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#294867
<tetsu2051> (url to girl on facebook)
<tetsu2051> look at this
<packeterror> your so smitten
<tetsu2051> yes I am
<tetsu2051> that's why she should be mine
<tetsu2051> look at those eyes...
<tetsu2051> the eyes of a tiger
<tetsu2051> I want to
<tetsu2051> I don't know what I want to do
<tetsu2051> but damned if it probably involves my penis
#11230
<David> topic lock off ?
<David> how
<David> ?
<DJ-Pyro> /msg chanserv help
<SSJ4xVegeta> how do i group my nicks 2gether
<DJ-Pyro> /msg nickserv help
<DJ-Pyro> you'll notice a pattern
#33820
<Brynneh|w3rk> im doing my girlfriend all weekend
<Brynneh|w3rk> lol whoops
<Penfold> doesnt stop
<Brynneh|w3rk> *doing stuff
<Brynneh|w3rk> *doing stuff with
<Cavey> I shall mention that quote to her when I next se her
<Brynneh|w3rk> that was the mother of all typos
#24549
<Otto> I froze up during a school play once
<Otto> Then I remembered what my teacher said
<Otto> "Imagine them naked!"
<Otto> So I did and I got a big hard on and ran off stage
#9955
<BiT`> I mastered most of ChanServ's basic commands in just two weeks
#140733
<pulse> i remember when i was 16
<pulse> i applied to a dunkin donuts by me, because they were hiring for cashiers
<pulse> 3 weeks later, i hear nothing
<pulse> i go in there after and guess what i see
<pulse> a fucking chick with down syndrome standing at the register being taught by the manager how to use it
<pulse> that made me not want to apply for a job ever again
#38705
* chupachipmunk touches his heart... area
* TallestSilver tries to touch her heart area, but smacks her boob instead
<TallestSilver> Ow....
<chupachipmunk> Hah
* chupachipmunk can touch his chest without hitting boob
<TallestSilver> FUCKIN' BOOBS! I'LL TEACH YOU TO GET IN MY WAY!!!!!!
* TallestSilver slices off her breasts with a rusty dagger and tosses them away
* chupachipmunk hand Silver some hydrogen peroxide
<Lucifer> yknow, that reminds me of something...
<Lucifer> you've all heard of the Amazons, right?
<chupachipmunk> They are the ancient all-female race who patented one click shopping
#5956
<@Bojangle> My mom tells me I need to get laid
#58694
<Klaxon> Dammit... I'm trying to work with this ridiculously religious client...
<Klaxon> He can't set up his forum because he's refusing to chmod 666 :(
#9192
<les_savy_fav> all i know is mr.Ed was really a mr, because he went on to have a distinguished career as a porno actor in denmark
#2085
[rancid_mf] wow i need to be a better typer i dont know what is going on
(|Chris) typist*
[rancid_mf] ok im am idiot too
#19782
<HardKase> i work for an isp , there is no "lets piss off the customers" button
<HardKase> ive looked for it
<||Rune||> we dont have a button
<||Rune||> we have to do it manually
#9985
<HankMcCoy> I am so fucking h0nry today, I don't know what's wrong with me. It's like someone is licking the crotch of my voodoo doll.
#54312
<markos_64> GreyKnight: any idea on what to do with a router that screams on contact with holy water?
<markos_64> it seems to have real fun dropping, duping, or delaying my packets
<GreyKnight> Carefully open the cover
<GreyKnight> Poke inside with a screwdriver
<GreyKnight> Dodge any sparks and/or angry ancestors
<markos_64> Bob already suggested that i use a hammer
<GreyKnight> Then, replace the cover
<GreyKnight> and very very carefully
<GreyKnight> sell it on eBay to some poor sucker and buy a new one with the proceeds
<markos_64> shut the fuck up. i already bought it on internet auction.
<markos_64> i'm not going to ever do it again.
<GreyKnight> See? It worked for the previous owner.
#303208
<GauHelldragon> G-Flex
<GauHelldragon> how many cubic milliliters can you fit in a bathtub
<G-Flex> what is a cubic milliliter
<G-Flex> you're going to have to ask me in units that aren't hyperdimensional
#8265
* The_Paco went to the GE appliance store today, crouch-walked up to one of the large black super-fridges, ran my hand over it while humming the theme to 2001, stood up, and smacked my bud... they threw us out shortly thereafter.
#107199
<mc44> dd, a dump, a data dump / read a line from standard in / $USER, the name I call my self / make - a long long time to run / .so a library that is shared / .ko it's not the same as .so / tee, a redirect with in and out / and brings us back to dd d d d
Comment: freenode: #ubuntu-offtopic
#55838
<altoid> so this ~20 year old walks up with his mom to the register
<altoid> and she's paying with a check
<altoid> so our cashier asks her for ID to verify
<altoid> and he says (jokingly): "why do you have to be such a bitch?"
<altoid> (to the cashier)
<altoid> and his mom turns to him, and says with a concerned tone:
<altoid> "you're gonna have a lot of success with the ladies"
<altoid> the guy: "..."
<altoid> the cashier couldn't even be mad at him for calling her a bitch
<altoid> i think if my mom told me that, i'd have to go kill myself within 5 mins
Comment: the Gap
#38925
<cab86|away> aparently most americans seem to think races go are: caucasian, african-american, hispanic, asian, native-americans.
<Mech> yes
<cab86|away> wich i think it's a complete idioticy
<Ptolemy> And don't forget Nascar.
<Ptolemy> That's a race.
#617
<SYch0> where do you specify how many levels of a web page you want to save when you save it? :|
<enar> just use teleport pro and like have it save only .jpgs over so many kb :/
<DigDug> use teleport pro or wget
<SYch0> cuz im saving as a single file
<SYch0> im not saving porn!
<enar> why would you save a webpage then :/
#40995
Rich: Guess who visited my little brother's middle school yesterday?
Rich: Go on, guess.
Rich: It starts with a "G" and ends in "FUCKED UP OUR NATION"
#14331
[Lyme] My granpa is seriously nuts. When my parents went to visit him for his 60th anniversary thingie, he wore 1 dangly woman's earing and a gilligan hat.
#45629
RuKK0R: you know.. I was just looking at the official list of the most shoplifted items in the good ol US of A
RuKK0R: 1) painkillers
2) home pregnancy tests
3) razor blades
4) preperation H
5) baby food
6) condoms
RuKK0R: the first thing I had to wonder, upon looking over this list..
RuKK0R: if condoms had been higher on the list, would have baby food and pregnancy tests been lower?
jmlsteele: what I'm wondering is why is preperation H on the list.
jmlsteele: the rest "make sense"
jmlsteele: suicide, teen pregnancy, suicide, ????, teen pregnancy, to avoid teen pregnancy
jmlsteele: how in the hell does preperation H fit into that?!
#11708
<Nighters> I've decided that if i'm not happy when i'm 40 i'm going to kill 2-3 people who are like 18-19 with BRIGHT ASS FUTURES
#310326
< Spengo> so
< Spengo> I met up with one of my transgender friends who I haven't seen in forever
< Spengo> had a child
< Spengo> now he's transparent
< ryantmer> Somewhere, a drummer did a rimshot, and they have no idea why
< xmc> so technically you still haven't seen him
< ryantmer> Ha!