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#26311
<FunG¦away> and i dont dress quite like the other boys
<Logic_BomB> "what are you wearing?" "a kilt" "no man thats a skirt.." "its a kilt im telling you..." "uhhh its pink, has flowers and shoulder straps" "its a prety kilt"
#133573
(meander) Newfoundland is like calling a place Untitled Document
(meander) i bet its the default name for discovered land
(meander) and they just clicked Ok
(meander) now all other countries have to start out as Newfoundland 2
#13537
<Ajplus1> My plan is to make a steel ball, put my video games and chips in there, then roll myself into the ocean, where I'll be safe
<zardolf> how will you get out?
<Ajplus1> I don't think that far
#35815
<doughboyy> Now Playing: Billy Talent - The Ex
<Theo> Now Playing: Velvet Revolver - Slither
<Kao> Now Playing: With my cock
#26328
<tfg> What's the vatican?
<tfg> Is it a resturant or something?
#7284
( Fuzzy ) this one chick could type 80wpm at 95% acc
( Fuzzy ) i'm watching her type going "i bet she'd give nice hand jobs"
#49757
<HonkeyKong> My dick is one inch long, and six inches wide.. They call me "pancake"
#213047
<mancha> the ancient greeks believed the heart was the thinking organ
<mancha> of course, we know now they were wrong. it's the penis.
<DemisM> Mancha: What´s the female´s thinking organ?
<mancha> DenisM, exactly!
#42770
<[GNU]Order> Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright till you hear them speak
#14357
<Farnarcle> why are you helping her to knock you?
<GruMM[GruMM[Away[GruMM]]]> coz if it is going to be done, it should be done right'
#3620
<meohmy> at the end of the day its smokers that keep the hospitals running
#308131
<SnortnSnowflakes> getting on the plane
<SnortnSnowflakes> and blowing that
<SnortnSnowflakes> thing
<SnortnSnowflakes> up
<dippingsauce> oh thats way different than my master plan
<SnortnSnowflakes> well
<SnortnSnowflakes> you'd be doing all the blowing
<SnortnSnowflakes> so
<SnortnSnowflakes> it's not too different from your plan
<dippingsauce> naw im going to just hijack it and land it safely and then over the intercom yell MICROSOFT FLIGHT SIM FOR LIFE BITCHES then bounce out before the police come
#294629
<@isosceles> im at the pharmacy
<@isosceles> getting sleeping pills for my wife
<@isosceles> and then i realize: i need to get vaseline (for chapped skin/oil pastel) and baby wipes (for makeup removal)
<@isosceles> but then i stopped, after realizing how horrible that would look at the register
#305243
cmca: so i've been playing starcraft a lot late at night and i think its starting to infiltrate my real life
cmca: me, emi, kyle, and paul were coming back from lunch and we got to the door that requires a key card. and we all just stood there, everyone waiting for someone else to swipe theirs
cmca: and my first thought was "shit, i missed the minerals when i set the rally point for the drones"
rnovel: HAHAHAHAH
cmca: and then i shook myself and swiped my card...
#5727
<BloodAngel> I was just trying to find something in my pants pocket- but I didn't know what.
<BloodAngel> [don't start, don't _even_ start!]
<BloodAngel> And then I realized what I was looking for...
<BloodAngel> And proved I'm dumb. :)
<BloodAngel> 'cuz I was trying to find the 2-Litre of Mountain Dew that I set down.
#60520
<@Rjx> talking about buying gas in the liter is for pussies
<@Rjx> in the US they measure gas in how many middle eastern countries will need invading
<@Rjx> HEY YEAH PUT A ONE QUARTER IRAQ IN THAT THERE TANK
#295706
Lord Adam: you know what
Lord Adam: If I feel crap
Lord Adam: I should just look at that picture of the dog in the towel
Amelia: you know
Amelia: you should show like.. bin laden that photo
Amelia: he'll just smile and say
Amelia: "You know.. the war is stupid. No more fighting - I'm getting me a dog. I already have a towel.
#14860
[01:03am] ·ct· last night
[01:03am] ·ct· my girlfriend walks out of the room to goto the bathroom
[01:03am] ·ct· and she walks back in
[01:03am] ·ct· and i start feeling her tits
[01:03am] ·ct· and she turns on the light
[01:03am] ·ct· and its not even her, its my mom
[01:03am] •Necro• ...
#33617
(@Sh3kel) I'm bored to the point I'm considering installing Black and White :/
#14596
<+pfk-serv> your married...thats interesting....your constantly downloading porn...i figure you were just like the rest of us...perverts
#6453
<O_6> my helpful nature gets me into many a snag
<MadMan37> so does your weakness for pic-a-nic baskets
#306389
<@Furah> my ex sent a text that was meant to make me think of her, but instead I thought of alcohol
#31418
<away[bttf]> your out like muhammed ali in a game of jenga
#64493
<DinkyDogg> my mom and sister and i had an awesome moment going through security on the way back from Ireland
<DinkyDogg> I was reading the sign about the prohibited items, and it went something like this:
<DinkyDogg> Me: Looks like I can't go on board, because my 'tool' is more than 7 inches.
<DinkyDogg> Rachel: Jake!
<DinkyDogg> Mom: And also no "club-like objects"
<DinkyDogg> Rachel: MOM!!!!!
<DinkyDogg> *Rachel cries*
#4488
<FM{FF1}> Rizen: I thought you didn't bang chicks, only me.
<FM{FF1}> ...men.
<FM{FF1}> GOD THAT WAS A BAD TYPO.