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#1730
<Mikkel> If you went camping and you got REALLY drunk with your friend and you
woke up the next morning with a condom stuck up your ass would you tell anybody?
<Celestya> i dont think so
<Mikkel> Wanna go camping?
#8757
<Kurt> Good day prospective employer, I am both smarter than a hatful of periwinkles and prettier than two bags of smashed assholes. Fail to employ me at your own risk.
#15680
<PetrDoubt> Geez, I'm going to have to set up a procmail filter to deal with
employee farewell notices.
#57445
<ozzybard> i had to get a new hdd today because the old one died on monday. Been so busy it has taken me this long to getting around to proving it
<lightguard> does it have porn on it yet?
<lightguard> i am of firm belief that all new hard drives should come with porn
<lightguard> it saves time, cause it's only going to end up on there later anyway
<ozzybard> that is probably why my old drive died... no porn
<lightguard> it has been conclusively proven that the life of the drive is directly related to the amount of porn on the drive
<lightguard> its like viagra for hardware :D
<Pyah-pyah> The more porn, the higher the chance of the drive crashing and consequently losing all that porn?
<lightguard> no, oddly enough.
<Pyah-pyah> That is odd
<lightguard> porn seems to have an effect on the stability of your system
<lightguard> for optimal running of windows XP, i recommend all Dell PC's be shipped with an additional 120gb drive filled with porn.
#104302
<Gerrit> Cannot join #real-life (Banned)
#4098
<akh76> Hello, I'm "an ki hong" from Korea.
<akh76> I want to know The reason Why I'm ven
<akh76> I'm lacks a Knowledge of irc
<akh76> Thank you and I hope to get your reply back soon.
#34564
<ChrizzNL> err this is a C++ help channel, right?
<oracel> a what?
<ChrizzNL> what kinda channel is this??
<oracel> a channel for people with the rare blood decease Rhesus C plus (plus)
<ChrizzNL> woops
#4753
<xterm> The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?
#180107
<@manda> Foxhill has a one track mind
<Foxhill> manda it is not one track!
<Foxhill> it's multi-track
<Foxhill> sure they all go to the same destination
<Foxhill> but some routes are prettier
<Foxhill> others are more direct
<Foxhill> so show us yer tits
#17009
<jonathans> i can stand on the sides of my ankles
<jonathans> both heels inward
<jonathans> i can balance on one for a bit
<clay> i can touch my penis with my hands
#23871
<@SJr> You know since bash has gone down, I have gotten a girlfriend, started eating right, and started actually trying in school, I have an essay do and I actually started working on it?
<@magtec> sjr, you know bash is back up right?
<@SJr> *sigh* there goes my future...
#16979
<mgt> i can't find any good porn anymore tho
<mgt> i like reading stories now
<mgt> it gets my imagination going
<mgt> the trick is getting yourself to actually believe they are true
<mgt> and not written by some fat horny star trek fan
#4585
<[ric]> personally I prefer a nice big vibro up the ass while typing two handed
<gaymale> your coworkers get suspicious if you type good one hand in front of them
<[ric]> yeh.. luckily I have the door wired up to the vibro, that way the motor cuts out as they enter the room
#59651
<qozi> Mmkay. Let this be a lesson to ya all
<qozi> getting piss drunk and playing with the flyback on a CRT is NOT the way to a "fun night".
<qozi> Although it is entirely entertaining to see people getting eletrozapped with enough force to clear several meters backwards
<qozi> such is NOT entertaining when it's your turn and you happen to be the only one bare-footed standing on wet grass outside.
<qozi> On the positive side, ether my body is still in shock, or running 20kVolts across your skin is a good way to prevent handovers, although my feet are still completly numb and unresponsive this wonderful morning.
Comment: Aftermath of a party at the electronics repair shop
#295050
<AT_5193> i've got a kitty footwarmer
<@Illwen> Let's not talk about cats please.
<AT_5193> i've got a common-house-pet-that-is-not-a-dog footwarmer
#13399
(jeek) Jesus Christ.
(jeek) How the hell am I supposed to swallow two alka-seltzer pills.
(jeek) ?
(seawolf_) put them in water first
(jeek) But then they'll dissolve
(jeek) Oh, I get it
(jeek) n/m
#194565
<protospork> I just clicked on a random image link in a conversation about cocks
<protospork> man that was smart
#32939
<goatasaur> what do you call a black guy flying an airplane?
<blah> i refuse to anwser that
<blah> im probably wrong
<goatasaur> a PILOT, you racist
#32464
<BlackDeth> dont tell me what i am
<BlackDeth> i know what i am
<ckx> alright popeye
#4285
<mightyflo> TP-PS2 667 Remote Control: Infrared Transmitter for PS/PS2
<mightyflo> "Put your gamepad away and watch DVDs with a wireless remote, just like the pros use! Yeah, pro DVD watchers, that's right."
<SukiPotato4> Yeah, I have my bachelors in law, but my masters in DVD watching
#58795
<Apollo> Ugh, I was looking at this one animal porn site, and the chick blowing the dog spit out what looked like melted ice cream. Dog cum doesnt look like that, it's clear, ffs.
<Trinexx> Two things wrong with that
<Trinexx> 1) Why the hell are you looking at animal porn?
<Trinexx> 2) How the FUCK do you know what dog cum looks like?
<Apollo> uh... would you believe curiosity?
#305324
<Pomax> 20 years from now, someone is going to have the radical idea to give users access to the underlying OS, rather than to the browser API, and he will be heralded a revolutionary.
<Pomax> All manner of programming languages will pop up that work outside "the browser", giving access to "offline" applications, storing files in "user space", even perhaps running in something called "kernel mode".
<Pomax> It'll be a brave new world.
<Mirell> It's scary that's believable.
#34571
<Rjx> I had indiviual therapy for a while, but I stopped going
<Rjx> she would say "tell me what you're thinking"
<Rjx> and I would be honest
<Rjx> I think it was when I dissected the word "therapist" and got "the rapist" that she thought it wouldn't be beneficial anymore
#14019
<ion-> at least she has correctly proportioned genetalia
<ion-> within two standard deviations from the mean
#124
<FuNGiSiDE> is xxdethxx givin out instructions to make that portable pocket pussy again