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#28371
<ptw> rofl
<ptw> oh shit
<ptw> I have pissed myself
<ptw> afk
#305511
<thelilnevshow> DAAMMN RIGHT PROUD TO BE CANADIAN! im so canadian even my blood cells are red and white !
#24340
<Netsniper> God.. Im only 16 what the hell would I need penis enlargment pills for..
<^sWift> Netsniper -> As you said...your only 16
<^sWift> ;)
#54062
<frew> I hate it when people don't spell or adhere to proper rules of grammar on the Internet...
<frew> Why can't one take an extra two seconds to proofread?
<frew> It's not like your reading an essay...
*** frew has been kicked by fr_gment (Your = Possessive pronoun; You're = Contraction of "You Are.")
#56727
<Whitetail> I wonder if the pope masturbates
<Haelo> WhiteTail: It's not called masturbation.
<Haelo> Whitetail: It's called 'self-blessing'
#302845
<@fewyn> so i send my mom a text saying happy mother's day i get one back saying "ty, send treats for my dog in farmville plz"
#19677
<[EFU]psyk0mantis^gK> BLINK BLOWS MEN COCKS
<+TlMMAH> as opposed to women cocks?
#59732
<Snags> Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said:
<Snags> "Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of their patients, and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go, Dave."
<Snags> But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering:
<Snags> "Dave.....
<Snags> Dave.....
<Snags> Dave, you sick bastard
<Snags> You're a vet."
#45988
<sEcretz> my friends who are "sleeping" now in the house screwed me
<sEcretz> they dont know i have a keylogger on
<sEcretz> and i can read that they went and signed on my email
<sEcretz> then on my msn and were like "I fuckn 0wn you biatches" and im like omg.... thats my sister!
<sEcretz> now while they are sleeping. i signed on thier email. sent messages to services@secret.gov and it was like "Im an arabian terrorist. i will bomb the internet! i have coded a /etc/bomb that will deactive in /uptime seconds! bewarn. this is the last message"
<sEcretz> that will teach them not to log on my laptop :(
<icenix> hey, doesnt that log your ip?
<sEcretz> fuck.
#8159
<Naivete> HE HAS NO FEELINGS
<Naivete> HE IS JUST A GIANT ROBOT WITH A PULSING 8" COCK
<Sky> TRANSFORMER PORN!!! NOW WE"RE TALKING!
#13731
<Otto[half-a-always]> I made AI smarter than George W. Bush with 47 events
#246970
<zach[w]> You know, I really think the phrase "Wookiees can load their bowcasters with both standard and explosive-tipped quarrels.[citation needed]" is a perfect description of Wikipedia.
#9286
<jre> What should I read next, the Canterbury Tales, Don Quixote, or a book on Greek Mythology?
<GenericSuperhero> READE YW OLDE KANTVRBVRY TALES
<GenericSuperhero> THEYE ARE SHURE TO BEE VARY INTERASTINGE
<GenericSuperhero> HOPEFULLYE, YOU WILL READE IT IN THINE OLDE ENGLISHE
<EvilKosh> HELLO I AM JRE AND I HAVE TO READ HIGH FALOOTIN' BOOKS
<jre> GENARIKE, THOU ART AN FAGOTE OF THE LOW'ST ORDRE
<GenericSuperhero> THANKE YOU JAREE-EE
<jre> DAMN'D BE THOU SEED, AND MAY'ST IT NE'ER PRODUSE A PERSYONE OF ATTRAKTIVE CALIBAR
<GenericSuperhero> AYE, TISS MUSTVE HAPPENED TO YONDERS MOTHERE WHENCE THOU WAS CAPTURED WITHIN HER WOMBE!
<jre> THOU SPEAKST LIKE A RAGEING MANHAT
<GenericSuperhero> AH! THEN EYE SPEAKTH LIKE THINES FATHRE!
#8395
<glossolalia> oh well, the way I see it, the chances of me being smacked in the head by a meteor or accidentally being killed in a gang war are pretty slim, especially with my new-found love of drinking JD while chatting on IRC
#50223
<jvarner> at one time I had a login sequence that required two passwords.
<nougatmachine> ^the geek version of "I once caught a fish and it was THIS BIG"
#6266
<Masharoni> after that i vowed to clench my ass when barfing
#55452
<warewolf> haha
<warewolf> I had a coworker who after seeing the sixth sense started acting all freakey around the office
<warewolf> one day he finally let out the joke
<warewolf> he walked up to me, and whispered into my ear (sounding EXTREMELY afraid)
<warewolf> "I see ...GAY PEOPLE!"
<bendy24> you know that the guy the kid talked to in the movie was actually dead...
<bendy24> and didnt know it
<bendy24> so that means...
Comment: #linode
#11168
<ScumDog> I'm gonna descend into the popup hell of astalavista.com
<ScumDog> wish me luck
<R0SC0E> <scum's mom> what's this bang bus all about
#37256
<pushead> nothing freaks out the girlfriend like graphic threats of sexual torture and murder
<painiac> does she read them, too?
<pushead> she read the latest one
<painiac> hahahaha
<painiac> that makes it all worthwhile
<painiac> what did she say?
<pushead> 'babe, some guy here says he'll kill you and rape your corpse' 'is it painiac?' 'yes' 'then it's funny. laugh with me' 'your friends are stupid and crazy'
#1151
<Synthrev> Ramen...coke is for pussies
<th0m> no, that's *cock*
#295
<ikkenai> What do you do when your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use a lubricant.
<TheFlux> not an oil based one
<TheFlux> it may catch fire
#11587
<arenotelicon> and jason picked it up. "hello? *pause* yeah, she's right here. *glances at me* thirty-four C." me: "thirty-six." jason: "thirty-six c. yeah. bye."
#150696
Pan Man 120: so in indonesia right
Pan Man 120: they cook monkeys
Pan Man 120: but i dont get how they prepare it
Pan Man 120: because theres no wrong way to eat a rhesus
#8310
<kat-write> disturb me and suffer castration
<Doppelganger> that almost sounded interesting till I remembered what that meant
#7866
<Danzo> damn big txt file
<Danzo> B I G <peaches>
* peaches watches notepad crash
<peaches> should've zipped it up
<Danzo> heh..story of my life =]