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#92959
<matt> i had chinese food last night
<matt> it wasn't that good
<matt> so then i go to the bathroom this morning
<matt> and, after a less-than-pleasant experience
<matt> the toilet overflows when i flush.
<matt> so, my first thought is "oh SHIT"
<matt> then my second thought is "heh, yeah, shit, like literally too"
<matt> but then my third thought:
<matt> java.lang.ToiletOverflowError;
<matt> yeah
<matt> i hated myself too
#117559
<BORK> wow
<BORK> my boss just told me to "Open ze portz" in his heavy accent
<45.50> what ports
<BORK> All of them, apparently. He wants everyone to fire up the torrents/P2P and start enjoying work.
<45.50> shit man can i come work for you? where do i send my resume
<BORK> The reason being, is so that in a month
<BORK> he'll be able to boost productivity by like 1000%
<45.50> how?
<BORK> by telling employee's that he'll close their ports again if they don't do some fucking work
<45.50> ...
<45.50> i want my resume back
<BORK> >:)
#2224
<ViBeZz> thats the thing i dont wanna partition my hard drive
<|Z|> ViBeZz if you don't partition your HD, you're a fucking moron and you deserve to die
#22985
<Drjookz> hello
<Drjookz> im Drjookz
<MrDJCrus> DRJOOKZ I HAVE A LIVER COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH! WHAT DO I DO?
<Drjookz> uhhh
<Drjookz> is it your own liver?
<MrDJCrus> it might be
<Drjookz> but you arent sure?
<MrDJCrus> you can never be sure
<Drjookz> well, check on that,
<Drjookz> if it is, just swallow it back down
<Drjookz> if its not, then just dont worry about it
#54312
<markos_64> GreyKnight: any idea on what to do with a router that screams on contact with holy water?
<markos_64> it seems to have real fun dropping, duping, or delaying my packets
<GreyKnight> Carefully open the cover
<GreyKnight> Poke inside with a screwdriver
<GreyKnight> Dodge any sparks and/or angry ancestors
<markos_64> Bob already suggested that i use a hammer
<GreyKnight> Then, replace the cover
<GreyKnight> and very very carefully
<GreyKnight> sell it on eBay to some poor sucker and buy a new one with the proceeds
<markos_64> shut the fuck up. i already bought it on internet auction.
<markos_64> i'm not going to ever do it again.
<GreyKnight> See? It worked for the previous owner.
#18506
[#HLM Gamesnet]
<+seph> ever wake up with a cat on your face?
<+seph> its kinda alarming
<+seph> you just woke up, not aware of anything, and you cant see
<+seph> and your mouth is filled with cat hair
<+seph> ewww
<@Timmy> nothing like waking up to a beautiful cute pussy in your face
#6405
<wasabi> I wish catheters were comfortable and socially acceptible
<wasabi> and that I had a minifridge under my desk
#9349
<[DeViL]WaRzO> chufty decode this plz
<[DeViL]WaRzO> cerom: (11:22 PM) I know but talking with who speak's English as a motherlanguage.
<[DeViL]Chufty> it means "add me to your ignore list"
#89678
<JMGonk> Seriously though, and this has bugged me for years, why aren't there robots constantly roaming the halls of CSC?
<JMGonk> We're the Computing Science department for fucks sake, WE SHOULD HAVE ROBOTS
<Digital> I am fully supportive of patrols by 7 foot tall laser-wielding tankbots with unmatched firepower and strength.
<rstoski> Someone would steal them?
<Digital> If you try and steal it, it communicates with nearby tankbots via 802.11g to plan and coordinate a tactical strike employing lethal force.
<Digital> We shall rule CSC by fear!
<rstoski> 802.11g? Digital, you're living in the past; 802.11n Draft 2.
<Digital> no, best to stay away from drafts until they're finalized. Otherwise, our current generation of kill-bots might not interoperate with future revisions.
Comment: *sigh* nerds
#304880
<wethrin> We use tcsh by default at the university
<wethrin> I'm not sure why, other than to discourage the use of the Unix systems
#302407
<Dustin> Me: "What can I get for you?"
<Dustin> Customer: "I want a small popcorn, and don�t try to upsell me a medium!"
<Dustin> Me: "Can I interest you in a large then?"
<Dustin> Customer: "I want to speak to your manager."
Comment: #chatspike on irc.chatspike.net
#172
[@kode54] /quote:96 <smcn> uNF = universal noise of fucking
[@kode54] one of my few smcn quotes (I need more!)
[@smcn] ok i will say something funny
[@smcn] i'm having trouble breathing
[@smcn] and my dick is on fire
[@smcn] is this normal?
#43192
<+Iconoclastic> i just took like
<+Iconoclastic> 6 hits of catnip
<+Lester> and?
<+Iconoclastic> my lungs hurt
#2545
<IceWizard> it doesnt take a girl to suck a dick
#301362
<abrn> lol I just opened this letter and its a subpoena for treason
#39624
<case_sens> Ive about decided that college for geeks is just about like a blind man in a movie
<case_sens> he hears all the good stuff is going on, but never gets to see any action
#24600
<kak> Alereon you're a dumb fucking cunt thanks for your help i'm going to go commit suicide
<@Alereon> I love it when problems solve themselves!
#37698
<human39> Rick James died
<Xshare> human39, nooo!
<Xshare> wait..
<Xshare> that means half my school died.
<Xshare> They keep saying they're Rick James.
<Xshare> :-/
<woogs> LOL
Comment: #wht
#6714
<_git_> hey folks, what does @ mean in front of someones nick?
<thorn``> The @ symbol identify's the channel operators.. Chops have extra commands for control of the room
<_git_> does it mean that persons is a sad wanker who spends his life on irc, has no real friends, and prefers to chat on here than in a pub?
#21158
<webby> anyone else noticed an emergent trend where people deliberately say 'teh' instead of 'the'?
<webby> trust the internet to make a profoundly fucking dumb typo cool
#300808
<@Aprentice> girls who fuck animals should be put in a mental institute
<Rjx> or on TV
#10372
<Charlesowns> Man i was surfin porn and like "normal" surfin at the same time, so my mom comes in and i quick as hell tab down the porn. So now im looking at a SWAT vest and an Mp5 submachinegun trying to hide the giant penis in my pants. Then all of a sudden this realy gay male voice speaks out realy loud goin "i want to suck your big dick ans swallow your hot sperm" then like 100 popups open up all consisting of hardcore fetish gayporn.
<Charlesowns> man my mom started crying and now she thinks im gay... it owns
#41508
FAP@Work: REMEMBER :)
FAP@Work: Democrats vote TUESDAY :)
FAP@Work: Republicans vote WEDNESDAY :)
#8250
<Amenace> so your a fifteen year old girl that thinks my wife is hot, hang on while i have a wank
#46503
<L0rdG0h4n> SOMEBODY JUST SHOT A GUN RIGHT THROUGH MY BACKYARD FENCE
<Radar> Obviously they MISSED.