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#14592
<ElZango> I was introduced to Tolkein by a trio of British social scientists in Peru who also introduced me to Marxism.
<ElZango> They tossed LotR at me and said "it's reactionary, but amusing." I was 11.
<FuzLogic> <ElZango> they let me sleep in the closet when I was good.
#18846
<aphelion> 'GKZKGJ
<aphelion> OMFG
<aphelion> wt
<Flatline-> aphelion just figured out masterbation
#303990
<TheTJ> Have you ever been in a creepy place, like a school at night or an abondoned house, when the lights go out?
<TheTJ> Sometimes you might think you're in a horror movie and about to die/be killed.
<TheTJ> That occasionally happens to me
<TheTJ> My response?
<TheTJ> I sing heavily copyrighted songs so that whatever movie I may or may not be in couldn't afford my death scene
#6501
<chin|werk> its not video games fault that its a lot of fun to kill people
#246997
<Annie> Vagina ^_^
*Annie (~Annie@Annie.Annie) has left #plott
<Golvmopp> o.o
<Golvmopp> A GIRL WAS HERE
<Golvmopp> A GIRL WAS HERE
<Some> What is a girl? :o
<Golvmopp> I read about them in a magazine
<Golvmopp> They are like us, but they like horses.
Comment: #plott on Rizon
#308179
<SkyLurker> my ex had four fleshlights
<SkyLurker> I named two of them and he never used those two again :(
* ZachPrime can't afford one of those atm
<SkyLurker> the mouth one was Hungry Mary
<SkyLurker> and the other one was Gaping Gloria
<SkyLurker> sometimes I would make them perform sex acts on each other
<&ZachPrime> ... why are you telling me this? >.>
<SkyLurker> I have been keeping it to myself all these years...
<SkyLurker> I just couldn't keep it a secret anymore
#4472
<the_Speed_Bump> I have a severe, irrational phobia against midgets with red hair who wear black trenchcoats and sell kitchen cleaners in back alleys behind hotels whose names start with the letter 'U'.
<the_Speed_Bump> Every day is a struggle.
#28781
<Ab0mination> I sleep on a bunk bed yeah, which is only accessbile by a ladder and last night I must've been dreaming or something because I woke up screaming about my ladder being taken off my bed so I couldn't get down
<Ab0mination> And I dreamt that there was a badger sleeping at the end of the bed
<Ab0mination> So in sheer terror I jumped from my bunkbed down onto the floor at 3am.
<Ab0mination> I've now got to go to the vet to get my cat checked out because I landed right on him as he was sleeping on my floor and squashed him. (he's a deaf fuckwit)
<Ab0mination> My parents and sisters are not speaking to me.
<Ab0mination> Because they found me kneeling down beside the limp cat yelling manically at it and waggling my fingers at it like the Borg of Star Trek do.
<Ab0mination> Apparently I was screaming: "I am Locutus of Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile".
#24228
<GodOfHellFire> they banned me from paintball, something about bringing real guns
#943
<SysErr0r> i'm gonna eat a box of chocolate covered strawberries then jerk off
<SysErr0r> hows THAT for romance
<hypr> only romance if you are going to caress your penis with the strawberries
#31925
<Shloom> OMG
<Shloom> FUCK
<Shloom> I just showed this girl my wang on my webcam
<Shloom> But not only did I hear her giggle
<Shloom> but 2 other girls and a man
<Shloom> D:!
<Shloom> FUCK
#2337
<blazemore> kof97, magical drop 3, neo turf masters
<blazemore> couple others
<Brazenhrt> Heh...Magical Drop.
<blazemore> magical drop 3 is great :~)
<Brazenhrt> I didn't say it wasn't.
<blazemore> brazenhrt: i didn't say that you insisted it wasn't.
<Brazenhrt> blazemore: I didn't say that you said that I insisted it wasn't.
<blazemore> brazenhrt: you said that you didn't say it wasn't awesome in response to my saying it was awesome, which thereafter i said i didn't say that you insisted it wasn't.
<Brazenhrt> Oh god.
<Brazenhrt> Never mind.
* PhorceP 's head explodes
#57886
<Una> billions and billions of years from now, when the universe ends in the big crunch, I dont think anythings going to matter anymore
<plantlife> great pun
#302050
<Beanuritos> No way, I'm lazier than any of you.
<zetatech> i was so lazy earlier that while masturbating i just pretended i came
<Beanuritos> ...
<MorkDB> ...
<Beanuritos> respect
#308489
<acenasir> asl angel?
<Tech_Angel> Dude, did you really just use asl?
<IT_Sean> He did.
<IT_Sean> HE MUST BE PUNISHED!
* IT_Sean gets the bullwhip, the mustard, and the geckos
<Tech_Angel> the geckos? you really are serious
<IT_Sean> Yup.
* Tech_Angel leaves Sean to play with acenasir while she gets lunch
* IT_Sean gives acenasir a 10 second head start
<adamaze> run boy
Comment: #spiceworks / freenode
#15744
<kavonr> our new senior unix sysadmin can't change the ip address on a sun
workstation.
#59840
< RichiH> imagine you are a reporter
< RichiH> a tornado hunter in the US
< RichiH> you see a person clinging to a lamppost, trying to survive
< RichiH> you are in a _heavy_ car, and thus totally save even right next to the eye of the thing
< RichiH> so you drive nearer to the scene
< RichiH> you see that the person trying to survive is george w. bush
< RichiH> so now you have two options:
< RichiH> either you save him, having him in debt forever, becoming famous for life and probably getting a large sum from him in return
< RichiH> or you let him die, making the pictures of your life, getting fame and money too, but having a very powerful clan against you for life
< RichiH> so, what do you choose?
< RichiH> video or photo?
#2792
<pupkick> 37?
<devinfo> i heard 37 is any 3 digit multiple of 37, when the digits are cyclicly permutated is still divisible by 37, ie: 37*13 = 481, 148/37 = 4, 37*11 = 407, 740/37 = 20, or oddly enough, this works in other bases too... 0x37 * 0x19 = 0x55F. 0xF55 / 0x37 = 0x47, or you sucked 37 dicks?
#297989
(334): I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
#1380
[josho] man i had a fucked up dream last night
[josho] i think my maid was fondeling me
[josho] i was being spooned by this chick when she started to finger my asshole, and i was like "wtf is this shit, get that outta me, but i couldn't move"
[josho] so then i finally got all grossed out and woke up
[josho] and my asshole felt funny.
(|Chris) you probably fingered your own ass in your sleep
[josho] nah mang, i smelled my fingahs
#55144
<bigwoodthing> ugh what a morning
<bigwoodthing> a co-worker was all excited cuz her mom, dad, and daughter were on the front page of the newspaper
<bigwoodthing> so shes showing everyone in the office, bragging about how cute her baby looks
<bigwoodthing> she finally shows me the paper, and guess what the article theyre in is about
<taylor-made> what?
<bigwoodthing> the poverty that is gripping the area due to several large companies cutting jobs :(
<taylor-made> ...
<bigwoodthing> what the hell are you supposed to say in that situation?
<bigwoodthing> "sorry that your family is in a bad spot financially, but on the bright side your daughter is SOOOOO CUTE!"
#52986
<vect0rx> im so sick of job interviewing.. is there a freenode chan for that?
<Erwin> Would you say job interviews were your greatest weakness? And if you joined that channel, where do you see yourself after 5 years on it?
Comment: ##C@Freenode
#5863
<mp> i am convinced i am a woman
<Oreoboros> mp: Why's that?
<mp> cuz i went to bed bath and beyond for a shower curtain and left with $700 worth of shit
<mp> and i had to go back because i realized after i checked out that i forgot to buy a fucking shower curtain
#16798
<+subzero> =)
<@nebula> ;)
<@wickeD> =)
<Guest62972> :D
<@sony> SHUT THE FUCK UP HAPPY BASTARDS ARR
#46267
<rjamorim> I don't think he was trying to troll.
<rjamorim> He was being genuinely ignorant and clueless.