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#308130
<Adorable> On a scale of Helen Keller to Osama Bin Laden, how good is my hiding spot?
#51089
<Twyce_Dailey> u know... cheap body jewelery isn't fun
<AphonyDissnt> sure it is..
<AphonyDissnt> you can play "what's that infection"
Comment: #20something on Undernet
#311648
<ericwood> there's a special place in my heart for americanized chinese food
<Cipher-0> Those are angina pains, ericwood.
#50258
Clint: Did you hear that the police station got broken in to?
Clint: The thieves stole all the toilets!
Mikey_B: Yeah, I heard that at the moment the policemen have nothing to go on.
#32391
(+Gothic_CatGirl) Ewwy I have to do to the doctor today
#21364
<wormie> go to a junk yard
<wormie> get an old car that runs
<wormie> give the fat guy workin there 20 bucks for it
<wormie> drive it into the store as deep in as you can
<wormie> hop out
<wormie> and when everyones running away
<ubergamer> LOL
<wormie> go grab a cd key :)
#142920
<paddypower> i saw these condoms
<paddypower> the inside is lined with some chemical that numbs your dick
<paddypower> so you can last longer
<Mongrel> or wear it inside out, and you don't even have to wake her up :D
#17258
<Rzrshrp8> and they told this kid that they were gonna have a fapping contest and whoever comes first wins....they all turned the lights out and started making sounds, then turned the lights on and only the kid they played the trick on was doing it
#2065
<matts> hal check your privates
<matts> err
<matts> messages
#50233
<+|404notfound> I just got a great idea
<+|404notfound> you know when you're handing a mug of a hot beverage to somebody, you either hold the handle and let them get burned grabbing the mug, or burn yourself to let them grab the handle?
<+|404notfound> somebody should make a mug with two diametrically positioned handles
<+|404notfound> it'll be fucking awesome
<+|404notfound> you'll be able to hand out hot drinks with impunity
Comment: Gamesurge: #g4b2s
#161990
<redeyes>The thing about porn is that a) there is a lot of it and b) it isn't going to go away or stop. Do you really need to store a lot of it for archival purposes?
<TTC>It's kinda like getting horny for a girl you used to fuck, and being able to have her nake in front of you instantaneously. And when you're done, she goes the fuck away.
<TTC>Except you never really fucked her and you're probably a serial killer.
#141960
<Blipo> I'm trying to sell a 1GB DDR-667 RAM chip over Craigslist
<Blipo> So far two people have contacted me thinking I was talking about a mod for the DDR game
#4751
<ellipse> whoa. i hate farts like that.
<ellipse> that one was so hot, i couldn't tell if i shit myself or not. i think i'm going to have to manually check.
#3828
<Sylffor> I prefer "blood-engorged mayonaisse cannon" or "yogurt slinger"
<nitrifik_> ok. Sylffor knows too many colorful synonyms for 'dick'.
* Sylffor is a homosexual, remember?
<nitrifik_> you being gay is fine.
<nitrifik_> I draw the line at "blood-engorged mayonaisse cannon".
#33252
<WorkDug> i guess i need to go back to school :p
<Gr8_Dane> School is beyond you. Aim lower.
#147438
<TakeV> I don't know! Who ever heard of mixing SATA and IDE!?
<TakeV> The good thing is that trial and error can't really hurt you with IDE. :P
<Monk-e> are you crazy?
<TakeV> I'm told by some...
<Monk-e> IDE adjusts to the lowest speed in 1 cable. you just dont combine a HD and a CD drive. thats madness
<TakeV> Madness?
<TakeV> This. Is. SAAATTTAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
#43842
<Lacey> int *y; for (int i = 0; i < 1000; i++) { y = &y; }
<Lacey> Someone handed that to me and asked: "Why doesn't it work"
<Lacey> I stared at it and finally asked "What do you think it is supposed to even do?!?!"
<dfryer> what did they want it to *do*?
<Lacey> They thought it was a linked list...
Comment: #planeshift
#40615
<dani> im cold! *goes to get blanket*
<caz> I'M A DONKEY! *goes to get psychiatric help*
#32285
<+snow_veil> apparently nasa found hematite on mars
<+error> is that smokable?
#4442
<amit> there was a girl in my english class who had a lord of the rings bookmark. she looked at me, then at the bookmark and said "Bilbo's so hot!" and put it in the cleavage between her breasts.
#115706
* scalpod shakes his head in cornfusion
<Phinny> cornfusion? Is that like being caught in a maize?
<Asquire> corn fusion? is that like ethanol?
#268831
<bobjam> Demonstrators in Cairo demanded Tuesday that Saudi Arabia release an Egyptian doctor sentenced to 15 years in prison and 1,500 lashes after he was convicted of malpractice reportedly after treating a Saudi princess.
<bobjam> saudi arabia is bad.
<Snow> But I bet their malpractice insurance costs are lower than ours.
#294500
<MurderMachine> So did I ever tell you the story of how my parents met?
<DryBones> Nope.
<MurderMachine> Well, there are two versions I guess.
<DryBones> How?
<MurderMachine> The story my Mum tells is: A group of idiots pushed her over while ice skating and my Dad heroically went over and helped her up.
<MurderMachine> The story my Dad tells is: He paid a group of idiots to go push her over so he could go heroically help her up.
<DryBones> ROFL
<MurderMachine> I have been paid not to tell her.
#295307
Francis: Someday, I'm going to rule the internet with an iron fist
Duo: not with a name like Francis.
Duo: more like a delicately manicured, leather-gloved hand
StoneCypher: lightly perfumed
Duo: and lotioned.
#303097
<@i_c-Y> what exactly is "irreconcilable differences" for a divorce?
<@zeno> You know... one person insists on the D_n notation for a dihedral group, the other on D_{2n}.