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#36475
<SocialMadClown> and your a wife-beater
<Mayseth> I don't even have a wife
<Mayseth> How can I possibly beat something I don't have. That'd be like you trying to masturbate or something.
#78
<AlmtyBob> I think they should make 'Powerpuff Girls: 2012', a live action movie, where the powerpuff girls are played by mad hot chicks
<AlmtyBob> teenage chicks
#8554
<JungleMason> There's a hole in my heart that can only be filled by you.
<Gabealicious> Have you tried epoxy?
<JungleMason> Yes, and the smell reminds me of you.
<Gabealicious> Or... maybe some of that spray foam insulation...
<JungleMason> I LOVE that shit.
<Gabealicious> me too!
<JungleMason> Tastes GREAT on a Triscuit.
<Gabealicious> Yes ... some folks call it 'ez cheez'
<JungleMason> Burger King calls it "Ranch Dip."
#61203
<Romykins> Well, grass is always greener on the other side etc etc
<Omi> That saying is so stupid
<Omi> Have you ever turned a bit of grass over? For a start, it's not green.
<Xa> A blade of grass or a field of grass?
<Omi> Field... cut a square of grass from a garden and turn it over. I'd love to meet the person who came up with that saying.
<Omi> I bet you the moron was colorblind.
#309079
12:28:31] <e0x> i use G+ , in fact is the only social network beside irc that i use
<e0x> ( yes irc is a social network )
<`WarpKat> irc is not a social network - it's where i come to waste time most of the day without doing anything productive at work.
<`WarpKat> ...
<`WarpKat> ok.
<`WarpKat> maybe it IS a social network.
#49491
<xkcd> Guy in line: English should be the national language, these immigrants should have to learn English when they come here.
<xkcd> Girl in line: Yeah
<xkcd> Guy: When you go to live somewhere, you learn the language they speak there. English is the language of the land.
<xkcd> Sarah Mac: (from behind in line) Excuse me, but -- osio sarah dawado.
<xkcd> Guy: What the hell was that?
<xkcd> Sarah: Cherokee.
#60332
<Gorg> im 6'5"
<Gorg> ladies call me the gentle giant
<moses> ladies call me the genital giant
#8159
<Naivete> HE HAS NO FEELINGS
<Naivete> HE IS JUST A GIANT ROBOT WITH A PULSING 8" COCK
<Sky> TRANSFORMER PORN!!! NOW WE"RE TALKING!
#309109
<Pryoidain> ....
<Pryoidain> I just fucking got OWNED by a plastic bag
<Pryoidain> So I finished my twizzlers right and I had this 1 gallon plastic bag with a double seal thing
<Pryoidain> so i closed it up real tight and used a straw to inflate it to bursting, then sealed it
<Pryoidain> and i sat it on my desk chair and plopped down on it HARD to try and pop it
<Pryoidain> fucker shot out behind me, I flew forward face to desk, chair went backward, I fell off the desk and slammed my fucking head on the wall, and then the bag fell, still inflated, onto my lap
#7877
<craving> I had a great dream last night. I was a servant of Satan, and in return for my services he had given me this enormouse house on the side of a mountain. It had a big balcony and a great bookshelf. I was a little nervous, though, because He had eaten my predecessor alive.
#8085
<biatch> he tells me how he's cheated on two of his gfs
<biatch> then when i email him telling him i'm back with luke
<biatch> he's all disappointed
<biatch> and he's like
<biatch> "i told you about the girls i cheated on because i wanted you to TRUST me"
#7459
<trimp> indd: go smell your mom's panties
<indd> i cant, she threw them at aerosmith.
#308280
(rickest) reinventing the wheel is exactly what allows us to travel 80mph without even feeling it. the original wheel fell apart at about 5mph after 100 yards. now they're rubber, self-healing, last 4000 times longer. whoever intended the phrase "you're reinventing the wheel" to be an insult was an idiot.
#28562
<suraka> there should be a GTA3 mod to see how many prostitutes you can sleep with in 5mins
<Lynkx> there is, its called college
#54315
<er> So a Mafia boss is on his death bed, and he calls his grandson over
<er> and he says, "Son, I'd like you to have my gold-plated revolver."
<er> But the son replies, "You know, grandpa, I don't really like guns. Can I have your Rolex watch instead?"
<er> The boss says, "Listen to me, son. Some day, you'll be boss of the family, have a beautiful wife and a big house.
<er> And then, one day, you come home and your wife's in the arms of another man.
<er> What are you going to do, point to your Rolex and say, 'Time's Up'?"
#5421
* Lots42 has just finished perusing Ladyj.net and is now very frightened
<LJ-atwork> Lots: frightened?
<Lots42> LJ yes. Since you have the eyes and nose of my ex-girlfriend.
<LJ-atwork> in a jar
#30404
Tridao: i got 100%
Tridao: :D
Xeero: On what?
Tridao: the iq test
Xeero: ...
Tridao: 100% of what/
Xeero: Did it give you a number?
Xeero: That says
Xeero: 'Your IQ is ___"
Tridao: 100%...:(
Xeero: Okay, your IQ is not high.
#39837
<dev0> Is there any better voice-canceling implementation than the usual channel-substraction thing?
<DEATH> try screaming along with inverted polarity
#207998
<Fudoushin> I must've gotten into the Japanese language for the stupidest reason...
<Fudoushin> I like anime, Japanese video games (RPGs mainly), and manga.
<Fudoushin> So I majored in it in college. Which is really not that far removed from majoring in African-American Studies because you enjoy '70s blaxploitation films...
#8092
<in|cheef> you know cd's that clean your cd player
<in|cheef> can you d/l one?
#2721
<MiddleSF2> wow 80 people eh? I thought irc would be closed on x-mas eve ^_^
#15185
<temujin> Linux == brotherhood of the dateless?
#213469
<Raws> rofl
<Raws> I was just answering some poor guy's question in #java on another network, while I was watching these dateline things
<Raws> And I was talking about the dateline stuff in another channel
<Raws> So in the other channel, we all decide to change our nicks
<Raws> In the middle of me answering his question, this guy just sees
<Raws> *** Raws is now known as onlinepenisguy_464
<Raws> He just left
#5357
<+shagman> man, my ice water tastes like shit this morning
<+SuperGayHomo> well don't get it out of the toilet bowl
<@shagman> I wonder if it's my ice cubes
<@shagman> I'm gonna try the ones from the other tray
<@shagman> ahhhhh, much better
<@SuperGayHomo> those ones came from the tank
#154850
<@Genesis`> Dr Phil said: Sometimes you just got to give yourself what you wish someone else would give you.
<@Genesis`> i cant bend over that far :(