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#67390
<eieioh> i completely trashed my vocal cords this weekend while playing a few gigs with my band..i'm not supposed to talk
<eieioh> tonight i was at work and they put me on delivery instead of in the kitchen like i usually do
<eieioh> i made nine deliveries before 8, when we stop delivering..and all but two of the customers called to complain that i was rude and impolite because i didn't say anything
<eieioh> and my boss, whenever someone complains, wants the person who was complained about to apologize to the person complaining
<eieioh> but my boss wouldn't let me because of my voice. but finally i got tired of people calling..so i told him to let me take it
<eieioh> here's what i said to everyone.."sir/ma'am, i apologize for your dissatisfaction but i have esophagal cancer and this job is helping me pay my chemotherapy expenses."
<eieioh> my boss and i were laughing so hard, but it hurt so much to laugh i nearly puked.
<eieioh> one of them came in to give me a tip. :D
#3200
<_ry0suke_> My dad has no nuts
<Deathwinter> Really?
<_ry0suke_> OOPS, I meant my cat
#25556
<%pan-chan^^> i need about 8+ hours of sleep
<+gabu> yes
<+gabu> but you're from australia
<+gabu> you sleep during the day
<+gabu> don't you ?
#40805
<L0ne_W0lf[A]> but I mean, 1% opf 100 is 10 though, right?
<Liero> ....
<Liero> no....
#294955
<fleebailey33> lmao
<fleebailey33> i am repairing a computer
<fleebailey33> i open the dvd drive and i find mature moms volume 18
<fleebailey33> its not a burned copy either
#265
<hypr> i rember in kindergarden the teach took me upsidedown by my ankles and swung me around cause i wasent eating my pees..
<hypr> fucking bitch
#245926
<azn_jesus> also, I think I won at oktobervfest
<azn_jesus> I'm not sure what I won but I have some chick's stockings on my pants
<azn_jesus> scratch that, I seem to be in her car
<azn_jesus> I think she's telling me we're going to my place
<azn_jesus> yup, at my place now
<azn_jesus> passing out now, brb
Comment: #bifemunix EFNet
#23809
<Linds> So how old are you pple
<sh-> i'm 52
<Linkadmin> I'm 12
<Linkadmin> (soon)
<sh-> and we're in love and there's nothing wrong with it
#301975
<GrooveDog> Unfortunately I have the programming knowledge of a walrus.
<GrooveDog> But I'll figure it out, thanks for the help. :)
<bburhans> I happen to have in my possession a very gifted walrus who speaks four natural languages and was computer literate at the age of two months... and walruses live a very long time :)
<GrooveDog> lol.
<GrooveDog> Either way, I have less knowledge of python than a python.
<bburhans> a shame, indeed. My python only knows Perl. But damn, he can do regular expressions nearly as well as the penguin...
Comment: from #supybot on freenode
#7497
<mild7> its always real nice when you step out of bed and step into wetness
#43872
<@kf`ill> I went with a girl to a bar once, she had one boob bigger then the other, there was a breast contest to see who's was the biggest, she took 1st and third place
Comment: #script @ irc.gamesurge.net
#52790
dusty whats the medical term for an asshole?
teh_moth president of the united states
Comment: #Love_and_nature on irc.aau.cx
#77445
* Slettenbak has joined #thelaw
<Slettenbak> Can somebody help me?
<Jasper> Maybe ...
<Slettenbak> What's the legal age for having sex ?
<Jasper> 16
* Slettenbak has quit IRC (Looking for my 17 year old cat.)
#305511
<thelilnevshow> DAAMMN RIGHT PROUD TO BE CANADIAN! im so canadian even my blood cells are red and white !
#43500
(eve`) girls don't fart
(mrsalvado) That is the biggest lie ever.
(mrsalvado) I mean Santa Claus + The Easter Bunny is a smaller lie, together.
(Ravenclaw) THE EASTER BUNNY IS A LIE?!
(Riftwalkr) WTF SPOILERS
(Ravenclaw) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
(Riftwalkr) ASSHOLE
#8135
<Starlet> <--- law student. future lawyer.
<Jerub> <-- computer programmer. future defendant.
#2354
(nexxai) you don't know pain until you try and compile eggdrop on a 486
(nexxai) each line goes by, and you cheer because you weren't sure if it had frozen or not D;
#1556
<@Patilla> hacking is cool
<@Patilla> i saw it done once in a movie
#33360
<eslice> my little brother is failing english
<eslice> does the dumbass want to stay back?
<Blingo`> is this a trick question?
Comment: #GeekIssues on EFNet
#296934
<Indogutsu> Is that that Basshunter song?
<Slime_Master> Yeah
<Indogutsu> ...only in Sweden can a dance rap song about IRC hit #1 on the charts.
#19983
<@Son_Gohan> you are lame, and pwnz is such a fucking gay word
<@Son_Gohan> its even worse then w00t
<Zeph> woot pwnz
#55649
<oohal> Slothearn, start a partition to get him arrested
<archaios> a "partition"?
<archaios> I think you mean petition
<Slothearn> Heh, ext2?
<Slothearn> I propose a reiserfs partition of about 30 GB to get Cheney the death penalty.
#9915
<Jag> I think I'm going to print out the Kama Sutra and label it "TFM" so I can leave it laying around work.
<Jag> Not really, but it would be terribly amusing
<ender> Jag: ROFL!
* ender ponders what the lotus position has to do with X tunneling, but honestly, after reading TFM for a couple minutes, all of a sudden I don't really care about X tunneling....
<Jag> Ahh, here's the section on tunnels... oh my.....
#2910
<Berzerker> like one time i shit on a bench in my school playground
<Berzerker> and like it smelt so bad
<Berzerker> and i covered it with playground gravel
<Berzerker> and like when the cafeteria aid came the next day she cleared it off with her hand
<Berzerker> and like
<Berzerker> poop!
#250456
<Periwinkle> oh man!
<Periwinkle> i just made the best thing
<@stoor> ...
<mikka> what?
<@stoor> hello?
<Periwinkle> oh shit, sorry about that
<Periwinkle> was watching a scary movie on tv and it made me jump so hard i hit myself in the face with my sandwich and got mayonnaise in my eye
<@stoor> hahaha
<mikka> so what did you make?
<Periwinkle> the sandwich