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#28927
<[Knob]> So anyway, I was in this pub yesterday night, and there was music playing. So my friend suddenly says to me "This is good music to jerk off to" I'm like "What the fuck?" and he goes "Yeah, doesn't everyone have a song that they jerk off to?" - And while he said that, the music was turned off and he screamed it throughout the entire pub. Everyone was looking mighty strange at me...
#54264
* BigToe comes out of the closet
<BigToe> I'M BISEXUAL!
* Swishy cuts bigtoe in half and puts the other half in the closet
#16210
<clue> someone tell me where i can bionicsix cartoons
<ToOnMaN> i could but then i would have to kill u
<clue> can i at least watch one episode before i die then?
#7600
<OpsuPup> i just got some imaginary donuts, and they are fucking nice
<Xta-C> i just had imaginary sex, and it was disappointing
<bytraper> i just got some imaginary sex, and it was fucking nice
* Lord-Data thinks byt and xta just imaginarily slept together
#50161
<Infer|NHS> Oh shite, guess I'm not applying to NHS.
<pr0fessor> why?
<Infer|NHS> Didn't read forms, need references.
<Infer|NHS> Due first thing tomorrow. So it goes.
<CiA10386> You could just make them up! :-D
<CiA10386> Put me down as an international documtarist and war corrospondant and when they call me up, I'll just start fucking screaming over the line and hang up.
#294482
< User_4574> rm -rf /usr/slugonamission
< User_4574> apparently you dont exist...
< slugonamission> sudo rm -rf /dev/shittyUser
< slugonamission> touch /dev/yourMum
< slugonamission> cp /dev/yourMum /mnt/myPenis
< x5315> chmod a+rwx /dev/yourMum
< slugonamission> Hang on, retract my last statement
< slugonamission> mount /dev/yourMum -t fuck hard /mnt/myPenis
< slugonamission> Yeah bitch :P
< x5315> slugonamission: you're a fucking nerd
#24625
<cioxx> !fact
<Infomastr> Fact: A group of whales is called a pod.
<cioxx> whoa
<cioxx> a group of internet enabled whales is called... an iPod
#47217
<zeedo> youd think that there would be some sort of rescue process for submarines
<zeedo> but it looks like the process is "call lots of people who have subs and then we'll all get here and do stuff"
<zeedo> which is a decent plan for a party, not so good for rescuing trapped submariners
#8810
<Sarkazein> i was STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN drunk
<Sarkazein> and she wanted me to rub her clit
<Sarkazein> talk about fucking effort
<Sarkazein> i was ready to pass out
<Stu_pid> from rubbing her clit?
#8101
<Paeyl> why did i just have a sudden image of a penis with tentacles at the tip
<alayna> cthulhuitis
<Paeyl> is there an antibiotic for that?
<Paeyl> "doc, i have a problem." "what?" "it's my.. penis.. it .. " "yes?" "it can.. write its own name."
<geo> That's not a problem, son...that's a potential career.
#38557
<fractorial> !whatis rectum
<fok> Searching dictionary.com for rectum...
<fok> n. pl. rec tums or rec ta (-t ) The terminal portion of the large intestine, extending from the sigmoid colon to Amazon.com - Shop for books, music and more Merriam-Webster - Search for definitions
#30472
<Kaelic> I don't even know how I am meant to generate a random number in pseudo code
<+Raven> 14!
<Kaelic> Call the pseudo code function for it? :p
<@EdorFaus> yea :P
<+Raven> you can use me to generate them
<@Wumpus> bah, 'sif 14
<@Wumpus> 42!
<+Raven> 8!
<@EdorFaus> just say "generate random number" :P
<+Raven> Kaelic: now you have 3, isn't that enough?
<@Wumpus> hehe, and in kaelic's pseudocode we find: call( raven )
<+Raven> lol
<Kaelic> hehe
<@EdorFaus> lol
#295905
<Mario> Shooter: I eat pieces of *cake* like you for breakfast.
<Mario> Happy: You eat pieces of *cake* for breakfast?
<Mario> Shooter: ...no.
<Mario> god I hate censorship
#29683
<J3anyus> i have a friend who lives in orange county
<J3anyus> he has a penis.
<Conjurer> really?
<Conjurer> is it round?
<J3anyus> i think
<vegac> c0nj: j3's never seen it I'm sure
<Conjurer> wtf
<Conjurer> its his friend
<Conjurer> and he's never seen the penis?
<Conjurer> wtf kinda friend is that
#16768
<QiCK> Don't I just look ravishing in my father's dress.
#14510
<nightfal> diffused: Runtime().exec() is just a shortcut to
((Satan)System.getPropety("SATAN")).burnMyFaceOff(). Don't do it
#58525
<MrZodiac> One time I requested a feature in OpenBSD and Theo sent me a picture of him mooning me
Comment: #bifemunix efnet
#297775
<Pryoidain> Did I tell you guys my cop story?
<asaph> No, Pry.
<Pryoidain> Okay so..
<Pryoidain> I get hungry one day, and I tell my mom I'm heading out.
<Pryoidain> She tells me to pick up a watermelon from the farmer's market while i'm out.
<Pryoidain> So I do, and I notice the KFC across the street is open.
<Pryoidain> Being someone who pays very close attention to gas usage, I make the logical choice and get some KFC.
<cjk> ...oh boy...
<Pryoidain> Yep. I turn down king and flip the radio dial, and during my fumbling I speed up to 55.
<Pryoidain> King is a 45.
<Pryoidain> so I fly by this cop, who promptly pulls me over.
<Pryoidain> The cop...is BLACK.
<Pryoidain> He walks up to the window, and asks the question.
<Pryoidain> "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
<Pryoidain> I just...leaned back so he could see the watermelon and the fried chicken in the passenger seat.
<Pryoidain> the cop damn near pissed himself laughing. He laughed for a solid five minutes.
<Pryoidain> I then...got off...WITHOUT A TICKET.
#21080
<CommanderStab> You know how I'd love to go out?
<CommanderStab> Once I'
<sei> midsentence?
<ipkiss> hahahhaha
<CommanderStab> Hahaha, sei - shut up ^^;
#45624
<snu`> i registered for fall classes
<snu`> >_<
<snu`> Chem 251, Eng 101, Math 113, Engr 107
<synth> ......YOU'RE TAKING ENGRISH?
#20771
<j0nkatz> SHIT!
<j0nkatz> SHIT!
<j0nkatz> SHIT!
<j0nkatz> Tornado siren!!
<j0nkatz> brb
#6322
ted: woman plus invisible man = the perfect porn
craig: Actually, woman + visible woman is the perfect porn, but this is a close second.
#56564
<@Lambie> i wish people wouldnt leave before i can ban them
<@Lambie> it's fucking rude
#152644
<Crucial> whats a quick way to push ipconfig /release, ipconfig /renew to 50 or
so workstations
<Mo> cycle power to the building
#310172
<Bike> i'm ten pages in to an ethernet-phy manual and i'm pretty sure the internet is impossible