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#28514
<railor> then there comes this really hot nurse chick and i like get an instant hard-on
<railor> she asks me if i'm ok and leaves. i tell to myself "what a fine piece of ass!" so i grab my dick and start whacking off like mad
<HaiFlick> so you've started jerking off to that nurse after you had been drunk like hell and woke up in the hospital?
<railor> yeah, but then suddenly a woman next to me started crying really loud. i couldn't see her due to the curtain though
<HaiFlick> lol
<railor> turns out it was my wife
#63
<Moot> masturbatin time
<Moot> I'm livin dangerously
<Moot> I'm not gonan check to see if my mom is asleep yet
#8647
<helminthes> I WAS RUDELY AWAKENED
<helminthes> the pest control people showed up
<helminthes> and obviously this guy had a sense of humor and sprayed by face with pesticide
<helminthes> oh he's so funny
<helminthes> i'm never sleeping in the den again
#4026
*** crunchybl has joined #xml
<crunchybl> anyone know xml in here
#48642
<Kogita> My car is doing better than ever. The gas tank used to hold $9 worth of gas, now it holds $13 worth.
#11609
<Lac> Whats so unfathomable of: Double click zip file, hit extract, click the C: Drive, hit ok.
<hmne> Slow down, double what?
#24191
<dewie`> ¡hola!
<patty> buenos noches, tiipsicito
<dewie`> sorry, i should clarify... i don't speak spanish. I just enjoy the inverted punctuation.
#4839
<Soronel> Just so everyone knows, if a life suddenly appears, I have dibs
<Soronel> I'm not likely to get one otherwise
#1955
<Chis> anyone have any files in digital format?
#20759
<Snapper> Whats the Egyption word for slave?
<Terron> jew
<goaty> jew
<snuggles[away]> goddamn jew
<Happygay> dirty jew
#70492
<vh> So I wonder if when you're really good at something and you die and go to heaven, if there is some dude who was doing it 2000 years ago, who's been doing it heaven the whole time, who's like.. 2000 years better at it then you
<vh> and like.. you try to catch up, but it's like.. he's always 2000 years better
<vh> so you get really depressed and try to kill yourself, but you're already dead
<vh> reincarnation solves a lot of these problems
Comment: #perl
#33810
<splice> Pakistani president tells CNN he believes troops have surrounded al Qaeda fighters protecting "high-value target." Details soon.
<splice> goatse will be captured!
#53006
ell: buzz tracker.
Ik: I almost asked what buzz tracker does.
Ik: But then I remembered, I have the internet.
Comment: The student has learned to Google...
#14668
toAzron1:Did you ever notice, when you are sitting at a red light, that when the person in front of you pulls up a couple of inches, you are compelled to move up too? Do we really think we are making progress toward our destination? "Whew, I thought we would be late, but now that I am nine inches closer, I can stop for coffee and a danish!"
#28717
<B_Goodin> Self deprecation is always amusing
<B_Goodin> :-/
<B_Goodin> and so is farting
<Mark> especially when you light them
<B_Goodin> KABOOM!
<-- eric has quit (Ping timeout)
<Mark> You blew Eric off the channel!
#303357
tanuki: [URL of photo gallery]
tanuki: thoughts?
stabnburn: why is that creepy fat lady grabbing that kids boobs
tanuki: lolwut
... time passes ...
tanuki: stabnburn: Okay, I figured out WTF you're talking about.
tanuki: "that creepy fat lady" is my mother.
tanuki: And the kid is my nephew.
stabnburn: so um. YOUR MOM
stabnburn: hahaa ahaaaahahaha hahahaahahaaaaa
jedrek: stabs has been waiting for like 4 years for this
tanuki: You fail humor forever.
#50337
<Mr_Blud> That looks like a mosquito
<ThunderMax> I hate mosquitos
<ThunderMax> they're like the Jehovah's Witnesses of nature
#30337
<DJ-Pyro> oh boy..shit is going to hit the fan now...sco is distrubuting linux with another license
<willo> DJ-Pyro: really? ummmm.
<willo> DJ-Pyro: my god they're stupid.
<willo> I knew they were, but I figured only half the head was in the sphincter
<willo> apparently the entire thing fits. who knew?
#7484
<Chrizto> this unix shit is never going to catch on at this rate.
#20147
<crazy> you just made a huge withdrawl from the first bank of fag.
#2224
<ViBeZz> thats the thing i dont wanna partition my hard drive
<|Z|> ViBeZz if you don't partition your HD, you're a fucking moron and you deserve to die
#16369
<esokitty> FUCKING A
<kitten> fuck a B it has more holes
#16676
Stinkysteven67: I love married with children. Its a great show.
Lucy17: It's ok, One thing that bugs me about that show,
In the pilot series they had Al bundy sounding like he was from Brooklyn
or something when they are supposed to be from Chicago.
Stinkysteven67: Where do you think brooklyn is dork?
Lucky17: Its in new york goofball, chicago is in illinios.
Stinkysteven67: Oh sorry, I've never been good at geometry.
Lucy17: Umm yea..
#684
<C-B0> i put a toad in the freezer... it peed then froze to the bottem...
then my mom like screamed at me for a week or 2.. it ruled
#33215
<kisama2> fucking imacs
<kisama2> fucking suck dicks
<kisama2> i'm sitting here trying to use this imac
<kisama2> because all the other computers are broken
<kisama2> or in use
<kisama2> MOTHERFUCKER
<kisama2> mouse freezes every 10 seconds
<kisama2> for about a minute
<kisama2> all i can do is type fucking IRC RAGE
<kisama2> into this channel
<kisama2> its so horrible
Comment: #GeekIssues on EFNet