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#8529
<teste_fly> "um yes, i'd like to withdraw from life please"
<teste_fly> "will that be checking or savings?"
<teste_fly> "hmm, i think i just want to cancel my account"
#27226
<Dilbert> i've got an idea that would help artists from having their music pirated
<Dilbert> instead of naming all their
<Dilbert> songs
<Dilbert> just give them a number
<Dilbert> like 1, 2, 3 so on
<Dilbert> and if everyone does that
<Dilbert> nobody online will be able to find the songs they are looking for
<Dilbert> or something
<Dilbert> i dont know
<Dilbert> forget i said anything
#4325
<nitrifik_> damn, I have to leave in 10. I haven't even eaten. :|
<mightyflo> irc is a cruel mistress
<nitrifik_> not as cruel as real mistresses.
<mightyflo> you get what you pay for
#5626
*** jonathans changes topic to 'PLZ FWD ALL PACKAGES MARKED "GAY" TO PROPER DEPARTMENTS (IN REAR)'
#52050
<Freenode> <Renski> Thats weird, im more impressed that im talking with someone from another network, than I am with the fact that you could be anywhere on the planet.
Comment: 'Freenode' is a relay bot from Freenode#winapi to EFnet#winapi
#310594
<rymate1234> z33k33 is trolling imo
<walle303> s/troll/z33k33
<PikalaxALT> walle303: rymate1234 actually meant: z33k33 is z33k33ing imo
<walle303> A sleeping POKeMON blocks the way!
<Renb> s/^.*$/butts/
<PikalaxALT> Renb: walle303 actually meant: butts
<Renb> s/^.*$/\nQUIT :butts/
<PikalaxALT> Renb: PikalaxALT actually meant:
* PikalaxALT has quit (Quit: butts)
<Renb> LOL
Comment: abusing a sed script.
#2820
[Lord-Data] hell, woudlnt mind a girlfriend
[Duckarse] ditto
[incorrect] there's always ebay
#42169
<+aeonite> Doom 3 is too dark
Jeff> Adds to the atmosphere
<Jeff> It's part of the story, anyway. The power is out everywhere. All you got is a flashlight
<+aeonite> it's lazy
<+aeonite> they were like "oh shit these levels look like crapass" "we'll just make every level pitch black then"
<Jeff> Yeah, I'm sure the people at ID were like "Ehhh, we get tired of making good graphics. Let's just make it dark"
Comment: #fark
#56804
<Karlprof> NEW RECORD!
<Karlprof> I just drove someone out a channel on Freenode in *two* lines!
<Karlprof> -->| fred_basset has joined ##anything
<Karlprof> <Karlprof> I read your nick as 'breast_feed', fred.
<Karlprof> <Karlprof> I just thought you should know that.
<Karlprof> <fred_basset> thanks
<Karlprof> <--| fred_basset has left ##anything
#7453
<Kefka_> Rap is for people who need to be influenced by a culture of uneducated fools who have primary goals of "ballin" and becoming fly by having a dope ride.
#61277
Hekili_Manu Ok. So I called my bank's fraud dept about that hotels.com letter I got since I apparently used them twice with two different cards. I forgot completely that when I signed up you can assign your own security question online.
Hekili_Manu So when I called and spoke to the guy they use the same security question and he asked me "Ok, I just need to verify one thing. How big is your c**k?"
Hekili_Manu It took me a moment to remember that and I was like "Uh....."
#307633
<Aberrant> I found out why my brother dropped off the face of the internet
<Aberrant> he rage quit TF2 by taking a pair of scissors to all the cables in his PC
<Aberrant> then to the motherboard
#52807
(@K) patches to 1.1
(TurboDttL) I'm a pirate so I use iPatches
#60437
[pd] fuck
[pd] i just remembered why i never got on aim/msn any more
[pd] fuckin people talk to me
[pd] HEY MAN LONG TIME NO SEE
[pd] for a reason you fuckfaces!
#294508
Hoopy: hey, how was your holidays? Get anything good?
Psmylie: Couple of gift cards. you?
Hoopy: watch
Psmylie: ok, I'm watching...
*10 minutes pass*
Psmylie: I see you gave that lame joke all the attention it deserved. Well done.
Hoopy: My client crashed. What did you say?
#15840
<Lyon> erll, i'm ogg yo trsf snf dlrrp
<Lyon> oops
<Lyon> well, i'm off to read and sleep
<Derian> looks like you need all the dlrrp you can get.
#14137
<Miff`NickHunting> Have tragically nasty news
<Miff`NickHunting> Bath Bird, for those who dont know the people directly below me built a bathroom on the outside of their house and have a skylight allowing v. clear view of their bathroom antics, has changed
<Miff`NickHunting> Shes gone from being slightly ok to this new person
<Miff`NickHunting> Who I can only describe as..large
#8327
knobsthebear: How the hell did Korea find time between StarCraft and Diablo II to make it this far into the World Cup?
#15443
<ZondrZout> "you"
<teig> you what?
<Karyon> Euhm? just "you"
<ZondrZout> Yes, you
<teig> I'd what you?
<teig> I'd wad you... is that a good thing?
<Karyon> Yes, wadding is our special treat
<ZondrZout> Not many people get wadded by us
<Karyon> nobody yet, actually
<ZondrZout> No, we've never done it before now I think of it
<Karyon> in fact i havent even created tha alias yet...
<Karyon> Cuz we only just invented it
<ZondrZout> I've actually never ever heard of it before !
#52794
<Haplo> Just in case you guys didn't believe me yet.
<Haplo> The client bringing the desserts and drinks for the party just showed up.
<Haplo> This is an office of TWELVE PEOPLE.
<Haplo> And he brought:
<Haplo> two cakes, a cheesecake sampler, two bags of Lindt truffles, one of those large containers of cookies from the grocery store, two containers of fudge (one peanut-butter), mini-cupcakes, and four bags of assorted holiday candy (Twix, Crunch, Kisses, etc)
<AdP> Wow. That's a sugar coma waiting to happen.
<Fusilliban> Yes, and I must claim it as mine.
<tanuki> IS THERE A DENTIST IN THE HOUSE?
<Haplo> We're next door to the dental school yes.
<tanuki> Haplo: sure they didn't bribe the guy into bringing that much sugar?
* tanuki grumbles about his missing pastamastery
<Haplo> Actually tanuki, the point is that the guy is trying to bribe US to buy more of his products.
<AdP> Yeah, from the spread, I'm guessing the client is in the insulin business.
#1046
<tokage> i have emotional states: apathy and irritation, which would you like me to direct at you?
? tokage/#kuro5hin smirks
<ragabr> tokage: irritation if it leads to spankings and nipple clamps
<vsync> which one comes with a free beer?
<tokage> hmm..both probably
#7980
<techzen> fuck lsd
<techzen> i mean dsl
#62196
Wanker123: I believe im guilty of manslaughter...
Wanker123: I figure that ive killed a baby...
Getout432: What the hell did you do man?
Wanker123: Well ive calculated the average load i shoot off to have a mass of approx 1 gram
Wanker123: If you assume twice a day, 7 days a week, thats 14 grams per week
Wanker123: 52 weeks in a year, thats 782 grams per year, rounded up to 800 because of those extra large loads
Wanker123: Now ive been wanking for at least 3 years, which means ive expelled at least 2.4 KILOGRAMS of little children... now since they've all died... and a newborn baby probably weights about 2.4 kg...
Wanker123: Therefore, i submit, that im guilty of manslaughter, for killing enough mini-children to add up to a real child...
Getout432: You really need to get laid you fucking redneck
#42954
<piggy> god damnit, someone keeps ringing my p[hone and hanging up right before I answer
<kodd> can't you just call *10#
<piggy> but my phone doesn't have a 10...
#8926
<zita> hi im a 17 yers old girl from norway,i have birtday too day
<meyou> 17 year old girl from norway? doesn't that mean you're a 43 year old man from the U.S. ?