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#49353
(hydro|): man
(hydro|): sara , my buddy's wife, the people i'm staying with
(hydro|): is playing my keyboard
(hydro|): and she's being FUCKING
(hydro|): ANNOYING
(hydro|): she's sitting right next to me on the floor
(hydro|): i want to punch her
(GerbilNut): kick her instead
(GerbilNut): that can be played off as an accident
(timmo): hydro
(timmo): heres what you do
(timmo): ive found it to be the best piece of advise for people who dont know how to play
(timmo): whenever they start playing their instrument
(timmo): or what have you
(timmo): find yourself an annoying instrument
(timmo): like an accordian
(timmo): and be like
(timmo): OH SHIT LETS JAM
(hydro|): haha
(timmo): and start making horrible noises
(hydro|): yeah that totally works
(eltopo): hahaha
(timmo): soon theyll stop
#11860
<Fozzie> why is it so hard to find a good windows font?
<Fozzie> bah
<Fozzie> what a craptastic os.
<dithi> you get what you pay for
<Fozzie> you mean the copies you buy are better?
#50223
<jvarner> at one time I had a login sequence that required two passwords.
<nougatmachine> ^the geek version of "I once caught a fish and it was THIS BIG"
#67390
<eieioh> i completely trashed my vocal cords this weekend while playing a few gigs with my band..i'm not supposed to talk
<eieioh> tonight i was at work and they put me on delivery instead of in the kitchen like i usually do
<eieioh> i made nine deliveries before 8, when we stop delivering..and all but two of the customers called to complain that i was rude and impolite because i didn't say anything
<eieioh> and my boss, whenever someone complains, wants the person who was complained about to apologize to the person complaining
<eieioh> but my boss wouldn't let me because of my voice. but finally i got tired of people calling..so i told him to let me take it
<eieioh> here's what i said to everyone.."sir/ma'am, i apologize for your dissatisfaction but i have esophagal cancer and this job is helping me pay my chemotherapy expenses."
<eieioh> my boss and i were laughing so hard, but it hurt so much to laugh i nearly puked.
<eieioh> one of them came in to give me a tip. :D
#36937
<JustinCredible> so I was catching for my brother today when he was warming up for baseball practice and he hits me in the head with a baseball and my eyes start watering
<JustinCredible> my dad tells me to stop bein a pussy and I just stare right back at him and say "you are what you eat"
<JustinCredible> so now I'm fuckin grounded...
<JustinCredible> I just can't win
#51969
<Retro> shit
* Retro just woke up
<Grath> Retro
<Grath> Why is it bad?
<Retro> I don't know
<Retro> but I'm not used to waking up, going to the bathroom to take a piss, and looking in the mirror to see my keyboard imprinted in my face
#311156
<AppleDash> I have accidentally racially segregated my old computers
#3841
[17:23:28] [Synoptica] I AM GOING TO TAKE A SHIT NOW EVERYONE
[17:29:32] [Xta-C ] COOL!
[17:30:13] [Synoptica] jesus christ i dont remember eating chili
#300468
<me__> i have a dumpdev and can get a backtrace. anything else i should grab?
<arachnist> tits of a nearby female
#15574
[Join] n0t_4cc3pt4bl3 (hurry-now@ip121.cleveland4.oh.pub-ip.psi.net)
<WD_40> your nick is not acceptable.
<n0t_4cc3pt4bl3> indeed
#36327
<timmo> people are crazy these days
<timmo> back in my day when someone fired you
<timmo> you went home and beat your kids
<timmo> and drank gin
<timmo> now people are shooting up their workplaces and shit
<timmo> i need to get a job so i can fire people
<timmo> YOURE FUCKING FIRED
<timmo> its like a real life +b
<timmo> id make that shit fun too
<timmo> "come in here bill, i want you to take a look at something"
<timmo> and on a white board id have hang man with
<timmo> _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
<timmo> and have him work it out
<timmo> "you are fired?"
<timmo> "thats correct bill. clean out your desk and be out of the building by 5, kthx"
#9670
<[ryan]> nah when i first saw porn of any kind i was like "man, that must get boring after a while"
<[ryan]> then i went back to programming heh
<shea_> when i first saw programming
<shea_> i was like
<shea_> "man, that must get boring after a while"\
<shea_> then i went back to porn
#4460
<jre> One time I went into a stupid donut shop to take a pee-pee. They had a sign that said: PLEASE "FLUSH TOILET" BEFORE LEAVING. Flush toilet was in parentheses. So I assumed it was code for something
<jre> So I "pissed in the sink"
#2990
<dodge> i should be in bed myself ...
<dodge> oh wait, i am
#222135
InfernalTempestX: she's like
InfernalTempestX: you'll never change
InfernalTempestX: i'm like
InfernalTempestX: you'll never lose weight
#302416
Vasir: What's tuberculosis?
Psi: A lung disease
Vasir: Ohh, I thought it was an std
Psi: lol, no, it's transferred by coughing, sneezing, stuff like that
Vasir: I thought its when your dick is clogged
Psi: ...
Vasir: ...
Vasir: Is there a disease fitting that description?
Psi: God, I hope not...
#18583
Vizspring: time for dual-computer action :-)
dustbuster3001: LOL
SqueakyEggo: lol
SqueakyEggo: ROFL
SqueakyEggo: computer on computer barely legal action, eh?
#1032
(Curb) don't worry no trees were harmed in the search for my glasses, toes were stubbed and lives were lost...but all tress are fine
#37768
<@Ytrrium> So i was idly chatting with this girl last year.
<@Ytrrium> She's somewhat attractive, and actually asked if i'd like to fool around with her, with becoming fuckbuddies in the future a possibility.
<@Ytrrium> At the time I didn't want that, so i said no. But on that day, she mentioned something...
<@Ytrrium> She was at the beach for a week and had gotten bad sunburn on her back.
<@Ytrrium> I found a devious plan forming in my head.
<@Ytrrium> With some planning on my part, fooling around was scheduled to occur the next day.
<@Ytrrium> Stuff happened and i was doing her doggystyle on the floor of my apartment. I waited until i was about to finish, and pulled out my cock, rammed it in her ass, and slapped her sunburn as hard as i could.
<@Ytrrium> The two black eyes and intensely painful bruised testicles were, in my opinion, very much worth it.
#1204
<Karmer> I am as eternal as the boundless limits of outer space, and my owner loathes and despises me
<mike> leprosy
<Karmer> no
<Karmer> it is
<Karmer> slidey's virginity
#327
<persia> my favorite country song is "i fucked my horse on a sunday morning"
<migg> my fave country song is "Its midnight in montana, and i cant get my dick out of this cow"
*** You were kicked by sandk1ng (i like the song "i kicked my friend for makin fun of music i listen to")
#297750
<@max> I wonder if uniball has ever thought of getting lance armstrong to sponsor their pens
#53147
<Fool|NO-HTTP> so...do you think i can get in trouble for this scheme:
<Fool|NO-HTTP> i can cancel pick 3 and pick 4 tickets
<Fool|NO-HTTP> and if i sell a $2 ticket there is a chance to instantly win $10
<Fool|NO-HTTP> so i can buy a bunch, and cancel all the non instant winners
<Fool|NO-HTTP> and make $8 per
<s4f3_m0d3> say hello to federal prison for me
<Fool|NO-HTTP> not federal
<Fool|NO-HTTP> it is a state lottery
<s4f3_m0d3> so state prison then
<Fool|NO-HTTP> if i messed with multistate lottery i may get federal issues
<Fool|NO-HTTP> but i fail to see what is illegal about it
<Fool|NO-HTTP> they just left a HUGE loophole
<Fool|NO-HTTP> buying tickets: legal
<Fool|NO-HTTP> canceling tickets: legal
<Fool|NO-HTTP> afk, cops are here
<s4f3_m0d3> afk for the next five to ten?
#152010
<Hagfish2> camelCasing is more of a convention in other languages, especially Java
<Hagfish2> and it's slightly faster to type
<apathy--> faster tot ype?
<apathy--> I disagree
<moveax> I like camelCasing, nothing wrong with it.
<Hagfish2> well, you have to press the shift key either way, and underscores add an extra character
<apathy--> if the extra character bothers you, php isn't the right language for you
Comment: #php on EFnet
#6139
Clayton: man, i am so tired..but my bed is full of dog puke.