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#53100
<+Vent> if I ever get drunk and can't get it up in bed I'll tell her erection reset by beer
#301278
<DaynaGirl> I had an app once... it adjusted your volume to full in all regards... then screamed out into the darkness "Hey!!! Look at me!!! I'm watching PORN over here!!!"
<DaynaGirl> then it kindly returned everything back to normal settings.
<reiser> hahaha DaynaGirl
<zarko> DaynaGirl: i believe i saw such a web site
<zarko> it opened dozens of windows, filled with gay porn, and played that msg repetitively
<zarko> well, it said "GAY porn"
<DaynaGirl> I thought it was so funny... I renamed it "DaynaNude.Exe" and kept a copy on the desktop.
<DaynaGirl> one night at about 2am... I'm awoken to the app playing...
<DaynaGirl> I rush out to my puter to find my mother turning forty shades of purple...
#4482
<CabbagePatchKid> I AM THE PHYSICAL INCARNATION OF FEAR
<andy> Who knew evil would be so chubby.
<CabbagePatchKid> You can change my diaper too. JUST LIKE A REAL BABY.
<CabbagePatchKid> YES WRITHE IN TERROR, MEAGER HUMANS.
#42773
<%TTK> How would I start overclocking
<mikeszewil> don't know
<+Fizban30> first
<+Fizban30> open the box
<+Fizban30> make sure its on
<+Fizban30> and stick a knife in random spots
<+Fizban30> when you feel the zap your done
#311581
<dysk> I began experiencing an unintended consequence ever since I put a lot of my old crappy MIDI music on SoundCloud.
<YelseyKing> ...what?
<dysk> Random people have been liking specific songs and following me, for an incredibly stupid reason.
<YelseyKing> Oh noes. People *like* your music? Dreadful.
<dysk> They have automated bot-type abilities to search for, and like, absolutely any song with specific words in the title, regardless of the song's content.
<YelseyKing> Oh. Hah. Dumb bots.
<dysk> Stupidest thing I've ever heard.
<YelseyKing> Yeah.
<dysk> So I have a few songs with the word "Party" in the title. I get notifications from out of nowhere about these accounts that like my "Party" songs, so I'm curious about these accounts and look them up. They also like tens of
thousands of other songs and audio files with "Party" in the title, from disco to hip-hop to political rallies.
<YelseyKing> lol
<YelseyKing> Bots are so dumb.
<dysk> I tell you, nothing gets a dance floor moving quite like a Bob Dole speech from 1996.
<YelseyKing> Oh yes.
#20136
<Beige> It's one o'clock.
<Beige> Do you know where your children are?
<Apollyon> In my testes.
#11825
... signoff!#linuxhelp -> SpamapS(Ping timeout)
... join!#linuxhelp -> SpamapS(~clint@ip-208-252-253-53.muca.asurf.net)
<SpamapS> Guess who can't tell the difference between the monitor's power cable and the *firewall*'s power cable?
#514
<Lathari> jack your ethernet into my ass and we'll have ourselves a REAL Lan party.
#10475
*** hep transubstantiated into SUPERMEGAHYPERKITTEN
*** SUPERMEGAHYPERKITTEN transubstantiated into SUPERMEGAPANTSLESSKITTEN
*** Starscream (eric@dis.gruntle.org) has joined channel #insub
<Starscream> hi.
<Starscream> i came in because hep has no pants.
#11215
<@Drezdar> !google teen pregnancy crisis hotline
<@Drezdar> Heh, don't ask.
#4422
<moira> I converted an MP3 to ogg, then back again, and then back and forth between MP3 and OGG format thirty times, and when I listened to it after that, it was just an mp3 of you guys talking
#55179
<davie> Man ms. turnhill is a hottie
<spiffy_> umm you mean your physics teacher?
<davie> Yeah man she loves me
<davie> Like today, I bumped into her
<davie> I said "hi"
<davie> She said "hello, how are you doing?"
<davie> I said "Im alright"
<davie> She said "that's good"
<davie> BAM I'm in!
#20009
<DrWatson> MISSING: 1 motivation. Last seen the night before the last exam. Small and unimpressive. Likes to wander. Answers to the name of 'Keith'. Please email DrWatson.
#41041
* +Rabbitoh pokes and feels his index finger sink into kc's leg
<+kc8501> oooooh Rabbitoh!
<+Rabbitoh> :D
<+kc8501> HEY that's not my leg!
<+Rabbitoh> that's not my finger
#5410
* Praetor takes a piss right in the middle of the channel
* andy slashes Prae's penis off.
<andy> That takes better vision than you might think.
#297077
<Erik> First catch from a dating site stopped replying because I was being "too intellectual".
<Erik> Second one thought I was "too good for her".
<Erik> Third one rejected me because I mentioned I enjoyed Dragonlance novels.
<Erik> Oh well, can't stop now.
<dd7> erik's finally coming out of the basement
#296044
<Talon_IceHawk> Do you lack pattern recognition?
<AgentError> What?
<Talon_IceHawk> Do you lack pattern recognition?
<AgentError> What?
<Talon_IceHawk> Do you lack pattern recognition?
<AgentError> What?
<Talon_IceHawk> Do you-- wait, fuck.
#56161
<Apophis> "marry such women as seem good to you, 2, 3, or 4, or if you fear you will not do justice (between them) then marry only one or what your right hand possesses"
<Apophis> am I correct in understanding this Koran passage to say, "Marry 2, 3, or 4 hot babes, or, if you can't handle them, either marry just one of them, or jerk off."
<Apophis> if so, I could get used to islam.
<olaf> lol
<Apophis> its win-win
<Apophis> either I get multiple hot babes, or I can masturbate without sinning
#8056
<evilbob> then you must not be gay!
<evilbob> because if you were, you'd be all over my ass like butter over hot rolls.
<McGrue> Is your ass *that* hot?
<evilbob> no, but it has its own atmosphere.
#15747
<LoverMan> Yeah, I remember when my boss' wife had computer problems...she
asked me to go over and help fix it, she wasn't seeing anything on the
screen and has rebooted, checked the connections, etc...so I go over there
<LoverMan> And the monitor wasn't turned on. Her excuse? "Oh, I never turn
it off so I didn't think to check that."
#1482
::: .signoff@7.55p> jadel (jadel@h24-70-154-3.wp.shawcable.net); User abortion with 5 coathooks
#6363
<JelloMan> jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world...
<JelloMan> white and white, white and white, they are precious in his sight.
#5942
<DrWoody> Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'y' becomes silent.
#1393
<Guilty> Full house has so many good leasons
<Guilty> Like, living with another man in a basement at the age of 42 does not make you gay
<Guilty> And sharing
#213469
<Raws> rofl
<Raws> I was just answering some poor guy's question in #java on another network, while I was watching these dateline things
<Raws> And I was talking about the dateline stuff in another channel
<Raws> So in the other channel, we all decide to change our nicks
<Raws> In the middle of me answering his question, this guy just sees
<Raws> *** Raws is now known as onlinepenisguy_464
<Raws> He just left