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#76066
<Smokey> Me and this bitch are playing phone tag
<Smokey> Her mom answered
<Smokey> and she was like "Your going to have to call back, adam, Ive got to use the phone"
<Smokey> Then she didnt hang up, and started dialing numbers
<Smokey> Then stopped
<Smokey> and I was like, in a deeper voice "Hello"
<Smokey> And she was like "Hey, baby"
<Smokey> Then I just started laughing
<Smokey> And she was like Goddamnit
#48613
<xcham> I got spam for penis enlargement pills today
<xcham> the sender name was "Freud"
<xcham> "... this is very interesting. perhaps my mother sent it to me"
Comment: #adium @ freenode
#7849
<FadeJade> On the news tonight "SHOULD AIRLINE PASSENGERS BE MADE TO BUY TWO TICKETS JUST BECAUSE THEY'RE OVERWEIGHT?!"
<FadeJade> Fuck yeah
<Phuser> hell yes
<FadeJade> Business, Economy or Fatty?
<FadeJade> I'll fly Fatty today, thanks
#63631
<chief> What other city does uk have apart from england
#6883
(Pills) "You've got a low IQ" (new signon to AOL sound)
#1591
<ufodude> im trying to find a good place to get linux. i tried www.astakavista.com and i just got lost there with all these files and shit
#57392
<LabMonkey> for that matter, the unhappiness of *any* animal is never cute
<sektie> except java coders.
<LabMonkey> While members of the animal kingdom, insects do not qualify as “animals” in my book.
Comment: #bifemunix
#9985
<HankMcCoy> I am so fucking h0nry today, I don't know what's wrong with me. It's like someone is licking the crotch of my voodoo doll.
#311421
<CaptainJistuce> I am still waging a linguistic battle against that use of the term fixed. Surely an animal works as intended before the procedure, which renders a major subsystem inoperational. They are broken afterwards.
#300611
<Robohunk> A friend of mine took an exam in his French class while on acid once. When friends asked him about it later, he said, "I think I did pretty well. I wrote this great story about a thunderstorm."
<Robohunk>
<Robohunk> The professor called him into his office soon afterwards and showed him the test. It was a piece of paper covered with the words "Noir noir noir, noir BLANC!!! noir noir noir noir noir, noir noir noir BLANC!!!" over and over.
#12407
<Ixnorp[Regenerating]> I think I've found an excellent unit of size measurement. It's the 'I could kill you and hide your body in it' unit. People usually become very quiet after you say, "yea, I could kill you and 3 other people and hide the bodies in this"
#10071
<Zero> I had a totally hot chemistry teacher once. She used to always say "Uh huh." and show her ass. Win XP is like that.
#56852
Ducky: So here I am, on Google earth, spying on my ex, when she calls.
Ducky: and I’m all freaking out, because I’m thinking that she knows I’m spying on her.
Leila: Dude, you know that Google earth isn’t live right?
Ducky: Shit. Now she thinks I’m stupid and an asshole!
Leila: You TOLD her that you were spying on her?
Ducky: Um… yeah.
Leila: wow, you are stupid.
#34071
<opivy10> i used to be a lesbian till i got my sex change
*** Dianora sets mode: +m
#61958
< shad0w1e> hmm sleepydog, you said that reiserfs would only be faster in some "extreme" situations
< shad0w1e> would you consider KDE booting up to be an extreme situation?
#16737
<Joelz> How good is it, when you've badly gotta take a leak....but you can't be stuffed getting up, but there is an empty coke bottle next to you and....nevermind.
<Bigchris> what happens if you have to chuck a shit?
<Joelz> That's what shoes are for.
#305954
DrZoidberg: i have more beef hanging around in my colon than three Weinerschnitzels have in their combined freezers.
EvilBunnyFuFu: thankfully, Dr Zoidberg has no clue what a colon is..
Russ: Colon, not to be confused with a semi-colon.
DrZoidberg: semi-colon is half-assed
#248521
<Ricks937> I have a totally awesome hat :)
<Chroder> is it one of those gay artsy hats
<Chroder> like the one the walrus in mythbusters always wears
#9532
<Sir Mordred> I was a real bad mo'fo in high school
<lancelot> do you play chess Mordred?
<Sir Mordred> Yeah I used to play a few times a week
#59146
<madman> Perhaps I'm a bit racist.
<madman> This Mexican guy called saying he was interested in the car I was selling, so I give him the directions to my house.
<madman> I see him pull up in his truck, and so I go outside to greet him, guess what I say?
<madman> "Hey Pedro!"
<madman> I'm about to apologize when he says, "How'd you know my name? I didn't even tell you!"
<madman> Talk about lucky.
#30135
*** Cushla (cushla@Cushla.users.undernet.org) Quit (Quit: Trent Reznor is GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
<Cpt_Giz> hmmm
<Cpt_Giz> she spelt my name wrong again
#44924
<CAPS-LOCK> ARRGH
<CAPS-LOCK> As I unplugged a 4.3Gb SCSI HD, three of the power connector pins broke
<CAPS-LOCK> Equipped with only a 45-watt glass iron with a flat tip and a 3/4 used spool of silver-bearing solder I set out to reattach them
<CAPS-LOCK> After 45 minutes of burning my fingers trying to avoid knocking the damn things over with my gigantic iron, I finally managed to get them all fixed
<CAPS-LOCK> I gleefully went upstairs and attempted to reinstall the HD in its new home.
<CAPS-LOCK> but as I plugged in the power connector...
<CAPS-LOCK> ALL FOUR PINS BROKE!!!!
<CAPS-LOCK> My belly is so full of hate right now...
<overridex> CAPS-LOCK: hmm.... that's kind of like killing a weed in your lawn with a bazooka while leaving everything else in tact ;)
Comment: Woops, trimmed too much off that last one.
#2381
<Spyre-> the beers just sit there, silently staring, and mocking the mistakes my animal mind makes sometimes
#19462
<Hiko_Sejuro> Once again people if any of you are Overweight Please dont get offended from my hatred towards fatties
< Hiko_Sejuro> I ONLY HATE THE ONES WHO CANT WALK
#19458
<[RP]nanoTech> the study of physics will always be safer than biology, for while the hazards of physics drop off as 1/r^2, biological ones grow exponentially.