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#2555
<@SYch0> fuck
<@SYch0> this is gonna be harder than i thought
<@BlackDeth> are you looking for your penis again
#8853
<tom> did you hear about the magic tractor?
<tom> it went down the hill and turned into a field!!!
<ReAc> :/
<dave> did you hear about the magic tom?
<dave> he went down the hill and I stabbed him in the face
#34146
<Valek> Life sucks, I hope I get drunk this weekend.
<WzL> life sucks
<WzL> and it don't even swallow
<Valek> Yeah but if your lucky you find a girl who does, then life doesn't suck anymore.
<WzL> But if yer unlucky she lives in another country
<Valek> And if your really unlucky shes a guy.
<Valek> And if your really fucked
<Valek> She has a bigger penis then you
#48005
<fittysix> elmo, if the internet were a city there'd be a resturaunt everyone reccomends, but when you walk in you see a gaping anus
Comment: #genmay on irc.0id.net
#133376
[+TheWickerMan] as much as i don't want to desecrate the memory of cliff burton
[+TheWickerMan] i can't help but chuckle a bit when reading about his death
[+TheWickerMan] getting crushed by a bus is tragic but
[+TheWickerMan] when the lift falls over that's picking up the bus
[+TheWickerMan] and you get crushed by the same bus AGAIN
[+TheWickerMan] that is just hilarious
#33227
* Drummer_B has joined #emu
<Drummer_B> may i ask if this is a roms channel?
<nylint> drummer_b: all you have to do is !list
<Drummer_B> ahhhhhhhhhh ok thanks :)
<Drummer_B> !list
* Drummer_B was kicked by nylint (auto-kick: no triggers or roms, bitch!)
* Drummer_B has joined #emu
<nylint> and you'll get kicked
<nylint> i didn't tell you what it would DO
Comment: #emu efnet kthxbye
#6385
<malp> this channel would be an argument for forced sterilization if there ever was a chance of any of you getting laid
<RunMe> malp: you keep talking as if you're NOT ON this channel
#301761
<Reunech> So I take this physics test, my midterm if I'm correct, and I did alright. The last question, however, was a bitch. I spent more than half the test on it and by the end I had this ridiculously convoluted equation and was looking at a big fat zero out of five for that question. Which would suck.
<Reunech> At this point I figure: "Fuck it, I'm gonna get it wrong anyway."
<Reunech> So I underline it, write "this is very wrong" and then draw an arrow, just to be safe.
<Reunech> I get the midterm back with the comment "Its good to know when you're wrong," and only two points off.
<Reunech> I did better than my friend who studied for three days.
<Reunech> By three points.
Comment: He hit me.
#1244
<atila> my pc just shocked me
<atila> I touched my cd-r and it went "bzzzzzzzzzzzzzt"
<ivilgrue> must be an anti-piracy system
#38911
 Duff: man it's cool how the walking trees fuckup the white wizards tower
Name|ess: if lotr never existed and Duff said that
Name|ess: I would want your acid
#2133
<Kashan> I think we should circumsize horses so they look prettier in the porn videos
#78388
<ed> customer: "i have a pentium 4-R CPU, is that a good CPU?"
<ed> me: 'sir, there's no such thing as a pentium 4-R.'
<ed> customer: "so you mean you don't know about the pentium 4-R."
<ed> me: 'i mean that the pentium 4-R does not exist.'
<ed> customer: "dude, don't try to belittle me, i know more than you. i have one, i know it exists, i just wanted to know if it was a good CPU or not."
<ed> me: 'sir, with all due respect, intel introducing a "pentium-4-r" should have made enough of a splash in the industry for me to notice.'
<ed> finally he gets me to pull out a CPU to show me
<ed> on the chip engraving, it says:
<ed> PENTIUM (R) 4
<ed> he goes: "SEE! PENTIUM 4 R!!!"
<ed> me: ....
#17749
<Crumbs> anyone know what the strongest painkillers you can buy are?
<Trukkie> guns
#310251
<fryerfly> there were a couple of guys on other courses i got on with
<fryerfly> some of our modules overlapped
<fryerfly> we had some good times playing lan games of halo
<fryerfly> except i kept winning
<fryerfly> which offended them
<fryerfly> eventually they declared we were going to have a match
<fryerfly> them vs me
<fryerfly> i was limited to an energy sword and a pistol
<fryerfly> they could use anything they liked
<fryerfly> i won
* fryerfly was never invited again
#3363
<Nettik> I had some Huge ass guy name Ray try to squeeze the shit out of me
<Nettik> the guy is REAL strong and pretty agile for being big
<Nettik> he grabbe a hold of me and started squeezing, he didnt like it when I kicked his leg out from underneath him too much, but he squeezed harder. It all depends on how far I was willing to go
<spazzer> <Nettik> and soon i had a nice loaf the size of a breadbox in my drawers
#10486
<cj_> we lost 20,000 rows of customer data
<Twid> cj: eek!
<Twid> I hope the innocent were blamed.
<Kin-San> 20k? holy...
<cj_> we blamed the guy that didn't come in today.
<Kin-San> lol
<Twid> good. as long as normal business procedures were followed
#37046
(Deranged): Having my right hand as a girlfriend is the best relationship I've ever had.
(Deranged): It's always up for threesomes, it'll never cheat on me.
(Deranged): And best of all, I don't have to talk to it after sex, because I don't know sign language.
#56408
JennyWang08: i think ihave
JennyWang08: starting to have
JennyWang08: problems communicate
QreepyBORIS: Really.
#12433
<DarkPhan> humm... i want to find some software that will track eye movements on a webcam
<Spooky42> www.fbi.com/shareware
#33530
Primus521: im at walmart and this chick is buying a box of tampons and they are missing the upc and wont ring up
Primus521: so the cashier tells his buddy to get a price check on tampax
Primus521: the dude looks at him and says, "the kind u push in, or the kind you hammer in?"
Primus521: turns out he misheard him
Primus521: he thought he said thumbtacs
Primus521: you should have seen the look on the chicks face
#7118
<HowLeTT> if my back seat smells like pussy tomorrow, im going to be furious
<HowLeTT> seriously
#3275
<cynica_l> i hate babies
<Gollum`> i hate people
<cynica_l> i hate you
<profett> i have 3 guns
<profett> we can solve some problems
#31801
<Chiffy> hah
<Chiffy> I was at a local skateboard shop with my mom
<Chiffy> and I look up and see a deck with a picture of a drunk mexican screwing a crocodile and I laugh
<Chiffy> she looks up
<Chiffy> and mentions something like 'oh animal planet crocodile guy'
<Chiffy> it took about 5 seconds for her to go 'uh, wait'
#5487
<gjvc> that is beyond ghetto
<gjvc> that is where trailers go to die
#1903
<Delusion> "US attacked by four concurrent hijacking incidents. US gas stations celebrate by immediate 25 cent price increase."