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#140513
<+INOSHU> Hey, did you know they discovered the exact reason you can't suck your own cock?
<~TheDarkestDay> something about flexibility, no doubt
<+INOSHU> Nah, it's cause you don't have one.
#42738
<@icelus> So, is there some kind of litmus test to see if a girl is a lesbian, or just not interested?
#306606
<@Silly> i'm sat wanking with pron on my 50"tv right, doors closed and everything
<@Silly> right as im finishing up my housemate barges in, no fucking knocking or anything
<@Silly> i dont have time to hide my boner AND close the porn
<+Altruit> so which one did you hide?
<@Silly> so i throw my remote at him, altf4 and slam the keyboard on my dick
<@Silly> end result is that im very sore and ive got spunk all over my keybaord
<@Silly> and he still caught me
#17945
<Iggz> screw it
<Iggz> i'm gonna put this cottage cheese on my sandwhich
<Iggz> and no ones gonna stop me
#2326
<rogue> I'm a flaming homosexual!
<rogue> I was out there being gay, and one of those radical right-wingers set me on fire!
#305561
<xved> proteins are the most important thing that lets complex cellular things work
<xved> and there are so many and they all can do different interesting things...
<@Rorschach> Can they dance?
<xved> certainly
<xved> some of them can zip DNA too
<xved> where would DNA be without proteins? its fly would be undone!
<@Rorschach> Yes, one needs to keep one's genes zipped
#12045
<Lordb> me want to meet some women tonight
<godlike> me thinks women might like man more if man didn't talk like ape.
#303729
<+BadFish> Mmmm, emma watson
<+Watson> I find it disturbing that I was highlighted by your sexual fantasies
#31227
<RiTe> Saddam has been captured, his sons are dead, and his regime has fallen, but he has good news......he just saved a bunch of money on his car insurance by switching to Geico
#900
<D1> why does cs give me that purple screen once I get out of one game and start a new one?
<D1> WHY WHY WHY
* |Chris away ..(autoaway).. (On/l)(Off/p)
<D1> don't hide behind your petty autoaways
#54801
<Sarah> lol, i was at a speech and debate tournament in 9th grade at a public high school in albuquerque. the counselor's office was right next to the culinary arts office. on the counselor's office window, there was a poster that said "Suicide: A permanent solution to a temporary problem" and on the culinary arts window there was a poster that read: "Use the right knife"
#55433
<Paradiddler> I love when young children spin the rims on parked vehicles
<Keru> <Paradiddler> I love young children
<peer> you just love young children
<Paradiddler> what are you implying
<Evilhomer> I think they're implying you touch children in inappropriate places, in exchange for candy.
<Paradiddler> candy is delicious. why would i give it away to grubby children
<Evilhomer> good point
#49902
<cg> anyone here able to explain a banking question to me in small words?
<devnull> bank? simple?
<GeminiDomino> cg: "All your money are belong to us"
#54839
<karaipantsu> augh
<karaipantsu> I've been up since 3 in the morning today, and needed some something to keep me awake, ya?
<karaipantsu> So I go to the coffee room, and I'm like, "Oh hey, a big bowl of sugar", and dumped a bunch in my mouth.
<karaipantsu> Non-dairy creamer. D:
#20553
<SACS|Maul555> download 5t5ha55t
<SaintDuriel> jeeze whats with your 5 man... if you hit a key close to it does it do a five?
<SACS|Maul555> ive5 been leaving m5y lap5top on 24/7... 5think 5t5ha5ts bad 5fo5r a lap5top?
<Gorin> yes, now fix the your five button
<SACS|Maul555> i 5cant5 i glu5d i5t, bu5t 5th5e glue 5cam5e o5f5f5
<SACS|Maul555> 5yo5u5 don5t unde5rs5tan5d 5the 5 bu5t5ton is missin5g... ho5w i5t 5came ou5t is wha5ts 5causin5g 5the 5p5roblem
<Gorin> uh huh
<SACS|Maul555> 5the sp5r5ing und5e5rne5a5th is b5roken... so 5th5e li5t5tl5e me55chanism k5ee5ps 5tou5chin5g 5the pad
<Gorin> i think you're lying.
<SACS|Maul555> 5can i 5type 5this 5fas5t5 an5d pu5t in5e55r5ro5rs on5 pu5rpos5e?
<SACS|Maul555> pff5t
#60302
<Babushka> i have to piss
<nash> then go piss :P
<Babushka> i can't
<nash> why not
<Babushka> because...there's a baby spider that is using my right pant's leg as a mooring for his web...i don't want to ruin his work
<nash> ahhaha
<Babushka> i haven't left this seat for nearly three hours. i better have a damn good excuse for my husband when he gets home and asks why the fuck i pissed myself
#39849
<@psych0sys> i hate those questionable farts where your not sure if your about to experience relief or a massive stream of molten shit
#13398
(drifter) I broke my rioport player
(jafo) how?
(drifter) but I'm just gonna take it back to the store and get it replaced
(jafo) trying to upload mpegs to it?
(drifter) plugged in the power source to the earphone jack.
(drifter) cos the power source looks like it goes there.
#6572
(motardo): gay men are more likely to have homosexual sex than straight men
#41485
<@avida> who wants to cyber
<@avida> whoops
<@avida> wrong window
<+Jazzy> ummm.. you're only in one channel
<@avida> exactly
#4450
<Alien> I believe our girls' softball team had something about them never being loose or something on their shirts ... they misspelled lose with HILARIOUS RESULTS.
#5934
<FutabaAoi> attractive girls like computers, i carry my case around town because it attracts chicks
<R0SC0E> no, attractive girls think guys that think girls are attracted to guys with computers are cute in a hurt puppy kind of way
<FutabaAoi> dont most people put down hurt puppies?
<FutabaAoi> does that mean attractive girls shoot computer nerds?
<R0SC0E> god i don't mean puppies with like missing limbs or exposed viscerals
#38749
<@moses1> i used the word fucktard in front of one of my friends and hes like "OMG FUCKTARD, IM GONNA USE THAT ALL THE TIME NOW"
<@moses1> i just went
<@moses1> ..
<@julian`> you went up two directories?
#42935
<aeon> you know its going to be a bad day when a lesbian calls you at 2 in the afternoon, thinking she's pregnant
Comment: #adium on Freenode.
#34055
<J3anyus> just cause i watch anime and listen to britney spears doesn't mean i want a big wang in my ass