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#303121
<D--> Haiku OS is so fast, it makes me feel like I'm using a computer in 1990 instead of 2010.
<hcs> that's what you get when the developers have the discipline to write each subroutine in exactly 17 instructions
Comment: #zophar @ espernet
#333
<TknoMncr> defunkt: if there's 1 thing I can't stand...
<TknoMncr> it's someone thinkin they're cool bringing a kid onto irc
<TknoMncr> I swear
<TknoMncr> if I find someone doing it
<TknoMncr> I will get em reported for child abuse
#87102
<pallet> oh my god
<pallet> my daughter has been missing for a whole week now
<pallet> i'm so scared, i don't know what to do
<zene> my daughter isn't missing
<zene> that makes me a better parent right?
<zealo> i'm pretty sure it does
#4603
<Thrasher> What drugs should be used to increase statistics in my game?
<Ear> Well, beta-blockers would have a positive effect on accuracy, but a negative effect on strength.
<Ear> Acebutolol hydrocholoride, alprenolol hydrocholoride, atenolol, labetalol hydrochloride, metoprolol tartrate, nadolol, oxprenolol hydrochloride, propranolol hydrocholoride, sotalol hydrocholoride are the beta-blockers banned by the IOC.
<Thrasher> ...Remind me not to ask you for help again.
#37770
{Gohla} What could be defined as:'having an orgasm before your partner desires it'?
{Gohla} Answer: --------- -----------
{Gohla} Scrambled: urpemtear ncauaojtiel
{Endless_Tears} premature ejaculation
{Gohla} Newbie Endless_Tears got the answer: Premature ejaculation in 7.6714 seconds. Points:13 Rank:37th
{Gohla} Endless_Tears has moved up in rank: 35th
{Endless_Tears} Bam
{JackTheRipper} damn your fast
{Endless_Tears} That's what she said
Comment: I love mIRC trivia things :P.
#32855
<kip> it seems like every region of the us has some terrible and ridiculous problem
<RedDye4o> yes
<kip> like fire ants or earthquakes or thawing dog poo in the spring
<RedDye4o> America: a union of terrible and ridiculous problems
#307039
<scoff> Look, the watermelon was being microwaved to defrost it, and I don't know how my pants fell down when I tripped but those pictures are my intellectual property
#41234
<BiG_10> gonna see if i can cancel my order of 6 gallons of listerine
<BiG_10> foudn out the damn stuff has an expiration date.... my 1 liter says it'll expire in may of '06... and i just bought 6 years worth of mouth wash
Comment: #teamlan on ETG
#298704
Primus521: hey dude the funniest thing happened to me today
Primus521: im at walmart and this chick is buying a box of tampons and they are missing the upc and wont ring up
Primus521: so the cashier tells his buddy to get a price check on tampax
Primus521: the dude looks at him and says, "the kind u push in, or the kind you hammer in?"
Primus521: lol
Primus521: turns out he misheard him
Primus521: he thought he said thumbtacs
#13592
* Thirty-nothingster will kick the next person who spoils
<Pong64> Darth Vader is Luke's father. =D
#3938
<sTek> "ONLY FRIENDS", i hate those two words
<sTek> even worse than "im pregnant"
#301694
Stranger: girl looking for boy to talk dirty
Stranger: interested?
You: o ok
Stranger: you start baby
You: mud
You: dust
You: mold
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
#308438
<Migs> what does it mean when critics say a movie is "smart?"
<gildean> they didn't understand it
#6505
<jeremiah> the other day, we were sitting there in class
during an awkward pause and the teacher was feeling all proud of himself [...] and I say: "so mr critzer, when are you going
to get a real job?"
#296825
Oddlot: I guess I might have to re-install windows.
FuzzyPlushroom: Whose is it?
Oddlot: Joannas.
Oddlot: My cousins friends friend.
FuzzyPlushroom: she's paying you, then? :P
Oddlot: If she is, in weed.
Oddlot: Either that, or a bj, whichever works.
FuzzyPlushroom: Congratulations. You're officially a goddamn stoner.
Oddlot: Yeah.
Oddlot: I figured that much out.
#1107
* MadHatter is back from: Rebooting!
<^enex^> do you feel refreshed
#58082
<Emerl> Ok, so I ordered pizza from Dominos last night. (It's the only place in town that delivers.)
<Emerl> When the delivery guy walks up, I notice two weird things. 1. He's not wearing a name tag. 2. He is fat and has pizza stains on his shirt
<Emerl> So then I take the pizza and pay. He's squirming, real suspicious-like. When he gets the money, he runs out and gets into his car, and does a burnout as he accelerates away.
<Emerl> I open the pizza box and it looks like fucking Pac-man
<Emerl> This fucker got hungry and ate my pizza
<Emerl> Anyway, I reported him and got him fired
<Emerl> Apparently, this wasn't the first time this happened
Comment: ...
#3837
<Slant> dpkg -i kernel-image-2.4.18_kami.1.0_i386.deb
<Sam|foo> ok
<Slant> ok, reboot.
<Sam|foo> brb
* Slant nods.
<-- Sam|foo has quit (QUIT: User exited)
<FlipTopBox> sucka. he's doomed, isn't he.
#311314
<Jigsy> So is it possible to restore the United States from a backup?
#20900
<SomeGuy> My computer has no firewalls. It is protected by a thin layer of cheese
<screevo> Well, thats gouda, someguy
<SomeGuy> RIMSHOT!
<Treen> ...
<screevo> what type of cheese?
<SomeGuy> Wisconsin Cheddar
<screevo> heh. thats very sharp of you
<screevo> being the religious guy I am, i use swiss
* SomeGuy snorts
<screevo> I like it holy, ya know.
<SomeGuy> oh the puns
<screevo> when I was more of an emokid, i used bleu cheese...it seemed to fit the mood.
<screevo> one day, i wondered what happened if I took the cheese protection off, but was too scared to try
<screevo> so eventually, i munsteared up the courage to do it...
<SomeGuy> oh my god
<Treen> damn you. damn you straight to hell.
* SomeGuy Quit (Quit: Avante!)
<screevo> think we were too...cheesey for him?
#304713
<egreos> you know you're a nerd when you watch porn and pause it to see what textbooks the schoolgirl is carrying so you can judge her attractiveness based on her subjects.
<egreos> she was apparently studying "dictionary", so i turned it off.
<egreos> if it had been a physics book I would have been all over that shit.
#50728
<h4m911> i think i am going to rather enjoy my workcentre's new policy of "we won't work on your shitbox unless you sit here and wait while we do"
<h4m911> that should cut down my work load by about 900%
<punch> heh
<punch> fuck that
<punch> i dont need Newbie McTalker hovering over me while i fix his emachine
<punch> "what are you doing now?"
<punch> "what program is that?"
<punch> "where did you learn to do that?"
<punch> "what caused that to break?"
<punch> "i just bought that machine a year ago brand new"
<punch> "what do you mean its a 486"
<h4m911> you're not bitter at all!
#10853
<_orion> I love escelators, they can never break, only temporarially turn into stairs
#272777
Mango: I still haven't fixed my speakers and I wanted to watch a movie.
Mango: So I set the sound card to record from output,
Mango: used a softphone program to call my VoIP phone,
Mango: and had it play the movie to me over the phone.
Mango: God, I love being a geek :)
PID1|work: So Mango, you can truthfully say you have a hot actress on the phone just now?
#12104
<icas0r> somsone do a stats on decoded
<icas0r> i think he a fed =[
<rightie> nah feds only have Netzero for their isp
<rightie> they cut back on funding