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#152895
<hekman> i took my son to the zoo on saturday and i had the worst gas...we were looking at the rhinos and he says, "dad, the rhinos are stinky, let's go"
<hekman> and then later he was like, "dad, the zoo is very stinky"
#7128
<Madman> Rodents Of Unusual Size....I don't think they exist
<CrashCat> rodents?
<CrashCat> size?
<Sbot> size is irrelevent. It's a question of methodology.
<Madman> haha
<CrashCat> ...
#16754
<@whistler> on the down side i no longer have a phone
<@whistler> on the up side i have a brand new bong
#28826
<PhoenixUltima> Why the hell do you think people believe in Jesus?
<terra> BECAUSE JESUS EIGHT NINE!
#297574
<Havokroft> \o/
<Panzerwurst> I shall steal your slash keys
<Panzerwurst> so you can't cheer any more
<Havokroft> o
#18452
<Fembot> weight is like a Mississippi marriage -- purely relative.
<Fembot> mass is constant
#305605
<Crispy> Rational behavior: Behavior that can be expressed as a fraction.
#257
<repp0r> Dude, pot first, then porn.
<repp0r> Trust me. It's so much better. :D
<lele> dude i'm doing before AND after
#74366
mistah_j: most fat people are like IT'S MY METABOLISM
mistah_j: it's like no shit it's your metabolism
mistah_j: it can't burn 8000 calories a day you fat fucks
Comment: #rohmacking on espernet
#1948
<JDigital> Straight up, yo!
<Kayma> ...
<JDigital> What? Can't a guy talk about anal sex on IRC any more?
#38349
* tjm returns, having fled the office at 5.25pm with the utmost haste.
<dan> any reason?
<tjm> We have a major internal release tomorrow, and at 5.23pm I discovered that our main character had just turned into a small floating piece of sushi.
#42935
<aeon> you know its going to be a bad day when a lesbian calls you at 2 in the afternoon, thinking she's pregnant
Comment: #adium on Freenode.
#18379
<pb2x> not like I know anything
<Fembot> first rational thing he's typed in a while.
#21448
<|Wolf|> what's the new catch phrase for teenage girls these days?
<NecroErotica> "I spit"
#10075
<Vic> You there X?
<X> no
<X> fuck
#304456
< Thaff> my trimmer says "Household use ONLY" on it
< Thaff> does that mean it is illegal to shave farm animals
< draco> not if theyre in your house
< Thaff> touche sir
#95780
<Apollo> my girlfriend just walked in on me masturbating to goatse =/
<Trinexx> And you wonder why she cheated on you...
<Apollo> ...how the hell do you know about that?
#30933
<jp-minip[hw]> pm me with romantic christmas gift ideas for ur girlfriend, dont pm me unless u have one ty ;) [/amsg]
<jp-minip[hw]> omg fking fags forget it, goatse.cx cookies are NOT romantic
#301628
<pnbeast> How do you feel about neural networks, HappyHobo?
<HappyHobo> Is that like Amway?
<pnbeast> It's almost exactly not like Amway, HappyHobo.
#310959
<%n473> so I migrated our first client site to our new cloud environment yesterday
<%n473> and literally the very first browsing log we got
<%n473> on our first site
<%n473> first cloud-active client
<%n473> was a pornhub search for "big ass blonde lesbian milfs"
#20155
<@kitten> oh
<@kitten> mmy
<@kitten> god
<@harb> ?
<@kitten> quarter-sized
<@kitten> spider
<@kitten> it's dead
<@harb> Good for you.
<@harb> You're one step closer to not being a fucking pussy.
<@kitten> I hosed it down with the Pine Sol, and shot it with the BB gun.
<@harb> Nevermind.
#23226
<Sephy> this booger is colored weird
<Sephy> and it won't leave my finger
<Sephy> now it's on the q key
<Sephy> qqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqq
<Sephy> die booger die
#8102
<glome> Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?!
<content> glome stole the cookie from the cookie jar!
<glome> Who me?!
<content> Yes you!
<glome> Couldn't be!
<content> Then WHO?!!
<glome> Woody stole the cookie from the cookie jar!
*** glome has been kicked by DrWoody (fuck you i didn't touch the motherfucking cookie, bitch)
#16040
<Josho> i HATE
<Josho> the beastie boys.
<Amanda_> Their talent is INTERGALACTIC
<Amanda_> Saying you hate them is a form of SABOTAGE
<Amanda_> GIRLS are always huge fans
<Josho> ....................................................
<Amanda_> Looks like you need some BRASS MONKEY
#41472
<nightjade> I actually had a constant 6.66KBPS download once. It never changed, I was scared shitless.