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#14686
<pKx> My car was running without the battery installed.. man, the alternator was spilling amps all over my driveway
<pKx> how do you clean that shit up?
<`72`Monte> lol pkx :>
<spazzer> i usually use a dirty sock
<spazzer> oh
<spazzer> wrong topic
#6150
<Babydog> ew yeah butt hair is horrit
<Akira_S> yeah, so shaving down there's a must
<alisdair> that seems like a lot of work
<Eulogy_> like hell i am going to shave my ass
<Stifler> thats why they get their boyfriends to do it
<Eulogy_> if i can't see it, i ain't putting a razor near it
#17959
<celebrity_nitwit> scrotum
<W0RMW00D> scrotum
<d1rge> damn im hungry
#27251
* StevenK sods off out to the Big Blue Room.
<joshk> Big Blue Room?
<joshk> IBM room?
<StevenK> joshk: Outside, you dork.
#3694
<CrackHoe> I was so drunk last night I could not even jerkoff
<CrackHoe> well I could
<CrackHoe> but I was so drunk I lost interest
#2091
<DMC[mav2]> human/animal hair can be stuffed inside panty hose and used to suck up oil out from an oil spill
<DMC[mav2]> did you faggots know that
#302407
<Dustin> Me: "What can I get for you?"
<Dustin> Customer: "I want a small popcorn, and don�t try to upsell me a medium!"
<Dustin> Me: "Can I interest you in a large then?"
<Dustin> Customer: "I want to speak to your manager."
Comment: #chatspike on irc.chatspike.net
#295371
<Indogutsu> People need to stop using the term "anti-Semitic" already. Not all Semitics are Jews, and not all Jews are Semitics. The word "Semitic" means anyone from the Arabian peninsula (Turkish, Syrians, Israelis, Palestinians, Saudis, Iraqis, Yemenis, etc.) Whereas the European Jews (Ashkenazim and Sephardim) aren't Semitic at all. So a better word for "anti-Jewish" would be "Judophobic."
<Yuri> Fear of Judo!
<Indogutsu> It comes from "Judea," the biblical name for modern-day Israel.
<BurnGriffith> Enough of your semantics, semite. :p
#852
<doraemon`> one of my best friends sells herself for 150 bucks a trick
<doraemon`> she rules
#6571
<felix> eek
<skrike> felix just screamed like a girl
<felix> no, I said "eek"
<skrike> girls say "eek"
<skrike> YOU GIRL
<oat`meal> guys say "oh SHIT, what the FUCK, BITCH"
#8875
<GoodScrat> my gf is twice your age
<db-x> goodscrat, twice is about the time i get her in a week
<GoodScrat> to do what, change your diaper?
#5937
<hypr> i rolled once when i saw oakenfold a year ago he played really gay house and 5 trance songs at the end and my e dident even work
<matts> your e didn't work? did you read the manual
#104
<madog-> my gf bought me a shirt 'Got Root?'
<Erich> madog: now now, no confusing your gf for your mom
#7227
<Prophet_Tenebrae> i am to porn what pot noodle is to snacks.
<Wesley> an insult?
#36525
* LW tries to think of other things to put on order for datacenter equipment
<aykroyd_> LW: two comely lasses of virtue true
#307979
<Ymbirtt> !remind 10m pizza
<Ymbirtt> !remind 12m seriously pizza
<Ymbirtt> !remind 20m small black disk
<Ymbirtt> !remind 1h extinguish fire in kitchen
#296768
< gloone_> how i fucking wish that i would walk by a coughing cop today
< gloone_> and just fucking panic and point and yell "SWINE FLU!!!!!!!!!!!"
< gloone_> (and then get my ass kicked :()
#100874
<rasp> i was catering a “tenant appreciation” event in palo alto yesterday
<rasp> we had these slushie machines, but one broke and spilled everywhere
<rasp> so i went to the main office to ask if they had a hose, but the guy tells me,
<rasp> “no, but i see the google guys across the street using a hose sometimes, you can try asking them”
<rasp> turns out this place was right next to one of google’s offices
<rasp> i walked over to the cafeteria area and asked one of the cooks, be he told me they didn't know where it was
<rasp> as i was walking away, i had a little moment to myself...
<rasp> "wow, i just queryed google irl"
<rasp> "lol"
Comment: error 404: hose not found
#37976
<@Fusion> heh I failed my french project because of freetranslation.com ;/
Comment: #idleland on irc.alternatenet.net
#26269
<GerbilNut> i was so happy last friday... i finally saw a girl with my old roomate... it finally convinced me he wasn't gay
<GerbilNut> she wasn't very attractive... but at least i knew he was straight
<GerbilNut> it would have made those nights we cuddled on the couch alittle awkward
#61023
<LinearA> so my boss emails me this resume for a 10AM interview
<LinearA> within 5 mins I trace the email address to a handle to an adultfriendfinder account.
<LinearA> !! Why can't people be more careful !!
<LinearA> "Need Hot Top To Fill Me UP!!"
#31257
<|StuNNa|> !addpeon Murdoc
<Murdoc> hey
<Murdoc> dont you pee on me
#19002
<p0tat03> How to Score, Chapter 4: Make Sure You Have a Pimpin Suit
<Hyde> How to score, Chapter 5: alcohol is your friend
#22113
<@RickBitch> If you break up with a chick, and u see her and her new boyfriend together some time, go up to the boyfriend and say
<@RickBitch> "Just remember, everytime you kiss those lips, my dicks been there"
#9091
<Nomel> i'll have to bring it over later today...we can go for a ride...
<Nomel> its funny stopping fast in front of people...cause there like..oh shit...its a pinto...its gunna blow....but that only works on old people...
<Nomel> cause the young ones dont know what pintos look like...