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#391
<Zer0sKewl> Haha, I just nuked someone for my first time, Am I elite now?
#25185
<Morelos> i think i want the rtfm shirt
<maxracer> whats rtfm
<Morelos> maxracer - i suggest you rtfm to find out
<maxracer> man rftm?
#15942
<SamGod> I turn on the faucet to wash my hands, put my hands in the stream of water, and all of a sudden I stop and get TOTALLY grossed out and I'mlike "Oh GROSS, dammit!!" thinking I just got a ton of piss all over my hands. Then I realize it's a freaking FAUCET and water comes out of it, not piss. What the HELL was my brain thinking?
#8539
<teste_fly> wish me luck on my date tonihgt guys
* aquacavi crosses fingers
* dr_rotcod crosses his penises
<teste_fly> :0
<aquacavi> the secret is out ladies and gentlemen
#8101
<Paeyl> why did i just have a sudden image of a penis with tentacles at the tip
<alayna> cthulhuitis
<Paeyl> is there an antibiotic for that?
<Paeyl> "doc, i have a problem." "what?" "it's my.. penis.. it .. " "yes?" "it can.. write its own name."
<geo> That's not a problem, son...that's a potential career.
#294722
<MorbidAngel> so my parents just made me watch 2 girls 1 cup.
<Valtieri> MA: I'm sorry?
<MorbidAngel> you dont wanna know -_-
<Valtieri> I know about 2g1c, but... they made you... what?
<nach> Re-enact it with his mother
<MorbidAngel> watch it
<MorbidAngel> You suck :/
<Valtieri> They *made* you watch it? Like, "Hey Matt, come sit down, see this"?
<MorbidAngel> pretty much
<MorbidAngel> they showed me some reactions first
<MorbidAngel> i was like "oh fuck, this is gunna suck"
<MorbidAngel> I just laughed the hole time, my dad was gagging XD
<Valtieri> ...what the FUCK?
<Valtieri> Why would they *want* you to watch that? And why would THEY?
<MorbidAngel> to see my reaction
<MorbidAngel> i guess
<MorbidAngel> lol
<Valtieri> MA, your parents are awesome.
<nach> MA, was it the first time you watched it?
<MorbidAngel> yeah
<MorbidAngel> for some reason i was just like "O.o..uh..you two are FUCKED"
#45577
<Thrashmeister> if a piano player is called a pianist, then why isnt a racecar driver called a racist?
Comment: #dyo, irc.mediadriven.net
#52891
<JimmyJ> Ken: Your sister is so damn hot... I want to rape her for hours and hours...
<Ken1> AutoReply from Ken1: I am currently away, but my sister would be happy to give me your message.
<JimmyJ> OH CRAP!
#26296
«Narc|LAG»: Yaleman rebooted the ricetek server today. 291 days of uptime gone :o
«Cav»: is that like losing a family member?
#149340
[helf] wow, the Marines commercials have gotten way better
[xexyz] i should point out that when you sign up for the Marines, your life does NOT get a kick ass metal soundtrack
[helf] awww fuck
#40323
02:45:47 [dbcalo] UK DOCTORS have discovered a form of hypochondria which is developed by surfing the web and misdiagnosing your own illnesses, according to a new study.
03:32:21 [Rn] i'm at a loss for words
03:32:22 * Rn googles
03:33:11 [Rn] oh my god i have Motor Neuron Disease
#2590
<Legind> I cant remember my earliest memory
#7342
<skankuhz> I work my bung muscles every night, just in case i have to go to jail, I'll rip off a mans tip if he tries to ass fuck me!
#270224
The Fizz Meister: Ungh, ME.
The Fizz Meister: I had to use that for several years.
The Fizz Meister: :(
The Fizz Meister: Bonus was that if I was about to get caught using porn, I'd just restart it.
The Fizz Meister: Say it crashed.
The Fizz Meister: Worked every time.
Comment: BYOND
#118850
<andr00> go ahead and google "meet russian women"
<andr00> hit "I'm feeling lucky", since it sounds like you are!
<chronomex> are you sure? this feels a little uncomfortable
<andr00> ok, well hit "I'm feeling uncomfortable."
#19035
<xpander> fuck this toolset is the SHIT
<xpander> i could spend weeks playing with this thing
<Scire> that's what I said about my dick when I was about 11
<Scire> turns out, I could spend YEARS playing with it
<xpander> that would be SWEET
<xpander> years upon years of interactive fun
#305736
<Keyla> we had a fun customer today who came in with a very detailed handwritten list of components for a computer he wanted us to build for him
<Keyla> core i5 or i7, 6-8 GB of ram (or maybe 12), 2 hard drives (he specifically requested no raid)
<Keyla> for word processing
<_habnabit> Maybe he wanted to use OOo
#301597
<fahadsadah> Lolwut?
<fahadsadah> HTML5 will be completed in 2022?
<+Dvyjones> Wait, it will be completed?
#36209
[@lsd] i'll bath when IRC finishes
[@lsd] can't be much longer now
#110372
<Beastage> notice how life and fail have same letters?
Comment: irc.neowin.net, #neowin
#104149
<@bob> i usually go with my friend steph, who i have known since before she had boobs and we even knew what boobs were.
<@bob> who, long story short
<@bob> told me
<@bob> she is not my best friend anymore :p
<@bob> cd best-friend; patch -p1 < upgrade-to-girlfriend.diff
#6800
<fuckin`eh> If you think your cool CLICK HERE!
<JtHM> fuckin`eh: nothing happened when I clicked :(
#2324
<trccccc> damn I have eaten enough salsa to kill a small ethiopian town
#18427
<Rokan> WTF is that road sign mean.....
<Rokan> its a truck ramming into a virtical road
<Zimbu> The sign means: "You are now in Canada. Please kill yourself before it gets even worse."
#26308
Methodical Pain: but tomatoes are fruits
TheOffspring326: no they're not!
TheOffspring326: they merely prefer the company of other tomatoes, thats all!