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#45472
<ProfGlitch> hahaha, how ironic:
<ProfGlitch> "USA/Japan's [StarCraft] match ended in America's favor after their Terran player resolved two nuclear attacks on the Japanese team's main bases."
#5638
<Krispy> you could double specialize
<Krispy> GYN/PROCTOLOGY
<Krispy> THEN YOU COULD DO THE SHOCKER
<Krispy> AND IT WOULD BE ALL LEGAL
#64493
<DinkyDogg> my mom and sister and i had an awesome moment going through security on the way back from Ireland
<DinkyDogg> I was reading the sign about the prohibited items, and it went something like this:
<DinkyDogg> Me: Looks like I can't go on board, because my 'tool' is more than 7 inches.
<DinkyDogg> Rachel: Jake!
<DinkyDogg> Mom: And also no "club-like objects"
<DinkyDogg> Rachel: MOM!!!!!
<DinkyDogg> *Rachel cries*
#2744
<Longi> i'm going to go moisturize my testicles.
Longi is gone (02:23AM): vitamin wank
#302359
<st0rmb0x> I had an ass cannon moment
<Ka1enov> LOL
<st0rmb0x> You know when you're on the shitter and you just fart but you don't realise you shat 12 feet of shit in half a second
<Ka1enov> yeah man
<Ka1enov> and then when you wipe
<Ka1enov> theres nothing
<Ka1enov> youre are like what the fuck
<st0rmb0x> lol, yeah man, these things are deadly, what if you were to shit down a balcony, i bet you'd be able to break car windshields
<st0rmb0x> Or snipe someone with a turd
<Ka1enov> and walk away with no evidence
<st0rmb0x> The police are like, what the fuck, there's shit everywhere and that guy has a hole in the head
<Ka1enov> and your ass is clean!
#67650
<Justin_Meisse> I think I may have conquered my nemisis, the bane of my existance, the evil bastard that's mocked me for so many years
<NoelCower> Your penis?
#19112
<websloth> i'm going to invent a "dewey decimal system" for organizing porn
<morganj> my uncle had one.
<morganj> you can't have 23 gigs of jpgs without one.
#77
<Mac_BETA> I will give you 4 gigs o pr0n for yer mercedes
#29917
<Picco|0z> {[io_sreep]} Can you explain what RAID is to me?
<halcy0n> isn't it two harddrives where one holds all the 1's and the other holds all the 0's?
#95780
<Apollo> my girlfriend just walked in on me masturbating to goatse =/
<Trinexx> And you wonder why she cheated on you...
<Apollo> ...how the hell do you know about that?
#19859
<jeff> penguin mints will rot your brain.
<MrFalcon> fine works brain my -- about talking you are what?
#32251
Doja: i wonder if he noticed that her pussy has been tampered w/
whack`wrkk: you didnt leave a rubber hangin out that hoe did you
whack`wrkk: queef out a balloon poodle
#632
<AlmtyBob> i HATE MY MOM
<AlmtyBob> fucking I'm just sitting here playing oni
<AlmtyBob> and she walks in
<AlmtyBob> SHE LIVES ACCROSS THE COUNTRY
<AlmtyBob> she is NOT ALLOWED to just walk in
<AlmtyBob> didn't bother calling saying she'd be home
<AlmtyBob> didn't call me from the airport
<AlmtyBob> just bam, walks in
<AlmtyBob> what if I'd been jerking to hardcore teenage lesbo porn?
<hypr> AlmtyBob: dont forget to take da debbe does dallas p0rno out of the vcr
<AlmtyBob> actually it's interview with the vibrator
<hypr> haha
<Lk2k1> Bob has naked pictures of lux in his room.
<AlmtyBob> but I stored that away a while ago
<AlmtyBob> all my porn is digital
<AlmtyBob> oh thanks for reminding me
<AlmtyBob> gotta take the flash card out of my digicam
<AlmtyBob> lest she get curious
<hypr> wtf u made a homemade p0rn?
<AlmtyBob> just pics of people I know
<AlmtyBob> nonnude
<AlmtyBob> time to take out the trash and /clear
#56408
JennyWang08: i think ihave
JennyWang08: starting to have
JennyWang08: problems communicate
QreepyBORIS: Really.
#7679
<[BoB]spencer> LOL who has seen the capture the sperm game?
<Sharp|DoD> i play it every day with my sock
<Sharp|DoD> woops
#38103
(Yed) the navy/army etc is scary
(Yed) if you tell them youre not interested they like
(Yed) "so when do you want to make an appointment?"
(Chexee) lmfao
(Yed) its either that
(Yed) or this big ass guy in a marine uniform
(Yed) asking you why you wont join
(Yed) over and over again
(Yed) its like interrogation
(Yed) not to mention he has a sword
(Yed) :(
#49080
<mindule> they need to make a new game
<mindule> to occupy my time
<mindule> Make a game that'll /blow my mind/
<WolfLord> its called RUSSIAN ROULETTE
#7215
<geekster> mossibly
<geekster> that's most poccibly, but it went thru a horible translation from brain to fingers
<geekster> ARSE!!
#51025
<Kiell> So I get a text message on Friday from a number I didn't recognise...
<Kiell> it reads:
<Kiell> "Hi agatha this is betty i do not have very many clothes to be ironed this week i am sorry but please can you come next week. i hope you are well. betty."
<Kiell> I ponder this for an hour or two, and then reply:
<Kiell> "That's ok, betty. I fucking suck at ironing. See you next week. Aggie."
#24566
<Shock[JR]breakfast> basically i went to a kegger and drank 4000 kegs and got sloshed then i temporarily left the establishment and then i saw a schoolbus parked outside so i was like FUCK THIS IS TEAM FORTRESS REAL LIFE I AM AN ENGINEER -e- REPRESENT FUCK then i started taking off the bumper / mirrors / stop sign then i got arrested and they took my shoes / shirt and threw me in jail
<Shock[JR]breakfast> all i could do, while i was sitting in the cop car, was make fun of the laptop
#55223
< finn> I let god decide if I'm going to school tomorrow or not, by just not setting an alarm
< finn> "if god wanted me to be in school today, he woulda woken me up"
#311132
<l0de> I've done that before. I made a script that cycled through
<l0de> 8==D ( )
<l0de> 8(=)
<l0de> while listening to Björk. But it was probably the lowest point in my life.
#306617
<@Malice> Did I tell you Velox is back home?
<+ark0n> no way sweet
<@Malice> After five years in the deserts of the Middle East, our mother thought he'd want to relax.
<@Malice> So she took him to the beach.
#310062
< eneasvva> I'm trying to do an variable global (with class type), I see that in C++ is made with a variation of singleton, but this variation is incompatible with BC 3.1 . There's another way?
< j4cbo> what's BC 3.1?
< eneasvva> borland c++ 3.1
< eneasvva> I just want to a global instance
< j4cbo> um.
< j4cbo> from 1992?
< eneasvva> yes
< j4cbo> this channel will tend to yell at you for using C++03 instead of C++11
< j4cbo> i don't know how best to work around bugs in your compiler that's old enough to legally get drunk
< jeaye> get it drunk
#441
<syrup> i need to leech while i sleep
<syrup> otherwise i don't sleep well