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#56878
<Turtles> I really wouldn't mind if an old lady took a dump on my chest.
<Lovespuds> ...
<Lovespuds> ...Dude.
<Turtles> Er.
<Turtles> That was the wrong window.
<Lovespuds> Turtles, there is no such thing as the right window for that.
#209693
<shidobu> oh god, I feel like I'm in elementary school
<shidobu> the building management just informed us that there's going to be a firedrill on friday morning
<shidobu> and in exchange for our cooperation, there will be icecream waiting outside the building
<rumblerob> if all your coworkers have perfect attendance do they get a pizza party?
<shidobu> I can only hope
#12939
<fm> i've had three girls today IM me and tell me that they like me.
<fm> then they said april fools and signed off.
#32754
* Quits: t0t0 (Quit: Sometimes I dream about being caried off by a big giant squirrel. Does that make me a nut?)
Comment: Yes, it does
#310136
<whelp> mom called me and said her series got deleted from torrents and asked me to fix it. i said dont vote putin next time
Comment: whelp is russian
#224084
<hci> life lesson: never perform oral sex before visiting the dentist without brushing your teeth first. especially if you're dating the dentist's daughter
#310652
<e7> I'm a micromillionaire; the Illinois lottery paid me $1
#309841
< j0h> Ive been drunk for nearly 2 weeks but jrvc might have a problem.
<@LinearInterpol> j0h: that's called being a system administrator.
#10714
<Joe_> <DarkVeng> if you wanna just be a yesman, there are thousands of jobs in corporate amercia that have better hours and better pay for less work <-- where are they?
<Technogeek> Enron.
#44410
Kodan882: I DID NOT JUST MAKE THAT TYPO
Kodan882: i went to look up Breastplate on wikipedia
Kodan882: but i instead typed Beastality
Kodan882: FUCK
DragonmasterJB0: HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DragonmasterJB0: Gogo Freud.
#11185
<[AFT]^Kempi> what really got her mad was....
<[AFT]^Kempi> when i was burning a CD and got up from sex 1/2 way through and changed the cd
<[AFT]^Kempi> she didn't talk to me for a while
#1259
<Spike-Man> #myass is pretty cool.
<Spike-Man> Who wants to come in #myass?
#34209
<Pookablu> Ron Dwight, the author of the RAR compression format, passed away a few days ago.
<ev> he was found in several same-size pieces and had to be combined to put him in the coffin
#32764
<jwz> I am not making this up:
<jwz> "Dear Sir,
<jwz> My name is SAMUEL JACKSON . I am the Family private
<jwz> Secretary/legal adviser to the former President of Liberia
<jwz> Charles Taylor before he was forced out of power and sent on exile in
<jwz> Nigeria."
<jwz> nowhere in this spam do the words "bad mother fucker" appear
<jeriko> a fake!
#26432
<kuribo> either this CD player is possessed or it's trying to tell me to take out this Avril Lavigne CD
<kuribo> i would think it was these cheap ass CDrs i bought
<kuribo> but my christina aguilera retail CD does it too
<MikeSweetser> Ted, every insight into your CD collection reveals more of a damaged, lonely man. :)
#8902
<DL|horses> Death to all who oppose me!
* Warlord dies
#1729
<blinkchik> can i become a bot and how??
#11261
* Tomko slaps saber with Oprah's clitoris, which resembles some kind of gnarled and pulsating sweet potato
<ducks> WTF
#46267
<rjamorim> I don't think he was trying to troll.
<rjamorim> He was being genuinely ignorant and clueless.
#4502
<Khross|Zzz> You can't have my precious cock ring.
<nilBnW|Zzz> You'll have to pry it from my cold, dead cock!!
#308006
<dr2chase> As I said to someone else, back when the Lite-Brite Mooninites panicked the Boston Police, the first rule of making a bomb, is to not make it look like a bomb.
<dr2chase> That's why IEDs get buried, stuffed into dead dogs, what have you. Around here, if you wanted to hide a bomb in plain sight, you'd stick it in a crumpled Dunkin Donuts bag.
<anony> Isn't a Dunkin Donuts bag the first place a cop would look?
#31010
<chaz> When I was 4 or 5.
<chaz> My parents had a computer (Btw my dad built his 1st one before I was even born) and it had a dos shell program that booted and was called menu
<chaz> menu listed all your programs
<chaz> and games and stuff
<chaz> well, This program has parental controls, etc, so the setup program was password proteected
<chaz> I hacked to the dos shell, and figured out the admin executable and changed the settings (hey I was 4.. that was hacking back then)
<chaz> all for the purpose of naming my sisters games.. 'Michelles games suck' and my games 'Charles games Rule'
<chaz> and take away her favorite game
<chaz> out of her list.
<evee> hahha, you're mean!!!
<chaz> shebeat me up a lot.
#19560
<Keltus> 1 year ago, I was sitting here programming my web browser using the WebBrowser control in Visual Basic.... thought C++ was too l33t for me :p
<Keltus> I wish I could go back in time and impress the hell out of myself
#56763
<Nero> ZXLink, I learned something today
<Nero> When someone asks you "you know what's retarded?"
<Nero> The correct response is "What?"
<Nero> Not "Kids with Down syndrome"
#176291
<Pyro> my desk is complete I think
<Chroder> i cant believe it took you 3 days to build an ikea desk