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#46666
< tittyfuckosaurus> I love kidneys
< tittyfuckosaurus> not much else though, not liver or tripe or brains
< tittyfuckosaurus> or tongue
< tittyfuckosaurus> well, I like tongue, but only if it's applied to my penis
< bazzy> i'm the same with liver
#33457
<Ethel> Actually, if we're talking about Spam, I kept a tin of Spam all the way through university. For my 21st birthday, a group of friends and I ceremonially openned it in the EE&E common room and had Spam, ketchup and white bread sandwiches
<Matt> and then puked your little guts up?
<Ethel> The only thing we'd forgotten was a knife to cut the Spam, so we used a protractor instead.
<Matt> Ethel: hardcore engineers
<Ethel> This adventure was reprised at my wedding reception
<Clive> Ethel: You fed people spam at your wedding reception?
<Ethel> Clive: no, I nipped to the loo after the starter and returned to discover that my cutlery had been replaced with a geometry set and that I was being served Spam, white bread and Tesco Value ketchup.
<Ethel> I was touched
<Clive> You were touched while still in the loo, or when you got back to the main room?
<Clive> Surely it's against the norms of etiquette to touch the groom at a wedding?
<Ethel> Clive: now that would be telling
#297804
*** Alver hums a cheery tune
*** griffon trys to figure out why libpthread.so is being linked to his app
*** ianj buys a domain name
*** TriOx jailbreaks his iphone 3GS
*** Alver steals TriOx' iphone, runs a webserver on it, hijacks ianj's domain, makes it show goatse.cz from the httpd on the iphone, and lures griffon into thinking it's a page on libpthread.so
<Alver> MO-MO-MO-MONSTER KILLLLL
#199397
<@DigDug> should i do something nice for my sysadmin this friday?
< Thero> get him a cupcake
< Thero> with a little candle in it
<@Rjx> chmod all your files so you can't access them anymore
<@Rjx> then ask him for help
<@Rjx> it'll make him feel needed
Comment: #geekissues
#56413
[DJF] Blake, maybe demons have infiltrated ur computer
[+Blake[LTD]] i seriously doubt it
[+Blake[LTD]] i have exorcism software
[DJF] omg the best kind ?
[+Blake[LTD]] compiled by the pope
#14308
* EndersShadow remembers erector sets, you had to buy several before you had enough parts to have a big erection
#50161
<Infer|NHS> Oh shite, guess I'm not applying to NHS.
<pr0fessor> why?
<Infer|NHS> Didn't read forms, need references.
<Infer|NHS> Due first thing tomorrow. So it goes.
<CiA10386> You could just make them up! :-D
<CiA10386> Put me down as an international documtarist and war corrospondant and when they call me up, I'll just start fucking screaming over the line and hang up.
#47292
<sleepwlkr> Oh gosh, I met a really annoying Yankee bitch a moment ago at Rautatientori Square. She and her family were looking for a restaurant where they could get decent meat. First I thought I'd guide them to a good eating place, but that stupid cow complained about everything all the time and specified what the restaurant SHOULDN'T be like, so I told the whole family the way to a gay bar and said "Only the best for the lady".
<sleepwlkr> I just had to go to a pub opposite the gay bar for a beer and see their faces when they come out
<sleepwlkr> Well the bitch was yelling at her husband whose face had turned red with anger. Their kids seemed to be just laughing at the incident :-)
<sleepwlkr> Now I'm a bit disappointed that I didn't bring my camera with me.
Comment: Translated from Finnish to English.
#34564
<ChrizzNL> err this is a C++ help channel, right?
<oracel> a what?
<ChrizzNL> what kinda channel is this??
<oracel> a channel for people with the rare blood decease Rhesus C plus (plus)
<ChrizzNL> woops
#39765
<bball> it's for single computer geeks who live in their mom's basement eating hotpockets and Mountain Dew while whacking off to video games
* Lost buys it
#27658
[GrasMan] when i heard that holly jones' murderer was a software developer for MDS i though 'Hey, that means a job opening'
#49854
<circusbred> my first time was horrible
<MK|AmericanRetard> lol
<Athlete> my first time was with a bitch of a tease and now i wish i hadn't
<circusbred> i wouldn't wish that on the 'right girl'
<MK|AmericanRetard> ROFL
<Athlete> cus we fucked for like 15 mintues and just as it were getting good
<Athlete> she stopped and started laughing
<MK|AmericanRetard> AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
<circusbred> ohhh
<Athlete> fuckin bitch
#11827
<|nLv|Dasyati> a haiku by Dasyati
<|nLv|Dasyati> LOLOL
<|nLv|Dasyati> ROFLMAO
<|nLv|Dasyati> STFU fag
#35458
<elitotaco> a 3 legged dog walks into an old western saloon, walks up to the bar tender and says "I'm looking for the guy who shot my paw"
<Kennef> that joke just made my daughter cry, elitotaco
Comment: from newnet's #fark
#16568
<clubransom> I want my isp to block this 900 number stuff.
#36405
<AdamR78> i told the headteacher i'm a ladyboy :|
<AdamR78> i meant to say, i'm a chelsea boy, lady
<AdamR78> and instead i said i'm a chelsea ladyboy
#16509
<yesyouam> marijuana and unix permissions don't mix
#33402
Frylock: that was the best conversation ever!
Pie: what was?
Frylock: i was getting stoned at a friends house last night, so i called him a few hours ago to pick me up and i asked where he was and he says "jail, where are you?"
Pie: lol
Frylock: "WHAT?!" "I'm in jail, the place with the cops and the prisoners"
Pie: lol o_o
Comment: True Story...He got out the same night.
#765
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft ... and the
only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
-- Wernher von Braun
#8814
<Night-hen-gayle> I gotta go. There's a dude next to me and he's watching me type, which is sort of starting to creep me out. Yes dude next to me, I mean you.
#2489
<pesert> Command line?
<pesert> Is that like a special cable?
#27944
<tmoenk> Alan Grimes..
<tmoenk> People have said that i have an infinite supply of patience.
<tmoenk> Alan Grimes spent infinity in just four days.
#20866
<hydro`> i had this weird dream
<hydro`> someome broke into the house
<hydro`> and changed the wallpaper on the computer and left
#19677
<[EFU]psyk0mantis^gK> BLINK BLOWS MEN COCKS
<+TlMMAH> as opposed to women cocks?
#17429
<BluBandit> hello kitty is one cat i'd like to violate