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#1193
<|Chris> i want you to setup a word substitution in your head
<|Chris> whenever you see the term "wrestling," i want you to think, "white trash"
#16472
<AkumaUsagi> because every scoobie doo episode could have been 1 minute long if only someone would have eventually bought a gun.
#26371
fallouswk > bwahahahaha. coworker comes in with a problem, gets halfway into the explanation and then pauses and says "umm, it smells like you've been farting in here" "yes, I have" "I'm going to leave now" "I think that would be best"
#50877
<lotusleaf> I wish someone would make a pair of sunglasses which when worn would transform all of the sights into live ascii
#300628
<ttvd> my gf said if we build more solar panels the sun energy will be consumed faster o.O
<FOXX> Dump her.
<ttvd> no she's pretty smart actually.
<ttvd> although i remember she asked me how deaf read... hmm
<FOXX> Cognitive dissonance there, ttvd?
#7327
<ILLSKILLZ00> what would having a computer in my pool acomplish?
<sKratch zEro> potential death to people swimming in it
#52830
ryeenae: what's up with Vossoughi's wierd accent?
mentalpeter1212: it's Iranian
ryeenae: so, where is she from? Irania?
mentalpeter1212: it's Iran, dipshit
#37081
<Sebbe> When I was 19 I somehow wound up dating a 23-year-old (which was awesome at the time). She had a one-year-old daughter, but the fact that I was nailing an older woman 4 or 5 times a week overshadowed any problems I had with dating someone with a kid.
<Sebbe> One night we were going at it pretty heavy when her daughter discovered how to get over the baby gate. We never heard her sneak down the hall and into the bedroom. We also never heard her go into her mothers nightstand and pull out an 8 inch red rubber dildo. I look over and see this girl standing there with smile on her face and the dildo raised high over her head. Realizing what was about to happen I started to say something, but it was too late...
<Sebbe> *THWACK*
<Sebbe> She brought it down hard on my face, me barely comprehending what the hell was going on. I managed to get it away from her and her mother took her back to her room, but the mood was long dead. The relationship didn't last too long after that
#19313
Red-Fraggle> y'know, I've said this before, and I'm saying it again, a scrotum would make a DAMN fine change purse.
#436
<HomerJ> I had this computer built for this guy, all ready to go...so I walk to where my mom took my car, and when I get back, out cat sneezed on the board and fried it
#34216
<slippy^> i am evi|
<mr-cow> what you done now?
<slippy^> well
<slippy^> i had a thought.
<slippy^> sat on my desk is a "clients" pc
<slippy^> would it be wrong of me to install something that screwed it every few months, thus insuring work?
* slippy^ installs win98
#139339
<Iced_Plasma> I was at work at the retirement community
<Iced_Plasma> and some old guy is talking to me about religion
<Iced_Plasma> and he looks aty me and says
<Iced_Plasma> "When do you think Jesus will come?"
<Iced_Plasma> and I said
<Iced_Plasma> "When he climaxes"
<Iced_Plasma> and he just stared at me in shock and rage
#16719
<eugenics/#help> hi, i was going to search for how to cook an omlette online.. but i dont know how to spell it
#20268
<Torn> WHAT ABOUT WE CHANGE TOPIC, BECAUSE I DON'T GET WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT
<Bloodshedder> torn's feeble mind cannot understand what we are saying
<ph`> I agree with torn
#22333
<Jubei-> sup nigs
<kaihn[afk]> :o
<Jubei-> i mean..
<Jubei-> Hello fine gentlemen, how are you this fine morning?
#37391
<asdfasdf> You know, I was on this plane once. And I'm sittin' there and the captain comes on and is like, "We'll be cruising at 35,000 feet," and does his thing, then he puts the mike down but forgets to turn it off. Then he says, "Man, all I want right now is a blow-job and a cup of coffee." So the stewardess goes runnin' up towards the cock-pit to tell him the mic's still on, and this guy in the back of the plane goes, "Don't forget the coffee!"
#304896
<red_delicious> slenderbot, you're growing up so fast!
<SlenderBot> I'LL PREPARE A HUNDRED COFFINS.
#304899
<dd7> i think newegg forgot to put my item in the package
<dd7> all they sent was packing peanuts
<dd7> i'm not exactly upset; they're fun to play with and stuff
<dd7> but i sure could have used that hard drive
#7429
<@a> i should get "butt plug" tattooed on my cock
#50342
<Shinji> Alright, let's put it this way.
<Shinji> Your body is a mansion, and your white blood cells keep it neat and tidy. AIDS comes along, and your WBCs go on vacation and AIDS is left over to watch the place.
<Shinji> They throw House Party 7
<Shinji> And invite all their disease friends for a wild and crazy time, trashing your body in the process
<Link> Then the whities come home and go "WTF!?"
<Shinji> The film goes direct to video and doesn't sell
<Shinji> THE END.
#4847
<Gersh> wow
<Gersh> I rule
<Gersh> I made one of my ex's cry over aim
<Gersh> dammit I wish she had a webcam
#11123
<Spike> You know what I want to do? I want to go on eBay and buy all the
souvenier pieces of the Berlin wall, then reconstruct it along the Mexican border
#12151
* @Pretsel wants a little robot which will clean floors and vacumn rooms :/
<Mad-Cow> You can get them
<@Pretsel> Yeah but I'd imagine they'd be expensive :D
<Mad-Cow> It'll cost you a few million but you can get em
<@Pretsel> Woah Woah... I don't want a wife...
#5500
<Hahn> Zara, have you ever killed anyone with a crowbar during a soccer riot?
<Zaratustra> Didn't have the chance.
<Hahn> That sounds like an excuse to me.
#32461
<D-viant> my gf told me not ot get her a valentines present
<D-viant> that means I have to get her one
<D-viant> and shes not getting me one
<D-viant> :(