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#311438
<ednos> lol, I accidentally started a flame war in work IRC about the gopher protocol
<ednos> I fucking love this company
Comment: they work at red hat
#27801
<jwz> I met a guy who was a freshman at berkeley who had just arrived from india, and he said, "I can't take the beggars here seriously. they have legs."
#279961
<EricTheRed-> i just got a great idea, i can use my laptop to keep my pizza warm
<EricTheRed-> just put the box under the laptop and compile something
<`WarpKat> ...
#235848
<Jeribot> hahah that reminds me dudes
<Jeribot> one of my students today for their pirate journal entry?
<Jeribot> wrote about "captain tupac, who was killed by a sail-by cannoning"
#23879
Ubie> I'll worry about policies when I get my own intern
#17361
(@Thwark): if masturbating improved penis growth, not only would we all *know*, but it would have entire library wings dedicated to the study.
#16377
<HobophobE> most chicks have a maternal instinct
<HobophobE> which means they want to have this watermellon pop outta their vagina
<HobophobE> its a simple matter of masochism
#18326
<ouijakins> My lips were blue last night. I wish I had been well enough to take a pic.
<rdgzt> ouijakins: Whoa.
<rdgzt> ouijakins: Is it asthma, or asthma + a flu, or what?
<treaps> what she fails to mention is that it was from SUCKING MY COCK
<ouijakins> I dunno. I have pnuemonia which caused asthma.
<rdgzt> Oh, pneumonia.
<ouijakins> I wasn't exactly coherent.
<hpj> She got sperm in her lungs.
<hpj> Man, we're a great support group.
* ouijakins eats hpj.
<ouijakins> Ya.
<rdgzt> Pneuspermia.
<ouijakins> Yknow, I was all scared about dying last night.
<ouijakins> But uh, the sperm jokes make it ok.
<ouijakins> Because I know that God loves me for giving me text friends like you assholes.
#2818
<Jumper> bite me
<offwYtE> uMale or female?!?!
<Jumper> heh
<Jumper> u'll find out
<Jumper> ;D
<offwYtE> akkkkkk
<Jumper> haw haw
<offwYtE> taking blind date to a whole new level
<Gimpoid> lol
#307916
<@Sebas> Apparently I tried to go to sleep with my feet on the pillow because "then they'd get to be comfortable for a change, too"
<@Sebas> And when the girlfriend told me I'd suffocate then, I told her "No, because I'm James Bond"
<@Sebas> Which I later explained, after they told me this, was because James Bond is an under-cover agent.
<@Sebas> So obviously he wouldn't suffocate under the blankets.
<@nukespooon> ahahhaha
<@Sebas> EVEN WHEN I'M SHITFACED OUT OF MY MIND, I MAKE TERRIBLE PUNS
#3893
<elliptic> does any1 else name their member set/get functions with "Please" in the end?
#16248
(jbk) I think i'm going to get some alcohol this weekend seeing as i'm done with building robots
(jbk) and that calls for a celebration :)
(_none) jbk: youre probably the only person that has ever said that sentence
#15903
<HeatDeath> You should take care of your nipples. They may not seem important
now, but when you die, that's where the angels grab you.
#82268
<+Syanda> also, the p key on my laptop just came out =(
<%Slagg> :(
<+Turks> who uses the p key anyway? :P
<+Turks> oh wait
#36331
<jonathans> i also got stopped for practicing a movie scene in a parking lot where the passenger in my car robs a liquor store
<jonathans> we pull up to the store at 30 and he runs out and slides across the hood
<jonathans> cop didnt like that much
<jonathans> he thought we were actually robbing the store
<jonathans> after talking for ten minutes he had a part in the movie
#22756
<LarsC> i'm a fuckign ninja.
<exii> Dude, you're not a ninja.
<DJTodd> A fucking Ninja?
<LarsC> yeah. i fuck you, and you don't even know I was there.
<Dayv> I heard your girlfriends have that problem.
#22107
<alpenwrk> deskmod goes down more than a fucking whore
<alpenwrk> deskmod is felating the internet
<The-Jim> but deskmod doesn't give you herpes.
#296679
<@impossible> my buds and i share dedicated server hosting
<@impossible> so we all paypal our one friend for the monthly payment
<@impossible> so for the last four months it's been paypal messages like, "less teeth, more attentino to the balls"
<@impossible> and he got an email today saying his account has been permanently closed for adult services, which is a violation of paypal usage
#49946
<Brianetta> This is why I like open source (:
<Brianetta> It's like the manual, only more detailed and with less pictures.
#28747
<xcp> I left a windows xp cd on the seat of my car, someone broke in and left 2 more.
#281442
<Pentavite> you know those cliffs and ledges and etc. that have suicide hotline phones nearby?
<Pentavite> I think the govt should designate them as suicide points, for efficiency
<Pentavite> so people know a good way to kill themselves
<Pentavite> just send someone every now and then to pick up the bodies
<GenericLoser> You'd have to post road signs, too.
<GenericLoser> "Suicide Point -- Dead Ahead."
#10877
<Vod> that sentence is even more screwed up than even mine usual are
#262694
<@terminal> dell guy is here replacing some hardware in a server
<@terminal> dude fucking smacks his head in to the power button of another server and takes it down
#24141
<fnord> bash.org's back up!
<r0b0> OMG!!! YES!!!!
<r0b0> it's so fast too!!!
<r0b0> OMGOMGOMG IM SO HAPPY!!!!!!
<fnord> ...
<fnord> You sad, pathetic little man.
#78101
<spacecat> i dont rly like virgin airlines
<spacecat> i mean whats the point in going on a plane that doesnt go all the fucking way