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#32574
<L33tKrew> MY HAMSTER IS SO STUPID
<L33tKrew> he keeps climbing the bars
<L33tKrew> and falling off
<Gothic_CatGirl> Hamtarooooooo
<L33tKrew> then repeats
<Kupo> your hamster will never get to be a lawyer now!
#37991
<VooDoo-chan> im sitting at home watching TV with my girlfriend, Amanda, last night... her daughter is sitting on the floor in front of us eating Jell-O... she asks me "Sean, what is Jell-O?" i look over at Amanda and she looks at me waiting for me to answer her daughter... i turn back to Tesley and tell her "Well, honey, Jell-O is made from Crushed Unicorns"...
<VooDoo-chan> whole lot of crying happened after that
#16780
<Slime> Whenever hot chicks come up to me I always end up, like, vomitting everywhere and somehow my pants fall down, and then someone has a black eye, and everything goes wrong
#14669
<@Aureal> Wow, free web space for only $15.
#33190
<@Lawn-Gnome> fuck
<@Lawn-Gnome> time to take the toaster outside again :\
<@Zee> ...
<@DonoftheDead> wtf
<@Lawn-Gnome> i dont got a lighter
<@Lawn-Gnome> and i cant smoke inside
<@Lawn-Gnome> so i ben taken the toaster outside to light my smoke off of
<@Lawn-Gnome> brb
Comment: From teh h4x
#17749
<Crumbs> anyone know what the strongest painkillers you can buy are?
<Trukkie> guns
#306405
<goretext>so when I was in HS, I would hack the wifi with my ipod.
<goretext>the school caught on so they started looking at the ipod names to try and figure it out.
<goretext>every 3 days i would change its name to "(insert popular girls name here)'s iphone"
<goretext> 3 of them were suspended before i stopped
<wedge> oh god, that's funny.
<goretext> it won me class clown.
#2504
<iRalph> i'm not a cunt
<iRalph> although...
<iRalph> you are what you eat
#140733
<pulse> i remember when i was 16
<pulse> i applied to a dunkin donuts by me, because they were hiring for cashiers
<pulse> 3 weeks later, i hear nothing
<pulse> i go in there after and guess what i see
<pulse> a fucking chick with down syndrome standing at the register being taught by the manager how to use it
<pulse> that made me not want to apply for a job ever again
#7645
<@netzdamon> ok had her over here last nite
<@netzdamon> right after dinner and my ass hole has been bugging me
<@netzdamon> and we were going at it a little while later
<@netzdamon> dumb beach went down and fucking licked a big glob of preperation h
<@netzdamon> i started laughing so hard i almost pissed myself
<@netzdamon> Preperation H Hemorrhoidal Ointment:
<@netzdamon> Goverment Warning: Do not let gf or wife eat your ass with this ointment packed in it. May cause pucking/divorce.
#310208
<kmc> yes Windows 98 installer, please perform a bad blocks scan of your virtual emulated hard drive
<kmc> you have no idea how completely I control your so-called reality
#6927
<MenTaLguY> You know, the trouble with cocaine is that the "...but I didn't inhale" excuse doesn't work
#311479
<CapnBeeb> cripes
<CapnBeeb> my dad is asking how to disable an adblocker
<CapnBeeb> on a fucking XP machine
<CapnBeeb> YOU DON'T
<CapnBeeb> EVER
#31399
<@wangzang> HOLLY SHIST EARTHCQUAKE
<@wangzang> OMFG
<@wangzang> whoa
<@wangzang> holy fucks
<@wangzang> jeseu i'm not kididings
<@wangzang> jesus christ
<@wangzang> omg mog mgoomgmgo
< SteamedHams> it must be shaking the shit out of your keyboard
<@wangzang> omog
#257924
<Orbixx|Work> We just got hold of a workmate's phone as he went out on a break. We composed an SMS to all his contacts reading:
<Orbixx|Work> "I know your secret. Cant talk now. Chat later."
<Orbixx|Work> 3 replies so far.
<Orbixx|Work> He isn't back yet.
<Orbixx|Work> Brace for impact.
#18957
<Randomman> I would'nt be late for work so often if only my cock would go off on fuckin time for once.
*** Randomman has quit IRC (Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.)
#310879
<tomaka> WebAssembly + WebVulkan
<tomaka> wooosh skyrim in the browser
<tzaeru> a browser in webassembly + webvulkan that runs skyrim
<tzaeru> :O
<tomaka> an emulator written in webassembly, that runs a PC, that runs linux, that runs a browser, that runs skyrim
<tzaeru> an emulator in webassembly, that runs particle simulations, that run a bunch of chips laid out to imitate the functionality of modern PCs, that runs linux, that runs windows emulator, that runs a browser, that runs skyrim.
<OmniMancer> an emulator that runs a universe in which people argue over how to run skyrim in a web browser
#66600
Orb: HA YES
Orb: ASIANS IN AMERICA HAVE HIGHEST LIFE EXPECTANCIES
Orb: SUCK IT WHITIES
#3909
<BombScare> i should go buy a skateboard and go sk00l some kids at the park
<BombScare> since im an expert at all 3 tony hawk games, i should have no problem pulling off those tricks in real life
#3995
<Donitz> Sleep! From Blamco! Its kinda like dying - but without the commitment!
#8223
<below> i'm going to kill my roommate.
<Aven> Kill kill kill
<below> he's going to die for this one
<Aven> Wait, I'M YOUR ROOMMATE!
<below> you are?
<below> wtf?!
<below> how many fingers am i holding up?
<Aven> 2
<Aven> But I don't think ones a... oh god.
<below> yes.
* Aven stabs himself in the eye with a pen.
#17679
<azzl> i can getcha a cheap bmw.
<azzl> or mercedes, ya like-a the mercedes?
<azzl> there's just a little scratch on it.
<azzl> where the vin's supposed to be.
<azzl> i wouldn't worry about it.
#310954
<mischa> i was just yelling at oracle world people on the street
<mischa> told them oracle is trash and to get a real DB
<mischa> you heard of postgres? it’s dope, free, scales like a motherfucker, open source and YOU DONT HAVE TO SUCK LARRY ELLISON’S COCK
<mischa> sup bro? you use oracle? it’s no good dude, get a real database
<mischa> one guy seemed really angry i was bothering him, he said he actually works at oracle, looked really grim
#24
<ckx> women ask for it
<ckx> they act all old and mature
<ckx> and then you stick your cock up their ass
<ckx> and they get all bitchy
<ckx> "I"M ONLY 13, I'M ONLY 13!!!"
#11986
<eg0e> I saw the movie Hackers on tv last night and it was pretty impressive. If I had any idea the file manager on a macintosh was a 3D city I would have bought one long ago! Is there a similar file manager for XP that can do that?