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#30933
<jp-minip[hw]> pm me with romantic christmas gift ideas for ur girlfriend, dont pm me unless u have one ty ;) [/amsg]
<jp-minip[hw]> omg fking fags forget it, goatse.cx cookies are NOT romantic
#56644
hehehe8383: school was pretty fun for me cus of the teachers =P
hehehe8383: like i remember this one time in like 5th grade or something
hehehe8383: i got a bloody nose in my math class and i had on a white shirt to boot
hehehe8383: so i went to the nurse for like 10 min. while i was sittin in the nurses office, the period was over so my class left and another class came in
hehehe8383: but i still had my books there so i had to go back in
hehehe8383: so i walk into the classroom with blood stains on my shirt and holding a blood spotted tissue up to my nose
hehehe8383: so the teacher pointed at me and she goes "see what i do to kids who dont do their homework?"
hehehe8383: i swear to you, this kid next to me had a MORTIFIED look on his face as he started scribbling stuff down on some incomplete worksheet =P
#4280
<O_6> here is my autobiography in 50 lines:
<O_6> wtf
<O_6> goddamn keyboard
<O_6> f;aowheif;oawuhe;faouw\hfe;oauwhfe!
<matts> interesting autobiography
#79449
<Kwahraw> we thought it was funny to use the pay phones to dial the tampax tampon hotline....
<Kwahraw> and ask random, annoying questions
<Kwahraw> so, once i call up, and, in my best 'girl' voice, I say "ever since I began using your product, my period's been green..."
<Kitten> what the ..
<Kwahraw> she replies "young man, if you have a period at all, you need to see a doctor"
Comment: irc.austirc.org #austirc
#6400
<cygnus> speech recognition is only for people who don't jerk off enough to build up wrist strength and then get fucked up from using their keyboards
#10958
(morganj): 0 is false and 1 is true, correct?
(alec_eso): 1, morganj
(morganj): bastard.
#4012
<Gallant> what's the point of programmin C/C++ if your goal is to make readable code?
#60705
<AutoGlass54> stfu i dont want to hear about premature ejactulations
<big12digit> i prefer to call it a "dishonorable discharge"
<flak> ive long since accepted it
<flak> like ill sit there and be like SQUIRTLE I CHOOSE YOU
#32415
<Raist> anyway.. gotta go to the vet
<Raist> see whats up with my dong's eye
<Raist> er
<somniloquy> O_O
<Raist> X.x
<Raist> dog
#43895
<Luigi30> A bat flew into a hotel room once with my dad's friend who was dropping acid. He went absolutely psycho. My dad walks in, the bat leaves. He asks what the hell went on, and his friend said a 16 foot flying rabbit on rollerskates flew into the room.
<ChrisCF> o_O
<Luigi30> When asked what the rollerskates were for, he said it was so that it didn't break its ankles when it landed.
<ChrisCF> I should stop reading IRC
<Luigi30> This folks, is why you don't drop acid with bats!
<ugen64> um... okay
<Grammy> I'll make a mental note.
<BillyH> Flew into the room, asked for directions, and then flew out humming Onward Christian Soldiers?
Comment: #wikipedia
#34527
<scyth> you guys are bash.org mods?
<kisama> nah dude i just play one on IRC
Comment: #geekissues
#29027
<Magus`> My mom keeps assuming I'm gay.
<Magus`> WHich makes no sense.
<Magus`> I'm like... "My friend is coming over."
<Magus`> "Is he handsome?"
<Magus`> "I.. guess?"
<Magus`> "You're gay, aren't you?"
#307156
Pizzicato: In my head, the way the defence budget in the states is handled is some dude pules up to a drive-thru window at a huge factory and a voice crackles over the intercom
Pizzicato: 'Hi, welcome to the DoD! How can I help you?'
Pizzicato: The guys looks at the menu and goes 'Uhhhhhhhh I'll take....2,433 F-35s, 30 Virginia class submarines, a fleet of V-22s, FA-18EFs, and another fleet of EA-18Gs'.
Pizzicato: Then the dude on the intercom says 'Okay, that will be 137 billion dollars, please pull around to the second window!'
Comment: #EquestriaAfterDark on GeekShed (irc.geekshed.net)
#296099
(loup) nice, google's usenet reader has a translator integrated
(loup) what's not so nice is that it offered to translate a german document into dutch for me
(v427ci505) like foreign languages?
(v427ci505) everyone knows usenet is best appreciated in the original klingon
#3014
{[FoF]}Draegos: no, I dont jerk off
{[FoF]}Draegos: i never jacked off and never will
xceptional: your nuts must be the size of bean bag chairs
#48754
<treb> what do you do to a command to make it run in the background?
<@Celestina> scare it?
Comment: #cam, irc.drivemeinsane.com
#1735
(Dark_Fear) women and malls gotogether like warez and t3 connectiosn :)
#33865
<Megasaxon> haha
<Megasaxon> americans amuse me
<Megasaxon> they're so dump
<Megasaxon> er
<Megasaxon> :(
<Bendit> hahahahahaha
#299964
<Xe0n> $|=3,141592;sub _
<Xe0n> {print@_}sub o{_++$O[0
<Xe0n> ];_ 0for 1..$#O}sub O{$;=int
<Xe0n> $=/10,'0/^ ^';if($;<9)
<Xe0n> {_$_ for @O;;@O=()
<Xe0n> ;0}push @O,$;;0
<Xe0n> ,;push@ O,'.'if
<Xe0n> $^==1; 0;if($;
<Xe0n> ==10){ print ,o,@O=(
<Xe0n> )}}$~= 1000000 ;$-=10*
<Xe0n> (q/@O= digits of pi =10/,1)
<Xe0n> *int($~ /3)+1;$
<Xe0n> _=2for@ ,[0..$-]
<Xe0n> ,;for$^ (1..$~){
<Xe0n> $:=$-;$O =0;until
<Xe0n> ($:<0){$/= 2*$:+1;$/=
<Xe0n> 10if$/==1;$==10*$,[$:]+$O;$,
<Xe0n> [$:]=$=%$/;$O=int($=/$/
<Xe0n> )*$:--,10}O}o
<Xe0n> run it
<Xe0n> see how long it takes for your compy to finish it
<Xe0n> it's perl
<DerpDerp> No, it's gay
<DerpDerp> and it probably makes my CD trap open every 30 seconds
<DerpDerp> probably
<DerpDerp> tray
<phantomcircuit> actually it looks like it calculates pi
<Xe0n> ^
<Xe0n> Because it does
<phantomcircuit> but being perl it could just as well launch some nuclear missiles
#218226
joe9512357846: Its bad when I turn down porn to read quotes...
VollerRoterMond: yeah
joe9512357846: is that why people have dual screen monitors...?
VollerRoterMond: possibly.
VollerRoterMond: you have to train your eyes to look at one screen each
VollerRoterMond: and then your body to laugh and orgasm at the same time.
joe9512357846: lol
joe9512357846: thats pretty awesome...
VollerRoterMond: I'm pretty sure its part of some buddhist religion
joe9512357846: wait - you mean to tell me I have to trick my body into thinking it's actually doing two things at once? Dude we all know how hyperthreading went!!
VollerRoterMond: a skill known only by monks who have been studying the science for their entire life.
VollerRoterMond: I think they're called IT guys or something
VollerRoterMond: fuck... did we both just turn that into nerd jokes?
#152432
<+Guillotine> If anybody wants to participate in the greatest April fools of all time, I need a .wav of the rickroll song and .tga version of every .5 second interval in the video
<+Guillotine> (I think you can see where I'm going with this)
<@Iriel> Hell?
<+Guillotine> Probably
#5760
<razorjd1> But i know what's first person shoter better than any body here!!!!
<razorjd1> why ppl think that 14 years old boy can't understand in computers???
<razorjd1> what the fuck is ur prob, son tof the bitches???
<razorjd1> i play UT all day and u say that i don't know what's first person shoter is???
<razorjd1> i overclock since i was 10 so don't call me stupid, i understand in computers better than any one here.
<razorjd1> Beware, or else i will hack to ur computer...
<razorjd1> Fuck u all!!!
#29437
<Lepper> i rode my bike for 2 hours today.. w00t
<Lepper> my legs are getting so much stronger
<splice> thatll help when you have to run away from girls
#308806
<powersurge> god dammit
<powersurge> I go to dairy queen so often that google is asking me to set it as my work
<powersurge> stop judging me, google
#33617
(@Sh3kel) I'm bored to the point I'm considering installing Black and White :/