Random | Latest | Best | Full Site
#46053
<cLoAk`top> o god
<cLoAk`top> my dad just put sexual healing on the stereo
<SU|Chupalupa> omg
<drwx> ...
<drwx> wtf?
<R|xlycer|werk> is he trying to seduce you?
<cLoAk`top> I don;t know
<SU|Chupalupa> somethin you need to tell us cloak?
<cLoAk`top> I;ve locked my door and began baracading process
Comment: #bucktoof on gamesurge
#30277
<J3anyus> lk's tiny asian penis could never penetrate anything though
<J3anyus> an inch can't do much, buddy!
<LkAway1> Width > length
<J3anyus> LkAway1: if you only have an inch of length, width is worthless
<nylint> Lk has a dick like a tuna can
#27320
<Guy> Do a little dance, make a little love, with your hand tonight, with your hand tonight.
#1504
<dr\gonzo> fuck linux
<dr\gonzo> that's the OS for people that don't wear deodorant
#7301
<HA|MI-Edam> I read about this guy, and he was having sex with a girl, and his, you-know-what sorta like, spontaniously combusted
<EvilMonkey> ...
<DrWoody> Started on FIRE?
<MI-Edam> no, exploded
<MI-Edam> They say it was under so much pressure or something
<DrWoody> AHHHHHHHHH
<EvilMonkey> wt im never having sex!
<Suzie> your missing out
<EvilMonkey> missing out on having my mangina explode?
<EvilMonkey> no thanks
#9304
<jre> My underwear seems to be covered with a crusty white substance. Is it anthrax?
<Zeluth> what does it smell like?
<jre> Like semen
<Zeluth> you have anthrax
<jre> The carton of milk was filled with some sort of milky-white liquid. Is it anthrax?
<Zeluth> How good at you are pancake making?
<jre> Terrible.
<Zeluth> its anthrax
<jre> I opened my hole puncher to find a large collection of small white discs, about the size of a hole a hole-punch makes. Is it anthrax?
<Zeluth> try inserting the paper disc in your urethra
<jre> Done, but I can't get it out now.
<Zeluth> congratulations yopu just gave yourself anthrax
<jre> I just received a parcel in the mail filled with a white powder. An accompanying note informed me to "take penacilin now" and that "Allah is great". Is it anthrax?
<^Vulpix^> jre: NOPE IT ISN'T, IT'S FREE COCAINE
#51623
Skylos : dang its irritating when I get phone calls and they just hang up
Triggur: call them back with caller ID and then hang up!
Triggur: ever get a Heavy-Breathing call?
Triggur: I did once and I told him, "oh god, that is SO hot. can I jack off too?"
Triggur: turns out it was my mom winded from walking upstairs.
#6717
<WinTek> whats a good efnet server?
<Julie2> thats an oxymoron
<ToidyMan> WinTek, good and efnet don't belong in the same sentence
<F`Nar> they don't belong on the same internet
#28371
<ptw> rofl
<ptw> oh shit
<ptw> I have pissed myself
<ptw> afk
#3319
<Blaz_> zwhats the old bitches name on spin city
<Blaz_> heather locklear
<Blaz_> shes gota be 40 something
<WS666> Heather is something like 40 but I'd drag my balls across a mile of broken glass to do her
#11724
<Zardoz> cool. calculated pi to 18 decimal places.
<Trucci> know what would have been cooler?
<Trucci> ANYTHING
#22333
<Jubei-> sup nigs
<kaihn[afk]> :o
<Jubei-> i mean..
<Jubei-> Hello fine gentlemen, how are you this fine morning?
#28824
<Thom> I'm British. In history classes over here to study world war two someone holds up a picture of Churchill and we masturbate in silence for forty minutes.
#13424
<diranged> silly ghost bear
<diranged> where's no sense there's no feeling
<diranged> so pointing pistol at my head is rather useless
#27192
<Cyric--> Aaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway. I'm not about to divulge in any late night homo erotics with you bunch of lifeless retards. I bid you farewell.
<Cyric--> FUCK
<Cyric--> cat was sick on my bed
#294505
< _judas_> i'm told i look a bit like tom cruise under certain lighting conditions and from the back
< frayed> from the back?
#306043
Akensai: if there is a hell, im going to it.
Akensai: research paper due: april 11 - i wrote it 10 minutes ago
Akensai: and i wont lose any points.
Akensai: opened an image in notepad, renamed it to research-final.docx and submitted, knowing full well it would take him 2 weeks to grade
(7:22:21 AM) Akensai: so i get an email an hour ago "The doc you submitted is corrupt, can you email it to me real fast? Sorry about this."
Akensai: so i wrote it in about 45 minutes and sent it
Akensai: he read it, got an A
Akensai: most of it was bullshit and broken reference links that i purposely placed, fake URLS to highly prestigious colleges/etc, just broke links and made em look real
Akensai: not my fault is a source is MIA
Akensai: 3 pages of made up crap that i didnt research, turned in more than a week late, written in 45 minutes. 98% A
#29922
<Delusion> I JUST ASKED OUT A STRANGER.
<Delusion> SHE HAS UNTIL FRIDAY TO ACCEPT.
<Delusion> OR UNTIL SATURDAY TO LIVE.
<Delusion> DEPENDING ON THE DECISION.
#4902
<iban> in 5 years irc will be obsolite
<ryano> so will spelling
#294948
Mom: thanks to your status message, you can say good nite to the internet
*** Auto-response sent to Mom: I'm busy because my mom's being a nazi. Sieg Heil.
#295143
<kami> I keep accidently stalking this girl
#3448
<timmo> you know what makes me laugh
<timmo> web cam chicks
<timmo> who try to lick their own nipples
<timmo> but fall short
#4380
<Spork> A man looked at me like I was a pervert today. I was checking him out at the store and he had his kids at me I noticed one of his young daughters had her zipper down and you could see the print on her panties, so I pointed it out to him. He looked at me weird for a second then zipped her up.
<Spork> Maybe it's because he thought I also noticed that he was half-erect in his pants.
<Spork> Which he was.
#50342
<Shinji> Alright, let's put it this way.
<Shinji> Your body is a mansion, and your white blood cells keep it neat and tidy. AIDS comes along, and your WBCs go on vacation and AIDS is left over to watch the place.
<Shinji> They throw House Party 7
<Shinji> And invite all their disease friends for a wild and crazy time, trashing your body in the process
<Link> Then the whities come home and go "WTF!?"
<Shinji> The film goes direct to video and doesn't sell
<Shinji> THE END.
#13481
<Floidy6k> everybody in america has an anal probe up the ass
<Mack_Salmon> not true!
<Mack_Salmon> I had mine removed!