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#11696
<Temujin> Will Ferral is cool.
<SpecOps> Ferrel, dumass.
<horsefly> dumbass, dumbass
#56337
<Mal> I may have made a fatal error in my personal development.
<Wad_Shooter> What'dya mean?
<Mal> OK, so a couple of years ago I graduate, get ready to go to university.
<Mal> And I'm a nice guy and everything, but I'm a bit quiet. Shy, you know?
<Wad_Shooter> Yeah...
<Mal> So I decide to become more of a quick speaker. The kind of guy who's got a good one-liner for any situation. Pretty easy stuff - I started by using a few characters from books, sort of borrowing their mannerisms, and it eventually stuck. I started becoming more talkative, and more outwardly funny.
<Mal> Basically I was just coming out and saying the shit that was going through my head anyway.
<Mal> Problem was, at around the same time I started reading these fucking quote sites - Bash, QDB, you know.
<Wad_Shooter> OK...
<Mal> So I'm still coming out with funny stuff that's going through my head - but now it's like 99% 'your mum' jokes.
<Wad_Shooter> LOL, smooth
<Mal> Shut up, your mum takes it in the arse.
#17469
HolyViper7: im confused as to how i'm still allowed to breathe the same oxygen as other human beings. i just bought some tic tacs, and most of em are gone... and you know how some tic tacs get like, stuck? well, see, i didnt wanna make too much noise so i put the tic tac container in my lap and i hit the container. it was then i realized i had testicles. it was quite painful
#5937
<hypr> i rolled once when i saw oakenfold a year ago he played really gay house and 5 trance songs at the end and my e dident even work
<matts> your e didn't work? did you read the manual
#44470
* sexylady69 has joined #phishtank
* sexylady69 is now known as craig`
<craig`> ahem.
#16758
{Plag} i liked women at 13
{Plag} even 11
{Pest} i liked woman since third grade
{Beat-Boy} ive liked men since i saw your sister
#1800
<Matt-H> Leeches cure everything.
<JDigital> What about an allergy to leeches?
<Fry> What about loss of blood ?
<Matt-H> 'cept that, you witty bastard, you.
<JDigital> Or a fear of leeches.
<JDigital> Or lag.
#110375
[thom] I'm going to order one of those MIND erasing kits...
[xexyz] a bong, thom?
#297590
<@tom> Flava Flav, a reality television star, stopped by to see Michael Jackson's family at their compound in Encino about 4 p.m. today but left shortly afterward.
<@markbach> they needed him to determine the time of death
#40308
<@Tik-Tok> I pay for one service that allows me to steal just about every other service I require.... the internet
Comment: Regarding paying for iTunes
#4583
<Spesh> It takes skill to climb the corporate ladder on your knees.
#1905
<Fustard> oh good god
<Fustard> i was just thinking of something to myself
<Fustard> and out loud i said
<Fustard> 'laugh out loud'
<Fustard> instead of actually laughing.
#5523
<Opcode> i was gonna call 911...but i was downloading a file
#6491
<SwampFox> "I'm sleeping with several local teens. Find out if your child is one of them at 11."
#10445
<Lokonopa> you know what would be the funniest thing to see? when those spelling bee contests come on tv, and the announcer gives a kid a really hard word to spell...and at that exact moment a guy in the back screams "HOLY FUCK!"
#301941
<ShadeS> r4v5: know much about turntables?
<r4v5> not *much*
<r4v5> i put an album on it and then move the arm over?
<r4v5> and jazz comes out?
<r4v5> but yeah, the main things i know are things like "if you take a 12" trance single and play it back at 33, it becomes a chillout single of longer length"
<myself248> bwaahahaha
<r4v5> you're laughing but it was pretty fucking amazing. Friend has crates full of techno; I was like "can I spin some?"
<r4v5> First one I grabbed was full of obnoxious high squeaks. switched to 33 and it was fat acid sounds.
#875
<Dr_DOS> a typhoon smashed into hong kong
<Dr_DOS> wiping out 1.5% of their pirated goods
<Dr_DOS> a total profit of $300,000 for US companies alone
#6127
<Fryboy> can't hardly wait, party of 5 etc
<ambr> i thought you were taking about serial cable compression there... parity of 5
#40712
[GTF] I don't know what's worse; that I dreamed about putting my ex-girlfriend in a woodchipper, or that I woke up with an erection.
#15943
<SamGod> crap, not only does my everything hurt, I can't breath fresh air 'cuz all I smell is gasoline
<Coda> why do you smell gasoline SamGod?
<SamGod> Coda: 'cuz I smell like gasoline
<Coda> why?
<SamGod> Coda: I kinda happened to shove an exaust pipe in my sleve for warmth for a few hours last night
<Twist-> See? he is a psycho.
<SamGod> well, actually, I switched off between one sleve, then the other, then my pant leg, then the other, etc...
<Twist-> didn't occur to you to get inside the car?
#106854
<Hanazawa> so it's my mom's birthday on the 26th, and I want to see a band called The Birthday Massacre on the 27th, so my schedule looks like "mom's birthday / birthday massacre?"
<Cecil_Harvey> :I
<Hanazawa> and this amuses me
#303759
< ADINSX> where are you from thereyougo?
< thereyougo> finland
< thereyougo> when in 3rd grade we started english teacher asked what we can say in english
< thereyougo> it was all like "autobots, roll"
Comment: #cobol
#28517
<Vamp_Boy> Arguing with the ops is like shaking your fist at God. There's nobody there; and if there is, he's not listening. And if he's listening, all you're doing is pissing him off.
#792
(maffewz) little women is on, i'm sure every lesbian with a tivo is filling up hard drive space
#32027
DesertRemix: if i could fucking spell itd be a damn mircale
DesertRemix: ciracle
DesertRemix: ...
DesertRemix: +corrections