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#307982
* krikkert heads for that large downy object in the other room which is rumoured to remove fatigue and restore vitality.
* UmbralRaptor spent far too long wondering why a coffee-maker would be covered in down.
#30777
<FooBarBaz> It seems a bit slow.
<Eldritch> hm my connection isnt maxed or anything *shrugs*
<Eldritch> could be that my upload cap is killing my downlaod speed
<FooBarBaz> Eldritch- Oh. Wait. I just rememberd I'm on dialup.
<FooBarBaz> I must be more tired than I thought.
#39169
<ducklord> I just told my mom that my sheets were victim of a penis-related accident
<ducklord> and she didn't react in any other way then saying: "ok, I'll clean them"
Comment: #geekissues
#11066
InVerSeX: I scanned my penis in a flatbed scanner once.
The Spunn: did it hurt?
InVerSeX: No, I didn't close the lid.
InVerSeX: It was only a 14" scanner.
The Spunn: Ah, so you couldn't scan the whole thing.
InVerSeX: Exactly.
The Spunn: I had to fold mine in half to fit it all on the 14" scanner, that's the part that hurt the most.
InVerSeX: Well, I scanned mine limp and then used photoshop to get a stiffy.
#3110
<putnam> this chinese kid said something so damn funny today on the phone
<putnam> let me give you the exact quote that he said, i will make sure not to make any typos. just picture hearing a chinese thug say this
<putnam> i said "man i'm gonna kick your ass" and he responds with:
<putnam> oh fuck nah...i'm gonna get some brick, and throw it across your window. i'm gonna throw it across your window and burn your bushes.
#188547
<Technocactus> It was actually better when my dad found my porn than when he found out I watched Oprah.
#51396
< OpenFire> I don't know, I would start raging down the hallway asking whoever did it to own up.
< OpenFire> Just for satisfaction
< lenox> i'd urinate in someone's cubical
< lenox> then when they complain about it
< lenox> be like "i know, right? and just the other day someone dented my powerbook"
< lenox> IF they did it, they'll back down and that'll be that. you got them back
< lenox> IF they did NOT do it, now you have an ally
< lenox> they want to get this powerbook-denting public-urinating dude just as much as you
< lenox> pretty much, i am saying, you have to pee in someone's cubicle today
Comment: #macintosh on irc.arstechnica.com
#6103
<#hack/|al|> if i wrote a perl program, i wouldnt go telling people about it
#6485
<blazemore> DJing with vinyl is like people still making soap from their own pig fat
#22719
marty> So, what happened, did you date her? What was she like...
deathcubek> Let me put it this way. She was like an RPG.
marty> I dont get it.
deathcubek> Well... she was long, expensive, and full of monsters.
#25161
<FFChatter > est ce quelqu un sait comment on fait apparaitre le menu triche dans FFX??
<Drago> Anyone speak French?
<FFChatter > yes me
#16708
<Vile-> i need to take a shit
<Vile-> im going to go in my cats litter box
<Vile-> and my mom will go up stairs
<Vile-> and see a huge long shit in the litter box
<Vile-> and be like wtf
#294948
Mom: thanks to your status message, you can say good nite to the internet
*** Auto-response sent to Mom: I'm busy because my mom's being a nazi. Sieg Heil.
#33975
xdev0luti0nx: If chinese food is too americanized, I never like it
Serrated Sp00n: lol. All chinese food is americanized, Hannah.
Serrated Sp00n: Real chinese people couldn't afford to eat chinese food the way we do.
#8440
<Excession> I'm getting seven figures. "FUCK ALL"
#162955
<@Faustus> The combination of a barbiturate induction agent and a nondepolarizing paralytic agent is used in thousands of anaesthetics every day. Supporters of the death penalty argue that unless anesthesiologists have been wrong for the last 40 years, the use of pentothal and pancuronium is safe and effective
<@Faustus> how the fuck is lethal injection safe?
#31162
<nomad> then my comp teacher said, "someone sterilized a mouse, the ball is missing"
#36719
<%sketchataki> i biked to the beach today...hung out with a hott chick...biked back... xD long bike ride but i got a phone number...
<&James_> how old was she?
<%sketchataki> 87
Comment: Extract from #HPHC on irc.halca.org
#58565
<s1r> so i thought i was listening to some grungy, industrial-goth-metal mix for the last two hours.
<s1r> turns out my radio just has really shitty reception.
#12365
* SoulStealer is back -[ auto-away after 60 minutes idle ]- gone 9 hr 24 min 38 s
<SoulStealer> skold
<SoulStealer> Think you should add a global command in Cygnus? /notice $*.net get's annoying.
<SoulStealer> guess not.
*** Parts: SoulStealer (NeonNitrat@user-24-214-140-218.knology.net)
<@skold> uh
<@skold> the guy idles for 9 HOURS and leaves in 10 seconds when i dont answer him
#4329
*** @pHaT|B33R is now known as @pHaT|ZzZz
<@JumperXL> later
<@JumperXL> nite drunkard
<@ismell> l8
<@JumperXL> thats irc dedication. smashed off his gord but still changes his nick to ZzZz before he passes out.
#44127
<ThreeWork> man I love the theoretical situations we propose around here
<ThreeWork> my boss proposes "You're coming into the parking lot and your
brakes fail. The AR lady (who's REALLY bitchy and pissed me
off my second day here) and the facilities lady (who's so
fucking mean she literally can't keep a facilities handyman
here more than 3 months) are crossing the parking lot. Which
one do you hit?"
<ThreeWork> So I think for a moment, then respond "I handbrake slide and
hit both of them."
#56696
* Xerxes is now listening to Nightwish - Once
* Sanguini listened to Nightwish. Once.
#7419
<elite_chaR> butcher im sitting like right behind you at lanwar :D
<elite_chaR> SO NO FUNNY BUSINESS
<elite_chaR> NO WEIRD NOISES
<elite_chaR> NO WEIRD SMELLS
<elite_chaR> NO WEIRD SPELLING
<butcher> dude, too late, I just f4rt3d
<butcher> that's a wierd noise, a weird smell, and a weird spelling.
#62191
<&Erik> you at work?
<linuxillegal> yes
<&Erik> i didnt think bike stealing had internet access
<linuxillegal> when you franchise, theres possibilities