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#18282
[cyclochuu] any of u guys ever fuck a watermelon after its been in the microwave
#27931
<taglin> ok, so te pretty menu came up and is asking you to add drives?
<suds> yeh
<suds> done that
<taglin> k... whats next?
<suds> weee
<suds> hang on a sec...
<suds> need more rum+coke+spritz of lime
<suds> :)
<taglin> heh
<taglin> i think some of the problems with this crazy install could be alcohol related
#54224
<EFX> I saw a black guy with a shirt on the other day that said " keep staring, maybe I'll steal your car "
#15663
<WintrHawk> you know... 100hz is the resonance freq of a chicken head
<WintrHawk> a power company found that out the hard way
#8734
Walter39: I woke up in a ditch last night
Walter39: Not sure why
Walter39: Family left me, i cant afford pants
Walter39: But on a plus note, I finally won master status at Everquest
#45516
<gelfie> stupid cow at work threatened to report me for animal cruelty.
<gelfie> she's chatting in the cubicle next to mine with someone about Atkins. I said I put my cat on Atkins.
<gelfie> she goes on with this spiel about how it'll damage his liver, leech calcium from his bones, ruin his heard yaddah yaddah
<gelfie> stupid bitch. HE'S A CAT. HE JUST EATS MEAT. THATS WHAT CATS DO.
<gelfie> wish I could be there to hear the ASPCA rep on the other end when she calls
#286
<Infe> what happens if you try to recharge an alkaline battery
<HomerJ> blows up
<Andrigaar> Don't they explode?
<Andrigaar> I wonder if it's violent or just some leaking battery acid.
<Infe> i think it's all a scam to get you to pay more for 'rechargeables' and ---
<Infe> AHHHHHHHHHHH MY FACE
<Infe> AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
#224117
<Scopes13mtg> Anybody know a good place to buy Russian singles online?
<Scopes13mtg> edit: To clarify, I am looking for Magic cards.
#10945
<@Ded|> filled another glass of wine while I was at it
<@Ded|> oh damn someone else just pulled up w00t party on
<@oak> its me
<@oak> i'm there to slap you for drinking boxed wine
#36475
<SocialMadClown> and your a wife-beater
<Mayseth> I don't even have a wife
<Mayseth> How can I possibly beat something I don't have. That'd be like you trying to masturbate or something.
#7999
<mewse> i got moderated as a troll on slashdot for defending the mummy returns
#16481
<Johnny-5> i just measured my dick and i was like 'yay ten inches' then i realised i was looking at centimeters. life can be so hard sometimes.
#257781
<Kyle> December is just around the corner, and you know what that means.
<st0ned> Christmas?
<Kyle> no
<Kyle> DOCTOR WHO CHRISTMAS SPECIAL 2008
#3572
*** Villager has joined #akpcep
<Villager> damn AOL
<Joshua> ...
<Alexander> hi vill
<Joshua> jesus shit!
<Joshua> you ARE using AOL!
<Joshua> i thought you were joking...
#24141
<fnord> bash.org's back up!
<r0b0> OMG!!! YES!!!!
<r0b0> it's so fast too!!!
<r0b0> OMGOMGOMG IM SO HAPPY!!!!!!
<fnord> ...
<fnord> You sad, pathetic little man.
#310941
Chillum: the most evil thing I have ever made is a tiny USB stick that when inserted in a computer pretends to be a keyboard and turns on/off CAPS LOCK every minute or so randomly
Chillum: it drives people insane
dmacks_away: Luckily I have a case-insensitive filesystem and a shell that is so crappy it doesn't even realize when a command is miscapitalized.
legoktm: you use PHP as your shell?
#18653
[ssinct] how do you spell the light sabre noise?
[quxx] bzhhzhhh
[crc1] phszzzzt
[quxx] zazazaza
[ssinct] sznnnnnnggggg sznnnggggggggg
[phantom1] cough cough
#26404
<bin_Laden> Some English teacher got beaten to death a couple months ago.
<Morris> hahaha
<Morris> must've given an AP student a B
#31936
<Biggs`> X_Raided|, I sent you an E-card :)
<Biggs`> type /server mail to read it!
* X_Raided| has quit IRC (Signed off)
#37896
<TrafficCone> So I'm talking to my friend the day after I nailed his older sister in the bathroom ofthe local movie theater
<TrafficCone> and he starts going off about some time i made a total ass of my self in front of some girl i liked in high school when i was drunk
<FKNPWNED> Go on...
<TrafficCone> and there's a freaking platoon of people i don't want to hear this shit around, so i pipe up and say,
<TrafficCone> "Hey dude, your sister likes it when I slap her in the face with my Dick"
<TrafficCone> The next thing I know, I'm in the emergency room. The bastard knocked me out with a chair leg.
Comment: 0wn3d
#295284
Tenacious: ...yahoo mail is too easy to get into...
Tenacious: all you need is someone's birthday and a general knowledge of them
Ghostman: lol
Ghostman: whose account did you break into?
Tenacious: someone broke into my brothers...so I broke in again, and went in, changed his security question
Tenacious: someone got into his email first...then used that to get into his facebook and change his status to 'I am masturbating'
#2535
<gloone> seriously, i can watch porn for like 500 hours straight and still not get bored..
<gloone> without jax0ring or anything..
<gloone> there's something wrong with me :|
#213047
<mancha> the ancient greeks believed the heart was the thinking organ
<mancha> of course, we know now they were wrong. it's the penis.
<DemisM> Mancha: What´s the female´s thinking organ?
<mancha> DenisM, exactly!
#34218
<Slime> I think in ten years time I will look back on days like this and cry.
<Slime> The times I spent at 2am talking about girls who have dicks and legs made of slugs eating each other whilst melting.
<Slime> My future wife will be all "Tell me what you did as a teenager" and I will say "NOW IS TIME FOR SLEEP"
<MechaMrEd> And then you'll notice she has an erection
#14466
<Amante> Do you guys know how many 24hr porno shops they have going down 75?
<@Breathe> 138.
<@Breathe> And you don't want to know how I know that.
<Amante> I thought I recognized your picture :)