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#1547
<iMike> i was just thinking of hiring a man to service my septic system
<maff> is that the classy way to say you want to get fucked in the ass?
#6418
<suchness> my ear wax is pure black!?!?!?!?!
<suchness> WTF
#18080
<wombat> Bukkake is when a Mommy and a Daddy and a Daddy and a Daddy and a Daddy and a Daddy and a Daddy all decide that Mommy needs some special facial moisturiser
#31893
<HiddenGenius> dude, my microwave just cooked a frozen hot pocket in like 40 seconds
<HiddenGenius> my mom is freaking out, she made us take the microwave outside and now she's making us get tested for cancer
<HiddenGenius> I can't stop laughing
#6651
<Kron-Away> iam an accountant
<Kron-Away> 1,2,3,5,6,9,10
<Mr_Squidgy> kron what comes after 10 :P
<Kron-Away> my 15%
#18446
<RoyalBlood> hes like "my dad tells me all about cars cuz he downloads them from the internet" ...
<RoyalBlood> i would have slapped him if i was closer
* Fembot knows all about women 'cause he d/l's them off the Internet
#3935
*** Signoff: Morpheus (Connection reset by peer)
*** Morpheus (vanford@host-209-214-188-107.clt.bellsouth.net) has joined channel #relax
<Morpheus> argh.. that wasn't my speaker cable
#2789
<brucet> i pay for my internet access - i pay you to HELP me .. so someone better start to tell me how to do it or i'm going to complain about you to my ISP
<brucet> HAHA - you wont call me a lamer when u get sacked by the ISP - i have just wrote an e-mail to them now explaining that you wont help!!
#7391
<Kaff> the biker from the Village People died.
<Kaff> he died of lung cancer.
<Kaff> which just proves that getting a coq up the date will kill you in mysterious ways.
<Dane> kaff: no. you just misunderstood when the report said that he'd had too many fags.
<Kaff> haha
#30054
*** Signoff: usrbingeek (Quit: I patched Windows XP and all I got was this lousy reboot.)
#55298
<ChibiDazzy|SH> Time to finally finish Sonic Herpes.
<ChibiDazzy|SH> ...
<ChibiDazzy|SH> . . . . .
<ChibiDazzy|SH> dude
<Zero7> ...
<Zero7> XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
* Zero7 falls out of chair
<ChibiDazzy|SH> thats awesome.
<Zero7> GREATEST. TYPO. EVER.
<Proth> XDDDD
<CtrlAltDestroy> Sonic Herpes? That was so totally intentional.
<ChibiDazzy|SH> O and P are right by each other
<ChibiDazzy|SH> its an easy mistake
<CtrlAltDestroy> Oh.
#309169
<snacky> oh. FUCK you krut
<snacky> you are the worst person in the world
<snacky> I look forward to viciously murdering you to death a whole lot.
<snacky> hmm, that sentence is kind of unclear. I will clarify.
<snacky> I will viciously murder you to death a lot, and I also look forward to it.
<snacky> it's not that I "look forward a lot" to viciously murdering you to death
<krut> you look forward to murdering alot
<snacky> the death certificate will list the proximate cause of death as "vicious murder, a lot"
<snacky> although if the coroner isn't careful, he might not notice the signs of murder. in this case, he will identify the cause as "severe acute death"
<ShyJoe> which becomes chronic death after about a week
#785
(|Chris) bang her and change your phone number
#32616
<double_a> everytime I check in here its like a doctors office waiting room..........silence
* Mayseth coughs
<double_a> *sound of magazine page turning
#439
<Lyre-work> <-- soon to be my perm nick =(
#26268
t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
BlackAdder> i believe i speak for all of us when i say...
BlackAdder> WRONG BTICH
BlackAdder> IM SICK OF YOU
BlackAdder> AND YOUR LAME STORIES
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE THINKS YOURE FUNNY
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR STORIES
BlackAdder> IN FACT
BlackAdder> IF YOU DIED RIGHT NOW
BlackAdder> I DON"T THINK NOBODY WOULD CARE
BlackAdder> SO WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT FAG
*** t0rbad sets mode: +b BlackAdder*!*@*.*
*** BlackAdder has been kicked my t0rbad ( )
t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
CRCError> right
heartless> Right.
r3v> right
#43371
<silsor> I think Wikipedia has influenced my university writing style
<silsor> I just wrote "At this time, the Klan had turned to dynamite as a dispute resolution device"
#38430
<junipre> PERSONAL NOTE, MENTHOLATED ITCH RELIEF CREAM IS NOT A GOOD IDEA FOR ITCHY BALLS.
<junipre> i am away: shower (Left at: 06:29PM)
#296574
<jd998> nuh girls can 2
<jd998> but its not like our cum its like water but clear
<sweetangel13> rly?
<sweetangel13> i've never done it
<jd998> ok
<jd998> well how do u no when to stop
<sweetangel13> i dunno. it feels good for a while and i just decide to stop...
<sweetangel13> im afraid of my parents walking in
<jd998> y how do u do it
<jd998> liekon ur bed or with ur nikers on
<sweetangel13> at night i get on my bed and put my covers over me
<jd998> n wat
<jd998> pull ur nikers down
<sweetangel13> then i take my panties off and rub some vaseline on my fingers
<jd998> ok y vaseline
<sweetangel13> it makes it easier
<sweetangel13> then i stick my fingers in there...
<jd998> nice nice
<sweetangel13> and start moving it around.
<jd998> u got msn
<sweetangel13> no sorry
<jd998> fuk yer
<jd998> how many fingers have u had in ur pussy before
<sweetangel13> and eventually i get 2 fingers in there
<sweetangel13> then i put some vaseline on my other hand
<sweetangel13> and start rubbing my penis.
<jd998> wat
#140839
<snow_> going to go watch this video about a guy who masturbates
<snow_> 12+ times a day
<snow_> some uk channel 5 documentary called "i can't stop masturbating"
<snow_> this gay looking dude just wacked it in the bathroom of a convenience store
<snow_> and they got it on camera
<snow_> of like his upper body
<snow_> and him jacking away
<snow_> why did i download this
#15983
<gig103> I drove by the fire department the other day, and they had a big public awareness sign that read, "Are your house numbers visible?" I thought, "Who the hell cares? How about you just stop at the house that's on fire?!"
#28750
<@n0th1ng> i hate when shit intertwines with my dream, like im fucking some chick then i hear "hey, mow the lawn today"
<@n0th1ng> and im like WTF
#6547
<Soulphonat> My cat only speaks in analog
<Soulphonat> it's cute
#285
<BlackDeth> that was the night those gay dudes were hittin on me
<BlackDeth> and the one offered me money to go sex0r him
<BlackDeth> they prolly saw i was wrecked
<BlackDeth> and thought they could take advantage
<BlackDeth> boglins own
<ikkenai> so how much did he pay you
<BlackDeth> he didnt
<BlackDeth> he just offered
<ikkenai> oh
<ikkenai> so you did it for free
#3652
<blazemore> one time i was camping with a bunch of friends and me and this girl were sleeping next to each other and we were both laying on our sides with our asses touching and i accidentally farted