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#37790
<simon-say> CNN is reporting that Lance Armstrong may be stripped of his 6th Tour de France title.
<simon-say> In a random check for banned substances, three were found in Armstrong's hotel room.
<simon-say> The substances banned by the French that were found in his hotel room were as follows: (1) Toothpaste, (2) Deodorant, (3) Soap
<simon-say> The French officials also found several other items which they had never seen before, including a testicle and a backbone...
<simon-say> Earlier reports that French Government officials attempted to surrender to Armstrong as he entered Paris were apparently erroneous.
#15163
*** WiLD`stripped is now known as WiLD2`dummphuck
<Swarthy_Foreskin> wild, how was the stripping
<WiLD2`dummphuck> didn't get to it
<WiLD2`dummphuck> Nicole called
<Swarthy_Foreskin> bah
<Swarthy_Foreskin> damn women
<Swarthy_Foreskin> keep getting in the way of you getting your pants off
<Catalyst88> and theirs
<Swarthy_Foreskin> yeah
#14569
<Baby_Gurl16> Does any one here have a thousand dollars i could borrow to bail my boyfriend out of jail with if so please msg me
#12547
<veggie> when matthew was just learning to talk we were on the bus
<veggie> and he couldnt quite pronounce truck
<veggie> he pronounced it fuck
<sully> back to work with you :)
<sully> LOL veggie
<veggie> so he looks out the bus window and says really loud...
<veggie> OH MOMMY BIG FUCK
<sully> LOL!
<veggie> hahaha
<veggie> BIG HUGE FUCK
<veggie> firetruck = firefuck
<veggie> dumptruck = dumpfuck
<veggie> etc..
#16511
<noah> no I need a way to come to terms with the fact that I wasted
<noah> my horny years whacking off to porn instead of bagging college
<noah> tail
<dr.adam> might i suggest bourbon
#29205
<NES> lol
<NES> I download something from Napster
<NES> And the same guy I downloaded it from starts downloading it from me when I'm done
<NES> I message him and say "What are you doing? I just got that from you"
<NES> "getting my song back fucker"
#299423
<@jpn> "Most UK radio stations are now having to censor the word 'sex' in the line 'birthday sex' replacing 'sex' with the word 'ssh' making it say 'birthday ssh'. This change has occured quite recently as orignally radio stations were free to play the uncensored version."
<@WorstQEvr> do you get birthday ssh when you turn port 22
#1112
<BlackDeth> gb: ph33r im gonna be seeing spacegirl in a few weeks :P
<LkTrout1> Deth is a boner.
<blazemore> lk has a blackdeth.
#25170
<NewSonCometh> my sister found 50 bucks today
<NewSonCometh> then the person who dropped it asked her if she found it
<NewSonCometh> with the clenched 50 sticking out of her hand, she said "Nope, I don't have any cash at all"
<NewSonCometh> then the lady just walked away
<NewSonCometh> I wish more people with an abundance of 50's were that stupid
#44065
<sirveaux> so here is my take on just one aspect of intarweb politics: AOLers
<sirveaux> (AOLer) The other day, a I and a chum of mine were in the middle of an intellectual debate pertaining to the German spelling reform of 1996 and its ramifications when--
<sirveaux> (nonAOLer) omg dude r u liek an AOHELLER?/
<sirveaux> (AOLer) Why, yes I am, and--
<sirveaux> (nonAOLer) omg lolollol
<sirveaux> AOLer was kicked by nonAOLer (leik omg aohel si 4 faggerts)
<sirveaux> (nonAOLer2) rofflekopter
<sirveaux> (nonAOLer) lest go fap to screnns of linix
<sirveaux> (nonAOLer2) well lemme grab sum lube, wud u
#22113
<@RickBitch> If you break up with a chick, and u see her and her new boyfriend together some time, go up to the boyfriend and say
<@RickBitch> "Just remember, everytime you kiss those lips, my dicks been there"
#210939
< Lapkawitz> and you can tell she's really japanese becase her genitals produce a forcefield that pixelates the air around them
#1547
<iMike> i was just thinking of hiring a man to service my septic system
<maff> is that the classy way to say you want to get fucked in the ass?
#6761
<Domino> what are you doing?
<Elenkis> eating and drinking and being merry
<Elenkis> well, eating and dirnking anyway
<Elenkis> dirnking
<Elenkis> ...
<Elenkis> drinking
<Elenkis> and typing too fast
#181508
<indrora> the county commision for the blind has a shitty way of making users not mess with settings
<indrora> they set the password for the admin account to "youcantseeme"
#806
<Snots> If someone don't send me a rom I'll use ping!
#309410
<kentari> There's a huge disaster.
<kentari> The bodies are being piled up.
<kentari> How do they identify yours among the corpses?
<kentari> That's how I ask people to describe themselves on dates.
<Caltak> o_o
<kentari> it unsettles people and gives me two things: reactions, and time
<Caltak> Like, when you're already physically there with them and can see them?
<kentari> that way while they answer, I ignore them
<kentari> and I plan my next move :P
#203271
<Croc> Okay well I got this new girl home
<Croc> One thing led to another and you know
<Croc> well in the awkward moment after sex
<Croc> but before anything else happened yet
<Croc> I had the strangest impulse
<Croc> I took some left over cum and smothered it on her forehead and said "Simba..."
#8506
<aversion> i was takin a dump today in the stalls
<aversion> and someone stuck their dick through a hole
<aversion> i didnt even get to finish
#3039
<MXV> can't really tell when wife is PMSing and when she is just naturally psycho
#9041
<phatmike> i want hard boiled eggs
<phatmike> why is that?
<Dayv> Your body is craving extra fat and protein.
<Dayv> Obviously, you are preparing for mitosis.
#38015
<Jaime> this asshole pops up on my msn and he's like
<Jaime> "I hate Indians...they never use smilies, just metaphors and shit"
<Jaime> and I was like...what?
<Jaime> and he's like I'm writing a book report and I have to find a smilie
<Jaime> and I go...why would a book have a smilie?
<Jaime> and then he goes...can you read? I said simile (which he did when I re-read it)
#307486
<centrinia> I am going to make something similar to a home pregnancy test device.
<robb_www> but it will be made of RAZORBLADES
<robb_www> and it will always say "not anymore"
#4449
<the_hydra> I got a hemorroid once and used Preparation H's little "anal applicator" and didn't think it was really worth it. I think they just included that as a joke.
#38787
[@Persephone] if you are talking to some "chick" online who says she only has 3 pairs of shoes chances are its a dude