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#2091
<DMC[mav2]> human/animal hair can be stuffed inside panty hose and used to suck up oil out from an oil spill
<DMC[mav2]> did you faggots know that
#1552
<ckx> when i worked at the sub shop
<ckx> whenever a fat person would get a sub and a regular pepsi
<ckx> i'd be like "umm wouldn't you rather have a diet pepsi?"
<ckx> and they'd get all offended
<skmt> haha
<ckx> but they'd still get the diet pepsi instead
#4281
<Zybl0re> get up
<Zybl0re> get on up
<Zybl0re> get up
<Zybl0re> get on up
<phxl|paper> and DANCE
* nmp3bot dances :D\-<
* nmp3bot dances :D|-<
* nmp3bot dances :D/-<
<[SA]HatfulOfHollow> i'm going to become rich and famous after i invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet
#31260
DaveyHasAFetish: I hate women because I hear my mom masturbate.
#11066
InVerSeX: I scanned my penis in a flatbed scanner once.
The Spunn: did it hurt?
InVerSeX: No, I didn't close the lid.
InVerSeX: It was only a 14" scanner.
The Spunn: Ah, so you couldn't scan the whole thing.
InVerSeX: Exactly.
The Spunn: I had to fold mine in half to fit it all on the 14" scanner, that's the part that hurt the most.
InVerSeX: Well, I scanned mine limp and then used photoshop to get a stiffy.
#6019
<kubba> it's ok to blow a deadline inventing a time machine, because you can
always go back and invent it on budget
#19227
<[m]egaloB> don't eat from taco bell. just save yourself 45 minutes and flush whatever you buy
#308431
<+beefCake> hmm has someone got stuck down a drain :d
<+beefCake> there's been a confined space safety and rescue unit van outside for a bit
<+beefCake> some sort of tripod on the pavement further up
< Cheez> go out and say "what's that? timmy's fallen down the well?!"
< Cheez> then run back inside barking
< Phatteh> run over and say "i came as soon as lassie told me what happened!"
Comment: #multiplay@qnet
#162354
<skumby> i think only japanese chicks can get away with blue hair, a miniskirt, and a severed tentacle hanging from their twat
#20606
<D{-_-}J> how do I fix my card info?
<Stally> i think you have to run command.com and enter deltree C:windows
<ChrisAcky> wait there il try that cuz my netdraft has been fucking up a bit
* ChrisAcky has quit IRC
* _Acky has joined #mtguk
<_Acky> eek
<_Acky> !!!!!
<Stally> what happened
<_Acky> stally what was that, my computer has gone into dead mode
<_Acky> i had to grab a laptop
#26415
* Rjx had this weird dream
<Rjx> I was watching a documentary about goatse
<Rjx> and they were comparing it to all these artists' work
<Rjx> that's the last time I eat cheese before bed
#30859
<Xizer> Winzip is such a girl...
<Xizer> "Uh hey. 30 days are up could you stop using me? No? Well I'll just ask again tomorrow..."
#297296
helf2: sup
iKitsune: got a handjob from a midget in boaz today
helf2: wait, what
iKitsune: I got a handjob
iKitsune: from a midget
iKitsune: in Boaz
iKitsune: today.
helf2: yeah, thats what i thought you said
iKitsune: Do I need to post pictures?
helf2: no, I'm good.
#28822
<Xerox> Heh. Sailor Moon's greatest enemy would be an old man with a camera. "Quick Sailor Scouts, transform and defeat him!" "But... He's got a camera..."
#8323
<dt--> womb- im a big proponent of enviroment conditioning the youth
<wombrood> dt: 'environment,' for future reference
<djthrush> also, believing that something is true does not make you a
'proponent'
<djthrush> 'proponent' is closer in meaning to 'advocate'
<dt--> im aware of its meaning
<dt--> but thanks webster
<djthrush> i don't think you are! since you used it wrong and all
<dt--> how did i use it wrong?
<djthrush> i just explained it to you
<djthrush> are you some sort of illiterate fag?
<djthrush> are you a homeless boozer who just wandered into an internet
cafe? what?
<djthrush> i mean, really
#15511
<sex_e_chick> where do you work??
<Predddan> at work
#41485
<@avida> who wants to cyber
<@avida> whoops
<@avida> wrong window
<+Jazzy> ummm.. you're only in one channel
<@avida> exactly
#31858
<Karina> there are two people having mutual masturbation on my bed
<Karina> i'm going to blow.
<Gravity> what?
<Gravity> they're fingering each other on your bed?
<Karina> yes
<Gravity> male and female?
<Karina> yes
<Gravity> and are they both cute?
<Karina> yes
<Gravity> and you got on here to tell me about it ?
<Karina> yes
<Gravity> and didn't go join?
<Karina> no
<Gravity> If you have two hot people diddling around in your bed, and you're bi, and they're open, and you get on irc to tell someone else about it instad of joining/watching... You might be an addict.
#22985
<Drjookz> hello
<Drjookz> im Drjookz
<MrDJCrus> DRJOOKZ I HAVE A LIVER COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH! WHAT DO I DO?
<Drjookz> uhhh
<Drjookz> is it your own liver?
<MrDJCrus> it might be
<Drjookz> but you arent sure?
<MrDJCrus> you can never be sure
<Drjookz> well, check on that,
<Drjookz> if it is, just swallow it back down
<Drjookz> if its not, then just dont worry about it
#299613
<Stormscape> Yo dawg we heard you like Macs so we only put one pedal in your car
#8837
<Ez> School books are fun to sell.
<Ez> and will be forever
<Vazagi> Isn't sort of like selling crack? Rots the mind and so on...
#49794
[Mediator] FUCK FUCK FUCK
[Mediator] Ok so there was this gel pack with my heatsink
[Mediator] And it says all over it "Do not eat"
[Mediator] So its been lying on my desk for like 4 days
[Mediator] So I stabbed it with a screw driver today out of bordom
[Mediator] and some little balls came out
[Mediator] And they were clear
[Mediator] and I was liek "neat"
[Tangerz] :\
[Mediator] So out of curiousity I licked one
[Mediator] And now my tongue is melting off
Comment: Aftermath of a previous quote. #runeweb on irc.anoxs.net
#276906
xxx: told my boyfriend I wanna wake up to oral pleasure
xxx: and I woke up in the morning, cuz he was trying to stick his dick into my mouth
xxx: fuck
#56199
madskz: dude i keep typing my password instead of my username for gmail
madskz: so frickin annoying!!
khaos: lol
khaos: wat's ur gmail username anyway?
madskz: tr7321
madskz: FUCK
#307804
<@timmo> i have found that smartphones have kept me from drunk texting ugly girls
<@timmo> due to their face popping up in every text