past a hobo on the street and when he asks me for some spair change i am going to put the siren on and start throwing change at him yelling " YOU WON THE JACKPOT"
#17086
<kethepoo> i remember the first time windows said "this program has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down", and i was worried that they found out about the porn i had looked at
#17828
<standby> i'm moving to my own office tomorrow
<standby> i feel so cool
<standby> i'll be able to mastrubate while i work
<standby> well i allready do but it will be easier
#28884
<@kingmob> oh, yes, the poor downtrodden welsh.
<@kingmob> you'd think they'd be grateful for the occupiers' gift of vowels.
#14850
(@HS): yes, i was around a very powerfull political figure, and all i could think about was banging his daughter
#34730
<SubLimeR> thank god for neighbors
<SubLimeR> i was watching tv a few hours earlier and i fell asleep
<SubLimeR> the kids came home from school and i had the door locked
<SubLimeR> and i didn't hear it because i'm a really heavy sleeper, and i wake up and i yell "OMG WHERE ARE THE KIDS?!"
<SubLimeR> so i call next door to ask if they've seen them and my buddy's wife says, "yeah dipshit you locked your god damn kids out"
Comment: ah the simple joys of parenting