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#29236
(@Nichole): ascian gets sassy when she drinks
(@ascian): haha i read 'gets easy'
(@ascian): unfortunately both are true :(
#591
<gb> I'M BREAKING OUT THE DoS
<gb> THERE GOEZ ED
<gb> BYE BYE
<hypr> DONT DOS ME"
<hypr> FUCKERKGHJIJGEG
<blazemore> hypr: quick, go buy dsl!
#62175
<evilAdmin> omg... PDF rules.
<evilAdmin> since everyone figured out the whole blacked out text thing (which is perfectly recoverable)...
<evilAdmin> all of the office is busy putting in hidden quotes and messages at the end of work documents as thick black lines, including upper management and admin (even the CEO is busy quoting 'Gates).
<evilAdmin> Then, coworkers play with the new hires- claiming you can only read it once you print it off. Most of them fall for it, I even saw one guy saying it was a "Magic Eye" sort of thing where the black stripe dissapears and the letters pop out.
<evilAdmin> much to my dismay, his buddy was sitting there cross-eyed with the paper 8cm away from his face.
<evilAdmin> >:)
#53475
<veeeeee> so Brittanys gynecologist was giving Brittany a pap smear and the gyne is like, "I have a son who is 26, and hes really into artists...would you mind if I gave you his number?"
<jessecrouch> hahahhhHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH
<ecks> veeeeee: wow, how inappropriate and creepy.
<ecks> goddamn
<veeeeee> yeah. Id feel pretty confident with my vagina though after that. Like a gynecologist wanted my vagina to be her vagina-in-law
#8645
<dr_rotcod> if my computer were human it'd be a limbless retard
#29454
<jeebas> seems like i have quite a few kids on ebay
<jeebas> err bids
#8072
*** LiL^EbBiE was kicked by Avatar (it's rude to not reply when someone's talking to you)
<Avatar> i'm gonna be a great father
<arturo> sif
<arturo> you'll just gaffer tape them up when they say rude words and kick them out of the room every time they play up
#300571
<thetooth> you know what makes me angry?
(haro) thetooth, cavities?
#110372
<Beastage> notice how life and fail have same letters?
Comment: irc.neowin.net, #neowin
#304691
<BunneH> i saw a urologist yesterday
<BunneH> er.. today, not yesterday
<BunneH> he had to use KY jelly to get his thumb into my prostate
<BunneH> well, i dunno if it was KY
<BunneH> may have been aknockoff
<BunneH> point is, i had a jelly-covered thumb in my anus
<BunneH> i felt like a donut
<BunneH> when he poked it he said "does this make you feel like you need to urinate?"
<BunneH> i almost said "no, but i feel like i need to shit a thumb"
<BunneH> luckily, i refrained, and just said "no"
#52660
<@Log> Ugh...
<@Log> Don't ever jump into a car like they do in the Dukes Of Hazzard.
<@Log> Unless of course you WANT to get sodomised by the gear shift. :(
#96097
JimBob2814: I actually tried Superman 64
JimBob2814: yes, it is.
Rawlsaur: Is it actually as bad as they say?
Rawlsaur: ...
JimBob2814: no, you're just predictable
Rawlsaur: Are you psychic or something?
Rawlsaur: ...
JimBob2814: NO I WON'T
Rawlsaur: STOP DOING THAT!
Rawlsaur: ...
JimBob2814: haha
#7153
<bumr> maybe he makes mad love to the penguin
<dys> Perhaps Cathy wears a Tux the Penguin suit for him.
<dys> And then he "debugs her code" all night long.
<bumr> cunnilinux
#32465
<@Chin^> My sister caught me jacking off the other week and calls me a pervert
<@Chin^> just the other day i walked into my room and caught my sister masturbating
<@Chin^> So she calls me a pervert again?!?
<@Chin^> there is no justice in the world...
Comment: bash.org
#14591
<@odoyle> guess how much the whole divorce costed me?
<+xenu> 100,000$
<@odoyle> not a penny
<@odoyle> the nice lawyer lady next door did it for free
<@[KdAwG]> odoyle: boom boom?
<@odoyle> nah
<@[KdAwG]> pft
<@[KdAwG]> you know you hit that ;)
#2910
<Berzerker> like one time i shit on a bench in my school playground
<Berzerker> and like it smelt so bad
<Berzerker> and i covered it with playground gravel
<Berzerker> and like when the cafeteria aid came the next day she cleared it off with her hand
<Berzerker> and like
<Berzerker> poop!
#45472
<ProfGlitch> hahaha, how ironic:
<ProfGlitch> "USA/Japan's [StarCraft] match ended in America's favor after their Terran player resolved two nuclear attacks on the Japanese team's main bases."
#5782
<djm> irc's my anti-drug
#304158
<welandB> God dammit.
<welandB> I went to the Renaissance Festival and hit it off with a girl so I tore off a piece of paper from the map and wrote down my number for her.
<welandB> So my friend tears off more pieces and writes down "Call Nate for gay sucking and fucking" with my phone number.
<welandB> And starts handing them out.
<welandB> So I take them away from him and stuff them in my pocket.
<welandB> My cat just dragged one right to my mom.
<welandB> We just had a sit-down talk where I had to clarify that I am not soliciting sex from strange men.
#53031
[DragonOutlaw] I have a crazy website/irc idea
[DragonOutlaw] shit my elbow
[DragonOutlaw] I hit it on the desk
[@dragoonz] I like it!
[DragonOutlaw] ASSHOLE DESK
[%ForgottenSin] THATS GENIUS
#7526
<Cerebus> when i go on a rampage killing all women on the planet, i'll spare you
<yunicus> yer a dear heart
<yunicus> really
<yunicus> please leave me with a bunch of stinky men
#42581
SurrenderUrCow: in my 3rd period
SurrenderUrCow: i stuck a pencil down my pants
Micycle 13: LOL wtf
Micycle 13: why?
SurrenderUrCow: and made it look like i had a massive boner
Micycle 13: ROFL
SurrenderUrCow: then i stood up and walked over to my teacher
Micycle 13: so somebody says "hahah look at k0w poppin a b to the teacher"
SurrenderUrCow: handed her my planner and said as loud as i can, "I HAVE TO GOTO THE BATHROOM!"
Micycle 13: ROFL
SurrenderUrCow: it was so fucking hilarious, the teacher looked up and fell out of her chair
#54699
alannapurple: My boyfriend's RA sold him pot.
alannapurple: Do you understand how this is inherantly wrong?
silknsteelcn: Yes
alannapurple: oh thank god, someone does
silknsteelcn: I can't believe you're going out with someone who smokes pot.
#16144
<GimpMaster> why the hell i'm i on ignore :o
<Vxie> and i wont till he apoligizes for his actions...
<SovanJedi> How can he apologise if you can't even hear him? ;)
<GimpMaster> hah
<Vxie> i dunno
<GimpMaster> ask him what i did :o
<Vxie> thats what im trying to figure out...
<SovanJedi> Gimp is asking 'what did I do?'
<Vxie> i asked him to stop cussing infront of my lil sis and he didnt stop
<GimpMaster> is that it? fuck the sand monkey. i don't care
<SovanJedi> Gimp says 'I'm very sorry for my actions, and he won't do it again.'
<Vxie> ok
<GimpMaster> LOL
#57267
<evilAdmin> Oy! Maybe my job does rock.
<evilAdmin> Da Fluke network tester (a $6000 Gameboy wannabe) was broken today since someone took the lithium batteries out of it and neglected to put them back in the case.
<evilAdmin> We had to test out the connection between floors 2&4, going through floor 3 in the process.
<evilAdmin> so I tell da b0ss that the Network tester is dead... And I need to generate network traffic so I can see the stats on the switches and routers, make sure no packets are being killed prematurely.
<evilAdmin> So he sayz "How much is that tester worth?", I say "6K". He says "Great!".
<evilAdmin> he picks up his office phone, hits the global annoucement button, and says "Floors Two, Three, and Four, our IT Admin requires that you generate network traffic for equipment testing. Grab Half Life off my network share, I'll host". He hangs up and says "Happy?", I say "that works".
<evilAdmin> The rest of the afternoon was dedicated to a rather large Half Life MP game on Crossfire :).