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#48892
storm-shadow: damn it!!
storm-shadow: my computer has got some huge cock problems!
storm-shadow: not a regular problem... not even a big problem... no, that would be too weak a wording.
storm-shadow: this is a huge cock problem!
storm-shadow: when i open firefox, my comp freezes up for about thirty seconds.
storm-shadow: won't respond at all. i hit start, nothing. ctrl + alt + del, nothing.
storm-shadow: then thirty seconds later, all that shit starts popping up on me.
storm-shadow: that, by definition, is a huge cock problem.
snake-eyes: that is weird
snake-eyes: not your computer freezing, that's fairly common
snake-eyes: but, your choice of words does indeed frighten me
#52170
QDB submitters, listen up:
1. Not using the comment field nearly always makes the quote funnier. For the person to understand the joke, the punchline should hit last. The comment field should ideally be moved to the top of the quote, but that's up to the people running the site.
2. Don't use the comment field for explaining context like they say on the submission page. When have you ever heard a funny joke in which someone tells it, pauses, and then says "oh yeah, and the three guys in the bar were lawyers," Explain these things before the funny part or the joke dies.
3. Leave off 'haha' or 'lol' at the end of quotes. Go look at some of the top quotes and add '<whoever> haha' to the end. See?
4. Fix misspellings and things. It's okay to want accuracy, but it's not that important here. There are a couple hilarious quotes where the punchline has an unrelated typo and it really throws the joke.
5. For one-liners and quips, the shorter it is the better. It's okay to edit for brevity and clarity.
6. The moderators are not facists. Your quote was rejected because it wasn't funny. It was funny to you, because you were there and you knew the people. Context is everything, and it's hard to detach yourself. Try changing the names in the quote to people you don't know and see if it still seems funny to you. If not, don't submit it.
7. Your quote will not be accepted just because you talk about the quote site. You are not the first person to think of self-reference.
#3124
<JMPZ> Either you are too horny for you're own good, or I am...
<Joshua> i don't know what that means...
<Joshua> 'too horny'?
<Joshua> usually once you get too horny the problem solves itself
#4062
<DigDug> <nowakow> does anyone want to teach a horny female to masturbate to orgasm?
<DigDug> Approve Kill Nothing
<josho> kill;
<jestuh> kill
<jestuh> if she's horny she knows what to do
#558
<@xvize> xwin is like an os
#4036
<Tragician> MOTHER...FUCKING...FIREWALL!
<mightyflo> that's a horrible mental image
#32631
<issuez> yea except i did everyone
<issuez> when i meant to do one
#283999
<steuy> i'm looking for Hitchcock's movies
<alen> lol, it's Hancock, stupid
#4043
<TALLC00L1> Why do dogs lick their dicks? cuz they can't make a fist
#50251
<Evil_Timmy> wow, just realized that the last couple of people ive slept with have been people i met on irc
<Evil_Timmy> i'm a netrosexual
#19398
<Fas|n8> i wank while looking at the mirror.....while.....the bitch come out and stab me?
<Fas|n8> oi wank in front of the mirror....and say bloody mary 3 times....she will come out and give u a blow job
<sybex> I just took a bat to make myself feel safer :)
#39816
* Helor is flipping through the defense force job search thingie....
* Helor blinks...why would the army employ musicians...o.O
<Penguinman_EXE> Target practice?
#33213
*** Signoff: disp (Killed (NickServ (Ghost: disposal!disp@syru229-149.syr.edu)))
*** disp (disp@syru229-149.syr.edu) has joined channel #fark
<disp> i am fucking stupid
<disp> from my experience
<goatasaur> took you long enough
<disp> it was on auto reconnect
<disp> i did it manually
<disp> while it was reconnecting
<disp> and then i sat on the server
<disp> thinking i was in the channel
<goatasaur> no, i mean it took you long enough to figure out you're fucking stupid
Comment: #fark on irvingnet.net
#30112
<+Arilakon> mmm.. nothing more fun then downloading a german crack for an english game, and going into it and it's all like "ACHTUNG" and you're like "WTF"
#39247
· · Quit : Surreal [ ximaginary@66.187.166.5 ]
· · Joins : Surreal [ ximaginary@66.187.166.5 ]
[ Surreal ] omg -_-
[ Surreal ] My mom scared the cat and the cat tripped over my master switch for my computer
#195581
<titaniumone> A customer came into Best Buy and very clearly asked me where the "Black CD's" were. I assumed he was just your average ignorant racist so I brought him to the rap section, at which point he freaked out and had me get a manager so he could get me fired for being racist.
#66705
<Sean`Macmillan> In a consulting firm I worked for, they abbreviated "analysis" as "anal."
<Sean`Macmillan> So after a school survey was done, one of the items on the agenda was "School visits and follow-up anal."
#21554
Motorbreath151: I love
TheOffspring326: what?
Motorbreath151: oh sorry
Motorbreath151: forgot to finnish my sentence
Motorbreath151: I-KIRJAIN lempiä ilakoida televisio kisat
Motorbreath151: there we go
TheOffspring326: what the fuck
Motorbreath151: i finnished it
Motorbreath151: stupid
Motorbreath151: finnish is a language
#4262
<jestuh> we are professional idlers
<jestuh> we don't get paid to chat!
#31984
<fataldoom> today i was looking at renting this room at this house that a couple chicks owned
<fataldoom> they told me they were a little uneasy about renting out to a guy, so i told them "oh that's okay i'm gay"
<fataldoom> then they're like "we've seen three's company, we're not stupid!"
<fataldoom> moral of the story is that i'm still living with my mom
#116110
<ednos> root, help!
<ednos> the only language available is British English!
<root> ?
<ednos> I don't speak that!
<root> lol
<root> you'll survive
<root> it doesn't prevent you typing your posts in american
<ednos> I won't know which button submits
<ednos> is it "prevaricate about the bush" or "spot o' milk"?
Comment: #taskforceranger on irc.gamesurge.net
#7420
<firebrand> damn, i cannot spell today
<A|exander> you just did.
<firebrand> fuck you ;)
#40440
<laurent> yeah everything's great except the damn hard disk
<Popdog> need a hd?
<Popdog> i've got a spare 20 i can bring up with me
<laurent> i was trying to seduce Amanda by showing her how fast i could install OpenBSD and i did the bsdlabel editing and hit ok and a pile of newfs errors spam the screen
<Popdog> LOL
<laurent> so needless to say i didn't get lucky that night
#57165
<jnz> I spilt Mountain Dew on my keyboard a few times and it left some thick syrupy stuff I never really decided to clean off. I've also spilt drinks on my cable modem and in my surge protector. Everything still worked fine.
<jnz> I move into an apartment close to my college for a semester and sugar ants appeared out of nowhere and would swarm my computer and electronics at night. In a week or so my cable modem, surge protector, and keyboard were completely clean and syrup free. Ants rock.
#33407
<Monique> i reached a whole new level of internet geekdom.
<Monique> i was at quiznos eating my soup and i saw a car outside and its license plate said 911 AFK
<Monique> and i burst out laughing