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#57699
< plasmadis> Woman successfully smuggles gun into prison by hiding it in the one place only a woman can hide an object. Is found out after gun fires when she tries to sit down
< plasmadis> pwned
#308438
<Migs> what does it mean when critics say a movie is "smart?"
<gildean> they didn't understand it
#5487
<gjvc> that is beyond ghetto
<gjvc> that is where trailers go to die
#8327
knobsthebear: How the hell did Korea find time between StarCraft and Diablo II to make it this far into the World Cup?
#31880
<splice> he makes me laugh, i have no problem with him
<splice> and he pisses people off, i can respect that
#10785
<rogers> hahah
<guyen> roger: i love you man
<guyen> and by "love" i mean that special "stab you in the face and shit down your throat" love
<rogers> i love you too man
#3878
<nARcOtIC]> any of u know someone witha f ast internet connection?
<[ric]> me, suppa fast... so fast I can't even see the packets go by when I open the modem up
<nARcOtIC]> how fast is it?
<[ric]> so fast I can't even explain it
<nARcOtIC]> right
<[ric]> so fast that by the time I try and upload something it was uploaded 10 minutes earlier
<[ric]> stunningly fast, it is..
#49733
<%Telal> Look, I'm sorry, but I guess it's tough to be civilized when you really want to murder and rape someone
<%Telal> it's a character flaw I guess
<%Telal> everyone has character flaws
<%Telal> get off my case
<@Akamu> Nobody is perfect, esspecilly mittens.
<%Telal> yikes, you can say that again
<@Akamu> Nobody is perfect, esspecilly mittens.
<%Telal> yikes, you can say that again
<@Akamu> Nobody is perfect, esspecilly mittens.
<%Telal> yikes, you can say that again
<@Akamu> Nobody is perfect, esspecilly mittens.
<%Telal> Well played, sir
#21265
<Jotarou> Man I masturbate in the shower so much, I'm surprised a baby hasn't crawled out of the bathdrain
#300059
<Warchamp7> I have a PSD in graphics design
#11520
<jre> If you were a Nazi and had 2 hostages but only 1 bullet, who would you shoot? Some normal crew-cut soldier or G.I. Joe?
<Gudrow> I'd shoot myself because Nazis are assholes.
#2018
<MadHatter> I wish I could get a job as a stunt penis
<MadHatter> like for porno movies
<MadHatter> I don't look like a pornstar(not that I'm ugly, I just don't have that look), but I have a porno penis
#30447
<Scoth> Olyndar: You coughed on her? How rude
<Olyndar> She liked it.
<Olyndar> She's kinky like that.
* lemming chuckles
<lemming> hmm
<Olyndar> FEEL THE GERMS INVADING YOUR BODY LIKE SO MANY TINY PENISES!
#55591
Mattias: i still say i get a siren and tie it to my belly and get some deeeep pocket pants full of change. Then i walk past a hobo on the street and when he asks me for some spair change i am going to put the siren on and start throwing change at him yelling " YOU WON THE JACKPOT"
#118721
ElGarlic: Spending your life waiting for the messiah to come save the world is like waiting around for the straight piece to come in Tetris.
ElGarlic: Even if it comes, by that time you've accumulated a mountain of shit so high that you're fucked no matter what you do.
#11888
<sparks> got the house to myself for the evening
<Robert> bbl
<Robert> hehe enjoy ;)
<sparks> guess I'll invite a bunch of friends over and have a party and play rap music
<sparks> by which I mean I'll order a pizza and nair my legs
#297849
<mistah_j> If you watch porn in reverse it's about a guy who vacuums jizz of a woman's face and then takes his Pizza back to work
#18220
<jesus_> my healing hands be drivin tha virgins wild.
#1116
<var> hrmm
<var> how the fuck did a shortcut to e13ay end up on my desktop
<var> what kinda nefarious shit is windows update pulling
<Guilty> It's your computers way of saying it wants a new owner
<Guilty> Like a dog scratching on the door to get out
#30369
<+ienes|kwl> I'm polish
<@Biggs`> that's ok. we all have our problems
#5357
<+shagman> man, my ice water tastes like shit this morning
<+SuperGayHomo> well don't get it out of the toilet bowl
<@shagman> I wonder if it's my ice cubes
<@shagman> I'm gonna try the ones from the other tray
<@shagman> ahhhhh, much better
<@SuperGayHomo> those ones came from the tank
#52782
<Twyce_Dailey> ok, i now officially have the coolest cellphone ever
<Twyce_Dailey> i have, for a background, a stopsign with "hammertime" spraypainted across the bottom, for a ringtone, Can't Touch This, and for an SMS alert, M.C. Hammer saying "Stop, Hammertime"
#1026
(TheGamer) people are so broke here [THE UNITED KINGDOM] - because many brits are unskilled, as you can leave school with a standing at 16. Many people live in housing equivalent to Manitoba Housing (gov't assisted housing)
(TheGamer) however.. you as a Canadian would not be entitled to any benefits.. except free birth control pills
(tiko) I'd get free birth control pills?!?!
(tiko) DAMMIT!
(tiko) SOLD!
#50630
< cosmo_gunny> I was at the market buying food, and I was in the dairy department..
< cosmo_gunny> and there were various Land Of Lakes products.. with a big sign that said "LOL CHEESE"
< cosmo_gunny> and I lost it.
#29059
<DrPoole> she just emailed me. "you are a fucking prick"
<DrPoole> and i hit reply
<DrPoole> and wrote "unsubscribe"