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#27776
<Silne30> time for my 8 minute abs workout
<~EventHorizon> 8 minute abs work out?
<Silne30> yeah
<~EventHorizon> what are you, a fucking old ladie?
<~EventHorizon> *lady
<Silne30> naw im a guy with a guy
<@crazycheetah> ...
<Tumbleweed> .....
<Silne30> gut*
#1574
<jessafk> ;) your just too smart for me
<tress> you're grammar astounds me
#4392
<Alien> Licking lead is like inviting a bunch of friends into your mouth but then cancer crashes the party
#8775
<GC> i bought new disposable razors
<GC> they have two blades each
<GC> i am astounded
<xen`> my mach 3 has 3 blades
<GC> and it costs more
<xen`> meh, it works good
<xen`> i can shave my asshair and my face and not have to go through 5 razors
#40638
<Whoahey> Yeah, y'know those headphones we sell where it blocks out all other sound but still lets you listen to music?
<ColonelPanic> Yeah
<Whoahey> Y'know how I always say that everyone always puts them on and their friend always says the same thing
<Whoahey> "Can you hear me?! You're a complete tool! <insert random insult> ...did you hear that?"
<ColonelPanic> Heh right.
<Whoahey> Some guy and his girlfriend came in and tried it
<Whoahey> Might I add, she was friggin' gorgeous
<Whoahey> He puts on the headphones, usual conversation ensues -- "Can you hear me?" ::dude shrugs::
<Whoahey> And I'm not even kidding, the girl yells out at the top of her lungs "I FUCKING CHEATED ON YOU WITH MIKE!"
<ColonelPanic> holy shit lol
<Whoahey> The guy just laughs, shrugs and points to the headphones.
<Whoahey> I swear, everyone in the store stopped what they were doing and were like O_O
#42127
< lysol> this one girl I'm friends with in irc left me this comment "his bad-boy reputation as a slashdot troll combined with incredible compassion towards cute fuzzy animals would probably set off some maternal urge to propagate his genes in me if i had such a thing but instead i just want to blow him until i cry semen"
#4376
<Petr> I was at work and I drove by a group of Amish people in an electric cart full of computer equipment. I've never been given such an evil eye by so many people at once before.
#3752
<ChewToy> hrm... my girlfriend should be getting off work soon
<ChewToy> i should get really really stoned before she gets here
<spazzer> actually
<spazzer> chew
<spazzer> i got off your girlfriend this afternoon first
<ChewToy> spazzer she's fucking hot :)
<ChewToy> she puts out!
<spazzer> hence, i said i got off of her first
<ChewToy> she sucks good dick doesnt she?
<spazzer> i was getting close, and she told me to put my finger in her ass
<ChewToy> she's a manager at a victorias secret
<ChewToy> :>
* KNG_SNK wonders how chew scored that
<dazemobil> he ordered her in the catalog =o
#7443
<`]{rAzY]`> My penis is so big that when black men look at it, they say "Hey man, you got a big penis"
<dubdope> krazy... why do you have black men looking at your penis?
<dubdope> plus krazy.. how do they know what your penis looks like when they have you bent over?
#15415
<Helios> Guess what I've got in my hand RIGHT NOW
<niff|n> "his penis"
* anavrinny blinks
<anavrinny> tetris? :P
<Helios> and my penis
<Helios> I am rubbing it against the tetris
<niff|n> lucky you rin!
<curious> He won't say whether he's a four-square long man or a _|_ shaped one.
<Helios> ____|
#4305
<D\TOX> ha, did you know entry-level pharmacists make $90k/yr?
<D\TOX> I'm in the wrong line of work...
<Xyrem> D\TOX : that's about the most boring job i've seen
<Xyrem> putting pills into a bottle
<D\TOX> and in your pocket
<D\TOX> and in your mouth
<D\TOX> and in people's drinks
#53511
<LagIsNewYear> spencers is where i shop for my gfs gifts
<LagIsNewYear> no where else in teh mall had a place for dildos but spencers did, so i wanted to check if they had any right and i look it up online and call em up
<LagIsNewYear> and i ask if they have any dildos or whatever and there is a woman who goes...uhhh no we do NOT carry those..
<LagIsNewYear> so i angerily went into the mall and checked myself and spencers ended up having it
<LagIsNewYear> and hten i realised i called a differnt spencers...one for kids clothing
#6862
* AlecWire fires a crossbow dart through the arrow, landing it in Foe's crotch.
Foenix: HA! Joke's on you! I had no plans to use that for years!
#27523
<QuizMan> when I first got the internet my dad showed me porn
<waffy> he did?
<QuizMan> yes
<QuizMan> and he said do you like it
<QuizMan> and i said yes
<waffy> haha jesus.
<QuizMan> and he said TOO FUCKING BAD DONT GO THERE
<waffy> rofl
<waffy> your dad is awesome.
#28963
<mef> heh, my roommate's ex-gf has a blog but keeps moving it because we keep finding it by googling her horribly constant spelling mistakes..
<mef> google "egnore menchion"
#15848
<Jabberwocky> I made a life-sized Battlemech out of legos. I would have taken over the city too, if I hadn't run out of 2x4s for autocannon rounds.
#36946
<@jordan> fuckin' people trying to hide running bnc or whatever
<@jordan> dude had it named 'scandisk'
<@jordan> in $HOME/.b
Comment: #metawire / irc.metawire.org / <3 open hosting
#302081
Codi: You could always buy a RealDoll. Fuck her when you're horny, she just lays there and doesn't bitch about how you never put the seat down or take out the garbage, and you can just shove her in the closet when you're not stickin' it in her pooper.
Jason: wtf
Jason: I always put the seat down
#1985
(|{KomienD) Who has a crack for Spider-Man?
(paper_bag) who has english lessons in an hour?
(vital|wrk) who has to work right now
(paper_bag) who let the dogs out
(nexxai) Who is getting pussy tonight?
(paper_bag) im getting hand
(nexxai) [paper_bag]: jerking yourself off doesn't count
(paper_bag) blast :(
(paper_bag) guess i can give back grandma her lotion, i wont be getting any l33t points tonight
#42192
<Evo|utioN> for bots
<mutante> what about it
<Evo|utioN> need
<mutante> please form sentences
#302407
<Dustin> Me: "What can I get for you?"
<Dustin> Customer: "I want a small popcorn, and don�t try to upsell me a medium!"
<Dustin> Me: "Can I interest you in a large then?"
<Dustin> Customer: "I want to speak to your manager."
Comment: #chatspike on irc.chatspike.net
#9343
<ShaneBe> i think i just realized what i have been doing wrong with my life.
<ShaneBe> i make goals... but the goals are things like:
<ShaneBe> "I am going to eat this 10-pack of tacos if it kills me."
#304957
<Bombs> you're Canadian. you guys live in igloos, right?
<Kirk> You're American. You guys live in McDonalds', right?
#304938
< Bob_work> This page blocked. Please enter the name of a seedless fruit to continue.
< OWA> Bob
< Bob_work> HEY!
#51227
Dead Like One: You know, I've learned something from watching Episode III with Kenny.
A love revisited: Oh?
Dead Like One: "Don't mistreat droids." "Never trust a clone." "Don't make deals with sith lords."
Dead Like One: Things that will never help me.
A love revisited: Replace droids with menial laborers, clone with Catholic, and sith lords with cokeheads, and you've got some serious life lessons there.