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#755
<saboteur> sometimes i wish i didtn have a penis
<saboteur> like when i get a wood standing up
<Damien> lol sab
<saboteur> and its hard to hide
<phase5> same
<phase5> or like, when your walking down the street
<phase5> and it hangs out the bottom of your pants
<phase5> and drags on the ground
<saboteur> haha
<saboteur> yeah exactly
<k> or when you lie down and planes crash into it
#1048
<DooD> <31hp 102m 60mv> You start fighting A mouse.
<DooD> A mouse ducks to the ground, narrowly avoiding your strike!
<DooD> A mouse skillfully dodges your assault.
<DooD> A mouse is in excellent condition.
<DooD> <31hp 102m 60mv>
<DooD> A mouse strikes you with terminal brutality!
<DooD> You are stunned, but will probably recover.
<DooD> wtf was that
<timmo> well
<timmo> a mouse whooped your ass
#56663
<@cristipengraffe> Exchange we just had:
<@cristipengraffe> Cristi: "I am at the mercy of my cookie whims"
<@cristipengraffe> Jeph: "Well, I am at the mercy of my occasional booze whims"
<@cristipengraffe> Cristi: "Well, my whims do not effect my liver function"
<@cristipengraffe> Jeph: "Well, MY whims don't effect the size of my butt"
<@cristipengraffe> Cristi and Jeph: "Touche"
Comment: #qc
#306433
<Crowbar> grg: no it's not hemriaging, but it's not profitable.
<kyleman7> hemorrhaging
<grg> hemorrhoids
<spacey> just remember any word with 'rrh' in it is bad news.
<spacey> diarrhea, hemorrhaging, gonorrhea
<grg> rhinorrhagia
<grg> fancy word for nose bleed :D
<grg> Rhacophorus achantharrhena
<grg> a frog!
<spacey> frogs are bad news. Just ask the people at Jurassic Park
<grg> Collared Sparrowhawk (Accipiter cirrhocephalus)
<grg> lol... this one is the best
<grg> acephalorrhachia
<grg> "congenital absence of the head and spinal column"
<spacey> yeah, I'd say that's pretty bad news
#66954
* eml pokes suve in the eye
<@suve> :O
<@eml> No, you mean .O
#30
<pezmasta> my band is gonna be called: rage against the answering machine
#301342
<DrSunglass> So, my family just upgraded to HDTV satellite TV.
<DrSunglass> The thing I notice most is that the fine print in commercials is now clearly legible.
#16379
<outcaste> ROTFBMALFO!
<outcaste> Rolling On The Floor Because My Artificial Limbs Fell Off
#32556
<+detz> I know in PHP you can do file('url'), is there something like that in perl?
<+foobos> detz, perldoc LWP::Simple and its get()
<+Azhrarn> `lynx --dump`
* Leolo slaps Azhrarn
* Azhrarn cackles
* tgr `dumps` Azhrarn's body somewhere
<+Azhrarn> AHH! I'M IN #MIRC
<+Azhrarn> HELP MEEEEEEEEEEE
<+Azhrarn> ...so cold...
Comment: #perl@efnet
#21278
afkun: "funkymonkey> My band is called Imation CDR 74m 650 MB....have you seen our CD's?"
Pixie7186: wtf?
Pixie7186: i dont get it...
afkun: ally, look at your CD-Rs.
afkun: what do they say?
afkun: now scroll up and re-read the statement.
Pixie7186: hahahaha
Pixie7186: thaats so funny
Pixie7186: lol
#101437
<Asuka_Aogiri> I mean, when I pet my cat while she's in heat, I think to myself 'This is the closest I'll get to touching a horny female in my entire life...cool.'
<Shinra> You stroked that hot pussy, eh?
<Josh_Aogiri> ...that's the most disturbing thing you've ever said.
<Asuka_Aogiri> Totally.
#11602
<lawnhorn> i am a tool
<lawnhorn> i fix therefore i am
#55857
digmikey: the longest i had sex was 1 hour 10second. but was the day we set the clocks ahead.
#852
<doraemon`> one of my best friends sells herself for 150 bucks a trick
<doraemon`> she rules
#3526
<Korben> tits
<darkraZor> yes, tits
<Soopa> i agree
<darkraZor> ...indeed
#23982
Gud> woah.. eating while tranquilised in your mouth isn't exactly an easy task. :D
dhn> dentist?
Gud> yeah
*** dhn hands Gud a straw
Gud> dhn: straw?
dhn> Come on, you know how to suck ;)
#25503
<jonathans> brooklyn rules
<jonathans> some dude just leaned on his horn in his old italian mobster car and it played the theme to the godfather
#6828
<tweet> does n e one else's gf ever told them they wanna fuck you with a strapon?
<Nekorin> Good news, Tweet, you have a girlfriend.
<Nekorin> Bad news, she's thinks you're gay.
#307555
Sarig: problem with satelites is ping
Sarig: You don't know what lightspeed is until you try to game over a geostationary satelite
#42659
<RHX> Winamp playing: Various - The Waterboys / Whole of the M
<RHX> ID3 tags don't get the whole of the na
#50388
<Slater_> I HATE sticky keys!
<Slater_> I specifically remember being just about to take that perfect headshot in Counter-Strike, tapping the shift-key to sneak a bit forward for a clean view. ...and then...
<Slater_> "Hello! We think you must be severely handicapped, since you just pressed the shift key. We will now close your game and teach you a bit about using your computer with no hands. Love thy Windows experience!"
#462
<achan> DigDug: 'ascetic' is maybe the word you're looking for
<DigDug> ascetic?
<DigDug> I don't know such a word. :/
<achan> someone who lives a monastic life outside of a monestary
<DigDug> Ahh.
<DigDug> Is there a term for someone who lives a monastic life on the Internet?
<Medieval> yes, e-scetic.
#2496
<Carisear> Ever since i put the "Tires by Firestone" bumper sticker on my car, no one seems to tailgate me anymore.
#55277
<@r0ger> i'm looking at the michigan sex offenders list
<@r0ger> and i already found 6 people i know
<@r0ger> 2 of them i work/worked with
<@ne0n> haha
<@shadow> LOL
<@shadow> nice
<@gHoTi> its cheatin to include yourself in people you have worked with ;)
<@shadow> rofl
Comment: #m1k3y
#20062
(note! i know the last one i sent you guys was just a copy of what you already had but this one is halarious)
<draito5> 35
<35man> yeah?
<draito5> last night i she dumped me
<draito5> SHE DUMPED ME MAN!!
<35man> Who? Claire?!
<draito5> yea
<35man> Hey listen, I'm really sorry about that, how you holding up?
<draito5> not good bro i nearly killed myself
<35man> awww come on, it can't be that bad.
<draito5> no seriously!!! i was sitting in the bathroom and i
took my razorblade and i was just shaving when i thought, whats the use
and then i seriously started thinking about it
<35man> wow. holy shit. did you end up doin it?