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#37081
<Sebbe> When I was 19 I somehow wound up dating a 23-year-old (which was awesome at the time). She had a one-year-old daughter, but the fact that I was nailing an older woman 4 or 5 times a week overshadowed any problems I had with dating someone with a kid.
<Sebbe> One night we were going at it pretty heavy when her daughter discovered how to get over the baby gate. We never heard her sneak down the hall and into the bedroom. We also never heard her go into her mothers nightstand and pull out an 8 inch red rubber dildo. I look over and see this girl standing there with smile on her face and the dildo raised high over her head. Realizing what was about to happen I started to say something, but it was too late...
<Sebbe> *THWACK*
<Sebbe> She brought it down hard on my face, me barely comprehending what the hell was going on. I managed to get it away from her and her mother took her back to her room, but the mood was long dead. The relationship didn't last too long after that
#68761
<Rayder> If you are interested in being part of a the Knowledge Bowl Team, please come to a short meeting at 2:15 on Wednesday, September 27th. What is Knowledge Bowl you might ask? Well, it is rather like Jeopardy except more fun and only for high school students. Come and find out whether it's for you.
<Rayder> but where is the meeting?
<Dr_Pressure> looks like knowlege bowl is not for you
#49491
<xkcd> Guy in line: English should be the national language, these immigrants should have to learn English when they come here.
<xkcd> Girl in line: Yeah
<xkcd> Guy: When you go to live somewhere, you learn the language they speak there. English is the language of the land.
<xkcd> Sarah Mac: (from behind in line) Excuse me, but -- osio sarah dawado.
<xkcd> Guy: What the hell was that?
<xkcd> Sarah: Cherokee.
#27214
<banuaba> nick, do you think a baby could eat another baby?
<nick> if it was hungry enough, sure
<nick> why?
<banuaba> dunno
<banuaba> just trying to plan my day
#8271
*** Haggis has quit IRC (Quit: Sometimes I try to masturbate long words into a conversation. Even if I dont know what they mean.)
#5417
<Yusaku> "God dammit mom, why the fuck did you buy me an xbox?" "What, how can you tell?" "Well, that present under the Christmas tree is either a coffee table, or an xbox...I'm hoping it's a coffee table."
#41108
<WeirdHat> so I went to the LOTR thing at the museum of science
<WeirdHat> when we were in the line to get in
<WeirdHat> there was a guy at the front with a microphone to tell us all the rules, no cameras allowed and things like that, blah blah blah
<WeirdHat> when he started, the volume on the microphone was set too loud
<WeirdHat> so he joked "THIS IS GOD" and then fixed the volume and went on with the telling us stuff
<WeirdHat> and when he was done
<WeirdHat> a little girl behind me said
<WeirdHat> "was that REALLY god?"
#302661
<Mango> Duck.
<Mango> s/D/F/
<chanbot> Mango meant: (Censored).
* chanbot was kicked from #depot by chanbot: No swearing.
<Mango> :D
#300759
tfpen: kind of ironic that a "full service ad agency" outsources their site
tfpen: unless this is your employer...
nomercy: my entire career is doing websites for people who say they do websites
#17249
<NickBlasta> i always dream and then wake up and i was like woah was that real
<NickBlasta> like the matrix
<isajeep> which pill did you take?
<NickBlasta> the hard pill
<isajeep> lol knew you'd say that
#5489
<Entomorph> you know what cracks me up.. trojan condoms, hehe.. I mean if you think about it, a trojan horse was really full off all these little men, and it was a trick to get them inside the fortress.. once inside, the horse BUSTS open, and all the little men come flowing out
#40097
* Myke is listening to:
<Myke> Case Fan - 3402 RPM
<Myke> Ontario Hydro - Singing the Transformer Blues in B-flat
<Myke> Dying Monitor - The 12KHz Capacitor Dance
<Myke> Stereo Amp - Ground Lift Fault (The Buzz)
<Myke> Fast Skuzzy and the Array - Synchronized Whine
Comment: #SPORKS - Myke needs a new stereo
#8159
<Naivete> HE HAS NO FEELINGS
<Naivete> HE IS JUST A GIANT ROBOT WITH A PULSING 8" COCK
<Sky> TRANSFORMER PORN!!! NOW WE"RE TALKING!
#30337
<DJ-Pyro> oh boy..shit is going to hit the fan now...sco is distrubuting linux with another license
<willo> DJ-Pyro: really? ummmm.
<willo> DJ-Pyro: my god they're stupid.
<willo> I knew they were, but I figured only half the head was in the sphincter
<willo> apparently the entire thing fits. who knew?
#67427
<Angelic> In other news, Sony annonced that it's new game console, the PS3, would in fact NOT run games, and instead play VIRTUAL FUN DISKS which are totally different from games in all ways and should totally not be connected in any way to the "Game Industry" which the representitive speaking declared as "Childish" and "For Wimps,"
<Angelic> To go along with this bold declaration, he stated "YEA, YOU HEARD ME NINTENDO! YOU'RE ALL A BUNCH OF PUSSIES."
#28313
phusnikin> that sucked. compiled my executable into my src and i have no
backup, damm bash tab completion :\\
#9293
<egg> i had beer for breakfast yesterday
<Raz> egg: I had YOU for breakfast yesterday
<Raz> BECAUSE YOUR NAME IS "EGG." AND I HAD AN EGG I AM A COMEDY GENIUS
<egg> Raz: If that were so, i'd be playing havoc with your colon
<Raz> egg: You did :[
#57881
-!- ians [~ians@206.73.209.94] has joined #berg
< ians> :-(
< jeriko> why the sad emoticon?
< ians> My name is depressing.
< jeriko> there's lots of people with the last name "gay", ians
< ians> Jeriko, my middle name is Robert.
< ians> I just received a letter from my bank titled to "I. R. Gay"
#86748
<datagram> he's half japanese half vietnamese
<datagram> which means he'd be 1/2 okay with me saying gook
<Lordnynex> thats a reasonable mathematical approach to racism
#86239
<Bricker> Hey natpen, we’re trying to come up with some nicknames for Jennings, did you have any?
<natpen> Well, one time we were about to have sex and he was too drunk to get it up. So we laid there awhile and it was pretty awkward. Then, he stood up on the bed with the covers wrapped around his shoulders like a cape, and screamed “I’M BATMAN”. I almost shit myself.
<Bricker> Holy shit, are you fucking serious? Please tell me you’re making that up.
<natpen> No, I’m not. The weird thing is, after he got into the role, he finally got it up, and it was the best sex of my life. So I usually call him batman.
#232484
Mark: nah, that's mostly good to go but FUCK PHP's GC is embarassing
Sean: :(
Mark: like, you have to unset() array items when you're done with them or it'll just hold on forever
Sean: ok, so it is like REAL WORLD garbage collection, where they will take the small trash, but leave your couch for a few weeks?
#59664
garysimat: so...
garysimat: all i need is 2000 now to get my rims
garysimat: 1/5 the way there
Aeternum Tacet: ...
Aeternum Tacet: aren't the stock rims nice?
garysimat: there decent
garysimat: but i want 20" chrome
Aeternum Tacet: I mean this in the nicest way possible, but I hope you get robbed
#34223
<t|to> I practice being a bash.org mod by voting "negative" on all the quotes in the bash.cx queue
#36404
<Nyschashi-Seikun> and i dont let people borrow my games
<Nyschashi-Seikun> it would be like letting them borrow my penis
<Nyakhe> ...
<Nyschashi-Seikun> im too attached to them
#97327
DWang: a friend of mine
DWang: used 3 minutes on his phone last month
DWang: but he got refunded 4!
DWang: the phone company apparently uses 4-byte unsigned ints
DWang: because it UNDERFLOWED
DWang: he apparently used 2^32 minutes at 10 cents a minute
DWang: so he got a bill
DWang: for $430 MILLION