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#297004
John: i need something perverted to say to my gf
John: i'm just not perverted and dont know anything about that stuff
Ethan: say "I want you inside of me."
John: okay
#52504
<^Spike^> I had my first character censored on City of Villains
<@Stumpy> whyfor?
<^Spike^> They did not appreciate 'Captain Coathanger the Abortionist'
<^Spike^> (He had pirate hooks for hands!)
Comment: He's going to hell one day...
#6569
<skullY_> <-- Feels really bright now
<barkode> did you get a new lamp?
#56390
ELLIS THOMAS : My question is HOW CAN I SWEAR ON BBERG?
BLOOMBERG HELP DESK : Hello Ellis, there are certain words that are restricted on Bloomberg's messaging system. If you would like to simulate a swear word, you can substitute a letter with a symbol, such as an asterisk
ELLIS THOMAS : THANK YOU, THAT'S F*CKING FANTASIC.
BLOOMBERG HELP DESK : Is there anything else I can assist you with?
#7604
<CellY> so yesterday the gay mailman who wears daisy dukes says to me
<CellY> "You get alot of packages, you must have discoverd ebay"
<CellY> I say no I discoverd state wide drug distribution rings
<pagan> LOL
<CellY> he just siad have a nice day
#55078
ppcCube: my daughter found a big pile of pennies the other day in some parking lot... "as she was picking them up, a passer by asked 'oh do you collect pennies?'" and my daughter blurts out "Pennies?! screw that, i collect money"
#1145
<aard> blackrose: you're so goth, you shit bats.
#21790
* @Super-Vipeo [Super Mario Brothers Theme Song-Nintendo] - [0.65mb; 1:24; 64kbps; 44khz; mono]
<@Cockroach> I saw a quicktime movie of a guy playing that on the piano
<@Cockroach> and about every other mario song
<@Cockroach> was kind of scary... then people on the CS forum started posting about learning sailor moon songs on their clarinets
<@Cockroach> and suddenly the Mario guy was normal again...
#33571
<antivert> One of them was a total asshole, he was like "STOP LISTENING TO ME!!" because I was call coaching him
<antivert> this guy apparently told his customer "Sir, if you don't calm down, I'm going to have to put you in the penalty box." And the customer kept getting pissed off so he was like
<antivert> "Sir, if you don't calm down, I'm going to have to put you in the penalty box."
<antivert> the guy started yelling again so he took off his headset, put it in one of the metal drawers by the desks and started kicking the FUCK out of it screaming "YOU'RE IN THE PENALTY BOX!! YOU'RE IN THE PENALTY BOX MOTHERFUCKER!!!!"
Comment: antivert worked tech support
#23479
Frondz: dude, 3.3 kb/s upload?
Frondz: i hope you give your cable company the heil hitler evrey day
Frondz: because they are some fucking nazis
#50826
[lenin-communist] you americans hate communism
[@whipsmart] I love Communism... it's because of Communism that Russian girls will give you a blowjob for a pair of Levis
Comment: Quakenet #FunChat
#7536
<BizaSmokedout> nah amng I can hold a inteligent convrsation if you want
#28852
<Mr_Rabies> that is proper
<Mr_Rabies> woot.
<Parak> mrproper?
<Parak> did you make a booboo in your source tree? :/
* Parak stabs self
* technodrone stabs Parak
<Mr_Rabies> oe noes
<Mr_Rabies> parak committed seppuku
* Mr_Rabies bukkake
* Mr_Rabies bukkake
<technodrone> you need like, 20 guys for a real bukkake
<technodrone> and youre just one, small, man
<Mr_Rabies> <technodrone> you need like, 20 guys for a real bukkake
<Mr_Rabies> <technodrone> and youre just one, small, man
<Mr_Rabies> not if you have 20 penises
<Mr_Rabies> all arranged in a circular pattern.
<janitorbob> but do you have 20 prostates
<Temujin> or don't fap for 20 days to save up
<technodrone> penis gatling gun ?
<Mr_Rabies> no they're like
<technodrone> like cow's utter ?
<Mr_Rabies> a bunch of penises... in a WTF WHY AM I EXPLAINING THIS SHIT
<Reptile> i knew i should have just closed irc
<technodrone> it stirrs up chan's interest
* Defenestrator comes back to the channel... and quickly leaves again
#177942
<rm-rf> they have all these talent audition shows
<rm-rf> I think they'd be much more interesting if they would flog the people who totally suck
<@AndroSyn> heh
<@AndroSyn> would that make you horny? :P
<rm-rf> imagine how much better Last Comic Standing would be if they'd beat the guys in the elvis-themed chicken outfit
<rm-rf> not horny, but it'd definitely get me moving in the right direction
<@AndroSyn> heh
<rm-rf> or the fat kids on those dance shows
<rm-rf> just imagine their sweaty, leotard encapsulated rolls jiggling in time with the thwack of the bamboo cane
<rm-rf> ok, I'm horny now
Comment: #bifemunix on EFnet
#9041
<phatmike> i want hard boiled eggs
<phatmike> why is that?
<Dayv> Your body is craving extra fat and protein.
<Dayv> Obviously, you are preparing for mitosis.
#24440
<seth> Dammit, I've had hiccups for the past TWO HOURS!
<icon> Have you tried $USELESS_REMEDY?
<seth> I've tried all @USELESS_REMEDIES!
#17887
<ShowHour> Any hot girls with a cam free for chat?
<Hot^Gay_Male> yes
<Hot^Gay_Male> msg me
#31945
<MrThePlague> my thumb hurts..
<MrThePlague> hehe
<usrbingeek> don't stick it so far up your ass then
#12029
<BlakMajiK> my dad said "we need to get ready for this y2k bullshit, i'm gonna fill the fridge in the basement full of beer"
#296566
<Blaze> whats with all the macro buttons haveing no labels?
<Pryoidain> We're computer people.
<Pryoidain> We don't use labels.
<Pryoidain> Makes us look smarter.
<Pryoidain> They're color coded though.
<Pryoidain> You want the blue button xP
* Pryoidain has quit (Quit: Lost terminal)
* Pryoidain has joined #aftermath
<Pryoidain> NEVERMIND. Do NOT hit the blue button O.O
#58565
<s1r> so i thought i was listening to some grungy, industrial-goth-metal mix for the last two hours.
<s1r> turns out my radio just has really shitty reception.
#302601
snookums: today was just another first interview
snookums: she told me to go find a seat the furthest down the way.. so i'm sitting there and for 15 minutes i'm getting antsy sitting there so i start messing with my resume.. at that point i realised the third page of my resume papers was a coupon for yogurt
#40983
Cochese: Facts, shmacts! Everyone twists their facts to make it look believeable and advantageous to their side whether you're a "liberal pussy," "right wing nutjob," or even a so called "unbiased observer." All I know is that my history teacher told me when I'd grow up, things would get a whole lot worse. And goddamn it he was right. Now I'm feeding him social security. Bastard!
#303251
<Justice> music is like sex, for every person paying for it, there's a thousand who don't
* Isamu shares CDs with his mom
#32556
<+detz> I know in PHP you can do file('url'), is there something like that in perl?
<+foobos> detz, perldoc LWP::Simple and its get()
<+Azhrarn> `lynx --dump`
* Leolo slaps Azhrarn
* Azhrarn cackles
* tgr `dumps` Azhrarn's body somewhere
<+Azhrarn> AHH! I'M IN #MIRC
<+Azhrarn> HELP MEEEEEEEEEEE
<+Azhrarn> ...so cold...
Comment: #perl@efnet