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#214191
<Gnome> Yo momma so fat, Atlas got confused, dropped the earth, and picked her up
#14355
<Shelstra> :((
<Shelstra> my poor fishie
<|KazzA|> :o what happened
<Shelstra> nothing but...
<Shelstra> one of his eyes is black
<Shelstra> i think he might be blind :(
<|KazzA|> aww
<Shelstra> we only just noticed it
<Mousey> like it cares anyway
<Mousey> theres not much to see
<staticx> every three seconds it will say 'holyfuck, i can only see out of one eye...'
#151878
process hijack: why do they ship computers with norton on them?
process hijack: thats like shipping toilets with shit already in them
lbreeves2: lmfao
lbreeves2: so whats mcafee? shipping them with stagnant piss in there?
process hijack: yeah something alot the lines of that
#301482
<Emerald> During the hurricane of 1955 that hit Connecticut, my grandfather's neighbors were on vacation. Afterward, he sent them the following telegram, in its entirety: "What do you want me to do with your roof?"
#299844
<Jafet> How the hell does youtube order its comments anyway?
<FauxFaux> Most annoying first.
#7713
<TonyD> you hatiater
<DamianMor> What on earth is a hatiater?
<TonyD> it's a word I just made up
<TonyD> someone who radiates hate
#72026
<LPF> sara, are you in a relationship?
<kitchen> lpf must be new.
<sarala> LPF, are you being serious?
<LPF> ...have I missed something here?
<sarala> Rjx is my husband
<kitchen> you're married now?
<Rjx> we're married now?
#34659
<l0y4l153r> i got some questions about developing plugins for your software...
<Segosa> ah, ok, what language?
<l0y4l153r> english
#5611
<+straylight> Limp Bizket stole their music from black people... but black people were going to throw it away anyway.
#71222
< Syntacs> It's a shame Nintendo isn't releasing today, because they could have an advertising campaign that said "Happy Hallowiin! Don't forget to trick or twiit!", and we'd all be like "Hah! What a delightful pun from the loveable and eccentric Japanese.", and Sony would say "Uh, Happy Thanksps3ing. Err. Shit."
#305413
<+Meow> what's the alternative to html tables?
<+slew> html chairs
Comment: irc.p2p-network.net / #zomgwtfbbq
#33402
Frylock: that was the best conversation ever!
Pie: what was?
Frylock: i was getting stoned at a friends house last night, so i called him a few hours ago to pick me up and i asked where he was and he says "jail, where are you?"
Pie: lol
Frylock: "WHAT?!" "I'm in jail, the place with the cops and the prisoners"
Pie: lol o_o
Comment: True Story...He got out the same night.
#14817
<Ziggy> anyone know where i can download ICQ?
<Assmann> ziggy get on icq ill send it to u
<Ziggy> dude are you a fucking moron?
#1141
[D1] wait, vinyl players are called turntables too?
#292278
<Royall> Being famous means your name isn't underlined in red when you type it in Microsoft Word
#20052
<Pozzi> My comments will be well structured, mature and on topic at all times.
<Pozzi> Now fuck you all!
#14632
<Adie> I could see pinching pain but fire pain?
<Adie> owwwie
<Cel|Work> its quick
<HeiWork> you just need to moisten the breast a little so the vaporizing liquid absorbs the heat instead of the breast
<HeiWork> really, there's hard scientific reasons for why i need to lick your titties
#20136
<Beige> It's one o'clock.
<Beige> Do you know where your children are?
<Apollyon> In my testes.
#5443
<Goku> :O
<kepler> hold that face goku
*kepler unzips
*aegis runs away
#31567
<DasKrav> I was correcting tests for student service a few weeks ago
<DasKrav> And while correcting a geometry test, I got to the question "What is the collision of three planes called?" (The answer was "a point")
<DasKrav> the kid put "A disaster"
<DasKrav> I didn't take off points >:]
#59780
<Toba> how can you be decidedly and forcefully indifferent?
<est> I DON'T CARE
Comment: #qc
#20395
<@PHiZ> "If you can't keep it in your pants, keep it in the family."
<@Riyan|Work> "one eyed mutant children welcome here"
#29104
<wfg> at one place I worked, someone had an "rm -fr" in a build script for their software development team...the makefile was set up wrong so that it would start in / and do the rm -fr...and it traversed /net, which was the automounter directory.
<wfg> Blew away 40 servers before the build guy thought to wonder why his make was taking six hours.
#300934
<Computer> dude so i locked my keys in my car the other day at school.. asked this girl if i could borrow her phone (because my phone was locked in my car). she overheard me asking someone to come help me get my car unlocked, and is like "hey i have all that stuff in my car dont worry about it"
<Computer> this crazy tatooed girl has this car-theft kit in her back seatt
<Computer> i dont even go with her, she asks what kind of car i have and generally where it is, and says BRB
<Computer> comes back and is like hey its open
<Computer> and im like what? are you sure it was the right car?
<Computer> she looks at me like "oh crap, youre right"
<Computer> i should have got her phone number or something
Comment: freenode, #defocus
#301607
<Mabbo> So, last night I discovered that my flatmate is functionally retarded
<Mabbo> Matt asked "Wait, which one is actually a star, the sun or the moon?"
<Mabbo> Keeping in mind, this is a guy who is in uni to become a primary school teacher.
<stiglet> Was he drunk?
<Mabbo> Stone sobre.
<Mabbo> Ben and I laughed, thinking he was joking
<Mabbo> he just stared back at us. "Seriously, I know one of them is, but which one?"
<Happysuggs> ...
<Happysuggs> SPECIAL
<Mabbo> I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps the standards to get into Uni of Edinburgh aren't what they were made out to be.