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#20113
<scabb> I AM AN OBESE AMERICAN.
<scabb> AN AMERICAN, IN OTHER WORDS
<scabb> I'M SCARED OF CAFFEINE!
<scabb> ARGH! THE COFFEE WILL GIVE ME HEART ATTACKS!
<scabb> THE LARD THAT I EAT WON'T, BUT COFFEE WILL
<scabb> 17 BIG MACS! BUT HOLD THE COFFEE! CAFFEINE GIVES ME HEART ATTACKS!
#28963
<mef> heh, my roommate's ex-gf has a blog but keeps moving it because we keep finding it by googling her horribly constant spelling mistakes..
<mef> google "egnore menchion"
#39758
<@crustgod> dude I fucked up again today
<@Xanthi> ?
<@crustgod> some chick was hitting on me, she said like "you can't resist me" and I was like "yeah I can" and she was like "not if I put your head between my legs" and I was like "I don't care, I'm nekro"
<@crustgod> =(
<@Xanthi> ..
Comment: #blackdeath-cult
#281474
<Loser> what will happen when I tell my parents I'm bi>
<GaidinBDJ> You mother looks at your father and says "You owe me $100"
Comment: #fark
#302037
<kkstrong> saying if my absolute max budget is $5000, how expensive of a car can I get :/
<incluye> $5000
#10025
<a_passerby> I want a :D drive instead of a D: drive
#68591
MotaStorm: So my buddy came out of the bathroom at Taco Bell
WC`: Oh shit
WC`: He survived?
MotaStorm: And just to freak out the girl behind the counter, he asks her, "Why is the guy on the picture on the bathroom door wearing a dress?"
#28977
<danamania> oh this is lovely - mum went to the vet to pick up sasha, and bought a few things back. I'm looking over this bottle of pet shampoo thinking I'd do kokomo's coat.
<danamania> The back of the fricken bottle says "Not tested on animals"
#1580
<no_soul> i snorted Ajax
<no_soul> i almost died
#11073
<SpunOne> To The Taliban:
<SpunOne> Give US Osama Bin Laden or we'll send your women to college.
<nersh> To the US:
<nersh> Leave us alone or we, the Taliban authorities would not hesitate to cut off America's supply of convenience store managers.
#10941
<Drezdar> I am a white, supple 21 year old male from New York City. I enjoy the big life...when I leave my house. I enjoy computer games, PS2 games, Xbox games, Dreamcast games, SNES games, N64 games, GBA games, Genesis games, Amiga 500 games, C64 games, Atari 800XL games, and porn. I am very good at masturbation so I think I would be very good in bed. If you would like to meet me, email me or cyber me on AIM.
#6764
<dbaker> pine4 came out recently, by the way.
<dbaker> A customer called me a "fucking unix admin nazi" for not having pine4 installed the day it came out... :)
#32542
<vsync> anyone have phone# for ogw-iii ?
<ogw-iii> yeah I think I might
#29301
<Dilbert|AFK> my homopage is www.fark.com
<Dilbert|AFK> ...
<Dilbert|AFK> and thats my homepage too
Comment: irc.cheatlist.com #dcemu
#10478
<Acheron> hep: :P
<Acheron> And I say that from the bottom of my heart.
<hep> please to not be sticking it out unless you intend on using it.
<hep> today
<Acheron> Well, my tongue is a little longer than most, but S.F. is a
helluva reach, even for more gifted folks
<Mitzy> despicable.
<Acheron> Sorry. I don't get as much tongue-stretching exercise as I used
to.
<para> that's a .sigfile right there.,
<Acheron> keep your .sig out of my .file! perv!
#12151
* @Pretsel wants a little robot which will clean floors and vacumn rooms :/
<Mad-Cow> You can get them
<@Pretsel> Yeah but I'd imagine they'd be expensive :D
<Mad-Cow> It'll cost you a few million but you can get em
<@Pretsel> Woah Woah... I don't want a wife...
#66705
<Sean`Macmillan> In a consulting firm I worked for, they abbreviated "analysis" as "anal."
<Sean`Macmillan> So after a school survey was done, one of the items on the agenda was "School visits and follow-up anal."
#24566
<Shock[JR]breakfast> basically i went to a kegger and drank 4000 kegs and got sloshed then i temporarily left the establishment and then i saw a schoolbus parked outside so i was like FUCK THIS IS TEAM FORTRESS REAL LIFE I AM AN ENGINEER -e- REPRESENT FUCK then i started taking off the bumper / mirrors / stop sign then i got arrested and they took my shoes / shirt and threw me in jail
<Shock[JR]breakfast> all i could do, while i was sitting in the cop car, was make fun of the laptop
#31063
<Excreta_Pusher_5000> anyone want to buy a bass guitar?
<Excreta_Pusher_5000> from my experiences, girls will want to lay you if you know how to play bass guitar
<DP> you're an idiot
#13404
<@rtav> CaptainX, It is considered outdated and sexist to refer to your barbecue with "her"
<@rtav> CaptainX, Unless it is an erotic barbecue with the erotic feature set of a woman.
<@rtav> Then I propose that you are confusing a hooker with a barbecue.
<@rtav> To determine once and for all whether you are dealing with a barecue or a hooker, simply light it on fire.
<@rtav> If it runs, you are dealing with a hooker.
<@rtav> If it does not, you are either dealing with a barbecue or a dead hooker.
#32514
<Ender_CN> I read the bible, as soon as I found out god was jesus' father I knew it was just a cheap star wars rip off so I stopped
#31527
* RunNeoRun activates the Snow Scan
<ZaphodB> wow.
<ZaphodB> i am fwcasniated by the pdloepper farada.
<ZaphodB> uff da
<ZaphodB> fwascinaetd by the dopler rafdar.
<ZaphodB> GODDAMMIT
<ZaphodB> WORK, FINGERs
<ZaphodB> fascinated by the doppler radar
<RunNeoRun> ZaphodB: please don't make me laugh so hard. my abs are really sore
<ZaphodB> there wg ego
Comment: #userfriendly during blizzard in Ohio
#19290
<justin3> I want a a pet rock shaped as the pope
#12444
<Knamel> but its basically "I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but i'm the only one talking to you" <Knamel> And i follow that line up with "Comon baby, happiness is only a light switch away"
#39811
<Alacard2k> Hello, You may explain your situation to me here.
<Nabisco> i am trying to find out how to make people stop swearing in my chan
<Alacard2k> lol ban them
<Nabisco> its not funny, i am not a cunt lickin ass pumper