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#8488
<dr_rotcod> he's an ex marine and i was drunk so i said, "alright marine, kill me with one touch!"
<hakan> holy shit. wrong thing to say
<dr_rotcod> and all the sudden i was in some weird hold having my shoulder ripped apart
<dr_rotcod> and then i fell on the ground laughing/crying
<hakan> did it break??
<dr_rotcod> he looked at his hands and went, "oh my god! the demons of the american military have shone through and i am hopeless!! HOPELESS"
#7703
<Multus> Indeed. And, fear not, a sense of humor be not required for my employ, though a sense of direction helps, or perhaps a Yahoo! Map, for finding my land can be a chore in itself.
<Jolieve> (( Multus... you have been warned about the out of genre commentary... please cease and desist now, this is your final warning. ))
<Multus> Er...
<Multus> Forgive, I did not mean Yahoo! Maps. What madness do I speak? I, um, believe they are called Huzzah! Maps in this land. Yes?
#15655
<Mystery> singapore is nice
<_eight> pussy is so cheap there.
<Mystery> there aren't any hookers in singapore
<Mystery> you have to cross the border to malaysia for htat
<_eight> mystery, you just been hanging out in the wrong singaporean cemeteries.
#296772
<Kayeffem|wrkin> so i got a good story for all of you
<Kayeffem|wrkin> yesterday the supreme bitch brought in her home laptop because i needed to set it up for remote access
<Kayeffem|wrkin> while it was here she decided to bitch about how the screen isnt used up all the way and there are spaces on the sides
<Kayeffem|wrkin> now this is a 17" widescreen laptop
<Kayeffem|wrkin> and it's being used at the max widescreen resolution
<Kayeffem|wrkin> as i play around with it i notice that there's nothing wrong and the screen is just fine
<Kayeffem|wrkin> so she tells me to goto the internet and goto a webpage
<Kayeffem|wrkin> where i find out her real problem
<Kayeffem|wrkin> the websites that she likes to visit dont expand to fit multiple resolutions
<Kayeffem|wrkin> thus causing empty space to the left and right of the main webpage
<Kayeffem|wrkin> now apparently this is a big enough problem for her that she's going to purchase a second laptop that's smaller
<Kayeffem|wrkin> so that the websites will take up the full screen with no gaps
<JackWat|Lap> HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA
<JackWat|Lap> Kayeffem|wrkin: thats fuckin crazy
<Adam^2> crazy bitch is crazy
<Kayeffem|wrkin> yea, i almost asked her if she was fucking with me
#28471
<darkjedi> xandy: well - to repent - go spank the monkey for a while...that should get those impure thoughts from out of your head
<XanderDaWatcher> i dont have a monkey to spank :/
<XanderDaWatcher> oh
#38103
(Yed) the navy/army etc is scary
(Yed) if you tell them youre not interested they like
(Yed) "so when do you want to make an appointment?"
(Chexee) lmfao
(Yed) its either that
(Yed) or this big ass guy in a marine uniform
(Yed) asking you why you wont join
(Yed) over and over again
(Yed) its like interrogation
(Yed) not to mention he has a sword
(Yed) :(
#45978
Salixa: I used to have to skin dead mice and chop them up to feed to owls
Salixa: brb looney tunes time
Salixa: :-)
Olego: You have a vile sense of humour.
#14331
[Lyme] My granpa is seriously nuts. When my parents went to visit him for his 60th anniversary thingie, he wore 1 dangly woman's earing and a gilligan hat.
#125764
<rob89> windows is being a bitch >_<
<Trinexx> Install Linux.
<rob89> no. i use windows for all my work
<Trinexx> Linux would be better for that.
<rob89> besides, i like being able to play a game or two
<Trinexx> Linux has games.
<rob89> im not getting linux. windows has great support, ill have this fixed in no time
<Trinexx> Linux has better support.
<rob89> if you say "linux" one more time, im gonna send you a virus
<Trinexx> Good fucking luck. I'm on Linux.
#50686
<lude> do you type things just to see your nick scroll up the screen?
#11439
<adr> if kashmir gets nuked we won't have any soft wool sweaters any more
<TS> thats cashmere you tool
#16594
Ps3000: what are you doing tomorrow at 3:45?
SocialistNinja: waking up
#25461
<Kevyn> Teehee, Rey Sanchez has dirt on his uniform. He is a dirty Sanchez.
#29878
<xcham> as part of my CS experience, I'm going to debug java to try and meet geek chicks. :P
<xcham> then I'll e-mail Sun Microsystems and tell them "JAVA GOT ME LAID"
<jimmiejaz> java and chicks only go together at starbucks.
#43027
<Aimee[Dead]> I don't think it's a good thing that my shoulder hurts for no reason
<Mayseth> Right or left?
<Aimee[Dead]> ummm right i think
<Mayseth> You think?
<Aimee[Dead]> i don't know left and right :(
<Mayseth> The nicklist is on the right!
<Mayseth> Start button on the left
<Aimee[Dead]> ok it's my right one then
#295377
<@dmd> if you watch JAWS backwards, it's a movie about a shark that keeps throwing up people until they have to open a beach.
#41221
<mog> I know this guy whose girlfriend has cheated on him at least 8 times that I know of... somehow they're still together, even though he knows
<krsONE> wow
<krsONE> thats a lack of self worth
<JinxedLynx> the sex must be good
<mog> um... no JinxedLynx
<trousersnake> 13 is as 13 does
<mog> as far as I know, they don't even have sex anymore... not that I'd want to, this girl is a fucking irresponsible slut
<mog> she's the one who has had "4 or 5 abortions"
<JinxedLynx> maybe she wants to set a record
<mog> maybe
<krsONE> she has the abortion punch card
<mog> THE SEVENTH ONE IS FREE!
#5740
<evenpar123> I think I'm losing it...
<Slant> evenpar123: Losing what?
<evenpar123> my ability to tell the difference between games and reality
<evenpar123> Just today, I was driving down a street, and saw a building that had sunlight reflecting off it...
<evenpar123> And I thought "Damn....these are some nice graphics..."
<evenpar123> It was horrible...
<evenpar123> ugh
#141301
< grey> So I had an idea today
< grey> of something that could amuse me, if only because I know out there somewhere, someone else would laugh
< grey> I want to get an ebay username of something creepy, like "WatchingU.P", then buy stuff like a telescope or pinhole camera, then leave feedback like "A+++, Fast Shipping, You should get that mole checked!"
#111552
mp: why would anybody buy a typewriter
ikasatu: 1. for Resident Evil jokes.
ikasatu: 2. That way, I own one device that CANNOT run Linux.
raven: it can run linux, you just have to type a HELL of a ton, you can be the interpreter.
ikasatu: It runs Linux, but the refresh rate is ass.
ikasatu: The only machine where user error is computer error.
ikasatu: On the plus side, it comes pre-loaded with print drivers.
ikasatu: "/clear" *roll roll roll*
#15905
(juslooken) i looked at the bouncer and said 'u dont need to see my id'
(juslooken) and he said 'i dont need to see your id
(juslooken) it was very jedi
#3719
<hit_doctor> Man, I had the longest shit today at work. my legs went numb
#1355
<McGrue> The truth, like a penis, sometimes slips out at inopportune times.
#56616
<GenericLoser> I have a great commercial idea for Visa.
<GenericLoser> Have a really attractive girl stuff Visa cards down her shirt and pants.
<GenericLoser> "Visa: It's everywhere you want to be."
#9335
<go_die> brena how do you feel about jewish people
<Brena> what kind of question is that?
<go_die> im just making conversation
<go_die> why are you getting all defensive, hitler