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#6848
<Iggz> i had a touching experience on the subway today
<Iggz> i sat beside a priest
<spoon> kinky
<Iggz> ......
#546
<KidHype> discovery channel should have a droppy tits from around the world week
* PtitFous undresses then
<MikeDX> except its shown on CNN and called "world famine report"
#53475
<veeeeee> so Brittanys gynecologist was giving Brittany a pap smear and the gyne is like, "I have a son who is 26, and hes really into artists...would you mind if I gave you his number?"
<jessecrouch> hahahhhHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH
<ecks> veeeeee: wow, how inappropriate and creepy.
<ecks> goddamn
<veeeeee> yeah. Id feel pretty confident with my vagina though after that. Like a gynecologist wanted my vagina to be her vagina-in-law
#34505
<philth> I quit reading after to kill a mockingbird gave no advice on how to kill a mackingbird
#37416
<@AlmtyBob> man
<@AlmtyBob> alcoholics take themselves too seriously
<@AlmtyBob> some dude comes up to me wanting to cancel a day off he'd put in
<@AlmtyBob> saying he didn't remember why he put it in the first place, nothing was going on except his one year anniversary of not drinking
<@AlmtyBob> so I said smth like, "Hey! Steve and I are going downtown on Thursday, come down to the bar and we'll celebrate"
<@AlmtyBob> he wasn't amused
<@AlmtyBob> if you can't joke about yourself who can you joke about?
#20632
<Manuva> who keeps uploading the college fuckfest shit? Cause it sucks
<Minion> one of em was okay, I didn't download it from the ftp tho
<Manuva> but they're so obviously fucking staged
<Manuva> It's like they're saying "Hey this is what happens at college and you're missing it fag!"....but it's bullshit :(
<Minion> so what
<Minion> who cares if its fucking authentic
<Manuva> Me...I wanna see some bitch get clubbed in the face by a lamp and get beastfucked by 3 guys
#42112
<glasnost> hmm, i've eaten too much chinese food, i'm becoming asian
<glasnost> :-)
<glasnost> :_)
<glasnost> ^_)
<glasnost> ^_^
<blah> also
<blah> 8======D
<blah> 8=====D
<blah> 8====D
<blah> 8===D
#32220
<notlodar> i sent them cash in the mail, is that bad?
<mrpeabody> notlodar: that's good, sending credit card info over the internet isn't safe
<mrpeabody> because of hackers
<mrpeabody> and also viruses
<mrpeabody> and possibly linux
#22
<`Xenocide> Bolstered by the state of Kansas' recent measure removing the requirement for the teaching of evolution in public schools, yesterday afternoon the Mississippi legislature passed a bill eliminating fractions and decimal points from the mathematics curriculum of all public secondary schools in the state.
#6912
<pvx> why do these psycho's always msg my bot?
<xf> Because that is what psychos do.
<MenTaLguY> more to the point, why do a majority of them seem to be from Brazil?
<xf> Because that is where psychos live.
#103671
WeenieBeenie419: tell me a joke
NeverWakeUp1229: Okay
NeverWakeUp1229: Kate, Dana and I are drunk at a bar. Who drives home and why?
WeenieBeenie419: umm... i dunno?
NeverWakeUp1229: I do, because women can't drive!
WeenieBeenie419: you prick
NeverWakeUp1229: Wait, this isn't Matt is it?
WeenieBeenie419: no, im his gf
NeverWakeUp1229: Oh good, I thought it was his mom
NeverWakeUp1229: bitch.
#9290
<pork> gudrow: what about when you're driving and eating a sloppy meat pie and you sneeze really hard into the pie and squeeze it and the meat comes out and scalds your legs and you're doing 120 and can't do anything about it trying to wipe snot from your steering wheel and scalding hot pie
<pork> cause i did that once and it sucked
#40752
<WillDeed> god damn I'm smooth
<WillDeed> so I went to 7-11 to buy a pack of smokes
<WillDeed> and the chick starts flirting with me because
<WillDeed> well
<WillDeed> you know
<WillDeed> she pulls down a pack, hides it, and says "sorry, we're out of those *giggle*"
<WillDeed> and I tried to laugh without laughing to show courtesy but to show it wasn't funny
<WillDeed> and it came out as a snort
<WillDeed> and the rest of the transaction was made in silence
<WillDeed> and I kinda ran into the door when I was leaving
<WillDeed> <- smooth
#17323
<[Banned-H]G-Daddy> oh geez, oh geez... my roomate was doing a mission in GTA3 (the one where you pick up the limo and all the mafia guys), well anyways, all the fish trucks are hitting him and blocking him in. finally he gets by but not before he catches fire and blows up.. he then punches his monitor, that's when i leave. i hear a keyboard getting slapped something hitting a wall and stuff falling off his desk.. all to the words of "FUCK YOU, FUCK THIS, GOD DAMNIT! FUCK FUCK FUCK SHIT!!!" oh jesus, he was sincere too.. it's like that vid where the guy threw his monitor down the stair well
#70206
<Luuseens> i drank some espresso today.. the conversation went something like this -
<Luuseens> seller.echo ("Would you want me to add some water to your espresso?":
<Luuseens> me.echo ("No, ");
<Luuseens> //me.echo ("you dont add water to my espresso, ignorant bitch, cause then it becomes plain coffe.");
<Luuseens> me.echo ("thank you. :) ");
#35813
(Biggs`) LOL omg
(Biggs`) my server just started beeping
(Biggs`) like really fast
(Biggs`) I was like "WTF?!"
(Biggs`) then I realised my laptop was resting on the keyboard
(@ddew|bofh) hehehe
(Biggs`) I thought the fucker had caught fire for a minute :/
#3891
(|Chris) it's the gift that keeps on giving
(Amanda`) Herpes?
#33882
denisbaldwin: I think I love you...
denisbaldwin: So what am I so afraid of...
denisbaldwin: I'm afraid that I'm not sure of...
denisbaldwin: A love there is no cure for.
alexusslave: like herpes?
#22995
<nover> I think methamphetimines is the only word over 5 letters you hobags know how to spell
#54292
<Retro> I always wonder if people who watch anime are all playing the world's longest practical joke on the rest of the world
#12169
<Guyp> i want to join the red army and then kill the capitalist snake!
<Guyp> hmmm
<Guyp> you cant join the russian army online :(
#48324
<HellPopeHuey> So, didja get some real work?
<Epoch> yeah, today I cleaned viruses off a pc at a baptist church... viruses obtained by SURFING PR0N
<HellPopeHuey> Jesus saves... your History
#17067
<Fro> i thought you had 24/7 support
<@TEKnoFLVA> yes but that doesn't mean you can use it 24/7
#111707
<Russa> but english is the dumbiest and easyest language to understand ever
#6070
<psychicbug> ok, take the bible in a .txt document and open it in notepad. shift every first letter to the right 1, and save it as an .avi. turns out, its a cumshot vid