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#60175
<NIM^Outithj> I parked the car and turned to her, by the time I turned my head her shirt was already half off
<NIM^Outithj> And she was like Touch my breast
<NIM^Outithj> I was like what?
<NIM^Outithj> She was like Touch my tits
<NIM^Outithj> so I started the car and drove her home
<Malawar> ...
<[JS]-nowhere> well that was anti-climatic
<NIM^Outithj> Once I started driving home she started on this complex like 'WTF, IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME? IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY TITS? OMG THERES SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME ISN'T THERE... ETC...'
<NIM^Outithj> So to shut her up, I reached over and grabbed one, and sweezed it twice, and on each squeeze I made the hook sound skeeter from that cartoon doug used to make
<NIM^Outithj> then put both hands back on the wheel like nothing had just happened :p
Comment: #empiresmod / gamesurge
#16977
<Uzzie> i'm sueing herbal essences
<Uzzie> i didn't get orgasms
#425
* Mootar is away, watching porn [Pants:OFF] [Hands:ON]
#301289
<JON> my g/f has a new friend. Cleverbot.com laaaaame =D
<KAT> I asked it: How should I lose weight?
<JON> Oh?
<KAT> And it responded with "With a chainsaw."
#305364
<k2OS> whaddayaknow.. it's the end of the world.. Duke Nuke'em Forever is going to be released on may the 3rd...
<k2OS> [link to official site]
<Shusoran> hey Ted, k2
<Shusoran> yeah, finally
<Shusoran> the world will end
<TedEBear> so, where's the betting pool on it not actually coming out? <laugh>
<Shusoran> I'm sure it will
<Shusoran> but I want them to delay it one more time
<Shusoran> and say it's for old time's sake
#9974
Brianetta_afe > There's this other girl, who says she "values out friendship but..."
Brianetta_afe > and this continues:
Brianetta_afe > "... I wish it was more."
Josh_afe > lol, she's talking about your co...oh, never mind.
#980
<SYch0> ok
<SYch0> a word of warning:
<SYch0> never try to masturbate with a bandaid on
<SYch0> :(
<SYch0> cuz you might as well take a belt sander to your dick
<blazemore> what the fuck, sych0
<SYch0> :D
#40181
<DEATH> i have a bloody 16:10 screen now
<DEATH> the way some games look could compete with goatse in terms of stretchiness
#13711
<theSonarch> is there a command for turning a number into a string representation of a number?
<Aximili> yes
<Aximili> /msg Aximili (yournickservpassword)
#118822
cycon365: autistic kids rock
cycon365: we're all afraid of him shooting us, so we take that into account and just try to talk and joke with him
cycon365: he talked with us and our teacher and kept making "your mom" jokes
kyo212: lawl
cycon365: we got tired of him talking in general so we tried to curb his "mom" jokes
cycon365: so we were like, "dude, you shouldn't make fun of people's moms, my mom could be dead"
cycon365: and the kid goes, "no she's not", so i look at him and go, "oh yeah, how do you know"
cycon365: and he quickly replies, "cuz she was awesome in bed last night"
kyo212: gawd, you got pwned by an autistic kid
#8769
<Mat> all chicks are whores, they just charge differently
<Tippytoes> mat do you have a girlfriend?
<Mat> what do you think ;)
<NuTCAsE> i havn't heard him use the word bitch recently
<NuTCAsE> so i'm going with "no"
#5805
<evenpar123> I am so going to be moderated for that last comment...
<mightyflo> console wars are stupid. people that get involved with console wars are even stupidder
<evenpar123> Console wars? I was just giving some information, and making fun of the fact that his parents don't love each other anymore
#36290
<GD> Florida Law: You may not kiss your wife's breasts.
<Jhaelyrr> Florida sucks.
Comment: #stratics
#2854
<Strafer> If you get collisions on a wireless LAN, do you see sparks in mid-air?
#309120
<chernobyl> Last night, Chewbacca and I were having a conversation in my billion dollar mansion about how much we hate people who lie on the Internet...
<mabus> well there's lying, and then there's exaggerating about your wife and apartment
#8745
<fraggle> when i typed lesbian i almost typed debian
#301051
<Corey> Why is everyone in It's a Wonderful Life so stupid?
<Corey> Main character: Oh, I lost some money, got angry at my family and got hit by a guy. I DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE.
<Corey> Clarence: I can show you how life was if you never existed.
<Corey> Main character: Why does nobody recognize me?!
<Corey> Clarence: Because in this reality, you don't exist.
<Corey> Main character: My wife and mother don't know me!
<Corey> Clarence: You.... don't exist.
<Corey> Main character: Why's the town have a different name?!
<Corey> Clarence: YOU. DON'T. EXIST.
<Corey> Main character: Where did my kids go?!
<Corey> Clarence: Fuck it, jump off the bridge, I don't care.
#152644
<Crucial> whats a quick way to push ipconfig /release, ipconfig /renew to 50 or
so workstations
<Mo> cycle power to the building
#16802
<NobleKale> old friend emails me with 'I have two special consideration exams next week. what do I study for them?'
<NobleKale> my reply: 'RTFM'
#26340
<+Camus> im palazed!
<+Fleebis> Palazed?
<+Fleebis> Paralyzed?
<+Camus> yea
<+Camus> close
<+Camus> kinda
<+Camus> i just type in the first letter
<+Camus> and hit a couple keys
<+Fleebis> oh, i underktnjd
#2501
<FuseGirl> life is like a toilet roll, when it's near the end, you panic
#28884
<@kingmob> oh, yes, the poor downtrodden welsh.
<@kingmob> you'd think they'd be grateful for the occupiers' gift of vowels.
#20900
<SomeGuy> My computer has no firewalls. It is protected by a thin layer of cheese
<screevo> Well, thats gouda, someguy
<SomeGuy> RIMSHOT!
<Treen> ...
<screevo> what type of cheese?
<SomeGuy> Wisconsin Cheddar
<screevo> heh. thats very sharp of you
<screevo> being the religious guy I am, i use swiss
* SomeGuy snorts
<screevo> I like it holy, ya know.
<SomeGuy> oh the puns
<screevo> when I was more of an emokid, i used bleu cheese...it seemed to fit the mood.
<screevo> one day, i wondered what happened if I took the cheese protection off, but was too scared to try
<screevo> so eventually, i munsteared up the courage to do it...
<SomeGuy> oh my god
<Treen> damn you. damn you straight to hell.
* SomeGuy Quit (Quit: Avante!)
<screevo> think we were too...cheesey for him?
#235987
<ousti> I'm yelling at you in Korean right now, but you can't hear me!
<Raiden> Are you going "kekekekekeke Zerg rush ^________^"
#2024
<Lee-Ham> Bush is a raging imbecile. It's times like this I wish I could live on the moon and take potshots at Earth with a potato gun.