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#6983
<unlord> you are now talking to a man who owns a piece of furniture for the express purpose of sleeping on it
<Animix> oooooooooooh
<Animix> can I have your autograph
#311140
< m1dnight_> Jezus, these damn terrorists are blowing up half my
< m1dnight_> I was late for the university today.
< m1dnight_> Thank god I had to pass 2 bombsites on my way to the university. Not to mention the fact that my university was an actual target (immediate threat)
< m1dnight_> Man this stuff is surreal. People are texting me to ask me if I'm alive..
< m1dnight_> Even one guy "I knew I had to try IRC to contact you so I installed this mirc thing" :>>>
#7692
<evilmarq> my fingers smell of garlic
<Rawr> Where have you been sticking them?
<evilmarq> up my arse
<Rawr> Your arse smells of garlic?
<evilmarq> yes
<Rawr> Why?
<evilmarq> i put garlic up my ass
#8759
<jamesm> is it worth going to see Moulin Rouge?
<Tippytoes> dont be a fag
<MMouse> i saw it twice. it was excellent
<Tippytoes> i rest my case.
#4314
<madwoota> rice rockets are for fags and shrivel dicks
<madwoota> 'hey baby, lets hump in the wrx..' 'sorry, cant even get my panties off in here'
#44942
<[sync]> Windows Services for Unix destroyed my windows installation
<[sync]> Microsoft: this is what you get, traitor
#37005
<@Jedi> <@TheZEEness> SHIT ON AN OVEN
<@Jedi> i wonder what kind of amazing stench you could make shitting in an oven and then cranking it up to 450
<@TheZEEness> I wonder if at a certain tempurature, shit starts smelling like flowers
<@Jedi> fly me to your house, i'll shit in your oven...
<@TheZEEness> That sounds like a horrible cover of that Sinatra song
<@TheZEEness> FFLLLLYYYYY me to your house, so I maaayyy shit upon your oven
#311173
<paulguy> Kenya East sounds like a knockoff Kanye West
#70207
<LycoLoco> My son has a gameboy advance, and he blows on the cartidges when they don't work. The funny thing, is that this was not taught to him. He just did it on instinct, which leads me to believe that this behavior is inherited not learned. It seems that I've blown into so many nintendo cartridges, that it has changed my DNA...
#6282
<tertyl> and i've bent a spoon with the power of my mind...though when the drugs wore off..it was back to normal...
#1156
<Viscant> hey, i learned a lot from loveline
<Viscant> if a chick has thin white worms coming out of the tang, don't go down there
<Viscant> thanks dr. drew!
<ceddar> thin white worms means everything is a-ok
<ise> ew thin white worms?
<ise> WTF are those
<ruin-> im wondering the sameeeeeee thing...
<ceddar> my policy is if the girl has anything coming out, thin white worms, little black worms, tigers, bears, anything coming out from there, im dropping her off back at her house
<Viscant> oh yeah. and the one about the guy who only wanted to go down on his girl during "that time of the month"
<Dasrik> the one that i wished i could just reach across the phone and bitchslap
<Dasrik> like
<Dasrik> "i just sucked a guy off, and i swallowed. can i get pregnant?"
#62175
<evilAdmin> omg... PDF rules.
<evilAdmin> since everyone figured out the whole blacked out text thing (which is perfectly recoverable)...
<evilAdmin> all of the office is busy putting in hidden quotes and messages at the end of work documents as thick black lines, including upper management and admin (even the CEO is busy quoting 'Gates).
<evilAdmin> Then, coworkers play with the new hires- claiming you can only read it once you print it off. Most of them fall for it, I even saw one guy saying it was a "Magic Eye" sort of thing where the black stripe dissapears and the letters pop out.
<evilAdmin> much to my dismay, his buddy was sitting there cross-eyed with the paper 8cm away from his face.
<evilAdmin> >:)
#5298
<chinger> My real name is Thoma
<chinger> s
<LimberDink> Well hello there, Thoma
<LimberDink> s
#32747
<n3wt> Anyone have any scissors?
<n3wt> Oh, you're all on the internet aren't you, nm
Comment: #awars-bench
#77026
<Darren> These anti-drug commericals are getting out of hand.
<Darren> It's this cartoon, and this guy is smoking a joint.
<Darren> And then this alien lands on Earth.
<Darren> And then the guys girlfriend hooks up with the alien when he denies weed.
<Kenji> i want what hes smoking
<Amt> me too
#8993
<Tron> damn non-geeks taking over the digital domain!
#296053
<Takuja> how to get field from some row of sql qury?
<Takuja> if query got 10 row, how to get fiels from row[3] exampl
<MaximusBrood> You must invert the polarity first.
<Takuja> mi eanglish is bad. whai is polarity?
<MaximusBrood> It must be inverted.
<Takuja> whith nexrow() ?
<MaximusBrood> No, I'm just fucking around with you.
<Takuja> fucking - this is a function ?
#10128
<hh> have u ever fucked nickelodean gak?
<hh> i have
<hh> its awesome
<hh> i call it masturbation goo
#1193
<|Chris> i want you to setup a word substitution in your head
<|Chris> whenever you see the term "wrestling," i want you to think, "white trash"
#6519
<monami> my boss is okay except for the following scenario that we have to play out four or five times a year :
<monami> Act I
<monami> BOSS: Do A.
<monami> ME: If we do A, B will occur.
<monami> BOSS: I don't care, do it anyways.
<monami> Act II
<monami> BOSS: OH MY GOD, B HAS HAPPENED.
<monami> ME: sigh
#7355
<whyerhead> hrm. I couldn't get laid in a womens prison with a fist full of pardons
#247654
<joseph321> hey guys can i ask a question?
<Stueh> Shoot
<joseph321> my girlfriend hasnt had her period in like 4 months do you think somethings wrong?
<Stueh> Erm ... you sure she's not pregnant?
<joseph321> yeah shes 4 months pregnant
<DanceNigga|Work> You can't be serious
<Stueh> Kid, it's not too late for an abortion, you know that right?
#181576
<@rob> the trolls that are in #flirts are internet trolls. stacy`` is the kind of troll that lives in the ground and under bridges and asks tolls of people passing over her
<@Phrang> oh, i've heard of that profession.
#1672
(Stacey```) i'd like to know who the fuck encodes shit to real player
(Stacey```) so i can kick their ass
#17944
<Jarp> i am 19 years old
<Jarp> the big 2.0, if ya add up the numerals