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#116288
<Cyan> Some dude tried to break in last night at like 2am, but I was on the comp and it's like right beside the window so I heard the faggot.
<Cyan> Anyways, I grabbed the folding chair and as soon as he was like halfway through I beat the fucking shit out of him.
<Cyan> So he's laying here unconscious and I call the cops. Once they get here, they search him and look at what he fucking had:
<Cyan> 8 track tape (unlabeled), Flashlight (no batteries), Half eaten box of Fig Newtons, Measuring tape, Instructions to "Monopoly."
<dan> Dude, you fucking killed McGuyver!
#3809
<Scofco> whenever I get a hardon
<Scofco> I pass out
<Scofco> well, I actually faint
<Scofco> because the idea of getting laid shocks me
#312
<Tux> gimme a P, gimme an A, gimme a N, gimme an I, gimme a T, gimme an E, gimme an S! Whats that spell?
<Tux> PANTIES!
<Tux> er
<Tux> not really
<Tux> but it was close!
#21843
<Kwangawoo> yawn
<Darien> wang
<Kwangawoo> leave your wang out of this.
<Darien> out of what, specifically?
<Benjamin_> Darien loves to stick his wang where it doesn't belong.
* Benjamin_ glares at Darien.
<Darien> sorry Ben, it was dark, I couldn't see what I was doing
* Benjamin_ shoots Darien in the face.
#2378
(rageboy) ok let me give you a hypothetical situation
(rageboy) and you tell me if you would be mad
(rageboy) you are having a house party..
(rageboy) and you come home.. everyone is still partying
(rageboy) and one of your friends is having sex on your bathroom sink
(rageboy) would you kick him outta your house?
(vrs) is he a good friend
(vrs) ?
(rageboy) yeah
(vrs) do you like the girl?
(rageboy) no no..
(rageboy) i was the one fucking
#26213
<SpookyD> if ppl saw what was on my screen right now they would be shocked and disgusted ;)
<DanJ> SpookyD: So get some tissues and clean it
#295544
<Raisin> One of my friends was supposed to be getting back in shape starting today- no drinking, no smoking, and lots of exercise
<Raisin> He came over at 5 pm, already drunk, to tell me our gym date was off, then bummed a cig
Comment: #offtopic
#53079
<Mace> ROFL
<Mace> Best day EVER at work
<Mace> Because of the sheer amount of people that send stuff during the holidays (I work at a UPS Store)
<Mace> The owner of the store I work at set the answering machine to say that we were too busy to give out estimates, track packages, etc.
<Mace> And he said to call the UPS 1-800 number (1-800-742-5877)
<Mace> But he was tired, and said 1-800-4877
<Mace> Normally a wrong number isn't a problem, right? Just a different business
<Mace> Later in the afternoon we get a call from UPS
<Mace> Turns out, 1-800-742-4877 is a sex hot line
<Mace> Some people got more than they bargained for with holiday shipping...
#214191
<Gnome> Yo momma so fat, Atlas got confused, dropped the earth, and picked her up
#4419
<EnochRoot> #include pestilence.h
#296704
<JasonDM> finally
<JasonDM> the new realtek audio drivers have an option to disable the auto-detection crap
<DominoEffect> took them long enough
<JasonDM> no more stupid notifications that I plugged/unplugged my headphones, yay
<JasonDM> especially when they're still plugged in and I didn't do anything with them
<DominoEffect> "HEY YOU JUST PLUGGED SHIT IN" "...thanks." "NP DUDE"
<DominoEffect> the little two tone windows noise is enough to let me know it's plugged in all the way
<JasonDM> "HEY YOU JUST UNPLUGGED SHIT" "No...I didn't..." "HEY YOU JUST PLUGGED SHIT IN" "NO!"
#8250
<Amenace> so your a fifteen year old girl that thinks my wife is hot, hang on while i have a wank
#4161
<xEh> I could use some help on my image post site
<JaseGuru> If you pay me I will
<xEh> i'm doing it for free so why can't you, some arrogant fellows here
<|Primus> lol. xEH your the one that wants a stranger to do stuff for you, for free
#13148
[aphr0] do hospitals let you keep the umbilical cord?
[aphr0] I'ma have my kid's cord made into a die
[aphr0] tie
[aphr0] or freeze it and tan it and make it into a cane
[aphr0] give it to my kid when he learns to walk so he can walk around and pimp bitches with his umbilical cord
#31267
<kickthepc> kids seriously dont know how to spell normally any more
<kickthepc> hello neon
<Neon[UK]> hihi
<Neon[UK]> byra, kick
* Neon[UK] nods
<byra> you didn't know how to spell grammar
<kickthepc> i do, i just always spell it wrong
<kickthepc> and yes, that does make sense
<byra> which would mean you dont know how to spell it...
<kickthepc> no, let me rephrase
<kickthepc> i know how to spell grammer, its just I always hit the a key instead of the e
* byra coughs
<kickthepc> er
<Neon[UK]> rofl
<kickthepc> ffs
<Rjx> taaaaaard
<kickthepc> stupid fucking fingers
<Rjx> taaaaaaard
#227
<Amanda`> We're going to have matching motherboards and processors
<timmo> AMANDA: NOW THAT IS THE TYPE OF WEIRD SHIT IM TALKING ABOUT
<timmo> MOST WOMEN WANT MATCHING SHEETS AND SHIT
<timmo> weirdo
#301428
<DobyMick> god, inglorious bastards is such a sick movie!
<DobyMick> so what if the "good" guys are jewish and the "bad" guys are nazis, its still violence and murder!
<DobyMick> i mean, how would people feel if someone made a movie where the positions were reversed?
<Fulup>They already did. It's called a documentary.
#7178
<BeLLa`> does sperm die when it hits the air, msg me if u know
<carcin0gen-> sounds like someone got a 3 pointer
#28949
<G3-Game> wtf?
<G3-Game> sco linux license?
<G3-Game> i walk away to grill food
<G3-Game> and the world goes bonkers
#304871
<martin> "PHP is a minor evil perpetrated and created by incompetent amateurs, whereas Perl is a great and insidious evil, perpetrated by skilled but perverted professionals."
<mking> So what does that make Java?
<zstevens> a DSL for converting XML to stack traces
#8189
<Joe_> how do you downgrade to IE5.5?
<Soulflame> fdisk
#2360
(Matt^^^) I got an A+ in home ec, cuz I helped marinate the teacher's fish, if you know what I mean
#37443
<dogboy> You know, there's a part of me that says penis jokes aren't funny.
<urcompsux> Yeah, it's probably your penis.
#4599
*** tatsumi_oreo is now known as tatsumi\Beatingof\
*** tatsumi\Beatingof\ is now known as tatsumi\BeatingSoF\
#61604
<@Rjx> there's a good rule for dealing with psychiatric doctors
<@Rjx> trust them about as far as their expensive sports cars would go on a gallon of gas
Comment: #geekissues