Random | Latest | Best | Full Site
#299953
bubbal: Why would you want to stay married to someone who doesn't want to be married to you?
overbored454: because you just can't turn love off like a car engine?
FlyingUndeadSheep: but you can handbrake-turn it sideways into a wall.
#60519
<dekkon> i just got gas for $2.58
<Rjx> he bought mexican food
Comment: #geekissues
#4256
<OpsuPup> i was driving along one day, saw a bmw and thought, that's an ugly bmw, then i realised it was a merc, then i thought, hmm, nice looking merc
#83969
<Karg> I had a buddy once who thought it'd be real cool to huff glue.
<Karg> He was standing like in the middle of our group and he's like "hey guys, check this shit!"
<Karg> So he gets this glue.
<Karg> On the first huff he squeezes the bottle and ends up gluing his nose shut.
<Karg> Funniest hospital visit ever.
#11690
<Temujin> What class are phoenixes?
<Lewk> Water pokemon
<Temujin> We made up a pokémon today at school.
<Temujin> It's called the "Mexican".
<Temujin> It shoots dirty food and water at you.
<Temujin> And it's special skill is making 15,000 babies and stealing jobs away from people
<Nighters> Temujin you racist bugger.
<Temujin> "Mexican, I choose you! CROSS THE BORDER ATTACK!"
#13193
<XwinGs> can i find any mensa iq test on the net ?
<Ntruder> part of the test is finding the test. good luck.
<XwinGs> oic
#310173
<ais523> then running repeatedly until you get the right sequence of random numbers
<ais523> and just completely ignoring the input
<cpressey> some people live their entire lives this way, i reckon
#28862
<davidc> langdon you should have your .net app access a php web service that instantiates the class and returns the game in xml format!!
#105808
<Foal> When I was younger (about 7 or 8), me and a neighbor kid had a game that we called "Danger Butt". Basically it involved us going out into some woods near where we lived, taking our pants off, and putting things, you guessed it, in our butts
#297802
<John> i would really appreciate it if you would stop IMing my girlfriend.
<DevXen> i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
#8866
<Rance> so... i'm driving to cedar rapids today
<Rance> and i'm feeling a little frisky...
<Rance> so i start cranking one off in the car
<Rance> and it's really kind of funny when you... achieve your objective, and you wind up laying on the horn... and it's blaring for like 1/4 mile
<Rance> so now the next time i hear someone going down the road with their horn going for no reason... i'll know
#8165
<Kash> I have a large bulge in my pants.
*** Kash was kicked by Kiler (let the gerbil out)
#59146
<madman> Perhaps I'm a bit racist.
<madman> This Mexican guy called saying he was interested in the car I was selling, so I give him the directions to my house.
<madman> I see him pull up in his truck, and so I go outside to greet him, guess what I say?
<madman> "Hey Pedro!"
<madman> I'm about to apologize when he says, "How'd you know my name? I didn't even tell you!"
<madman> Talk about lucky.
#38310
<@Zibro> [13:03] <Roommate> "1,100 registered sexual predators in the county.
<@Zibro> that made me think
<@Zibro> of an idea for a movie!
<@Zibro> ILLEGAL ALIEN VS SEXUAL PREDATOR
#143423
*** dawg88 has joined #medical
(dawg88) hi, are all people in this channel doctors?
(+Reggae) yup.
(dawg88) i just wanna know how the possibility of a father to inherit a sickle cell anaemia gene to his son???
(+Reggae) humm, does his son has a sister?
(dawg88) yeah
(+Reggae) is she hot?!
(dawg88) fuck you
#782
<MadHatter> I just got this spam:
<MadHatter> READY TO BREAK YOUR
<MadHatter> NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS??
<MadHatter> "I'm not gonna look at HARDCORE PORN anymore."
<MadHatter> "I won't GAMBLE ONLINE anymore."
<MadHatter> "I'm gonna JUST SAY NO."
#160001
[while uploading videos to YouTube]
<urbex> took over two hours?
<myself> yep. Woohoo, comcast?
<myself> well, it failed the first time, got a "connection timed out" after about 80% of it was up...
<myself> so I had to start again, because 1986 called and took their zmodem crash recovery protocol back
#294592
(@Zigkirby) I mean, could you explain it to me?
(@Polly) I could but I feel I'd be wasting valuable typing energy. I can only type so many characters per day and when I start getting close to the limit i hv to strt lving out lttrs so i dn rn out
(@Jaq) You're having irregular vowel movements
(@Jaq) Perhaps you've caught what I have
#23691
< pete> i no how viscous chicks can get
#16012
-Stevie-O- from what I hear, the average WebTV user makes it look like the average AOLer belongs in MIT
#54060
DarkSnake > if you have sex for several years would that qualify you as a sexologist?
chsh > I had my sexologist license for a bit, but it was revoked. :S
DarkSnake > quit practicing huh
chsh > I do however have a double doctorate in Ballgrabbery and Advanced Masturbatory Studies
Comment: irc.unerror.com #lobby
#11111
(Pixie_Pete): Care to join me in a little sven co-op?
* ssmmdd fires up Sven
(Dogsdinner): That's quite possibly the most homoerotic thing ever said in #TPNGC.
#31093
<bil`> everytime i go into my closet i have to stand on my bed
<KArmA-> I figured you just stayed in the closet all the time
#11628
<dJOEk> okay, now seriously for a moment
<dJOEk> a dear friend of mine needs to break up with this girl
<\slick> punch her in the face and play sir mix-a-lot
<Crow> slicks solution to every problem.. 100 percent success rate
#6965
<glasnost> kkf: we should get married, so you can be kkk.
<kkf> hmm... wow, another reason not to marry you :)
<glasnost> ouch, that backfired