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#3281
<ZeroZerv> I need condoms, but I dont want to go to a store to pick some up
<ZeroZerv> i'm timid
<aNuBiS-> ZeroZerv: timidly pull out
<Dildosaur> ZeroZerv: get some JB Weld, about a 1/4" ball, and shove it down your penile hole, wait for 3 hours
<ZeroZerv> wtf is that
<Dildosaur> that should do
<ZeroZerv> does that work?
#7767
<faustwork> the gf wants underwear for xmas
<faustwork> i cant stand going shopping for em tho
<faustwork> i feel like a goon
<faustwork> maybe its because i rub them all on my face
#52843
(Nick) baaahahahahaahhaahaha
(Nick) my mom just said "the frosty the snowman cartoon is a political allegory for communism"
(Nick) because the magician is refusing to give up his possession for the good of the society
(Nick) and in the end the commies win
#17239
< Danelope> I know what I need.
< Danelope> I need the cool shoeshine.
<@harb> Shoeshine?
<@harb> wt?
<@harb> If that has a double meaning, sign me up.
#3572
*** Villager has joined #akpcep
<Villager> damn AOL
<Joshua> ...
<Alexander> hi vill
<Joshua> jesus shit!
<Joshua> you ARE using AOL!
<Joshua> i thought you were joking...
#50342
<Shinji> Alright, let's put it this way.
<Shinji> Your body is a mansion, and your white blood cells keep it neat and tidy. AIDS comes along, and your WBCs go on vacation and AIDS is left over to watch the place.
<Shinji> They throw House Party 7
<Shinji> And invite all their disease friends for a wild and crazy time, trashing your body in the process
<Link> Then the whities come home and go "WTF!?"
<Shinji> The film goes direct to video and doesn't sell
<Shinji> THE END.
#28806
<tuls> i'll never tell
<LaLaLand> slut
<LaLaLand> you're name is slut spelled backwards
* LaLaLand is soo fucking slow
<tuls> you are name is slut spelled backwards
#50738
<seelet> the frat house down the road doesnt even have wep on
<seelet> wtf
<HaLLuCiN0> maybe they are to busy drinking beer, smoking weed, and fucking chicks
<seelet> :(
#24266
<InvaderZ> Organisers of a children's beauty contest have agreed to remove the swimsuit and "sexy body" categories from the pageant after protests by child rights activists
<Samah> zim thats actually pretty bad
<Samah> because it should be the child's right to wear that if they want
<Samah> so really they're removing their rights
<InvaderZ> hahaha
<InvaderZ> it's ok Samah ... i like seeing 3 year olds in swim suits too
<InvaderZ> err I mean ... I don't ...
<InvaderZ> ahh .. I'M AWESOME
* InvaderZ leaves
#3947
<Digital-^> i love brits , every time i hear someone mention a fag break all i can think of is someone knocking on my door , picking me up , and smoking me
#56930
<BobtheAvenger> how be you?
<GreyKnight> Currently trying to beat some C++ into submission
<GreyKnight> COMPILE YOU FREAK
<GreyKnight> I'm tempted to print the code out just so I can set fire to it
#43242
pthree : someone @ lucas films is looking at my site
pthree : now they're looking @ webcam
pthree : i put note up for them to email me
helf : heh
Austin : Hold up a cardboard sign reading "HIRE ME"
#2213
<purem> my sk00l had an anthrax scare today
<purem> it ended up being some poor guys coke :(
<purem> he's prolly gonna get expelled :/
<purem> or at least kicked outta the faculty
<purem> and then executed
<Morris> haha
<Morris> They mistook some coccaine for anthrax?
<purem> yeah
<Morris> hehe
<Morris> Poor guy
<Morris> All he wanted, was to do his lines.
<purem> ya
<purem> it's bad enough that he lost his coke, but he had to go and quarintine like 600 people into that building for like 4 hours
<purem> heh
<Morris> :/
<purem> rough day
<Morris> Coke heads around the world now lable their coke with "Not Anthrax" stickers.
<purem> "COCAINE INSIDE"
#18420
<Work|Calrathan> "there are 237,482 people in line infront of you. Do you wish to wait 525 hours to start your download?"
#190128
<steven> Ahruman: brainfuck is as esoteric as i have gotten
<steven> i wrote a speech synthesizer in brainfuck once
<steven> it worked better than Alex... but i lost the code one day
<astrange> you wrote a speech synthesizer in 8-bit fixed-point?
<Ahruman> I wrote a fish in BASIC one, and it was ___this big___, but it got away.
Comment: #ubuntu
#6860
* Alan wasn't aware Rap was an action figure.
Rapunzel452: Oh, yeah. Everyone wants a small plastic me adorning their shelf.
AlecWire: Or a large plastic blow-up you...
#308728
<myself> I'm reminded of alphawolf's story of tracking down some guy who was sending strange traffic, and turned out to live in the next town over.
<myself> Guy's personal website included a pic of himself holding a banana like a gun.
<myself> so, wolfie and Evil head over there, armed with bananas and an Ethereal printout. Bang on the door. Someone answers, looks like the guy in the pic.
<myself> <threatening banana-stance>TELNET POLICE. STOP PINGING GARGAMEL.</stance>
<myself> And they leave.
<myself> Stunned. Silence.
<myself> the packets stopped.
#308304
< Jan> dude when's the last time I've slept I'm seeing things
< Jan> I mean
< Jan> wait what do you call it when you see with your ears
#41494
(momossa) cubed: i want to let it go in her
(Cubed) then shes pregnant
(momossa) waht??
(eLe) Cuming in a girl -> pregnancy
(momossa) m.... let me google that
#7028
<Conskill> That kinda gun brings out the raving gun loving American in us all.
<The_Tick> Over and under shotgun. Three throwing knives. The ability to hide.
<Rain> yeah, seriously.
<Rain> The_tick - Huh?
<The_Tick> That's all you need.
<The_Tick> And it's cheeeep.
<Twinkcide> Rain: The bullets are embedded in cakes of propellant instead of casings. It was designed to overcome the problem of recoil pushing the barrel off target while firing in bursts
<Twinkcide> Has an insane ROF while in 3-round burst mode, and no recoil until the third round has left the barrel
<Pander> Tick: That won't kill a velociraptor.
<The_Tick> On the other hand, I'd sleep with that thing if I had one.
<Pander> I base all gun purchases on "Will this kill a velociraptor?"
#40409
elvira_> i told my psychiatrist that i was feeling suicidal, now he wants me to pay on a cash up front basis
#150311
l70uke: network connections says it cant find an IP address
dbbolton: open a web browser and type 192.168.1.1 in the address bar
dbbolton: what happens
l70uke: "please enter disk into drive a"
dbbolton: what the FUCK
#8134
*** Starlet is now known as StarBBS
<Jerub> BBS?
<Jerub> as in dialup?
<Jerub> whats the number?
<Jerub> is it subscription?
<Jerub> got a large file section?
<Jerub> is it on fidonet?
<StarBBS> bbs as in be back soon
#56641
mjl69> 98.5% of dna is considered to be junk dna with no known purpose. maybe it's xml tags.
#2666
(robb): my father passed away suddenly on thursday, and insted of spending time with him durring his final days i was too busy flooding your gay ass channel cuz you faggots decided to ban me.