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#8491
<rafeil> i had a dream i had 3 penis's of varying legnth and direction
<rafeil> and 2 girls were sucking on them, but they were sucking on the numb ones. only one had feeling. it was like the head of the hydra myth
<helminthes> no.. not the numb ones.. oh god no.. {wakes up violently in cold sweat}
#26338
visualwealth: you know whats funny?
visualwealth: i was writing my paper for like 8 hours straight now
visualwealth: and ive achieved more in last two hours than the six hours before
visualwealth: i really have some concentration issues
onkeybutt87: haha
onkeybutt87: seriously...
onkeybutt87: maybe you should go to, like, a concentration camp
#4730
(skankman) oaid, halo is when two gay guys put their dicks in each others mouths, but the rule is it cant touch the lips or tongue or anything. the only thing it can touch if anything is the tonsil, and they both do it at the same time, and they dont have sex until they do it perfect.
(Emo|Cuomo) GROSS SKANKMAN
(Emo|Cuomo) I MEANT THE FUCKING XBOX GAME
(skankman) yeah whatever, you sick fuck.
#310769
<Taisa> Hey Dan would it be creepy and/or manipulative to try and hit up my ex around the time her menstrual cycle normally clocks at "hornier than usual" or is that just me doing what nature expects me to do
<Rapestove> that sounds like both
<Dan_Maku> Well given you know about it and have tipped your hand towards using it, the former
<Doktor_Q> Those two aren't mutually exclusive at all
<Dan_Maku> Also that
<Dan_Maku> If you're horny just be honest with her about it
<Dan_Maku> ...And maybe don't mention that you keep tabs on her fucking menstural cycle
<Doktor_Q> Nature half expects you to kill your competition's children, this is considered a bad thing today
<Ursarkar_E_Creed> Social Minmaxing and sociopathy go hand in hand
<Taisa> I do like minmaxing...
#53901
<galisus> I think I realized I'd never touch Linux again when I was like.. "Holy shit I never have to deal with X11 EVER again.."
<galisus> It was like my first blowjob all over again.
<galisus> Good times.
#33699
<AlmtyBob> I once hit this girl over the head with a shovel in the alley
<AlmtyBob> and while she lie wimpering on the ground
<AlmtyBob> I pissed all over her
<AlmtyBob> then I burnt her to death
<AlmtyBob> oh wait...that was postal 2
<@AlmtyBob> nm
Comment: #ramen
#513
<goh`> in my system.ini i'll change 'Shell=Explorer.exe' to 'Shell=quake2.exe'
#50599
<Rev> I dunno, now I have an extra hour, kinda. I mean, it'll FEEL like I do.
<Rev> But only for today.
<Rev> So I have to use it wisely.
<Nick> porn.
<Rev> Right.
<Inferno> Agreed.
<Rev> An extra hour of porn.
Comment: Daylight savings time
#299433
* mib_a1mlh (43a93d21@widget.mibbit.com) has joined #buddhism
<mib_a1mlh> im a new buhdist and was wondering what should i focus on
* Quits: mib_a1mlh (43a93d21@widget.mibbit.com) (Client Quit)
<@urgen> focus on staying longer...
<@urgen> either that or spelling
Comment: efnet
#305607
(fahadsadah) BT Openreach engineers are issued a booklet, entitled "Get it right first time"
(fahadsadah) Telling them how annoying faults are.
(fahadsadah) The current one says, on the front, "Get it right first time, Second Edition".
#55139
< Yaakov> Humans can divide things into two by eye very accurately.
< RichiH> Yaakov: laser eyes?
#27907
<cyborgd17> this is fucked up, i hadn't jerked for about 1 week *out of boredom :|* and all these girls start flirting with me for some reason, then i finally free up some room in the ol' nutsack and i'm a loveless geek again! no-one comes near me....masturbation sends out bad vibes!
<twistoliver> you're such a fucktard, don't you know everytime that you masturbate, god kills a kitten
<hellyeh15> yeh, you must of killed their cats
<cyborgd17> that makes sense, cuz i've killed enough kittens to make a kitten bridge to the moon...and back
<jonbridgenash> wait wait wait...hold up.....girls?
#11509
<amit> I DO THIS FOR ALLAH!
<FBI> we have Allah in a secure facility
#2105
<RockShox> greddy is pretty high quality stuff
<RockShox> i prefer apexi exhausts tho
<ocx> for cars?
<RockShox> no for bicycles
#39543
ingannilo (8:52:41 PM): it was occuring to me that I'd be fine working like 50 hours/weed at publix if I was high, 'cause I could totaly space out and still do my job
ingannilo (8:52:55 PM): hours/week
ingannilo (8:52:59 PM): freudian slip slidin' right into the unemployment line.
#34139
<Valeria> This is my computer. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My computer is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it, as I must master my life.
<Valeria> Without me my computer is useless. Without my computer, I am useless. I must use my computer well. I must K-Line faster than my enemy who is trying to K-Line me.
<Valeria> I must pwn him before he pwns me. I will. Before God I swear this creed. My computer and myself are defenders of my server. We are the masters of our enemy. We are the saviours of my life. So be it .. . until there is no enemy ... but Microsoft. Amen.
#26285
<AL9000> I'm gonna make my girlfriend a valentine with the goatse man on it, and it will have a caption that reads "I love you thiiisss much!"
#45613
<makeboss> Thankfully though, the price of DivX rips has remained constant over the past 52 weeks, and will continue into the next quarter according to industry insiders.
<D-viant> well thats good news
<D-viant> I'm not sure I can deal with anything more than free
Comment: #ramen
#25619
<clay> if i take an open wire from my motherboard and stick it in a cup of water will it do anything
<jonathans> yes
<jonathans> it will heat the water
#25612
<Tracer[Quoting]> a friend of mine told me once that he is so unlucky that if he would fall into a barrel of nipples, he would come out sucking his thumb
<eelhovercraft> The concept of a barrel full of nipples frightens me
#526
<matt`> <goh`> guilty you spelt speed wrong
<goh`> spelled*
<McMoo> <goh`> YOUR USUALLY SO CAREFUL
<goh`> you're*
<goh`> you guys are assholes
#44151
<Alkaline2k> i have no soul after goatse
<Alkaline2k> it's like a black abyss that sucks in all joy
<Alkaline2k> and then it just ruins my day when i have to reach in there and take it back out
#31933
<sdfdtailgrep> Things I learned today:
<sdfdtailgrep> * About 10% of all people on the road are good samaritans
<sdfdtailgrep> * It's actually quite fun to be stuck in a ditch, when you have a mp3 CD player and some music.
<sdfdtailgrep> * Snowplows in Guelph cover both directions of a rural road every 30 minutes
<sdfdtailgrep> * Les Quebecios have a swiss-army knife of knowledge, tools, and experience when it comes to rescuing stranded cars
<sdfdtailgrep> * All the winter tires in the world are not going to stop you from being a complete dumbass
<sdfdtailgrep> * Flat land does not mean solid land, there might be a ditch under that snow
Comment: #railfan irc.oftc.net
#43586
<HauntedUnix> Don't mention milking in my presence, had a rather unusual meeting yesterday with someone..
<Dave2|Laptop> HauntedUnix, milking?
<HauntedUnix> Dave2|Laptop: Do you honestly want me to explain?
<Dave2|Laptop> yes
<HauntedUnix> As a Prefect, I get the amazing fun to go visit primary schools, for the whole.. Year 7 introduction thing. One of the year 4s came up to me and said.. "The teacher is a cow.. we milk her boobies"
<Ebola> HauntedUnix: Did he explain the milkng process? :P
<HauntedUnix> Ebola: I said "That's nice.." and ran away
#8539
<teste_fly> wish me luck on my date tonihgt guys
* aquacavi crosses fingers
* dr_rotcod crosses his penises
<teste_fly> :0
<aquacavi> the secret is out ladies and gentlemen