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#27969
<@kingmob> yeah, it's definitely a three-cup-of-coffee day
<@kingmob> have to go the fucking laundromat
<@kingmob> or do i?
* kingmob searches desperately for even one more pair of boxers
#8647
<helminthes> I WAS RUDELY AWAKENED
<helminthes> the pest control people showed up
<helminthes> and obviously this guy had a sense of humor and sprayed by face with pesticide
<helminthes> oh he's so funny
<helminthes> i'm never sleeping in the den again
#51310
<Aeturnus> i want a tattoo of jesus that has a tattoo of me on his arm
#25302
<m477[Lain]> Customer: "I don't have a cdrom drive, and the CD is too big to fit in the floppy drive. And the software store won't take it back. So you have to help me install this, because it's all your fault. If you had sold me the version of Windows I wanted, I wouldn't have had to buy Windows 95."
#3167
<myst> nah, snow is cool.
<Joshua> if you're a bear.
<myst> skiing, snowboarding, etc.
<myst> just have to dress for it
<Joshua> that's how i broke my arm for the first time
<Joshua> snowboarding
<myst> oh ouch
<Joshua> or rather, falling down a hill because you SUCK at snowboarding
#16715
<Omega> why do your parents hate you
<Rai> they dont like it that I never come home... I've become somewhat of a drifter of late, till I work things out with airlines/bus
<Rai> I travel to friends houses on my bike, up and down the highway and sleep where I can
<Rai> its fun
<Omega> lol
<Omega> so your a hobo
<Rai> we prefer to be called "domestically challenged"
#125661
<@DJ> Oh man.
<@DJ> I got so excited.
<@DJ> I saw Pokemon the First Season on sale.
<@DJ> And almost bought it.
<@DJ> Then I remembered I was 18.
#30864
<FireEgl> *I* have guacamole flavored Doritos.
<FireEgl> They always make my poop green. =)
<FireEgl> I'm like my own Playdough Funfactory.. I get to pick what colors come out! =D
#37314
<Redd_Jedi> When people say "Have you been penetrated" does that mean have they been shot?
<Plog> o_O
<Squirtle> O_O
<Redd_Jedi> What?
<Plog> Redd_Jedi: When you have a man and a woman.
<Redd_Jedi> WHOA WHOA WHOA I DONT LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING
<Plog> they order a bird to drop a baby down their chimney.
<Plog> And the baby is penetrating the chimney you see. >_>
<Redd_Jedi> So that's what it means <_<
#310212
<Bike> When I imagine x86 I imagine a Swiss Family Robinson style treehouse, with parts continually bursting into flame underneath as they build higher and higher on the broken remnants of what they slapped together last week.
#305467
< ArtForz> work is failure to efficiently procrastinate.
#18406
<metroid23> wtf... i heard this kind of "knock" on my front door, i go to check and theres a dead squirrel on my NEIGHBORS porch O_o
<ScumDog> does it look injured?
<metroid23> its fucking dead
<Gaffect> fell from a tree?
<metroid23> hahaha, right, on the nearest tree (50 feet away) and then being projected 45 feet horizontally and then falling thru two stories of concrete :)
<metroid23> poor guy
#8716
<relapse> what distribution are you running
<aur__> windows
#39110
<duckman> yo fubar
<Fubar> ya?
<duckman> wat u doin
<Fubar> guess...
<Fubar> it's something you have to do around 3 times a day or you can die very soon...
<duckman> masturbating?
<technic> mastubate?
<avin> masturbate?
<biggie> jerkin off?
<Fubar> ...
<Fubar> EATING! IM EATING
#116245
<Trinexx> Holy crap that was awkward...
<Trinexx> neighbour of mine called and asked me to attend a surprise party she was throwing for her husband
<Trinexx> About 30 minutes after he showed up, she announced to him and the rest of us that she was pregnant.
<Trinexx> Mike says "Honey, I've been meaning to tell you, but..."
<Trinexx> "I'm sterile."
<Trinexx> I grabbed my coat and left.
#306526
[discussing an artist's depiction of sleep paralysis]
<Rena> also I get the demon on her chest, but why is there a horse peeking in?
<XkeeperLaptop> Freud?
<RedSnifit> It's a night mare.
#25601
<^Tony_Soprano^> TommyT, we all knw that all girls on mirc are guys, all guys are guys, and little boys are FBI agents
#33975
xdev0luti0nx: If chinese food is too americanized, I never like it
Serrated Sp00n: lol. All chinese food is americanized, Hannah.
Serrated Sp00n: Real chinese people couldn't afford to eat chinese food the way we do.
#37688
<Naked> I like my Motorola phone because it has a rocketship function. On a full charge I can make it to the moon.
<Naked> Top that north. :P
<mrk> mines so small it makes good for foreplay
<mrk> phone ¬_¬
Comment: #futuremark
#6613
<@arioch> the UT chicks looked too manly for my tastes
<@arftron> serious
<@meiso> wtf she is sexy
<@meiso> her beard is pure ripe for stroking
#8075
<minkus> ohh my god these pies taste great
<minkus> if only i could fuck them
<minkus> WAIT! I CAN
#1208
<mike> how do you make a dead baby a submarine
<Ron> hmm i don't know mike
<Ron> how do you
<mike> you fill it with seamen
#8571
## baguette is away since Mon Sep 10 12:31:41 2001 -- fuck
<screampuff> gee, that's not a bad reason to be away...
#299993
<Dingo> I hate snipers <.<
<Starcraftmazter> I don't see any snip-
#56603
<evilAdmin> I feel like a dolt
<evilAdmin> sitting in a meeting with da b0ss
<evilAdmin> I screwed up a IT expendature report... Put down Win 2003 Enterprise when we needed standard just from downloadin' it off BT as a habbit. It stuck another $3000 on the report by accident.
<evilAdmin> B0ss asked me about it. My first reaction, I kid you not, was this little hand-twitch thing that would have otherwise been CTRL-Z.
<evilAdmin> The b0ss caught it. He said "Did you just press Undo?", and I said "Yeah, now I need to enter the infinite money cheat". He just stared at me.
<evilAdmin> Then him and his 4 goons all started laughing at me :(. My job sux