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#68894
<sysv> omg i was so fucking stoned yesterday
<sysv> got off the wrong level on the lift at work today
<sysv> all the floors have the same layout, and the tech center is in the same place per each floor
<sysv> so i goes and gets off at some chinese engineering level in our building
<sysv> walk into the office, through the office, and sit down in my chair in the server room
<sysv> i'm like "My, this chair is so comfy!... When did we upgrade our servers to Quad Xeon's?"...
<sysv> and people are coming to me asking for help, so I'm helping and shit, doing my job...
<sysv> 4 hours into it, someone asks me if I'm Guy Yee's assistant... and I'm like "who the fuck is Guy Yee?"...
<sysv> things went downhill from there, once they realized (and i realized) I didn't work on that level
<sysv> but they were happy to pay me for my 4 hours of time, and send me on my way down the lift to my companies level... i was wonderin why everyone was so fucking nice to me
<sysv> -_-
#7179
<morientes> some fucker just played a trick on me.. i was sitting in the couch.. well all of a sudden my jocks feel like their going up my ass crack... i try to pull out the wedge.. most pain i've ever felt... someone put chewy in my jocks and my ass hairs are all stuck together.. stuck to my jocks.. i dont fucking believe this shit
#115706
* scalpod shakes his head in cornfusion
<Phinny> cornfusion? Is that like being caught in a maize?
<Asquire> corn fusion? is that like ethanol?
#28816
<dice> i thought I lost my mind
<dice> but I backed it up somehwere
<Trigg3r> On floppy disk I bet.
#1059
<blazemore> linux gives good blow jobs
<MadHatter> I thought your moms name was nancy?
#29424
<J3anyus> fucking LEET
<J3anyus> my roomie just left
<J3anyus> now i can jax0r
<J3anyus> but i gotta shit first
... time passes ...
<J3anyus> so like
<J3anyus> check this out
<J3anyus> my roomie leaves
<J3anyus> and he's like
<Conj|Work> hahahahahahahahahaha
<J3anyus> "i'm gonna be gone for a few hours"
<Conj|Work> pwn3d
<J3anyus> right
<J3anyus> yeah
<J3anyus> you already know what happened
#34585
(@septor) I should play some splinter cell pt now
(@Galaddin) wtf? just checked the top 40 for this weeks pop songs, it's like exactly the same as when i checked 3 months ago
(@septor) bash.org mods probably run the list
Comment: So true
#30454
(Sprite): boiled egg?
(Sprite): im a spack cook
(LoneGun): sprite just do in microwave for like 2 mins
(Sprite): on it's own lonegun ?
(LoneGun): aye sprite
(Ched): 2 mins
(Ched): for 650 watt microwave
(Sprite): so a egg, in a bowl, on it's own for 2 mins in a microwave ?
(Sprite): n1 im off to cook
(Sprite): k guys
(Sprite): u guys are cocks
(Sprite): the egg just blow up
Comment: Cooking in #digwar (quakenet) with the unsuspecting sprite. His cullinary skills are now renowned as a result.
#6892
<fagg0t> I need no ignore list...I'm quite capable of ignoring people with my BRAIN
#117599
<Celox> I'd be terrible with kids, specifically bedtime stories, I can't lie to kids
<Celox> they'd ask me if that really happened and I'd just say no, citing all the historical and scientific inaccuracies
<Celox> then I'd explain human psychology as best we understand it as a means of further proving that would never happen because people don't really act like that
<Celox> but then I'd reassure them that due to quantum physics in an alternate dimension far away from here it is entirely possible that something did happen that was at least fairly similar to the story even though we have no worldly form of proving it within our collective lifetimes
<Celox> then I'd say goodnight
#6534
<SD-Washu> ST. LOUIS - A former Southern Baptist Convention president stirred interfaith tumult when he described Muhammad, Islam's revered founder, as a "demon-possessed pedophile."
#6625
<@Greg> how do i start apps automatically when i log into os x?
<@desnarf> hit it with a hammer
<@desnarf> but you need a robot arm for it to happen automatically
#38535
<mata> so my friend is telling me this story... hes going at it with this chick.. . her beds on the floor on top of a box spring.. but still on the floor.. so hes banging this chick.. and all of the sudden her dog comes over and LICKS HIS ANUS..full on anal lick. went straight for it.. not a cheeck not a leg.. but his ANUS... but like a trooper he kept pumping away and just tried to push the dog away with his other hand
#49907
elegidito: wow man people IMing me i dont even know
XDeathbyBladeX: That sucks
XDeathbyBladeX: Or maybe not if they're hawt
elegidito: well thats what im wondering
elegidito: i think she might be hot
XDeathbyBladeX: haha
XDeathbyBladeX: NICE!
elegidito: lol
XDeathbyBladeX: I get to revert to my old ways
elegidito: oh man, i think its my cousin o_O
#309264
<@Xenesis> Hell of a first sentence in a news article: "The government of Honduras sacks its ambassador to Colombia after the embassy was reportedly robbed by prostitutes during a drunken Christmas party. "
#305574
<@Timmeh> harrah, my dad got through his surgery well
<@Timmeh> so well in fact his main complaint is having to wear a hospital gown
<@Timmeh> first words through the door "hey dad, how're you feeling?" "I'm wearing a fucking dress, son"
#212748
<souphiee>: k
<souphiee>: on the application it says "how long are you planning to work here"
<souphiee>: should i just write "as long as you'll have me"?
<frenchie218>: no
<frenchie218>: write "UNTIL THE RAPTURE"
#8464
<jamesm> what's a java strategy?
<undrewb> jamesm : its a paradigm shift to e-leverage your legacy OLTP system to implement pervasive business systems
<jamesm> is it like a builder with a 'brick strategy' ?
#300537
bobthekiller: i make your mom wine bitch
BadSpoon: that's nice of you
#304489
<+teratos> I am sick and dying
<+teratos> It was nice knowing you friends
<+}> teratos: what are you suffering from?
<+teratos> Pizza Hut Lunch Buffet
#15565
pinkboy so, like, how the FUCK do you let your wife get to 1200lbs?
ScottM <pinkboy> so, like, how the FUCK do you fuck your 1200lb wife?
pinkboy I can't imagine that it would be too difficult, unless of course you're picky about finding the real vagina.
#29856
<altus> yanno what sucks
<altus> when you yawn
<altus> and then in the middle of the yawn you start laughing
<altus> and then you feel weird because you didnt finish the yawn
<micronix> yea that sucks
#20115
* Iago is still unsure that he's ready for a LTR
<JtHM> Lesbian Toddler Rave?
<JtHM> no one's ready for that.
<Iago> Long term relationship
<JtHM> I'm mildly disturbed that Lesbian Toddler Rave was the first thing that sprang to mind when I saw LTR
#298143
<@louis> i dont remember if i brought this up
<@louis> but I was hanging out with my brother a couple of days ago.. was a rather hilarious conversation
<@louis> he starts explaining to me about a talk he had with my nephew
<@louis> (mind you, nephew = 14 or so)
<@louis> "Dad! Why are there so many girls going with girls now? Especially at my school" - Jr.
<@louis> Sr: "Well, son. Your generation isn't taking care of business."
#6734
<pms> If you spot a minority in your gated community who is not holding a leafblower or other lawn-care device, call your local police immediately.