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#304590
<geniice> and lets face it if your backup plan is to fill the area with liquid helium you've chosen quite an exciting life
#44119
<Nitrix> So we have this really retarded blonde in our Chem class, and she had just gotten back from a Cruise in Mexico. Apparently she met JEssica Simpson on the cruise (She did have a buncha pictures with her). She was like "Yah! She's like really cool and not as dumb as everyone thinks, we had some cool conversations!"
<Nitrix> I'm like Yah sure ya did proily when like this:
<Nitrix> "What are you think about?"
<Nitrix> "Nothing"
<Nitrix> Oh my god me too!
#6058
<Guyver3> ive found, that dreaming that you get shot in the chest, twice, by an assassin that looks like Odo, in the back of car, and
feeling your heart slow down to almost nothing, leaves a really acidic taste in your mouth when you wake up
<a_0001> then don't dream that
<Guyver3> i didnt say that i disliked the acidic taste
#29814
<Vex> Anyway, I'm off todo some meditation
<NSG> how do you meditate, and stay so evil?
<Vex> I became a buddhist on the weekend. Got rid of my evil side
<Vex> It's all gone. I'm no longer...alll...that...evil!
* _Mist_ craves a rootserv force-nick-change command right now
<_Mist_> /msg rootserv chgnick Vex Evil
* Vex clears his conscience
-NickServ- Nickname evil has been dropped.
* Vex feels more enlightened
* Vex eats some chocolate cake
#310872
< wushin> bjorn not ded, bjorn is parent, parents are zombies because children are parasites
< wushin> Trust me, I'm someone's father.
< Kage> wushin: I would see a doctor about it
< wushin> We did several times.
< wushin> #KidsAreExpensive
#1678
<SEoD> ooooh, my mac is gorgeous
<SEoD> it's so expensive and see-thru
<Xlord> sounds like some women I know
#3421
<DrWoody> One time I was at the store with my friend and there were these underage kids in the porn section they kicked out while we were in there.
<DrWoody> so they gave us their money and we bought porn for them
<L33TKnight> your good deed for the day?
<DrWoody> I like to give back to society.
#3572
*** Villager has joined #akpcep
<Villager> damn AOL
<Joshua> ...
<Alexander> hi vill
<Joshua> jesus shit!
<Joshua> you ARE using AOL!
<Joshua> i thought you were joking...
#49669
* Konrad is now known as Konbed
* goatrope is now known as goatsleep
* eskay is now known as eskay|zz
<eskay|zz> anyone who makes a threesome comment gets shot
<Konbed> this will not go well for us on the out of context theatre
#31021
<Drunken_master> A brief question, please
<nomad> yes?
<nomad> I hope that was brief enough
#42283
If English was good enough for Jesus Christ,
it's good enough for us.
- Miriam Ferguson, Governor of Texas
Comment: only in the USA...
#15454
[Shinji] my pants are pretty disturbed too!
[Shinji] then again, you'd be pretty disturbed if you spent your life this close to my crotch.
#16230
([m1]) teresa do you remember what i told you about the playground mentality of guys?
(resa) playground?
(resa) they only think about sex?
([m1]) no teresa
([m1]) that boys in elementary school would pick on girls they like
(Mog2) i'd hate to know how teresa connected the playground to thinking about sex
#240218
<MiracleBlue> I had the worst nightmare
<MiracleBlue> In my dream I was on the computer right
<MiracleBlue> And anyway, I was visiting a website and this pop up came up
<MiracleBlue> And installed malware on my machine
<MiracleBlue> And the porn king (you know that dude with the long hair and bald spot)
<MiracleBlue> His voice was coming from my computer
<MiracleBlue> Talking about porn
<MiracleBlue> I was like FUUUUCK
<MiracleBlue> And I immediately went to download.com and tried to download AVG
<Flawlessdave> That's not a nightmare. A nightmare would be if you were stuck with Norton
<MiracleBlue> Dear god
#17942
<Jibble> I got a 3.5 this semester :D
<Jibble> I so thought I'd failed that history exam too
<MrEnthusiasm> its a computer error
<MrEnthusiasm> you should be getting a letter in the mail rather soon explaining why your financial aide has been revoked
<Jibble> I don't have any financial aid
<MrEnthusiasm> got the letter I see
#3755
<tyne> ive tossed around joining places like the peace corp and green peace and the navy
<tyne> but green peace is too much
<tyne> navy is too hard
<tyne> and peace corp is hard to get into
<tyne> so
<tyne> my final answer is
<tyne> bartender!!
#44980
<Humour> milkshakes arent that good imo
<Humour> at least not ones made by mcdonalds
<omnigeek> hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
<omnigeek> How could you gauge anything by mcdonalds standards
<omnigeek> Thats like having a fat guy rape you in prison and saying you dont enjoy sex.
#29445
<BlazeHedgehog> For a few seconds when AOL first loads it displays the wrong image with the wrong headline on the front page
<BlazeHedgehog> So it's got this guy kneeling at the WTC Memorial, crying, headline reads "HILLARY DUFF'S NEW CD RELEASED"
#57267
<evilAdmin> Oy! Maybe my job does rock.
<evilAdmin> Da Fluke network tester (a $6000 Gameboy wannabe) was broken today since someone took the lithium batteries out of it and neglected to put them back in the case.
<evilAdmin> We had to test out the connection between floors 2&4, going through floor 3 in the process.
<evilAdmin> so I tell da b0ss that the Network tester is dead... And I need to generate network traffic so I can see the stats on the switches and routers, make sure no packets are being killed prematurely.
<evilAdmin> So he sayz "How much is that tester worth?", I say "6K". He says "Great!".
<evilAdmin> he picks up his office phone, hits the global annoucement button, and says "Floors Two, Three, and Four, our IT Admin requires that you generate network traffic for equipment testing. Grab Half Life off my network share, I'll host". He hangs up and says "Happy?", I say "that works".
<evilAdmin> The rest of the afternoon was dedicated to a rather large Half Life MP game on Crossfire :).
#68954
<MrZodiac> oh man
<MrZodiac> this is so awkward
<MrZodiac> This girl who I boink now and again is in an open relationship with a dude I knew in college
<MrZodiac> This past weekend she and I made merry, and I threw ropey jets of jism all over her and some of the furnature we were making merry on
<MrZodiac> And I used a towel to clean her and the furnature off
<MrZodiac> So the guy sends me a myspace IM today asking me which towel I used
<MrZodiac> ugh
<MrZodiac> I feel weird
Comment: #bifemunix on EFnet
#5406
*** Swish changes topic to '"I never pirated it....it was donated. by the file fairy. I put a blank CD under my pillow..."'
#33810
<splice> Pakistani president tells CNN he believes troops have surrounded al Qaeda fighters protecting "high-value target." Details soon.
<splice> goatse will be captured!
#309662
<b2coutts> so apparently, when your laptop doesn't boot any more, the solution is to boot into your arch live ISO, look at your partitions, and reboot
<jj2baile> observation causes a change in the system!
<sharvey> clearly you have quantum linux
#16682
*** UndErX has joined #help
<UndErX> sup lamer newbies
<UndErX> answer this if u r not newbiez:
<FiEsTy-> well, ask
<UndErX> no newbie lamer
<UndErX> lamerz
<FiEsTy-> hey please dont type /quit fiesty- because it makes me quit IRC.. please
*** Quits: UndErX (Quit: fiesty-)
#2061
<|shark|> if a guy took a home pregnancy test
<|shark|> and it turned out positive
<|shark|> what does that mean?
<Merl> shark.. go see a doctor man ;-)