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#35719
<menno> damnit
<menno> nvidia mousemat broke my table :(
<DEATH> wtf?
<menno> yeah, it was one of those selfsucking mousemats
<menno> when I tried to pull it off it took half of the table with it
#310401
<Zavie> Saga_Musix this actually happened when opening my Internet line: "Do you want a phone?" "hmm why not, how much? ok then." ... later: "Please write your name, address, phone number..." "I don't have a phone number." "We need a phone number." "You do realize you are asking me for a phone number to open a phone line?" (embarrased) "yes, it's a little stupid"
#2171
(Reverend_) i thought i had to shit really bad
(Reverend_) but then i just farted like 3 times, and now i'm all cool
(Reverend_) but my ass is kinda wet and sticky
(Reverend_) any hot chicks, msg me, and we'll talk about it
(Reverend_) share your feelings
#14552
<prick> I hate parents who add letters to their kids' otherwise normal names
<prick> Or change them
<prick> "JESSICKA" "TIPHANIE"
<prick> Do you really think that your child will be unique or sparkling because of the confusion associatedwith their name?
<prick> All you're doing is setting her up for a lifetime of spelling out her name to strangers
#1527
<Geothermal> Jesus, I can only say so many things about fat people before they become redundant. I think it would help if they all flew to their own personal little island made of gumdrops and then ate themselves to the bottom of the sea like some kind of Atlantis. You know, only really fat.
#28977
<danamania> oh this is lovely - mum went to the vet to pick up sasha, and bought a few things back. I'm looking over this bottle of pet shampoo thinking I'd do kokomo's coat.
<danamania> The back of the fricken bottle says "Not tested on animals"
#270224
The Fizz Meister: Ungh, ME.
The Fizz Meister: I had to use that for several years.
The Fizz Meister: :(
The Fizz Meister: Bonus was that if I was about to get caught using porn, I'd just restart it.
The Fizz Meister: Say it crashed.
The Fizz Meister: Worked every time.
Comment: BYOND
#29318
<Odat> I remember that time I told the hair chick to cut about an inch off the back
<Odat> but what she heard was "cut all my hair as short as you possibly can"
<Odat> bad acoustics, I guess
<NakedKitty> wow.... yeah... that seems to happen a lot
<NakedKitty> or... her inch was a lot bigger than yours
<Odat> impossible
<Odat> men have the largest notion of an inch
#308420
<Dazuro> ...
<Dazuro> why
<Dazuro> why
<Dazuro> why cant i have a normal family
<Dazuro> i pissed off mom and she threatened to mail my foreskin to my girlfriend.
#117620
Evader: nothing beats a caffiene high when reading a good book
Evader: kicks the imagination into overdrive
Quixote: I'll bet a light dose of psychedelics would beat a caffeine high.
Evader: no, then the vowels would segregate from the union and you'd have an alphabetical civil war on your hands
Evader: if you REALLY fuck up, the numbers will come in as peacekeepers and proceed to draw out a year long campaign to 'resolve the conflict' while secretly stealing all the punctuation
#32663
<HiddenGenius83> wtf!?
<HiddenGenius83> have you ever seen a midget smile?
<HiddenGenius83> it looks like they're snarling
<HiddenGenius83> I swear to God
<StorDuff> you're watching that show on fox arent you
<HiddenGenius83> I turned the TV on, and BOOM! A midget smiling! Like fucking goatse for TV
#17359
«+kennyv» drakkhen: heh, a buddy of mine offered me a p3 800mhz for 80 bucks about a year ago
«+kennyv» but i was like "GRRR FUCK INTEL BITCH"
«+kennyv» then i carved an amd logo into my chest with an old isa sound card
#77259
leemur > vista officially sucks
ZoFreX > officially?
ZoFreX > you mean Microsoft put out a press statement saying so?
leemur > netHack dosent run on it
spb > WHAT
Comment: #freenode-social
#25113
<Mandingo> This is why I go to CNN.com.
<Mandingo> http://www.cnn.com/2002/US/08/08/porn.patriot/index.html
<American> im not clicking on anything that says porn patriot
<AirsickMoth> some american.
#3038
<Javi> irc is like a cigarette
<Javi> you know it's bad for you
<Javi> but you just can't stop
#68954
<MrZodiac> oh man
<MrZodiac> this is so awkward
<MrZodiac> This girl who I boink now and again is in an open relationship with a dude I knew in college
<MrZodiac> This past weekend she and I made merry, and I threw ropey jets of jism all over her and some of the furnature we were making merry on
<MrZodiac> And I used a towel to clean her and the furnature off
<MrZodiac> So the guy sends me a myspace IM today asking me which towel I used
<MrZodiac> ugh
<MrZodiac> I feel weird
Comment: #bifemunix on EFnet
#75067
Dizzy: I went to McDonalds and got this.. Ranch BLT chicken thing...
Dizzy: Now I've got a McTummy Ache...
Dizzy: I think that should be #2 on the menu
Dizzy: cuz thats all you're doing for the hour after you eat it
#223711
<Taran_Wanderer> You can look up what they're going to name hurricanes
<YP> I wish they'd bring hurricane mewtwo back :[
<The_984> Hurricanes should be named after Pokemon
<DonutKnight> In other news, Hurricane Magikarp has decimated New Orleans
<DonutKnight> More at 11
<The_984> Magikarp used SPLASH
<The_984> It was super effective
#37584
mrsaturn42: i need to talk to you. isnt it weird how if you just switch the n and the i nicest becomes incest....
JoJo GO Ska: only you'd think of that
#11014
<PreZ> u'd think I'd dream about britney spears, or christina ricci, or something
<PreZ> but nooooo
<PreZ> I dream I'm on IRC in #aussies
<PreZ> *sigh*
<goombah> wake up prez.. your having a hard disk crash
#18333
Larry: I'm to go eat. People get hungry sometimes.
Juan: I hope you put clothes on b4 you went
<30 mins later>
Larry: fuck
Larry: that's why they were looking at me funny
#53214
<withnail> effexor sounds like a hacker drug
#29104
<wfg> at one place I worked, someone had an "rm -fr" in a build script for their software development team...the makefile was set up wrong so that it would start in / and do the rm -fr...and it traversed /net, which was the automounter directory.
<wfg> Blew away 40 servers before the build guy thought to wonder why his make was taking six hours.
#8986
<czg> you're not gary larson
<Nekroe> czg... how the fuck do you know?
<czg> because I'm gary larson
#2495
<CompGod> If crime doesn't pay, is my job illegal?