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#309410
<kentari> There's a huge disaster.
<kentari> The bodies are being piled up.
<kentari> How do they identify yours among the corpses?
<kentari> That's how I ask people to describe themselves on dates.
<Caltak> o_o
<kentari> it unsettles people and gives me two things: reactions, and time
<Caltak> Like, when you're already physically there with them and can see them?
<kentari> that way while they answer, I ignore them
<kentari> and I plan my next move :P
#46077
Consumed: what would be a very very uncommon way to autorun an app at startup?
Null: Get the user to do it. ;)
Comment: #C++ on Dynastynet
#295087
%rok3n> explain the 90s in one sentence.
@solaroperator> dildo: not just for women anymore
#308363
<@lysol> do you guys know about the len() function
<@pyna> yeah but i call it lennie() cause we tight
#311097
<photo> i poured my root beer into a square cup and now all i have is beer. please advise.
#5900
<madvirii> you gotta wake up with a certain "attitude" to face the day and lick some asshole
<CoMBo> yeah or grow up eating some really shitty cooking to acquire a taste for anus
<madvirii> yes anus would be an acquired taste
<madvirii> not something you instinctively put to your mouth
#6501
<chin|werk> its not video games fault that its a lot of fun to kill people
#32198
RyanIsL33T: HAHAAH
RyanIsL33T: HALF TIME SHOW
RyanIsL33T: JANET JACKSONS BOOB FELL OUT
SpAz0Licious: WHAT
SpAz0Licious: BULLSHIT
SpAz0Licious: WHEN
RyanIsL33T: AT THE END OF THE SHOW
SpAz0Licious: DID YOU GET A PIC?
RyanIsL33T: NO
SpAz0Licious: DAMNIT
SpAz0Licious: its gonna be all over the net in like 10 minutes anyway
RyanIsL33T: yeah
10 minutes later:
SpAz0Licious: http://66.98.142.98/~volume/janet/JANETSBOOB.jpg
SpAz0Licious: HAHAHA
SpAz0Licious: I TOLD YOU 10 MINUTES
RyanIsL33T: ROFL
#33217
<Fenris> My mom found me perusing bash.org and looking up quotes about incest, and was like OMG!
<Fenris> Now she actually goes there regularly to make sure there aren't any new text words that have been searched for
<Fenris> I saw her looking at the site yesterday, and was like, "WTF??"
<Fenris> And she said she was just checking to see what kind of stuff I look at online.
<Fenris> I swear, someday I'm just going to rape that bitch.
<ctone> ...
<ctone> now theres a quote for bash.org
<Fenris> Don't you fucking dare.
#28559
<slipvayne> my bro came home while i was wanking
<slipvayne> ah shit
<slipvayne> he brought some friends
<slipvayne> oh god
<slipvayne> i was watching a porno as well
<slipvayne> fuck i hope he didnt see
<slipvayne> OH FUCK
<slipvayne> oh man
<slipvayne> he better not tell my parents
<slipvayne> thats the last time i wear headphones while watching porn
<slipvayne> fuck im off for a shower
#51643
<ryan`> god i fucking rule
<ryan`> my brother stole money from me
<ryan`> so i mixed elmers glue with a bit of water
<ryan`> then i spread some over my sisters little hand puppets
<ryan`> and threw it half way under his bed
<ryan`> now hes grounded all next week for "jacking off with her hand puppets"
#24337
<DarkForceRising> cmon pmab i need ur best anecdotes n jokes
<pmab> knock knock
<DarkForceRising> whos there
<DarkForceRising> whos there pmab u fgt
<DarkForceRising> !pmab
<DarkForceRising> pmab
<DarkForceRising> oi pmab
<DarkForceRising> whos there
<pmab> whos where?
* DarkForceRising is now known as dfr^ihatepmab
#32200
[ tw1tch ] god my gf has a nice ass
[ @ThUg_WiGGa ] pic plz
[ tw1tch ] screw you :P its for my ass only
[ @ThUg_WiGGa ] eyes*
[ tw1tch ] yeah
[ tw1tch ] see, I have a one track ass
[ tw1tch ] mind* damnit!
Comment: #d2jsp
#49353
(hydro|): man
(hydro|): sara , my buddy's wife, the people i'm staying with
(hydro|): is playing my keyboard
(hydro|): and she's being FUCKING
(hydro|): ANNOYING
(hydro|): she's sitting right next to me on the floor
(hydro|): i want to punch her
(GerbilNut): kick her instead
(GerbilNut): that can be played off as an accident
(timmo): hydro
(timmo): heres what you do
(timmo): ive found it to be the best piece of advise for people who dont know how to play
(timmo): whenever they start playing their instrument
(timmo): or what have you
(timmo): find yourself an annoying instrument
(timmo): like an accordian
(timmo): and be like
(timmo): OH SHIT LETS JAM
(hydro|): haha
(timmo): and start making horrible noises
(hydro|): yeah that totally works
(eltopo): hahaha
(timmo): soon theyll stop
#8487
<cactoid> pr0n is critical internet infrastructure
<cactoid> if pron wasn't flowing freely, ISPs wouldn't need to upgrade their gear and networking vendors would go out of business
#1805
(treaz0n4) msn sent me a 4 page report on how to report spammers
#2107
<SPD-DMN> yo theres a fucking swat team on the road accross from me
<SPD-DMN> im going to check it out
<RockShox> SPD-DMN will be back in 10 to 20
#31568
<Moushi> My friend is over
<Moushi> And he's ion thye bathroom right now
<Moushi> And he's been in there for a loing time
<Moushi> And I can hear... sounds
<Moushi> What do I do
<BHedL> jump in there with no clothes on but womens undergarments and a scary rubber mask
<Moushi> But he would ejaculate in terror all over me!
<BHedL> well, then you start a fetish porn site
<Moushi> His dad's a lawyer
<Moushi> He would sue me
<BHedL> nah, with the immense amount of money you´ll be making off of your ¨crossdresser rubber mask bukkakae¨, you could just hire him as your own lawyer
<Moushi> hahaha
<Moushi> Yeah, but then he wouldn
<Moushi> 't be my friend
<BHedL> how do you know that he isnt there masturbating to the very mental image of you in womens undergaments with a big scary rubber mask on?
<Moushi> How about I just run in, scream in hiorror, and kick him in the balls?
<BHedL> theres no money in that
<Moushi> You make a compelling argument.
#154662
<tgies> my mom stopped saying that we should shoot all illegal immigrants because she saw a video on the news of a guy jumping a fence and then making the signum crucis
<tgies> that's pretty fucking funny
<tgies> they all deserve to die until such time as we have conclusive mom-reviewed evidence that some of them are catholic
Comment: #animutation on wgiowrb.dyndns.org:6660
#310218
<+kmc> my girlfriend served as an adult control subject for some behavioral research on children
<+kmc> she did live on psych studies for a year yeah
<Jafet> Is there a control protocol where you don't use people who live off being sociology test subjects
#137188
< Vertelemming> Either your keyboard is broken, you're drunk, or you're drunk and your keyboard is broken.
< loft306> nuether
#25054
<drunkers> some thief tried to break into my apt :(, so i swung an xbox controller at him and he took off
#67334
<@oBs> LOL
<@oBs> This is an Apple delivery number. Your goods have not yet shipped from our warehouse and have not yet been passed on to our logistics carrier, therefore your reference number has not yet been passed on to our carriers, as a result I am unable to give you your logistics carrier reference number yet as it has not yet been created.
<@oBs> I will check on your order later today to see if your logistics number has been created and e-mail you the latest status. It is still too early at the moment to provide you with this information.
<@oBs> i have the computer at my house
<@oBs> right now
#307520
<%[ill]will> psyfail: I need you to do something for me.....I need you to kill a man you do not know, for reasons I can not explain, in exchange for an amount of money that cannot be discussed.
<+psyfail> [ill]will: can i rape the corpse?
<%[ill]will> you make that deicision when your cross that bridge
<+psyfail> do you need the corpse to be completely intact when it is found?
<%[ill]will> you make that decision when your cross that bridge
<+psyfail> do you mind if pictures of it eventually get to the internet, or if groups of people are allowed to do whatever they want to it for an hourly rate?
<%[ill]will> as long as you blur out the pubic region like the japanese do
<+psyfail> can i take the corpse to the bahamas and recreate the 1980s smash hit movie Weekend At Bernie's with an independent crew from Hollywood and a second crew in New York to shoot the background shots we'll need when we wrap in June?
<%[ill]will> the person has an ankle bracelet and cant leave the state
#11122
<Super_User_2> the very first time I practiced driving I scared the shit
out of my dad. It was a manual transmission truck. I had it in first and
tired to shift, but the timing on the clutch was fucked up and it just
spun, but the pedal was lighter then I thought and I floored it. The
truck sounded like it was doing 90 and my nervous laugh sounded maniacal.
He just screamed "NOOOOOOOOOO!" as we moved about 1/2 mile an hour...
he drove home.