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#61349
<SenioR> whahahah fravec! I fucked your mother!!
<@Fravec> Dad, buzz off, I'm talking to friends here...
Comment: never teach your dad how to use IRC
#22279
<skie`> the guy who sits next to me in french class had a friend that was going through CS in college, so we were talking about that... probably 4 or 5 people turn around and say "What the hell, colleges have a CounterStrike department now?"
#53836
<NPR> HEY
<NPR> NICE HOUSE
<NPR> BE A REAL SHAME IF SOMETHING HAPPENED TO IT
<NPR> YOU NEED PROTECTION IS WHAT I'M SAYING
<NPR> "OOPS" INSURANCE
<NPR> THE SORT OF PROTECTION THAT ONLY A PUBLIC RADIO SERVICE CAN OFFER
* NPR knocks over your lamp
<NPR> OTHERWISE ACCIDENTS HAPPEN
<NPR> YA FOLLOW!?
#27444
<noddy> i thought so
<noddy> but
<noddy> apparently
<noddy> it like a CAT scan
<noddy> coincidence??
<Mortarion> and this is why noddy is so high above everyone else on the stats!
<Mortarion> using 5 lines to say what i would have said in one!
<noddy> bugger
<noddy> i've been sussed
<noddy> :(
#306012
panjohnl: Bad joke time! So Helium walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
panjohnl: Helium doesn't react.
panRJK: you know what I say to that?
panRJK: He He He
#309372
<Killswitch> 1. Go to 3 random YouTube videos
<Killswitch> 2. Write "I'm pretty sure this is trance, not house."
<Killswitch> 3. Wait for a war to start.
<_tca> oh hey look another american trying to start wars for no reason
#7693
<Phuser> fuck me.
<FadeJade> Why
<Phuser> i have no good reason
#36743
<+Nyschashi-Seikun> i love my mom but i would never admit it to anyone
<+Nyschashi-Seikun> wait
<+Nyschashi-Seikun> fuck
#1636
<DragonRe> gabe: what i did to you was love goddamit
<gabe> maybe in alabama.
#55760
<CtrlAltDestroy> Last week, I was working at Steak 'n Shake
<CtrlAltDestroy> We had a water main break outside, so they shut off the water to our store
<CtrlAltDestroy> We had to shut down the dining room because of a health code
<CtrlAltDestroy> Anyway, during that time, we got a prank call.
<CtrlAltDestroy> This dude calls up and he's like "Hey guys! Is your fountain running?!"
<CtrlAltDestroy> Of course, I had to say "Not right now, we don't have water because of a main break."
<CtrlAltDestroy> Then he just goes "Oh..." *Click*
#16665
<@drew> my uterus is bleeding
<@cognac> drew, you don't have a uterus
<@drew> oh
#68324
<GoronZ> If I saw a person dress up as an Elf tomorrow I'm gonna shoot them.
<Ragnarok> Yes, I too would be angry seeing the past tense in the future.
#5746
<Udeth> my mother came in and demanded that I'd move shit off my floor, so she could wash my room tomorrow, because it smells rotten in here.
<Udeth> i can't smell shit.
<ToRMeNTeD> well if theres shit on the floor no wonder it smells rotten
#23884
<Amuck50> well....you know the aliens ALWAYS land in america.....because we're the only ones with crop fields......we bombed everyone elses
#227
<Amanda`> We're going to have matching motherboards and processors
<timmo> AMANDA: NOW THAT IS THE TYPE OF WEIRD SHIT IM TALKING ABOUT
<timmo> MOST WOMEN WANT MATCHING SHEETS AND SHIT
<timmo> weirdo
#311619
<@Wilber> Activity on gimpissues: Shortcut Ovelapping <https://gitlab.gnome.org/GNOME/gimp/issues/2183>
<gitlab-bot> Wilber: Error: GNOME: Impossible to get infos for GNOME/gimp issue 2183: 404: 404 Not found
<@Wilber> gitlab-bot: Error: "Error:" is not a valid command.
<gitlab-bot> Wilber: Error: "Error:" is not a valid command.
<@Wilber> gitlab-bot: Error: "Error:" is not a valid command.
<gitlab-bot> Wilber: Error: "Error:" is not a valid command.
<@Wilber> gitlab-bot: Error: "Error:" is not a valid command.
<gitlab-bot> Wilber: Error: "Error:" is not a valid command.
<@Wilber> gitlab-bot: Error: "Error:" is not a valid command.
<gitlab-bot> Wilber: Error: "Error:" is not a valid command.
<@Wilber> gitlab-bot: Error: "Error:" is not a valid command.
<gitlab-bot> Wilber: Error: "Error:" is not a valid command.
<@Wilber> gitlab-bot: You've given me 5 invalid commands within the last minute; I'm now ignoring you for 10 minutes.
<gitlab-bot> Wilber: You've given me 5 invalid commands within the last 60 seconds; I'm now ignoring you for 10 minutes.
<ankh> haha
Comment: #gimp
#72713
<InsomniA> Heh... My Prof in Theorem proving class threw out some kid...
<InsomniA> He was talking about his friends telling him to have sex with some chick.
<InsomniA> And the Prof's like "If I asked you to have sex with me, would you!?"
<InsomniA> At which point the kid starts screaming "REDUCTIO AD ABSURDUM!!!"
#310769
<Taisa> Hey Dan would it be creepy and/or manipulative to try and hit up my ex around the time her menstrual cycle normally clocks at "hornier than usual" or is that just me doing what nature expects me to do
<Rapestove> that sounds like both
<Dan_Maku> Well given you know about it and have tipped your hand towards using it, the former
<Doktor_Q> Those two aren't mutually exclusive at all
<Dan_Maku> Also that
<Dan_Maku> If you're horny just be honest with her about it
<Dan_Maku> ...And maybe don't mention that you keep tabs on her fucking menstural cycle
<Doktor_Q> Nature half expects you to kill your competition's children, this is considered a bad thing today
<Ursarkar_E_Creed> Social Minmaxing and sociopathy go hand in hand
<Taisa> I do like minmaxing...
#311141
<slidercrank> is that true that Spanish programmers have to write ¡ along with ! in their code? such as "while (¡var!) {..}" The same with the ternary operator: a=¿b>0? b; -b;
Comment: ##c++:
#307637
<Knack> i've just had someone from newcastle trying to say 8 A A over the phone
<Knack> took about 5 attempts until i understood him
<ZoFreX> eight alpha alpha
<ZoFreX> what's the problem :P
<retrominge> Knack: eeeet, eeeee, eeeee?
<retrominge> :D
<Knack> sounded like he was saying hay hay hay
Comment: #reddit-uk
#47394
<eosyn> 90% of Canada's 31,000,000 citizens live within 100 miles of the U.S. border.
<+Dulak> How wide is canada?
<IdiotStic> depends on the map. about 14 inches on this one :)
Comment: #LinuxGeneration
#15024
<river> actually...i don't think there are many levels of monogamy
<river> it's a boolean thing
#324
<anihil8r> hmm.. when you were in school did they ever say that you were special?
#57944
<@stunty> i gave my gf 100 bux to buy me a dvd play that played divx and xvid
<@stunty> she comes back with a small pink dvd player
<@stunty> and said she saved me 50 bux
#301934
(5:06:23 AM) b2d4c3e5: I just remembered that I invented the Roger Klotz smiley when I was 17. It is my crowning achievement.
(5:06:24 AM) Liana <AUTO-REPLY>: Your IM has been sent to my mobile device. When I receive it, I will be able to reply. Thanks for your IM! Want your IMs forwarded to your phone? Click here
(5:06:27 AM) b2d4c3e5: #:^)
(5:08:44 AM) Liana: eric i have like 3 finals today i told you
(5:09:59 AM) Liana: i cant believe you woke me up for this
(5:11:44 AM) Liana: go fuck yourself
(5:13:03 AM) b2d4c3e5: #:^(