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#32921
<Skizot> my boss is a moron
<Skizot> he walked in an i had left mirc open
<Skizot> he asked what it was...
<Berry2K> bussiness relations?
<Skizot> i told him a new support program by microsoft
<Berry2K> :)
<Berry2K> haha
<Skizot> he says" do i need it"
<RightField> lol
<Skizot> i told him no... it's for really techincal people and n00bs
<Berry2K> WTFLOL
<Skizot> he asks what's a n00b
<RightField> omg
<Skizot> i told him that's what they call microsoft programmers
#297067
<prime_> if java really did garbage collection the jvm would uninstall itself
#116288
<Cyan> Some dude tried to break in last night at like 2am, but I was on the comp and it's like right beside the window so I heard the faggot.
<Cyan> Anyways, I grabbed the folding chair and as soon as he was like halfway through I beat the fucking shit out of him.
<Cyan> So he's laying here unconscious and I call the cops. Once they get here, they search him and look at what he fucking had:
<Cyan> 8 track tape (unlabeled), Flashlight (no batteries), Half eaten box of Fig Newtons, Measuring tape, Instructions to "Monopoly."
<dan> Dude, you fucking killed McGuyver!
#306165
<rush> where I come from we measure the hotness of a chick by using a scale which is determined by the number of days she could go without a shower and you'd still stick your tongue in her ass, and she's an 8
#18453
<Penguin> My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.
#19200
<etiolate> i am a lil loose tonight
<etiolate> I had a brass monkey
<etiolate> which is rum, vodka, and OJ
<IQpierce> they should call it a White Bronco
<IQpierce> because all three of those things were probably in that car
#6731
<mynx> hahaha i had a construction worker holler at me today
<Wurzle> he said "YOU FUCKING HOMO GET AWAY FROM MY BUIDING SITE!"
#8919
* zebra does the menstrual blood dance
<Slvrchair> zebra: your dances scare me.
<zebra> You should see them in person.
<zebra> It could be worse.
<zebra> I could give you the menstrual blood lapdance :P
<Slvrchair> ew, no :P
#1442
<Kashan> Ive been playing jetgrindradio too much
<Kashan> I just tried to grind a stairwell in halflife
#3851
<shin_k> rez is great though
<shin_k> just because of how insane it is visually
<shin_k> and w/ a great sound system it will make you CRAP YOUR PANTS
<TURBOMEAT> I don't think I've flat out crapped my pants yet
<TURBOMEAT> but there may have been some subtle fecal leakage, yes
#3265
<HondaRace> ask shok and how much I charged him for his clutch
<HondaRace> ;)
<Shok> no
<Shok> i'm embarassed
<poste> how much?
<HondaRace> he sucked my dick
<Shok> i felt used and dirty after
<spicrx7> HR, he sucked mine for a stick of gum the other day
<spicrx7> you got ripped off
#302185
<Stewart> One of my mates is trying to quit nicotine lozenges... by smoking
#27202
<cth> Well guys, I just learned a very valuable lesson.
<cth> Never, accidently run over your girlfriend's dog with your riding mower while going 30MPH.
<cth> NEVER
#38349
* tjm returns, having fled the office at 5.25pm with the utmost haste.
<dan> any reason?
<tjm> We have a major internal release tomorrow, and at 5.23pm I discovered that our main character had just turned into a small floating piece of sushi.
#54860
(Deranged): Haha... me and a friend were riding around today, and we stopped at a traffic light where there were two high school girls standing on the corner waiting to cross.
(Deranged): So my friend rolls down his window and asked one of the girls, "Hey, what can I get for ten dollars?"
(Deranged): They both opened their mouths in shock, so I leaned over and said, "Really? Then what can I get for $20?"
(Deranged): Turns out we can get cussed out for free. :/
#147599
<Ratfor> my roomates are play sharades
<Ratfor> tim is using his hands to do bios beep codes.
<Ratfor> 3-3-1
#5990
<zer0man> i wish someone told me that having a girlfriend was going to be difficult
<zer0man> or if they told me that, I wish i listened
#49854
<circusbred> my first time was horrible
<MK|AmericanRetard> lol
<Athlete> my first time was with a bitch of a tease and now i wish i hadn't
<circusbred> i wouldn't wish that on the 'right girl'
<MK|AmericanRetard> ROFL
<Athlete> cus we fucked for like 15 mintues and just as it were getting good
<Athlete> she stopped and started laughing
<MK|AmericanRetard> AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
<circusbred> ohhh
<Athlete> fuckin bitch
#10339
<Gorilla> aye. they didnt have any Dogs Bollocks in sainsburys, so i took a customer comment's card, and expressed my disappointment with them not stocking Dog's Bollocks on their shelves.
<Gorilla> tey sent me back a letter saying that they do not stock chinese delicacies. i think they thought i meant the actual testicles.
#52841
< orange9> gentoo?
< ScooterTi> bless you
#33216
<chiDEEZE> go fuck yourself
<mindstorms> itd be cool if there was somoene named "yourself"
<mindstorms> and he was like constantly being raped
#36259
<Jilly> i like bondage
<Jilly> do u?
<Jilly> pm me if u do
<Edestiny> this isnt jill
<Edestiny> she isnt signed on to msn
<Edestiny> evening mike
<Jilly> hi edd
#11154
<Tridon> hate cold water
* Tridon left the shower in a huff!
<Iksion> tridon ah your willy has shrinked in cold water?
<Tridon> this morning I had to talk him down, just so that I could take a piss... Now he's not even there any longer
#16298
<DaveMan> if a cop ever shoots, he/she means to kill
<DaveMan> standard practice is two at the torso, then try to put one in the head
<jitspoe> getting shot twice in the torso would suck
<Fryth> getting one would be a breeze, though
<jitspoe> Fryth: that only drops me to 60 health
#45629
RuKK0R: you know.. I was just looking at the official list of the most shoplifted items in the good ol US of A
RuKK0R: 1) painkillers
2) home pregnancy tests
3) razor blades
4) preperation H
5) baby food
6) condoms
RuKK0R: the first thing I had to wonder, upon looking over this list..
RuKK0R: if condoms had been higher on the list, would have baby food and pregnancy tests been lower?
jmlsteele: what I'm wondering is why is preperation H on the list.
jmlsteele: the rest "make sense"
jmlsteele: suicide, teen pregnancy, suicide, ????, teen pregnancy, to avoid teen pregnancy
jmlsteele: how in the hell does preperation H fit into that?!