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#24166
dergrue: what's the name of that program that gives you a random meal to eat when you can't pick something?
barry: 'mom'
#42484
<Paratus> i don't have a girlfriend because that shit, in my experience, ends in pain and heatbreak and fucking angst and linkin park
Comment: #geekissues
#11422
<hobophobic> cant be fucked going to the toilet
<hobophobic> i reckon i'll piss out the window
<hobophobic> brb - pissing out my window
<Mr_J_Beam_1981> lol
<hobophobic> brb - pissed on my window
<Syncope> Yeah you gotta open it first
<hobophobic> :(
#29144
<Sydeshow> it was just way too odd this morning. Like. "why the fuck does my ass hurt!"
#33641
* VALIS is dumb.
<VALIS> but at least I have a thick cock.
<Bisclaveret> there was something on ene of them about japs vs chinese
<Bisclaveret> valis: can i quote you on that?
<Kurt> what are you going to do, tell chicks you have a big dick, then when they discover the truth say you were quoting someone on irc?
#28934
<fred> oh yeah and he asked me " the naval service is a fighting force. how do you feel about enemy forces dieing as a result of your actions?"
<Chris[ni]> lol
<fred> i repplied with : " i wanna kill all my life. killing is why i get up in the morning. you got anybody to kill around here?"
<Chris[ni]> did he ask "how do u feel about dieing?"
<Chris[ni]> whist reaching into his coat?
<fred> yeah. i can't remember much else.
<fred> except the police cars arriving.
#57641
<NiteHawk> My mom just caught me masturbating.. Dammit...
<Mikkel> Ah well, everyone does it man. Shit happens
<NiteHawk> Yeah but while I was about to blow the dog ran in, I was trying to push the dog out of the room when my mom walked in.
<NiteHawk> Lets just say its not a good site one hand on the dog, the other holding a kleenix full of jizz, and my pants half down.
<NiteHawk> The look on her face dood, she was mortified.
<Mikkel> >.<
#289
<rouge> you vegetarian?
<AlmtyBob> yah
<rouge> i'm sorry. :/
#295009
<airstrike> what do you reply to 'your kiss was still the best kiss i ever had'?
<airstrike> or most amazing, w/e
<MattTS> "Leave me alone dad..."
#296734
<glxblt> nice note in the dish cabinet from boss
<GargajCNS> "you're fired"?
<halcyon_> "You should be working"?
<andr00> "stop eating my sandwich"
<glxblt> "WHO IS THE DEAD COCKSUCKER WHO DOESN'T DO HIS DISHES?"
<glxblt> women can be quite hostile at some times i guess
#310758
<BadSpoon> I keep thinking... if I were the guy who actually used all the lifehacks he found online, I'd be the most annoying guy in the world
#276906
xxx: told my boyfriend I wanna wake up to oral pleasure
xxx: and I woke up in the morning, cuz he was trying to stick his dick into my mouth
xxx: fuck
#11611
Solo Herron: why did it have to be hot outside today?
Solo Herron: I mean I was like "hmm mind numbing boredness here in the cold library" walk out side "OH GOD THE EXCITMENT OF THE HEAT"
#23609
<Iori> Caerbannog, You might be a RedNeck if, Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
<Khamul> Iori, you might be a Retard if, You have a really Retarded Script that has no idea about, punctuation and Capitalisation
#39481
<fino> uh.. my mom bought me a vacuum cleaner today
<fino> i think that means "clean your flat, there are god damn dust bunnies everywhere"
<oLol> nah she prolly wants you to use it for masturbation purposes
#46079
<reddave1982> I got the 24-hr garage night shift blues
<Langly> what planet are you on that has 24 hour nights?
<microwiz> are there parts of earth that are dark for 24h? i know there are parts that are light for 24h
<FMalibu> well yes one implies the other
<FMalibu> probably antarctica or something is pretty much dark all day long by now?
* FMalibu imagines what kind of night shifts they have there...
<FMalibu> right, you'll be on pinguin duty...
<microwiz> PENGUIN GARAGE
<Langly> Terrapin Garage
<microwiz> insert "it looks like you blew a seal" joke here
#1029
<timmo> you know maybe we need a real woman in here to help us, give us a womans point of view cause i mean if i asked amanda what makes a man a badass
<timmo> how much you want to bet she would say something like
<timmo> great grammar and 100% kill rate in quake
#43730
<truth-> I was wrong, the KKK aren't racist, they're just portrayed that way by the insidious liberal media.
<truth-> It's all explained on their informative website.
<truth-> My eyes have been opened to the truth!
<truth-> A. We don't kill black people. This is another mis-conception about the Klan. What is true is that there have been men in the past who joined the Klan in order to benefit from the wearing of the robe and hood - to be able to commit a crime against some one they did not like. This was not the objective of the Klan, but only the prerogative of some misfits in the 60's.
<truth-> They don't kill black people... This question is so common they had to answer it in the FAQ.
Comment: Efnet
#28925
<fred> my kitten left little presents for me all around the kitchen this morning.
<Chris[ni]> cool, what did u get
<Chris[ni]> a bike?
#299844
<Jafet> How the hell does youtube order its comments anyway?
<FauxFaux> Most annoying first.
#41197
<zb> so like these two strings walk into a bar
<zb> one goes to the bartender...
<zb> "i'd like a jack and cokeEWdc#@@$@23Dwqxsa.xq. qwqw\0xx32
<zb> the second one says, "you'll have to excuse my friend, he isn't nul terminated."
<zb> :<
#947
(PhAmInE) Easter is canceled this year. They've found the body.
#14711
<Snacktify> what happens if a girl who is in the olympics is going to have her period during competition?
<deltax> then they put off the 100m cunnilingus for a week
<deltax> "this event cancelled due to bad turf" etc
#9611
<djglitch> my house is full of doctor's mask and water bottles
<djcrom> house party?
<djglitch> yea, hehe
#55842
<ame> and the other 3 hours were spent chatting up the female specimens
<herr_doktor> LMAO...
<herr_doktor> specimens? you plan on dissection?
<ame> no, just some good, thorough probing