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#311395
Xhiel: OH MY GOD
Xhiel: so these's an online company that make mini bricks for construction stuff
Xhiel: and there's a reddit thread where a poster said he once masturbated used a miniature brick anally
Xhiel: and it got stuck inside, so he had to literally shit a brick
Xhiel: so someone links the website that makes tiny bricks
Xhiel: and the owner notices all the traffic
Xhiel: and tracks the fucking thread down
Xhiel: AND POSTS A 30% DISCOUNT CODE
Xhiel: "MINIBRICKDILDO"
Xhiel: AND THE GOD DAMNED CODE WORKS
Xhiel: I can't right now
Xhiel: I have lost my ability to even
Xhiel: AND HIS COMMENT IS GUILDED
Xhiel: THAT'S IT
Xhiel: I"M DONE
#2793
* FlipMeign is HELLA STRAIGHT
* CaliSean is STRAIGHTER
<soupking> straight? so's spaghetti till u heat it up.
#280960
Yan: This one time i was at a girlfriend's house
Yan: Spent the night there and everything went well
Yan: It was like 11:30 and we were in her basement and i was tired as hell so i told myself ill nap for like 30 minutes and then leave
Yan: I woke up and it was like 7:30 am. So i wake the girl up, she freaks out and asks why the fuck am i still home. She then tells me to leave and get out quick by the window.
Yan: Great idea except i had this oldschool Datsun 510 track ready that was so fucking loud i couldnt leave with it.
Yan: She wakes her parents up and tells them i slept over and nothing happened bla bla. Her dad comes out of the bedroom.
Yan: This guy is BIG ex military deep voice just plain scary. Looks at me and says "hey come to breakfast with us" i of course just wanna bounce. He insists and says "whats wrong? Had too much desert last night?"
Yan: I don't even know how i left after that.
#53836
<NPR> HEY
<NPR> NICE HOUSE
<NPR> BE A REAL SHAME IF SOMETHING HAPPENED TO IT
<NPR> YOU NEED PROTECTION IS WHAT I'M SAYING
<NPR> "OOPS" INSURANCE
<NPR> THE SORT OF PROTECTION THAT ONLY A PUBLIC RADIO SERVICE CAN OFFER
* NPR knocks over your lamp
<NPR> OTHERWISE ACCIDENTS HAPPEN
<NPR> YA FOLLOW!?
#2556
<spyd3rman> what about battlenet?
<spyd3rman> are they still using the cd key
<CoMBo> no battlenet checks to see if you have zits and glasses, then it lets u on
#21419
(smasho) i saw matrix 2 today
(Cip) bout time smasho
(smasho) "How did they copy smith" somsone said
(smasho) i said ctrl c
#47429
<Ben174> : If they only realized 90% of the overtime they pay me is only cause i like staying here playing with Kazaa when the bandwidth picks up after hours.
<ChrisLMB> : If any of my employees did that they'd be fired instantly.
<Ben174> : Where u work?
<ChrisLMB> : I'm the CTO at LowerMyBills.com
*** Ben174 (BenWright@TeraPro33-41.LowerMyBills.com) Quit (Leaving)
#120429
< meltingwax> If only there was a Unicode symbol for how much i hate Web 2.0
#16401
<stutz> I hear you call your dick Godzilla
<mltj> yeah.
<stutz> Is that because its green and smells of fish?
<jamey> no, it's because it doesn't really exist
#28805
<^Neatoo^> I'm so tired of these thieves that keep stealing my condoms.... ITs like "Hey man can i have one of your condoms? " "uhhh no..." "oh..ok *swipe*"
<^Neatoo^> Its like a fucking credit card or something
#33542
<issuez> k thats enough, im done be sappy
<issuez> ill listen to rammstein to counter everything
#25124
<maddox> You know what I hate? Programs that pretend like they're sentient beings. Ftp daemons are the worst.. you type "bye" and it responds: "221 bye bye".. or your login fails and you execute a command, it says "log in first, then I might let you do that." Yeah? Well echo "fuck you" > /usr/bin/ftp
<professor> hahaha.
<maddox> "bzip2: I won't write compressed data to a terminal."
<maddox> no, "you" won't write anything because you can't. You're a piece of shit binary written by a lonely programmer who has seen 2001 too many fucking times.
#295367
< r3in> wow
< r3in> so i totally forgot that i was 21
< r3in> I guess i missed a year somewhere
#304691
<BunneH> i saw a urologist yesterday
<BunneH> er.. today, not yesterday
<BunneH> he had to use KY jelly to get his thumb into my prostate
<BunneH> well, i dunno if it was KY
<BunneH> may have been aknockoff
<BunneH> point is, i had a jelly-covered thumb in my anus
<BunneH> i felt like a donut
<BunneH> when he poked it he said "does this make you feel like you need to urinate?"
<BunneH> i almost said "no, but i feel like i need to shit a thumb"
<BunneH> luckily, i refrained, and just said "no"
#9638
<Twid> ha ha, startrek.net dsl is now available
<Twid> living in parent's basement required
#21446
<Number1> what do you do when you have a file that refuses to delete?
<Deech> first, you demand, then you threaten, finally you launch an offensive.
<Deech> Nuke it from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
<Number1> lol
<Number1> I put a gun to its icon, but it still wouldn't budge.
<Deech> some of those files grew up on the wrong sector on the wrong side of the tracks.. they're hard core, yo.
<Number1> "On the next Jerry Springer: Files gone bad."
<Deech> See it now! Hot file on file action!
#26215
[Video] I've been watching the warez scene for like two months.
[Video] Nothing is worth DOWNLOADING
[Video] That's sad
[Ouija] i know
[Video] Is that their new anti-piracy technique?
[Video] Release shit no one wants?
#28375
<skore> "He said on IRC that he has some drugs, go and get him"
<Huppumies> "Where's he at?"
<Huppumies> "Um... in IRC..."
<skore> "On #reggae"
#299949
Joe: Tommy's room is right next to mine and the walls are really thin
Joe: Every time I hear him start yelling at his friends over Xbox Live when I am trying to sleep
Joe: I release the IP address on our router
#56967
<Psyfive> I call my penis Dick Cheney
<Psyfive> yesterday it shot someone in the face
#7571
<foop> leif is having a party?
<ross_> yeah
<foop> does he know that he's having a party?
<Chieze> of course not
<ross_> he will when the donkeys and cocaine show up
#18080
<wombat> Bukkake is when a Mommy and a Daddy and a Daddy and a Daddy and a Daddy and a Daddy and a Daddy all decide that Mommy needs some special facial moisturiser
#13414
<CheesyPoofs> cheese is good
<CheesyPoofs> I mean "cheese is gouda"
<CheesyPoofs> actually that's not quite true - gouda is cheese
<CheesyPoofs> money is good
<CheesyPoofs> therefore, money is cheese
<CheesyPoofs> which is why it's so good
<sabia> okay whatever you say
<CheesyPoofs> I'm leaving out the technical details
#307624
<Jargon> We don't HAVE BEer pong here in Belgium
<Jargon> The idea that you can somehow "Win" at drinking is purely an American thing
<Quantum_Meddler> So you don't have drinking games there?
<Jargon> no
<Jargon> well
<Jargon> actually yes
<Jargon> there is one
<Jargon> You may have heard of it
<Jargon> It's called "going out and getting laid"
#50674
<psych> Huh. Fancy that.
<psych> Scientific discovery: ducks will eat McDonald's chicken nuggets.
<psych> This is either avian cannibalism or a damning critique of McD's...