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#10774
<guyen> so she gets pulled over, and as the bike cop walks up to her, she asks "are you going to at least try to sell me a ticket to the highway patrolmen's ball?"
<guyen> then the cop goes "highway patrolmen don't have balls, ma'am"
<guyen> and she busts out laughing, he finally gets it and just turns around, gets on his bike, and rides away without another word
<guyen> she just sits in her car laughing for like five minutes before she starts her car again
<guyen> shit, if i'd try to say something like that he would have gone LAPD on my ass
#29914
<LEitW> Hmm, if Arnold wins the election, will he remember it tomorrow?
<Orca> He'll probably grope somebody nearby in celebration...
<LEitW> That's a given
<SuperXdude> if he loses, will he say "I'll be back..."?
#31872
<IceWizard> in honor of MLK day, my mom fed her snake a black mouse instead of white
Comment: #emu efnet
#20502
<Riku> One time, there was an American, an Irishmen (I think), and a Polish guy who just robbed a bank and were hiding out in a barn.
<Riku> But then they heard the cops come, so the american hid behind a cow, the irish guy hid behind a pig, and the polish guy hid behind a sack of potatoes
<Riku> So when the cops came in, they shined the flashlight on the cow
<Riku> so the american guy went "moooo"
<Riku> then they shined it on the pig, and the irish guy when "oink oink"
<Riku> Then, they shined it on the sack of potatoes
<Riku> And the polish guy went, "Potato"
#81440
< ipspoon> so last night i had this weird dream
< ipspoon> that like my friends sister was mad coming on to me
< ipspoon> and like she said I could put it in the back
< ipspoon> so i went over there so to speak, and i was having issue getting it in. like I couldn't find the hole
< ipspoon> next, i did what seemed perfectly logical in the dream
< ipspoon> i reached down and pulled off her penis (?!). It was attached with a little suction cup at the balls end.
< ipspoon> anyhow the anus was on the bottom, a little bit behind the head
< ipspoon> so i pulled it apart with my fingers, put my dick in, and re-attached it to the girl
< ipspoon> then fucked her brains out.
<+\x90> ... what the FUCK
#28817
* +ramoth4 slaps politik with an unsigned long double
* +politik comes back with a _uint64 uppercut
* +ramoth4 pulls out a struct and returns fire
* +politik corrupts ramoth's heap
* +Fire_Elemental-Coding- ducks to avoid leaked memory
* +politik pops Fire_Elemental-Coding- square in the stack
* +ramoth4 stuffs politik's face in the bitbucket, and begins to operate on nil pointers
* +politik throws uncatchable exceptions around the room
* +ramoth4 dodges skillfully with his try-catch block
* +politik cuts off ramoth's private member
* +ramoth4 encapsulates the wound in a protected class
* +politik destroys all foes with up-casts to inappropriate derived classes!
* +politik is out of ideas
* +politik :: ~politik();
* +ramoth4 declares flipcode his namespace!
<+ramoth4> I win!
* +ramoth4 beat C++.
<+ramoth4> The last guy was hard.
Comment: -- #flipcode @ irc.enterthegame.com
#18421
<humpy> "I was in #paintball on the enterthegame network. Everyone around me screaming in horror at the llamas. It was shrilling, like the kind of shrills you get washing your parents underwear, the kind of shrills that no man should ever hear. This was my hell."
<Fryth> i think your washing machine is b0rked
#14220
<Pi|Mu|Rho> I'm sure that somewhere out there is the
right girl for you . Unfortunately, I think "out there" is measured in
light years.
#870
<Cducharme> My clock be off bigtime
<Cducharme> k
<Cducharme> fixed
<Ash> Same here, but I'm going to try to get a doctor to look at it when I scrape up some cash.
<Ash> Oh, clock.
<Ash> N/m.
#25638
<Aximili> WHAT THE DAMN HELL WAS THAT AHHHHHH
<Nicklon> ·Aximili· => puberty
#684
<C-B0> i put a toad in the freezer... it peed then froze to the bottem...
then my mom like screamed at me for a week or 2.. it ruled
#5775
* ab is away - gone, if anyone talks in the next 25 minutes as me it's bm being an asshole -
<ab> HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS
#38325
<Jase> hey, its cal ripkin with the osbornes! LOLOLOLOL
<El-Grande> what exactly does that acronym stand for, jase
<Maurs> that's somebody laughing out loud in a cave
#12029
<BlakMajiK> my dad said "we need to get ready for this y2k bullshit, i'm gonna fill the fridge in the basement full of beer"
#15817
<RikisuuDelta> i'm glad my parents dont play quake, they'd frag my ass and tell me it's dinner time
#1261
<JRichman> "Easy" only equals "better" for crack addicts and web developers.
#32392
* Kaelic waves
* Orca sine waves
* Alien cosinetan waves
* Alric tangents
* EdorFaus (sine+2*cosine)/3 waves
* Kaelic facepalms
#42137
<Bisclaveret> Q: How many Bush Administration officials does it take to screw in a light bulb?
<Bisclaveret> A: None. There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; its conditions are improving every day. Any reports of its lack of incandescence are delusional spin from the liberal media. That light bulb has served honorably, and anything you say undermines the lighting effort. Why do you hate America?
#294742
{GiGi}: Ffs Pony, you're so back in the closet, you can see Narnia
#303306
<ratty> It's really sad cycling past people who are drunk at 9:20 am. I mean, I can't have a beer for 8 more hours.
#12438
<Rhombus> US investigators say they have seen neither bodies nor graves while examining a civilian site in central Afghanistan, allegedly targeted by US warplanes earlier this week.
<Rhombus> That sounds like:
<Rhombus> Fox investigators say there is no proof that any henhouses have been raided by foxes.
#16607
<`Tenshi> ass munch.
<ibutsu> yes, I do on occaision
#46482
<polychromophilia> I wouldn't be caught DEAD with a necrophiliac...
#2884
<Frag_> whats a good bench mark program?
<Ghaleon> Frag_: deltree /y c:\windows
<Ghaleon> the longer it takes, the slower your computer is
<Ghaleon> (ps, just a joke)
<Frag_> uh can i undo deltree?
#103393
<^Migs^> Is there a way I can use Javascript so that when a user clicks a button, it opens and closes their CD drive, makes their computer beep several times, and gives them a BSOD?
<bkruse> ^Migs^: tell them to use IE
<bkruse> then just write code as normal.