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#298583
<echoplex> do you type by throwing chopsticks at a keyboard that is spinning or something?
#30241
<jimx> Two families move from Lebanon to America. When they arrive the two fathers make a bet - in a year's time whichever family has become more American will win.
<jimx> A year later they meet again:
<jimx> The first man says, "My son is playing baseball, I had McDonalds for breakfast and I'm on my way to pick up a case of Bud, how about you?"
<jimx> The second man replies, "Fuck you, towelhead."
<Fiery_isles> haha
<Tarrasque> hahaah
#311220
<thebananaking> I'm sick and my cat died :(
<thebananaking> kidney stone, blocked bladder, no symptoms until too late
<thebananaking> he was a terrible cat, had no idea how to cat
<thebananaking> but I'll miss the little fucker
<thebananaking> there was a communications stuffup at the vet, and I got a followup call the next day to see how he was doing
<thebananaking> I couldn't help myself and said "well, he's not doing much..."
<thebananaking> I don't think I've ever heard anyone blush before
#44920
<jvarner> heh. Tennis commentator at the olympics:
<jvarner> "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... oh my god, what have I just said?"
<nougatmachine> w00t
<jvarner> another fun one:
<jvarner> "Julian Dicks is everywhere - It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
<nougatmachine> haha
* nougatmachine loves this extremely highbrow humor
* jvarner gives nougatmachine a melvin.
#4314
<madwoota> rice rockets are for fags and shrivel dicks
<madwoota> 'hey baby, lets hump in the wrx..' 'sorry, cant even get my panties off in here'
#311619
<@Wilber> Activity on gimpissues: Shortcut Ovelapping <https://gitlab.gnome.org/GNOME/gimp/issues/2183>
<gitlab-bot> Wilber: Error: GNOME: Impossible to get infos for GNOME/gimp issue 2183: 404: 404 Not found
<@Wilber> gitlab-bot: Error: "Error:" is not a valid command.
<gitlab-bot> Wilber: Error: "Error:" is not a valid command.
<@Wilber> gitlab-bot: Error: "Error:" is not a valid command.
<gitlab-bot> Wilber: Error: "Error:" is not a valid command.
<@Wilber> gitlab-bot: Error: "Error:" is not a valid command.
<gitlab-bot> Wilber: Error: "Error:" is not a valid command.
<@Wilber> gitlab-bot: Error: "Error:" is not a valid command.
<gitlab-bot> Wilber: Error: "Error:" is not a valid command.
<@Wilber> gitlab-bot: Error: "Error:" is not a valid command.
<gitlab-bot> Wilber: Error: "Error:" is not a valid command.
<@Wilber> gitlab-bot: You've given me 5 invalid commands within the last minute; I'm now ignoring you for 10 minutes.
<gitlab-bot> Wilber: You've given me 5 invalid commands within the last 60 seconds; I'm now ignoring you for 10 minutes.
<ankh> haha
Comment: #gimp
#4585
<[ric]> personally I prefer a nice big vibro up the ass while typing two handed
<gaymale> your coworkers get suspicious if you type good one hand in front of them
<[ric]> yeh.. luckily I have the door wired up to the vibro, that way the motor cuts out as they enter the room
#3588
*** da-guvnor (~tonto@pc2-stoc4-0-cust224.mid.cable.ntl.com) Quit (If girls are made of sugar & spice......why do they taste of fish.)
#19958
<Kid_Vid2> I WOULD BUY NEVERWINTER NIGHTS BUT IF MY COMPUTER EVEN CATCHES SIGHT OF MORE THAN TWELVE POLYGONS IT STARTS WEEPING AND CAUSES AN ELECTRICAL SHORT WITH ITS TEARS
#4333
*jwzrd-* kicks Butters in the nuts
*Butters* watches as jwzrd- breaks his foot on his morning wood
#8745
<fraggle> when i typed lesbian i almost typed debian
#591
<gb> I'M BREAKING OUT THE DoS
<gb> THERE GOEZ ED
<gb> BYE BYE
<hypr> DONT DOS ME"
<hypr> FUCKERKGHJIJGEG
<blazemore> hypr: quick, go buy dsl!
#203730
<jasabella> $_ =~ tr/y/j/;
* parser (~HELL@91.186.243.253) Quit (ircd.arcti.ca efnet.teleglobe.net)
* Kraln (~quassel@38.100.42.251) Quit (ircd.arcti.ca efnet.teleglobe.net)
* laamaelai (hegis@xen.ihme.org) Quit (ircd.arcti.ca efnet.teleglobe.net)
* Yuyo (~suck@205.211.195.24) Quit (ircd.arcti.ca efnet.teleglobe.net)
<jasabella> did i do that?
<einride> no
* einride (~erin@83.233.196.14) Quit (Read error: Connection reset by peer)
<jasabella> wrong answer bitch
#298989
<AlexExtreme> is there any way to make other members of your team not take the powerups on UT single player? ><
<froggey> yes, enable friendly fire and shoot them
#30522
<BusyChild> i hate it when youre just flirting with a girl and you poke her on accident
#49724
<ihate_tuz> and where did you get this ridiculus idea that i hate you?
<_tuz> geee, i wonder.
#659
<imminent> clean keyboard
<imminent> yesss
<edible> you desemenized it?
<edible> let some cum hungry slut lick the shit out of your keyboard?
#22113
<@RickBitch> If you break up with a chick, and u see her and her new boyfriend together some time, go up to the boyfriend and say
<@RickBitch> "Just remember, everytime you kiss those lips, my dicks been there"
#310318
<danh> there is this insanely important insanely crazy suite of perl scripts here
<danh> this guy is here trying to figure out why it doesnt work
<danh> he has a value '7.0.3'
<danh> he keeps calling it a float
<danh> he keeps trying to multiply it
<danh> im looking him up in LDAP
<danh> he's been here for 5 years
<danh> now he's multiplying it by 1 to make it an integer
#39804
* plugged sets topic in #php to 'why do programmers confuse christmas and halloween? because oct 31 = dec 25'
Comment: Efnet #php
#310595
<@kmcdon> PenPen: what do you do as an it professional
<%PenPen> kmcdon: bitch about users on irc
#2211
<CiXeL> apparently a customer got pissed at us this morning and sent our sales secretary goatse.cx as an attachment
#308130
<Adorable> On a scale of Helen Keller to Osama Bin Laden, how good is my hiding spot?
#307929
Stoffleberg: U jbiw ;c
Stoffleberg: Pffft
Stoffleberg: Wow.
Bran: U jbiw
Stoffleberg: English how does it work.
Stoffleberg: I know*
Stoffleberg: My keyboard was a bit to the side.
Bran: ueaj that's what i guessed
#299916
< Stormscape> If you watch the movie Jaws in reverse it's about a shark who throws people up until they have to open a beach