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#14357
<Farnarcle> why are you helping her to knock you?
<GruMM[GruMM[Away[GruMM]]]> coz if it is going to be done, it should be done right'
#33987
<homerj> there were a lot of black people when we saw bad boys 2
<homerj> I remember when I was like 7 my mom talked about the colored lady down the street
<homerj> I kept looking for some chick that was like all colors of the rainbow
#13148
[aphr0] do hospitals let you keep the umbilical cord?
[aphr0] I'ma have my kid's cord made into a die
[aphr0] tie
[aphr0] or freeze it and tan it and make it into a cane
[aphr0] give it to my kid when he learns to walk so he can walk around and pimp bitches with his umbilical cord
#114281
<mario> wtf
<mario> you know your office is portal crazy when:
<mario> the cake in the kitchen has a sign saying "The cake lies" and sings "Still Alive" when you open the box
<mario> someone talked the contractor into making a few of the doors oval-shaped "portals" instead
<mario> complete with painted orange/blue patterns on each corresponding side
<mario> your file server is swinging from the ceiling aptly named "GLaDOS"
<mario> the new company motto is "There's a hole in the sky through which things may fly"
<mario> and there's a bunch of weighted ikea boxes with hearts on them scattered about
<mario> guess the VP doesn't expect we'll have any clients anytime soon :|
#4226
<Hendrix> Romance is flowers, Perversion is sticking the flowers up her ass
#1026
(TheGamer) people are so broke here [THE UNITED KINGDOM] - because many brits are unskilled, as you can leave school with a standing at 16. Many people live in housing equivalent to Manitoba Housing (gov't assisted housing)
(TheGamer) however.. you as a Canadian would not be entitled to any benefits.. except free birth control pills
(tiko) I'd get free birth control pills?!?!
(tiko) DAMMIT!
(tiko) SOLD!
#311282
<AndyWojo> If I were coming up with a package manager, I'd name it just
<AndyWojo> 'just install tmux'
<AndyWojo> and instead of a -f for forcing dependencies: 'just fucking install tmux'
#162518
<Raws> that was epic
<Raws> so I called western union, right
<Raws> and I get this texan lady on the phone with a long drawl
<Raws> shes all like "you are aware that this is probably a fraud you stupid effing moron" and I just say
<Raws> "don't worry ma'am"
<Raws> "I'm from the internet"
<Raws> it just came out of my mouth
<sboob> LMFAO
<Raws> she just said "ok"
#7220
*** DarkElf changes topic to "Sundancer Kicked Hiro's butt at Pool!! :) that's Mr 'I have my own table at home' Gay Helicopter Pilot Hiro (in case you were wondering)"
<Hiro> *growl*
*** Hiro changes topic to "I lost ONE FUCKING GAME to her ok?"
*** DarkElf changes topic to "yes, but to a WOMAN ?"
<Hiro> she isnt a women
<Hiro> she is a beast from the pits of hell
<Hiro> a demon possessed her
<DarkElf> see - reading that bible thing may have helped you... and you laughed at the people in #alive
*** DarkElf changes topic to "Hiro converts to christianity"
<Hiro> de: even jesus would have lost that fucking game of pool
<Hiro> I need a gun, so I can shoot myself
<DarkElf> Hiro: why don't you just stab yoursefl in the eye with the pool cue.....
<DarkElf> hang on though, going on sunny's description of you skill you'll probably miss *grin
#38342
<n3ur0tich> he called me at 2 in the morning. i thought he was calling to see if i was okay. how strangly considerate, i thought. how nice.
<n3ur0tich> he called to ask if i stole his cheese. five pounds of cheese. yes, i sighed, i stole five pounds of cheese from your apartment. right. because i really needed five fucking pounds of cheese. oh, and i'm fine, thanks.
<n3ur0tich> he called again at 3.
<n3ur0tich> "are you sure you didn't take the cheese?"
#43885
<Ravenclaw> i want to sew "bad mother fucker" onto my wallet somehow
<Meo`> you should probably have someone else sew it
<Meo`> bad motherfuckers dont sew
#6393
<NyseriA> i just read a book i got for xmas
<NyseriA> its about a sea harrier pilot shot down in bosnia
<NyseriA> he is collected by a troops of SAS FACs
<NyseriA> and, let me recall, when they have to pull out he says...
<NyseriA> He smacks his SA80 down on the tabke
<NyseriA> and shouts
<Sureshot^> 'who fucking TKed me last round?'
#33693
(bcuz) nascar changes thier rules, and now its on the news
(bcuz) this country blows :(
(Frankinator) o, what they change?
(Eruntje) they will now only do right turns
#103975
<Vossk> ._.
<Macrona> What?
<Vossk> I was just sitting here fapping, and I looked to my right and the window was open.
<Macrona> Someone couldve seen you, lol.
<Vossk> Theres like a 10 year old GIRL FUCKING STANDING THERE WATCHING.
<Macrona> pwned
#8311
* Anderlan raises a cheek off the chair
<Anderlan> farting is offensive, but raising a cheek in preparation is even more so
<gears> it's a good way to show people "I am not interested in what you have to say. Leave my cubicle at your soonest convenience."
#17340
<reston> make jizz ice cubes
<reston> thats a fun party prank
<stu> you realize that's cryogenics
<reston> yeah but imagine when a chick puts one in her drink
<stu> what if she puts it up her twat
<reston> the sperm will be dead
<stu> she could get pregnant from an icecube
<stu> no it wouldn't
<reston> yea it would
<stu> uh.
<stu> how do you think IVF works?
<reston> theyre organisms
<reston> theyd die
<reston> i dunno
<reston> you know too much about sperm
<stu> well, i have a lot.
#122104
Far2Paranoid: Knew this guy in HS
Far2Paranoid: Built a box with 2x 350Mhz Pentium2, back in '98
Far2Paranoid: The trick was, filled his bathtub w/ glycerin
Far2Paranoid: Took apart a mini-fridge and used the coils to cool the glycerin to ~40F
Far2Paranoid: Then sunk the box so he could OC the CPUs to 1.3Ghz
Far2Paranoid: Coolest shit I've ever seen.
AlbinoChpmnk: If this was sitting in his tub, how did he shower?
Far2Paranoid: After what I just said, what makes you think he showered?
#12304
<@Breathe> Server announcement: >>Attention please: We are about to reset the Linuxguy server to upgrade the chat softweare. This will cause you to disconnect. You should be able to reconnect right away. If you have any problems, please let us know in #magicstar.. We will reset linuxguy in 2 minutes.<<
<@Breathe> I love it. "If you can't reconnect, come into a channel and let us know!"
#10508
<Xaotika> well its kinda hard to play with a ping over 200
<Acheron> whine, whine, whine... ;)
<Xaotika> actually i can manage 250 or 300
<cj_> you don't complain about your ping when you are winning :)
<Xaotika> thats because my ping is not over 300 when i am winning. DUH.
#21391
<Waffles111> does "nihon ni sukimashita" bean "I have arrived in Japan"?
<Waffles111> oh, nevermind
<Waffles111> it was "tsukimashita"
<Cap`nRatboy> it means "jesus, theres tentacles in holes i didnt even know i had."
#24549
<Otto> I froze up during a school play once
<Otto> Then I remembered what my teacher said
<Otto> "Imagine them naked!"
<Otto> So I did and I got a big hard on and ran off stage
#52107
godtoe: What do you think of fat women?
Relient K 0587: Define "fat"
godtoe: ( . )
#3010
<Valdrak> SuperMan is a virgin
<Wind-X> no way superman is a virgin...
<Wind-X> dude grew up on a FARM.
#176177
< pixie> Heh, looking at what things contain iron, its quite weird that I lack iron
< pixie> I eat plenty of things that contain it
< ari> So you eat plenty of iron but are anaemic? Why, that's ironic.
Comment: ##pink
#4174
<PapiChu1o> i only like DreamWeaver because it takes away the pain of staring at text
<S5474> I use a text based editor because it takes the pain away of pointing and clicking ;)