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#311121
<atom_bomb> my girlfriend has been pressuring me to write a book about about my engineering methodology
<atom_bomb> (after i told her how much money the agile software alliance makes)
<atom_bomb> my methodology is essentially a longwinded justification of procrastination
<atom_bomb> it just happens to be scrum-compatible and highly effective
#301482
<Emerald> During the hurricane of 1955 that hit Connecticut, my grandfather's neighbors were on vacation. Afterward, he sent them the following telegram, in its entirety: "What do you want me to do with your roof?"
#44913
<phrog> Light bulbs are not actually "light bulbs" but dark absorbers. When you turn them on, they suck the dark out of the room. You can prove this by holding your hand under a "light bulb". The dark will stack up under your hand where its path to the absorber is blocked by your hand. When they quit working and turn a dark color, it's not because they burnt out, it's because they're full.
#305852
<Erik> I feel like I've found the holy grail of feline ownership, or something.
<Erik> My cat actually knows the correct course of action to take when I say ``shut the fuck up''.
#14804
<filo> edwardo asked me if "i did any virgins" tonight
<filo> what an upstanding individual
#309709
<wushin> Yeah, but I'm a sysadmin so to me, hacks, spam and other exploits are like pokemon and I got to catch them all.
#2648
<inverse> dick is like the most popular first name for congressmen
#29270
<Hayabusa> I usually do really bad on tests, but I took a hepetitis test the other day, and I think I did really good.
<Hayabusa> I got an A, two Bs, and a C
#306129
<HunterX11> and apparently amazon.com sells sex toys
<HunterX11> including "used and new" prices
#34250
XtBA: oh yea and my moms wants u to ask ur pops if he can drive us to air plane thing
XtBA: holy shit i forgot the name
XtBA: oh yea... airport
Jiggy: ....wow
XtBA: haha i was thinking bout plane station
#34698
[dandyd]: gah... STUPID PEOPLE!!!
[dandyd]: i set my msn status to on phone, and 4 ppl start up convos asking who im tlking to
[dandyd]: the whole point is so they dont hassle me when im on the phone ffs
[fc9k]: did you tell them you were having phonesex?
Comment: #tekheads (Quakenet)
#10684
<mag8|iron^^> I really want to masturbate. All of my friends are doing it. But there is a problem: I am a Roman Catholic, and my religion considers it a sin. I want to do it one time — where should I do it, and how can I make it the most
#60850
<[Lawnhorn]> man, that sucked
<[Lawnhorn]> got a knock on my door
<[Lawnhorn]> and two of my flatmates were there
<[Lawnhorn]> holding, on a plate, the pie I put in the oven at 12:40pm
<[Lawnhorn]> it could now be described as "ethnic"
#16999
<lasthero> i own a lot of cds
<lasthero> and i own a kick ass stereo too
<lasthero> but don't own speackers, they cost so much
#310896
<+Rjx> the thing that bothers me most is the question mark
<+Thero> ?
#2438
<Amanda`> it's confirmed
<Amanda`> roommate is having sex again, right now
<Amanda`> HOLY SHIT
<Amanda`> I HEAR LIKE
<Amanda`> SUCTION NOISES
#148127
<+MK> Dude, like, 90% of all people use shared or dynamic IPs
<+Nabaztag> MK: I don't.
<+Nabaztag> My ISP doesn't do that.
<+Syniphas> that's like saying "My girlfriend wouldn't cheat on me"
#2199
<|Chris> i was stuck behind some car today and the license plate read "dick 404." my first thought was "oh shit...this guy must be impotent as all hell if his dick is missing."
#23967
<Apocalypz> this ftp i leeched from at school said it had porn and i was like yay
<Apocalypz> then i got home and theres loadsa feet and midgets in the porn
<Apocalypz> i felt like crying
<Apocalypz> then i started laughing at the naked midget instead
#2403
<goh> i've got this itching inside me that tells me i can beat you
<intra> like a vaginal itching?
<goh> intra: yes
<intra> just get some vagasil
#23013
<Gazuga> WHATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A PICKLE AND AN ATLAR BOY?
<YenenuNF> I DON'T KNOW
<Gazuga> CATHOLIC PRIESTS DON'T FORCE PICKLES TO PERFORM ORAL SEX ON THEM
<Gazuga> AHAHAHAHAHA
<YenenuNF> AHAHAHAHAH
<gopus> that was dumb.
<gopus> that's like saying "Why did the chicken and not the pickle cross the street?"
<gopus> and then saying
<gopus> "because the pickle doesn't have feet"
<Gazuga> ahahahah gopus good one
#18446
<RoyalBlood> hes like "my dad tells me all about cars cuz he downloads them from the internet" ...
<RoyalBlood> i would have slapped him if i was closer
* Fembot knows all about women 'cause he d/l's them off the Internet
#52798
<Lemmiwinks> omfg i took this shit 5MEO-AMT i got off this research chem website its like LSD but woah haha
<DaFool> what web site?
<Gewgle> haha drugee
<Lemmiwinks> hold on im gonna get some juice
<DaFool> NO WHATS THE WEB SITE!
<Gewgle> its been like 20 minutes prolly kicked over lol
<DaFool> bs i wanted that site lol
____________________________________________________________________________
5 hours later
<Lemmiwinks> ok back sorry had to use bathroom
<DaFool> dude that was like 4 hours ago
<Lemmiwinks> no way omg
<DaFool> hah that good huh?
<Lemmiwinks> dude this juice is warm i jus poured it
<L1nuxFox> wtf is he talkin bout
<Lemmiwinks> OMG ITS 9pm! wtf
Comment: Exerpiments with Japanese Chemicals
#18607
[17:36] <kNIGits> hey, can anyone get to apple dot com?
[17:36] <ambr> kNIGits: no, it was taken down by a worm
[17:36] <ambr> GETTIT >? ??@!??@!?!@?!?@?
#14989
<MU-Ravage> tuesday night Im going to a funeral home
<MU-Smash> why?