Random | Latest | Best | Full Site
#302356
<Jesus> it gets worse as they get mobile.
<Jesus> I'm pretty convinced that's why most families are smaller: children have gotten better at cockblocking.
<pjustice> there's evolution for you
<Jesus> it's darwinian, after all -- if they can successfully prevent other procreation by their parents, they get a larger piece of the pie.
<Jesus> my 4-year old can now climb the stairs silently.
<paul> holy shit
<paul> nooooooooooo
<Jesus> I tend to wake up as he's running, silently, full bore at my side of the bed.
* Jesus nods
<Jesus> thankfully, the doors still shut.
<paul> they figure doorknobs out too, right?
<paul> they're like little velociraptors
<paul> CLEVER BOY
#305355
(RooRoo) okay so this guy I've known for like 4 years from conventions, has been trying to seduce me via webcam. cause me losing all that weight made him decide that suddenly, I'm a hot chick.
(RooRoo) I made a 'small penis' joke because he took his pants off when I told him not to
(RooRoo) and then he called his dick 'Bruce Banner'
(RooRoo) who is the guy that becomes the hulk
(RooRoo) I busted out laughing
(RooRoo) could not take him seriously at all after that
#8217
<noskill> I was banned from my junior highs network for having every printer in the school print 5000 pages of "FEED ME PAPER!" simultaneously
#302711
Mike: this morning i had speech class, there was a talent show for extra credit
Mike: at the end the teacher got up and said he'd like to show us one of his talents
Mike: asked for a couple of volunteers
Mike: "i used to practice ju jitsu..."
Mike: he then proceeded to put a student in a choke hold
#232561
* WolfLord np: Draft Punk - Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger [04:15m/128Kbps/44KHz]
<LLamaBoy> draft punk?
<LLamaBoy> is that the unfinished version?
#104056
<Spy^> Can someone help me plz ?
<ViciousPotato> As a great man once said
<ViciousPotato> If you say 'plz' because it's shorter than 'please', I'll say 'no' because it's shorter than 'yes'.
<Spy^> lol
<Spy^> can someone help me please -_-
#1240
<gb> drugs make music better
<gb> you ignorant fuck
#12070
<Meeko-Priest> I was talking to a pimpin' ghost with my friends Lisa and Candace.
<Meeko-Priest> "Are you there?" Ouija Board: NO "Why not?" Ouija Board: SEX "Oh. Goodbye"
#38030
<@littlewolf> how come all babies in anime are fat and annoying?
<ReynardTodFox> because if they were thin and sexy it would be a problem?
#27379
<Dareon> It hasn't loaded all the way yet, but there better be a schoolgirl at the end of those tentacles.
<Dareon> ...Wrong window. >_<
<Zephy> lmao
#7780
<DarthN> so.. ana... did she touch your... "railgun"?
<ana_class> dude
<ana_class> seriously stfu
<faustwork> lol
<faustwork> did you shoot plasma?
<DarthN> HAHAHAHA
<DarthN> ROFL
<chaoworky> haha
<DarthN> omg hahaha
<ana_class> are you all in second grade still?
<chaoworky> i think he fisted her with his gauntlet
<DarthN> omg
#5671
<KeeperS> is Jedi Knight 2 more sexy than me?
<Tsunamio> Yes
<Sivako|Morrowind> especially if you have the nude patch
#5856
<charon> <danybear:#bearcave> danybear is a six one, 210 lb, hairy leatherbear in Toronto, 50 years old, 6 uncut
<charon> whatever you do, don't join #bearcave asking for warez
<FishBulb_> charon: uncut means 0-day you tard
#308036
<nupanick> What part of the day do you most associate with masturbation?
<GreyMaria> awake
#120253
<sloth> i had to wear a USB cable for a belt today because my last pair of shorts broke
Comment: #down efnet
#1995
<Digested> nothing like coming back to irc after a night of partying
<Digested> and nothing like partying on a monday night and then driving home at the same time as everyone is driving to work
<Digested> and laughing at them
<Digested> :D
<MadHatter> Not everyone can live with their parents
<Digested> that's why i'm taking advantage of the situation while i still can
<Digested> the main problem with sharing a house with parents is bringing a girl home
<Digested> but it isn't really a problem for me... heh
<MadHatter> hehe
#44955
gr3ym4tt3r: NEVER MASTURBATE AFTER 5 DAYS OF NOT DOING IT.
AerialFlames: Dude, yeah
gr3ym4tt3r: Especially with no towels nearby.
AerialFlames: It goes BOOM
gr3ym4tt3r: This is gonna be fucking nasty, but I hit myself in the fucking EYE.
gr3ym4tt3r: IN. MY. EYE.
AerialFlames: ..WTF
AerialFlames: WTF
AerialFlames: POINT IT AWAY
AerialFlames: DUMBASS
gr3ym4tt3r: I did... but it was like... *twi*BLAMF*tch*
#307675
<kokoretsi>downloaded a 1925 film and spent 5 minutes looking for subs. I then realise it's a silent film :|
#125372
* Brownie12149 sets ban on Religion!*@*
<Brownie12149> if i had my own country
<Brownie12149> i would be want to able to control it through IRC commands
#29052
<czechreck> Hey.. I was totally shit faced, I could have impreagnated my dog and not known untill I got an ugly litter
#3999
<Veers> Welcome to insomnia, Tony. Even Masturbation won't work right.
#31248
<Alb-guy> I just caught my 15 year old girl, masturbating with a vibrating 'control pad' on a Nintendo Gamecube. Now I am banning this vibrator from my household, but I am concerned about other teenagers who are using these products as masturbation aids.
#2514
<steve|zzz> i had this dream
<steve|zzz> i was beating off
<steve|zzz> and my penis was circumsised
<steve|zzz> and it was so big i could use 2 hands
<steve|zzz> best dream i ever had
#6699
<dbaker> Whoever thinks rc5-64 will be cracked in 50 years is an idiot.
<dbaker> It'll be cracked before the end of 1998.
#33911
<@Neon[UK]> <=D
<@Rjx> penis flower?
<@Neon[UK]> happy hat >:|