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#9413
(@Bean): rofl
(@Bean): I asked my g/f too marry me, she took me seriously
#16472
<AkumaUsagi> because every scoobie doo episode could have been 1 minute long if only someone would have eventually bought a gun.
#222135
InfernalTempestX: she's like
InfernalTempestX: you'll never change
InfernalTempestX: i'm like
InfernalTempestX: you'll never lose weight
#302081
Codi: You could always buy a RealDoll. Fuck her when you're horny, she just lays there and doesn't bitch about how you never put the seat down or take out the garbage, and you can just shove her in the closet when you're not stickin' it in her pooper.
Jason: wtf
Jason: I always put the seat down
#61
<Guilty> Really, celerons make me laugh
<Guilty> The white trash chip
#31593
<nomad> I know my friend's password!
<djoanes> what is it?
<nomad> ******
#86239
<Bricker> Hey natpen, we’re trying to come up with some nicknames for Jennings, did you have any?
<natpen> Well, one time we were about to have sex and he was too drunk to get it up. So we laid there awhile and it was pretty awkward. Then, he stood up on the bed with the covers wrapped around his shoulders like a cape, and screamed “I’M BATMAN”. I almost shit myself.
<Bricker> Holy shit, are you fucking serious? Please tell me you’re making that up.
<natpen> No, I’m not. The weird thing is, after he got into the role, he finally got it up, and it was the best sex of my life. So I usually call him batman.
#15704
<PetrDoubt> OK, kids...what's the maximum number of SOAs per zone?
<PetrDoubt> If you said 2, you have a career waiting for you at Verio!
#6771
* Fox-20 is down with gcc (yeah you know me)
#16635
<^Fizban^> I need an external modem. Anyone have one I can download?
#295832
<Arkatera>"Today, while I was babysitting, the toddler was feeding me banana slices from her tray while I was cutting up clay for her to mold. It was all fine until she shoved something hard and crunchy into my mouth. I immediately spat it out into my hand. It was a dead cricket she found on the floor. FML"
<EsuriatCorinths>Haha, owned.
<EsuriatCorinths>Never trust a toddler.
<EsuriatCorinths>all toddlers are chaotic neutral
<EsuriatCorinths>Well
<eIat10s>Wonderful description.
<EsuriatCorinths>Very occasionally you will find a chaotic evil toddler
<EsuriatCorinths>All are chaotic, though.
#306563
* TFBundy quit (No route to host)
* TFBundy joined
<TFBundy> cat just faceplanted into my router
#39771
zakalwefrombetfair: hey - i bought a jar of expensive hazelnut coffee today
Kath : you dont usually?
zakalwefrombetfair: no - i hought i'd treat myself
Kath : is it good?
zakalwefrombetfair: its fucking horrible
#38139
<Whitetail> Dont buy your birth control items and pet supplies at the same time, or you will get funny looks
#306902
<Wumpus_> someday someonme is going to show me how the hell you make a wad of pizza dough into a nice *round* shape without a lot of manual shapenanipulation after attacking it with the rolling pin
<@Alien> why do you want a pizza round? it tastes just as good in a wobbly amoeba shape
#16488
<@SpamapS> he was just a complete asshole to me last night... and then was talking shit about it after I left
<@Redb3ard> dude, i didnt see it haappen
<@SpamapS> I was arguing with him that ReiserFS was better for directory lookups, because it used b-trees to store meta data...
<@SpamapS> so he's like .. "Do you even know what a b-tree is?" ... I told him to kiss my ass...
<@SpamapS> He says "I have my algorithms and data structures book here... so tell me what a b-tree is"...
<@Redb3ard> um
<@Redb3ard> you do realize, that this finalizes your geekhood
<@SpamapS> At which point, I told him I didn't need this crap anymore and went to bed...
<@Redb3ard> there is no turning back, its irreversible, ta this late stage
#242611
<@danhm> I like lasagna but hate making it
<@danhm> it's like the antithesis of a baby
#2579
<peng> NOT JUST A PEN
<peng> A LIGHT UP PEN
<peng> IT GLOWED
<peng> IT WAS AWESOME
<peng> IT GAVE ME JOY
<Amanda> SHE WANTED IT AS A TOKEN BY WHICH TO REMEMBER YOU
<peng> I think she used it as a dildo.
#8857
<aqela> YES!
ùíù mode/#mandrake [+v nomercy] by level
<aqela> my linux came
<aqela> yes!
<[Mosher]> did yah get any on you ?
#41956
<@zeleftikam> yeah so on friday i installed this hard-disk MP3 player in the trunk on this new passat
<@zeleftikam> i think, while i was upside down in the trunk, my cell phone fell out of my pocket, and i sealed it in the trunk trim
<@zeleftikam> it's GONE
<@mitch> ha
<@mitch> nice work
<@zeleftikam> thx
#8241
<Spellweav> how much of your time to you spend hoing?
<Freaksh0> you mean fucking or pimping other chicks ?
<Spellweav> no..chicks in general
<Spellweav> how much in vitro time for your experimental probe
<Spellweav> on the whole
#36098
-!- tjs [~tjs@deepde.lnk.telstra.net] has joined #divmod
< tjs> folks, I need some info
< exarkun> tjs: The capital of Maine is Augusta.
< tjs> awsome, thanks
-!- tjs [~tjs@deepde.lnk.telstra.net] has left #divmod ["Leaving"]
#205862
<@taters> note to self
<@taters> DO NOT MESS WITH WIRES WHILE COMPUTER IS RUNNING
<@taters> i just zapped the fucking hell out of myself
<@taters> it shut my computer off, and i swear i smell burning hair
<@taters> funny enough, the first thing i thought after doing it
<@taters> besides "SON OF A BITCH OUCH"
<@taters> was "Hmm, i should have updated it if i was going to end up restarting"
#297567
<jgw> huh apparently "blackberry" means any phone with a physical keyboard and now this dumb fucking end user, who i graciously agreed to help with their personal phone is now pissed because i recommended a piece of third party software for the blackberry to connect to our calendaring server, and it does not work with their "blackberry" aka a Palm Fucking Centro
<jgw> i need to document this incident and point people requesting favors to it with a firm "no!"
<jgw> facepalm
<RangerRick> jgw: don't you mean, faceblackberry?
#27975
<pLADASK> damit i cant spell. need to update my keyboard drivers or summin