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#15437
<WarBuddha> can someone explain to me why i have another cd-rom drive all of a sudden
<WarBuddha> sigh
<WarBuddha> my computer hates me
*** Quits: WarBuddha (Quit: Connection reset by peer)
#74549
<cached> What do you get when you cross a polar bear and a seal?
<cached> A polar bear.
#214202
<Lightning> my mom and dad put a pw on all my games and stuff except for irc
<Shrink> You could always try and brute force it
<Lightning> i'm not gonna hit a couple of elderly people!!
#567
[02:46am] [+oc] earlier when my video card wasnt working i started crying seriously
#28942
<@rzr_grl> wow.
<@rzr_grl> $1500 into the bank
<@rzr_grl> $1449.98 out of the bank
<@rzr_grl> in under 30 min
* rzr_grl sobs
<@jwz> hey, that's profit!
<@jwz> now you let the compound interest do its thing
#31858
<Karina> there are two people having mutual masturbation on my bed
<Karina> i'm going to blow.
<Gravity> what?
<Gravity> they're fingering each other on your bed?
<Karina> yes
<Gravity> male and female?
<Karina> yes
<Gravity> and are they both cute?
<Karina> yes
<Gravity> and you got on here to tell me about it ?
<Karina> yes
<Gravity> and didn't go join?
<Karina> no
<Gravity> If you have two hot people diddling around in your bed, and you're bi, and they're open, and you get on irc to tell someone else about it instad of joining/watching... You might be an addict.
#127326
<Random> I've wanked 50 times this year.
<Random> My ring finger is sore...
<Kogita> it's the third of January. You need help.
#28514
<railor> then there comes this really hot nurse chick and i like get an instant hard-on
<railor> she asks me if i'm ok and leaves. i tell to myself "what a fine piece of ass!" so i grab my dick and start whacking off like mad
<HaiFlick> so you've started jerking off to that nurse after you had been drunk like hell and woke up in the hospital?
<railor> yeah, but then suddenly a woman next to me started crying really loud. i couldn't see her due to the curtain though
<HaiFlick> lol
<railor> turns out it was my wife
#308933
<Eule> "cloud" aka "I think I'll put my files on a third-party service with unknown backup, retention, and future pricing policies, and hopefully they won't suddenly charge me too many thousands of dollars to get my own files back."
#6651
<Kron-Away> iam an accountant
<Kron-Away> 1,2,3,5,6,9,10
<Mr_Squidgy> kron what comes after 10 :P
<Kron-Away> my 15%
#8031
<iggypop> licking my own sweaty balls > quicktime
#46369
<blitzkrieg> I suggest finding a moving bus to tell all about it
<blitzkrieg> try standing in front of it to get its attention
Comment: #game_maker
#56827
(+[dps]rannmann) i wonder what this command does
(+[dps]rannmann) maybe it'll blow up my mirc
(+[dps]rannmann) playing: "The Infamous Double Dildo Janine!! (xxx dildo fist fuck sex porn ficken anal divx).mpg" .:1384kbps|Stereo|8:26:.
(+[dps]rannmann) FUCK
(+[dps]rannmann) NO
(+[dps]rannmann) THAT'S WHAT IT DOES
(+[dps]rannmann) ignore that!
Comment: Owned?
#48531
<Tym> i have a question to you older folks
<Tym> how do you fucking do it
<Tym> work so god damn much, how do people work 40 hours a week their whole damn lives
<Tym> i'm going insane and i've only been doing it for 3 weeks
<Suzuran> It's like this. Do you like to eat?
<Tym> yes
<Tym> i eat alot
<Suzuran> Then you'll work like the rest of us. It's really hard to eat without money.
Comment: Aniverse: #megatokyo
#1354
<Brentai> I have Q3, but I like playing it about as much as I like trying to suck my own wang.
<Brentai> i.e. it's painful and futile, but once and a while I try to do it just to prove that I can. And I can't.
#31941
(+ snakeyes) holy shit
(+ snakeyes) holy shit
(+ snakeyes) i have found my new vice
(+ snakeyes) inserting a syringe into my foreskin and pumping air into it
(% EyeReesh) omgf
(% EyeReesh) that is like scary dude
(+ snakeyes) why
(+ snakeyes) its so fun
(+ snakeyes) could be the first video i make with my digicam
(+ snakeyes) so far im up to 12 cc of air
(+ snakeyes) 22
<!- Later -!>
(+ snakeyes) i think im gonna try urethra air
(+ snakeyes) OH MY FUCK
(+ snakeyes) OW
(+ snakeyes) OH NO
(+ PsychoBud) lol
(+ snakeyes) HOW CAN YOU LAUGH
(+ PsychoBud) your dick explode, or your bladder?
(+ snakeyes) i dont know
(+ snakeyes) its just burning
(+ PsychoBud) probably your dick...can't get much air into something the size of
a tinkertoy
—› join: ( b4d_k4rm4)
—› mode: (ChanServ) sets (+v b4d_k4rm4)
(+ snakeyes) i will be the first to admit that i have a small penis
(+ snakeyes) ..
(+ snakeyes) hi b4d
(+ b4d_k4rm4) sup
#4376
<Petr> I was at work and I drove by a group of Amish people in an electric cart full of computer equipment. I've never been given such an evil eye by so many people at once before.
#5761
<Anton> I can see myself reinstalling windows
<A|exander> wow, are you having an out of body experience?
#307520
<%[ill]will> psyfail: I need you to do something for me.....I need you to kill a man you do not know, for reasons I can not explain, in exchange for an amount of money that cannot be discussed.
<+psyfail> [ill]will: can i rape the corpse?
<%[ill]will> you make that deicision when your cross that bridge
<+psyfail> do you need the corpse to be completely intact when it is found?
<%[ill]will> you make that decision when your cross that bridge
<+psyfail> do you mind if pictures of it eventually get to the internet, or if groups of people are allowed to do whatever they want to it for an hourly rate?
<%[ill]will> as long as you blur out the pubic region like the japanese do
<+psyfail> can i take the corpse to the bahamas and recreate the 1980s smash hit movie Weekend At Bernie's with an independent crew from Hollywood and a second crew in New York to shoot the background shots we'll need when we wrap in June?
<%[ill]will> the person has an ankle bracelet and cant leave the state
#41236
<Sock_Monkee> i used to read choose your own adventures all the time. then i realized how fucking dumb they were
<mog> Sock_Monkee: That's because you're not supposed to read the pages in order, you fucking idiot
#1248
<sara:#i386> - o we reserve the right to be assholes when we've had a bad day.
#7947
<fvdl> How can one fuck and wank and the same time?
<cjs> It's a secret the English have kept for centuries.
<mothra> tell fvdl: you're fucking her, but thinking of your hand.
<d@n> "oh, hand! i mean cindy!"
#53147
<Fool|NO-HTTP> so...do you think i can get in trouble for this scheme:
<Fool|NO-HTTP> i can cancel pick 3 and pick 4 tickets
<Fool|NO-HTTP> and if i sell a $2 ticket there is a chance to instantly win $10
<Fool|NO-HTTP> so i can buy a bunch, and cancel all the non instant winners
<Fool|NO-HTTP> and make $8 per
<s4f3_m0d3> say hello to federal prison for me
<Fool|NO-HTTP> not federal
<Fool|NO-HTTP> it is a state lottery
<s4f3_m0d3> so state prison then
<Fool|NO-HTTP> if i messed with multistate lottery i may get federal issues
<Fool|NO-HTTP> but i fail to see what is illegal about it
<Fool|NO-HTTP> they just left a HUGE loophole
<Fool|NO-HTTP> buying tickets: legal
<Fool|NO-HTTP> canceling tickets: legal
<Fool|NO-HTTP> afk, cops are here
<s4f3_m0d3> afk for the next five to ten?
#1630
(mc-face) don't you think a funny joke gift would be kleenex that smells like ass
#8226
(@T-56): anyone up for some drunken baseball fun next weekend?
(+de-v1): baseball?
(+de-v1): k before i just THOUGHT you were gay
(+de-v1): now i know for sure
(+de-v1): :P
(@T-56): steph: ok, scratch baseball, how about water polo
(+de-v1): you just want to be in a pool with 20 guys in speedos are trying to grab balls