Random | Latest | Best | Full Site
#33787
(Deranged): I fell asleep on the couch watching TV last night, and when I woke up at 4am, I had a hard on. I looked at the TV, and a Girls Gone Wild special was on. It was like it was meant to be.
#193445
<@pomo|wii> So, funny story. I don't know if it's true or not, but according to my public speaking professor, it is.
<@pomo|wii> So, a few people decide to throw a party and decide to inflate a few blow-up dolls with helium to have floating around the house.
<@pomo|wii> Now, everything's going well, until apparently some of these dolls escape into the night sky via an open door/window/something
<@pomo|wii> According to what he told us, a woman a few blocks down saw these dolls and thought that the rapture was occuring, and people were floating away into heaven
<@pomo|wii> so this woman RUNS INTO THE STREET, screaming to be taken with them, only to be hit and killed by a car
#25629
<@BhodiZzZz> cevik: help, my code won't compile and I don't know what's wrong!
BhodiZzZz (bhodi@dda9aaf9.net.hmsk) is now known as Bhodi
<cevik> well.. part of your problem appears to be that you were asleep when you wrote it.. ;)
#1617
<ground0-> as if your opinion matters, or means anything in this world at all
<hypr> as if your elitest bs opinion matter, or means anything in this world at all
<hypr> ;P
<ground0-> actually it does
<hypr> and how is that
<ground0-> highschool/college graduate/registered voter/licensed driver
#4159
<Teratogen> what is the difference between PMS and PWS?
<Rhelik> Teratogen: one is a curse on men sent by god, the other is a curse on men sent by microsoft
#46292
RecursiveBadger: I had one guy today whos dxdiag report I have saved onto my desktop to cheer me up in the future
Slacker: Do elaborate..
RecursiveBadger: We sent him the generic request for system specs, which is basically "send us your dxdiag report, or at least your Processor, Manufacturer, etc etc"
RecursiveBadger: So he'd taken our email
RecursiveBadger: Printed it
RecursiveBadger: Written beside each point what his system had
RecursiveBadger: Scanned his print-out in
RecursiveBadger: And attached the scans as jpegs
#302050
<Beanuritos> No way, I'm lazier than any of you.
<zetatech> i was so lazy earlier that while masturbating i just pretended i came
<Beanuritos> ...
<MorkDB> ...
<Beanuritos> respect
#11393
<Dark_Brood> Next thing Mac will do is introduce the 1 button keyboard, you type by morsing the ASCII codes of the letter you want to write
#35719
<menno> damnit
<menno> nvidia mousemat broke my table :(
<DEATH> wtf?
<menno> yeah, it was one of those selfsucking mousemats
<menno> when I tried to pull it off it took half of the table with it
#7859
<Kat> I just got an email from Horny Orgy Babes.
<Kat> oh gee... I wonder what it's about
<kmds> rhinocerous calves studying organic chemistry?
#14289
* eMeow-v2 fiddles with his r00t
<Apollo-> Can you fiddle with my r00t too? I like it when people play with my root
<eMeow-v2> Apollo-: you want "girlfriend". STFW.
<Apollo-> haha
<Apollo-> No, if I had a "girlfriend", "wife" would STFW for "unsolvable murder"
#214880
<~SHAGGSTaRR> "Whats the best thing about fucking a transvestite?
<~SHAGGSTaRR> Reaching around and thinking it's gone all the way through."
Comment: timboss #dirt
#13405
<Synikal> i do lawns
<mikeyjone> plz no sexual preferences
<Synikal> i do like 2 every day almost
<mikeyjone> one day you'll answer the door and a small blade of grass will be there saying "daddy?"
<Synikal> lol
#52624
<Shadda> Explaining the concept of referential integrity to a mysql user is like explaining condoms to a catholic
#20534
<CuZZa> they need to hand out personal jizz screens at Matrix Reloaded
<CuZZa> man i had my jacket on my lap most of last night trying to hide the massive BONER i had
#22081
<Juggs> ahaha the funniest shit is when i took 3 e's at once at a lan
<Juggs> and as far as i was concerned i could slow down time
#38704
<redux> I went to walgreens recently, to buy condoms for the first time
<redux> on the line there were two cashiers who opened up and they yelled next customer almost at the same time
<redux> One was a pregnant woman, and the other was a guy whos name tag said "Mr. Hyman"
<redux> so you could see how easy my decision was :P
#37298
<Dolph> beeeeeeee op beeop bop bop crankkkkkkkkk bzzzzt beeee be be be booooooooooooo be bong be bong be bahhhhhhhhhh biiiiiiiii bahhhhhhhh
<UnderCover> wtf
<Dolph> "Welcome"
<Dolph> "Youve got mail"
<Dolph> "Dah ding"
<Dolph> "Deh do"
<Dolph> hehe 56k
#30167
* OverlordQ changes topic to 'Forget Bayes, We need the Stalin Mail Filter (TM) -- it detects spam, hunts down the spammer, and exiles them to Siberia.'
#311199
<the_map> I'm a bit upset that bash.org doesn't have anything like, "Ursula sets mode -v Ariel"
#37879
<Tenor> omg dude
<Tenor> i was at olive garden today
<Tenor> and my grandpa was there too
<Tenor> and he goes "hey, i didn't get a breadstick" (everyone else had)
<Tenor> then he goes "what am i, black?"
<Tenor> i almost died laughing
Comment: maybe we're all racists.... (from #tenor on irc.gamesurge.net)
#294950
<@swight> A black hole "is not a hole in the usual sense," says Amy Barger of the University of Hawaii Institute for Astronomy.
<@Rjx_> haha
<@swight> Thanks Amy Barger!
<@swight> she means you can't have sex with it
Comment: #geekissues
#55291
<Noia> now I have to get dressed to go to the kitchen to get a new drink >.<
<myarray> why can't you be nakid in your own house?!
<Noia> I live in a flat with a few other people
<myarray> ah
<Noia> they might be a little disturbed if I start walking around in my underwear :P
<myarray> you never know, they might like it :)
<Noia> thats what I'm afraid of :P
#138095
<Ace_NoOne> I now believe that the Wikipedia folk assassinate people so they can be the first to report their deaths
#28852
<Mr_Rabies> that is proper
<Mr_Rabies> woot.
<Parak> mrproper?
<Parak> did you make a booboo in your source tree? :/
* Parak stabs self
* technodrone stabs Parak
<Mr_Rabies> oe noes
<Mr_Rabies> parak committed seppuku
* Mr_Rabies bukkake
* Mr_Rabies bukkake
<technodrone> you need like, 20 guys for a real bukkake
<technodrone> and youre just one, small, man
<Mr_Rabies> <technodrone> you need like, 20 guys for a real bukkake
<Mr_Rabies> <technodrone> and youre just one, small, man
<Mr_Rabies> not if you have 20 penises
<Mr_Rabies> all arranged in a circular pattern.
<janitorbob> but do you have 20 prostates
<Temujin> or don't fap for 20 days to save up
<technodrone> penis gatling gun ?
<Mr_Rabies> no they're like
<technodrone> like cow's utter ?
<Mr_Rabies> a bunch of penises... in a WTF WHY AM I EXPLAINING THIS SHIT
<Reptile> i knew i should have just closed irc
<technodrone> it stirrs up chan's interest
* Defenestrator comes back to the channel... and quickly leaves again