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#50343
<polpotpie> Guy came into the photo store today to pick up a roll we had developed.
<polpotpie> He goes, “I have no idea what’s on this roll.”
<polpotpie> I said with a smile, “Sir, sometimes those can be the best ones!”
<polpotpie> He replies, “My son was killed in a car crash 2 weeks ago and this roll was in his car.”
<polpotpie> C’est la vie.
#295487
<gutupio> My dog has figured out you open the door by turning the handle.
<gutupio> He's trying to open the door now.
<gutupio> I'm afraid his ancestors might be raptors.
#2368
<BLOODHat> Nakago: I got Civ3 to work
<Nakago> good.. I'm about to burn mine
<Nakago> its so fun when every fucking race in the game declares war against you at the same time
<Dr_Tofu> nakago: now you see what afghanistan feels like :P
#300849
<MunInFull> So I've got an mp3 of Biggie's Mesmerize as my ringtone? I was at a bodega buying tamales this morning, it went off, and this little cholo thug just started dancing in line, told me to keep that bitch waiting because this was a good song. Afterwards, we fistbumped. I felt ethnic.
#1289
<Wazm> I spent the entire day being normal, now that I'm home, I just want to duct tape fuzzy green pipe cleaners to my head, turn on the strobe, take off my clothes, and IRC.
#310028
<Natrist> what do i do already if i want my variable to be defined once and not get millions of redefiniton errors?
<jrslepak> define it only once
#14509
<Joe> Who invented l33t-speak?
<Evil_Lawn_Gnome> Joe, I did.
<milencho880> i invented it
<Joe> Really? Good. I always wanted to meet the world's biggest fucking idiots.
#33990
<orion> i HATE
<orion> the beastie boys.
<Amanda_> Their talent is INTERGALACTIC
<Amanda_> Saying you hate them is a form of SABOTAGE
<Amanda_> GIRLS are always huge fans
<orion> ....................................................
<Amanda_> Looks like you need some BRASS MONKEY
#31163
<Will> O_O i keep my output of stupid questions in complete equilibrium with smart questions.
<nomad> so, you won't ask questions at all?
#10714
<Joe_> <DarkVeng> if you wanna just be a yesman, there are thousands of jobs in corporate amercia that have better hours and better pay for less work <-- where are they?
<Technogeek> Enron.
#2381
<Spyre-> the beers just sit there, silently staring, and mocking the mistakes my animal mind makes sometimes
#4202
<kr0ss> some idiot on the radio said dildos are banned in alabama
<X-Spectre> dildos proably were banned like a hundred years ago with some dumb law and they haven't changed it yet
<CiXeL> cant ban broomstick handles
#48300
<tumnus> i just set my clock the easiest way ever
<tumnus> i waited until it was midnight then i plugged it in and left it
#11794
<Kimmay> yeah but these are real ppl: they took me (for free) form an XT to a 386, from a 2400 to a 14.4 from a CGA to an EGA and from DOS 2.1 to 5.0 ALL FREE
<medic> and do these "real" people still use a UNIVAC?
<Kimmay> whats that?
<medic> your next upgrade.
#2738
<ckx> xmas was fun back before i was blessed with pubes and still had hopes and dreams and such
#20502
<Riku> One time, there was an American, an Irishmen (I think), and a Polish guy who just robbed a bank and were hiding out in a barn.
<Riku> But then they heard the cops come, so the american hid behind a cow, the irish guy hid behind a pig, and the polish guy hid behind a sack of potatoes
<Riku> So when the cops came in, they shined the flashlight on the cow
<Riku> so the american guy went "moooo"
<Riku> then they shined it on the pig, and the irish guy when "oink oink"
<Riku> Then, they shined it on the sack of potatoes
<Riku> And the polish guy went, "Potato"
#14862
<_Peachy> i soooo need a t0mp00ter
<theraven> a what?
<_Peachy> a t0mp00ter sirry!
<theraven> i get you now
#26210
* Spike states that his wifey is having contractions about 15 min apart. so I need some fathers day presents.
<Pseudonym> You should be at the hospital instead of on IRC ¬¬
<Spike> well, we are waiting to go to the hospital till we get contractions 5 min apart
<Pseudonym> Ah
<Pseudonym> Sounds painful
<Pseudonym> <spike> QUICK LET ME TELL IRC ABOUT IT%@%#$^@#$#
* schmiddy` thinks of Spike and adds a new entry to "You might be an IRC addict if.
#16133
<MassMedia> It's disturbing how many people in here know what the word bukkake means...
#30033
<Backslash> So a friend of mind comes over to my house and stays the night
<Backslash> Now there is a computer and t.v. in my room so naturally she spent most of the day in there and since I only have once chair in it she sat on my bed
<Backslash> Well at like 4am she fell asleep on it while I was on the computer and I didn’t have the heart to wake her up so I slept on the couch downstairs
<Backslash> Like a month later I’m over at her house with a bunch of her friends and since there was no where to sleep I slept on the couch again
<Backslash> The next morning during breakfast one of her friends says you look tired
<Backslash> and I was like yeah I didn’t sleep great I’m kinda used to my bed
<Backslash> then my friend goes yeah your bed is awesome!
<Backslash> I froze and glanced over at her parents who gave me the most evil look I have ever seen…
#28859
<Insomniak> Did anyone else get a boner from watching The Lion King?
<Insomniak> that girl lion was suck a cock tease
Comment: One of many easter eggs from the ZDaemon launcher
#15
<emufreak> I HATE CHANNEL TOPICS
<emufreak> WHY MUST THEY EXIST
<emufreak> AND WHY DO I STILL CLICK THEM WHEN THEY END IN .JPG
#1600
<Prae> <mmp> Prae! Today its my birthday!
<Prae> <Prae> wanna present?
<Prae> <mmp> yes
<Prae> I’m ping flooding him
#1731
<outcaste> When I was single, I used super sensitive condoms.
<outcaste> They were so sensitive that they'd stick around and talk to the chiq
for an hour after I'd gone
#120
<DigDug> warez > sex
<kisama> it is true.
<kisama> i'd rather watch a progress bar than have sex.