Random | Latest | Best | Full Site
#5489
<Entomorph> you know what cracks me up.. trojan condoms, hehe.. I mean if you think about it, a trojan horse was really full off all these little men, and it was a trick to get them inside the fortress.. once inside, the horse BUSTS open, and all the little men come flowing out
#6371
*** Quits: Jenn|fer (If you are reading this, you wasted 3 seconds of your life.)
<GE> actually, it only took me about 1.5 seconds to read
<File13> if i only wasted 3 seconds of my life, i'd be happy. but according to the timer on mIRC, i have 2074 hours on this install so far.
#302269
Vasir: there was an evil dick staring at me all day
Mel: O_O WTF.. um are you okay?
Vasir: yeah i'm fine. it was starring me down through the windows all day though. i'm pretty sure it had malicious intent
Mel: Are you okay?
Vasir: yes.
*10 minutes or so pass*
Vasir: you know Mel, we never talk much anymore...
Mel: I know, but Vasir, why are you talking about dicks?
Vasir: I'm not?
Vasir: OH FUCK. I meant DUCK! AN EVIL DUCK WAS STARRING AT ME! NOT AN EVIL DICK!
#36558
<Rjx> when a friend of mine wrote me a birthday card, she wrote "happy birthday!!1111"
<Rjx> with the ones actually included
Comment: #geekissues
#48318
<Ryouko> yo feed me german sentences to say to him
<ViscountPherget> ich will deinen Rücken küssen während ich dir meinen Schwanz einführe
<Ryouko> ok, lol
<Ryouko> what does that mean btw
<ViscountPherget> let me kiss your back while I insert my cock into you
<Ryouko> AW FUCK MAN
<ViscountPherget> lol
#7990
<Diamond> There's about 800 people tied up in my basement.
<Prophet> Oh my
<Prophet> What do you use them for?
<mordac> They really bring the room together, you know?
#18754
<Tac0> FiZi
<Tac0> are u connected to the internet?
<FiZi2> What the fuck do you think
#60437
[pd] fuck
[pd] i just remembered why i never got on aim/msn any more
[pd] fuckin people talk to me
[pd] HEY MAN LONG TIME NO SEE
[pd] for a reason you fuckfaces!
#144222
<tarepanda> My parents lived in a village called Scotland.
<tarepanda> So they named me... Scott.
<tarepanda> I endured so much teasing for so many years.
<tarepanda> Scott from Scotland went to Scotland Elementary... and our mascot was the Scotland Scottie.
<LightFang> did you let them get off...scot-free?
#19865
<strlen> vw buses rock.
<gibichung> i don't think the buses rock on their own
#4013
<Joshua> how's the recording going?
<Joshua> or the whole band thing i guess... haven't heard much as of late...
<Lexx> like a dead paraplegic snail, nailed to a dead paraplegic badger that has been cemented into the foundations of a building
<Joshua> umm... was the snail dead before it was nailed to the badger?
<Lexx> they were both stillborn
<Lexx> as were their parents
<Alamias> Sounds like my sex life
<Joshua> wow...
#31531
<[J|F]> It's freaky when porn has good stereo sound, it feels like I forgot to turn off my speakers and everyone can hear.
<[J|F]> oh shit.
#452
<ck3k> blaze has a job, it's called "leech off parents"
#75815
Scolcite: How do I fuck a fat girl that lives 45min away without actually dating her?
Scolcite: She keeps talking about how she LOVES to suck cock, so she's got me, there is nothing I can do. I just don't want to be stuck with her
Drimmie: fat girls dont want love, they want burgers. fuck her then throw her a big mac. while she's chompin, escape out the back door
#17327
<Dragon-Beast> Not being a genius doesn't mean I would be a dumbass.
<Frozen-Solid> in your case it does
<Dragon-Beast> My case?
<Dragon-Beast> Why would it be my case?
<Frozen-Solid> because you are a dumbass
#19912
<[vV]nitrors4> my wife dont call me anymore
<[vV]nitrors4> she got a vibrator now
<[vV]nitrors4> how the funk am i gonna top a vibrator
<[vV]nitrors4> i cant jiggle my shit that fast
#37550
<dooky> oh and get a bucket of paint and slop it all over her car
<MSIGuy> Yeah.
<Stonefish> dooky: Glue it on the hood, like a Mack Truck bulldog
<Inept> Crazy glue the dildo onto her hood where the hood ornament should be.
<dooky> gluing the dildo do the windshield was a good idea
Comment: who needs keys when you have a dildo and epoxy
#32827
<Allahkat> You know how they make like, "Totally 80's" cds? They should make Pity-Party cds. "Just Got Dumped"
<Allahkat> "No One Home For Christmas"
<bunnieWork> "I Eat Ramen With My Cats Every Night"
<Allahkat> HAHAHAHA
<Allahkat> "I Chat In IRC 24 Hours A Day"
<Allahkat> Oh...wait...
<bunnieWork> HAHAHa...ha.
* bunnieWork sobs
* Allahkat polishes her gun
#31859
«TrueBlue» Talking to your sister or another female relative of the same intelligence would result in both of you staring at a box of Orange Juice because it said "Concentrate".
#2999
<kyourek> There was a 23% drop in temperature.
<nappyjallapy> That's almost 25%!
<kyourek> ... That was one of the most worthless comments I've ever heard.
#4752
<rhost> no_ana.... i miss you
<rhost> with every bullet
#47237
< twatson> how the fuck are you addicted to effexor
< wkr4k4r> its addictive
< twatson> oh
< twatson> that makes sense
#306165
<rush> where I come from we measure the hotness of a chick by using a scale which is determined by the number of days she could go without a shower and you'd still stick your tongue in her ass, and she's an 8
#4500
<vecna> Holy fucking christ, lord and savior, show us your tits, that's a lot of ZSNES ASM code
#90677
<Bobba> Hey Karg.
<Karg> Hmm?
<Bobba> Can you help me?
<Karg> Hm...
<Karg> shaz, gimme 1d20.
<shaz> 1d20: 4
<Bobba> ?
<Karg> No.