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#34319
<S_R> I just made the weirdest thing I've ever tasted
<rpop> now put it back in the toilet
Comment: #geekissues efnet
#33933
Serrated Sp00n: What the hell?
Serrated Sp00n: All I've thought about recently is penis and world domination.
Serrated Sp00n: I NEED GET LAID.
Serrated Sp00n: MUST REPRESS URGE TO RULE OVER HUMANITY.
xdev0luti0nx: Oh my god. Somebody better fuck you before you blow us all up with something.
#301385
<Emperor_Nick> I have Star Wars theme and classic Monopoly. I like building houses on the Death Star, because I imagine Darth Vader cutting the grass on the surface of the huge laser's dish.
<Emperor_Nick> A little picket fence, some roses...
<Emperor_Nick> You could really spruce the place up.
<Emperor_Nick> Turn that Death Star into a Dream Star.
<Emperor_Nick> Him and Emperor Palpatine in a civil union, adopting a wookie orphan.
<Emperor_Nick> The Jedi protesting their corruption of the sacred union between a man, a woman and The Force...
* Emperor_Nick has disturbed daydreams
#60271
<Ted> Ooh ooh! My cache has my credit card number it. Now I don't have to pull out my wallet. Thank you, Internet
<RayTracer> Now is that a bug or a feature?
<Ted> There's no privacy on the net anyway, so it defaults to a feature
#38130
<@depressed> After years of being lonely, somebody finally asked me to go out with her to the cinema.
<@depressed> Too bad she's my sister.
#52386
<Valdek> rofl
<Valdek> my sister's friend alyssa just came into the kitchen when i was getting some grape juice
<Valdek> and yelled "don't ever cum inside a girl!"
<Valdek> and threw a pregnancy test box at me
#225287
<T1gger> I just screwed up severely...
<T1gger> I brought a girl (a big girl) home and it went further than it should have...
<T1gger> Her arse is gone now, but how do I let her down gently?
<deNYEd> forklift.
#1275
<iis> exploit me
#39984
(Nick): nobody believed about my abs, so I took a pic of it.. nobody thinks I have a nice sized penis.. so do I have to prove you wrong again?
(Deranged): Exactly how far does your camera zoom?
#34174
<Guyp> my mom wont let me go to the gym
<Guyp> she thinks i'll look at girls and my mind will be sinning ;[
<Guyp> so i think i'll ask her if a gay gym is ok :>
#3687
<OutLore> your the moron that believed us, i's not my fault your tent fell in the river
#2908
<DEMI1999> ed's hit an all time high of un-understandability
<DEMI1999> <eDz0ph_gb> d0f eye ,ent n0am
#59529
<ArchPlan> I'm expecting an onslaught of malware to my company's network this week... we're temporarily disabling the firewall.
<ArchPlan> alot of malware may already be dormant on the company's machines, but then again, some new stuff might come as well
<fr_gment> So why not install some sort of warning system, by hanging out lanterns:
<fr_gment> One if by LAN, Two if by C:\
#29996
<@Rad_the_Hedgehog> !seen Jesus
<@DPI> Jesus is on the channel right now (as Ron) !
<+Ron> Oh my dad, I've been discovered.
#15071
<cardinal> huh, a friend of mine pissed in his girlfriend's typewriter
<cardinal> under similar circumstances
<alayna> :blink:
<cardinal> drunk, needing to pee, didn't want to turn on the light, found
<cardinal> the "bathroom" door, found the "toilet", opened the lid,
<cardinal> pissed, couldn't find the flusher, went back to bed
<cardinal> discovered the next morning he'd opened the wrong door, and
<cardinal> found the typewriter, not the toilet, which explains the lack
<cardinal> of flush lever
<Deke> and the *ding* when he finished
<cardinal> all I could say when he told me the story was "Good thing it
<cardinal> wasn't a Selectric"
#67338
<jsz> i wouldnt hit it
<jsz> looks like everyone else already has
<sour> she's a virgin
<jsz> bullshit.
<jsz> shes been down on more guys than a small site under the slashdot effect
#310844
<wabewalkr> Oh, I dunno. Ignorance is bliss.
<zompist> then why aren't more people happy?
#311156
<AppleDash> I have accidentally racially segregated my old computers
#309905
<Science> Quite frankly I'm kinda sick of the cats
<Science> Picture of cats have exactly zero appeal to me. So seeing half a channel go "No One Cares. At All CATS" is pretty annoying.
<Science> This channel isn't about looking at fucking cats
-!- Randall changed the topic of #xkcd to: This channel is about looking at fucking cats.
<Science> Ok now it's about cats
<Science> Carry on
#51343
<wils0r> I was hearing about that guy
<wils0r> Jude Law or whatever
<wils0r> he has the best life ever
<loko> cuz hes fuckin the nanny or why
<wils0r> he fucked the nanny, and then his hot ass wife took him back, made him make up a list of all the girls he fucked
<wils0r> and now he is in trouble because he inadvertantly left kate moss off the list, who he had a 3some with
<wils0r> so wtf
<wils0r> does life get better than being able to forget about a 3some with kate moss
#14299
Dainichi> Sometimes, I really do think it'd be nifty-keen to have another me around.
Phantbert> no way
Phantbert> I'd hate to have another me
Phantbert> the last thing I need is another pretentious asshole to deal with.
#6492
<Bobo> Hobo-Niff, will you be my partner in dance dance strangulation?
#34564
<ChrizzNL> err this is a C++ help channel, right?
<oracel> a what?
<ChrizzNL> what kinda channel is this??
<oracel> a channel for people with the rare blood decease Rhesus C plus (plus)
<ChrizzNL> woops
#310872
< wushin> bjorn not ded, bjorn is parent, parents are zombies because children are parasites
< wushin> Trust me, I'm someone's father.
< Kage> wushin: I would see a doctor about it
< wushin> We did several times.
< wushin> #KidsAreExpensive
#61709
<ToxicFrog|AFK> Hmm.
<ToxicFrog|AFK> Ok, question for the USians in the channel.
<ToxicFrog|AFK> First of all, the background - as a dual citizen, once I reach a certain point, I have to file US income tax returns even if I don't actually owe any taxes. And my dad has been giving me an overview of the US tax system.
<ToxicFrog|AFK> So, my question is this:
<ToxicFrog|AFK> What the hell?
<MyCatOwnz> Bwahahahahaha!
<@Tekkie007> Always happy to lend a hand to the CAians.
<ToxicFrog|AFK> Is the IRS made up entirely of monstrosities from outside the walls of reality that are inimical to life as we know it?
<Geminii> Yes.
<pixel> Yep.
<Geminii> Next question?
<@Tekkie007> And you've caught on to our tax system amazingly fast.
<ToxicFrog|AFK> Does your government hate students? Were the tax forms copied from the crawling, N-dimensional writings of madness itself on the walls of Rl'yeh, or are they the result of some even more malevolent process?
<Geminii> Yes, yes, and yes.
* ToxicFrog|AFK flails
Comment: #tsc on nightstar