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#4585
<[ric]> personally I prefer a nice big vibro up the ass while typing two handed
<gaymale> your coworkers get suspicious if you type good one hand in front of them
<[ric]> yeh.. luckily I have the door wired up to the vibro, that way the motor cuts out as they enter the room
#554
<Amanda`> Sure, I'll put it on my Wall of Eliteness in my dorm
<Amanda`> Beside Duke Nukem
<Guilty> You and duke nukem
<Amanda`> We're pals.
<Guilty> Its like Amanda was Duke's fiance before a war and Duke went off and she sits in a rocking chair until 80 waiting for him to come home
<Guilty> Hes dead, move on
#1670
<kisama> just leave clues as to your modem
<kisama> motive*
#27841
<Stevns> Mental note: when searching kazaa for southpark episode "cartman gets an anal probe", be sure to include the keyword 'southpark'!!!
#28887
<fred> i say, you shoot three people, because they won't make you apple pie, and all of a sudden you are a "murderer". what is the world coming to?
<fred> and then when the police have the audacity to come to "talk" they don't bring any pie with them. rude.
<fred> i hope you all realise my one phone call was wasted on this dial up connection.
#2771
<Elfin> Santa Claus broke in through my window last night.
<Kashan> did he leave you a new window
#16408
<Hexboy>I have a good idea.
*Hexboy Stares at the wall
#2514
<steve|zzz> i had this dream
<steve|zzz> i was beating off
<steve|zzz> and my penis was circumsised
<steve|zzz> and it was so big i could use 2 hands
<steve|zzz> best dream i ever had
#4378
<MrSauce> LIZ HURLEY KNOCKED UP?
<MrSauce> NOOOOOOO
<MrSauce> fuck
<MrSauce> she was so hot
<EvilRobot> Hey, in 18 years and 9 months, you'll be able to hump her daughter.
<MrSauce> hrm
<MrSauce> I'd be 35
<MrSauce> very possible
<EvilRobot> See, always look for the silver lining!
<MrSauce> oh well. I guess it's time for a farewell fap
#57608
<sutna> You wouldn't think that not knowing the difference between a cupboard and a drawer could break apart a family.
<Seeker> It can?
<sutna> When I was like 6 my mom bought my grandmom a present on my behalf for her birthday. She told me it was in the cupboard and I should go fetch it for granny.
<Seeker> I can see where this is going..
<sutna> So granny is sitting on the couch waiting for her present and I looked in the drawer instead of the cupboard , I came running out the room holding a huge black ribbed dildo.
<Seeker> Well I feel sorry for you but you won't be offended if I piss myself laughing?
<sutna> spose not
<Seeker> WA HA AH AAHA AHA AHA AHA AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
#289
<rouge> you vegetarian?
<AlmtyBob> yah
<rouge> i'm sorry. :/
#42441
EvilAngel remembers, a long time ago, when his bf at the time answered the door knowing it was jehovah's witnesses. naked. and... wet. :)
<EvilAngel> I remember hearing *door creak* "yyaah?" "Oh MY! I'm... soo sorry!" "No, no dude, it's all right, we just came, come on it!" "UhhNO! We'll.... come back later!"
<EvilAngel> "..... You SURE? We have enough lube for everyone!!"
#31822
<@SLing> anyway I love grocery shopping because I get to make my family look like fools
<@SLing> the other day we were at the grocery store
<@SLing> and the first place was all the melons (like canteloupe, grapefruit, etc)
<evolsoulx> mmhmm
<@SLing> anyway I remembered hearing from some TV chef that before buying melons you're supposed to knock on them
<@SLing> so
<@SLing> I stood there
<@SLing> for five minutes
<@SLing> knocking on melons
<@SLing> people started looking at me strange
<evolsoulx> lol
<@SLing> I was like "It's ok, the TV chef told me to"
<Erik> lol
<@SLing> I'd knock on one and be like "This one sounds fresh"
<@SLing> long story short I don't have to go grocery shopping anymore
#40757
<FlatEric> I'm bored
<FlatEric> where's my alcohol?
<nougatmachine> you could help me clean up dishes
<nougatmachine> that would give you something to do
<nougatmachine> I have a feeling that in the choice between booze and dishes, booze will win
* FlatEric looks to see how many dishes are in the sink
<FlatEric> yes
Comment: #macobserver, irc.hashmark.net
#249451
Tim333: You sound like a real winner
rockstar111: is that a good thing
Tim333: Have you ever heard of "sarcasm" or "irony", rockstar?
rockstar111: what
Tim333: Wow. It must be nice to be invulnerable to insult by means of incomprehension.
rockstar111: what the hell r u talking about
#41354
<Steppenwolf> DNA = National Dyslexic Association
<Toughie> Steppenwolf, thats NDA
<Toughie> o.....rite....
#33330
<@oblique> fun fact: spanish barbarians used their own urine to clean their teeth
<cardcheat> fun fact: so does oblique
#77682
<mr_flea> i read the headline of that article as "scientists develop neural breast implants"
<mr_flea> then i started wondering if they could be enlarged at the user's will
<mr_flea> which led me to thinking about those cars with hydraulic suspension
<mr_flea> "pimp my rack"
#16990
TallyHoTheZebra: i love fire
TallyHoTheZebra: if i could have sex with it, i would
#300619
<sandm> if there are any tools to analyze memory leaks etc?
<_habnabit> valgrind.
<delimax> valgrind
<Chris> valgrind!!
<sandm> thanx all for answers....
<Chris> you're welcome, it helps to get different answers from different points of view.
#8896
<StoneTear> damn i'm hot
<StoneTear> i smell like barbequed eliteness
#292618
* CHOzen1 has joined #wow
<CHOzen1> i’m systematically stuffing grapenuts cereal into the head of my erect penis. i’m going to attempt to jack off, have my load mix with the grapenuts, and shoot a granola bar out when i cum
* CHOzen1 has left #wow
<+Sohcahtoa> What the FUCK!?
#111114
<Trinexx> So, we were all sitting around, trying to decide who would cook tonight.
<Trinexx> Someone got the wonderful idea of making ME cook, despite the fact that I once caught ramen noodles on fire. I, of course, told them it was a bad idea. They didn't believe me. Gave me a recipe and very precise directions. I finally agreed to do it, but only if they understood that they eat at their own risk.
<Trinexx> So yeah, we've all got food poisoning now.
#14511
(@CitizenC): I'd pay $100 US to shoot a cow with a rocket launcher.
#6959
<greg> I like bush, but i dont like Busch or Bush.