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#305734
<Sylnai> I once wrote a game for DOS which provided tactile feedback if you had your hand inside the printer
#23802
<Nanobot> I wish I had a girlfriend...
<Nanobot> My only friend is a sock puppet
<Nanobot> Lucky for me though, it has a hole in it
#37225
<HiddenGenius> I think instead of having Joe Millionare they should have "Joe Minor"
<HiddenGenius> they could have like a 16 year old kid that looks a lot older do their show
<HiddenGenius> then they could see how many women have sex with him during the show
<HiddenGenius> and for the big finale, SUPRISE!!! YOURE ALL GOING TO JAIL!
#305281
<RGM79> so yeah, the java instructor thought it was necessary to warn us
<RGM79> because of something that happened years ago for one of his classes
<RGM79> we are told explicitly that we can't write code in MS word
<RGM79> and that he does not grade .doc files
#6058
<Guyver3> ive found, that dreaming that you get shot in the chest, twice, by an assassin that looks like Odo, in the back of car, and
feeling your heart slow down to almost nothing, leaves a really acidic taste in your mouth when you wake up
<a_0001> then don't dream that
<Guyver3> i didnt say that i disliked the acidic taste
#246478
<celeste> that is my least favorite thing in the whole world
<ilanbg> what?
<celeste> that everytime i try to be intimidating or mean you just think it's cute!
<ilanbg> dude, how did you think calling me a "meany butt" could be intimidating or mean
#19550
<count^> i set my double click speed to really slow
<count^> so that
<count^> i can click once now..
<count^> go out, have a cig
<count^> go for a walk
<count^> take a nap
<count^> then come back and click again
<count^> i like to be ready for anything
#3649
<PapaWo|f> any girls care to chat with 17/m/Van/Lamer/zits for days/hideously overweight/naked right at this moment spanking off to animal porn? msg me
#2390
<TasmBoy> hah that farmer joe guy's funny.. he electricuted himself at the age of 8 now he's dumb as shit
<DAL9000> TasmBoy: what did you do to become dumb as shit?
<TasmBoy> I can't remember
<DAL9000> At least he remembers.
<TasmBoy> you got a point there
#13942
<Agent_grey> kei: welcome to the internet, for the unintiated, it is a place of high exageration and fairly little reality, the rest of the net is filled with spam and porn
#310844
<wabewalkr> Oh, I dunno. Ignorance is bliss.
<zompist> then why aren't more people happy?
#280960
Yan: This one time i was at a girlfriend's house
Yan: Spent the night there and everything went well
Yan: It was like 11:30 and we were in her basement and i was tired as hell so i told myself ill nap for like 30 minutes and then leave
Yan: I woke up and it was like 7:30 am. So i wake the girl up, she freaks out and asks why the fuck am i still home. She then tells me to leave and get out quick by the window.
Yan: Great idea except i had this oldschool Datsun 510 track ready that was so fucking loud i couldnt leave with it.
Yan: She wakes her parents up and tells them i slept over and nothing happened bla bla. Her dad comes out of the bedroom.
Yan: This guy is BIG ex military deep voice just plain scary. Looks at me and says "hey come to breakfast with us" i of course just wanna bounce. He insists and says "whats wrong? Had too much desert last night?"
Yan: I don't even know how i left after that.
#308894
* Daemon404 has unlocked the secrets to manually cross-compiling gcc
<Daemon404> canadian even
<Lumpio-> Cross-compiling it to Canadian?
<Lumpio-> whoa
<Kulag> Lumpio-: Basically it just apologises when it segfaults.
<Lumpio-> Does it apologize in both English and French?
<Lumpio-> Also it is available under the french name lclcdlg ?
<Lumpio-> (Le compilatión la compilaieurs de la Gnú)
#27818
<Redback> when i win lotto im gonna buy a dual g5 and not use it just to spite all the mac users that cant afford one
* Redback = bastard
#14524
<Taze> "LEGOLAS PANTS AS HE FILLS YOUR SHAKING LOVE TUNNEL WITH HIS LONG ELVEN ROD"
* Scibert blinks.
<Scibert> "Love tunnel?"
<arenotelicon> yes Sci.
<arenotelicon> this is why porn stories scare me.
<Scibert> Since when did the human body turn into an amusement park ride?
<arenotelicon> we're not sure.
<arenotelicon> sometime after porn was invented.
#309109
<Pryoidain> ....
<Pryoidain> I just fucking got OWNED by a plastic bag
<Pryoidain> So I finished my twizzlers right and I had this 1 gallon plastic bag with a double seal thing
<Pryoidain> so i closed it up real tight and used a straw to inflate it to bursting, then sealed it
<Pryoidain> and i sat it on my desk chair and plopped down on it HARD to try and pop it
<Pryoidain> fucker shot out behind me, I flew forward face to desk, chair went backward, I fell off the desk and slammed my fucking head on the wall, and then the bag fell, still inflated, onto my lap
#15353
<Hvatti> MY CAPS-LOCK IS ON AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE IT OFF.. CAN ANYONE HELP ME???
<[DoD]Xiao> typ capslock button :P
<aegis> Hvatti: hold down shift while writing instead...^^
<Hvatti> hey that shift-thing works thx!!!
<Hvatti> but it*s pretty difficult to write while holding a shift:::
<Lilly-> omg
<Lilly-> Hvatti find "caps lock" key and press it once
<Lilly-> number 3 from bottom left
<Hvatti> where can i find it
<Tiger> hehe :D
<aegis> at the left of your keyboard
<Hvatti> ok thanx::
<Hvatti> YES IT WORKED!!!
<Lilly-> aamm
<aegis> apparently it didn't
<Lilly-> lol
<Hvatti> CAN I NOW RELEASE THE SHIFT?
<aegis> yes
<aegis> you have to release the shift.
<Lilly-> omg how sweet !!
<Hvatti> like this?
* Lilly- faints
<aegis> yep, just like that
#1639
<harb> Shee.. I search for "linux unix bsd" on dice.com and it returns ONE job that's a sendmail admin. wtf.
<acestus> What a sick job.
<acestus> "What do you think you can bring to our company as the sendmail admin?"
<acestus> "qmail."
#300814
<jenna>sometimes i seriously hate my name yknow?
<jenna>like other people are jen or jenny or jennifer, and i'm jenna. with an a. it sounds weird. i hate it i hate it i hate it
<pat>yeah, people pat me on hte head when they leave. and then walk of chucklling, "no pun intended".
<jenna>LOL...not as bad as mine though, i have to say "argh" at the end of my name. jenargh.
<pat>why did mum have to give us shitty names
<jenna>i know eh...
<pat>hm why are we talking over irc when we live in the same house?
<jenna>yeah all this computer shit is getting to our heads. we need some fresh air. what happened to max? who's turn issert for walking him?
<pat>dad's
<jenna>oh
<jenna>well i reckon we should get some fresh air, afk our comps and talk irl
<jenna>but its too much effort getting up and going downstairs and out, farkkkkkk.
<pat>llol im outside on the picnic table with the supposed fresh air, i dont have to go anywhere.
<jenna>fuck you.
#11068
<Zarzig> If i had a cup of liquid nitrogen right now, i would drink it.
<Zarzig> Granted my stomach would solidify and i would die in a matter of seconds...
<Zarzig> but at least my underwear woulden't be so sweaty...
#5660
<Sys> I hate maths. What do you reckon they'll do if I fail it?
<0ut_Lore> you repeat it. fail it AGAIN, and you face the exclusion board. guess what they do? ;P
<Sys> Exclude you from having to do it a third time? :D
#28852
<Mr_Rabies> that is proper
<Mr_Rabies> woot.
<Parak> mrproper?
<Parak> did you make a booboo in your source tree? :/
* Parak stabs self
* technodrone stabs Parak
<Mr_Rabies> oe noes
<Mr_Rabies> parak committed seppuku
* Mr_Rabies bukkake
* Mr_Rabies bukkake
<technodrone> you need like, 20 guys for a real bukkake
<technodrone> and youre just one, small, man
<Mr_Rabies> <technodrone> you need like, 20 guys for a real bukkake
<Mr_Rabies> <technodrone> and youre just one, small, man
<Mr_Rabies> not if you have 20 penises
<Mr_Rabies> all arranged in a circular pattern.
<janitorbob> but do you have 20 prostates
<Temujin> or don't fap for 20 days to save up
<technodrone> penis gatling gun ?
<Mr_Rabies> no they're like
<technodrone> like cow's utter ?
<Mr_Rabies> a bunch of penises... in a WTF WHY AM I EXPLAINING THIS SHIT
<Reptile> i knew i should have just closed irc
<technodrone> it stirrs up chan's interest
* Defenestrator comes back to the channel... and quickly leaves again
#56160
<ddrfreak> 58 points
<ddrfreak> 7 deaths
<ddrfreak> I AM A FUCKIN MACHINE!
<yeats> You killed 7 people during sex?
#304729
ned: wifi on the acela is so fucking gay
ned: i cant load gmail
Rabbi-Work: wow ned
Rabbi-Work: maybe you could say it's "ineffective" or "disfunctional" instead of using gay as a pejorative
ned: wifi on the acela is so fucking dysfunctional
BONUS: im ineffective and disfunctional and take offense to people using ineffective and disfunctional as a pejorative
#32764
<jwz> I am not making this up:
<jwz> "Dear Sir,
<jwz> My name is SAMUEL JACKSON . I am the Family private
<jwz> Secretary/legal adviser to the former President of Liberia
<jwz> Charles Taylor before he was forced out of power and sent on exile in
<jwz> Nigeria."
<jwz> nowhere in this spam do the words "bad mother fucker" appear
<jeriko> a fake!