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#111114
<Trinexx> So, we were all sitting around, trying to decide who would cook tonight.
<Trinexx> Someone got the wonderful idea of making ME cook, despite the fact that I once caught ramen noodles on fire. I, of course, told them it was a bad idea. They didn't believe me. Gave me a recipe and very precise directions. I finally agreed to do it, but only if they understood that they eat at their own risk.
<Trinexx> So yeah, we've all got food poisoning now.
#49568
<DJ-Mike> ATTETNION
<DJ-Mike> DJ MIKE
<DJ-Mike> WILL BE ON
<TempestxJuggalo> a dick
<DJ-Mike> IN A MATTER OF MINUTES
#265195
<Gayo> google added gif emoticons to gmail.
<mathrick> they did?
<mathrick> FUCKERS
<Gayo> "If you're tired of not being able to find the right words to express yourself in your messages, emoticons are here to help."
<Gayo> Oh Christine, I love you so much more than my crass tongue can ever express! Let me show you how I feel with this smiley face in a party hat.
#35023
<BlooDMooN> ok, what's a petabyte?
<snoozie> a byte that's devoted to eradicating cruelty to animals
#50149
<Jason> And... the test is finished.
<Tristal> What was the test, "Can I drink this fifth of Jack Daniels in under 3 minutes?"
<Tristal> Because I noticed you cramming really hard before the exam
#307161
<jwgoerlich> As an aside, I get concerned when my wife says "let me set the mood with music" ...
<jwgoerlich> And then proceeds to play the Impossible Mission theme song.
#302136
<@CESSMASTA> "rape risk rise for cambodia women"
<@CESSMASTA> i like alliteration and all but that headline strikes me as a tad unprofessional
<@dbelange> Cambodian Cooch Caper Count Climbing
#44984
auslander: i think we can all agree I'm the smartest one here
megaL: your IQ is like 1. im a million time smarter
s1r: a million times 1 is still one, asshole
#104113
<Opef> Bahh, screw you, free speech-to-text software.
<Opef> How the fuck does "hair straighteners" sound like "whore stranglers" anyway?
#13851
<Shounen> The expression "smooth as a baby's bottom" is socially acceptable.
<Shounen> But saying something is "tight as a baby's bottom" gets you all kind of weird looks.
<ssai> you shoulda seen the looks i got when i said i had a breast feeding fetish
#8812
<+Sheri> *gasp* I neverrrrrr
<@LabMonkey> the fuck you didn't, I videotaped that shit
#32998
<Cowboy> HI GUYS
<Cowboy> OOOPS I HAVE CAPS LOCK ON
<Cowboy> WAIT I HAVE CAPS LOCK DISABLED ON THIS MACHINE
<Cowboy> OH OOPS I"M HOLDING DOWN SHIFT
Comment: #CkB
#310347
<Rozzie-mob> Ohok
<Rozzie-mob> Apparently when I was younger I ate the dogs worming tablets
<Rozzie-mob> But it was okay because I took the correct dosage
#12026
<n_> derf if you ever call me on the phone and ask for ops again
<derF> heh.. i'm lazy
#29400
<oreo> If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.
#8362
<TTX> How do I change my name in here?...
<Naoki> type /nick yournick
*** TTX is now known as yournick
#42614
<Drag[Slumber]> Ok, what the fuck
<Drag[Slumber]> Just now, RIGHT NOW, someone JUST shot out the windows on all of our cars
<Drag[Slumber]> On my car, it's just the back window, and nothing else
<Drag[Slumber]> But they went easy on it, compared to everyone else's car
<YoshiDude> QUICK INFORM EVERYONE ON IRC
#52575
<boof> fucking fat fuck customers at mcdonalds
<boof> You know how bartenders can refuse to sell alcohol to someone if they are clearly intoxicated to the max?
<boof> Well, I'd like the same power, however in regards to obseity. Too fat? Have trouble walking? Sweating in the airconditioning? Short breath from walking from the door to the counter? No sale, unless you buy something from the Salads plus menu and a bottle of water.
<fury> lol
#37924
<Dudicon> Man, I cut my throat shaving today, right on the trachea. It's felt weird all day.
<Spack> CUT DEEPER
#51343
<wils0r> I was hearing about that guy
<wils0r> Jude Law or whatever
<wils0r> he has the best life ever
<loko> cuz hes fuckin the nanny or why
<wils0r> he fucked the nanny, and then his hot ass wife took him back, made him make up a list of all the girls he fucked
<wils0r> and now he is in trouble because he inadvertantly left kate moss off the list, who he had a 3some with
<wils0r> so wtf
<wils0r> does life get better than being able to forget about a 3some with kate moss
#44155
<tina_> ill have u know im very happy with my partner
<jeriko> sure, but does he know that we fucked 3 months ago you dirty little slut. but don't worry i won't say anything to russell
<tina_> im not sure if he knows. why not ask tina when she releives her MOM from the computer?
* jeriko (jeriko@pyramid.majic.org) has left #disturbed
#57089
Biffa: ..I said "Do you love mummy?" She said yes. I said "Do you love daddy?" She said yes. I said "Do you love me?" She said yes. I thought "aaah bless, how sweet". I was so happy. But I wasn't sure if she meant it, so as a test I said "Do you love Hitler?" She said yes. I thought "Bugger, she'll say yes to anything." But I felt better when I took her home, she showed me her bedroom and it was covered with pictures of Hitler.
#3326
<skmt> DigDug, if you install a beaded seat cover, the value of your car will skyrocket
<SD_Washu> nah
<SD_Washu> all you have to do
<SD_Washu> is keep a big ol brick of heroin in the trunk
#2995
<Fee> 128 megs? 1997 called, they want there memory back
#391
<Zer0sKewl> Haha, I just nuked someone for my first time, Am I elite now?