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#241
<SWM> if the average penis is 6"
<SWM> and the average pussy is 8" deep that means there''s about 2 miles of unused pussy in like New York
#129406
<@matt-o-rama> i told somebody on youtube to "euthanize yourself"
<@matt-o-rama> they reply "that only works for dogs, stupid"
#71
<strobe> damn, NeXT users are a weird bunch
<strobe> Did the NeXT cube come with free crack or something?
#79824
Zipper: I just found out today that my western civ. teacher lives in a 4 bedroom, 5.5 bath house with a 3 car garage. He owns 4 cars, one is a brand new Sequoya and it's just his wife and him
Zipper: After he told us that, the kid next to me says "You're a teacher... What does your wife do!?!?"
#13495
<Skyphox> ahhh shoot, my spelling script has disapeared again
#8835
mike_afe > [John's dad is sick of waiting. His son has been in 'that bloody bathroom' for nearly two hours. Finally, his temper snaps; he kicks down the door to discover his son knealing infront of the 68000 data manual.]
mike_afe > "Ah! Shut the door dad!"
#3194
<dot> one sex
<dot> eek
<dot> sec
<dot> damn that typo
<Alexander> sure
<Waldo> paging doctor freud...
<Waldo> paging doctor freud...
#15192
<Kallahar> use telnet
<Nygis> i cant find the answer in telnet
<Kallahar> well, try harder. maybe you aren't pushing the keys in all the way.
<Nygis> but im pushin as hard as i can
#27960
<Monkey> I once ate at an Irish restaurant in China Town, D.C.
* Monkey tries to be topical
* waider rubs monkey on his skin and breaks out in a rash.
<waider> you're not a very good topical.
<@kingmob> discontinue monkey if rash appears
#56933
<AaA> last year when i was working as a day laborer after i got laid off from my other job, i was hired by a contractor to expand a deck for this couple
<AaA> it was going to be expanded out to the son's old room on the second floor, and so they also wanted the walls of the room ripped out
<AaA> so i grabbed a sledgehammer and began pounding out the walls around the closet, and i lost my grip and it fell out of my hand
<AaA> the hammer hits the floor, and about a quarter of the flooring in the closet gives way and i fall through and crash down onto the dining room table, which had dishes and stuff on it, i got cut up pretty good
<AaA> the owners ran inside to find me on the crushed table.
<AaA> it was then they mentioned that their son had a habit of pissing in the closet during the night.
<AaA> :/
#55613
<Spoonman> it's wonderful when you log into IRC and the nickname reads: "dirtyslut"
<Spoonman> i'm going to have a talk with my girlfriend right now
#20804
<@KaZaA> haha, elephante12 has a homeless chick for a girlfriend :p
<+elephante12> shadap
<@KaZaA> you know i'm just kidding :D
<keyb0red> hey hey, there are some advantages to having a homeless chick for a girlfriend
<keyb0red> after going out, you can drop her off anywhere!
#38363
<rhapsody> who's good with perl?
<omnivector> rhapsody: that's like saying who's good with sodomy
<rhapsody> oh
<rhapsody> hey will
<rhapsody> help me with a perl problem
<doompie> gah fuck you.
#30430
[PFY] One time at 5:50 I was sitting in my room with my girl and my comp goes "POP" and shuts off.
[risk] lol
[@beast] damn you remembered it to the minute
[PFY] I know the computer store near me closes at 6, so I just straight up and tell me girlfriend, we have to go
[@beast] haha
[risk] hahaha
[@robry] haha
[@robry] ownd
[risk] thats so quoted
#36303
<`Riku> my god
<`Riku> someone actually has a licence plate in Finland that says "GOA-753"
#300771
[Marcus] : So I'm filling out an injury report for one of our stunt men...
[Greta] : Oh no what happened?
[Marcus] : He busted his nose in a stunt no big deal it happens. But the answers for the questions on the forms...
[Marcus] : How did the employee injure himself: his head was getting pushed into a toilet.
[Marcus] : Would this be a common work place injury: yes
[Marcus] : Statement made by employee: it's ok john, next week I get to hit you with a car
#301482
<Emerald> During the hurricane of 1955 that hit Connecticut, my grandfather's neighbors were on vacation. Afterward, he sent them the following telegram, in its entirety: "What do you want me to do with your roof?"
#61194
<code> i'm not wearing any pants.
<mittens> I've been drinking for almost seven straight hours!
<Syntacs> The last two lines are a recipe for disaster.
#6862
* AlecWire fires a crossbow dart through the arrow, landing it in Foe's crotch.
Foenix: HA! Joke's on you! I had no plans to use that for years!
#4280
<O_6> here is my autobiography in 50 lines:
<O_6> wtf
<O_6> goddamn keyboard
<O_6> f;aowheif;oawuhe;faouw\hfe;oauwhfe!
<matts> interesting autobiography
#19137
[E-vangelist] I was walking through the mall today and everywhere there are
posters advertising Britney Spears brand ROLLER SKATES everywhere
[E-vangelist] I wonder which pharmecutical company is anxiously awaiting the announcement that her cherry's been popped so they can start selling Britney Brand Birth Control pills
#93698
<TheFoundation> "Enraged spice miners on Naboo"
<TheFoundation> spice
<TheFoundation> real original
<Cyber> "Our lawyers can't repel plagiarism of THAT magnitude!"
#993
serluny: how long did it took u to learn c?
ReDPriest:4.5 minutes
serluny:how did u do that?
ReDPriest:i downloaded it into my brain..i got a program to do
that
serluny:what program
ReDPriest:download shit into your brain v3.1
serluny:how do i download it?
ReDPriest: go to www.downloadable-shit-for-your-brain.com
serluny:i cant download it something is wrong
#95780
<Apollo> my girlfriend just walked in on me masturbating to goatse =/
<Trinexx> And you wonder why she cheated on you...
<Apollo> ...how the hell do you know about that?
#36331
<jonathans> i also got stopped for practicing a movie scene in a parking lot where the passenger in my car robs a liquor store
<jonathans> we pull up to the store at 30 and he runs out and slides across the hood
<jonathans> cop didnt like that much
<jonathans> he thought we were actually robbing the store
<jonathans> after talking for ten minutes he had a part in the movie