Random | Latest | Best | Full Site
#303649
<Camille> I love my new job
<+ericc> where d'you work?
<Camille> it's a small coffee shop. doesn't pay much, but nearly everyone there is a gamer or irc'er.
<+ericc> nice
<Camille> yeah, we got busy around 1pm and it was loud cos of people chatting
<Camille> so one of the guys there shouted out "now I know how those marines feel when I hit them with a zerg rush"
<+ericc> hahaha awesome
<Camille> the manager heard him and frowned, I thought he was gonna yell at him for talking like that in front of customers
<Camille> and he just replied "man the bunkers and bring out the siege tanks!"
#6096
<#seattle/sisSoul> navy guys are fat ugly and squatty
<#seattle/yoplait> girls just like the title 'able seaman'
#46518
<mary_christine> is anyone else depressed today?
<James> NOT IF YOU ARE HAHAHA
#5301
<blazemore> LITTLETON, Colo. - Colorado officials plan to try a 15-year-old boy as an adult for allegedly offering a Sony PlayStation to have his aunt killed.
<FlipTopBx> is it modded?
#15176
[Swifty] its unfortunate because whenever she's explaining trigonometry or whatever, im usually trying to hide my brute of an erection
#307840
<@X-LP> woowee i think i have a fever
<Jigsy> Is it Bieber fever?
<Jigsy> 'cause that can be pretty fatal.
* Jigsy loads the gun.
#2497
<PurplHaze> marriage doesn't mean you own me
<CaptCavmn> no, just the genitals
#30489
<Choco> If someone built me a new computer, I'd love them forever. o_o
<Choco> You know. With all that frolicking through dasies and stuff.
<InsaneKittyKat> in slow motion?
#20062
(note! i know the last one i sent you guys was just a copy of what you already had but this one is halarious)
<draito5> 35
<35man> yeah?
<draito5> last night i she dumped me
<draito5> SHE DUMPED ME MAN!!
<35man> Who? Claire?!
<draito5> yea
<35man> Hey listen, I'm really sorry about that, how you holding up?
<draito5> not good bro i nearly killed myself
<35man> awww come on, it can't be that bad.
<draito5> no seriously!!! i was sitting in the bathroom and i
took my razorblade and i was just shaving when i thought, whats the use
and then i seriously started thinking about it
<35man> wow. holy shit. did you end up doin it?
#300771
[Marcus] : So I'm filling out an injury report for one of our stunt men...
[Greta] : Oh no what happened?
[Marcus] : He busted his nose in a stunt no big deal it happens. But the answers for the questions on the forms...
[Marcus] : How did the employee injure himself: his head was getting pushed into a toilet.
[Marcus] : Would this be a common work place injury: yes
[Marcus] : Statement made by employee: it's ok john, next week I get to hit you with a car
#5345
<Ramen> When my penis grows in size at the site of a naked male, then I'll believe I'm gay.
#7952
<ZangTT> it's like a massive 300 story zombie john maynard keynes is wandering through california, tearing down buildings and breathing fire.
#13398
(drifter) I broke my rioport player
(jafo) how?
(drifter) but I'm just gonna take it back to the store and get it replaced
(jafo) trying to upload mpegs to it?
(drifter) plugged in the power source to the earphone jack.
(drifter) cos the power source looks like it goes there.
#304488
<octdave> i need to poop and eat
<octdave> ever ate a sandwich while pooping?
<octdave> I might try that, to save time
<officer_falcon> save even more time, just throw the sandwhich into the toilet
<officer_falcon> take out the middle man
#43804
<psych> Worrying sucks.
<psych> Let's start a crusade against worrying!
<smm> I agree
<psych> But what would we do if it all went horribly wrong?
<psych> ...ah crap.
#34250
XtBA: oh yea and my moms wants u to ask ur pops if he can drive us to air plane thing
XtBA: holy shit i forgot the name
XtBA: oh yea... airport
Jiggy: ....wow
XtBA: haha i was thinking bout plane station
#306129
<HunterX11> and apparently amazon.com sells sex toys
<HunterX11> including "used and new" prices
#298784
<Triented> Let's make a movie that's the same feel of Oceans 11.
<Triented> Except instead of us breaking into a casino to steal cash...
<Triented> We'll break into Dynamix's abandoned office building to steal the Starsiege Tribes Source Code.
Comment: TRIBES FOREVER
#3575
<jstepka> perl is the kryptonite of the computer science world
<pagan> if stepka looks at it his penis shrivles up
<pagan> and he gets weak
<pagan> =)
<jstepka> hell yeah
#6007
<Milp> i've licked astroglide out of all sorts of orafices.. its not tasteless
#300835
<Pryoidain> It's bad when I'm watching a porno and I suddenly realize "Hey, I know this song. It was in that other porno."
#50455
<wrmachine> Your search - sluts! did not return any results.
<wrmachine> screw it, google video sucks.
#54224
<EFX> I saw a black guy with a shirt on the other day that said " keep staring, maybe I'll steal your car "
#6052
<fo0bar> I once has a (poor attempt) at a pr0n site, and was working with iBill on a support issue, and this young woman on the other end asks for what the site is so she can test it and I say "uhh, www.pussy4less.com" -- didn't even phase her
#1932
* Fry plays with his dead baby hand puppets.
<Fry> "I'm Dead."..."Me Too"