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#32109
* ikkenai changes topic to 'STOP SUBMITTING MY QUOTES TO BASH.CX YOU FUCKING IDIOTS'
#8801
<cognac> i've discovered some serious design flaws regarding the human body!
<cognac> you see, we got two or more of almost all body parts..
<cognac> like ears, eyes, arms, legs, fingers, toes ++
<cognac> however, for the things that we REALLY like to do, like eating and fucking, we're only equipped with one tool
<cognac> or perhaps my discovery is just the answer to why we like oral sex and why "american pie" was made?
#4445
<K0ffing> you should Photoshop Raz ... I'll give you a dollar if you can make his face look less like a butt
#18965
<Pseudonym> I love how all through GTA3 there's an anti-drug theme
<Pseudonym> You spend half or more of your missions stopping people from pushing SPANK
#24600
<kak> Alereon you're a dumb fucking cunt thanks for your help i'm going to go commit suicide
<@Alereon> I love it when problems solve themselves!
#25272
<haole-writing> did you ever read my story, vampress?
<Vampress> I'm sorry I didn't get a chance yet
<Vampress> it's sitting on my nightstand
<Vampress> staring at me everyday
<Ragnarok> haole must have put a lot of himself in that story
#144222
<tarepanda> My parents lived in a village called Scotland.
<tarepanda> So they named me... Scott.
<tarepanda> I endured so much teasing for so many years.
<tarepanda> Scott from Scotland went to Scotland Elementary... and our mascot was the Scotland Scottie.
<LightFang> did you let them get off...scot-free?
#241
<SWM> if the average penis is 6"
<SWM> and the average pussy is 8" deep that means there''s about 2 miles of unused pussy in like New York
#10350
<ignatz> You are carrying one half-empty Anchor Steam beer, a GameBoy, and an angst-filled heart. You are in a clearing in the woods near a technology company.
<zebulon_y> w
<ignatz> You fall into the Pacific Ocean.
<zebulon_y> e
<ignatz> You are in a clearing in the woods near a technology company. There is a dwarf here with a hat that says "QA" on it.
<zebulon_y> drink beer
<ignatz> glug.
<zebulon_y> say hello to dwarf
<ignatz> FUCK YOU, THAT'S MARKETING'S JOB says the dwarf. He hits you with a memo and you die.
#25655
<aphelion> dude this fuckin thing scared the shit out of me
<aphelion> flying around in my room
<aphelion> and then i was typing and i look down at the keyboard
<aphelion> and its crawling in front of me
<aphelion> fuckin had to lay the tai chi moves down on it
<aphelion> i hit it mid-air with a red herring magazine
<Flatline-> hahhhahah
<Flatline-> tai chi?
<Flatline-> you stretched at it?
<aphelion> ..
<Flatline-> my mom takes tai chi
<aphelion> im sure tai chi can be offensive too
<Flatline-> hahhahhahahha
<aphelion> :(
#6068
<GaeMan> Chia: Be nice to CAgurl today.
<chirpet> I am always nice to CAgurl. I resent the implication.
<chirpet> I am nice to everyone.
<chirpet> Always.
<chirpet> So shut up.
<chirpet> pigfucker.
#14305
PhantomStark> <-- laughing too hard to express it in internet acronyms
#26210
* Spike states that his wifey is having contractions about 15 min apart. so I need some fathers day presents.
<Pseudonym> You should be at the hospital instead of on IRC ¬¬
<Spike> well, we are waiting to go to the hospital till we get contractions 5 min apart
<Pseudonym> Ah
<Pseudonym> Sounds painful
<Pseudonym> <spike> QUICK LET ME TELL IRC ABOUT IT%@%#$^@#$#
* schmiddy` thinks of Spike and adds a new entry to "You might be an IRC addict if.
#9130
<FairLighT> you know something's wrong when you have dreams about eating pudding and you wake up with a spoon in your ass
#3341
<MicroChip> ok, so who's gonna win the superbowl?
<Chucker-away> the Yankees
<bishop> the sox
<MicroChip> you guys are so female
#2580
<salaman> Tzuri3l: hehe, there's a reason I charge $450/hr you know :)
<M5sedan_> wow, you must give really good head to charge that much ;)
<salaman> M5sedan: want to try? 10 hour minimum , and no pull-back policy ... 50% upfront ... got the money?
<M5sedan_> no pull-back policy = you swallow? ;)
<salaman> M5sedan_: yes, and also means If you come, I still charge you the 10hrs :) ... LOL
#126370
<pthree> it came to light the other day that I don't own any clothes that I picked out myself
<pthree> I'm a 28yr old barbie doll for my wife
#37688
<Naked> I like my Motorola phone because it has a rocketship function. On a full charge I can make it to the moon.
<Naked> Top that north. :P
<mrk> mines so small it makes good for foreplay
<mrk> phone ¬_¬
Comment: #futuremark
#160337
<@Ushanka> So, guys. I was reading a book about steganography, but I've lost my place.
<@Ushanka> This is a really good story about antigravity. I can't put it down!
<Mizzle> I fucking love this book about bibliophilia.
<@Ushanka> I started reading the Wikipedia article on gauntlets but stopped when it got too heavy-handed for my tastes.
<@Ushanka> I was reading the racy memoirs of a Wellington debutante but it made me feel a little sheepish.
<@Jello> I got all wrapped up in a book about bondage.
<Mizzle> I wasn't very far into my text on psychological trauma when I had to stop. It hurt too much.
<@Ushanka> The whole nation is abuzz for the new apiculture guide!
Comment: #thedryeraseboard on espernet
#114245
<Prrrrostata> in the back of national lampoon they had little round stickers that had a picture of a screw on them
* JacklynHyde hoists an eyebrow
<Prrrrostata> you could stick them over the heart on bumperstickers
<Prrrrostata> "I <screw> my german shepard"
#6564
<skrike> zhix: guess what Im doing
<zhix> skrike - what?
<skrike> zhix - Im doing the dishes, cuz sometimes thugs gotta tell the dishes whats up
<zhix> skrike - damn straight
<skrike> Im in the kitchen going "bitch you betta get clean"
#18586
(@juslooken) you do realise sweetyungthang... that the only girls who are going to cyber with you are ALSO guys pretending to be bi chicks
#24310
<@[CKS]Red_Robot> last time i was home i smoked a bowl in the middle of the night, and my mom woke up to go to the bathroom and told me "i can smell your pot, pothead"
<@[CKS]Red_Robot> then she went back to bed
#6692
* TT205 wants to build a SNOT-HIPPO!!!!
<TT205> *blink*
* TT205 wants to build a SNOW-HIPPO!!!!
#956
(jesdynf) If you could do it, though, you could hire kids to pedal bikes if your uptime meant that much to you... though watt for watt, you'd be better off having them steal car batteries.