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#300810
Crimson_Judas: I overheard this chick at lunch talking to a friend
Crimson_Judas: About how she had to terminate her pregnancy when she was young, and now that she's ready for children she can't get pregnant
lemonlimeskull: Classic case of ABORT, RETRY, FAIL.
#13407
<@durin> wanting to work for redhat is like wanting herpies
<@KrON> theres no i in herpes
<@KrON> that sounds like a personal motto
#133
<Bobby20> I had this really weird dream once that I dropped my penis in the shower and I couldn't get it to go back on
#309682
(Apsu) My biological clock says 12:00 and blinks.
#53486
*** lowenergy is now known as emojesus
<emojesus> watch me turn water into whine
#55800
<Twin`> do you know how hard it would be to fake intelligence without google?
<swight> sorry, my browser crashed, I can\'t answer that
#50475
<Rohoho> dude
<Rohoho> your not gonna believe this
<Rohoho> some bastard is picking my mangos
<Ranju> go fuck him up
<Rohoho> brb...
<Ranju> kk
<Rohoho> WTF
<Rohoho> he fucken hit me!
<Rohoho> with my own mango
#61358
< withnail> i read a true story in a book today, cracked me up. these guys are on a picket line for striking dock workers or something, and they have a snowman there with a toy cops helmet on and a frown made of stones there. anyway, a senior police officer in his range rover drives past and calls over some of the policemen supervising the picket asking about the snowman and saying he wanted it gone (what a dick) the other police said "well we feel a bit silly kicking down their snowman" so the top brass guy goes "fine! i'll do it myself!" and drives into the snowman......what he didn't know was
< withnail> that it was built over a concrete bollard. wrecked seven shades of shit out of his car
#7138
<Prior_Tuck> We had a real Pron king at eaton though. He wad a 30 gig HD full of pron. He requests a new Hard Drive. We suspected he was downloading. He refused to give us his PC, but we insisted to take it...to install the new drive. I took his ten times embedded folder and clicked delete. Put the harddrive in my PC and gave hi his PC back. I told him his cache was full. hes got plenty of room
#26289
<DawnG>I was forced to attend a seminar on leadership. We were broken into small groups and each was asked to state what skills a good leader possesses. I wrote, "Needs to be good with elephants and crossing Alps." The others at my table were amused, but the seminar coordinator didn't get it. I said it was a reference to Hannibal, known for his leadership qualities. Her reply: "What leadership qualities? He was a cannibal, and anyway, it was lambs, not elephants."
#1134
<timmo> remember how i told you guys about that chick
<timmo> i was talking to in the record store
<McMoo> the imaginary one?
#300780
gAmmA: Olivia Munn is single
gAmmA: I'm going to California
Axoren: No you're not.
Axoren: You're gonna google her and jack off.
#56642
@[BONFIRE] just got the best question ever
@[BONFIRE] by some n00b
@[BONFIRE] whos trying to install an old printer
@[BONFIRE] like 15 yo
@[BONFIRE] he doesnt know why it wont work
@[BONFIRE] it keep poping up with "new hardware found"
@[BONFIRE] and he clicks cancel
@[BONFIRE] cause its not new
@[BONFIRE] >_<
#7513
<eth0_tulip> once, i stabbed a guy in LA, for not closing both eyes at the same time when he blinked
#56933
<AaA> last year when i was working as a day laborer after i got laid off from my other job, i was hired by a contractor to expand a deck for this couple
<AaA> it was going to be expanded out to the son's old room on the second floor, and so they also wanted the walls of the room ripped out
<AaA> so i grabbed a sledgehammer and began pounding out the walls around the closet, and i lost my grip and it fell out of my hand
<AaA> the hammer hits the floor, and about a quarter of the flooring in the closet gives way and i fall through and crash down onto the dining room table, which had dishes and stuff on it, i got cut up pretty good
<AaA> the owners ran inside to find me on the crushed table.
<AaA> it was then they mentioned that their son had a habit of pissing in the closet during the night.
<AaA> :/
#3457
<Legatic> How can you think you matter when your URL has a tilde in it?
#6270
<pipedream> one time i pee'd on the mcdonalds restroom floor
<pipedream> but it was a "statement"
#11271
<Sandie> http://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/celebrity/wesleys-anal-ordeal <- Sci needs to see this
<Sandie> "As Wesley opened his mouth in agony Kor slid the gigantic head of
<Sandie> his Klingon cock into his soft boy-mouth. Wes's scream became a gurgle as
<Sandie> he began nursing the head in compliance with Kor's bellowing order to
<Sandie> please his warrior dick with his pussyboy mouth.
<c_thur> ...
* Tomko slits his wrists and welcomes the sweet red death
#309863
SavageWolf: Inside every man and woman is a horny teenager. Sometimes literally. In which case, uh, you are doing something illegal.
#297713
<tyranny12> and i quote the television: 'Foster's. Get some Australian in you. <pause, woman's voice comes on> Am I pregnant?'
#7786
<nakedpretzel> The pr()n industry uses interlaced .gif's to toy with my fragile emotions...
#461
<Theseus> get the free like 10 CDs they give you
<Theseus> then write a letter to them signed under your parents name saying you burned all those satan music CDs, and to never send mail to that address again
#20734
<Bivens> Internet Explorer Tip: when it says "turn off images", it only refers to inline images. Which is why it's safe to go to Goatse but not Tubgirl. I think it's obvious how I figured this out.
#16602
<Baledood> fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffftggggtfggggff
<Baledood> oops
<Baledood> sorry, was fishing a crumb from under the F key
#9624
<caspah> I woke up
<caspah> half on the couch
<caspah> half off
<caspah> with no clothes on
<caspah> and a condom next to ther couch
<djcrom> used?
<caspah> yeah
<caspah> BUT
<caspah> my gf left last night
<caspah> she went to a friends
<caspah> my gf wasn't here
<Vapno> was your ass sore?
<caspah> actually yeash