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#3293
<Object> ric and JibberJim, cna you guys take your little gay fantasies elsewhere?
<ric> hey, my gay fantasies are not "little"...
#9329
<@PakiSpice> missy elliot bothers me
<fromtheashes> that video where she wore a garbage bag scared the bejesus outta me
<fromtheashes> im a supa fly, supa dupa fly
<@PakiSpice> yea
<@PakiSpice> i think it left me somewhat scarred
<fromtheashes> why don't you supa dupa fly your fat ass out of a 4th story window
<fromtheashes> and stop giving me nightmares
#48613
<xcham> I got spam for penis enlargement pills today
<xcham> the sender name was "Freud"
<xcham> "... this is very interesting. perhaps my mother sent it to me"
Comment: #adium @ freenode
#235178
(Bubbles) diabetes...anemia...depression...alzheimers...is there any shitty disease I'm not going to be predisposed to?
(Alex) well
(Alex) STDs
#62385
<lemur> wow
<burgizzly> what?
<lemur> i just lamed myself out real baaad
<burgizzly> wqhy
<lemur> well you know how after you jerk off, you can't really pee straight?
<burgizzly> of course...
<lemur> yeah well that was happening to me, only i couldnt remember last time i'd jacked off.
<lemur> it was driving me fuckin nuts trying to work out when i could possibly have pleased myself.
<lemur> seriously
<lemur> like an hour later i was still really worried cause i thought i'd contracted some self-pleasuring split personality disorder thing!
<burgizzly> sooo?
<burgizzly> you worked it out?
<lemur> haha yeah i'd had sex like 20 minutes before :/
<burgizzly> fuck you
#670
<Johnno> wouldnt it be cool if there was a cow that had a door on it's side, that when you opened it up, it produced nummmy pie
<wonko> that's a good idea! hold on while I round up some venture capital...
#311141
<slidercrank> is that true that Spanish programmers have to write ¡ along with ! in their code? such as "while (¡var!) {..}" The same with the ternary operator: a=¿b>0? b; -b;
Comment: ##c++:
#301149
<+endemDan> i need to find a new job, where customers are not so retarded
<@Gusterbuster> Someone call you and say 'Can you hear me now?'
<+endemDan> no i have had that happen before, but this is even worse
<+endemDan> a customer calls in support from their cell and says she cant find the function she wants to take a pic with
<+endemDan> so i get her phone model blah blah blah, then ask what exactly shes trying to do
<+endemDan> she says 'i see pictures of people where they are holding their phone and are in the picture themselves, how do i take a picture of myself and my phone if the camera does not come off the phone'
<+endemDan> she continues with 'also how are they getting a picture of themselves from the front if i can see the flash?, like the camera is facing away from them during the picture. how do i do that?'
<+endemDan> i couldnt even respond or laugh, i was just in complete awe that someone was actually serious about this question
<+endemDan> then i asked her if she has ever looked at herself in the mirror, and freaks out thinking i just called her ugly or some shit and demands to speak to my manager
<+endemDan> so i put her on hold, get him over and tell him the story and he doesnt believe me and gets on the phone and has her repeat everything she said and then asks her about the complaint against me
<+endemDan> he asks her the same exact thing (it has been about 10 minutes since the call started) and then, then she finally gets it and understands that taking a picture in a mirror is how the people do it
<+endemDan> i dont understand how people like that function in life
<@Gusterbuster> Yea. However you get to sit on your ass all day and answer a phone
Comment: endemDan works at verizon
#16818
<Nago> hmm... my coke tastes a bit like flesh...
#34698
[dandyd]: gah... STUPID PEOPLE!!!
[dandyd]: i set my msn status to on phone, and 4 ppl start up convos asking who im tlking to
[dandyd]: the whole point is so they dont hassle me when im on the phone ffs
[fc9k]: did you tell them you were having phonesex?
Comment: #tekheads (Quakenet)
#14794
<blur_> i just got a buncha penises flashed at me :(
<blur_> i somehow setup cuseeme to accept all incoming requests
<blur_> and like
<blur_> theres naked men out there apparently
#5523
<Opcode> i was gonna call 911...but i was downloading a file
#307637
<Knack> i've just had someone from newcastle trying to say 8 A A over the phone
<Knack> took about 5 attempts until i understood him
<ZoFreX> eight alpha alpha
<ZoFreX> what's the problem :P
<retrominge> Knack: eeeet, eeeee, eeeee?
<retrominge> :D
<Knack> sounded like he was saying hay hay hay
Comment: #reddit-uk
#28515
(Omnicronx): i overclocked my penis and it caught on fire
#2473
<ringy> my mom says shed date me if she was my age
#33154
<TheCommisser> so i was sitting at my desk, and guess what happened.
<fred> you "accidently" went on hugedonkeydicks.com when a friend walked in.
<fred> your hands had "slipped" on the keyboard.
<TheCommisser> he has already told you. he prommised.
<fred> Question: what were you looking for?
#68018
<Rod> i wonder if that little RC plane with the camera on it could fly into some open windows and then drive around on the floor looking up ladies skirts
<Chris> too noisy
<Rod> all you need is a deaf girl and an open window
<Rod> and a questionable set of moral principles
<Chris> that's how lots of Rod's stories start
<Rod> most of them come from "101 Things To Do With A Deaf Girl, An Open Window, And A Questionable Set Of Moral Principles" by Noam Chomsky
<John> One of his lesser-known works.
<Rod> i dont want to spoil the book, but 99 of the 101 things are "Rape her."
<Rod> 101 is the plane and video camera thing
<Rod> you dont want to know about 100. it makes 1-99 look like ballroom fucking dancing
#306012
panjohnl: Bad joke time! So Helium walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
panjohnl: Helium doesn't react.
panRJK: you know what I say to that?
panRJK: He He He
#997
<theR> I'm glad I remembered I'm an idiot before I started to set up a wins proxy
#68951
<@semi> man
<@semi> i think i should turn my speakers down
<@zeppeh> or quit listening to nsync
<@semi> i cant tell if its gas from downing that soda or just the bass.
<@zeppeh> nsync doesn't have bass
<@semi> it has lance bass
<@semi> i mean
<@semi> fuck you.
Comment: #brained irc.catheadlabs.com. also, I wasn't listening to nsync.
#295706
Lord Adam: you know what
Lord Adam: If I feel crap
Lord Adam: I should just look at that picture of the dog in the towel
Amelia: you know
Amelia: you should show like.. bin laden that photo
Amelia: he'll just smile and say
Amelia: "You know.. the war is stupid. No more fighting - I'm getting me a dog. I already have a towel.
#213469
<Raws> rofl
<Raws> I was just answering some poor guy's question in #java on another network, while I was watching these dateline things
<Raws> And I was talking about the dateline stuff in another channel
<Raws> So in the other channel, we all decide to change our nicks
<Raws> In the middle of me answering his question, this guy just sees
<Raws> *** Raws is now known as onlinepenisguy_464
<Raws> He just left
#11602
<lawnhorn> i am a tool
<lawnhorn> i fix therefore i am
#1112
<BlackDeth> gb: ph33r im gonna be seeing spacegirl in a few weeks :P
<LkTrout1> Deth is a boner.
<blazemore> lk has a blackdeth.
#300810
Crimson_Judas: I overheard this chick at lunch talking to a friend
Crimson_Judas: About how she had to terminate her pregnancy when she was young, and now that she's ready for children she can't get pregnant
lemonlimeskull: Classic case of ABORT, RETRY, FAIL.