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#297665
<Strengths> I have this huge zit on the side of my nose :/
<subcontinental> Paint it gold or silver and it'll look like a peircing
<Strengths> that's ... brilliant!
#67390
<eieioh> i completely trashed my vocal cords this weekend while playing a few gigs with my band..i'm not supposed to talk
<eieioh> tonight i was at work and they put me on delivery instead of in the kitchen like i usually do
<eieioh> i made nine deliveries before 8, when we stop delivering..and all but two of the customers called to complain that i was rude and impolite because i didn't say anything
<eieioh> and my boss, whenever someone complains, wants the person who was complained about to apologize to the person complaining
<eieioh> but my boss wouldn't let me because of my voice. but finally i got tired of people calling..so i told him to let me take it
<eieioh> here's what i said to everyone.."sir/ma'am, i apologize for your dissatisfaction but i have esophagal cancer and this job is helping me pay my chemotherapy expenses."
<eieioh> my boss and i were laughing so hard, but it hurt so much to laugh i nearly puked.
<eieioh> one of them came in to give me a tip. :D
#6200
<barkode:#916> playing tribes for last 5 hours
<Pesto:#916> wow, you're still at work?
<barkode:#916> yeah.
#11688
<Hydrac7> nothing better than seeing the reaction on fellow classmates faces after explaining bukkake for them
<Alice`> Nothing better than seeing the reaction on fellow classmates faces' after demonstrating bukkake to them
<Aboshi> Alice: The reaction all over their faces.
#39042
<Denisu> Hello. Dutch helpers enable ?
<nkuttler> !dutch
<dpkg> i heard dutch is soome straangje laanguaage daat sussudio kjeeps spjeeaaking, or #debian.nl
#6270
<pipedream> one time i pee'd on the mcdonalds restroom floor
<pipedream> but it was a "statement"
#50274
<Shivra-Aphoditie> I don't want 2 sit here and be insulted!
<Vredig> Then the internet probably isn't for you.
#307664
<Crescens2k> well, there are some h-manga artists who think you can fit arms, legs and penises the size of your arm in there without any problem, so why not a horses head
#248521
<Ricks937> I have a totally awesome hat :)
<Chroder> is it one of those gay artsy hats
<Chroder> like the one the walrus in mythbusters always wears
#105808
<Foal> When I was younger (about 7 or 8), me and a neighbor kid had a game that we called "Danger Butt". Basically it involved us going out into some woods near where we lived, taking our pants off, and putting things, you guessed it, in our butts
#27523
<QuizMan> when I first got the internet my dad showed me porn
<waffy> he did?
<QuizMan> yes
<QuizMan> and he said do you like it
<QuizMan> and i said yes
<waffy> haha jesus.
<QuizMan> and he said TOO FUCKING BAD DONT GO THERE
<waffy> rofl
<waffy> your dad is awesome.
#309173
<SmallR2002> I was just thinking back to a previous job where a team lead when escalating to me told me to 'just open the DLL in word and use the comparison thingie to see what changed in an update (of the DLL)'
#24405
<carhartt> I would hate to be a op around here. It's be like running a daycare center for "special" children, except without the feeling that you're doing something worthwhile.
#1470
<isocat> onion headlines make me laugh out loud, even if i have my cock in my hand
#77107
Growly|Work: hahahah i bought an opengl book in russian from ebay
snoops: how'd that work out for ya?
Growly|Work: ... on the shelf
snoops: next to the learn russian book?
Comment: #OCNZ
#28522
*** Ettin|Succubi is now known as Moses
<Moses> /part #oceans
#282392
<sereni> What the hell.
<sereni> It's not my fault the kid came up to my fucking window and stood there for 5 minutes before his parents did anything.
<sereni> Yeah, I have blinds for a reason, but you're a god damn parent for a reason.
#16035
<^Baka^> I wish there was a unix command called train
<^Baka^> then someone would eventually have to type man train
#11892
<lb-> They kept telling me I couldn't talk to a doctor.
<lb-> I was like "Well, I drank a good amount of my own pee. I'D LIKE TO SPEAK TO A FUCKING DOCTOR."
#5608
<deimos> too bad I didn't beat up quatoria
<deimos> I'm his puppet apparently
<deimos> since he has his hand up my ass all the time
<deimos> plz to be removing that btw
#33887
<I|O> goin off to college
<I|O> mom got me a dehumidifer
<I|O> dad got me a humidifier
<xiao> stick em in yer room for a night. let them fight it out
#3776
<bin_Laden> Some English teacher got beaten to death a couple months ago.
<Morris> hahaha
<Morris> must've given an AP student a B
#12070
<Meeko-Priest> I was talking to a pimpin' ghost with my friends Lisa and Candace.
<Meeko-Priest> "Are you there?" Ouija Board: NO "Why not?" Ouija Board: SEX "Oh. Goodbye"
#8851
<Grumbledook> my mum told me off for saying fuck in front of her
<bodhi> hmmm
<bodhi> my dad bollocks me for saying piss in the house
<Grumbledook> :P
<dave> my mum told me off for shitting on a plate and putting it in the fridge
#11222
e l i t e m r p (11:56:26 PM): 80 dagrees 95% humidity
Tom McFarlin 4 (11:56:50 PM): yesterday it was 90 deg and 90humidity here
Tom McFarlin 4 (11:56:53 PM): so i can relate
e l i t e m r p (11:57:47 PM): yeah but im wearing a 300 pound suit of lard