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#8673
<X-man> i had a comp sci teacher that named her dog scsi
<X-man> i felt bad for it
#157391
wasted` : so basically you fucked a virgin and were disappointed by her lack of experience?
#40381
<squeakymewmew> We lost power last night. A transformer exploded in the parking lot.
<PartiallyClips> Autobot or Decepticon?
Comment: AIM convo
#30588
* @cagey strangles the fuck out of the verizon guy
<@cagey> CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW, MOTHERFUCKER?!
#54037
<Happy_Dot> So my dad and I were reading readers digest, and there was this ad for some apocalypse book. It said "The end is near! Dont delay! This book will tell you everything you need to know! Hurry!" Then, at the bottom of the page, it says : please allow 6 to 8 weeks for delivery.
#10372
<Charlesowns> Man i was surfin porn and like "normal" surfin at the same time, so my mom comes in and i quick as hell tab down the porn. So now im looking at a SWAT vest and an Mp5 submachinegun trying to hide the giant penis in my pants. Then all of a sudden this realy gay male voice speaks out realy loud goin "i want to suck your big dick ans swallow your hot sperm" then like 100 popups open up all consisting of hardcore fetish gayporn.
<Charlesowns> man my mom started crying and now she thinks im gay... it owns
#29023
<@Eldritch> I once said no to sex in favor of diddy kong racing since I was near to beating the game
<prez> You're a true gamer when ....
#10284
<AnalInvasion> my dick is so big it has feet
<NinjaInThePants> my dick is so big popcorn now comes in small, medium, large, and my dick.
#11532
<jre> God is a racist. Look in the old testament and you'll find nothing but nationalistic hatred of others.
<JesusGurl> God is not a racist. what racist would have Jews as His chosen people?
#381
<^0_o^> i'm a girl's dream!
<^0_o^> if only i had a chance to prove myself...
<DooD> a paper bag will give u many chances
<DooD> if they cant see the face, they cant use the mace
#2431
<Chocobo> blt: I'll hire you as a debt collector, your first job is to reach into your pocket and gimme money
#47180
<@merl> I tried to convince my girlfriend that the reason she got headaches after we had sex was because my dong touched her brain
#1557
<Badforyou> Does anyone know where you can buy large, exceptionally strong plastic bags, fake dog poo, sulphuric acid, aroma therapy candles, and a ten pound dead doberman on the internet?
<freekoala> all but the dead dog on amazon.com i bet
<freekoala> you could put together your 'amazon.com' wishlist and send it to people. they will wonder about the theme, but keep them wondering.
#297080
<Pryoidain> I had this terrible sinus infection once, all the mucus, the works
<Pryoidain> Well at some point, between all the antihistamines, I thought it'd be a brilliant idea to snort a crapton of Instant coffee.
<Pryoidain> Now for those of you who don't know, ANY moisture will turn instant coffee, into actual coffee.
<Pryoidain> I became a human percolator for like, an hour an a half.
<asaph> ....You need to do one of those "This is what happens when you do drugs" commercials.
<asaph> Half the country would go sober 24 hours after it hit air.
#135819
<jim_duggan> Why are the cheerleaders all pumped up after the game?
<jim_duggan> The game is over, why are they all still, "GO JAGS!"
<jim_duggan> They went, its over, they won
<PatHighgate> Jim, because the players are about to boink them
<PatHighgate> They're excited.
<jim_duggan> You spelled rape wrong
#7623
<Beesta> it's clearly time to go home
<Beesta> I just wrote "getCumming" insted of "getCommunications"
<Beesta> *shudder*
#17638
<sabo> i hate it when there's no toilet paper in the house.
<sabo> cause then i have to wipe my ass with maxi pads.
#4143
<uneasier> would it be out of line if i were to request that my testes be softly nestled within your food receptacle?
<Jan__> mmm braized testicle
<Jan__> with a nice bottle of chianti
<Jan__> fthfthfthfthfthfthfth!
* uneasier runs away
#16761
{KatmanDu} I'm hung like a baby.
{KatmanDu} 15 inches, 8 pounds.
{Midnight} Now that, is an evil picture....
{KatmanDu} "Pardon me while I whip this out."
{Xain} Oh he nick named it to?
{KatmanDu} "Russel the love muscle."
{Midnight} Kat, you are about as subtle as a heart attack
#183485
<Vincerific> /quit
<Vincerific> i wanted to see if he would go "/quit?"
<Vincerific> and log off
<Vincerific> XD
<Scarecrow> lol I remember you tried to fool me like that once Vince.
<Scarecrow> But I learnt how not to fail
<Scarecrow> >:)
* Scarecrow has quit IRC (Quit)
<Vincerific> LOL
#70470
<+Kiro> I totally pulled the Jedi mind trick on someone.
<+Kiro> Like, we get commissions for tours and stuff.
<+Kiro> 15 bucks per tour if its from 1 of our 2 companies, nothing if its from this 3rd party.
<+Kiro> So this guy insists on getting 8 tours from this 3rd company.
<+Kiro> So I just looked at him and was like.
<+Kiro> "You don't want this tour company"
<+Kiro> ANd he was all.
<+Kiro> "I dont want this tour company"
#1735
(Dark_Fear) women and malls gotogether like warez and t3 connectiosn :)
#54252
<minion> a kid tried to kill himself today at school
<legoman> tried? what went wrong?
<minion> he tried to hang himself and the rafter broke
<legoman> what sort of shoddy-ass structure was he in?
<legoman> a tent?
#3652
<blazemore> one time i was camping with a bunch of friends and me and this girl were sleeping next to each other and we were both laying on our sides with our asses touching and i accidentally farted
#8215
<DotSPF> man, my mate is a complete div.
<DotSPF> he asked for my help coz he'd forgotten his hotmail password - I go round to see if he's put in a secret question so I can resurrect his account.
<DotSPF> what a prick
<DotSPF> his secret question was 'what is my password'
<DotSPF> i'm gonna go out and see if I can find him a cheap iMac