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#241911
<mokeylace>: I like to do a breakdown of how much time I spend every day fucking off on certain activities, and how much this correspondingly costs my company
<mokeylace>: for instance, it just cost my employers $37 for me to trim my fingernails
<mokeylace>: earlier it cost them $75 for me to read some webcomics
<GL>: hahaha
<mokeylace>: I'm hoping that when I submit my findings they'll find it wise to hire someone to scratch my nuts for me in the next budget period
<mokeylace>: marc are you still looking for a job?
<JukeboxHero>: always am
<JukeboxHero>: wait what
<Eric_>: lol
<JukeboxHero>: That's not fair I wasn't paying attention FUCK YOU ERIC
#25373
(Amanda`) I think random orgasms would get old after a while
#2977
(siege) once a s'kiddie, always a s'kiddie
(PeeDeeCee) indeed
(siege) same with alcoholism
(PeeDeeCee) same with dalnet
(siege) hahaha
#5737
<Anton> mainly becauseone day I'll have a car and drive to every single girl who ever said I was cute
<Anton> so be warned and prepared
<angelic> will do.
<Anton> oh and by prepared I meant naked
#364
<Santa> anybody know what solaris calls its kernel?
<SfabN> Santa: look into the root dir and look for the biggest file, or look into /stand
<token> biggest file?
<token> "Huh, my kernel is called ``core''" :-)
#200370
Cynic: it looks like a flashlight but on the inside instead of batteries and a lightbulb, there's a synthetic vagina!
Elven: ...
Dexi: they also have anus and mouth
Dexi: not just va-
Dexi: i mean... i have no idea what types of orifices they offer!
#34828
<everest> hahahahaha
<everest> this gas station offered "unleaded, premium, chronic"
<everest> err
<everest> evidently none of what i just said is true.
* everest erases all of your memories
<SlackDug> wha .. what just happened?
<SlackDug> i feel like i blacked out
<everest> must have been an isolated and completely natural incident
* Swight takes away everest's "flashy thing"
<everest> this wouldn't be the first time i've gotten in trouble for flashing my thing
Comment: #geekissues
#26407
<kolby> dude...true story...Jacob was masturbating in our bathroom and the light doesn't work so instead of grabbing lotion, he lubed up his dick with ben-gay. I had to take him to the fucking hospital. It was like a movie.
<Wes> hahahah
<kolby> yea but hey, don't make fun of him, it's been a rough fuckin night
<Wes> Ah come on
<kolby> nah man, seriously
*** Jacob has joined #e/n
<kolby> HAHA! How's your red cock feel you fucking idiot?
#22389
<PaulZ108> no TACO BELL is better because they have pictures of Angelina Jolie on their cups
<ROUGE6> I can imagine paul rubbing his fingers up and down the cup as the smooth, wet, condensation drips off of agelina's body
#2482
<althea> i was fucked on tranquilizers
<althea> fucked up i mean
#3145
* FlipTopBox eats Dicks
<FlipTopBox> capitalization is very important sometimes
#305924
<@tacodog> was reading off recipes to my wife and she just made me a bloody mary xD
<@pyna> maybe youre accidentally husbanding as root
#60621
<Knightmare> Well that was obvious.
<Tuborg> ?
<Knightmare> Guy in a cubicle a couple feet away from me stands up and asks aloud if anyone has a Starcraft CD Key.
<Tuborg> Heh.
<Tuborg> I'm guessing he got a good talking to by your manager?
<Knightmare> The floor supervisor told him where to download a no-cd crack.
<Tuborg> Can I fax you my resume?
#9241
<@SwiftEdge> when i get my new comp I can play network games
<@SwiftEdge> but seeing as i have no friends i will have to run fast back and forth between the two
#50599
<Rev> I dunno, now I have an extra hour, kinda. I mean, it'll FEEL like I do.
<Rev> But only for today.
<Rev> So I have to use it wisely.
<Nick> porn.
<Rev> Right.
<Inferno> Agreed.
<Rev> An extra hour of porn.
Comment: Daylight savings time
#415
<gloone> thinking that noone is here since it's saturday
<gloone> so that i can kill him with a screwdriver.
<gloone> or a stapler
<gloone> that's what i have here.
#7039
<DocWebstr> *cough*BULLSHIT*cough*
<Lazarus> Doc, you really gotta quit inhaling all that bullshit; it's not good for you.
#4161
<xEh> I could use some help on my image post site
<JaseGuru> If you pay me I will
<xEh> i'm doing it for free so why can't you, some arrogant fellows here
<|Primus> lol. xEH your the one that wants a stranger to do stuff for you, for free
#72713
<InsomniA> Heh... My Prof in Theorem proving class threw out some kid...
<InsomniA> He was talking about his friends telling him to have sex with some chick.
<InsomniA> And the Prof's like "If I asked you to have sex with me, would you!?"
<InsomniA> At which point the kid starts screaming "REDUCTIO AD ABSURDUM!!!"
#14572
<hewbert> goths have been progressivly wearing less clothing as the years have gone by
<hewbert> how shamless!
<hewbert> they should be progressivly wearing more and MORE clothing
<hewbert> until they are bundled up with 200 pound parkas
<Unfy> they would have names like goth_eskimo_69
<hewbert> you could save on facepaint by using snow
#57641
<NiteHawk> My mom just caught me masturbating.. Dammit...
<Mikkel> Ah well, everyone does it man. Shit happens
<NiteHawk> Yeah but while I was about to blow the dog ran in, I was trying to push the dog out of the room when my mom walked in.
<NiteHawk> Lets just say its not a good site one hand on the dog, the other holding a kleenix full of jizz, and my pants half down.
<NiteHawk> The look on her face dood, she was mortified.
<Mikkel> >.<
#12271
<Colrblind> Dev: it could be worse.. you could have a mullet and actually think its cool
#19871
<Swamp> neep is the superior race
<Neep|workable> a race of one
<Neep|workable> until I breed
<Neep|workable> MWHAAHHAA
<[werk]chin> thank god thats unlikely
<Swamp> hahahaha
<[werk]chin> natures own built in failsafe
#7539
< ryll > "putting the 'fun' back into fundamentalism, and the 'laughter' back into sectarian slaughter"
#15444
<Mug> ncencence
<Deke> i think you mean unceunceunceunce
<Deke> if you're going to be an unce'ing wanker, at least do it right
<Hiroechan> unce?
<Hiroechan> unf?
<Hiroechan> you aussies have got all sorts of weird noise sounds
<^WaR^Zzz> wtf is unce :)
<Deke> unce is the noise a wog's car makes as it drives past
<Deke> the techno bass beat
<Deke> "unceunceunceunce"
<Deke> nothing like unf
<Hiroechan> heh
<Hiroechan> i was going to suggest: Universal Noise of Cock Eating
<Deke> lmao