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#305903
<bucketmouse> you heard about her birthday right
<stef> no
<bucketmouse> he didn't mention it at all so she asked a mutual friend of theirs
<bucketmouse> the dude tipped her of that he was talking about throwing her a portal themed birthday party
<bucketmouse> so she gets overly excited/hopeful thinking it's going to be romantic or something
<stef> portal isn't romantic though
<bucketmouse> so on the day of she wakes up, he's at work, she walks into the kitchen
<stef> this is going to be terrible isnt it
<bucketmouse> on the counter there's a cheap dollar-store helium balloon, a joint, and a box of debbie crocker cake mix
<bucketmouse> and a scrap of paper reading: 'u will be baked then there will be cake'
Comment: she dumped him over this
#22081
<Juggs> ahaha the funniest shit is when i took 3 e's at once at a lan
<Juggs> and as far as i was concerned i could slow down time
#41867
<(dank)> so I was hanging at the bar last night, and I see what is possibly the ugliest man I've ever seen sitting close to me
<(dank)> and he's got his hand over his drink, looking around at everyone really suspiciously
<(dank)> I walk over and ask "what the hell are you doing?"
<(dank)> and he says: "someone might slip one o' those date rape drugs into my drink"
#76066
<Smokey> Me and this bitch are playing phone tag
<Smokey> Her mom answered
<Smokey> and she was like "Your going to have to call back, adam, Ive got to use the phone"
<Smokey> Then she didnt hang up, and started dialing numbers
<Smokey> Then stopped
<Smokey> and I was like, in a deeper voice "Hello"
<Smokey> And she was like "Hey, baby"
<Smokey> Then I just started laughing
<Smokey> And she was like Goddamnit
#31926
<anamexis> oh man
<anamexis> I was opening a coke, right
--> Beefpile (~mbeefpile@cloaked.wi.rr.com) has joined #themacmind
<anamexis> and it exploded
<anamexis> ALMOST all over my keyboard
<anamexis> but I got it away just in time
<-- Beefpile has quit (sick fuckers)
<anamexis> :<
#35046
<railed> overheard at a 13-year old's slumber party: "I WOULD NEVERRRR PUT ONE IN MY MOUTH!! THAT IS SOOOO GROSS!! EWWW!" 3 years later: "hmph rrph mmmph you love me right? hurf mmmph"
Comment: #quakeed
#35962
<@ecks> what the fuck
<@ecks> okay, i was just outside... this bird flew down from a tree, flew like 20 feet, took a shit on my dad's thunderbird, and then flew anothe 20 feet back to the tree
<@ecks> it couldn't fucking take a shit in the tree?
<%r0bin> Would you like to shit on your sofa?
#34040
<+Woody```> I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" She hit me.
#8562
<Minstrel> OMG!
<Minstrel> OMG!
<Minstrel> OMG!
<Minstrel> Tornado!
<Guantlet> better get to the basement mins
<Minstrel> bbl, Ima go get stoned and go outside.
#33076
<Hatter> I barely drink anymore :/
<J3anyus> that's good.
<J3anyus> i've cut down on my drinking a LOT
<J3anyus> ever since my last tequila incident.
<Hatter> I used to love tequila
<J3anyus> i love taking tequila shots
<J3anyus> i just hate the after effects :P
<richardgr> last time hatter was drunk
<richardgr> let me get it one sec
<Hatter> .,..
<richardgr> <Hatter> life is a poo poo im on my way!
<Hatter> yeah I remember thaT
Comment: #ramen on EFNet
#25094
<ljl> Linux Barbie - comes with a Tux keychain, a set of Distro on CDs, a set of linux stickers for the computer, and be dressed in a linuxy t-shirt and jeans
* val wants Linux Barbie to have recorded messages
<ljl> "lets build a custom kernel"
<val> "Compiling is easy!"
<jennyw> Of course, Linux Barbie would be programmable. But you'd have to figure out how to connect to her over a serial connection without X.
<jennyw> Then there'd be skipper, her little script kiddie sister ...
<ljl> skipper: "I 0wn3d dads Windoze box, and I can print his checks"
#112564
<@MrZodiac> You know, Ktea
<@MrZodiac> we're one big family
<@MrZodiac> We know each other on IRC
<@MrZodiac> we've seen each other's OkCupid accounts
<@MrZodiac> The next stop is a mortgage and rug rats
<@ktea> that may be the next stop for you... but I'm gettin off here
<@ktea> I don't need any IR babies
<@MrZodiac> I have a firewall, we can chat all we want without us worrying about you getting cyber pregnant
<@LabMonkey> internet relay babies... is that where I give my sperm to one node which passes it along to another node and so on until said sperm winds up at your end for insertion into your uterus?
<@MrZodiac> Pretty much
<@LabMonkey> need to acl that shit
<@LabMonkey> you match outbound sperm packets and DROP them right there?
<@MrZodiac> Egress filterting
<@MrZodiac> The condom of the internet
Comment: #bifemunix on Efnet
#1675
<MrWizard> do you even have one story where you dont smoke weed?
<priz> hmmmm i really dont think so, heh
<priz> well, actually one time catlord had to EAT a joint before we could smoke it cuz the cops were after us
#57141
<Halbred> I still remember the storys my grandfather told me about when he was in WW2, and when they stormed auswichts.
<Kurai> auschwitz.
<Kurai> i'd say "grammar nazi", but that'd be in bad taste.
#9900
<clemmy> DarkFader: warning! reading of this line triggers a hidden routine in your brain and you will forget some of the information stored there
<clemmy> DF: it worked, right?
<Costis> cl, ahahahahahahahaha
<DarkFader> what did work?
<clemmy> DF: I knew it would
<Costis> cl, ahahahaha! good joke :D
<DarkFader> WHAT?
#19972
HolyViper7: do i go outside and run, despite the fact it is 100 degrees fahrenheit and sweat my fucking balls off.....
HolyViper7: or do i sit inside and look at porn?
HolyViper7: toughie...
Lotach: tough decision
Lotach: either way you get sweaty
#39041
<@robbie> hmm, i'm roasting marshmellows with my lighter
<@robbie> is it safe to eat something with lighter fluid in it?
<@efnex> sure, just wash it down with a nice can of paint
#15624
<rtwh0> why are you upset?
<sugadon> who the hell says i was god damn upset? huh?
<rtwh0> umm never mind
<sugadon> i hate people who spread god damn rumors, muther fucker , god damn
#231863
<&WizarthAway> Gah, my fingers were on the wrong keys, my code looks like perl now!
#38399
<@FoxMulder> oh my god
<@FoxMulder> I'm sitting at my desk
<@FoxMulder> and I'm hearing the one guy say to the other "OMG! Look at that one! She's niiiice!"
<@FoxMulder> And I'm thinking "Keen...swimsuit models...maybe scantily clad brunettes"
<@FoxMulder> Then he says "The blue wire...blah blah blah"
<@FoxMulder> He was talking about a fucking ROUTER!!
#6785
<LordSuggs> and i got a new 19" monitor at work
<DeLorean> I can just imagine THAT interview; "...and how big was the monitor at your last job?"
<LordSuggs> heh
<LordSuggs> well my monitor isnt the only thing about me thats massive ;)
<DeLorean> heh
<DeLorean> ego
#55833
Vamp i s h ly: I just prefer dating men because girls are so complicated
Kick the Can 97: i concur
Kick the Can 97: except for the dating men part
#6204
<felix:#916> there is a DEAD FUCKING RAT in our server room
<felix:#916> it's like, ROTTING
<felix:#916> STUCK UNDER A CABINET AND NOBODY CAN GET TO IT
<felix:#916> 8 or 9" long, overall
<asphyxia:#916> damn packet kiddies
#31839
<Sasha> i had 12 GBs of porn... think im going to "clean-out" my c-drive tomorrow
<Sasha> see how much space i can get
<Hagane> ....
<Sasha> i like variety alright, shut up
<Hagane> wait wtf. arent you the person who goes crazy saying OMG PORNS FOR WIMPS
<Hagane> or something
<Sasha> not really...
<Sasha> nothing wrong with porn..
<Sasha> better than cybering
<Sasha> like i said, i get bored with the same thing and im too lazy to delete all my shit
<Hagane> try hentai
<Sasha> i did
<Hagane> women being fictionaly raped by tenticles never get old
<Sasha> there's only so many times before i can see the same damn tentacle
<Hagane> haha
<Sasha> hmm.. i have a feeling im going to be a bad boyfriend someday...
<Sasha> er, husband*
<Hagane> whys that?
<Sasha> <Sasha> like i said, i get bored with the same thing and im too lazy to delete all my shit
#20009
<DrWatson> MISSING: 1 motivation. Last seen the night before the last exam. Small and unimpressive. Likes to wander. Answers to the name of 'Keith'. Please email DrWatson.