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#61592
<Khaos> Ok, so I was on a long, boring flight on sunday, ok?
<Khaos> the old lady sitting next to me was joking with the flight attendant, so when the attendant came to get our snack orders, the lady says, "Well, I'd have a nice sirloin."
<Khaos> The flight attendant played along, asking how she wanted that cooked.
<Khaos> As they were talking, I swear that the first thought that popped into my head was "Steak on a plane!"
<Khaos> I actually said this out loud. So now, I have a bruise on my arm from where the guy in the window seat hit me.
#58594
<Rose> ahaha...I remember this one time at a tattoo parlour
<Rose> and this girl wanted a tattoo on her lower back
<Rose> and she told the artist "yeah, I want something symbolic"
<Rose> so I wrote "Exit only" in chinese
Comment: #applegeeks
#305954
DrZoidberg: i have more beef hanging around in my colon than three Weinerschnitzels have in their combined freezers.
EvilBunnyFuFu: thankfully, Dr Zoidberg has no clue what a colon is..
Russ: Colon, not to be confused with a semi-colon.
DrZoidberg: semi-colon is half-assed
#300320
halcy0n: yanno what i fkn hate
halcy0n: .....the motion activated toilets
halcy0n: dude...you cant fuckin move!
bladezor: hahaaaa
halcy0n: you like just twist one way and its a fuckin shit water bidet.
halcy0n: doesnt help that the toilet flushing is powered by a fucking boeing 757 engine
#33207
<mjc> # Phone Sales Representative: "Will you be paying by credit card?"
<mjc> # Customer: "Yes."
<mjc> # Phone Sales Representative: "Ok, I need your credit card number and your name as it appears on the card, please."
<mjc> # Customer: "WHAT?!? I'm not giving my credit card to you over the phone! Then your company will have access to it!"
#13295
<Ntruder> someone peed in the dating pool here
#60788
<Haohmaru77> a woman enters a vibrators shop,
<Haohmaru77> and shes all excited
<Haohmaru77> so she asks the vendor
<Haohmaru77> "do you sell vibrators?"
<Haohmaru77> and the guys like "yes"
<Haohmaru77> so the girl asks
<Haohmaru77> "do you know how they work?"
<Haohmaru77> and the guys like "yes"
<ichi_nii_san> .....
<Haohmaru77> so the girl, all excited, asks
<Haohmaru77> "could you tell me how to turn it off?"
#8578
<cheesecake> differential equations sedate me.
<kg> strange... i usually get turned on by differential equations..
#58232
<jiz> * AT 827 PM CDT...NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE DOPPLER RADAR WAS TRACKING A CONFIRMED TORNADO NEAR KANSAS CITY. DOPPLER RADAR SHOWED THIS TORNADO MOVING EAST AT 40 MPH.
<jiz> lol its not only coming here but its my part of here
<jiz> lol when i ping out you will know the funnel cloud hit
<sam> no
<sam> when you ping out we will know the funnel cloud hit 600 seconds ago
<sam> YOU WILL ALREADY BE DEAD
Comment: irc.buttes.org #cockes
#3112
<shaun|WRK> bah...porno's get borring after like 5 min
<|D-ToX|> all u just told me was u Blow yer load in 5 mins
#8271
*** Haggis has quit IRC (Quit: Sometimes I try to masturbate long words into a conversation. Even if I dont know what they mean.)
#11224
<k0reany0> hey it's been long time since I've talked to you.
<Xilokumsh0t> let's meet up and have a beer sometime
<k0reany0> sure. btw how is your wife nancy doing?
<Xilokumsh0t> her name is suzy
<k0reany0> who cares!
#297192
<aestetix> This is more of a good birthday present idea which lead to my mate getting dumped by his GF.
<aestetix> She couldn't afford buying him a bday present, so she gave him a bunch of slips for meals, massages, blowjobs etc.
<aestetix> She dumped him because for weeks he'd pull out a blowjob slip everytime they'd have an argument.
#29055
<Mongvar> .de go develope the pictures for christs sake :P
<Bringa> ahah
<Bringa> gave them to the development store called 'my mum' today
<Bringa> they'll be done by Tuesday
<Bringa> remember, this is good ole germany
<Bringa> nothing works on weekends
<Bringa> and by nothing I mean Leon's mum!
<Bringa> :P
<Woc[food]> haha
<Errtu> dont invoke her voodoo wrath
<Woc[food]> I do hope her workmates don't read the Holy Bible
<Woc[food]> cause it says that if you work on the day of rest, you should be stoned to death :/
<Errtu> i'm stoned to death every day
Comment: #tavern / worldirc
#89
<tmhaidnk> whoa i can submit my prayers via html based forms !
#3539
<craig> i'm sorry, i should've remembered that many people are pedanic here
<Crappy> it's pedantic
#26347
<mef> American Scientists Finalize Plans To Construct Artificial Tri-Force;
<mef> US Declares War On Ganon
<mef> http://graphics7.nytimes.com/images/2003/06/28/weekinreview/29over.slide01.jpg
#40926
<Jism> Ark, remember that quote you submitted about me falling through the window naked?
<Jism> you fucker it got approved
<Ark> lol
<Ark> could of been worse, like the one where your girlfriend was going down on you as you release this dirty, smelly wet fart and she threw up all over your genitals then you kneed her in the face accidentally giving her a blood nose
<Jism> you're just lucky we're good friends and no bastard saw that
*** stealth7 (stealth@opers.sadhat.org) has joined #linux
<stealth7> lol qdb.us
*** stealth7 (stealth@opers.sadhat.org) has left #linux
Comment: I take it Jism and Ark forgot about the new Log module our channel service has
#33363
< solerad> oh man
< solerad> my adopted brother
< solerad> had a wet dream that involved my mother :/
< solerad> i wouldn't have known except that
< Supacabra> yikes
< solerad> he told his ENTIRE SCHOOL
< Supacabra> double yikes
#17273
<0dan0> i have peed like 10 minutes in the last 5 minutes
#21982
PunkRocks64: we watched Matrix 1 in chemistry today.
PunkRocks64: and you know how Morpheus says the beginning of the end was the creation of AI?
EventuallyAdonis: what about it?
PunkRocks64: he says basically that the what started the machines taking over was human's fascination with AI..
PunkRocks64: and.. have you noticed that like 99% of our population is infatuated with American Idol .........
EventuallyAdonis: that's deep
#29452
<@parasyte> I went straight towards my room where my nice large full size bed I had since I was 5 years old awaited me. I opened the door and...
<@parasyte> ... there is my sister, riding her fat boyfriend, fucking his brains out.
<@parasyte> My first thought was, "Wow, she had perky tits". My second thought was, "Wow, so does he",
#33662
<DimaV> Anglophobia - Fear of Englishness
<DimaV> wow, some one in the world there are people scared of men with huge sideburns who shout "God save the Queen!", drink tea and play cricket.
<joe> i'd be scared if i seen one
#920
<ckx> i used to drink
<ckx> now i just inject it straight into my arm
<ckx> i think i'm in the upper epsilion of alcoholism
#37289
(Eagle): I just watched a cock fight
(Deranged): You and your boyfriend at it again?