Random | Latest | Best | Full Site
#29879
<Javin> God I need to do laundry.
<Javin> At this point, the underwear I wear are the first ones I'm able to catch.
<Doh_> catch?
<Doh_> you mean there mOVING?
<Javin> Not as fast as the socks, but yes.
<Doh_> heh
#298215
<Lucy__> fuck irc.
<Lucy__> i'm uninstalling this bullshit lonely unattractive elitist middle-aged assholes program
#29354
<clay> words with ae looks cool
<clay> they should change them all to that
<clay> masturbaetd
#21752
<GoddIs> i don have that many friends../.:(
<Meditate> awwww
<Meditate> i got 31 on MSN
<Meditate> and 44 on yahoo
#34065
<Vajita> compare zeldas weight to that of mario
<Vajita> zelda is one heavy bitch
#25197
<rogue2> a diablo SV just pulled in to my parking lot
<rogue2> it's michael bolton driving the diablo
<Snow> Did Michael Bolton really just drive a Lamborghini Diablo into your parking lot?
<Snow> That's so absurd it's actually believable.
<Snow> Oh, I have to go. Edward James Olmos just pulled into my drive way in a Panoz Roadster.
#262095
<hypnosis> 1. The human cell contains 75 MB of genetic information
<hypnosis> 2. A sperm 37.5 MB.
<hypnosis> 3. In a milliliter, we have 100 million sperms.
<hypnosis> On average, one ejaculation releases 2.25 ml in 5 seconds.
<hypnosis> Using basic math we can compute the bandwidth of the human male penis as:
<hypnosis> (37.5MB x 100M x 2.25)/5 = (37,500,000 bytes/sperm x 100,000,000 sperm/ml x 2.25 ml) / 5 seconds = 1,687,500,000,000,000 bytes/sec = 1,687.5 TerraBytes/sec
<Jck_true> Sweet
<Jck_true> DoS attack!!!
<hypnosis> a bukkake would probably be a DDoS then
<hypnosis> 11 men would give 17 petabytes/sec
Comment: ##programming on FreeNode
#57445
<ozzybard> i had to get a new hdd today because the old one died on monday. Been so busy it has taken me this long to getting around to proving it
<lightguard> does it have porn on it yet?
<lightguard> i am of firm belief that all new hard drives should come with porn
<lightguard> it saves time, cause it's only going to end up on there later anyway
<ozzybard> that is probably why my old drive died... no porn
<lightguard> it has been conclusively proven that the life of the drive is directly related to the amount of porn on the drive
<lightguard> its like viagra for hardware :D
<Pyah-pyah> The more porn, the higher the chance of the drive crashing and consequently losing all that porn?
<lightguard> no, oddly enough.
<Pyah-pyah> That is odd
<lightguard> porn seems to have an effect on the stability of your system
<lightguard> for optimal running of windows XP, i recommend all Dell PC's be shipped with an additional 120gb drive filled with porn.
#170
[@smcn] like #bearcave. you wouldn't expect it to be a gay channel. YOU WOULD EXPECT IT TO BE A CHANNEL ABOUT BEARS WOULDN'T YOU
#298929
<ehird> erm, presumably two processes have a reason to talk
<ehird> or are you writing "blind date OS"
#298750
<Valtieri> also I advocate the adding of feet/legs to Jesus fish by using silver Sharpie
#294563
<sereni> Protip: If you're in elementary school, and you're reading Euclid's Elements of Geometry, do NOT leave your geometric proofs in plain sight of ANYONE.
<sereni> *teachers marauds over to my seat, notices me writing furiously things that are not the required coursework, looks at pile of papers sitting besides me*
<sereni> "...What does 'A cuts B' mean? What is this about lines and meeting places? What are these diagrams for...?"
<sereni> You see, geometry is a pure science, and it also uses a lot of unambiguous terms. As such, a proof could be applicable in any context.
<sereni> I happened to be sent to the principals office as it seemed my innocent proof could be misread to mean that I was not only going to meet up with another kid, but stab him with a knife, doing so in a very precise way, at angles of approach ranging from 20 to 180 degrees, while moving about in various circular paths.
#33197
<Celeste> hey walra, fucking me, to a man, is what a big bucket of fried chicken is to you
<walra> oooooh
#30608
<God> my car broke
<God> so my dad bought me a 100 dollar geo metro to use until its fixed
<God> 1994
<God> 70,000 miles
<God> runs great
<God> i got hit by an 18 wheeler first day driving it and the guy gave me 300 bux on the spot
<God> hes like "no please i dont want to deal with cops or insurance" "how does 200 sounds" ...."uhhh.." "ok fine 300!"
<God> "i guess that works"
Comment: #xbox, irc.irctoo.net
#38173
* Ozmo thinks half the sound effects in DBZ are done by shoving large stones up the rear ends of the voice actors and then telling them to try to get them out without using their hands...
Comment: #anime-shack
#22130
<tsohgVAIO> bluetooth and wifi arent used for the same things
<netmunky> are too
<netmunky> their both used to send pictures of my penis wirelessly
#307521
<UmlautBanana> do we have a y/n bot in here
<SeriousBot> n
<UmlautBanana> okay
<UmlautBanana> ...wait what
#7804
<Affe> haha my mom just got an email from adultcheck that was supposed to go to my stepdad
<Ouroboros> Busted!
<Affe> she's like "adultcheck? i hate all this spam" and she clicks on it to delete it, and up comes the preview "dear william (my stepdad), on such and such a date you ordered...."
<Affe> haha
<Affe> she's all like "asshole"
#33707
<mkat> :o
<mkat> OMFG
<mkat> WILL THE PEOPLE UPSTAIRS PLEASE EITHER STOP HAVING SEX OR INVITE PLZ
#477
"When you sit with a nice girl for two hours, it seems like two minutes.
When you sit on a hot stove for two minutes, it seems like two hours.
That's relativity."
- Albert Einstein
#311346
<enkie> a drunk rat trying to pushing a lever for a jello shot is a sight to be seen
#51128
<alb2550> All the text on my screen is blurring into dirty limericks and communist propaganda which means i must be really tired.
#30369
<+ienes|kwl> I'm polish
<@Biggs`> that's ok. we all have our problems
#1950
<Kazz> Wait a minute... something about this is a little... odd...
<Kazz> I believe this woman has more than the recommended amount of penises.
<Brentai> My type of woman.
#15193
<jenn> canada is ned flanders to usa's homer simpson.
<slurpee> hahahahahahahah
<slurpee> so true
<slurpee> "hidely-hodely, neighborino!" "shut up, canada."