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#13386
<J-Zilla> ma$e became a preacher
<DarkSerge> wtf does he preach
<d> you idiot ds
<d> "I'M A PLUMBER"
<d> ds: "WHAT DO U PLUMB?"
#7215
<geekster> mossibly
<geekster> that's most poccibly, but it went thru a horible translation from brain to fingers
<geekster> ARSE!!
#309123
<KsM> Estrellas you're more attractive than a cat
<KsM> I mean that in the best way possible
<Estrellas> that's the nicest thing anybody has ever said to me
#306132
< mike|laptop> osama bin laden was killed before duke nukem forever came out
#6788
<drdink> hey
<drdink> who's good at graphics and logos and crap?
<xanatos> drdink; I'm pretty good at crap (I make my own)
#205799
<@Rjx> I found pictures of a high school ex-girlfriend a few weeks back
<@Rjx> and it looks like a mathematics degree took its toll on her
#309850
<bbitmaster> bah, this is the dumbest thing ever. I broke linux mint over the silliest thing, and I am quite pissed.
<bbitmaster> The bottom panel was too small. I was adjusting it to be more manageable. I accidentally right clicked on the "+" in the dialog that makes it larger.
<bbitmaster> right clicking causes it to go to max size. It now fills the screen and I can't go to any other window or menu or anything. I restarted and it kept that setting.
* 1 hour later
<bbitmaster> I joined the linux mint help channel, the guy there helping me suddenly left
<bbitmaster> he came back and said he was stupid enough to "recreate my problem"
<bbitmaster> and now he's in the same boat
#33982
<J_B_007> if it wernt for bash, id be able to wrok.
<J_B_007> *work
<Neon[UK]> did bash cripple you in some industrial accident?
Comment: #geekissues
#46021
[SewerBeing] masturbation leads to acne didn't you know?
[SavageBasher] which is why I don't anymore...
[Willkill1337] I have a clean face.
[Ryan0rZ] dude
[Ryan0rZ] just point it away
Comment: #oa irc.zirc.org
#3726
<zeepe> swede girls are legendary
<Janus120> can i have one?
<zeepe> well
<zeepe> you have to be young and pretty with a big cock
<Janus120> im 5 inches myself, but im a very good listener
#40211
<laurent> i went to go support a user earlier
<laurent> turns out this hottie in the sales department was having mouse problems
<laurent> and shes talking to me while wearing a veeeery revealing top combo
<laurent> and she goes under her desk to unplug the mouse and turns out shes wearing a thong under those tight pants
<laurent> think unsexy thoughts. think unsexy thoughts. no boner. no boner. uhh lets see if the cidr is /26 that gives me 6 bits to play with which is 64 minus two gives me 62 usable hosts on the subnet
<laurent> *whew* no boner
Comment: Just another day at the office...
#2501
<FuseGirl> life is like a toilet roll, when it's near the end, you panic
#7883
<djrm> Q what is the penalty for exceeding your space quota?
<Alaric> death by pineapple
<djrm> ooo err
#28708
<Fox> monty
<Monty> ibot?
<iBot> Monty?
<Monty> lol
* iBot laughs out loud
Comment: Monty and iBot are bots
#28320
<Carp_AFK> i planned to dye my hair this weekend
<Carp_AFK> till i was told i was supposed to put vaseline all round my forehead, and wear gloves
<Carp_AFK> and theres no way im going to a shop buying some rubber gloves and a tub of vaseline
#7428
<Phuser> my fan club has a member
<Phuser> my member has a fan club
#10976
<Dryzzid{Nap}> So I wonder...do people in France, England, etc. measure their penises in the metric system?
<perianwyr> LET'S LOOK UP SOME UK GAY PORN AND FIND OUT
#37502
< leary> how many people does it take to have an organized religion?
< leary> cause i got an idea
< Systat> 2
< Systat> one to preach and one to beleive the bullshit
#38456
<Random`Inferno> I god a bad unix joke for you
<Nikkou> Aren't they all?
<Random`Inferno> what do you call $cat|tail
<Random`Inferno> a redundancy!
<Nikkou> Half of me is glad I don't get it, the other half wishes I did get it
<Nikkou> I'm a halfling nerd!
<Rarzipace> A nerdling.
Comment: #KeveX on slashnet
#37978
<Nam-Ereh-Won> <NEW-Fox_McCloud> I'm from a universe that parallels yours
<Liquid> A universe without periods.
<Liquid> PARADISE!
<|Cyrus|> For women...
#1023
<timmo> for hookers in vegas its like
<timmo> $500
<timmo> they better be fucking me while im playing quake and shit
#8480
<esthar> man this guy DEFINITELY ripped me off with beer the other night
<esthar> he made me pay the same amount for a six pack that i could get a 12 pack for
<helminthes> you better watch out.. next thing you know he'll wipe out your family and steal your identity
#146700
<Tigerlilley> Well, this isn't a full sex story but it was still pretty embarrasing:
<Tigerlilley> I'd just gotten out of the shower, and walked into the kitchen to grab a drink. Theonly thing in there was milk.
<Tigerlilley> Because I am retarded
<Tigerlilley> I spilt it all over myself
<Tigerlilley> So I'm in my underwear, white stuff all over my chin, neck and chest
<Tigerlilley> and my flatmate walks in
<Tigerlilley> looks at me
<Tigerlilley> and says
<Tigerlilley> "goddamn thats some scary de ja vu"
<Tigerlilley> :(
#15454
[Shinji] my pants are pretty disturbed too!
[Shinji] then again, you'd be pretty disturbed if you spent your life this close to my crotch.
#4351
<Khross> I'M GOING TO REPLACE YOUR LOWFAT MILK WITH SLIGHTLY HIGHER FAT MILK AND EXPOSE YOU TO THE RISK OF FUTURE HEART DISEASE.