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#47468
<CAPS-LOCK> I think I'll list a windowframe on ebay as an "Amish Webcam"
Comment: #wikipedia@freenode
#30402
<@burzzzzzz> i must be drunk
<@burzzzzzz> i wanted to know what time it was
<@burzzzzzz> and to check if my arm pits smells
<@burzzzzzz> so i sniffed my watch and looked at my arm pit
#115098
<Lars44> ...
<Borealis> What's that, all the punctuation that you forgot to put in earlier?
Comment: irc.waypasteleven.com, #n
#21448
<|Wolf|> what's the new catch phrase for teenage girls these days?
<NecroErotica> "I spit"
#29707
<danamania> http://www.tdcj.state.tx.us/stat/finalmeals.htm is a list of peoples last meal requests in texas
<danamania> before execution.
<danamania> lots of cheeseburgers there
<Hamster> oh thats really sad
<Hamster> it looks like criminals drink coke. pepsi marketing needs to get hold of this
#41841
(+achy) one of my mates is doing a psychology course
(+achy) shes studying stuff on drug dependancies
(+achy) anyway her textbook has 12 signs of being an alcoholic, and if you fit 10 out of 12 you are definitely an alcoholic
(@fourex) how many do you fit?
(+achy) my girls and I fit all 12 perfectly
Comment: #bc on irc.uq.edu.au
#53682
<Book> Heh, I fell asleep on my keyboard,
<Book> when I woke up notepad was open with a few pages of 'Z's written in it.
#59146
<madman> Perhaps I'm a bit racist.
<madman> This Mexican guy called saying he was interested in the car I was selling, so I give him the directions to my house.
<madman> I see him pull up in his truck, and so I go outside to greet him, guess what I say?
<madman> "Hey Pedro!"
<madman> I'm about to apologize when he says, "How'd you know my name? I didn't even tell you!"
<madman> Talk about lucky.
#29424
<J3anyus> fucking LEET
<J3anyus> my roomie just left
<J3anyus> now i can jax0r
<J3anyus> but i gotta shit first
... time passes ...
<J3anyus> so like
<J3anyus> check this out
<J3anyus> my roomie leaves
<J3anyus> and he's like
<Conj|Work> hahahahahahahahahaha
<J3anyus> "i'm gonna be gone for a few hours"
<Conj|Work> pwn3d
<J3anyus> right
<J3anyus> yeah
<J3anyus> you already know what happened
#44392
Darika Senokah: HEY WILL
Darika Senokah: GUESS WHAT DAY IT IS :D
KUSWIL: MAY 7TH!? D:
Darika Senokah: xD
Darika Senokah: Yes but
Darika Senokah: It is also
Darika Senokah: NATIONAL MASTURBATION DAY :D
KUSWIL: ...
KUSWIL: Interesting. :o Just before Mother's Day.
KUSWIL: Think about that for a minu- NO ON SECOND THOUGHT DON'T. XD;;;
Darika Senokah: XDDDDD!!!
Darika Senokah: Omg, you are a HORRIBLE person.
KUSWIL: You're just realizing this? :D
Comment: May 7th is National Masturbation Day!
#2545
<IceWizard> it doesnt take a girl to suck a dick
#33388
<+Frosty_theoz> if being a nerd was a religion, bash would be a cathederal
#31748
<gr> So, uh, both Gentoo's main servers and Red Hat Network are dead in the water at the moment.
<gr> Which one of you naughty children has been hax0ring?
<DJ-Pyro> sorry..I'll back off
* Lippizanr checks the weather
<gr> Pyro, you really don't have to be that ambitious just to get your letter published in 2600, I promise.
* Lippizanr snickers
<DJ-Pyro> it was to get the girl..not to get in 2600
<DJ-Pyro> Hey Lippizanr, I took down RHN and Gentoo just for you baby
<Lippizanr> wow!
<DJ-Pyro> see
<DJ-Pyro> it works
<Lippizanr> you really DO love me!
<Lippizanr> your hax0ring ways have woo'd me! lets go have sex!
#7519
<[Matt]> the only thing about mullholland drive that didn't confuse me entirely was the lesbian sex scenes
<[Matt]> other than that, i was lost
#33
[17:05] *** D1 sets mode: +o C-Rock
<D1> oh wait, I was trying to kick you.
#35111
<TLA-Sammybeany> My step-dad told me a story today that cracked me up . . .
<TLA-Sammybeany> We had some of the Shake 'N Bake chicken stuff the other night for dinner . . . apparently he took the leftovers to work for lunch . . .
<TLA-Sammybeany> One of his co-workers, who happens to be black, walked up to him and was like "Damn, yo! You bring fried chicken to work and you don't give me any? What's up wit' dat'?!"
<TLA-Sammybeany> So my step dad said "oh, well, it's only that Shake 'N Bake stuff. It's nothing special." The black dude was like "It's about to be Shake 'N Take if you don't start sharing, man! I'm gonna' shake you until you drop the chicken, then I'll take it!"
#39919
<mrwinkey> I had to date ALOT of women before I found my wife
<mrwinkey> most of them were money grubbing sluts
<mrwinkey> I enjoyed the slut part way more than the money grubbing part.
#308117
Baljem: BBC News Headline "'GPS brain cells' seen in pigeons"
Baljem: look, dipshits, it may come as a surprise
Baljem: but there are perfectly good methods of navigation that existed for quite some time before GPS
Baljem: so could we /please/ stop referring to anything to do with being able to fucking navigate as 'satnav' and 'GPS'? before I have to come and smack you around a bit? kthx
RS_Asleep: Baljem: Now they could use an iPhone and have always up-to-date information and the pigeon could use them 53 brain cells for something else! ;)
Baljem: impossible
Baljem: nothing with 53 or more brain cells would buy an iPhone in the first place ;)
#72454
<stello> My firewall rules are tighter than an emo kid's jeans.
#65178
<dsfargeg> right, I don't even know how to start this calculus question :(
<cjr> I've got a phd on mathematics
<dsfargeg> really?? what do you do now?
<cjr> ?
<cjr> ohhh, i meant a .pdf
<dsfargeg> fuck you
#5778
<guest> u kno what rules
<guest> introducing girls to pot
<yesue> no lie
<guest> u smoke pot alone with a girl for the first time
<guest> there is a 250% chance of getting laid
#705
<vsync> my hand is banging against the keyboard, seizure-like
<tokage> vsync: is your masturbation coordination nerve acting up again?:)
#33488
<drdank> Wil's not gay!
<goatasaur> yeah
<goatasaur> he drew tits on my back before he fucked me in the ass
Comment: #fark
#310732
<camel> > Do you have a full-time job? > No > We're sorry, you do not qualify for this survey.
<camel> Why the fuck would I be doing a $2 30 minute survey
<camel> if I had a full time job
#31565
<by> Is there anyway I can tell the world I'm an idiot?
<Seven7> Of course, just type your name, where you live and your confession
<by> Kk
<by> I am Mark Duval of Belgium, and I am an idiot
<by> ?
<by> Now what?
<Seven7> Don't worry. It's done