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#49
<TheFlux> give me a chick with lips the size of that guy from aerosmith or something
<scarf> why dont you just get the guy from aerosmith
#300934
<Computer> dude so i locked my keys in my car the other day at school.. asked this girl if i could borrow her phone (because my phone was locked in my car). she overheard me asking someone to come help me get my car unlocked, and is like "hey i have all that stuff in my car dont worry about it"
<Computer> this crazy tatooed girl has this car-theft kit in her back seatt
<Computer> i dont even go with her, she asks what kind of car i have and generally where it is, and says BRB
<Computer> comes back and is like hey its open
<Computer> and im like what? are you sure it was the right car?
<Computer> she looks at me like "oh crap, youre right"
<Computer> i should have got her phone number or something
Comment: freenode, #defocus
#61211
<@TheOracle> the top reason I like alcoholic investors, they cant remember if they wrote the check or not so they keep writing more
#49596
<Erika> fuckdammit
<shminux> hi to you too, Erika
<Erika> Hi shminux.
* Erika stabs things.
<shminux> 'sup?
<Erika> Oh, just a torrent I really wanted just died on me.
<shminux> ah... could be worse
<Erika> True.
<shminux> hmm, that being huggles, I could have said something more comforting
<cmantito> damn right
<shminux> well, say something... she is crying her eyes out here, cmantito
<cmantito> the torrent is in a better place#
<cmantito> it's in binary heaven now
<cmantito> jumping from seeder to seeder with ample bandwidth
<cmantito> with all the trackers it could EVER want.
Comment: mWtNet, #huggles
#28884
<@kingmob> oh, yes, the poor downtrodden welsh.
<@kingmob> you'd think they'd be grateful for the occupiers' gift of vowels.
#294912
<root> I think my mouth just had an orgasm
<Shayne> Did you swallow?
<root> ...
#142667
<Turra> the 5th element is awesome
<Kar> Boron?
Comment: #TGi
#3849
<DMC[tiky]> the word rocks is funny to me, cause when i was a little kid in fox chapel, my friends brother told him GO SUCK ON A ROCK, so he did, and everyone crowded around him and watched him suck on this rock for like 10 minutes.............
#816
<Firebrand> Mario and Luigi are just too "goody goody" with each other.
<Firebrand> I'd wonder what kind of "plumbing" they do
<Firebrand> As I never see them with the tools
#4659
<Kyle|> im making a SHELL for WINDOWS that LOOKS and FEELS like the REAL STANDALONE OS THAT WILL BE DONE NOT SOON!
<Urganite> what you mean to tell me
<Urganite> is that you're going to create a windows program
<Urganite> that just looks like what you want your OS to be?
<Urganite> ...
<Urganite> that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life
<Peasant> Someone should make a DHTML OS
<Kyle|> peasant: dont give me ideas
#46537
<farax> Silence time!
<farax> If anyone talks again after his/hre last line, (s)he gets kickbanned for a day.
<farax>his/her*
*** farax sets mode: +b *!*@*.nyc*.verizon.net
*** farax has been kicked by farax (SILENCE!)
<yoo> Definitive proof that females will be the death of us all...
#62312
<Zenith`> This porn sucks.
<Zenith`> Girl is sortof squatting on a dildo and I'm wondering why the camera man doesn't kick her legs out.
#310890
<Odthin> dammit i just came out of the closet as a grammar nazi
<milaga> they are a little more fun than the grammar marxists
<Odthin> grammar marxist, do they try to share grammatical mistakes with the whole community
<milaga> but not nearly as fun as the grammar maoists
<milaga> who just say lmao whenever you try to correct them
#16627
<The_Veteran> remember the reason you are an op DaMo
<Damo> coz I gave head
<The_Veteran> yes!
<The_Veteran> he admits it
#17868
<RadAghazt> I bought rice vinegar to make sushi. Now to figure out how.
<RadAghazt> Ok.
<RadAghazt> There are instructions on the bottle, but...
<RadAghazt> they're in Japanese.
<RadAghazt> At least I think they're instructions.
<RadAghazt> This might say "death to all gaijin with this poisoned export rice vinegar" for all I know.
#66499
jade: I was too lazy to get up and turn off the light, and there was an umbrella sitting beside me, so I put up the umbrella instead of turning out the light
#56161
<Apophis> "marry such women as seem good to you, 2, 3, or 4, or if you fear you will not do justice (between them) then marry only one or what your right hand possesses"
<Apophis> am I correct in understanding this Koran passage to say, "Marry 2, 3, or 4 hot babes, or, if you can't handle them, either marry just one of them, or jerk off."
<Apophis> if so, I could get used to islam.
<olaf> lol
<Apophis> its win-win
<Apophis> either I get multiple hot babes, or I can masturbate without sinning
#16908
<endura> fuck women, I got me a national geographic and a bottle of gergins hand lotion, I'm fucking set for the next 10 years
#26401
<`dsx-efnex> counterfieting canadian money is about as useful as cloning the french.
#15641
<superwoman> I had a boyfriend once that made me suck him off while I had a mouthful of beer.
<GrandCow> HAHAHAHA that was me bitch!
<superwoman> DANNY?!?!?!
<GrandCow> MOM?!?!?!?!
#182652
<Tinted_Green> ok Grugg
<Tinted_Green> you and me
<Tinted_Green> we have to do that one day
<Tinted_Green> go to a pub
<Tinted_Green> and get a pint in a teapot
<Tinted_Green> and we have to wear top hats
<Tinted_Green> and monocles
<Tinted_Green> and speak in a highly refined english accent
<Tinted_Green> and see how long it takes them to throw us out
<Grugg> As soon as I can afford a ticket to australia
<Grugg> We will do this
<Turks> not without me you're fucking not
<Grugg> Didnt you threaten to murder me with an umbrella if you ever met me?
<Turks> i say alot of things
#294934
<mixster> This is the Internet - telling stupid people not to do stupid things is like telling a deaf person to listen closely
#12433
<DarkPhan> humm... i want to find some software that will track eye movements on a webcam
<Spooky42> www.fbi.com/shareware
#283509
<paul> yea, the secured areas have additional security
<paul> I mean realistically as I say to people you can just go through the drywall with a claw hammer in about 5 minutes
<paul> if that
<paul> or as I call it, the "koolaid man" attack
<paul> bonus points for screaming "OH YEA!" when busting through
#7692
<evilmarq> my fingers smell of garlic
<Rawr> Where have you been sticking them?
<evilmarq> up my arse
<Rawr> Your arse smells of garlic?
<evilmarq> yes
<Rawr> Why?
<evilmarq> i put garlic up my ass