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#308060
<%Chlamydia> my only mobile security feature is my lock pattern.
< me-tan> heh tablet runs windows XP so i use the fingerprint reader on it
< me-tan> best goddamn way to unlock your workstation ever
<%Chlamydia> nice.
< me-tan> not very secure though
<%Chlamydia> especially if someone finds your finger.
< me-tan> Chlamydia: its a laptop. Its covered in fingerprints already
< me-tan> well, laptop/tablet
< me-tan> all you have to do is cast the finger prints in gelatine then swipe them on the reader.
<%Chlamydia> i'd never have thought to do that, lol.
<%Chlamydia> i guess this is my excuse to wear long villain gloves everywhere.
< me-tan> or pick pineappes for a living.
< me-tan> One of the chemicals in pineapples removes the lines in your hands and fingers, so people who process pineapples end up leaving no fingerprints
<%Chlamydia> you are going to be first on my secret agent team.
< me-tan> only if i get a neat catsuit
<%Chlamydia> deal.
< me-tan> sweet.
Comment: #wtfux
#6828
<tweet> does n e one else's gf ever told them they wanna fuck you with a strapon?
<Nekorin> Good news, Tweet, you have a girlfriend.
<Nekorin> Bad news, she's thinks you're gay.
#29465
<tokenshi> Demogorgo: yar, that they do... they're impressed that i want to focus on internal martial arts (the shaolinsi) because most foreigners just want to learn flashy-kungfu stuff.. not the real stuff
<Demogorgo> tokenshi: so that means you're going to be a celibate monk or something?
<tokenshi> Demogorgo: basically yeah, my taichi instructor now is making me go celibate to increase my skill/focus during my remaining months here
<cyberdyne> Dood
<cyberdyne> Do you even jerk off?
<tokenshi> Demogorgo: but it doesn't really bother me because the girl i'm in love with moved away anyways... so it's good timing i believe
<Demogorgo> tokenshi: are you serious?
<tokenshi> cyberdyne: i'm working on that one... it's hard, but i'm not supposed to..
#78379
<+commodore_dude> BalefireX
<+commodore_dude> i dunno wtf happened
<+commodore_dude> but my mom heard some thing on the radio about how the elise is gonna be highly collectable in 10-15 years
<+commodore_dude> so now she's bugging my dad to get one
<@BalefireX_> you know, commodore_dude
<@BalefireX_> it kinda sounds like your parents are pretty cool
<+commodore_dude> har
<+commodore_dude> yeah
<+commodore_dude> they're awesome
<@BalefireX_> they must be so disappoined
<+commodore_dude> :D
Comment: #gideontech
#2325
<Amanda`> We ran out of toilet paper so I had to use coffee filters...
#8732
<LordBlink> i once made out with a picture of the sorceress
<LordBlink> does that make me lame?
#21554
Motorbreath151: I love
TheOffspring326: what?
Motorbreath151: oh sorry
Motorbreath151: forgot to finnish my sentence
Motorbreath151: I-KIRJAIN lempiä ilakoida televisio kisat
Motorbreath151: there we go
TheOffspring326: what the fuck
Motorbreath151: i finnished it
Motorbreath151: stupid
Motorbreath151: finnish is a language
#36217
<Bog> people should always look at what they fuck
<Bog> i mean type
<Bog> ..
Comment: #hothardware on irc.burghcom.com
#295981
<+Biiaru> Admittedly, calculus is like sucking dick. I don't very much want to do it, but I have to get to college somehow.
Comment: #zelda
#33450
Opius: you wanna know whats sad
Opius: i was doing my homework, and i saw you reply, so i pressed CTRL-S and looked
Opius: my homeworks on paper
Comment: MSN Convo :: www.opius.tk
#44955
gr3ym4tt3r: NEVER MASTURBATE AFTER 5 DAYS OF NOT DOING IT.
AerialFlames: Dude, yeah
gr3ym4tt3r: Especially with no towels nearby.
AerialFlames: It goes BOOM
gr3ym4tt3r: This is gonna be fucking nasty, but I hit myself in the fucking EYE.
gr3ym4tt3r: IN. MY. EYE.
AerialFlames: ..WTF
AerialFlames: WTF
AerialFlames: POINT IT AWAY
AerialFlames: DUMBASS
gr3ym4tt3r: I did... but it was like... *twi*BLAMF*tch*
#302077
<ssar> Fuck... saw the girl who lived across the street from me at this dinner party.
<ssar> I had always watched her through her window and shit... but man she just got even hotter.
<ssar> Of course the urge to approach her was strong, but I'm pretty sure a line that one should never use as an icebreaker is "Hey what's up? I used to stalk you."
#16138
<Shea-> it makes me giggle like a giddy asian schoolgirl on a rainbow brite pony
<Shea-> mmmm pony.
#37962
<somniloquy> Speak English or I'll have to come kill you.
<Marax> :P
<Marax> if you are in norway lets go out for a drink
<somniloquy> K. Then I kill you.
<Marax> no
<Marax> because i had poisoned the drink
<somniloquy> I poisoned yours too.
<muscle> :o
<muscle> romeo and juliet
<[Bond]> that's sweet
<Marax> i only pretended to drink it
<somniloquy> I'm wired with explosives that detonate if my heartbeat drops too much.
<Marax> i bribed the arab you bought the explosives from, its a dud
<somniloquy> I bribed the Arab you bribed to strap some to you whilst you were asleep, too, and those aren't duds...
<Kurt> now there's a sight to wake up to
<Marax> i am beaten :/
<somniloquy> ^_^
Comment: #angband @ worldirc
#50219
<Syric> Like...I'll give them a quiz and tell them to "Read every question before answering, you have 5 minutes" and it'll have 40 questions. The last question would be "Do not do any of the questions above. Turn in paper blank"
<Sammael> but that wouldn't be a question...
<Syric> k, now I feel stupid.
<Rooks> Acceptance is the first step to a cure, or so they say.
#8189
<Joe_> how do you downgrade to IE5.5?
<Soulflame> fdisk
#33819
<Zardoz> Damn those blow-up sheep.
<Zardoz> I got fucking TWO of them for my 21st.
<Zardoz> wtf.
<Zardoz> from DIFFERENT PEOPLE !
#20790
<Epi> anyone gots photoshop7 cd key, my net browsering skills are only lvl 36, i need lvl 40 so search for one
* JesterX gives Epi Scroll of googling +5
<JesterX> use it wisely
#33034
(@[iNw]Tessai) <- virgin :(
(@[iNw]ForK) sif
(@[iNw]ForK) how old are you?
(@[iNw]Tessai) 19
(@[iNw]ForK) wow, I didnt think they made 19 year old virgins anymore
#55926
<eTombotron> i mean, i hope you realize what's going on here.
<SquidDNA> what's going on here, eTom?
<eTombotron> i'm not sure.
#14103
<xxx> I think I'm having some problems with my sexlife...
<phunqe> oh? :/
<xxx> Yeah, yesterday my girlfriend and I wanted to have sex, but I had a... hmm.. well you know.. problem..
<phunqe> Ah, no ping reply?
#8835
mike_afe > [John's dad is sick of waiting. His son has been in 'that bloody bathroom' for nearly two hours. Finally, his temper snaps; he kicks down the door to discover his son knealing infront of the 68000 data manual.]
mike_afe > "Ah! Shut the door dad!"
#8875
<GoodScrat> my gf is twice your age
<db-x> goodscrat, twice is about the time i get her in a week
<GoodScrat> to do what, change your diaper?
#3707
* taz chills to : [Shonen Knife - Do The Bartman (Simpsons)] [3:20] [3.05MB/44KHz/128Kbit]
* Jumper chills to : [Your MOM and I.DIVX.XXX.AVI] [45:60] [560.04MB/44Khz/1024KBit]
#25193
<CrazySpence> my moms like "do you have the paper towels" *i hand them over* "I know you use them for jerking off" *laughs and closes the door*