Random | Latest | Best | Full Site
#1838
<Amanda`> I'm not taking a shower today.
<Amanda`> bastards in class won't know what hit them.
<Guilty> At least take a dip in the swimmin' hole
#32217
<Josho> like math, giant wangs are a universal language
#1745
(nexxai) [poopfart]: can you fart and poo at the same time?
(poopfart) yes
(poopfart) i can
(poopfart) their called accidents
#294948
Mom: thanks to your status message, you can say good nite to the internet
*** Auto-response sent to Mom: I'm busy because my mom's being a nazi. Sieg Heil.
#34924
<lolboy> she can't hear because of the penisbirds
<@Pi> lol
<@penisfish> they go CAWK
<@penisfish> CAWK CAWK CAWK CAWK CAWK CAWK
#310326
< Spengo> so
< Spengo> I met up with one of my transgender friends who I haven't seen in forever
< Spengo> had a child
< Spengo> now he's transparent
< ryantmer> Somewhere, a drummer did a rimshot, and they have no idea why
< xmc> so technically you still haven't seen him
< ryantmer> Ha!
#8111
<@IS2> play it again, dugy
<@Dugy> oooooooo ah ooooo da da de da dooo
<@Dugy> oooooooo ah ooooo daaaaa da daaa
<@Dugy> oooooooo ah ooooo da da de da dooo
<@IS2> ahhh, what a classic
* IS2 saves it to his mp3 collection
<@Dugy> :(
#57641
<NiteHawk> My mom just caught me masturbating.. Dammit...
<Mikkel> Ah well, everyone does it man. Shit happens
<NiteHawk> Yeah but while I was about to blow the dog ran in, I was trying to push the dog out of the room when my mom walked in.
<NiteHawk> Lets just say its not a good site one hand on the dog, the other holding a kleenix full of jizz, and my pants half down.
<NiteHawk> The look on her face dood, she was mortified.
<Mikkel> >.<
#46763
<Macks> holy fuck i just witnessed the coolest thing ever
<Macks> i was out on my porch smoking and there was some guy walking up the road with a bag of liquor
<Macks> this car pulled up next to him and i could hear this lady start lecturing the guy on how bad alcohol is
<Macks> the guy just stood there and was taking it, when out of nowhere the guy starts screaming random obscenities at her, he swings his bag of liquor and smashes it into the windshield
<Macks> you can hear the lady freaking out and screaming about calling the cops and shit, she starts to speed off and the guy picks up this huge rock and chucks it at the car, smashing the back window into pieces
<HOBBEs> ahahha serves her right
<Macks> moral of the story, lecturing a drunk will get you nowhere
#309709
<wushin> Yeah, but I'm a sysadmin so to me, hacks, spam and other exploits are like pokemon and I got to catch them all.
#1552
<ckx> when i worked at the sub shop
<ckx> whenever a fat person would get a sub and a regular pepsi
<ckx> i'd be like "umm wouldn't you rather have a diet pepsi?"
<ckx> and they'd get all offended
<skmt> haha
<ckx> but they'd still get the diet pepsi instead
#5999
<bogue> you need a woman ;P
<bogue> or maybe a very feminine sheep
#30068
(+docviagra[bteg]) they sprung some suprise exams on us last week
(+docviagra[bteg]) they weren't actually suprises, I just forgot.
(+docviagra[bteg]) still, it was quite suprising.
Comment: #BTEG, GamesNet
#296750
Zerox: are you black
Eris: yes
Zerox: tell me the truth
Eris: I took a quiz online
Eris: it told me I'm black
#300852
<ranc0r> IT Rule: When Symantec buys a product, it goes to shit.
#76119
<Eldritch> my friend
<Eldritch> calls tech support for his ISP
<Eldritch> 'cuase hes getting packet loss
<Eldritch> they tell him his hard drive is probably full
<Eldritch> and that he should delete some things
<Eldritch> so he says to the guy
<Eldritch> he has a 60 gig hard drive and only 30 is used
<Eldritch> the rep says
<Eldritch> "thats alot"
<Eldritch> and that half is about the point where things start to mess up
Comment: Adelphia internet
#5626
*** jonathans changes topic to 'PLZ FWD ALL PACKAGES MARKED "GAY" TO PROPER DEPARTMENTS (IN REAR)'
#37244
<barracuda> i got a letter in the mail that said i've been fired
<barracuda> theres no reason for termination tho
<barracuda> brb
-a few minutes later-
<barracuda> fuck
<barracuda> i got fired for reading bash
<Smithereen> Where do you work?
<barracuda> at church
#31096
<DaJoob> is there any recycle bin type thing in FreeBSD where i can recover recently deleted files? i just accidentally deleted a symbolic link
#30405
<dreamwraith> Girls that think oral sex isn't really sex are so fucked in the head.
<Dest> dreamwraith: Literally.
#28366
* OnACloud (dilistener@IN-8A96057.in-addr.btopenworld.com) has joined
<OnACloud> Evening f*ckwits
* OnACloud was kicked by DJ-Pyro (bad start)
#38412
< jordan_> A Spanish-language version of Windows XP, destined for
Latin American markets, asked users to select their gender
between "not specified," "male" or "bitch," because of an
unfortunate error in translation.
#14250
* <r0b3r> sighs and ponders what to do now....
* <Lynda> ponders, "draw something?"
<r0b3r> Tried that already. Can't think of anything to draw, really.
<Lynda> draw... a couple, resting in bed together.
* <r0b3r> blinks at what Lynda says....
<r0b3r> No. I don't draw that, thank you ery much.
<Lynda> I wasn't suggesting anything ecchi.
<Lynda> I take it you've never had a really serious relationship.
<r0b3r> I have one with someone right now, actually.
<r0b3r> Just it's an odd relationship considering my character is human
and she is an alien...
#8789
<Stain> when i was 8 i still thought girls were the enemy. Now, 12 years later, i'm fucking one.
<HailBrak> stain: an 8 year old girl?
<Idioteq> WITH A KNIFE
#3682
<Guinivere> they have cable in Montana?
<Ouroboros> Yeah, you use it for barb-wire fences.
<Ouroboros> You know, cable.
<Ouroboros> Or for pulling your truck out of the ditch or whatever.