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#306959
Mew: "what do you do with a dead chemist?" "BARIUM!"
Mew: k im done failing
bryan: lol thats a tin on my scale
Mew: I do not know how to react to this
#32980
<Oreoz> it was dark dammit
<Oreoz> i was laughing about something you said
<DAVO> sick
<Oreoz> then all of a sudden
<DAVO> hahaha
<Oreoz> WHOOOO
<Oreoz> WTF
<Oreoz> SOMETHIGNS UP MY ASS
#297080
<Pryoidain> I had this terrible sinus infection once, all the mucus, the works
<Pryoidain> Well at some point, between all the antihistamines, I thought it'd be a brilliant idea to snort a crapton of Instant coffee.
<Pryoidain> Now for those of you who don't know, ANY moisture will turn instant coffee, into actual coffee.
<Pryoidain> I became a human percolator for like, an hour an a half.
<asaph> ....You need to do one of those "This is what happens when you do drugs" commercials.
<asaph> Half the country would go sober 24 hours after it hit air.
#5362
<RvLeshrac> I wonder about stores that get shot up in movies.
<RvLeshrac> What do they say when it's all over with?
<RvLeshrac> "Hello, Mutual Insurance? Yes, I'd like to know if my policy covers gangland shootouts."
#17298
<xenothrope> WHO IS THE MOST TALENTED PRON STAR?!?!
<hoho> ron jeremy
<[H]Lasuuco> me
<[H]Lasuuco> i can wack off on command
<xenothrope> peter north owns jeremy
<hoho> nah
<isajeep> ummm
<[H]Lasuuco> lol
<isajeep> im not prepared to argue the better parts of male porn stars
<NickBlasta> dont lie jeep
<hoho> jeep, im going by the fact that the guy is fat, ugly, and old but still gets laid every day.
<isajeep> I said im not prepared...I don't have my slides ready
<xenothrope> lmao jeep
<isajeep> hoho thats because he(like me) has mastered his body
<NickBlasta> ROFL
<isajeep> wait
<hoho> so you're fat and ugly like him?
<isajeep> that might sund wrong
<isajeep> *sound
#218
<CrazyDe> man, back when i was in my sexual prime..
<CrazyDe> in the 7th grade...
#6724
<Goldenstimme1> 46 M lonely, self-employed, employed myself earlier this evening
#3621
<djcrom> its so hard to create a build in an electro song without any percussion
<noj> no it isn't
<noj> you puss
<djcrom> ok let me rephrase
<djcrom> its so hard to create a build in an electro song without any percussion and make it not sound gay
#77329
<jsz`> "Since version 2.0, AIM has included person-to-person text messaging, chatroom messaging, and the ability to share files peer-to-peer with one's buddies."
<jsz`> i guess before version 2.0 it didnt do anything
#25623
(timmo) id fucking stab someone if i was in a dorm room
(timmo) and woke up
(timmo) and they were fucking whacking
[Gimdb] i'd finish them off
#58795
<Apollo> Ugh, I was looking at this one animal porn site, and the chick blowing the dog spit out what looked like melted ice cream. Dog cum doesnt look like that, it's clear, ffs.
<Trinexx> Two things wrong with that
<Trinexx> 1) Why the hell are you looking at animal porn?
<Trinexx> 2) How the FUCK do you know what dog cum looks like?
<Apollo> uh... would you believe curiosity?
#37086
<Vaevictus> now... what to play whilest my torrents finish up
<Vaevictus> hmmm
<Vaevictus> maybe i should play "make supper".
<Vaevictus> hmmm
<Vaevictus> i usually lose that game
#25142
<phats> damnit, now that I'm checking my mail pretty often I'm not getting any
<phats> heh
<phats> mail that is
#9560
<PYRoTkNiX> i dont look at naked horses
#67276
* DreadPirate pictures the airline handing Mango a parachute and pointing her towards the door
Mango: DP: OI THERE! I'm very much male!
DreadPirate: oops :)
Mango: >.<
PinkFreud: at least I'm not the only one who makes that mistake. :P
DreadPirate: heh - glad to know I'm not alone as well
Mango: Hmm.
Mango: When you thought of me as a girl, was I pretty?
#10992
<Peter> Scooby-doo. Reason enough to *never* get your pets high, especially on weed.
#3286
*** Quits: MediArc (i am the lover in your bed)
<roded> i'm going to bed
#3931
<Panty_HaX0r> I masturbate near constantly, and I have a steady supply of sex
<Scofco> sex-drives that high should be bottled and sold on store shelves
#6889
<_Tenchi_> jwzrd-: are you a pole smoker too ?
<jwzrd-> _Tenchi_: why, you want your pole smoked ?
#6486
<wmf> AaronSw: what did I tell you about Stallman?
<AaronSw> not to have sex with him?
#57180
<taxman> Okay, I seriously don't know how this could happen.
<taxman> I woke up this morning and went into the bathroom to piss
<taxman> One of my nostrils is really itchy and so I grab a piece of toilet paper and blow my nose
<taxman> When I look at it, there's a fucking EARWIG amidst a sea of snot
<Rintin> rofl
<taxman> So I shout in surprise, "Holy fuck! How in the hell did that get up there?!"
<taxman> I drop it in the toilet, flush it and open the bathroom door, and my mom and wife are standing there, staring at me with their mouths half open.
<Rintin> holy shit lmao
<taxman> They haven't stopped making fun of me about it. So I'm here. :/
#279192
<Ahrotahntee> I found the most horrid naming convention today
<Ahrotahntee> and what's hilarious is it doesn't sound like a bad idea until you come across this specific example
<Ahrotahntee> I work with an AS/400 computer along with Icy on some days, they don't support long names
<Ahrotahntee> so I found a username or library name or something that was for an assistant (abbrievated ASST) Amer. The log entry read: 42 files changed by/in ASSTAMER
#54619
<@Zook> fuck
<@Zook> Sister wants on -_-
<fire> ouch
<@Zook> Yeah.
<@Zook> but what she doesnt know is i added her sites to Windows HOSTS file.
<@Zook> to redirect to 127.0.0.1
<@Me> huh?
<@Zook> In other words she tries to access her sites and it doesnt let her
<@Zook> and In other words ill be back real soon :p
#20759
<Snapper> Whats the Egyption word for slave?
<Terron> jew
<goaty> jew
<snuggles[away]> goddamn jew
<Happygay> dirty jew
#32118
(@Plex) crap i need to stop saying things outloud when i say them on irc
(@Plex) i said 'molest' and i think my mom heard.