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#59761
<anotherpadawan> you know, the Nintendo DS ad campaign "Touching is good" is going to give whole new meaning to "blaming video games"...
#2046
<train> i'm on prison net
<train> that still works
<Hooblah> wtf
<Hooblah> prison?
<Hooblah> as in locked up n shit?
<Zebracake> heh!
<Zebracake> no, irc.prison.net
#29102
<Amante> ToiletDuk: I'd respond to that but I've learned through hard experience that you're a vacuum devoid of logic and it's pointless to try and argue something even as simple as common sense with you. So just die instead. Thanks.
#32479
<janedidit> when i was 17 i was babysitting all day for my aunt who had a two year old kid who was just a completely fucking spoiled brat
<janedidit> i was trying to get him to go to bed, after a 30 minute struggle with him, and i was sitting on the rocking chair watching the simpsons
<janedidit> when the fucking asswipe BIT MY ANKLE
<PickeL> LOL
<janedidit> and i screamed "YOU LITTLE BRAT I'M GOING TO KICK YOU LIKE A FOOTBALL" then my aunt walked through the door and was screaming at me saying "WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY SON?!"
<janedidit> i replied, "your little turd just bit my god damn ankle!" and she shoved me out the door and was like "i'll call you when you grow up!!"
<janedidit> then a week later i called her and said, "okay i haven't grown up yet but i'd still like my pay."
<janedidit> i've got a $45 check in my pocket and a little scrap of paper that says "i've never gotten along with my sister, but now i've got a reason not to talk to her anymore, thanks."
Comment: janedidit was babysitting for her aunt
#22201
<deceptika> god created shit....honda made it move
#296965
<MiracleBlue> Oh ffs
<MiracleBlue> Something smells like piss
<MiracleBlue> As in, dog piss.
<Looie> got a dog?
<MiracleBlue> I've got 2.
<Looie> BINGO
#30433
<@x1td> mental note: don't download ppls ~\porn folders before checking out what they CONTAIN!
#2391
<maff> you're such a sarcastabitch brett
<timmo`> if by sarcastic you mean sexy, then yes.
#305263
<Metafoxi> basically little things like "smoke bong in this town" "give beggar 1 bullet"
<Metafoxi> that last one had me puzzled
<Metafoxi> until i figured out you had to literally give him a bullet, not shoot him with it
#27235
<Burberry> inflammable = unable to be burned
<imagine> No, Burberry. Inflammable = Able to be burned.
<Burberry> i work with chemicals
<Burberry> your dead wrong
<knightmare> idiot
<Burberry> i only make a living putting shit in chemical bottles
#306550
<+snacky> being white is awesome. you can easily get adequate vitamin d intake even if you live really far north
<+snacky> and if you need camouflage, you can blend in with snow
<DirtySouth> lol
<DirtySouth> cant say i ever seen someone try that
<+snacky> exactly.
#54583
<Biablo> wrestling is 6 inches away from gay sex
<Gafgarion> 6 inches away? more like a thin speedo away from gay sex
#295612
<%bassist> 2 days ago i answered a telemarketer pretending i was a telemarketer selling them stuff
#30594
<J3anyus> i just received a sign from god that i'm going to get laid at the concert i go to tonight
<J3anyus> i was coming home and decided to check my mail, even though i wasn't expecting anything
<J3anyus> opened it up, and there was a little envelope
<J3anyus> opened that up, inside was a "FREE SAMPLE FROM TROJAN CONDOMS!"
#303057
<feem> what are all these letters and numbers on my screen
<MFZ> feem: That is called "text". Some have the ability to "read".
#32507
<peterS> Roses are #FF0000, violets are #0000FF, all of my base are belong to you.
#4786
<malkav> 96 kbps is cd quality
<sic> you must have cd's from mexico or something :[[
#4233
<JoeyB> what would be better of a car to modify, a honda accord, or a toyota
corrola
<Focus2001> oh man'
<pagan> which is better, dog poop or cat poop?
<pagan> ;p
<coug_> LOL
#1600
<Prae> <mmp> Prae! Today its my birthday!
<Prae> <Prae> wanna present?
<Prae> <mmp> yes
<Prae> I’m ping flooding him
#3286
*** Quits: MediArc (i am the lover in your bed)
<roded> i'm going to bed
#306563
* TFBundy quit (No route to host)
* TFBundy joined
<TFBundy> cat just faceplanted into my router
#213280
Me: we finally got Rock Band
Paul: then why are you talking to me?
Me: my pinky is sore
Paul: heh heh...out of context FTW
Me: and my wife hurt her throat on Bon Jovi
#21446
<Number1> what do you do when you have a file that refuses to delete?
<Deech> first, you demand, then you threaten, finally you launch an offensive.
<Deech> Nuke it from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
<Number1> lol
<Number1> I put a gun to its icon, but it still wouldn't budge.
<Deech> some of those files grew up on the wrong sector on the wrong side of the tracks.. they're hard core, yo.
<Number1> "On the next Jerry Springer: Files gone bad."
<Deech> See it now! Hot file on file action!
#917
e l i t e m r p: afk, working on my invention
n e r d b 5: invention.....uhm, whats it do?
e l i t e m r p: converts piss into drinking water
e l i t e m r p: so far, still tastes yucky
#51013
Messiah: I've only heard one good dead baby joke
Messiah: And that's 'cause I made it good when someone else tried to tell it to me
Messiah: They said, "Hey, hey hey, how long's a baby last in the microwave?"
Sokar: idk. wanna find out?
Messiah: My response was, "Two minutes, forty-three seconds"
Sokar: haha
Sokar: nice
Messiah: They weren't sure how to respond to that
Messiah: So I invited them over for dinner