Random | Latest | Best | Full Site
#20164
<KJ> I was in a shop in Britain, when an American tourist in front of me tried to pay for something in US dollars. The shop keeper politely told her that this was Britain, and you can't use U.S. dollars here. The lady replied... "But I had no problems in other third world countries"
#11141
<mjvh> stupid loose ethernet connection.
<Turbonutter> ducktape
<Turbonutter> ducktape is the answer to all life's problems
<Turbonutter> like beer. except ducktape rarely causes them in the first place.
<zx64> ducktape is merely a physical manifestation of regexps
<Turbonutter> it can do anything but is a pain in the arse to use?
#68041
<bubba> don't they have laws against lying in advertising?
<bubba> this coax cable i just bought says "Connects satellite and digital cable sources with no signal loss"
<glasnost> "Comes with complementary 'Fuck you, second law of thermodynamics' bumper sticker"
#23380
<Arrgh> hmmm... i need to write my own matrix code
<Harrison> Yes, Arrgh!
<Harrison> Then you can subjugate the entire human population!
<Harrison> Except for a small number of upstarts who'll wind up totally ruining your plans.
<Harrison> One of them will be a terrible actor.
<Arrgh> naw, that has a scale thats much too big
<Arrgh> i'll have to just subjugate all of you gys
<Harrison> Can I be the bad actor?
<Arrgh> i dunno, you need to audition!
<Harrison> Ok ok ok. How's this...
<Harrison> "Whoa."
<Arrgh> you're hired!
#1856
(dOkTeR---) doesnt matter how hot a girl is, if they do drugs and have a stupid personality, they are just as ugly as the fat bitch who won the pie eating contests
#48808
Gamefreak1337: I hardly notice any diffrence between 500 kbits and this connection
Gamefreak1337: unless i'm downloading something
#16266
(dx) i once ordered sears siding for the condo complex across the street
(dx) they showed up
(dx) and knocked on the first condo
(dx) and the dude called the landlord
(dx) and he comes out
(dx) and starts screaming at them
(dx) sears calls me back and asks whats wrong and i told them i had no idea what they were talking aboit
(dx) sears never called me again
(dx) :)
#93358
Invisceo: If i don't get at least a 175 on the LSAT, i'll have to fly to NY and jump off the Empire State Building
Styling Dan: dude, jump off the world trade towers
Styling Dan: they are much higher
Kazooie197: Not anymore :|
Styling Dan: what?
Styling Dan: yeah, Im pretty sure they are the tallest building in new york
Invisceo: dude, where have YOU been?
Styling Dan: what?
Kazooie197: I'm probably taller than the remaining rubble
Styling Dan: what do you mean
Styling Dan: rubble!??1?
Styling Dan: WHAT THE FUCK?!
#88639
<Apollo> lmao, that reminds me of when ryan had the INCREDIBLE plan to submit a quote to bash. The gimmick was that each time it was rejected, he'd add another line and resubmit it until it was accepted XD
<Trinexx> how did that turn out?
<red_ryan> well, its been over a year and they still havent moderated the third attempt.
#14583
*** mad-splat (~mad-splat@2-170.borcpe.cableone.net) has joined #programming
<mad-splat> @find *turbo*c++*
<mad-splat> @find *codewarrior*
<dos622> @find you*being*banned
*** mad-splat (~mad-splat@2-170.borcpe.cableone.net) has left #programming
#307245
<Lastair> japanese cosmo
<Lastair> 10 hot sex tips!
<Lastair> tips 1-10: whimper like you're being raped
#310173
<ais523> then running repeatedly until you get the right sequence of random numbers
<ais523> and just completely ignoring the input
<cpressey> some people live their entire lives this way, i reckon
#185231
<Valtieri> Hey, guess what. I just pirated an mp3 of "Finish What Ya Started"
<Valtieri> The last 30 seconds are cut off
#14933
<mevrick6> buti dont like verbal sex, cos it creat me problem'
#368
<RevNeptho> gethostbyintuition() is still a dream of mine
#5072
<jonathans> i wonder if all women think like that
<reubenf> not all women think
#55058
<zb^3_> sektie
<zb^3_> i can't just stand here with my cock in my hand
<Workdug> start moving your hand up and down in a smooth, continuous motion
<Workdug> it feels really good after a while
<rpenguin> unless your hands are covered in habanero sauce :(
<goldfish> words of wisdom
Comment: efnet #okcupid
#4105
* dodgearse learns to need how to say somthing before thinking of it
[dodgearse] wow... that dont sound right
* dodgearse needs to learn to think about what hes going to say before saying it...
#36319
<MootSux> I found a way to irc from work
<MootSux> Mootar 1, productivity 0.
#52788
<zien> ah i love water. it's like nature's fruit juice.
<cgom> ....FRUIT JUICE is nature's fruit juice. moron.
#85329
<upparoom>So this chick I know is suing her Birth Control maker
<upparoom>She started taking it and gained a bunch of weight.
<upparoom>She went from a size 5 to a size 22 and lost most of her hair.
<upparoom>I'm thinking...
<upparoom>thats some pretty damn effective birth control..
#23976
[+BIoNYX]: asking me if i'd go to an 8 o'clock class for any reason but a test or quiz is like asking me if i'd rather eat a piece of pizza or cut my nuts off with scissors
#46698
-dmwaters- {global notice} Hi all.... erm, that netsplit was my fault.... I accidently killed the wrong process on the wrong box. I'm very very sorry for that... Thank you for your patience, and thank you for using freenode...
#17105
<@KelPearl> sleeps comes after sex
<@KelPearl> gotta get tired ya know
<@mootlif3> goto sleep while having sex
<@mootlif3> it'll make dave thing he sucks
<@mootlif3> and he'll buy you stuff
<@KelPearl> whoa
<@KelPearl> sweet idea
#8687
<Ryk> "let's be friends" is what chicks say when they're feeling guilty about shafting someone.
<Ryk> they don't mean it.
<Ryk> they mean the kind of friends that never speak and never see each other.
<Tippytoes> thats the best kind of friends