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#31152
<[moose]KT> Quoting bash.org is like masturbating, people know you do it
#39904
<Puunukke> A Russian lieutenant stands on a cliff with his crew. He looks down, and points at one of his privates.
<Puunukke> - You there. Stand here on the edge, stick your right hand out and jump down.
<Puunukke> The lieutenant watches the soldier fall down and shouts to the next one.
<Puunukke> - You! Come here, point your left hand and left foot forward and jump down.
<Puunukke> The lieutenant again watches the soldier fall, thinks for a minute and shouts again.
<Puunukke> - You there. Come lie down here on the edge, put your right foot up and roll over to the chasm.
<Puunukke> The lieutenant continues until a general arrives at the scene shouting at the lieutenant.
<Puunukke> - Lieutenant Vasiljev, how many times do I have to tell you not to play Tetris at work?
#296031
(+winterwyn): The asterisk of Judaism illustrates their inclusiveness and technological savvy by utilizing a string wildcard.
#7962
<ICIST> I get that warm and fuzzy feeling
<@Deth> like when you pee your pants?
<ICIST> kinda
<ICIST> more like when i shit myself
#94997
<nightwolf> What are your thoughts on chivalry? Do you hold the door open for women?
<nightwolf> Or do you rush through and let it close in her face?
<worrydream> I rush through and lock the door behind me. If she's able to climb through the window, she's a keeper.
<nightwolf> Do you open the window for her?
<worrydream> Yes. But it's the second-story window.
<nightwolf> Do you leave her a ladder?
<worrydream> No. I expect her to lash together a ladder out of rope and wood.
<nightwolf> Do you leave her rope?
<worrydream> No. I expect her to weave a rope out of natural available materials.
<worrydream> Grasses and vines and stuff.
<nightwolf> Do you leave her those materials?
<worrydream> I leave her seeds.
#4012
<Gallant> what's the point of programmin C/C++ if your goal is to make readable code?
#3763
<[ric]> as the old joke goes, commodore is so bad a marketing, if they bought KFC they would rename it "warm dead bird"
#133376
[+TheWickerMan] as much as i don't want to desecrate the memory of cliff burton
[+TheWickerMan] i can't help but chuckle a bit when reading about his death
[+TheWickerMan] getting crushed by a bus is tragic but
[+TheWickerMan] when the lift falls over that's picking up the bus
[+TheWickerMan] and you get crushed by the same bus AGAIN
[+TheWickerMan] that is just hilarious
#57848
<Yoshi> 28. [Harvest Moon 64] What is the name of the puppy that the potion shop owner and his grandkids kept?
<Yoshi> Here's a hint, J
<J> wat
<J> wats my hint
#19035
<xpander> fuck this toolset is the SHIT
<xpander> i could spend weeks playing with this thing
<Scire> that's what I said about my dick when I was about 11
<Scire> turns out, I could spend YEARS playing with it
<xpander> that would be SWEET
<xpander> years upon years of interactive fun
#4078
<Mukluk> My lungs hold 650 cubic cenimeters of air. :P
<Mukluk> I know this because it was measured by a doctor. :P
<fRy-> WHAT THE FUCK? :P
<Mukluk> I was told that that's an extremely high capacity. :P
<Mukluk> I could fucking beat all of you to death. :P
<DeadRinga> with your lungs?
<z0rg> Mukluk hahahah
<Mukluk> Laugh all you like, little-lung. :P
#4077
<BombScare> i need to get my eyes lasered
<eldee> ditto.. 2k per eye though
<eldee> i'm saving my money for something i wont take for granted though :)
<enos> i don't trust that eye laser surgery yet
<enos> it'd be sweet tho to not need glasses or contacts
<BombScare> i have an aunt that had it done, she loves it
<BombScare> like 20 seconds and you can see
<eldee> BombScare: damn.. i dont even think jesus was that fast
<eldee> god bless america!
<eldee> or something
<BombScare> hah
#4108
<reaper> I'm not racist I have colour TV :/
#24579
<raluka> I live in Southwest Europe
<JaniceF> New Mexico?
<raluka> Southwest Europe hun
<JaniceF> Oh you mean Brazil?
<JaniceF> I know! Lichenstein?
<raluka> Spain.
#30376
<ThunderClaw> God dammit, my eyes...
<Lizking> dont worry ThunderClaw, soon, you'll be broken in
<Lizking> and this wont disturb you as much
<ThunderClaw> You know,
<ThunderClaw> this is the same reason I don't go looking at goatse.
<ThunderClaw> MY LIFE IS COMPLETE WITHOUT THESE MENTAL IMAGES, THANKS.
#652
<TrUSoLDiA> since when was linux free?
#262692
<Elleo> someone should open a geek pub that only plays prog rock called The Progress Bar
#302974
<Sculptor> i learnt binary numbers at the age of 7
<Sculptor> 2nd grade math
<Sculptor> commie countries always had great math courses
<CStubing> commie countries couldn't afford any more digits
Comment: EFnet#c++
#153
<watashiwa> I think hypr accidentally joined #invest by mistakenngly typing a v instead of a c.
#36918
<GLC> I saw this banner... with a chick saying "do you want to meet me?"
<GLC> and there was a "yes" button and a "no" button
<GLC> I clicked "no"
<GLC> and it took me to an IQ test website
<GLC> wtf
#11485
<jre> I know how to end racism. It involves a lot of fucking.
<egg> 1st ANNUAL ORGY TO END RACIAL DISCRIMINATION
<Idiotsavant> Usher in the vaunted age of syphilis
#15699
<outcaste> Mr Gates donated $38 million to aids research?>
<brian2> yeah, outcaste, he wants windows to be the only deadly disease
affecting millions
#307893
<normalboy>rofl
<normalboy>re: hollow spy coins
<normalboy>Start the day thinking you had exact change to pay for breakfast; end the day realizing you paid with two dollars, three cents and six hits of acid.
Comment: #wtfux
#591
<gb> I'M BREAKING OUT THE DoS
<gb> THERE GOEZ ED
<gb> BYE BYE
<hypr> DONT DOS ME"
<hypr> FUCKERKGHJIJGEG
<blazemore> hypr: quick, go buy dsl!
#740
<cyde> Nocarrier, AOL Called. They said they miss you.