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#38363
<rhapsody> who's good with perl?
<omnivector> rhapsody: that's like saying who's good with sodomy
<rhapsody> oh
<rhapsody> hey will
<rhapsody> help me with a perl problem
<doompie> gah fuck you.
#306334
<Chaos341> oh my god
<Chaos341> In the 3DS remake of Metal Gear Solid Snake Eater
<Chaos341> You are able to use the 3DS's built in camera to take a picture and make that picture into camouflage pattern
<Chaos341> So many dick patterns will be made
#13483
<DjLizard> click HERE for free Chocobo porn.
<DET> all I got was channel info
<DjLizard> :D
<DjLizard> well, click here for free channel info.
#302145
< incluye> Oh my fucking are you serious
< incluye> Today's the day for Lesson 4.04 in Modern World Studies in my online course.
< incluye> GUESS WHAT ERROR I GET WHEN I GO TO IT
#2424
<c-rOCK> so I wonder if its possible to become SO good at masturbating, sex becomes obsolete. Like you could be fucking a girl, and just go "man this is weak, wheres my right hand at" because pussy simply isnt up to par with your masturbation skills.
#295827
<paul> my mom was suspected of child abuse by my pediatrician as a kid
<paul> she swore up and down i wasn't being abused
<paul> the doctor was sceptical
<paul> they went out into the waiting room where I was
<paul> mom was like "paul, come here!"
<paul> I get up, look at her instead of where I was going, and run full tilt into a pole
<paul> doctor's like "sorry maam, you had to see this from my position"
#4013
<Joshua> how's the recording going?
<Joshua> or the whole band thing i guess... haven't heard much as of late...
<Lexx> like a dead paraplegic snail, nailed to a dead paraplegic badger that has been cemented into the foundations of a building
<Joshua> umm... was the snail dead before it was nailed to the badger?
<Lexx> they were both stillborn
<Lexx> as were their parents
<Alamias> Sounds like my sex life
<Joshua> wow...
#33242
<wild-> Rosie weds longtime girlfriend, slams Bush
<repp0r> ...
<repp0r> :x
<splice> yeah you and rosie make great allies
<repp0r> I had to read that twice to get the joke.
<repp0r> I was actually going to make the joke, but then I realized it had already been done.
<repp0r> wild, in all his CTRL+V greatness, is quite crafty.
Comment: #ramen on EFNet
#46314
Jaeger2288: well its tired ok im late
longlivemarneus: lol
Jaeger2288: or whatever i meant to say just then
#44405
<Anomaly> I have a problem with my printer, can anybody help?
<Anomaly> I was printing out a photograph but the sun and the sky were messed up, they were black and purple
*** starwarsgamer has joined #outboards
<Galaxy Mage> Apparantly, your cyan-hole and your yellow-hole are clogged, but your magenta-hole and your black-hole are fine.
*** starwarsgamer has quit (sick fuckers)
<Galaxy Mage> ...
#215554
conquistador: seriously i think i've seen atleast 25% of all the amateur lesbian porn in the world in the past 48hrs
conquistador: my dick isn't even chaffing anymore and if i robbed a bank they wouldn't get any prints
#30938
<Caffeine> i was dared to go buy lube
<Caffeine> so i went with my best friend/housemate and talked about double ended dildos while hugging her in the checkout line with ky in my hand
<Caffeine> the cashier asked me 'how was your day'
<Caffeine> i said 'it will be better once i get this hunny home'
<Caffeine> her jaw dropped
Comment: Caffeine is female.
#5805
<evenpar123> I am so going to be moderated for that last comment...
<mightyflo> console wars are stupid. people that get involved with console wars are even stupidder
<evenpar123> Console wars? I was just giving some information, and making fun of the fact that his parents don't love each other anymore
#49882
<utonium> * QUESTION * 302975 of 341350, worth 10 points: how many equal sides are there on a scalene triangle?
<utonium> Answer: ....
<mannyt> four
<utonium> Answer: .o..
<Missl337> four
<witchyp00> 4
<Missl337> none
<Missl337> duh
#16808
<[OKW]Buchwald> is it "cheating" on your girlfriend if you invite a couple of girls over to get naked, and you end up jerking off on to their tits, but you never touch them?
<[SS]Corky> NO!
<[SS]Corky> did this happen?
<[OKW]Buchwald> well, gimme a few minutes :)
#13148
[aphr0] do hospitals let you keep the umbilical cord?
[aphr0] I'ma have my kid's cord made into a die
[aphr0] tie
[aphr0] or freeze it and tan it and make it into a cane
[aphr0] give it to my kid when he learns to walk so he can walk around and pimp bitches with his umbilical cord
#11237
<Lord_Igsel> i remember an 11 year old kid on irc once, he had 'found out' about masturbation, and we were all laughing at him and things like "wooww what's it like how did you do itt' and then he said 'a friend showed me. i rubbed his dick, he rubbed mine.'
<Lord_Igsel> and then we got scared. :D
#28716
<Pioneer> [ Lazesharp ] guess what i found
<Lazesharp> erm
<Lazesharp> hang on, i know this one
<Lazesharp> your penis?
#51227
Dead Like One: You know, I've learned something from watching Episode III with Kenny.
A love revisited: Oh?
Dead Like One: "Don't mistreat droids." "Never trust a clone." "Don't make deals with sith lords."
Dead Like One: Things that will never help me.
A love revisited: Replace droids with menial laborers, clone with Catholic, and sith lords with cokeheads, and you've got some serious life lessons there.
#8544
<timovgod> why is it that not 10 minutes after they put the straight-jacket on my nuts start to itch?
#5869
<Synoptica> holy fuck
<Synoptica> i like
<Synoptica> almost swallowed an aaa battery
<Synoptica> (dont ask)
#6912
<pvx> why do these psycho's always msg my bot?
<xf> Because that is what psychos do.
<MenTaLguY> more to the point, why do a majority of them seem to be from Brazil?
<xf> Because that is where psychos live.
#311005
<Analogy> So I just got an audio book, but it was in another language so I had to listen with subtitles
#30512
(bannsheebot): I was so distracted by this banner ad, I typed my login password into the url field.
(Ntruder): hah
(bannsheebot): it shows this little kid smacking his forehead, and the word "College" next to him.
(Ntruder): someone somewhere deserves a marketing award
#34526
<ljosa> CNN Breaking News: "Attack at wedding hall in northern Israel injures 20 people, five seriously."
<Selungen> CNN Not-so-breaking news: 500 people dead and 2000 injured in mud slide somewhere in China. Or something.