Random | Latest | Best | Full Site
#2778
<schwack> if there's one thing i hate its everything
#8291
<darkness> anyone heard about the new startrek movie yet?
<freddy66> YAH INCHERECTION IS SUPPOSTED TO BE GOOD I SAW IT LAST WEEK AND ENJOYED IT
<darkness> ...did he just say what I think he said?
<questie> I believe he just admitted to being russian, but I'm not quite sure...
#18312
<jp__> will somebody PLEASE HELP ME GET GNOME INSTALLED?!?!
<KDEGAWD> is it black and white gnome
<KDEGAWD> or color gnome
<jp__> i should have KNOWN YOU GUYS WOULD GIVE ME THE RUN AROUND
<jp__> every single time i call tech support or get on here.... same thing
#1331
<felix> that raid card is gonna saturate that machine
<felix> that's like giving a chihuahua a fire hydrant enema.
#32629
<bleak> oh god
<bleak> my girlfriend has either the worst or ebst timing ever
<somniloquy> just caught you whacking off?
<somniloquy> and offered to lend a hand?
<bleak> somniloquy: well, no, I was, and she called me JUST as I finished.
#45946
<sharpi> i got attacked by a group of seagulls on the ferry home today :(
<Bill> ha what happened
<sharpi> i was out on the deck and i noticed these kids were feeding french fries to the seagulls and thought that i'd give it a try
<sharpi> so i go buy some fries and i go out and start feeding them
<sharpi> having a good time until the seagulls that didn't get any got mad or something and started trying to swoop in for my fries so i cover them up and the next thing i know i'm getting shit on by them
<sharpi> it's hard to explain to your wife just how you could manage to come home covered in shit
#23733
<Peeps> You and me baby, we're like 13 and 37...
<Peeps> Together we're 1337!
#8830
<pr0k> I could do it when I was like 15, however, the pleasurable sensation of having a mouth on my penis was completely cancalled out by the sensation of having a penis in my mouth.
#33286
<monkeydog> do burn victims get a discount when they go to get cremated?
#7586
<_Pete_> my abs have never looked so good in my life after losing these 10 pounds fast :D soon they'll turn to flab through lack of use though :(
<Avium> Pete you sound kind of gay
<Avium> no offense you sack of shit
#296944
(FormerlyHumane) then answer me this: why is the acid in Alien so much stronger than Aliens?
(Squint) Dilution
(FormerlyHumane) also the size of the planet changes
(Squint) With more aliens, the acid had to be watered down to fill all of their bodies.
(FormerlyHumane) makes sense
(Squint) But in the first movie, there was only the one, so the acid was more concentrated.
(FormerlyHumane) but how did the planet get bigger?
(Squint) Zoom, man. Zoom.
(FormerlyHumane) I don't know if I buy that
(Squint) You know how when you look through binoculars, small things look bigger?
(FormerlyHumane) I guess so
(Squint) Boom.
(Squint) I'm going to bed.
#3275
<cynica_l> i hate babies
<Gollum`> i hate people
<cynica_l> i hate you
<profett> i have 3 guns
<profett> we can solve some problems
#61230
scanty@SPARC: wtf am i bleeding for, i totally did not cut myself todayt
mmadia: scanty@SPARC , i'm surprised your parents never told you this ....
#1078
(idea) i just spent 10 mins troubleshooting my cdr because it said that my blank cd "was not ready
(idea) turns out i accidently put in one of those clear cd things at the bottom of the cake box
#5853
<Spooooky> Ever notice how straight guys, when making a "Hell, I'd fuck him" joke always say they'll do the fucking?
<Spooooky> They don't say "I'd take a shot in the eye from him"
<Spooooky> Like it's LESS gay to be the pitcher than the catcher
#7453
<Kefka_> Rap is for people who need to be influenced by a culture of uneducated fools who have primary goals of "ballin" and becoming fly by having a dope ride.
#305147
<MurderMachine> So.
<MurderMachine> My rectal went something like this:
<MurderMachine> "Tell me when it feels uncomfortable"
<MurderMachine> "Dr Donaldson I'm lying on a bed pointing my ass at a relative stranger. It's already less comfortable than I'd like."
#50174
<Raynor> yo yo yo hows cornell
<Jolteon> cool, im actually not months behind in school work like last year
<Zoinky> that's because it hasn't been months since you started
#70206
<Luuseens> i drank some espresso today.. the conversation went something like this -
<Luuseens> seller.echo ("Would you want me to add some water to your espresso?":
<Luuseens> me.echo ("No, ");
<Luuseens> //me.echo ("you dont add water to my espresso, ignorant bitch, cause then it becomes plain coffe.");
<Luuseens> me.echo ("thank you. :) ");
#22314
(splinter) stupid vending machine...
(splinter) my first chocolate got stuck, so i figured i'd buy a second one so it would push it out
(splinter) only the second got stuck too
(@Lethy) "owned!"
(splinter) third time lucky and now i have 3 blocks of chocolate >:(
#190804
<Chaos> I'm filing a complaint against you on xbl
<Yukupo> ;___;?
<Chaos> for tampering
<Yukupo> with what?!
<Chaos> my heart!
* Yukupo walks away
#50343
<polpotpie> Guy came into the photo store today to pick up a roll we had developed.
<polpotpie> He goes, “I have no idea what’s on this roll.”
<polpotpie> I said with a smile, “Sir, sometimes those can be the best ones!”
<polpotpie> He replies, “My son was killed in a car crash 2 weeks ago and this roll was in his car.”
<polpotpie> C’est la vie.
#55916
<r4v5> price: US $6.99
<r4v5> Shipping: US $7.99 -- US Postal Service Priority Mail®
<r4v5> At your local Skate Shop these bearings run for more than $15!
<r4v5> HOLY SHIT THEY DO ON EBAY TOO, YOU DUMBSHIT
#34188
<BalefireX> how goes the porn site Peppe316[0]?
<Peppe316[0]> I'm getting my clientel up first
<error> does your mom know yet?
<Peppe316[0]> no
<Peppe316[0]> I haven't talked to her for 10 weeks
<Peppe316[0]> it's nice
<Peppe316[0]> this freedom shit is the fun
<error> was it because she found out you drank and you didn't love the lord?
<Peppe316[0]> possibly
<Peppe316[0]> :(
<Peppe316[0]> er
<Peppe316[0]> :)
Comment: #gideontech
#5274
<Gnuspice> shit, you know you've been doing too much SQL when you're at a prompt and do SELECT * FROM /bin;