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#12158
<Charion> hmm... lets see what other horrible ways might one inflict pain and death on ones self. we've got ripping off your own face disembowlment by belly button. any other ideas?
<BlakHawc> A simple one: be run over, feet first, by a very slow-moving steamroller.
<Jarp> Blak: And then you sorta bounce back up and grab a compressed air tank and reinflate yourself and your false eyes pop out?
<BlakHawc> Jarp: Well, only if you're a toon. Otherwise, you're pretty much fucked.
#28673
<cae> i wonder what sales calls will be like with video phones
<DarthBong> at least then you'll be able to flip them off
<DarthBong> or hang up a porn picture over the camera
<cae> hehe...print out goatse.cx pictures and flash them to unsuspecting sales people
<DarthBong> hehe
<keetz> hahaha
<DarthBong> "hang on a sec, i can't remember where I left my credit card.... Oh, i left it in.. (goatse.cx guy) HERE"
#14441
*** Meeko has joined #Animorphs
<Meeko> ennnik!
<Meeko> I've been pantsed while commando!
<Meeko> "What an interesting turn of events." "THEY'RE FLESH COLORED UNDERWEAR." "God, I wish."
<Meeko> So now I'm holed up inside for the rest of today, nurturing my wounded pride.
#122198
<bustatunez> it's like that couple from the folk tale
<bustatunez> where the woman buys her husband like a penisring, and the husband makes a necklace for her by cutting off his penis
<bustatunez> or something, I forget
<bustatunez> the point was that christmas fucks you up
#7786
<nakedpretzel> The pr()n industry uses interlaced .gif's to toy with my fragile emotions...
#66705
<Sean`Macmillan> In a consulting firm I worked for, they abbreviated "analysis" as "anal."
<Sean`Macmillan> So after a school survey was done, one of the items on the agenda was "School visits and follow-up anal."
#50466
<Shifter> fucking stupid bitch cunt whore skank peice of shit driver
<Shifter> some stupid bitch somes down my street, not realizing its a dead end
<Shifter> shes driving a fucking ford earth destroyer 2007
<Shifter> she goes to make a 3 point turn, realizes she cant without going over the curb
<Shifter> she just decides to drive up on my fucking yard and tear up my fucking grass
<Shifter> when she saw me on the front porch smoking a cig, she gave me one of those bitchy shrugs, and drove off.
<Shifter> god damnit i hate people.
#8526
<helminthes> haikus are real gay
<helminthes> cause they put limitations
<helminthes> on syllables used
#63545
<CtrlAltDestroy> Alright, so I was working at Steak n Shake today
<CtrlAltDestroy> There was this new girl
<CtrlAltDestroy> For her break, she wanted a chili 5-way
<CtrlAltDestroy> So we told her to make it herself cuz we were busy
<CtrlAltDestroy> So she goes to make it
<CtrlAltDestroy> And like most n00bs do at least once, she mistook the barbecue sauce for the spaghetti sauce
<CtrlAltDestroy> So she poured barbecue sauce on her 5-way.
<CtrlAltDestroy> I was sitting next to her when she started to eat it...
<CtrlAltDestroy> When she took a bite, she screamed
<CtrlAltDestroy> "OH MY GOD, WHAT THE FUCK, BARBEQUE?"
#50346
<orgbot> i broke a G string while fingering a minor
Comment: orgbot talking about his guitar
#30552
<Summoner> Archimedes, Newton and Pascal are playing Hide&Seek.
<Summoner> Archimedes is counting down, Pascal takes off and hides, but Newton takes few steps, turns around, comes behind Archimedes,puls aout a chalk, makes a square 1 meter by 1 meter and steps in it.
<Summoner> Archimedes finishes counting, turns around and, praise the Lord, sees him immideatly:
<Summoner> - A-Ha, Newton!!!
<Summoner> Newton smiles and says:
<Summoner> - No, this is Newton per sqare meter, and that's Pascal.
#17080
<mrkikass> i mean if she took her pants off im sure id get plenty of energy real quick but other than that i didnt feel like it
#910
<Kury^> the other day i found out that my Uni's fire evacuation policy for ppl with wheelchairs is to 'push them into a room, close the door, escape and then give the room number to the firemen'
#32691
<@winterstick> ok, about time to go to school
<@winterstick> learn about social problems! oh boy!
<+BalefireX> man
<+BalefireX> you hang out in IRC
<+BalefireX> you know ALL ABOUT social problems
Comment: #gideontech
#31141
<IceWizard> time to call aol!
<IceWizard> cuz eye yam bored and their reps are fun to talk to
<J3anyus> IceWizard: hawhaw
<IceWizard> im serious!
<IceWizard> call them and say you heard about aol and want to sign up but dont know where to find a disc
<IceWizard> tell them they should make them easier to find
#11196
<[OsP]Magus> Awesome, my font is back to normal
<[OsP]Magus> Okay, this is getting to be nifty
<[OsP]Magus> Only things that'll still take some getting used to are the channels on the bottom, and in alphabetical order
<Crazy-Man-Dan> lol
<Crazy-Man-Dan> Geek alert
<Crazy-Man-Dan> Magus redecorated IRC
#301716
S: Cute coworker is cute
Mabbo: Don't you have a boyfriend?
S: I have a boyfriend, not a visual impairment
#27473
<S|ip> if I wanted to see scenery I'd go to google. Like, I know the resolution would be better if I actually decided to go hiking, but I'd have to get up...
#13887
<BlackNovember> Yesterday when I woke up I found my missing Borknagar CD under my pillow.
<WinterDemon> Yeah, that's the "Cum residue on your hand fairy"s way of repaying you for the left over man juice on your hand after you finished beating off and passed out with your hand under the pillow.
<BlackNovember> Whoa, so if i jerk off tonight and put my hand under my pillow, I'll wake up with a Rotting Christ album under it?
<WinterDemon> Yes, but not the album with a bonus disc, that would be too greedy
#308326
(On the topic of socialization)
< qkumber1> I just pretend everyone is NPCs
< qkumber1> works wonders
#300860
<spigwitmerdicks> so i had this cool dream where i was in the hospital in a body cast and could only communicate with pen & paper, which for some reason i drew a dick on a paper that i gave back to a nurse. a bunch of a nurses and doctors then gathered around it puzzled by the possible interpretations of what i wanted while i just laughed my ass off cause i just felt like drawing a fucking dick
#36442
<Philth> Trivia-Bot v1.2
<Philth> Complete the Following
<Philth> 1) _______ ___._._._
<Philth> Hint: /_e_ve_ 1_7._.0._
<Angela> Uhh.
<Philth> Hint: /se_ver 127._.0._
<BloodSpoon> 127.0.0.1
<Angela> server 127.0.0.1
-!- Angela [~asdfg@d226-127-173.home.cgocable.net] has quit ["TrenzTerra Tornado (Seagull) - http://trenzterra.uni.cc"]
#309035
<steelerman82> What does the vile sword do?
<mrgreaper|game> you hold the blunt end and put the pointy end into an enemy (repeat as needed)
#56465
-!- EvilTaxi [blah@eviltaxi.rh.rit.edu] has joined #Ikaruga
-!- EvilTaxi [blah@eviltaxi.rh.rit.edu] has left #Ikaruga []
< snacky> and don't come back
< NuclearDog> Yeah. Asshole.
< snacky> seriously
< snacky> that guy makes me sick
-!- EvilTaxi [blah@eviltaxi.rh.rit.edu] has joined #Ikaruga
< snacky> hello friend
< EvilTaxi> hello
< snacky> let's trade dessert recipes please
#245213
<ilanbg> dude, during the debate Palin was pwning Obama on the way he was voting
<ilanbg> and two or three times Biden just responded, "first of all, McCain voted the same way......"
<ilanbg> and I wish there was just a crowd there that could be like, "ohhhhhhh"
<ilanbg> instead of a moderator, the debated needed an M.C.
<ilanbg> who could go, "oh snap, homie, you just got SERVED"