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#80965
<Eidolon> one time
<Eidolon> someone asked me
<Eidolon> if you traveled back in time
<Eidolon> and masturbated your past self
<Eidolon> is that gay?
<PizzaBoy> now the question is, if you COULD go back in time, would you masturbate yourself? >_>
<PizzaBoy> and the BEST answer to that would be 'Only if my future self already did it to me'
#309511
<Cactus> wat.
<Cactus> I..... don't know why this exists.
<Cactus> it's one of those sites put together by a bot, but it doesn't have ads or anything
<Tec> Za?
<Cactus> but it's like
<Cactus> porn mad libs
<Tec> ...Huh.
<Cactus> it's hilarious and depressing
<Cactus> and bewildering
<Tec> Yeah, I could see that.
<Cactus> "Tina struggled luxuriously as she felt the woman's breast girls photo gallery reverberate off her physics absently struggle unbelivebly her side."
<Cactus> maybe it's supposed to distribute malware or something?
<Tec> "Reverberate off her physics absently" sounds like a line from a particularly saucy science slashfic.
<Cactus> "I sodomized a breast girls photo gallery of handlers to say me, cheating two erroneous spasm suns i had filmed from a concentration order company."
<Cactus> two erroneous spasm suns.
<Tec> I think horse_ebooks has a serious competitor now.
<Cactus> "She told him how eerie his apprehension tasted, and how temporarily she wanted it inside her. "
<Cactus> ouch.
<Cactus> it's basically horse_ebooks, but porn.
<Tec> Apprehension has among the eerier tastes.
Comment: Nightstar
#8087
<Aussiedog> guess what?? i actually get a cd in my eye just now
<Iceman> how?
<Aussiedog> i am chewing a cd
<Aussiedog> and iput it in my hand and it flicked into my eye
<Iceman> Aussiedog: you know cd tops are toxic? :P
<Aussiedog> HOLY SHIT
<Aussiedog> ok i spat is otu
<Aussiedog> how toxic?
<Aussiedog> coz my mouth is burning a little
#28957
<Hatter> I'm gonna try routing the ds3 and 3 t-1 lines through a single cisco 3640
<Hatter> I hope it works ok
<yelworc> holy crap
<yelworc> who could possibly need that much porn?
<splice> hah
<splice> see, hatter jerks off multiple dicks in addition to his own
#27954
<WiLLSTiFF> I just have a small problem..
<[Piratez]> is that wut the ladies tell u
#30248
<Bruce_MacCulloch> ever hear the saying "if you cant say something nice, dont say anything"? well, I have a corollary to that - it goes "if you cant say something meaningful, go away or be quiet"
#105688
<QBeep> Reminds me of one of my fevorite moments...
<QBeep> I've just finished changing a tire that went flat on the way to delivering a pizza. I'm covered in mud, grease, and black tire grime.
<QBeep> My right hand is bleeding, my face is smudged.
<chillin_work> attractive
<QBeep> I'm standing on this customer's porch, with a pizza that was ordered from the Pizza Hut web site. The customer opens the door, and what falls out of my mouth is,
<QBeep> "Hi, ma'am, I'm from the Internet"...
#309152
TheEnd. : I hate my job, too boring.
JimmyKillsAlot : I hated my last job
JimmyKillsAlot : I worked for this call center for the board of education
JimmyKillsAlot : we managed servers and helped teachers all over the state
JimmyKillsAlot : like teaching approved sites and keeping them certified
TheEnd. : Sounds boring.
JimmyKillsAlot : it was
JimmyKillsAlot : and always buggy, people couldn't register and had to call us
JimmyKillsAlot : and when we made the account the username was based off of first name, last name, and a random number
JimmyKillsAlot : one day this woman calls and we go through the motions to make her an account
JimmyKillsAlot : when the info pops up
JimmyKillsAlot : I had to keep a straight face as I told Irene that her username was IMaho247
JimmyKillsAlot : my boss had to put the lines on hold for 5 min until the laughing stopped
#304603
<Chroder> sometimes i touch the screen and then click on the mouse at the same time and pretend like its a touch screen.
#12303
<baldurk> btw, happy independance day!!
<baldurk> although in england we call it thanksgiving day
#302146
ec> I thought you were bringing your lazy butt to work today
kj> yeah i changed my mind
ec> what are we going to do with all this "Welcome Back!" cake
kj> depends whether you want to keep the stripper inside alive or not
#34055
<J3anyus> just cause i watch anime and listen to britney spears doesn't mean i want a big wang in my ass
#33911
<@Neon[UK]> <=D
<@Rjx> penis flower?
<@Neon[UK]> happy hat >:|
#4054
<conio> 99% of all americans SUCK
<poon> conio: i guess that leaves Monica Lewinsky in the remaining 1% that blows?
#54839
<karaipantsu> augh
<karaipantsu> I've been up since 3 in the morning today, and needed some something to keep me awake, ya?
<karaipantsu> So I go to the coffee room, and I'm like, "Oh hey, a big bowl of sugar", and dumped a bunch in my mouth.
<karaipantsu> Non-dairy creamer. D:
#7996
<@mewse> contrary to popular belief there are periods where i dont feel like drinking
<@mewse> these periods, i call "hangovers"
#3828
<Sylffor> I prefer "blood-engorged mayonaisse cannon" or "yogurt slinger"
<nitrifik_> ok. Sylffor knows too many colorful synonyms for 'dick'.
* Sylffor is a homosexual, remember?
<nitrifik_> you being gay is fine.
<nitrifik_> I draw the line at "blood-engorged mayonaisse cannon".
#85808
<DaveLegg> police van just stopped outside for a minute lol
* DaveLegg closed utorrent
Comment: irc.kick-ban.me.uk #kick-ban
#77615
<darknation> wtf is the point in storing quotes?
<boris_> darknation: it's like taking a photo in real life :P
<darknation> I wouldn't want photos of retards
#20780
« turkey » when a baby matures to age 16 (well, thats when it happened for me), it grows testicles, large frogs in its throat, and hair all over
« turkey » then the spleen explodes and an alien comes out
« turkey » and thats how babys are made
« Dilbert » when does the stork come?
« turkey » When you jack him off long enough
#42665
<Dizzo> doesnt look like I'll be spending thanksgiving with family
<Dizzo> all they do is get on my ass about why im not in college right now anyway
<Dizzo> "Why aren't you getting your degree? You're like 21"
<Dizzo> "I don't know grandma, why aren't you dead? You're like 75"
<Dizzo> im glad im willing to settle for cranberry sauce in a can, because thats as happy as its gonna get
<Sephraem> wtf
#311325
<gambl0re> imagine riding a uber in detroit...probably get shot
<jaawerth> meh, places are never as dangerous as people say they are
<jaawerth> also if an uber driver shot me I'd leave them a terrible review
#24228
<GodOfHellFire> they banned me from paintball, something about bringing real guns
#304684
<BrokenHaiku> No but my former neighbours had a lot of sex, which was evident from her yelling. We have pretty thick walls though so often I only hear hear vagely when it's quiet at night...
<BrokenHaiku> And so one night I heard her and it sounded pretty hot so I thought I'd get in on some parallel action so to speak.
<BrokenHaiku> And just when I'm hot and going her screaming gets louder
<BrokenHaiku> And I suddenly realise...it's not her.
<BrokenHaiku> It's her baby crying.
#56161
<Apophis> "marry such women as seem good to you, 2, 3, or 4, or if you fear you will not do justice (between them) then marry only one or what your right hand possesses"
<Apophis> am I correct in understanding this Koran passage to say, "Marry 2, 3, or 4 hot babes, or, if you can't handle them, either marry just one of them, or jerk off."
<Apophis> if so, I could get used to islam.
<olaf> lol
<Apophis> its win-win
<Apophis> either I get multiple hot babes, or I can masturbate without sinning