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#300940
<ttvd> wow i wrote "switch wives" instead of "switch views" in email.
<ttvd> response is going to be interesting
#33197
<Celeste> hey walra, fucking me, to a man, is what a big bucket of fried chicken is to you
<walra> oooooh
#12438
<Rhombus> US investigators say they have seen neither bodies nor graves while examining a civilian site in central Afghanistan, allegedly targeted by US warplanes earlier this week.
<Rhombus> That sounds like:
<Rhombus> Fox investigators say there is no proof that any henhouses have been raided by foxes.
#18532
<pure_arf> relapse you can fuck with most new tv infrared receivers
<pure_arf> with TI calculators
<pure_arf> i was just playing with one once, pressing random buttons and the TV suddenly turns on and starts flipping channels
<MonkeyT> arf are you sure you didnt confuse a ti graphing calculator with a remote control
#30749
[06:45] <Newfiebul> ok.. i'll stay connected, and could you PM me when you get home?
[06:47] <[GizMo2]> yeah
[06:47] <Newfiebul> ok thanks
* Quits: Newfiebul
[06:48] <DaCaptn> thats an awesome job of staying connected
#311395
Xhiel: OH MY GOD
Xhiel: so these's an online company that make mini bricks for construction stuff
Xhiel: and there's a reddit thread where a poster said he once masturbated used a miniature brick anally
Xhiel: and it got stuck inside, so he had to literally shit a brick
Xhiel: so someone links the website that makes tiny bricks
Xhiel: and the owner notices all the traffic
Xhiel: and tracks the fucking thread down
Xhiel: AND POSTS A 30% DISCOUNT CODE
Xhiel: "MINIBRICKDILDO"
Xhiel: AND THE GOD DAMNED CODE WORKS
Xhiel: I can't right now
Xhiel: I have lost my ability to even
Xhiel: AND HIS COMMENT IS GUILDED
Xhiel: THAT'S IT
Xhiel: I"M DONE
#7513
<eth0_tulip> once, i stabbed a guy in LA, for not closing both eyes at the same time when he blinked
#14621
(@Grantfly): i'm actually rubbing my balls right now
(@Grantfly): i wonder if my parents' keyboard is gonna smell like my balls
(@Grantfly): they might not like that
#30792
«%Jeeba» One time my dad made me close my eyes and suck some mollasses out of a hose, Still dont know why though.
#38098
<@ecks> do you have any pets that have a pension for eating things of former girlfriends?
<@f0rked> pension?
<@zeleftikam> no
<@Firebug24k> penchant
<@zeleftikam> all my pets have 401k s
#45563
<TheHeadlinesRead> hey guys who wants 2 cyber???
<FacadeofTime> Why do you want to cyber?
<FacadeofTime> Do you have a low self worth?
<FacadeofTime> Why cant you meet someone nice in real life?
<FacadeofTime> Do you think you're ugly?
<Vide0GameFreak64> No, everyone else does.
#18663
<@boohiss> YOU AREN'T MY REAL FATHER
<@boohiss> I HATE YOU
<@boohiss> YOU NEVER WENT TO MY BASEBALL GAMES
<+DuoMaxwell> you never played baseball, you signed up for ballet you fuckin fag
<@boohiss> oh yeah...
#18516
BeHeMoTh101 : dude, penises shouldn't leak
TX Luder : uh... does yours?
BeHeMoTh101 : ok after you pee
TX Luder : oh, yeah
BeHeMoTh101 : you could stand over the toilet forever and not be drained
TX Luder : oh, well i manufactured a crude devise using a valve from a prosthetic heart and some exopy glue... it works wonders
BeHeMoTh101 : how does that even function
TX Luder : you know, i probably should have figured out how it would work before i glued it to my penis, but ya win some ya lose some
#309841
< j0h> Ive been drunk for nearly 2 weeks but jrvc might have a problem.
<@LinearInterpol> j0h: that's called being a system administrator.
#19334
DARK-LORD> I got an email and it ahowed this Chinese/Seafood place called ....Fuk Mie. I don't even want to know how they awnser the phone!LOL
#2402
<intra> I want to propose to my wife with a giant foam #1 finger instead of a ring.
#14351
<malcolm> I would appreciate it more if I didn't have to set JAVA_HOME and ANT_HOME and HILL_DEPTH and AVERAGE_LIFESPAN_OF_INSECT and NUMBER_OF_LEGS and DIRECTION_OF_PREVAILING_WIND and BIRTHDAY
#16694
«FivePee»: brb gotta piss and get a cock
«FivePee»: omg
«FivePee»: get a coke
«Electronut»: rofl
#10695
<@Nfs> what good is all the fame if you aint fuckin the models?
<@BLiNGO> umm
<@BLiNGO> you dont need fame to fuck models
<@Nfs> but its gettin hot in herre, so take off all your clothes..
<@BLiNGO> i am gettin so hot, i will take my clothes off
* @BLiNGO sets mode: -clothes BLiNGO
#7964
<akii> what happens when disney goes bankrupt?
<akii> does walt get unfrozen?
<nigd> haahha
<nigd> how pissed would you be
<nigd> "IM ALIVE!"
<nigd> "yes"
<nigd> "Did you cure me?"
<nigd> "no"
<nigd> "Why unfreeze me then?"
<nigd> "You're going broke"
<nigd> "fuck."
#8751
* Toke_ waits for pills to kick in
<Linguica> toke have you been toking
* Toke_ wonders why his desk is sticky
<Linguica> toke have you been stroking
#104061
* Blacken sets mode: +m
<Blacken> Announcement:
<Blacken> By GOD, I fucking hate furfags.
* Blacken sets mode: -m
* Blacken has quit IRC (Ping timeout)
<Willfor> Apparently the reason he hates them is because they chewed through his internet wires
#108878
NeverWakeUp1229: So I had a major conflict between my ego and my cock today
MotherBound0: don’t the two go hand in hand?
MotherBound0: or dick in hand?
NeverWakeUp1229: Whatever
NeverWakeUp1229: So I was turning in my essay at the same time as some hot chick in my history class
NeverWakeUp1229: We both go for the stapler, and naturally I snag it first
NeverWakeUp1229: So my cock goes, “Be a gentleman and offer her the stapler! It’s one less step for you to go to get in her pants.”
NeverWakeUp1229: And my ego says, “No, don’t be a pussy. You don’t owe her shit.”
MotherBound0: so what happened?
NeverWakeUp1229: I offered her the stapler and she told me to go ahead and use it first
NeverWakeUp1229: Best of both worlds
MotherBound0: you possess the most fucked up sense of logic ever
#32732
<slygirl> Ogg is such a weird name... next thing you know, people will be ripping their music in poo format.
* hen-neko-zzz starts working on the format right away
* slygirl imagines RIAA officials denouncing the sharing of ".poo" files.
<carpboy> it would be awesome
<carpboy> to listen to poo
<hen-neko-zzz> man, burn me a cd of poos
<ChibiShin> hehe
<Fireye> Mmm, poo
<slygirl> "Hi, I'm one of those kids that was persecuted for downloading .poo off the internet. Well, I'm here to tell you that I'm STILL gonna download .poo off the internet."
<BoogiepopLain> And when you share .poo files, popular slang would be "Slinging .poo"
<SaturnPrince> That must be some crappy stuff
Comment: EsperNet #AnimeDVD
#109
<Jigsaw> a DVD and a CD are the same thing when they're blank aren't they?
<Jarvik8> cds are made of pikachu skins