Random | Latest | Best | Full Site
#6511
<monami> this utility has a macro recording function but no loop command
<monami> so i record a macro, and then put a stapler on the keyboard to hold the button down
<monami> and go have coffee
<monami> i note that the stapler, on the whole, is a more efficient and productive employee than i am
#665
<reptile-> i like to masturbate
<reptile-> heh
<reptile-> I remember along time ago
<reptile-> when I was like 8 er smthn
<reptile-> my friend was like, "Gay people masturbate." or something
<reptile-> and I was like, "ew.. I'm never doing that!"
<reptile-> !#@$
#445
<ck2k> i tap her car's bumper
<ck2k> and she has this estimate
<ck2k> 200 bucks
<ck2k> fuck you
<ck2k> for 200 bucks i can hire someone to kill your bitch ass
#75584
xTedHeadx: My family must be like the worst Jews in history.
xTedHeadx: We celebrated Hanukkah by going out for lobster.
#1507
<nexxai> man, I love having hookups
<MTrez> found someone who works in an abnormally large dildo factory?
#26290
<CYwolf> I always wanted to get 8 eyebrow piercings and hang a little curtain
#5275
<zymurgy> #define NULL NULL /* because I can dammit! */
#40168
<@Dr4g0n> I have 4 inches to grow and im done with puberty
Comment: Sometimes it's good to specify words like "height"
#280685
<purriah> She knows you're wanking.
<Foxhill[away]> of course she does, she still washes the sheets
<Foxhill[away]> i remember her saying that to me one day when picking me up from school
<Foxhill[away]> 'you're a dirty lil boy'
<Foxhill[away]> 'huh? what?'
<Foxhill[away]> 'i wash your sheets remember'
<Foxhill[away]> 'err'
<Foxhill[away]> 'no more watching the german channel'
#35185
<timmo> also who did they just kill?
<timmo> whos funeral?
<everest> another hamas leader
<everest> Abdel Aziz Rantisi
<timmo> no you fuck
<timmo> on sapranos
#245926
<azn_jesus> also, I think I won at oktobervfest
<azn_jesus> I'm not sure what I won but I have some chick's stockings on my pants
<azn_jesus> scratch that, I seem to be in her car
<azn_jesus> I think she's telling me we're going to my place
<azn_jesus> yup, at my place now
<azn_jesus> passing out now, brb
Comment: #bifemunix EFNet
#8926
<zita> hi im a 17 yers old girl from norway,i have birtday too day
<meyou> 17 year old girl from norway? doesn't that mean you're a 43 year old man from the U.S. ?
#22491
<@timmo> <Tw1zt1d> I've only learned one thing about IRC over the years
<@timmo> <Tw1zt1d> It's that if you talk, you get banned
<@timmo> Approve Kill Nothing
<@timmo> thats funny because i banned him
#152895
<hekman> i took my son to the zoo on saturday and i had the worst gas...we were looking at the rhinos and he says, "dad, the rhinos are stinky, let's go"
<hekman> and then later he was like, "dad, the zoo is very stinky"
#309086
Charlie: next door have been drilling for like 2weeks non stop
Charlie: what the fuck are they making
Richard: holes
#892
<BlackDeth> ________________________
<BlackDeth> / )··,,
<BlackDeth> / \___________________/ ``,,
<BlackDeth> ( ) ) ikkenai
<BlackDeth> `·-^-?
<hypr> damnit
<hypr> fucking mom walked in and saw da c0ck
<hypr> lamers
#427
<VicViper> My last girlfriend was cute, but then I found out she was a rom, so I had to dump her.
#7855
<octo> no matter what anyone tells you, or how much you think it would be a good idea, never ever put aftershave on your balls
<HeXeDeCiMaL> OMG 0 ...
<Angelhair> curiosity will get you every time
<Ninja_Bill> as far as i know curiosity didnt make a cat put aftershave on its nuts
#35720
<the_stick> gfjgfjgfj : because I blew up a $152 PSU in the most stupid way
<the_stick> Life was almost perfect...now Im back into a puddle of shit
<gfjgfjgfj> Ah.
<gfjgfjgfj> From perfection to shit in 3 easy steps.
<the_stick> 1 step actually "Just connect the PSU into the wrong voltage outlet"
<gfjgfjgfj> Yes, but step 1 was "Buy excellent PSU" and step 3 is "Cry self to sleep".
<the_stick> Oh yeah
Comment: #Futuremark
#294563
<sereni> Protip: If you're in elementary school, and you're reading Euclid's Elements of Geometry, do NOT leave your geometric proofs in plain sight of ANYONE.
<sereni> *teachers marauds over to my seat, notices me writing furiously things that are not the required coursework, looks at pile of papers sitting besides me*
<sereni> "...What does 'A cuts B' mean? What is this about lines and meeting places? What are these diagrams for...?"
<sereni> You see, geometry is a pure science, and it also uses a lot of unambiguous terms. As such, a proof could be applicable in any context.
<sereni> I happened to be sent to the principals office as it seemed my innocent proof could be misread to mean that I was not only going to meet up with another kid, but stab him with a knife, doing so in a very precise way, at angles of approach ranging from 20 to 180 degrees, while moving about in various circular paths.
#11171
<pupkick> i just did my first mouthrinse with the shit i was prescribed.. i've been putting it off because i was worrying about pain like i get with scope and shit.. it was hella easy.. almost even tasted good.. now i can only blame myself for infections and extra swelling =/
<blitzoid> pupkick: You knew the risks when you became a gigalo.
#31163
<Will> O_O i keep my output of stupid questions in complete equilibrium with smart questions.
<nomad> so, you won't ask questions at all?
#50265
<[WTF]ChemicalBurn> i have a pound of pepperoni sticks beside me... oh the wrath my bum will feel tomorrow
<MrGoodWrench^afk> he sticks them up his bum? :O
#6627
<CecilPL> I have a life, I just don't do anything in it
#8465
<undrewb> I'm gonna make my thesis opensource so developers all round the world can work on it for me