Random | Latest | Best | Full Site
#3110
<putnam> this chinese kid said something so damn funny today on the phone
<putnam> let me give you the exact quote that he said, i will make sure not to make any typos. just picture hearing a chinese thug say this
<putnam> i said "man i'm gonna kick your ass" and he responds with:
<putnam> oh fuck nah...i'm gonna get some brick, and throw it across your window. i'm gonna throw it across your window and burn your bushes.
#17119
<barkode> yeah, slap can tell you about how at work he's sitting there on the
web and coding perl, while there's gunplay in the lobby and a bomb scare. We're not even kidding.
<slap> it's all true except the perl.
#29104
<wfg> at one place I worked, someone had an "rm -fr" in a build script for their software development team...the makefile was set up wrong so that it would start in / and do the rm -fr...and it traversed /net, which was the automounter directory.
<wfg> Blew away 40 servers before the build guy thought to wonder why his make was taking six hours.
#550
<Ash> KIEV, Ukraine (AP) -- A Ukrainian candy company has begun marketing what may be the stickiest, richest and most fattening holiday treat on the market: pure pork fat covered in chocolate.
#24875
<Cody> what color is mango?
<Derian> #FF7646
<Cody> lol... dork
#32137
<NeonEvangeliomon> heh, a friend of mine had his 80 giga (full, btw) fucked because the housecleaner woman decided to vaccuum the space next to his (opened) pc
<Typhlosion_v2> God, that must've really sucked.
<Typhlosion_v2> ...
<Typhlosion_v2> No pun intended.
Comment: #wolfpackproductions on MIRC-X
#28926
<noxic> jon is a power house
<clay> of weakness
#1633
<Defect> i've sworn off dating to the point where my mother's inquiries as to whether or not i'm gay are getting frustratingly more frequent.
<harb> Defect : Haha.
<harb> I hate that.
<harb> My mom asked me ONCE.. and I just started laughing.
<harb> And then went back to my David Hasslehoff shrine.
<Defect> she visited me a couple weekends ago and we went out to dinner, she had a few drinks and said "You can tell me if you're gay you know, i'm drunk now, i can take it."
#8024
<Antarius> Are you a dork if you can read digdug.cx/quotes and recognize people regularly?
#26289
<DawnG>I was forced to attend a seminar on leadership. We were broken into small groups and each was asked to state what skills a good leader possesses. I wrote, "Needs to be good with elephants and crossing Alps." The others at my table were amused, but the seminar coordinator didn't get it. I said it was a reference to Hannibal, known for his leadership qualities. Her reply: "What leadership qualities? He was a cannibal, and anyway, it was lambs, not elephants."
#307486
<centrinia> I am going to make something similar to a home pregnancy test device.
<robb_www> but it will be made of RAZORBLADES
<robb_www> and it will always say "not anymore"
#14753
<morbid> I had this plan
<morbid> i was going to join the band
<morbid> and kill myself, and leave my tuba there.
<morbid> it would explain it all
#14692
<ShoeFlip6058>: I made this screenplay where a serial killer goes to random victims houses, goes into their bedrooms, and screams "DON'T WAKE UP" in their faces while they sleep. The wake up, see him, and they die of fright
<ShoeFlip6058>: I would cast Christopher Walken as the killer
<Claypeople>: Dude, if i saw christopher walken in person I'd die of fright
<Jenova>: He's a scary mofo
#56160
<ddrfreak> 58 points
<ddrfreak> 7 deaths
<ddrfreak> I AM A FUCKIN MACHINE!
<yeats> You killed 7 people during sex?
#298261
<fetsuto> before there was private browsing, i used to use internet explorer for porn so i wouldn't clutter up firefox's history
<fetsuto> now i get horny every time i open ie
#43708
<CeZ> bewpy: hows your microphone doing?
<bewpy> it doesnt work for some reason..
<bewpy> why u ask?
<CeZ> bewpy, you were drunk and we convinced you that your microphone was going to kill you.. so you beat on it
#25611
<sean> I could jack off to a barbie doll and it'd be the equivilant to jerking off to the girls in playboy
<Ronwe> sean: you've jerked off to a barbie doll?
<iTM> wtf
<Ronwe> that' just pathetic
<sean> yes, many MANY times
<Ronwe> I mean, I've done it to Charsi's ass in D2.. but never to a barbie doll
<Ronwe> and it was only once... too lazy to go find some decent porn to smack to
<Astro> lol
<iTM> Charsi's ass?
<Ronwe> yeah... it's tight and firm
<Ronwe> I'm not going to explain any more
<Ronwe> I'm already afraid of this making it to bash
#25613
* nephlite is listening to korean pop
<Anwar> is it about starcraft?
<nephlite> probably
#309287
<Loxus> I fell for my own prank..
<Loxus> I had made a hidden folder on one of my hard drives named 'XXX'
<Loxus> when I opened it, there were only a text file named 'HAHA! Nothing here'
<Loxus> and I forgot that I did that. :P
#8278
<the__man> does anyone know if any brothel is open at this hour? i need some action right away
<+Octane> the__man: you've been blessed with two hands and ten fingers. go figure it out.
#295281
<Blueshirt> damn it
<Blueshirt> sailor moon will have to wait
<Blueshirt> parents downstairs
#5598
<Kazz> Do vampires have anuses? Cause that's why I wouldn't let this kid invade a vampire's anus in this RPG, right, I was GMing, and his character was an Anus Shade, with the power to possess and control the anuses of people and animals.. and I figured that vampires don't have anuses.
<Zaratustra> a vampire's anus is present, but non-working.
<Zaratustra> like a network card without the appropriate driver.
<Kazz> Wow. You're the biggest dork on Earth.
<Sharkey> And you're DMing an rpg with Anus Shades.
#17886
Tom - "Are you using networking cable to pull the sled?"
Dave - "Yea, it's only 10baseT, but it should be fast enough."
#62907
k2xl: being single vs having a steady girlfriend can be related to working
k2xl: having a steady girlfriend is like working steadly for a 'company'
k2xl: yes, it ensures you moeny and gives you many 'benefits', you can rest easy at night knowing that you have a 'job' waiting for you the next mornin. when new 'offers' come up your company has to increase your 'benefits' or you might lose interest with the company.
k2xl: however, on the bad side, it's hard to leave your company that you've worked with for so long, and you never know if you quit your 'company' that you could find a better one. Plus, some companies work you long hours without pay and barely give any days off.
k2xl: on the contrary, if you stay single, it's like freelancing.
k2xl: you can pick and choose 'better looking' work
k2xl: but some months you have tons of 'work' and some months you 'can't get any'
k2xl: because, as they say, and yes with pun intended, 'jobs' don't always fall into your lap ;)
#29466
<+SillyHalfMexican> omg i found bl4des post
<+SillyHalfMexican> Dear Dr Dick,
<+SillyHalfMexican> I have a little penis and I am wondering, will girls laugh at me?
<+SillyHalfMexican> L, June15
<+SillyHalfMexican> Dr Dick replies: Probably, but who cares if they do! If you've got them to that stage you're probably going to get what you're after.
<@{TsL}VertigoKiller> lmao
<+]eVo[Bl4de> Mexican go join the penis mile high club, you get frequent dick miles for being a little prick