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#63
<Moot> masturbatin time
<Moot> I'm livin dangerously
<Moot> I'm not gonan check to see if my mom is asleep yet
#299822
<^Migs^> something really weird happened to me last night
<^Migs^> So I'm just sitting up in my room, right? It's about 11:30, I'm on my laptop, and the doorbell rings.
<^Migs^> I'm like, wtf, but figure it must be a neighbor returning my cat or something dumb like that.
<^Migs^> So I answer the door, and this mentally handicapped kid just barges in.
<^Migs^> He's about 13 or so, and he's just frantically looking around. He tells me I have a nice house, wants something to eat, says he returned my cat, then gets distracted by something in the kitchen, all within about 5 seconds. The kid has an attention span of about 3 seconds.
<^Migs^> I actually recognized him from church. He has some sort of palsy, but I couldn't remember his name, so I have no way to contact his parents, and I don't have a clue where he lives.
<^Migs^> Meanwhile, the kid is just tearing through my house, asking me about everything he sees. He offers to clean my family room, turns on my wife's laptop, plays with the baby toys, asks about the Wii...just anything you can imagine.
<Biff> how did he find you?
<^Migs^> I was just the random house he picked.
<^Migs^> It took a lot of convincing and keeping him focused. But finally I get him to call his sister on the phone. He refused to call his mom, because "she was asleep" but I guess his sister was okay.
<^Migs^> So I get his sister on the phone, and get an address from her, and tell them I'll drive him home.
<Biff> he was that far from home that you had to drive him?
<^Migs^> Well, I open the garage door, and try to coax him into my car. He gets all upset over this, and says he'll just go to some other house.
<^Migs^> He was about 6 blocks from home.
<^Migs^> Anyway, he bolts out the door, and starts running down the street. So I get in my car to chase after him.
<^Migs^> Fortunately, the police were out searching the neighborhood for him, too, and they managed to catch him down at the corner, so I didn't have to go very far.
<^Migs^> They called his mom and told her where we were, so we all just hung out and waited. Apparently, it's not the first time he's done this, since the cops knew him quite well.
<^Migs^> The family locks the doors and stuff, but this time he got out through the doggy door.
<^Migs^> Best. Facebook status update. Ever.
#4637
<SDHawk> dreamweaver is for dense idiots
<OneiWilly> dreamweaver is good use it
<SDHawk> I rest my case
#57940
+ chedder - you know what would be the best defacement
+ chedder - if you print a screenshot of the website, wipe your ass with it, scan it and replace there website with that one image
+ chedder - of the site
+ chedder - with shit smeared all over it
% dDevil - Lmao
% dDevil - I must say, that is a good idea.
+ chedder - except it would get your scanner all pooey
#8875
<GoodScrat> my gf is twice your age
<db-x> goodscrat, twice is about the time i get her in a week
<GoodScrat> to do what, change your diaper?
#28507
<@John> why does there have to be sunlight
<@Luster> so us geeks know when to go to bed
#6871
Abyss: i deeply resent the use of the term 'purity' in any context with 'The Brothers Drunk.' :)
Phil: Oh I dunno. The purity of the alcohol is an important concept...
Dex: Yup, anything filtered through that many kidneys is going to have to be pure.
#54444
DarkBio Azriel: GOD!
DarkBio Azriel: WHY CAN'T MY STUPID CAT OBEY ME.
Lyon Darkheart: God's themesong.
Lyon Darkheart: And Ned Stark's.
Waddacku: It's a cat. They don't obey, they order.
ToasterStrube: Beacause it's not a dong Az
ToasterStrube: *dog
Lyon Darkheart: *snicker*
ToasterStrube: damn that was a bad typo...
Waddacku: It's not a dong, it's a pussy?
#16730
*** Pikachu has joined #Distro
<kurai> Gah. Fucken' Pokemon crap - hate it.
<kurai> Some twat in the office thought it would be "cute and friendly" to name all the servers etc after bloody Pokemon characters.
<kurai> The incident that mainly brought about this hatred was the time a particular SQL server fell over (yet again)...
<kurai> So I shout across the (full) office to a colleague "Oi ! Pikachu's just gone down on me again !"
<kurai> Mind you - it was amusing seeing one dumb bint snorting coffee out of her nose she was laughing so hard.
<Pikachu> ? ! I don't go down on pppl !!
<kurai> SO you are small, yellow, annoying *and* don't give head ?
<kurai> What a pointless life - top yourself right now.
*** Pikachu Quit (Ping timeout)
<basto> Wow - you are like some evil mind controlling Guru or somthin'
#2217
<kisama> my playlist is full of essential mixes
<var> essential to what? your pursuit of perfected queendom?
#14492
<PinkShirt> jt has a handicapped plate, because his penis is so small.
<PinkShirt> it's classed as a "sever disability"
<jtstocker> ha ya
<jtstocker> HEY! i dont have a fucking car
<jtstocker> asshole
#308772
<TheDancingLobster> yeah
<TheDancingLobster> i tend not to read code anyway
<TheDancingLobster> i just glare at it
#17784
<Zombie> sisters are good
<Sony> She is fat
<Sony> and she smells
<Sony> like bear
<Zombie> lol
<Zombie> perfect for you
<Sony> Yeah, I'd hit it
<Sony> Wait
<Sony> I mean now
<Sony> no*
#48568
[07:21] <jetlag> Oh wow, Chinese cars in summer 2007.
[07:22] <jetlag> I better start saving.
[07:24] <jetlag> Ok, done.
#21139
·xplosif· sif im lesbian
·xplosif· i just got my dick sucked!
•TwisTz• by a chick?
·xplosif· no a guy
#306764
<@carlsson> Today is the birthday of the IBM PC and the Berlin wall!
<@carlsson> I wonder which one has caused most grief and suffering.
#2428
<Snag> *beep*beep*
<Steil> snag you set off the gaydar again didnt you???
<Snag> funny
<Snag> :|
#29814
<Vex> Anyway, I'm off todo some meditation
<NSG> how do you meditate, and stay so evil?
<Vex> I became a buddhist on the weekend. Got rid of my evil side
<Vex> It's all gone. I'm no longer...alll...that...evil!
* _Mist_ craves a rootserv force-nick-change command right now
<_Mist_> /msg rootserv chgnick Vex Evil
* Vex clears his conscience
-NickServ- Nickname evil has been dropped.
* Vex feels more enlightened
* Vex eats some chocolate cake
#5902
<The_Roach> I hear you're pissed.
<A|exander> who told you that
<The_Roach> Anton said you went to the pub.
<A|exander> does it necessarily follow that i'm pissed?
<The_Roach> ...
<The_Roach> Well, yes.
<A|exander> well, it turns out you;'re right
<A|exander> but don't be so presumptious in future
#310827
<Kyol> Oh good! My dog's found a chainsaw!
<me_tew> That's one hell of a retriever, Kyol.
#48735
(Lurking) did you know that 62% of statistics are made up on the spot?
(Nick) did you know that joke is unfunny 100% of the time?
#305270
11-Jan-2011 <Lefty> Nugget: do you remember a game that involved a soccer ball bouncing down platforms in space for the Atari ST?
11-Jan-2011 <Nugget> we've had this disucssion before.
11-Jan-2011 <thumper^> Bring out the logs!
11-Jan-2011 <Lefty> I don't think I ever did find out the name of that game
11-Jan-2011 <Nugget> 08-Dec-2004 12:50 <LeftyWork> Do you guys remember an atari ST game that involved playing a soccerball that had to bounce on coloured tiles in space?
11-Jan-2011 <Nugget> 08-Dec-2004 12:58 <Nugget> TrailBlazer
11-Jan-2011 <Nugget> 08-Dec-2004 13:00 * LeftyWork hugs Nugget
11-Jan-2011 * Lefty hugs Nugget
#300090
<cpltn> how should i calculate if i got a picture that is 26530 x 8923 and i want to scale it down proportionally?
<OnErr0r> um.. math?
#63011
<mikeash> ok, look, if there's a specific problem that prompted you to come in here
<mikeash> then you should actually *ask about your specific problem*
<mikeash> asking us extreme generalities when you have a specific issue at hand just frustrates people
<mikeash> it's like going up to a construction site, asking all the workers there, "how do I build a house?" and then once they've given you a bunch of advice you reveal that your circular saw is broken and you're wondering how to fix it
#164029
<Stueh> Hehe we were joking around at work (she's a student there)
<Stueh> Her: Your hand is on my hip
<Stueh> Me: INCIDENTAL CONTACT
<Stueh> Her: You're standing awfully close
<Stueh> Me: It's a cramped working environment!
<Stueh> Her: You're staff, I'm a student
<Stueh> Me: ... I think you're hot.
<Stueh> Her: Me too.
<Stueh> *we both walk off in opposite directions*
<Stueh> So now, although we're cousins (but no one knows it) all her friends think we're dating =)