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#21423
* sleepysid is away: brb getting married
#308772
<TheDancingLobster> yeah
<TheDancingLobster> i tend not to read code anyway
<TheDancingLobster> i just glare at it
#3163
<drlion> linux hacker 1: i'm bored. linux hacker 2: let's re-write the whole kernel! linux hacker 1: ok. *hackety-hack* linux hacker 1: wow, it's 0.00001% faster and takes up 1kb less space! linux hacker 2: w00t.
#205862
<@taters> note to self
<@taters> DO NOT MESS WITH WIRES WHILE COMPUTER IS RUNNING
<@taters> i just zapped the fucking hell out of myself
<@taters> it shut my computer off, and i swear i smell burning hair
<@taters> funny enough, the first thing i thought after doing it
<@taters> besides "SON OF A BITCH OUCH"
<@taters> was "Hmm, i should have updated it if i was going to end up restarting"
#300150
<kiwi_> How come when your wifes pregnant, all her female friends rub her tummy and say congratulations! But none of them rub your cock and say well done?
<Artifice> By extension, it would be your GUY friends rubbing your johnson
#9099
<UTF-Xanieth> damnit
<UTF-Xanieth> im gonna have to lube up this space bar
<UTF-Low_on_Life> :o
<UTF-Xanieth> EmptyStare, you got some of that astrolube your bro uses?
#46554
<robbi> me, christy, and carrie are all cancers
<sethism> cancers to society
#27835
<Migishu> Tai Chi - Kung Fu in bullet time
#30394
(SnapScan): hablais español?
(Picasso-): I would like TWO soft tacos and a large pepsi
#14686
<pKx> My car was running without the battery installed.. man, the alternator was spilling amps all over my driveway
<pKx> how do you clean that shit up?
<`72`Monte> lol pkx :>
<spazzer> i usually use a dirty sock
<spazzer> oh
<spazzer> wrong topic
#29448
<Atob> The internet's like the Bible but with pictures.
<Atob> And those pictures are of naked ladies.
#290462
<anon9k3> i need to remmenber to buy a card tomorrow :/
<anon9k3> but I'm not sure what kind to get
<Allah> a condolence card
<anon9k3> ass
<anon9k3> birthday
<anon9k3> I mean, I'm not sure what kind of birthday card to get for the person
<Allah> male or female?
<anon9k3> female
<Allah> then defiantly a condolence card, females hate getting older
#299822
<^Migs^> something really weird happened to me last night
<^Migs^> So I'm just sitting up in my room, right? It's about 11:30, I'm on my laptop, and the doorbell rings.
<^Migs^> I'm like, wtf, but figure it must be a neighbor returning my cat or something dumb like that.
<^Migs^> So I answer the door, and this mentally handicapped kid just barges in.
<^Migs^> He's about 13 or so, and he's just frantically looking around. He tells me I have a nice house, wants something to eat, says he returned my cat, then gets distracted by something in the kitchen, all within about 5 seconds. The kid has an attention span of about 3 seconds.
<^Migs^> I actually recognized him from church. He has some sort of palsy, but I couldn't remember his name, so I have no way to contact his parents, and I don't have a clue where he lives.
<^Migs^> Meanwhile, the kid is just tearing through my house, asking me about everything he sees. He offers to clean my family room, turns on my wife's laptop, plays with the baby toys, asks about the Wii...just anything you can imagine.
<Biff> how did he find you?
<^Migs^> I was just the random house he picked.
<^Migs^> It took a lot of convincing and keeping him focused. But finally I get him to call his sister on the phone. He refused to call his mom, because "she was asleep" but I guess his sister was okay.
<^Migs^> So I get his sister on the phone, and get an address from her, and tell them I'll drive him home.
<Biff> he was that far from home that you had to drive him?
<^Migs^> Well, I open the garage door, and try to coax him into my car. He gets all upset over this, and says he'll just go to some other house.
<^Migs^> He was about 6 blocks from home.
<^Migs^> Anyway, he bolts out the door, and starts running down the street. So I get in my car to chase after him.
<^Migs^> Fortunately, the police were out searching the neighborhood for him, too, and they managed to catch him down at the corner, so I didn't have to go very far.
<^Migs^> They called his mom and told her where we were, so we all just hung out and waited. Apparently, it's not the first time he's done this, since the cops knew him quite well.
<^Migs^> The family locks the doors and stuff, but this time he got out through the doggy door.
<^Migs^> Best. Facebook status update. Ever.
#295930
<Kaichu1> NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
<Kaichu1> OH MY GOD
<Kaichu1> I just realized something
<Kaichu1> I e-mailed one of my teachers about missing a class last week and how to make up the test
<Kaichu1> He sent back a message of what to do
<Kaichu1> And then ended with kind of a harsh warning about my grades and how it would affect me passing the course
<Kaichu1> He ended the message with jk
<Kaichu1> I just realized that JK are his initials
<Kaichu1> GODDAMMIT
<Kaichu1> I'm so screwed
<Kaichu1> brb, speeding over to the school
#301369
<shinaku> My prediction is that in another ten years we will look back on this decade with 2020 hindsight.
#15903
<HeatDeath> You should take care of your nipples. They may not seem important
now, but when you die, that's where the angels grab you.
#6697
<Tre`> I've got to find away to earn some dough
<bishoptl> sell some sperm. that's legal in the States, isn't it?
<bishoptl> or plasma - that should free up some $$$
<SHD> he's too young for selling sperm
<Tre`> I need *a bunch*
<bishoptl> sell your friends' sperm
<Tre`> that's just disgusting
<bishoptl> how badly do you want NWN
<bishoptl> I'm not saying you have to go milk them yourself
<bishoptl> just pass around the tupperware container
#1611
<tak> your mommas so dumb she set her buffer length to a minimal octal instead of puging the cache
#32584
<ImJen> I'm bored
<cax> me too
<D^KR0VV> #cyberpunx
<MikeUC> I'm bored, too.
<Johnny_R> well we wouldn't b on here if we all had thriving social lives would we!?
Comment: The sad truth.
#57701
< withnail> i bet professional wrestlers talk all in caps
#2046
<train> i'm on prison net
<train> that still works
<Hooblah> wtf
<Hooblah> prison?
<Hooblah> as in locked up n shit?
<Zebracake> heh!
<Zebracake> no, irc.prison.net
#25603
<Darth-Phenom> I remember in third grade I was taught that it's sinful to erase the word "God". But now I backspace "god" when I want to type "good" so frequently I'm obviously going to Hell.
#68742
<kaiser> how much weight can a donkey handle?
<Tsuta> kaiser: depends on the donkey
<kaiser> the standard donkey
<Tsuta> I bet anywhere from 10 to 250 lbs
<Tsuta> whytf do you need to know, anyways, kaiser?
<kaiser> i wanna know how much an assload is
#11625
<GodofDeath> Do you people think that racism is funny or something?
<GodofDeath> You are so dense because you are naive to what it's like to have racism effect you.
<\slick> I'm aware of it when a black person assume I have it good because I'm white, and that nothing bad happens to me because I'm white. WHITE PEOPLE HAVE FEELINGS TOO!
<Alice> How dare you say I don't know what it's like to be a victim of racism, I was walking down the street yesterday when a blackie bumped into me. I had to run home instantly and wash. Don't fucking talk to me about being a victim.
#1030
<iMike> what excuse do you use when you skip school
<c-rOCK> say you have a fat migraine
<c-rOCK> and cant see straight
<Guilty> Speaking of fat and not straight, wheres D1