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#32922
<@Plas> I get head easily
<@Plas> it annoys me
<@Plas> ..*headaches
#52788
<zien> ah i love water. it's like nature's fruit juice.
<cgom> ....FRUIT JUICE is nature's fruit juice. moron.
#40223
<JordanF> "Mr. Gates acknowledged today that the company's error reporting service indicated that 5 percent of all Windows-based computers now crash more than twice each day."
<cnb> the rest don't report
<nforbes> The other computers are all powered off
Comment: #dotgeek @ irc.freenode.net
#126624
<anti-net> I'm going to bed when the Sun gets up, lazy bloody thing
<anti-net> rarely does night shifts, only in the North Pole
<max> hey, in the north pole it stays up for 6 months straight! you call that lazy? i call that caffeine
<max> then it goes down for 6 months, now thats a caffeine crash
#11577
<Dark_Lord411> hi
<Dark_Lord411> asl
<ShockSMX> no, dsl... you?
#8583
<sugar> if superman and batman got into a fight, who would win?
<muffins> well, superman wears his undies on the outside...batman wears his on his head
<muffins> tough call
#310266
<Garf> anyone here know something about chickens?
<Garf> can they, like, get impregnated and lay new eggs while they're breeding existing ones?
<Garf> it is vitally important I know because I'm having a discussion about the evolutionary advantages of the platypus
Comment: #foobar2000
#9335
<go_die> brena how do you feel about jewish people
<Brena> what kind of question is that?
<go_die> im just making conversation
<go_die> why are you getting all defensive, hitler
#16592
<RtWh0> garlic ok you and me right here right now
* GaRlic_iv puts up his dukes
* GaRlic_iv ... wait.. i got fuckin no dukes
* RtWh0 pulls out ding dong and swings it around like a whip and cuts Garlics head off
<RtWh0> then some guy yells FATALITY
<RtWh0> in a mean vioce
<GaRlic_iv> RtWh0 pulls out ding dong
<GaRlic_iv> i hope thats not your dogs name dude
#34689
<tharaka> my computer said "shutting down in 60 seconds"
<tharaka> and i set the clock back to the 1st of april
<tharaka> and now it says "shutting down in 4 days"
<tharaka> hahaha.. stupid microsoft
<tharaka> oh fuck!
* tharaka (tharaka@c210-49-185-160.werrb1.vic.optusnet.com.au) Quit (Connection Reset By Peer)
#34227
<NatashaD> Up until this last generation my family refused to breed outside of the german heretage. Then my dad told his mom to get bent and married an Irish woman.
<NatashaD> The Germans won't speak to us, and the Irish won't speak to the Germans, so everyone pretty much leaves us alone.
<NatashaD> I'm not sure what the problem is but because they're all stupid I don't mind not having to talk to them.
<Chris23m{ab}> lol VERY nice
<NatashaD> Except that none of them sent me graduation presents, those ungrateful bastards.
#4799
<BadM0f0> Hello, this is a Polish virus. Since we do not have the technology to create a real virus, please delete all files on your home directory.
#62761
Xop: Hey, I'm smooth when I want to be.
Xop: Fuck, I just cut myself.
#52268
<Sc0rian> i keep putting my fucking boxers on back to front
<Sc0rian> wtf is wrong with me
<RotoSequence> I think you want to let the cock in from the backside
#116735
<TashaCosta> So has anyone seen that anti-drug commercial where the dog tells his teenage owner, a girl "I don't like it when you smoke weed...it changes you...."
<TashaCosta> ?
<tawniteamo> lol I think so
<TashaCosta> Okay, well, does anyone other than me think that's a really ineffective commercial?
<TashaCosta> Because every drug user I know would look at their talking dog and go "Whoa, I bought some really good stuff!"
#19137
[E-vangelist] I was walking through the mall today and everywhere there are
posters advertising Britney Spears brand ROLLER SKATES everywhere
[E-vangelist] I wonder which pharmecutical company is anxiously awaiting the announcement that her cherry's been popped so they can start selling Britney Brand Birth Control pills
#307591
<Sloofus> I like to sit on campus and repeatedly boot up irssi when people walk by so it looks like im doing some wicked hax n shit
#302544
< shortcircuit> So there's an anime channel I hang out in, with a bot named toobparts. Toobparts is little more than a multi-stage chatbot that will try various means of saying something pseudorelevant to ambient discussion. (Markov is its last-ditch effort.)
< shortcircuit> Somehow, one of the newbies is convinced toobparts is not a bot, and knows where to download anime. Hilarity ensues.
< shortcircuit> I don't know if toober is passing the turing test, or if the newbie is failing it.
#27889
<ParadoX> lol my friend just said he stole a bong from this guys house, but from how he described it, it's a penis pump
<ParadoX> he said he put his mouth to it, and it smelled funny
<ParadoX> HAHAHA
<Phucker> Owned.
#5027
<iban> uhoh
<iban> its 5am
<iban> about time for my morning wood
#31049
<@IceWizard> fufFUCK
<@IceWizard> i keant to puyt shredded mozarella chees euin my lasatgna
<@IceWizard> but i put ufckign shredded COCONUT
#16291
<Zimbu> i was just using common sense, sorry
<Gimik\HMWRK> Zimbu: try to use something you have next time ;)
#11348
<@Ryu> I remember when I was watching a porn on a tape I received from my friend, and I start wacking off to the lesbians on the TV... Then all of a sudden right when I was about to cum, the tape stopped and it was TeleTubbies on the TV instead. I cummed, and I cried.... i'm not joking.
#39624
<case_sens> Ive about decided that college for geeks is just about like a blind man in a movie
<case_sens> he hears all the good stuff is going on, but never gets to see any action
#11712
<Podex> AHOY! I SEE THAT THE FAG FLEET IS IN PORT. MY INSULTS AND DISSING SHALL DECIMATE YOU LIKE A VERBAL PEARL HARBOR!
*** Podex was kicked by Chipko (autokick for CAPS LOCK)