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#2910
<Berzerker> like one time i shit on a bench in my school playground
<Berzerker> and like it smelt so bad
<Berzerker> and i covered it with playground gravel
<Berzerker> and like when the cafeteria aid came the next day she cleared it off with her hand
<Berzerker> and like
<Berzerker> poop!
#54088
<Dogan> GUYS, STORY TIME
<Dogan> SO my teacher's friend's friend or something
<Dogan> She was dogsitting one day
<Dogan> Shows up the first time, finds the dog dead on the floor, right?
<Nightryde> how embarrassing
<Dogan> SO she's gotta pack the dog corpse up and take it to the vet so they can dispose of it or whatever
<Dogan> She can't find anything to fit it in, so she stuffs it in a freaking SUITCASE
<Dogan> She didn't have a car so she has to take the train through Chicago
<Zeelot> oh mannnn
<Dogan> This guy helps her carry the case on and is like
<Dogan> "this is pretty heavy, what's in it?"
<Dogan> lady replies "just some computer things"
<Dogan> the guy SOCKS HER IN THE FACE AND RUNS OFF WITH THE CASE
<joebot> ROFLMAO ROFLROFLROFL!!!
<Zeelot> OMG ROOOOOOOOOFL
<Nightryde> AHAHAHAHAHAHA HOW would you pawn that sort of thing???
Comment: True story.
#210939
< Lapkawitz> and you can tell she's really japanese becase her genitals produce a forcefield that pixelates the air around them
#25221
<Boogieman> I run my fingers up your left thigh
<Boogieman> oops, uhh, wrong channel
<Status> LOL!!
<Boogieman> forget you ever saw that
<Status> Gee, now would be a great time to take that new screenshot...
* Boogieman glances around nervously
<Asmodi> rofl, boogieman, what cha doin?
<Boogieman> certainly not trying to have permiscuous sex with cyber strangers, thats for sure
#296081
<urbex> neat....Niagara Falls is ~12,000 years old
<dopey> what was there 12,001 years ago?
<Bunsen> The interesting thing about Niagara Falls is the way it's been eating its way up the river over those tens of thousands of years.
<Bunsen> When it gets back to Lake Erie, it'll pretty much drain the lake and reduce it to the Erie River.
<niteshad> Bunsen: that'll suck for all those ports along Lake Erie, like Cleveland.
<dopey> niteshad: Not at all. It just means that cleveland can expand north like it has longed to do for ~12,000 years.
<Bunsen> niteshad: If we're not shipping goods in fusion-powered spacecraft by the time it happens, then we suck as a species and deserve the fate of having to build more Cleveland.
#1048
<DooD> <31hp 102m 60mv> You start fighting A mouse.
<DooD> A mouse ducks to the ground, narrowly avoiding your strike!
<DooD> A mouse skillfully dodges your assault.
<DooD> A mouse is in excellent condition.
<DooD> <31hp 102m 60mv>
<DooD> A mouse strikes you with terminal brutality!
<DooD> You are stunned, but will probably recover.
<DooD> wtf was that
<timmo> well
<timmo> a mouse whooped your ass
#11386
[00:45] [@{Defenderz}] WTF THE FUCK?
#51244
<the_fonz> i've been dating this chick
<the_fonz> it's been my most stable relationship
<the_fonz> i thought it would last a while
<the_fonz> TURNS OUT SHE'S MY COUSIN
#14309
Dainichi> I'm going to start a band called Hand Solo.
Dainichi> Our first song will be a heavy metal cover of "I Touch Myself"
#305379
<guest_71> nick\ totallyhopeless
<guest_71> nick/ totallyhopeless
<guest_71> nick/totallyhopeless
<guest_71> nick\totallyhopeless
<guest_71> why isnt the nickname changer working?
Comment: #computerhope on irc.mibbit.com
#303729
<+BadFish> Mmmm, emma watson
<+Watson> I find it disturbing that I was highlighted by your sexual fantasies
#53595
<nsasch> My grandfather was on the team that invented FORTRAN
<nsasch> My brother's an artist.
<nsasch> My father's a program.
<saracen> But, does he run on linux?
Comment: irc.vaccus.com @ #main
#15787
<SiZZuRp> what has 7 balls and screws old ladies?
<Chibi-Trunks> iunno
<SiZZuRp> the lottery
#309682
(Apsu) My biological clock says 12:00 and blinks.
#33102
<Lippizanr> part of me never wants to get married though.
<triple6> that would be the vagina.
#83969
<Karg> I had a buddy once who thought it'd be real cool to huff glue.
<Karg> He was standing like in the middle of our group and he's like "hey guys, check this shit!"
<Karg> So he gets this glue.
<Karg> On the first huff he squeezes the bottle and ends up gluing his nose shut.
<Karg> Funniest hospital visit ever.
#29906
<ZyKl0n> my uncle died on saturday
<ZyKl0n> :(
<ZyKl0n> I don't understand it... he was 43
<ZyKl0n> I hope I don't die when I'm 43
<j0sh> sux to be himi
<j0sh> did he die on the toilet
<j0sh> ?
<ZyKl0n> no... dropped dead walking up a driveway to an auction
<ZyKl0n> just keeled over
<j0sh> ROFL
<j0sh> did u take pics
<j0tun> OMG
<j0tun> what kinda question is that?
#115245
<riker> hey, do you know what the shortest sentence in english is?
<hazer> No.
<riker> thanks
#7230
[ace_kevi] heh, i didn't know there was a programming language called
brainfuck.
[buz-] goes by "MIPS assembler" also
#27364
<sheeps> I had two chicks
<sheeps> in my room
<sheeps> I had two chicks
<sheeps> on my bed
<sheeps> I had two chicks
<sheeps> they did loom
<sheeps> I had two chicks
<sheeps> give me head
<sheeps> ok, the last bit was a lie
<sheeps> and I have no fucking clue what loom means but yeah
#7432
<Orz> How old are you jennjenn?
<Orz> 12 right?
<jennjenn> 12??
<Orz> Yeah, comes after 13.
<Orz> Idiot.
#32280
<+Ralan> atkins works not because its a good diet, because people who are on it burn so much energy because they can't shut the fuck up about being on atkins
#103393
<^Migs^> Is there a way I can use Javascript so that when a user clicks a button, it opens and closes their CD drive, makes their computer beep several times, and gives them a BSOD?
<bkruse> ^Migs^: tell them to use IE
<bkruse> then just write code as normal.
#11171
<pupkick> i just did my first mouthrinse with the shit i was prescribed.. i've been putting it off because i was worrying about pain like i get with scope and shit.. it was hella easy.. almost even tasted good.. now i can only blame myself for infections and extra swelling =/
<blitzoid> pupkick: You knew the risks when you became a gigalo.
#12299
<Chern> IM SO FUCKIN BORED!
* Reaper is now known as Reaper[HAVINGFUN]
* BongB is now known as Bong[NOTBORED]
* Chissy is now known as Chiss[FUNFUNFUN]
* brod is now known as brod[IMNOTBORED]
<Chern> FUCK!!!!!!