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#6511
<monami> this utility has a macro recording function but no loop command
<monami> so i record a macro, and then put a stapler on the keyboard to hold the button down
<monami> and go have coffee
<monami> i note that the stapler, on the whole, is a more efficient and productive employee than i am
#5357
<+shagman> man, my ice water tastes like shit this morning
<+SuperGayHomo> well don't get it out of the toilet bowl
<@shagman> I wonder if it's my ice cubes
<@shagman> I'm gonna try the ones from the other tray
<@shagman> ahhhhh, much better
<@SuperGayHomo> those ones came from the tank
#2942
*** Now talking in #cars
*** Topic is 'No gay sex talk please thanks'
<spazzer> no gay sex talk eh?
<spazzer> this channel is going to be quiet then
#5483
<kkenn> Traffic lights
<kkenn> Remember folks. Traffic lights timed for 35 mph are also properly timed for 70 mph.
#4376
<Petr> I was at work and I drove by a group of Amish people in an electric cart full of computer equipment. I've never been given such an evil eye by so many people at once before.
#7467
<tris> all the tech contact email is signed "MFN Corporate Communications" now
<tris> maybe they are the ones running the routers
<neruaL> that would imply that a) they were running and b) someone had control
over it
#14258
<Sigurd> a sprite is anything not static
<SRElysian> a sprite is a variable object
<SRElysian> be it 2d or 3d
<TorMuck> a sprite is a fucking soda
<TorMuck> you god damn geekass bastards
#39268
<Rjx> I'm voting kerry this election
<Rjx> I can't vote directly
<Rjx> but I find easily influenced people over the internet
<Rjx> and convince them to vote on my behalf
#15166
[][ceman] I get mine from the fact that for the first 2 weeks of playing CS I didnt; know you could buy rifles
[][ceman] I thought they were scattered on the ground and that people kept picking them up before me
#43708
<CeZ> bewpy: hows your microphone doing?
<bewpy> it doesnt work for some reason..
<bewpy> why u ask?
<CeZ> bewpy, you were drunk and we convinced you that your microphone was going to kill you.. so you beat on it
#305605
<Crispy> Rational behavior: Behavior that can be expressed as a fraction.
#239514
<iMaal> wtf
<iMaal> i listened half the metallica album with no sound on :D
#5584
<Villager> haven't you heard the phrase 'big is beautiful'?
<Alexander> i've heard the phrase 'fat is repulsive'
#49282
<TrogL> Found a new use for a chainsaw. Daughter's boyfriend wouldn't wake up. Ran the chainsaw outside his window. He bolted out of bed yelling "I didn't do it! I didn't do it!" He was still twitching three hours later
<Phoon> ROFLMAO
<Phoon> that's why nothing will beat a 12 gauge shotgun for home defense
<Phoon> Even a cat burglar with ice water in his veins will shit himself at the sound of a 12-gauge being pumped
<Phoon> you don't even need to fire it
<Phoon> hell, you don't even need the gun... just the cocking mechanism and a bottle of carpet cleaner to get rid of the shit stain
#25183
<mig|sluice> trillian, like a capitalist social-democracy, will suit me until I see something better to take its place.
#62515
<@kiafaldorius> is it just me or is it cool that 1337 (string) converted to hex becomes 31333337?
#220556
<superlanb0y> to everyone : i bought awesome transformer today
<veganonymous> I bet you went into the store and was like "oh no this is for my kid"
<veganonymous> and they looked at your transformer shirt and were like
<veganonymous> "yeah sure dude sure"
<EHG> that's what I say when I go buy girls panties
#5652
<JibbleWork> no amount of work would be able to get my clenched cheeks open
#4203
<zeron> :))))))))))
<ckx> that looks like icewizard smiling
<ckx> all 50 chins
#1183
(notME) i have a 6 week old kitten
(notME) and my 2 year old cat raped him
(notME) shoved his feline penis in his bum
(notME) i watched it
(notME) i wasn't going to spank him
(notME) d00d no
(notME) i turned around
(notME) and he's balls are smacking my kitten in the ass
(notME) i didn't want to spank him
(notME) cuz it'd only get him off faster
#6200
<barkode:#916> playing tribes for last 5 hours
<Pesto:#916> wow, you're still at work?
<barkode:#916> yeah.
#8455
<Pat> i had to go to hospital after because of complications
<Bleve> Pat was very complicated, they removed his arsehole by mistake
<Mandi> heh
<Bru> what's that in the middle of his face then??
#294508
Hoopy: hey, how was your holidays? Get anything good?
Psmylie: Couple of gift cards. you?
Hoopy: watch
Psmylie: ok, I'm watching...
*10 minutes pass*
Psmylie: I see you gave that lame joke all the attention it deserved. Well done.
Hoopy: My client crashed. What did you say?
#3878
<nARcOtIC]> any of u know someone witha f ast internet connection?
<[ric]> me, suppa fast... so fast I can't even see the packets go by when I open the modem up
<nARcOtIC]> how fast is it?
<[ric]> so fast I can't even explain it
<nARcOtIC]> right
<[ric]> so fast that by the time I try and upload something it was uploaded 10 minutes earlier
<[ric]> stunningly fast, it is..
#30369
<+ienes|kwl> I'm polish
<@Biggs`> that's ok. we all have our problems