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#2402
<intra> I want to propose to my wife with a giant foam #1 finger instead of a ring.
#33260
<jonathans> that is so old that telling people that it's old has gotten old
Comment: #GeekIssues on EFNet
#16857
<roman> as soon as i wake up, i'm going to the atm to get 200 bucks..
<roman> then i'm ordering a whore
<foobar> haha roman no you're not
<roman> dude, i called one today and she was like "do you need company for tonight?" and i was like "well, maybe" and she was like "for 200, i stay an hour and a half, we get naked and we get nasty"
<roman> you order them like pizza, dude
#25228
<Scofco> I neeeeed to gain weight
<Scofco> speaking of which, gonna go make dinner
* Scofco is away: making lasagna L:on, P:on
*** Scofco is now known as Scofco-away
*** Scofco-away is now known as Scofco
* Scofco is back from making lasagna. Awaytime 1min 14secs.
<Scofco> so much for that plan
<Jason> Wow, that was quick.
<Scofco> opened the freezer and saw some ice cream
<Idioteq> MASTER CHEF
#14697
<kRadD3ViL> fUk1n n0n-31337 h4x0rz! t4lk l1k3 n00bZ!!!!
<evildewr> hey, i used to speek like that.. but it don't make you leet with women
<kRadD3ViL> WhY u s4y d4t n00b?
<evildewr> cuz my girlfriend dumped me for using numbers when we communicated
<kRadD3ViL> u h4d a g1rlfr13nd? fuk1ng 31337!!!!! g1rls s0und 1337!
#14214
<Ryan> my mom was killed by mobile phones
<mal> she has only herself to blame
<Ryan> no really, she was using it in a storm
<mal> and?
<Ryan> lightening
<mal> then what?
<Ryan> mobile phone truck ran her over
#50674
<psych> Huh. Fancy that.
<psych> Scientific discovery: ducks will eat McDonald's chicken nuggets.
<psych> This is either avian cannibalism or a damning critique of McD's...
#32485
<SemenExit> WTFWTF
<SemenExit> I HAVE LOADS OF VIRUSES
<SemenExit> I had NONE 2 days ago
<Maglev> SemenExit: How many times do you use Kazaa a minute?
#30939
<RageAgainstTheAmish> brb making smores
<RageAgainstTheAmish> FUCK MY OVEN IS ON FIRE BRB
<RageAgainstTheAmish> HOLY FUCK MY KITCHEN IS ON FIRE
<RageAgainstTheAmish> OMFG
<RageAgainstTheAmish> BRB AFK
<RageAgainstTheAmish> OH MY GOD DUDE IM CALLING 911 BRB
<ducky[kC]> lmfao
<ducky[kC]> poor joe
*RageAgainstTheAmish Quit (Connection reset by peer)
#309086
Charlie: next door have been drilling for like 2weeks non stop
Charlie: what the fuck are they making
Richard: holes
#37314
<Redd_Jedi> When people say "Have you been penetrated" does that mean have they been shot?
<Plog> o_O
<Squirtle> O_O
<Redd_Jedi> What?
<Plog> Redd_Jedi: When you have a man and a woman.
<Redd_Jedi> WHOA WHOA WHOA I DONT LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING
<Plog> they order a bird to drop a baby down their chimney.
<Plog> And the baby is penetrating the chimney you see. >_>
<Redd_Jedi> So that's what it means <_<
#301600
Ariel: i can't find my bball practice uniform
Ariel: he's gonna make me run all practice
Bryan: D:
Ariel: I checked the wardrobe, the laundry the closet and still can't find it
Bryan: check the bed!
Ariel: It wouldn't be there
Bryan: i once found a hammer in the fridge don't tell me you can't find clothes in a bed
#49080
<mindule> they need to make a new game
<mindule> to occupy my time
<mindule> Make a game that'll /blow my mind/
<WolfLord> its called RUSSIAN ROULETTE
#34475
<Josho> haha fox fucked up
<Josho> caption: BRUTAL DAY
<Josho> bitch is talkign about people dead in iraq
<Josho> and there's this video of a guy skiing
#15612
<drunkers> hey what name am i under?
<[Piratez]> drunkers
<drunkers> what?
<[Piratez]> huh?
<drunkers> i asked what name am i under?
<[Piratez]> drunkers you fool
<drunkers> never mind ill ask someone else
#32865
<Moosey5> how come only like 3 ppl r talking but there a whole lot of other ppl?
<Moosey5> jw
<Happy_Noodle_Davey> eh?
<Moosey5> nvm
<Moosey5> asl every1!!
<Moosey5> 14/m/fl
<Moosey5> ok
<Moosey5> im bored
<Moosey5> im gonna go bye
*** Moosey5 (~Moosey5@a763dad.25ea667f.client.mchsi.com) Quit (Client Exited)
<Happy_Noodle_Davey> And the room's IQ goes up by 50 points!
<Amy> Huzzah!
Comment: If you leave 'em alone, the problem usually fixes itself...
#28781
<Ab0mination> I sleep on a bunk bed yeah, which is only accessbile by a ladder and last night I must've been dreaming or something because I woke up screaming about my ladder being taken off my bed so I couldn't get down
<Ab0mination> And I dreamt that there was a badger sleeping at the end of the bed
<Ab0mination> So in sheer terror I jumped from my bunkbed down onto the floor at 3am.
<Ab0mination> I've now got to go to the vet to get my cat checked out because I landed right on him as he was sleeping on my floor and squashed him. (he's a deaf fuckwit)
<Ab0mination> My parents and sisters are not speaking to me.
<Ab0mination> Because they found me kneeling down beside the limp cat yelling manically at it and waggling my fingers at it like the Borg of Star Trek do.
<Ab0mination> Apparently I was screaming: "I am Locutus of Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile".
#18619
<@FiveNine> sailor moon is hot
<@FiveNine> they should just make that series a porno
<@kmad> yea for like 15 yearold
<@FiveNine> yeah
<@kmad> i wouldn't do her though
<@kmad> id get papercuts all over my dick
#74243
<Omi> My brother thought it'd be funny to take keys from my keyboard and put them around the house
<Omi> And where he hid them depended on the key, so it was relevant in some way
<Omi> So he put the 'T' in the kitchen
<Omi> The up arrow on some porn mags
<Omi> The insert key in my stash of condoms
<Omi> The 'P' key in the bathroom
<Omi> The Print Screen key beside the digital camera
<Omi> The Delete key in the bin
<Omi> And the Escape key on an old French holiday brochure
#301550
<ryg> some architectures seriously make you want to staple your palm to your face to save yourself a lot of effort
#5431
<FutabaAoi> i know none of you shower
<Jakov> I shower 40 times a day fool
<FutabaAoi> golden ones dont count
#3076
<foolsCAP> how much is an abortion? i want to get my girlfriend a gift certificate for one for valentines day
#44284
<rhyswynne> can you overclock a vibrator?
#30460
<magaggie> fucking isp.
<SorcererX> is the isp good at it?
<magaggie> no, it's horrible
<magaggie> it only lasts four hours
<magaggie> though, it does rebound quickly... usually...
<SorcererX> and then you're at it again.. for a whole 4 hours?
<magaggie> yes.
<magaggie> i have good stamina
<magaggie> sometimes i'm at it for 18, 20 hours...
#52088
<samuraisam> Whats worse than a cold toilet seat? A warm one. It makes you think "why is this toilet warm?". Then you understand that it is warm because..