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#39686
<bobsquared> i hate it when i accidentally refresh the page when im half way through reading random bash quotes in case there was a really great one i missed never to see again :(
<Jon> jesus, i'm never speaking to you again. ever.
<Jon> ...not because you're a total fucking nerd... it's because i've felt that too :(
#8875
<GoodScrat> my gf is twice your age
<db-x> goodscrat, twice is about the time i get her in a week
<GoodScrat> to do what, change your diaper?
#30609
<cdowdsux> So my friend was telling me about how he tried to commit suicide by taking 20 Advil...so I was just like.. "Dude, why take 20 Advil when you could have just taken 3 Aleve?"
#310631
<Jigsy> So in Civil War re-enactment school I was voted most likely to secede.
#308280
(rickest) reinventing the wheel is exactly what allows us to travel 80mph without even feeling it. the original wheel fell apart at about 5mph after 100 yards. now they're rubber, self-healing, last 4000 times longer. whoever intended the phrase "you're reinventing the wheel" to be an insult was an idiot.
#13110
<OreoTZA> ./ignore #k-rad
<OreoTZA> whoa, i wonder if you can actually do that
<OreoTZA> holdon, I'm gonna try
<OreoTZA> ok, hello?
<OreoTZA> HELLo????
<OreoTZA> anyone seen this?
<OreoTZA> LOL!!!!!! IT FUCKING WORKED
<OreoTZA> holy shit
<Dawgyman> josh
<OreoTZA> SHIT I SEE DAWG, it didn't work
#16284
<Fembot> I choose you, PINGachu!
<Fembot> Variable sized packet attack!
#8494
<helminthes> omg, i was about to walk into class today but it wasn't until right before i opened the door that i realized i wasn't wearing pants, but i didn't go home i went ahead and dealt with it and lo and behold, there was a test in that class that i hadn't studied for at all. so i jumped out the window and right when i hit the ground my cell phone went off
<hakan> yipes
<rafeil> yeh
<helminthes> and that's how it all started
<helminthes> how was your day
#16508
<yesyouam> Never let drugs stand in the way of alcohol
#16268
<[m1]> i HATE real world
<[m1]> its a fucking platform for outspoken faggots with a high school vocabulary
<mrwhite> dave, sounds like irc
#31858
<Karina> there are two people having mutual masturbation on my bed
<Karina> i'm going to blow.
<Gravity> what?
<Gravity> they're fingering each other on your bed?
<Karina> yes
<Gravity> male and female?
<Karina> yes
<Gravity> and are they both cute?
<Karina> yes
<Gravity> and you got on here to tell me about it ?
<Karina> yes
<Gravity> and didn't go join?
<Karina> no
<Gravity> If you have two hot people diddling around in your bed, and you're bi, and they're open, and you get on irc to tell someone else about it instad of joining/watching... You might be an addict.
#1309
~ TwinWork is craving chinese
(TwinWork) any asian girls in here?
#39251
Searcher> Man, all my MacGyver'ing is going to come back and kill me. I just know it. Next to my bed, I have a chair stuck in the corner of the room. On either side of the corner, I have a two-by-four wedged. On top of the two-by-fours, I have a dowel rod duct-taped. Hanging from the dowel rods, just kind of hooked over the top, I have a fan, oscillating. Sitting on top the inverted fan's base, I have a speaker. One day, that speaker is going to fall on my head.
#5089
<langdon> FUCK OFF AND HELP ME
<langdon> i mean
<langdon> fuck on
<langdon> fuck over here and help me
#12407
<Ixnorp[Regenerating]> I think I've found an excellent unit of size measurement. It's the 'I could kill you and hide your body in it' unit. People usually become very quiet after you say, "yea, I could kill you and 3 other people and hide the bodies in this"
#304684
<BrokenHaiku> No but my former neighbours had a lot of sex, which was evident from her yelling. We have pretty thick walls though so often I only hear hear vagely when it's quiet at night...
<BrokenHaiku> And so one night I heard her and it sounded pretty hot so I thought I'd get in on some parallel action so to speak.
<BrokenHaiku> And just when I'm hot and going her screaming gets louder
<BrokenHaiku> And I suddenly realise...it's not her.
<BrokenHaiku> It's her baby crying.
#31227
<RiTe> Saddam has been captured, his sons are dead, and his regime has fallen, but he has good news......he just saved a bunch of money on his car insurance by switching to Geico
#59503
-[A]lucard- [Global Notice] Dear whoever is talking to Nickserv about "death cheese of heaven" and "ok go now" .. your messages aren't going to their intended target.
Comment: irc.surrealchat.net
#8807
[Chocolate_Jihad] ahh depth perception she is harsh mistress
[Chocolate_Jihad] so much good but at such a great cost
[Darkure] you mean to your dignity?
[Chocolate_Jihad] unfortunately
#20155
<@kitten> oh
<@kitten> mmy
<@kitten> god
<@harb> ?
<@kitten> quarter-sized
<@kitten> spider
<@kitten> it's dead
<@harb> Good for you.
<@harb> You're one step closer to not being a fucking pussy.
<@kitten> I hosed it down with the Pine Sol, and shot it with the BB gun.
<@harb> Nevermind.
#51033
<SharpShooter> else if( $A['type'] ']']']']']== ']']']']']==']']']']==']']']==']']==']=='poll' ) <--- anything wrong with that line?
<@Gordon> Ya, I get kinda dizzy when I try to read it
<@Working> what the fuck.
#14137
<Miff`NickHunting> Have tragically nasty news
<Miff`NickHunting> Bath Bird, for those who dont know the people directly below me built a bathroom on the outside of their house and have a skylight allowing v. clear view of their bathroom antics, has changed
<Miff`NickHunting> Shes gone from being slightly ok to this new person
<Miff`NickHunting> Who I can only describe as..large
#538
<MadHatter> what you know about people and the way things work I could comfortably pass through the hole in my penis
#8120
<DisposableHero> is semen conductive?
<Iceman> DisposableHero: yes
<DisposableHero> (Iceman): fuck
#306805
<Rjx> who are you talking to?
<DigDug> your mom
<Rjx> she's asleep I think
<Rjx> you're wasting your time
<DigDug> oh damn
<DigDug> tell her i said hello
<DigDug> i had a really good time last night
<DigDug> and i'm really sorry about that thing with the flowers
<DigDug> i hope we can hang out again soon sometime
<DigDug> i promise i'm usually not that on edge, i was just really nervous about seeing her
<Rjx> she says she loves you, but she's not in love with you