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#56878
<Turtles> I really wouldn't mind if an old lady took a dump on my chest.
<Lovespuds> ...
<Lovespuds> ...Dude.
<Turtles> Er.
<Turtles> That was the wrong window.
<Lovespuds> Turtles, there is no such thing as the right window for that.
#297885
<Fox> so
<Fox> as you guys know I've been watching Voyager like nonstop the past week or so
<Fox> when my mom woke me up this morning, apparently I was asking her how we got back to the Alpha Quadrant
#20571
<ArcticFox> uugh.. I wish I had food.. all I have left are fudgecicles.
<Falkon> How much health do they give?
<Falkon> ...I did not just say that.
<ArcticFox> ...
<ArcticFox> THEY GIVE ME JUST ENOUGH HP TO KICK YOUR ASS.
#32408
(@noam`wm) Computer_Analysis_and_Proofs_that_God,_the_Creator_of_All_Things,_Did_In_Fact_Write_the_66_Books_of_the_Holy_Bible.txt - 31.12 KB
(@noam`wm) The Tanach - The Hebrew Bible (With Vowels).rar ----------------------------------- 1.69 MB
(@noam`wm) i wonder who's the idiot who's going to download the bible
(@noam`wm) god'll sue him for violation of copyrights
#9391
<Cienna> were you breast fed?
<Ragnarok> yes
<Ragnarok> recently in fact
#4583
<Spesh> It takes skill to climb the corporate ladder on your knees.
#2504
<iRalph> i'm not a cunt
<iRalph> although...
<iRalph> you are what you eat
#297766
<@monkey> so, is anyone else going to update their resume with "5 year google beta tester"?
#32107
<tinglanchio> i can't imagine you making a mother's day card
<tlozoot> I didn't
<tlozoot> although this is mighty fun
<tlozoot> I got her some yahoo shit
<tlozoot> heh
<tinglanchio> how thoughtful
<tlozoot> I dont' think she was too thrilled
<tlozoot> oh well.
<tlozoot> I tried... ok, I didn't try
<tlozoot> whatever
#2085
[rancid_mf] wow i need to be a better typer i dont know what is going on
(|Chris) typist*
[rancid_mf] ok im am idiot too
#49997
<B> what westlife songs have I sent
<Pokeytax> what possible gain can I derive from telling you
<Mullenkamp> what is a question mart
<Mullenkamp> k.
<Mullenkamp> question mark.
<B> we are too poor to go to the question mart
<B> that is why we have no question marks
<Mullenkamp> yeah, that would explain it
#301620
<max621> you built him a NAS out of transistors?
<TuxThePenguin> he was struggling to make whatever stupid circuit when we were mising one 4-gate NAND chip
<max621> lol
<TuxThePenguin> and I was like
<TuxThePenguin> "bitch I'll make it out of transistors"
<TuxThePenguin> he's all
<TuxThePenguin> "nuh uh"
<TuxThePenguin> long story short we failed the assignment
#56157
(+tfg) I wonder how far my punto could tow a caravan
(gez) nowhere without being illegal, otherwise anywhere downhill
(+tfg) how would it be illegal?
(gez) your licence wont cover it
(+tfg) wrong
(+tfg) as long as it's under 3 tonne I'm sorted
(gez) you sure?
(+tfg) I can drive a car + trailer up to a combined mass of 3500KG
(gez) who the fuck tows anything over 3 tons?
(Jani) aeroplanes weigh over 3 tonnes
(gez) true
(gez) i must remember not to tow mine to school tomorrow
(Jani) gonna fly it instead?
#55277
<@r0ger> i'm looking at the michigan sex offenders list
<@r0ger> and i already found 6 people i know
<@r0ger> 2 of them i work/worked with
<@ne0n> haha
<@shadow> LOL
<@shadow> nice
<@gHoTi> its cheatin to include yourself in people you have worked with ;)
<@shadow> rofl
Comment: #m1k3y
#26425
<moes_19> my god, In Iowa guys can fuck any woman once they hit 14
<Zac_D> that's more for the sake of the 14-year-olds than the guys
<Zac_D> there's not a lot to do in iowa
#28686
<Bank6000> What is the best way to approach a person who you are attracted to at a book store, library, animal shelter or football game shown on TV at a bar?
<CrustyNutz> You can do it put your ass into it!
<TheBrat> uummm personally just don't say some cheesy pick up line..
<xTrinityLuvx> yeah just be yourself
<speedracer> Kick her in the shin.
<speedracer> She'll remember you next time.
<Evil_Couch> zap her with a fucking tazer and then drag her back to your place
<Evil_Couch> by the time she wakes up, she'll be chained to your bed and she'll HAVE to love you or you'll cut her food ration in half.
#12263
<ducks> HOLY SHIT
<ducks> THAT WAS A MILKSHAKE?!?!?!?!
<ducks> AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
<ducks> og my god. that was disgusting.
<ducks> I had this cup on my desk
<ducks> for a few months
<ducks> thinking there was soda in it
<ducks> IT WAS A MILKSHAKE
#9102
* Gygaxis breaks a carrier pigeon in half and removes a cryptic message from inside, along with his lucky lotto numbers
#2861
[23:03] <`Jamesy> i am a raging homosexual.
[23:03] <`Jamesy> i am a raging homosexual.
[23:03] <`Jamesy> i am a raging homosexual.
[23:03] <`Jamesy> i am a raging homosexual.
[23:03] <exploding_elf> watch it `Jamesy, keep your fluids to yourself and dont flood
#44810
Bronxalicious> Best thing ever just happened
Bronxalicious> I'm cleaning up my room cause Brent's coming over with his comp right
Bronxalicious> But it's fuckin hot
Bronxalicious> So I take off my pants
Bronxalicious> and I'm just there in boxers vacuuming up thinking no-ones gonna see me
Bronxalicious> next thing my dad walks in, and i'm standing there with the vacuum cleaner and only boxers on
Bronxalicious> and my dads just :|
Bronxalicious> so me not thinking about what hes thinking about im like "hey you want a turn, im bored of this."
{[ Hman> LMFAO
Bronxalicious> and he just keeps staring
Bronxalicious> then walks off without saying a word
Bronxalicious> and then i suddenly realise that the vacuum cleaner is suspiciously near my crotch
Bronxalicious> so my dad now thinks i have sex with the vacuum cleaner
#10158
<vegetaandnappa> nothing, just pissed at my GAY mouse
<shqua> Your mouth has a sexual preference?
<shqua> Err...
<shqua> Mouse.
shqua (~shqua@net47-206.fhsu.edu) is now known as DrFreud
<DrFreud> Oh, my...
#23391
<incarnate> IM FUCKING BORED
<kevin> so go masturbate
<Arma> Masturbation would only give temporary relief.
<Arma> And a huge loss of chi.
<kevin> you'd also be killing potential children :|
<kevin> MURDERER!
<incarnate> lol
<kevin> i'm gonna use that one on my future kids if i ever catch them masturbating.
<kevin> "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!" "i was jerking it, dad!" "YOU MURDERER!!!!!!!!"
#35941
<pantherqs> y'know
<pantherqs> my chest-mounted expansion pack is starting to bother me, every few months out comes a bigger version
<pantherqs> time to lay off the fucking juice.
#46079
<reddave1982> I got the 24-hr garage night shift blues
<Langly> what planet are you on that has 24 hour nights?
<microwiz> are there parts of earth that are dark for 24h? i know there are parts that are light for 24h
<FMalibu> well yes one implies the other
<FMalibu> probably antarctica or something is pretty much dark all day long by now?
* FMalibu imagines what kind of night shifts they have there...
<FMalibu> right, you'll be on pinguin duty...
<microwiz> PENGUIN GARAGE
<Langly> Terrapin Garage
<microwiz> insert "it looks like you blew a seal" joke here
#33624
<eslice> i just got a vm from some random hick asking for doug
<eslice> wanted to know if i could do research on signature control for ground and air vehicles
<eslice> wtf?
<eslice> should i call back and act like i know wtf i'm talking about
<jestuh> lol only if you record it
<eslice> yeah i was just thinking about that
<hy\dro> yes
<hy\dro> that's what i did last week when some woman called me thinking i was her court-appointed lawyer in some contempt case against her ex-husband
<eslice> hahaha
<eslice> did you show up in court
<hy\dro> haha no i didn't show up, she eventually figured out what was going on
<hy\dro> i told her that i could just have her ex killed for her and nobody would have to know
<hy\dro> and she kind of stuttered
<hy\dro> then hung up
Comment: #GeekIssues