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#52748
<jesterlo1> So back in the day of the modem, when porn was limited to pictures only, I used to go to lots of thumbnail galleries and save the pictures to a folder that I would use a slideshow on afterwards.
<jesterlo1> The great thing about a slideshow is that pressing any key makes it disappear, good for the uninvited guest, know what I mean?
<jesterlo1> Well it turned out that uninvited guest was my father and I was in the middle of a "session" so I quickly press escape and ask him whats up.
<jesterlo1> He looks at me, looks at the screen, I look at the screen, say, "uhhhhhhhhhh", then he mutters something about if there was any email for him and leaves quickly.
<jesterlo1> FUCKING INTERNET EXPLORER HAS "SET AS BACKGROUND" NEXT TO "SAVE IMAGE"
<jesterlo1> And said pic was a huge cock spraying all over this girls face.
<jesterlo1> But because of the dimensions of the pic, all you could see was a huge cock spraying as my background.
<jesterlo1> And that my friends, is why I use Firefox.
#237754
<Technocactus> So me and Will are walking down the street
<Technocactus> And we see some German chicks chilling
<Technocactus> Will knows a bit of German, so he agrees to give me some lines to say
<Technocactus> Meant to be shit like "You're looking good"
<Technocactus> Fucker got me to say in German "I'd marry any of you except the fat one"
<Technocactus> So now I got this handprint on my face where the fat girl slapped me :\
#4511
<OutLore> as a matter of fact, i'm jacking off right now.
<Synoptica> keep it in your pants
<OutLore> my hand or my penis?
<Synoptica> just shut it
<OutLore> shutting up
#15926
<@harb> Hah. So the only food I've got is a fortune cookie, and the fortune reads "May you have a good appetite." Bastards.
#3581
<Slant> In the process of arguing for chinese food
<Slant> I appear to have slipped my guilt in .. err .. inability to cook food.
<Slant> If it reaches the complexity of boiling water, I don't have the attention span.
<Slant> As such, we have had a few vict.. err .. accidents around the house.
<Slant> So it looks like I'll be eating ramen tonight. Worse, I'll be eating it carefully monitored.
#14860
[01:03am] ·ct· last night
[01:03am] ·ct· my girlfriend walks out of the room to goto the bathroom
[01:03am] ·ct· and she walks back in
[01:03am] ·ct· and i start feeling her tits
[01:03am] ·ct· and she turns on the light
[01:03am] ·ct· and its not even her, its my mom
[01:03am] •Necro• ...
#208710
<mindjob> im not talking about going to dinner with her and sharing a lovely conversation over tea
<mindjob> i'm talking about banging the living crap out of her
<mindjob> and making her asshole the size of a soup can
<mindjob> and then sending her away
<mindjob> far far away
<zaim> what kind of soup
<mindjob> chicken noodle
<mindjob> of course
<zaim> wise choice
#4376
<Petr> I was at work and I drove by a group of Amish people in an electric cart full of computer equipment. I've never been given such an evil eye by so many people at once before.
#6353
<Eurotik> MSN is fucked up
<Eurotik> I can't even get on IE
#29450
<ncik> i just found £10 in my pocket
<ncik> that's handy
<LERCH> i love it when that happens
<LERCH> especialy when its not my trousers i am wearing
<Chris[ni]> i found somthing in my trousers
<Chris[ni]> considerably larger than £10
* LERCH ignors chris's last comment
<Chris[ni]> it was my wallet
#303386
<jer> on a side note, love the new iphone headset -- they don't tangle as easily
<jer> s/headset/earbuds\/whatever/
<erica> earbuds == evil evil evil
<jer> erica, three evils? thought just two?
<erica> Left ear, right, sinuses
<atomicbird> if the earbuds hurt your sinuses, you're probably using them wrong
#69532
<clifgriffin> Women idolize a level of beauty only achievable through Photoshop.
#1607
<kidjess> If you cause me problems
<tress> u will bust a cap in me ?
<kidjess> I will chop your penis off
<tress> oh my
<kidjess> and mail it to bob
<tress> oh oh oh my
<loser`> the postage on that would be like, 2 cents
#153537
<nyschashi> so I'm reading this george bush hentai manga
<nyschashi> it's pretty great
<nyschashi> Bush and Saddam make peace after they gang bang some random girl
<nyschashi> ;/
<nyschashi> the girl then randomly dropkicks Kim Jong-Il
<nyschashi> I'm skipping through about 30 pages at a time, but it looks like george bush randomly turns into a tentacle demon and rapes a bunch of people
#3995
<Donitz> Sleep! From Blamco! Its kinda like dying - but without the commitment!
#7524
<yunicus> sometimes i can't deal with you people in text format
#25460
<cevik> I've certainly met quite a few more violent christians ("lets go kill us some fags") than violent gays ("lets go break into someones house and decorate it!").
#29110
<Bruce> You know the mile high club?
<Sheila> what about it?
<Bruce> Can you join it on your own?
<Sheila> you sad, sad little man
#731
<reptile-> My friend and I took a bunch of fucked up CDs
<reptile-> and labeled them with various things
<reptile-> like
<reptile-> "PRE-TEEN SEX"
<reptile-> "GAY PORN"
<reptile-> "RAPED AND IMPREGNATED TEENS"
<reptile-> etc, etc.
<reptile-> and like stuck the "PRE-TEEN SEX" one in the window of the kindergarten.
<reptile-> and stuck one that said "CHILD SEX" under the bigtoy at primary school
<reptile-> I wish I could have seen the reactions from the people that found the CDs. :|
#15572
<@:s4t4n> #christian can't join channel (channel is full)
<@:s4t4n> guess no one else is gettin into heaven!
#53283
* mademoiselle has quit IRC (Quit: boyfriend's horny, brb)
Comment: #megatokyo on Aniverse
#11686
<Hydrac7> Bukkake!
<Clockwork> hahaha
<Clockwork> BUKKAKE
<Alice`> I don't know why people giggle so much when someone mentions bukkake, let me tell you there's nothing funny about the manseed of 182 guys dripping down your face.
<Alice`> Well you might giggle a bit afterwards, but you don't mean it really.
<pot-shot> yeah you giggle, its like anxiety laughter, because oh fuck you are alive, for the fucking love of god you are alive, and it tastes like rice pudding, delicoius perfect rice pudding and there is literally gallons of it around you
#11350
<davis> you're site reminds me of a commercial
<MyBodyIs4Sale> which commercial?
<davis> the one where the girl dumps the guy because of his lack of substance on his web page
#9955
<BiT`> I mastered most of ChanServ's basic commands in just two weeks
#62378
<AlmtyBob> motherfucker
<AlmtyBob> IRISH PEOPLE WERE MADE ONLY TO FUCK WITH SQL DATABASE
<AlmtyBob> GODDAMNED SINGLE QUOTES IN THEIR FUCKING...