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#295544
<Raisin> One of my friends was supposed to be getting back in shape starting today- no drinking, no smoking, and lots of exercise
<Raisin> He came over at 5 pm, already drunk, to tell me our gym date was off, then bummed a cig
Comment: #offtopic
#33933
Serrated Sp00n: What the hell?
Serrated Sp00n: All I've thought about recently is penis and world domination.
Serrated Sp00n: I NEED GET LAID.
Serrated Sp00n: MUST REPRESS URGE TO RULE OVER HUMANITY.
xdev0luti0nx: Oh my god. Somebody better fuck you before you blow us all up with something.
#2934
<Potato> I've known her for years and I've always wanted to fuck her.
<Potato> But her last boyfriend was a 6 foot 7 black man.
<Potato> So I just don't try.
<Potato> I'm above average, but he was a giant black man.
<Potato> I mean, c'mon.
<Potato> He was like Godzilla, but black. Like Shaftzilla.
<memo> Did he smash Japanese skyscrapers with his dong?
<Potato> Yes.
<Potato> Yes he did.
#5415
<Necro-M> anyone here got jpeglib.h ?
<med-> had it when i was younger, i don't think you can catch it twice tho
#2012
[23:41] (q-_-p) i'm doing a couple downtempo trax.. and just started a trance track.
[23:49] (q-_-p) man. these dumps take forever.
[23:49] (q-_-p) i mean.. wav dumps
[23:49] ~ q-_-p checks his drawers.
#1092
<BlackDeth> Now playing: with myself
#31237
* xXPr0dUcTi0nXx throws panik to the ground and makes him give PcChip head
* PcChip receives the head
<PcChip> Receiving: Head from [panik] :: 36% Completed
<PcChip> at a speed of 2 Strokes per Minute
<PcChip> *** Head - Fu
« xXPr0dUcTi0nXx » i figured he'd be better
#2539
(eowzeiaow) do you gotta best friend that's not your ex?
(metalfrog) yeah
(metalfrog) he lives with my ex
#8336
<Sanji> I eat people.
<Sanji> I'm a humanitarian
#13111
<neia_doll> Im 5 foot 11 and 116 lbs..i lost 3 on accident..
<k-rad-bob> accident?
<neia_doll> so Im pretty skinny
<k-rad-bob> you got an abortion?
#302761
< sklnd> i was an intern at jpmc for two years
< sklnd> i lost like 50 million dollars one day in intra-bank funds
< sklnd> by fucking up a ftp upload
Comment: #cobol
#310766
<tmkf> if you offered steve ballmer a faustian bargain where he could do it all again, with full foreknowledge of how 2000-2010 transpired, but in return he would have to legally change his name to 'stevie peepants' and go by it
<tmkf> would he do it?
<pyna> probably. cause money
<pyna> one of the richest men in the world is named Anurag Dikshit - maybe that happened to him
#79646
(Volte) people in japan want to look like americans
(Volte) nerds in america want to look japanese
(Volte) they should just switch places and they would be all set
(Nudger) japanese people really really like foreigners
(Nudger) they just hate the idea of foreigners being anywhere near them
(Nudger) im going to set up a zoo
(Nudger) nerds can come and watch anime for free and japanese people can interact with them from a safe distanc
#3589
e l i t e m r p: you think you're so smart cause you go to "school"
#214880
<~SHAGGSTaRR> "Whats the best thing about fucking a transvestite?
<~SHAGGSTaRR> Reaching around and thinking it's gone all the way through."
Comment: timboss #dirt
#44470
* sexylady69 has joined #phishtank
* sexylady69 is now known as craig`
<craig`> ahem.
#113480
<emma> I have a job where I interact with humans a lot. It's one of the things about IRC I like. It's a great escape from the fake daily rituals.
<emma> It's like curling up with a cozy book that talks back to you.
<HiLander> a book with terrible spelling and grammar
#18387
<Phil> that chick was cute
<Phil> but then she turned into a guy
<Phil> and that was fairly disturbing
#13726
<Sumez> I must admit having two functional penises must have it advantages
<Darth-Phenom> You could fuck a woman and piss at the same time?
<Yolkhead> Would you really want to pee while having sex?
<Sumez> You miss to see the opportunities
#86255
*** Saul has joined #general
<Saul> Man, today was awesome.
<Saul> We all got sent home like 5 hours early because the whole system shorted out and went down.
<kilik> explain.
<Saul> Well, in our office, the doors are always left open because the air con doesnt work.
<Saul> And as a result flies come in from outside.
<Saul> Last year we got some of those electric fly killers installed, you know the ones that glow blue and zap the flies that fly into them?
<Saul> Well today I'm at the watercooler taking a 5-min break.
<Saul> And I swear to God, the biggest bluebottle on the face of the Earth buzzes in.
<Saul> It's like 3 inches long.
<Saul> Goes straight for the zapper and flies into it.
<Saul> The explosion knocked out the power to the entire floor.
#15417
<andyd> No, I'm not being difficult
<andyd> but it is ACTUALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO BUY LICENSES FOR SOFTWARE WHEN THE LICENSES HAVE BEEN WITHDRAWN FROM SALE,
<gardron> lol
<gardron> client?
<andyd> I can't tell. For a moment I thought that it was a brick wall.
#201343
[+CJ] i didnt know the pentagon was in the shape of a pentagon till i saw it on transformers movie
Comment: call him an idiot at irc.swiftirc.net #swiftkit
#295012
<hitmonchee> someone was talking about mice the other day and they mentioned that they hibernate
<hitmonchee> and I thought "how the fuck can an animal hibernate"
<hitmonchee> then I realised that they didn't mean saving the RAM to disk and shutting down
#303903
<+Gno> i've had arrogant steak and dumb rice for food today.
<@ps> wtf?
<@ps> why do you pass such anthropomorphic judgements on your food
<+Gno> the steak was arrogant because it managed to push my eggs off the pan when cooking.
<+Gno> bullies are arrogant.
<@ps> so
<+Gno> the rice was dumb because it could not figure out how to stay on the utensil i was eating.
#396
uiu CTCP VERSION reply from Dr_DOS: DREAMCAST-IRC-CLIENT-2