Random | Latest | Best | Full Site
#69953
<jon> shit... im sittin here tryin to get info about Tool for my class presentatin, and 40 mins later here i am reading about woody allen, history of fonts, and the temptations of jesus of nazareth
<jon> stupid wikipedia, be less organized!
#28567
<Jubei-> sup nigs
<kaihn[afk]> :o
<Jubei-> i mean..
<Jubei-> Hello fine gentlemen, how are you this fine morning?
#29436
<ryano> grape juice + vodka > red wine
#2940
<T_hibiki_> you catch your lady in bed with another man what do you do ?
<sparatik> tell him she has an STD
#10217
<NK|Snipe>_____/\_____\o/_____
<NK|Snipe>^Shark Attack :)
#151794
<cyclonut> the whole "you must use our browser" "you have been authenticated" bla bla bla bullcrap doesnt sit well with me
<homerj> they detect your IP, contact your ISP for your information. Then they sneak into your house and install Vista
<homerj> then charge it to your bank account
<cyclonut> homerj, and then take a crap in your toilet and not flush. thats their trademark
<homerj> cyclonut, yes, that's how you know it wasn't just random vandalism
<RioMerc> Anyone who craps in your toilet and doesn't flush gets sued for trademark infringement
#309557
<TauNeutrino> hey guys
<TauNeutrino> I have one freaking question
<TauNeutrino> When might I call myself an intermediate linux user? Let's discuss !
<Sodel_the_V> TauNeutrino: An intermediate Linux user is someone who has stopped wondering how sound on Linux can POSSIBLY be this bad.
#107683
<Zyrjello> E-mail from my comp sci professor:
<Zyrjello> I want to be clear on this point, because several
<Zyrjello> people have asked me.
<Zyrjello> The release of HALO3, tonight, does NOT qualify
<Zyrjello> as a religious holiday.
#5320
<Lucent-H> who wants pictures of high school cheerleaders that want to do me?
<moijkNrg> Lucent: I don't want to see any male cheerleaders
#31058
<-Porkroller-> hey, whatever produces the most result with the least labor
<-Porkroller-> is the way to god
<-Porkroller-> go
<-Porkroller-> lol
Comment: from a staunch atheist
#106854
<Hanazawa> so it's my mom's birthday on the 26th, and I want to see a band called The Birthday Massacre on the 27th, so my schedule looks like "mom's birthday / birthday massacre?"
<Cecil_Harvey> :I
<Hanazawa> and this amuses me
#16974
<Cyc66> http://cgi.ebay.ca/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=****
<Cyc66> plz ruin that auction
<bbz_> what do i want to do that for?
<Cyc66> she's a dirty whore
<bbz> maybe i could get her phone number
<Cyc66> uh why would u do that
<bbz> well, if she is a dirty whore
#19200
<etiolate> i am a lil loose tonight
<etiolate> I had a brass monkey
<etiolate> which is rum, vodka, and OJ
<IQpierce> they should call it a White Bronco
<IQpierce> because all three of those things were probably in that car
#65605
<Burningmace> I had a customer in hysterics today at work
<+KPR> how come?
<Burningmace> Well, we sell lots of things that have different types, so sometimes you can buy assorted packs
<Burningmace> He was buying some flavoured condoms... assorted ones, so the computer automatically prepends "Assorted" to the start of it
<Burningmace> So I put it through and hand him the reciept and he checks it and starts laughing
<+KPR> huh?
<Burningmace> I took a look at the reciept, and because the line didn't fit on the paper, it'd truncated the first word.
<Burningmace> So he'd bought some Ass Flavoured Condoms.
Comment: It's a laugh a minute at Lidl
#41
<_Riddler_> i was in the grocery store today
<_Riddler_> and I got this boner
<_Riddler_> I dunno
<_Riddler_> Maybe it was the melons
<IceWizard> Riddler: YOU SAW THE CARROTS
#42935
<aeon> you know its going to be a bad day when a lesbian calls you at 2 in the afternoon, thinking she's pregnant
Comment: #adium on Freenode.
#14638
<Noctornus-> you know what they say about a guy with small hands......
<+Anton> "He doesn't have big hands"?
#36265
<tobaki> haha, my mom was listening to the new lenny kravitz album and she was like "wow, lenny sure sounds angry"
<tobaki> then he started getting violent and my mom was like "oh my god!"
<tobaki> then she took the cd out of the player and saw that it was my brothers "distUrbed" album
<tobaki> the sad part is it took her 8 songs to realize something was wrong
#7459
<trimp> indd: go smell your mom's panties
<indd> i cant, she threw them at aerosmith.
#284
<ikkenai> what does sex in a boat and american beer have in common
<ikkenai> they're both fucking close to water
#41000
<Rogue> A few weeks ago my youngest came running out of the bedroom, using his underwear as a gun holdster, pulled out the gun, shot me with the little suction cup thing, then said "Gimme your money". Tell me that isn't a smart kid. It kills his victim before robbing them. Less of a struggle.
<frostyfx> wow you are a good father
Comment: #ug/irc.alternatenet.net
#42322
<Nin10doman> A tail would be cool..
<Nin10doman> You coudl bitchslap peopel with it.
<Nin10doman> Or open doors if you were carryign shit.
<dorfsquest> yeah. Especially if you could swing from trees with it.
<Nin10doman> And you can whip people with it.
<Deg> hell, grow another few arms
<Deg> and another few penises
* Joins: strongbad
<Nin10doman> maybe even masturbate with it, but that's going into the inner depths of the sick regions of my mind.
<Nin10doman> I mean, the fur could be a semi-lubricant, right?
* Quits: strongbad (Quit: )
Comment: #game_maker
#32744
<@tadashi-> i remember everytime chinese new year rolled on by
<@tadashi-> the teacher would make us do a parade through the school
<@tadashi-> and i'd fucking lead it cuz i was the only azn in my class
<@tadashi-> i was like wtf
#8215
<DotSPF> man, my mate is a complete div.
<DotSPF> he asked for my help coz he'd forgotten his hotmail password - I go round to see if he's put in a secret question so I can resurrect his account.
<DotSPF> what a prick
<DotSPF> his secret question was 'what is my password'
<DotSPF> i'm gonna go out and see if I can find him a cheap iMac
#1784
<D1> on call for help, they ask this guy for the type of modem he has, so he tries to be a bigshot and says, "YEAH, I HAVE AN INDUSTRY STANDARD ARCHITECHTURE MODEM, I THINK IT'S PCI."