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#8554
<JungleMason> There's a hole in my heart that can only be filled by you.
<Gabealicious> Have you tried epoxy?
<JungleMason> Yes, and the smell reminds me of you.
<Gabealicious> Or... maybe some of that spray foam insulation...
<JungleMason> I LOVE that shit.
<Gabealicious> me too!
<JungleMason> Tastes GREAT on a Triscuit.
<Gabealicious> Yes ... some folks call it 'ez cheez'
<JungleMason> Burger King calls it "Ranch Dip."
#6879
<Bad-Co> Next time your having a bad day, think of this... Your a siamese twin, your brother is gay and your not. But you only got one arsehole.
#49668
ballplaya4537: holy shit dude
ballplaya4537: so my brother and i smoked up last night
ballplaya4537: and he was so high that he left all the weed on the kitchen table
ballplaya4537: and my dad found that, his bong, and his two bowls
cdawzrd: hahahahahaha
cdawzrd: sucks for him
ballplaya4537: no no no no, not that best part
ballplaya4537: so my dad knocks on his door(which is right across from mine)
ballplaya4537: and i hear if you ever do that again, you are out of the house and were not sending you to college
ballplaya4537: and then
ballplaya4537: about thirty seconds after:
ballplaya4537: AlexC2907: dad just gave it back
ballplaya4537: AlexC2907: do u wanna smoke tonight
Comment: on AIM
#306540
<pawz> i use lilo :") in fact.. my first cat was called Lilo
<pawz> i would take him to the vet and they would be like "Oh, Lilo, from the Disney movie" and i would say "Oi, check his birth date. he was born years before that shitty movie. his name is short for LInux LOader"
<Stranj> And then the vet gave you a shot to calm you down?
Comment: #lulz
#3577
<Corranfox> GF?
<metroid23> you'll get it eventually...
<Corranfox> guitar freaks
<blazemore> it's not like it'd stand for girl friend.. this IS #bemani after all
#29059
<DrPoole> she just emailed me. "you are a fucking prick"
<DrPoole> and i hit reply
<DrPoole> and wrote "unsubscribe"
#1051
(Argent-) okay- I have like 20 windows open and my disk is swapping like a hot couple during the 60's
#54387
<Thero> WHAT THE FUCK
<Thero> i just got yelled at for eating ham
<Thero> WHY ARE MY PARENTS PISSED ABOUT ME EATING HAM
<Thero> i didn't eat the ham to begin with
<Neon-azi> did you eat it on a plane?
<Thero> no?
<Neon-azi> did you eat it on a train?
<Thero> ....
<|silicon> did you eat it on a bar?
<wind> did you eat it in a car?
<hydro> did you eat it in a box?
<hydro> OR WITH A FOX?
#110375
[thom] I'm going to order one of those MIND erasing kits...
[xexyz] a bong, thom?
#26347
<mef> American Scientists Finalize Plans To Construct Artificial Tri-Force;
<mef> US Declares War On Ganon
<mef> http://graphics7.nytimes.com/images/2003/06/28/weekinreview/29over.slide01.jpg
#36331
<jonathans> i also got stopped for practicing a movie scene in a parking lot where the passenger in my car robs a liquor store
<jonathans> we pull up to the store at 30 and he runs out and slides across the hood
<jonathans> cop didnt like that much
<jonathans> he thought we were actually robbing the store
<jonathans> after talking for ten minutes he had a part in the movie
#2048
<Birdzii> i've got this fucked rash all over my body
<Morbii> heh
* Slander takes a step back from birdsigh
<Birdzii> heh
<Birdzii> sore throat + rash
<Morbii maybe you're allergic to masturbation
<Morbii> jkjk ;P
<Birdzii> I would have been dead long ago then
#51128
<alb2550> All the text on my screen is blurring into dirty limericks and communist propaganda which means i must be really tired.
#65605
<Burningmace> I had a customer in hysterics today at work
<+KPR> how come?
<Burningmace> Well, we sell lots of things that have different types, so sometimes you can buy assorted packs
<Burningmace> He was buying some flavoured condoms... assorted ones, so the computer automatically prepends "Assorted" to the start of it
<Burningmace> So I put it through and hand him the reciept and he checks it and starts laughing
<+KPR> huh?
<Burningmace> I took a look at the reciept, and because the line didn't fit on the paper, it'd truncated the first word.
<Burningmace> So he'd bought some Ass Flavoured Condoms.
Comment: It's a laugh a minute at Lidl
#101024
<@Catcher> haha
<@Catcher> i just left a note in my sisters weed box-- "Jes, We need to talk. -Mom"
<@var> hahahahahhaa
< wind`> lol
< TMH> hahaha
<@Catcher> shes going to shit her pants for like 2 seconds until she sees the back of the note
Comment: #geekissues @ EFNet
#54059
<mmap> i have a mormon friend that i corrupted, he'll drink a beer with me now :P
<_Arthur> Hey, I'm a Catholic (lapsed)
<Feldegast> _Arthur so do u or do u not belive in little rubber things?
<mmap> pencil erasers?
#56743
<MootMan> Oi! I think my life is now complete.
<MootMan> Had to cool a clients PC because it was overheatin, the fan on the heatsink was garbled.
<MootMan> I had no replacements, but I had a un-opened can of Beer sitting by, fresh from the freezer (I like to supercool the stuff to near 0*C).
<MootMan> This particular can had a fairly flat serface. I only needed the PC for 5 minutes, anyways.
<MootMan> So I took some artic silver thermal goop, and spread it on the bottom of the beer can.
<MootMan> Stuck it on the proc (a P4), and put a 15lb Cisco book on it to hold it down.
<MootMan> Vola. Sub-ambient cooling.
<goombah> 0_0 thats like blapshemy dude
<MootMan> Who cares. And besides, who needs liquid nitro when you can use BEER? Toms Hardware - "10GHZ Overclocking on Grasshoppa!".
#25155
<Dingles> Why am I such a funny person?
<Jack104> 'Cause your life is a joke?
#49946
<Brianetta> This is why I like open source (:
<Brianetta> It's like the manual, only more detailed and with less pictures.
#33694
(Cloud): I see retarded people.
(@NeoMatrix): Stop looking in the mirror.
#8083
<DilleMMa> im off to maccas now
<DilleMMa> any requests?:)
<Nelyx> some motivation with a side order of dignity
<DilleMMa> and a large compassion
<Nelyx> and no, i would not like fries with that
<DilleMMa> i should get myself a "medium why do i even bother"
<DilleMMa> toodles
<Nelyx> they stopped serving those last year
#1462
<PwRPufF> im a smart blond :)
<nexxai> YAY FOR DUMB BLONDES#@$@!$! ---- I mean....ummm --- YAY FOR SMART BLONDES *mutter* lol, no such thing
<PwRPufF> :/
<PwRPufF> shut up
<PwRPufF> hey soon im gonna have artifical intelegance
<PwRPufF> hehe
<nexxai> dyed hair?
#70470
<+Kiro> I totally pulled the Jedi mind trick on someone.
<+Kiro> Like, we get commissions for tours and stuff.
<+Kiro> 15 bucks per tour if its from 1 of our 2 companies, nothing if its from this 3rd party.
<+Kiro> So this guy insists on getting 8 tours from this 3rd company.
<+Kiro> So I just looked at him and was like.
<+Kiro> "You don't want this tour company"
<+Kiro> ANd he was all.
<+Kiro> "I dont want this tour company"
#39173
<monkey216> FUCK! im dead
<wrenchy> why?
<monkey216> Im sitting here hitting my bong and my dad just imed me from korea and was like, I can see you in the webcam
<monkey216> I forgot I had the damned camera turned on
<wrenchy> LMAO see you next year dumbass
<monkey216> fuck.....
#3293
<Object> ric and JibberJim, cna you guys take your little gay fantasies elsewhere?
<ric> hey, my gay fantasies are not "little"...