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#40240
<pete> did yalll see the presidential debate
<pete> it was funny
<edisk> yeah
<edisk> my friend and i had lists of words we were counting for
<pete> what were they?
<edisk> like "safety" and "freedom" and "Saddam"
<edisk> but the winner was "[awkward pause]"
#37843
<TrafficCone> Me: "So would you sleep with me for a milion bucks?"
<TrafficCone> Her: "I guess. Thats a lota money."
<TrafficCone> Me: "How about 50 bucks?"
<TrafficCone> Her: "What do you think I am, a filthy whore?"
<TrafficCone> Me: "Well we know what you are, now we're just negotiating the price."
<TrafficCone> Earned me a slap, but it seemed like a good idea at the time, and I stand by that decision.
#19000
* harb goes to do something totally wild and out of his head.
<harb> See you at the diner.
*** harb has quit IRC (Quit: michief. mayhem. soap.)
<Danelope> Eating lunch is "totally wild"? Jesus Christ, that boy needs to get out more often.
<Danelope> New from the producers of "Girls Gone Wild" and "Girls Gone Wild: Spring Break", it's "Bryan Allen Goes Wild!"
<Danelope> Watch as Bryan goes crazy and...eats chicken!
<Danelope> YOU WON'T BELIEVE YOUR EYES!
#39561
<+phulcrum> i was just wondering if i ordered the sims 2 now, will i get it the day of the release
<~BalefireX> why would you buy sims 2
<~BalefireX> when evil genius is coming out
<~BalefireX> evil genius = sims for people with a penis
<+phulcrum> cause i need something to hold me over till evil genius gets here
<+phulcrum> plus chicks play the sims
<+phulcrum> saw two pretty cute ones looking for it in best buy today
<+phulcrum> i was gunna talk to them
<+phulcrum> but then i remembered im fat
<+phulcrum> and left
Comment: #gideontech
#66161
Metalcore: see, the lack of emotion i could ALMOST deal with.
Metalcore: if you know, she would ever talk to me.
Metalcore: it's like squeezing water from a rock.
Metalcore: but not just any rock.
Metalcore: like, a rock that exists in a universe that lacks the hydrogen and oxygen atoms.
#56188
<Nuttacon> i hate this, i have sooooooooooo much i could be doing..
<Nuttacon> it's overwhelming, i end up just worrying about how to do it all and not get anything done :(
<pentium176> i think you need a lesson in time management
<Nuttacon> perhaps
<Nuttacon> i don't know when i'd have time for it
#19458
<[RP]nanoTech> the study of physics will always be safer than biology, for while the hazards of physics drop off as 1/r^2, biological ones grow exponentially.
#6724
<Goldenstimme1> 46 M lonely, self-employed, employed myself earlier this evening
#33753
<phoxxy> i was on the phone with a company for my business that was in Tennesee. the guy was trying to tell me information over the phone. i asked if they had a website and he goes "Well, I didn't offer to give you our website information because I didn't think you had internet in Indiana."
#60271
<Ted> Ooh ooh! My cache has my credit card number it. Now I don't have to pull out my wallet. Thank you, Internet
<RayTracer> Now is that a bug or a feature?
<Ted> There's no privacy on the net anyway, so it defaults to a feature
#32076
<Drav> where the hell can a well-intended, modest, christian fellow go to get a handjob around here?
<ktrout> look no further than the end of your arm
<CoverSlide> Drav: are you under 12?
<CoverSlide> because you could become catholic
#142920
<paddypower> i saw these condoms
<paddypower> the inside is lined with some chemical that numbs your dick
<paddypower> so you can last longer
<Mongrel> or wear it inside out, and you don't even have to wake her up :D
#5509
<ScumDog> rah
<ScumDog> this "waking up in the morning" stuff is interesting
#7898
<aSSMAGGOT> [badpeon_] all humans have to die
<paniq> i dont have to
<paniq> i have won in a lottery for immortality
<wayfinder> i thought you've won a key fob?
<jco> an immortal key fob
#1586
<[D60]BIG_K> WHY IS CHANSERV IN EVERY FUCKING CHANNEL
#259327
<+Nohc> I feel like playing video games\
<+Nohc> but I have too much work
<+aero> Has that stopped you before?
<+Nohc> good point
#8329
<a> i wish i had some vr goggles or something
<Loc-Dog> a: for porn?
<a> so nobody could tell i was playing games
<a> games being interactive porn
<Loc-Dog> a: they'd be able to tell when you pulled out the "joystick" to manuever your "character" in the "first person shooter"
<a> Loc-Dog: i use the keyboard.
#50431
<rw-rw-rw-> Just found out that the reason they didn't upgrade this ISDN line here to voice+data is because "we're out of trunks".
<scromp> Uh oh. Nothing worse than half-naked telco employees
#30527
(Spudman) Being the british people you are, do you ever say "rightio then chap, ta ta?"
(Intron|Away) being the american you are, do you regularly shoot people on your own team in games ?
#302416
Vasir: What's tuberculosis?
Psi: A lung disease
Vasir: Ohh, I thought it was an std
Psi: lol, no, it's transferred by coughing, sneezing, stuff like that
Vasir: I thought its when your dick is clogged
Psi: ...
Vasir: ...
Vasir: Is there a disease fitting that description?
Psi: God, I hope not...
#16438
<^bat-sai> i once went to lismore
<^bat-sai> for a baseball competition
<^bat-sai> when i was 13
<^bat-sai> i was mocked
<^bat-sai> because i was the only one who thought we were there to play baseball on the snes
#34250
XtBA: oh yea and my moms wants u to ask ur pops if he can drive us to air plane thing
XtBA: holy shit i forgot the name
XtBA: oh yea... airport
Jiggy: ....wow
XtBA: haha i was thinking bout plane station
#2604
<zip`> bah no use arguing with people who think .fi is fiji
#307310
* Pryoidain is now known as MSWord
<MSWord> Oh Hi! I'm Microsoft word!
<MSWord> Hmm...I'm not really sure what you're doing here..you're using my equation editor an awful lot.
<MSWord> Oh! I see alot of numbers in parenthesis before these equations!
<MSWord> Huh...They don't quite match up though. See you have (1),(2),(3),(1),(3),(4),(1),(2),(5)
<MSWord> I can help! Let me just automatically reformat those into a list!
* MSWord DESTROYS ALL FORMATTING TO THIS POINT
<MSWord> What? You want me to stop automatically generating lists and go back to previous?
<MSWord> But..I was just trying to help!
<MSWord> Here, I'll fix it.
* MSWord RESETS ALL NUMBERS, FORMATTING, TAB INDENTATIONS, AND FORMULA LAYOUTS
<MSWord> There, Back to a blank slate!
<MSWord> What?
<MSWord> Hey why are you undoing?
<MSWord> Hey, don't go in there, those are my settings!
<MSWord> But, that's the autocorrect setting! That's me! What are you plan-
* MSWord is now known as Pryoidain
<Pryoidain> This is exactly how I am going to explain to my idiot math teacher why Microsoft word is a fucking HORRIBLE choice for a math homework submission.
#53824
< withnail> thats another thing, in video games you always have to shoot bosses in the head or the one giant eye or something. i know this wouldn't work in transformers, but just once i'd like to see a game where the commander radios in the information for you to fight the giant monster and it comes through " well sir we've studied him deeply and it would appear his weak spot is right in his testicles, so shoot there repeatedly"
< withnail> i mean just once