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#30151
<@|101|> I got so confused the first time someone said they had a pot plant. I'm like "cool, what's in it?" and they said " It's a pot plant dude", "Yeah I know, what type of plant", "a POT plant", "Are we missing something"
#34321
<CFC2> every have one of those days where you want to code but you cant be bothered
<ryan[WIN]> those are called "weekdays"
#309228
<arieldanielle> There's an apartment complex in which a dead girl was found recently
<arieldanielle> Now they have a sign outside advertising "killer leasing specials"
#53711
<Monxe> I have this chemistry class full of people who apparently get off acting as if they're 5. So, while leaving the class, I look over to my friend and say, "Man, I think the retardation in there is contagious."
<Monxe> Suddenly I pause, look up, and realize that we're right across from the special ed. hallway.
#34358
* NeoMatrix goes outside to hump an oak tree
<Shavnir> Thanks for the bash quote Neo
<NeoMatrix> Sure thing, anytime.
<Cally> thats only a 11 year old oak neo, thats statutory tree rape
<NeoMatrix> The younger, the better.
<NeoMatrix> It hurts like hell when I hit a knot... :/
#34302
<TheGreatDrunkMonkey> It's like a book report from Hell
<Mayseth> Sounds like alot of writing, I'll get you started.
<Mayseth> Page 1: It was short, and boring. Losing interest to read book.
<Mayseth> page 2: Still boring. I fell asleep. Will continue in the morning.
<Mayseth> Page 2.5: God this book sucks.
<Mayseth> Page 3: I downloaded the rest of this report off the internet. Enjoy.
#230
<kisama> i'll have dsl too, by this week, brett
<kisama> cockface is hooking me up
<kisama> :)
<Guilty|> Thats really nice of your mom to do
#309684
(@pirokoro) you know your city is fucked up when William Gibson uses it as example of emergent chaotic dystopia :P
#300860
<spigwitmerdicks> so i had this cool dream where i was in the hospital in a body cast and could only communicate with pen & paper, which for some reason i drew a dick on a paper that i gave back to a nurse. a bunch of a nurses and doctors then gathered around it puzzled by the possible interpretations of what i wanted while i just laughed my ass off cause i just felt like drawing a fucking dick
#309377
<Zetetic> What's the extra four-digit code on my library card?
<Tonitrus> Missile access code
<Tonitrus> For emergencies
<Zetetic> Even our government isn't that stupid
* Zetetic hopes
<akkark> what does it read?
<Zetetic> Four digits
<Zetetic> I'd tell you, but I'm worried Tonitrus is right
<Zetetic> So I don't want to say it on a public channel
#311199
<the_map> I'm a bit upset that bash.org doesn't have anything like, "Ursula sets mode -v Ariel"
#8257
<+Incantation> shag's 100% let you cry on his shoulder and make you think he cares so that he can manipulate you into sucking his cock
<+Julie42> HOLY SHIT! Good. Because here I was thinking I had to think of things to cry about, just so I could suck on his cock.
#6057
<kingmob> lisa is being very resistant to this whole "dreadlock" thing
<kingmob> probably concerned about all the fly bitches i'll have
#26227
<dooyod>: r u gonna put a drop down arrow beside the date picker?
<mreta>: I think that will make the form look ugly...
<dooyod>: so, your sacrificing ease of use for overall good looks???
<mreta>: yes, i think so.
<dooyod>: my friend, welcome to the next level of web development. i'm proud of ya'
#296810
<nuclearrabbit> So I was talking to SPC Guyette and he was tellin his lulz from Iraq stories
<nuclearrabbit> Like when the gunner in their hummer threw all the shit from his MRE he didn't want to eat to some kids on the side of the road
<nuclearrabbit> and yelled
<nuclearrabbit> "It's an IED of flavor!"
<nuclearrabbit> But the driver only heard "it's an IED" and swerved off the road
#295851
<glxblt> when my dad was a fire fighter they had this special technique for putting out fires called the "APP-technique"
<glxblt> Antaa Paskan Palaa. Roughly translated as "Let the piece of shit burn"
<glxblt> it was easier to use the "APP" -term around the owners of the property when the fire was so bad that they didn't really try to put it out, just to contain it
<glxblt> if they'd openly talk about just letting it burn it sorta might've upset the owners :D
<glxblt> also known as "removing the burning material."
<glxblt> (by burning it)
#300871
<Error1355>: Cows can feel pain, emotions, depression, etc just the same as us, so why do we have the right not to be hurt and incarcerated and they don't? What makes us so special? If it is our ability to *think* then babies and mentally handicapped adults should have no rights either. Why the discrepancy?
<or_something>: well im going to start eating retarded babies to make that person feel better
#32187
<+Hampy> I think we should have a mature conversation rather than everyone saying random shit
<+Doody> Hampy: Penis.
#308006
<dr2chase> As I said to someone else, back when the Lite-Brite Mooninites panicked the Boston Police, the first rule of making a bomb, is to not make it look like a bomb.
<dr2chase> That's why IEDs get buried, stuffed into dead dogs, what have you. Around here, if you wanted to hide a bomb in plain sight, you'd stick it in a crumpled Dunkin Donuts bag.
<anony> Isn't a Dunkin Donuts bag the first place a cop would look?
#25617
<Ronwe> Why is it that every time I say something everybody runs to "bas"?
<Ronwe> wtf is bash
<viro|away> http://www.bash.org
* Ronwe goes
<Ronwe> oh fuck.
#51593
Florgenblorken: did i tell you my cousin ran away
Caracarn52: nope
Caracarn52: Go on.
Florgenblorken: hes like a drug addict and just bad news in general, and he hates his parents. so i hear from my dad last week he ran off with 1200$ and has been gone for about half a week. but heres the fucked up part. he asked me last time i saw him, "hey dude ive been thinking of running off think i should?" and me being an idiot says, "yeah man sure why not" since i thought he was joking
Florgenblorken: whoops
#10913
<Random> Actually, I'm not the devil. I'm an interested third-party broker. Unfortunately, not being the devil, I can't change the size of your ass.
#19834
<Rodent> Me and my penis have an understanding.
<Cornjob7> "I'm going to choke you till I get what I want?"
<Rhaz> You want the semen? I always considered that an annoying feature
#16971
<ncc386> It seems to be an oral fixation that drives me to smoke and when I quit 3 weeks ago I started eating more. If that's the case there is a healther, cleaner, more fun oral practice that could satisfy me.
#5987
<Foggie> i wish i could buy shares in hot women
<Foggie> then i could go to ashley judd and be like "you gotta sleep with me since i own 2% of you"