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#1770
<whoreee> i just ordered the explosion self titled CD single?
<Weeve> what's it called?
#12070
<Meeko-Priest> I was talking to a pimpin' ghost with my friends Lisa and Candace.
<Meeko-Priest> "Are you there?" Ouija Board: NO "Why not?" Ouija Board: SEX "Oh. Goodbye"
#299844
<Jafet> How the hell does youtube order its comments anyway?
<FauxFaux> Most annoying first.
#1967
<JDigital> It's official: Nostradamus was a stoner.
<JDigital> His name wasn't even Nostradamus. It was Michel du Nostredame
<JDigital> Nostradamus was just his IRC nick
#46621
<rhppnrth> Skype is not a telephony replacement service and cannot be used for emergency dialing.
<rhppnrth> OH SHIT GUYS MY HOUSE IS ON FIRE
<rhppnrth> LEMME LAUNCH SKYPE
<rhppnrth> OH FUCK I'M NOT LOGGED IN
<rhppnrth> JESUS IT'S GETTING HOT IN HERE
#64565
<@psych0sys> i told my old boss once i wanted to fuck a pregnant bitch so i could say i had a threesome
<@psych0sys> she freaked out
<@psych0sys> what a fucking bitch
#11196
<[OsP]Magus> Awesome, my font is back to normal
<[OsP]Magus> Okay, this is getting to be nifty
<[OsP]Magus> Only things that'll still take some getting used to are the channels on the bottom, and in alphabetical order
<Crazy-Man-Dan> lol
<Crazy-Man-Dan> Geek alert
<Crazy-Man-Dan> Magus redecorated IRC
#30412
<Pciber> Dude.
<Pciber> I just thought of the awesomest AIDS campain slogan.
<Pciber> AIDS Kills, We ain't fuckin around!
#1680
<timmo> if i were to take a stab in the dark as to what josh is pissed about
<timmo> i would have to say its women troubles
<josho> next time you take a stab at something, aim for your eye
#25155
<Dingles> Why am I such a funny person?
<Jack104> 'Cause your life is a joke?
#17907
<George> : Walmart is selling Linux boxes now.
<George> : Onward and upward.
<George> : Once you get them in the Walmart's, Cosco's, and K-Mart's, world domination is near.
<3hreeD> : yeah george but there's only so much you can do with those linux boxes
<George> : Yeah, like run the net.
#11439
<adr> if kashmir gets nuked we won't have any soft wool sweaters any more
<TS> thats cashmere you tool
#296857
Pandy strokes Toolmaker
<Pandy> oh god
<Pandy> i have a story
<Pandy> a rl story
<Pandy> a friend of mine got robbed in january, he came home to find this scummy dundee junkie taking his xbox and some other stuff from his flat
<Pandy> so naturally he tried to block the door so the guy couldn't leave
<Pandy> the guy then ran into his kitchen and got a knife and waved it around
<Pandy> so he just let the guy go and then called the cops and they came over and found the guy waiting for a bus round the corner with all his stuff
<Pandy> so anyway
<Pandy> turns out this guy pleaded not guilty
<Pandy> so it went to court
<Pandy> last week
<Pandy> my friend didn't really get why
<Pandy> but
<Pandy> the story that the robber came up with
<Pandy> was that my friend met him at a bus stop and asked him to come back to his flat and he would pay him 40 quid to wank him off
<Evil STEVE> loooooooooooooool
<Pandy> and then apparently my friend forgot that he had no money
<Pandy> so he gave him some stuff from his flat
<Pandy> instead
<Pandy> including his xbox and a kitchen knife
<Pandy> and there was a jury and shit
<Pandy> and the guy got put away for 3 years
<Pandy> BUT
<dcower> rofl
<Pandy> it was a majority verdict
<Pandy> so at least one dundee juror thinks my friend pays scummy dundee neds for handjobs
<Pandy> he was like :(
Evil STEVE laughs out loud
<Pandy> and even worse this class of students were in the court on day one
<Pandy> when the robber was being cross examined
<Pandy> so they heard all of his hilarious handjob story
Toolmaker si roolign on teh florr laugihrng @ Pandy to hard t0 stpo!111!!111
<Pandy> then never came back the next day to hear the verdict
#54649
Leonard G: Welcome to HP Total Care. My name is Leonard. How may I assist you today?
some body: hi, how do you turn a computer on?
Leonard G: Please press the power button on the front panel of the system tower.
some body: is that the button marked power?
Leonard G: Yes, the big button in the front panel of the system tower.
some body: oh, I see a small socket
some body: what the hell, I just got electrocuted
Leonard G: I apologize for that.
#45845
DaMnHeDgEs: dude gtg
DaMnHeDgEs: laptop is smoking
DaMnHeDgEs signed off at 6:30:43 PM.
#25628
* ashie is already starting to miss senior year of high school
<ashie> i cut school so much, i'd end up coming in on holidays, not knowing there was no school
#23974
(@GKB) How the hell do I idle?
#295368
<anon1> You come across a girl in the forest, both her legs are broken and she says that she has just been raped, What do you do??
<brotha> unzip and get ready for round 2?
<Henaby> Check my compass, i MUST be walking in circles.
#138027
Ganon: That magnet in the finger idea sounded really awesome, minus the idea of getting some sort of poisoning from the rare-earth metals
Gayo: oh oh dude
Gayo: What if you were a woman and you had MAGNETIC BREAST IMPLANTS.
Katt: I guess that would make you really attractive
Ganon: ...
#4471
<the_Speed_Bump> I can't imagine a conversation that covers both philosophy and shit without being terribly disjointed.
<the_Speed_Bump> "So, what do you think of God?" "I just took the hugest shit ever!"
#30522
<BusyChild> i hate it when youre just flirting with a girl and you poke her on accident
#44998
<@Josho> can't believe i fit so much shit in the dishwasher
<@Josho> tetris skills paying off
#35184
<Blindsight> I am so fucking pissed off at my roomate's dogs
<Blindsight> I walked out in the kitchen and one was rooting through the trash
<Blindsight> I said "cage", and normally they'll go in their cage cause they know their bad
<Blindsight> but the one fucking whore, ran in my room
<Blindsight> I went in my room and was like "CAGE" and it started pissing, I scared it so it pisses
<Blindsight> I was mega pissed
<Blindsight> fucked up the dog and threw him in the cage
<Blindsight> cleaned up the piss then I'm sitting here
<Blindsight> and I hear a pissing noise
<Blindsight> I look over and the other mother fucker is "marking his territory" over the other one's piss!!!
<Blindsight> so I fucked that one up and threw him in the cage
<Blindsight> jesus christ
Comment: #neoturbine on irc.neoturbine.net
#52346
<ryan> i bought a 2 way radio at walmart today
<ryan> and went and sat outside home depot
<ryan> yelling codes over their radios
<ryan> "WE GOT A BLEEDER IN PLUMBING!"
<ryan> "who the hell is this?"
<ryan> "rafiki...."
#56696
* Xerxes is now listening to Nightwish - Once
* Sanguini listened to Nightwish. Once.