Random | Latest | Best | Full Site
#4924
<reuben> you're like people with bumper stickers.
<reuben> telling the same lines over and over and over again.
<reuben> anything witty is only witty once
<reuben> hey
<reuben> that would be a good bumper sticker
#2836
<fuck> you
#1256
<RallyCat> All this talks about cats is making me crave chinese food.
#310954
<mischa> i was just yelling at oracle world people on the street
<mischa> told them oracle is trash and to get a real DB
<mischa> you heard of postgres? it’s dope, free, scales like a motherfucker, open source and YOU DONT HAVE TO SUCK LARRY ELLISON’S COCK
<mischa> sup bro? you use oracle? it’s no good dude, get a real database
<mischa> one guy seemed really angry i was bothering him, he said he actually works at oracle, looked really grim
#6908
<Toen> OH NO! A steamroller comes barreling down on brentai! He must roll 1d20! Less than 6 escapes death!
<Toen> unless he wants to use up his luck charm and make it a 1d10!
<Brentai> I use my raping skill to rape the steamroller.
<Toen> your rape is ineffective against the cold, solid steel!
<Brentai> Well, crud.
<Brentai> 1d10
<Dildice> Brentai: 9
<Brentai> Er, 1d20.
<Brentai> 1d20
<Dildice> Brentai: 14
<Brentai> Crap, and crap.
<Toen> squish
<Brentai> Well, I went out trying to rape a steamroller. It's a man's death.
#105771
<alpha>: girls that care about money don't interest me
<alpha>: girls smarter than me do
<Bryant>: girls smarter than you hide their interest in money
<Bryant>: and you cant tell
<Bryant>: because they're smarter than you
#57944
<@stunty> i gave my gf 100 bux to buy me a dvd play that played divx and xvid
<@stunty> she comes back with a small pink dvd player
<@stunty> and said she saved me 50 bux
#63382
<PenguinMan> That is wrong on so many levels, I think I had to fight a boss or two
#21414
<Shez> i shall create my own planet named "the planet of dropdead losers named Shez"
<|iCARUS|> Shez: cool!! can i have the planet next to that?
<Scathing> Icarus: the "I'm with Stupid ->" planet?
#299429
< ChOwToo> elle, did you really understand the augmented Turing machine argument the other day in that other channel? Or were you just pretending?
<@elle> what?
* ChOwToo feels relieved
Comment: #VerbalAbuse @ Undernet
#36256
<esmerelda> exactly what is it 28 days later than anyway?
<Antifreez> I don't know. I always figured it was about the menstrual cycle.
#34227
<NatashaD> Up until this last generation my family refused to breed outside of the german heretage. Then my dad told his mom to get bent and married an Irish woman.
<NatashaD> The Germans won't speak to us, and the Irish won't speak to the Germans, so everyone pretty much leaves us alone.
<NatashaD> I'm not sure what the problem is but because they're all stupid I don't mind not having to talk to them.
<Chris23m{ab}> lol VERY nice
<NatashaD> Except that none of them sent me graduation presents, those ungrateful bastards.
#31493
Velociraptor: Do you have ne updog?
SAMrhodes87: What the fuck is UPDOG?
Velociraptor: nuthin much wha bout u?
#88639
<Apollo> lmao, that reminds me of when ryan had the INCREDIBLE plan to submit a quote to bash. The gimmick was that each time it was rejected, he'd add another line and resubmit it until it was accepted XD
<Trinexx> how did that turn out?
<red_ryan> well, its been over a year and they still havent moderated the third attempt.
#37601
<Deedux> speaking of food, I don't get it
<Deedux> when I was eating like a fat ass, my dumps were all normal and, for the most part, pleasant
<KArmA-> that's not what your tummy says
<Deedux> but now that I've been exercising and eating salads and what not, my ass is like celine dion
<Deedux> indiscriminantly spewing excrement
Comment: #couch on EFnet
#30979
<@Huntress> couldn't avoid laundry any longer, ran out of undies
<+Kaelic> what? how?
<+Kaelic> all you need are like 6 pair to last a few months...
<@Huntress> HUH
<@Summoner> TMI Kaelic TMI!
* +Raven puts on his gas filters and scientifically pokes Kaelic with a probe
<+Kaelic> don't worry, I'm not wearing any right now
#35490
<vice> you remember that asian girl i wanted
<eric`> yeap
<vice> she got suspended for 10 days
<vice> for giving head to some black dude in the hallway
<simon-say> what happened to the guy?
<vice> suspended also
<simon-say> "I got suspended for recieving head"
<vice> she was a good girl too ;\
<vice> oh well
<simon-say> good girls don't blow black guys in the hallways at school
#189485
<goldfish> I took this little green pill for a headache, on my Granny's recommendation.
<goldfish> I woke up in the backyard three days later, no trousers on, talking to Elvis about the infinite.
<goldfish> Granny was yelling out a window at me, "Get up you baby! I take three of those and do my grocery shopping."
#60116
<beaux> Sometimes I think having a girlfriend is like a contract signed in blood or something.
<SaxxonPike> terms are subject to change without notice
Comment: #misfix
#3321
<Road> { private: long member; }
<Road> but for me, that would be a long long
<DAL9000> Road: you'd have to cast it to a char though.
<Road> DAL9000: Hmm, that would cause an overflow
<DAL9000> hah.
<DAL9000> no big deal, i hear you always prematurely core dump anyway
<Road> hahah, ouch
<DAL9000> I COUNTER YOUR GEEK COUNTER WITH AN EVEN GEEKIER COUNTER.
#32584
<ImJen> I'm bored
<cax> me too
<D^KR0VV> #cyberpunx
<MikeUC> I'm bored, too.
<Johnny_R> well we wouldn't b on here if we all had thriving social lives would we!?
Comment: The sad truth.
#63485
<+Daemonic> evolution is a flawed theory
<+Catalyst> What are you, from Alabama?
#16108
<goferdude> What's "hockey"?
<zamros> REALLY YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HOCKEY IS?
<Funk> It's like boxing, except it's on ice and there are teams
#33895
<Ristora> brant: you know gullibles not in the dictionary
<Ristora> it;s crazy :|
<Brant> Ristora: what the crap are you talking about?
<Brant> Ristora: http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=gullible
<Ristora> hhahhahh
<Brant> HAHAHAHHAHA
<Brant> OMG
<Brant> FUCK YOU
Comment: I got owned :(
#1377
<TheFlux2k> i just teleport everywhere
<TheFlux2k> walking is for faggots