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#14351
<malcolm> I would appreciate it more if I didn't have to set JAVA_HOME and ANT_HOME and HILL_DEPTH and AVERAGE_LIFESPAN_OF_INSECT and NUMBER_OF_LEGS and DIRECTION_OF_PREVAILING_WIND and BIRTHDAY
#8476
<tm> meetings, the alternative to work
<Dane> meetings, the PRACTICAL alternative to work
<Rushn> Masterbation, the FUN alternative to work
#4155
<CorranFox> we didn't have sex though
<CorranFox> she took the route of saying "I might be a lesbian"
<CorranFox> I didn't drive her into it though
<mightyflo> you didnt drive it into her either
#8636
<teste_fly> i talk shit, and none of it's true and i'm a skinny pussy who wouldn't harm a turd
<teste_fly> but i will give it a stern talking to
#6229
<aXo> What an amazing weekend I had! I ate thirteen TV dinners, jacked off sixteen times and consumed one alcoholic beverage all without moving from this chair. I'm about to watch Godfather Part 3, then eat a bag of Doritos and pass out in a pool of my own saliva.
#311229
<Jigsy> A Nightmare on Elm Street was an inside job. WAKE. UP. PEOPLE!
#18431
<xbain> "statistics show that teen pregnancy significantly drops off after age 25"
#25638
<Aximili> WHAT THE DAMN HELL WAS THAT AHHHHHH
<Nicklon> ·Aximili· => puberty
#74927
<@hybrid> this commercial said "PeoplePC is your best choice for dial up and find out why JD Power & Associates Ranked Us Best Customer Service Among Dial-Up Service Users"
<@hybrid> and i thought... isnt that like an award for "Happiest Wife in Abusive Relationship?"
Comment: #imagi-nation freenode
#59556
Fire> When I code late at night, I find things in it in the morning like /** TODO -- something */
#213469
<Raws> rofl
<Raws> I was just answering some poor guy's question in #java on another network, while I was watching these dateline things
<Raws> And I was talking about the dateline stuff in another channel
<Raws> So in the other channel, we all decide to change our nicks
<Raws> In the middle of me answering his question, this guy just sees
<Raws> *** Raws is now known as onlinepenisguy_464
<Raws> He just left
#18681
<xxFrogxx> Today when I was at the gym, I caught this dood checking out my weiner.
<Spazmatic> Did you like it?
<xxFrogxx> It was like, I felt violated and flattered at the same time.
<OriginalWheat> Yeap, youre gay
#1133
<homerj> a robot on Futurama
<homerj> "You know why they are using WIndows 3000 as a prison guard?"
<homerj> because it always locks up
#49957
<shen> aah!
<shen> cat!
<shen> get off me, cat
<shen> I just gave you food, now go away, I am trying to type
<shen> no, don't purr, go and sit on your pillows
<shen> ...
<shen> you know, I should really shout at the cat, instead of just talking on IRC like this
#308362
<Pryoidain> Finally developed a working method for discovering if it's going to be a good day or a bad day.
<asaph> Do tell?
<Pryoidain> So I sleep RIGHT NEXT to my phone. Like it's two inches from my face if shit blows up at 3AM because waking me requires an atomic attack.
<Pryoidain> Anyways, first thing I do every morning, even before glasses, is grab it, hit the screen button, and see if there are any alerts.
<asaph> right.
<Pryoidain> My background now has 2+2=? on it. If at any point between the first pressing of the screen button and managing to reach the pot of coffee i think "22" then I immediately go the fuck back to bed.
#298611
<hayden> her: "i thought since you're good with electronics you could tell me whats wrong with my ipod..."
<hayden> her: "i dropped it in a lake, but-"
<hayden> me: "you dropped it in a lake?"
<hayden> her: "yeah but the little sticker didn't turn red"
<hayden> me: "you dropped it in a lake"
#29446
* Steele looks at his watch
<Steele> well either its 6:15 or mickey has a hard on
#303524
[DominoEffect] so, I saw quite possibly the best thing ever today
[DominoEffect] had to go to the hospital because my mother had to have surgery done
[DominoEffect] and in the lobby there was a little bakery type thing, with coffee and bagels and such
[DominoEffect] the guy behind the counter was short, big nose, bald on top, short curly hair on the sides and back of his head
[DominoEffect] when I came in there was a big guy standing around outside, he came in after me and ordered a bagel or something with a thick german accent
[DominoEffect] took a bite and said "you know, we can't get decent baked goods in germany anymore"
[DominoEffect] the guy behind the counter just said "oh, and whose fault is that?"
[DominoEffect] I was fuckin dying, I had to step outside for a minute
#31059
<aml_> i mean, if you decapitate someone with a sword, it's not fucking ceremonial
<dabblerblue> unless you're the highlander!!
#33834
<pyro> I remember when I was younger this chick wanted me to give her a hickey but i didn't know how.. so i went on google
#4021
<Dark_un> man this shit is fucked
<Synoptica> whats that?
* Dark_un produces a piece of shit with a particularly suspicious looking hole
#304071
< Bobsentme> And then a graduate student came in, overheard about 3 seconds of our conversation, and explained we could do the same thing for free if we just used nmap and a database
< Bobsentme> So...anyone know a good place to hide the body of a graduate student? >.>
< PID1|work> from a forensic lab??
< Bobsentme> yeah.
< Tamber> lecture hall. They won't think of looking there.
< PID1|work> or a tutorial class
< Bobsentme> Tamber: "He's always the first to arrive, but sleeps through my lectures!" "He's dead." "Oh...damn. He was the only one passing the course."
#11066
InVerSeX: I scanned my penis in a flatbed scanner once.
The Spunn: did it hurt?
InVerSeX: No, I didn't close the lid.
InVerSeX: It was only a 14" scanner.
The Spunn: Ah, so you couldn't scan the whole thing.
InVerSeX: Exactly.
The Spunn: I had to fold mine in half to fit it all on the 14" scanner, that's the part that hurt the most.
InVerSeX: Well, I scanned mine limp and then used photoshop to get a stiffy.
#53711
<Monxe> I have this chemistry class full of people who apparently get off acting as if they're 5. So, while leaving the class, I look over to my friend and say, "Man, I think the retardation in there is contagious."
<Monxe> Suddenly I pause, look up, and realize that we're right across from the special ed. hallway.
#7280
( Lev ) have you SEEN the people who wear the I LOVE LINUX T-shirts....that does more damage to the OS than a billion microsoft blue-screens