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#308345
<eli> lesson learned: rm ** does not just remove all files that end with * :/
#10465
<Squinky> Are all Vietnamese people named Nguyen or something?
<Sopabuena> Yes
<Squinky> I know about 8 with that last name, but none with a different one
<Sopabuena> If you go to Vietnam and shout "NGUYEN" everyone will look at you
#7588
<human> beethoven and mozart should have had a kid
<human> then marry this kid to enya
<human> then have their children play with a roland xp-30
<human> then you'll get some nice tunes
#22200
<Big_Mike> I hate Celine Dion. So much I refuse to spell her name correctly.
<TheMan649> you did spell her name correctly.
<Big_Mike> Did i?
<TheMan649> Yes.
<Big_Mike> Shit.
#305734
<Sylnai> I once wrote a game for DOS which provided tactile feedback if you had your hand inside the printer
#7294
<parox> man near killed myself carrying a 60kg UPS today!!!
<parox> had to carry it up some steps, put the back out I think
<bytraper> 60kg's?? I know how you feel dude... I once carried that weight in each arm once while I was running
<parox> what the hell were you doing carring that sort of weight while you were running??? you in training or something?
<bytraper> no I was stealing the stuff and somebody saw me...
#268831
<bobjam> Demonstrators in Cairo demanded Tuesday that Saudi Arabia release an Egyptian doctor sentenced to 15 years in prison and 1,500 lashes after he was convicted of malpractice reportedly after treating a Saudi princess.
<bobjam> saudi arabia is bad.
<Snow> But I bet their malpractice insurance costs are lower than ours.
#10474
<Charlesowns> Man i was surfin porn and like "normal" surfin at the same time, so my mom comes in and i quick as hell tab down the porn. So now im looking at a SWAT vest and an Mp5 submachinegun trying to hide the giant penis in my pants. Then all of a sudden this realy gay male voice speaks out realy loud goin "i want to suck your big dick ans swallow your hot sperm" then like 100 popups open up all consisting of hardcore fetish gay
<Charlesowns> man my mom started crying and now she thinks im gay... it owns
#47009
<noisypop> meh what am I gonna do for 2 hours
<raw3> jack me off
<noisypop> then what for the remaining 1 hour and 59 minutes?
#12746
<ArtyMorty> we kill all the jehovah's witnesses once and for all, either we get some
peace and quiet or we get hit by lightning from a clear sky
#50332
<BlackDeth> flipping through the channels i stumbled on that religion channel
<BlackDeth> and the guy is saying how now with mpeg4 digital compression they can broadcast several versions of their show simultaneously
<BlackDeth> then he went on to say how its gods plan and how mpeg came to us from god to spread his word
<BlackDeth> that was the best shit ive ever seen
#32893
<+RageAgainsttheAmish> this incence im burning owns
<@Aunt_Jemima> that reminds me of a story
<@Aunt_Jemima> i was at my friends house
<@Aunt_Jemima> and he is a complete stoner
<@Aunt_Jemima> but his dad is a born again christian
<@Aunt_Jemima> and he was burning incense
<@Aunt_Jemima> his dad walks in the door and says in a southern accent
<@Aunt_Jemima> "son, i dont want you burning that incense. its the gateway to drugs"
#37376
<Nesta> The maker doesn't need it,
<Nesta> The buyer doesn't use it,
<Nesta> The user uses it without knowing.
<Nesta> What is it?
<el draco> damn i know this
<el draco> the grave thing
<el draco> i dont know how to say in english
<el draco> the box you wear when you die
#996
<Pioneer`> _raven: you couldnt configure a toilet
#1849
<Athena-X> have you ever tried to make a ':|' face in real life? try and do it without looking stupid and/or retarded. it's quite a challenge!
#13476
<[cr0wz]> my dildo hurts
<_SuPeR_Fly_> my arse hurts
<wisteria101> see a doc
<[cr0wz]> i wonder why
* FadeJade sees a connection
#15663
<WintrHawk> you know... 100hz is the resonance freq of a chicken head
<WintrHawk> a power company found that out the hard way
#117599
<Celox> I'd be terrible with kids, specifically bedtime stories, I can't lie to kids
<Celox> they'd ask me if that really happened and I'd just say no, citing all the historical and scientific inaccuracies
<Celox> then I'd explain human psychology as best we understand it as a means of further proving that would never happen because people don't really act like that
<Celox> but then I'd reassure them that due to quantum physics in an alternate dimension far away from here it is entirely possible that something did happen that was at least fairly similar to the story even though we have no worldly form of proving it within our collective lifetimes
<Celox> then I'd say goodnight
#7216
<eod> echo "\$cd pub" >t-shirt
<eod> echo "\$more beer" >>t-shirt
<eod> heh
<weis> cat t-shirt | sed s/beer/whiskey/ >better_t-shirt
#8094
<Perforator\zzz> my grandma was going thru my room today for some ungodly reason and found some of my gf's clothes she "accidently" left here.
<Perforator\zzz> i'm all, "i like to wear black panties, DAMNIT"
#7902
<Affe> dude why isa alcohol legal and weed not?
<Ouro[420]> I know
<Affe> i can type and drive stoned off my ass no proeblem
<Ouro[420]> Yeah
<Affe> but drunk i can't'ed do to jack shit
<Ouro[420]> Like type
<Ouro[420]> And think
<Affe> exvatcyL!
#35733
<goatasaur> heh, at work today
<goatasaur> i was playing around with outlook's calendar/organizer thing
<goatasaur> and i noticed that you can go, like, hundreds of years into the future
<goatasaur> so on march 1st, 3004, i put "1000th anniversary at cornerstone - a pot luck lunch will be organized in my honor"
Comment: #fark
#26312
<IgWannA> why do scots wear kilts? ..... because sheep have gotten used to the sound of a zipper
#2082
<Brentai> Michael who?
<TonsOfFun-MasterToSmallGirls> J. Fox, Brent.
<Brentai> Oh, he's only mostly dead.
<Thom> Hutchence. An Australian rock star of little talent.
<Thom> Died having a wank.
<Brentai> Poor guy.
<Thom> Whilst hanging off've the back of a door by his tie.
<DigiGnome> His last words were "OH GOD! I'm COMING!" He never knew how right he was.
#11648
<Homer> Hydrac7: $400 Cdn or less now, get a job for like two weeks
<Hydrac7> How much is that in USD?
<Homer> like $12