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#740
<cyde> Nocarrier, AOL Called. They said they miss you.
#252356
xexyz: I don't think there are NATO specs for Nerf ammunition
#12018
<brokengolfclub> you would agree, as all westerners do, that rape is wrong correct ?
<PlexisKarma> yes, unless filmed correctly
#305287
Suzuran: So my boss was talking about that 9 year old girl who got shot with the congresscritter
Suzuran: Talking about how she was young and innocent and looking at a career in politics "Totally innocent, she just wanted to know how American politics worked!"
Suzuran: And I said "Well, now she knows!"
Suzuran: and now he's mad at me.
Comment: #ShrineMaiden@ppirc
#8665
<iggypop> if i dont get on tomorrow, i'm probably burnt up
<iggypop> i took the battery out of my smoke alarm for my digicam
#7855
<octo> no matter what anyone tells you, or how much you think it would be a good idea, never ever put aftershave on your balls
<HeXeDeCiMaL> OMG 0 ...
<Angelhair> curiosity will get you every time
<Ninja_Bill> as far as i know curiosity didnt make a cat put aftershave on its nuts
#299822
<^Migs^> something really weird happened to me last night
<^Migs^> So I'm just sitting up in my room, right? It's about 11:30, I'm on my laptop, and the doorbell rings.
<^Migs^> I'm like, wtf, but figure it must be a neighbor returning my cat or something dumb like that.
<^Migs^> So I answer the door, and this mentally handicapped kid just barges in.
<^Migs^> He's about 13 or so, and he's just frantically looking around. He tells me I have a nice house, wants something to eat, says he returned my cat, then gets distracted by something in the kitchen, all within about 5 seconds. The kid has an attention span of about 3 seconds.
<^Migs^> I actually recognized him from church. He has some sort of palsy, but I couldn't remember his name, so I have no way to contact his parents, and I don't have a clue where he lives.
<^Migs^> Meanwhile, the kid is just tearing through my house, asking me about everything he sees. He offers to clean my family room, turns on my wife's laptop, plays with the baby toys, asks about the Wii...just anything you can imagine.
<Biff> how did he find you?
<^Migs^> I was just the random house he picked.
<^Migs^> It took a lot of convincing and keeping him focused. But finally I get him to call his sister on the phone. He refused to call his mom, because "she was asleep" but I guess his sister was okay.
<^Migs^> So I get his sister on the phone, and get an address from her, and tell them I'll drive him home.
<Biff> he was that far from home that you had to drive him?
<^Migs^> Well, I open the garage door, and try to coax him into my car. He gets all upset over this, and says he'll just go to some other house.
<^Migs^> He was about 6 blocks from home.
<^Migs^> Anyway, he bolts out the door, and starts running down the street. So I get in my car to chase after him.
<^Migs^> Fortunately, the police were out searching the neighborhood for him, too, and they managed to catch him down at the corner, so I didn't have to go very far.
<^Migs^> They called his mom and told her where we were, so we all just hung out and waited. Apparently, it's not the first time he's done this, since the cops knew him quite well.
<^Migs^> The family locks the doors and stuff, but this time he got out through the doggy door.
<^Migs^> Best. Facebook status update. Ever.
#25142
<phats> damnit, now that I'm checking my mail pretty often I'm not getting any
<phats> heh
<phats> mail that is
#7832
* rob` pokes richard.. do an ls `yes`. I dare you
[five minutes pass]
<phenyx> INIT: PANIC: segmentation violation at 0x40060fa1! sleeping for 30 seconds.
<phenyx> INIT: PANIC: segmentation violation at 0x40060fa1! sleeping for 30 seconds.
<phenyx> INIT: PANIC: segmentation violation at 0x40060fa1! sleeping for 30 seconds.
<phenyx> INIT: PANIC: segmentation violation at 0x40060fa1! sleeping for 30 seconds.
* rob` .. snickers madly
<Zibblsnrt> Ooh, neat
<phenyx> real funny.
<rob`> I didn't think anyone'd actually _do_ it.
<phenyx> I have enough money to drive to vancouver and kick your ass.
#27213
<CheesyP18> surprised my 7" monitor has VGA
<@dabu> wait, u mean it's a separate monitor?? a CRT?
<@dabu> haha, and u wanna encode on that?
<CheesyP18> yea
<CheesyP18> my computer is up to scratch tho
<@Billy|B-A> my dicks bigger than your monitor =\
#9026
<Mr_Ed> I need to get a dishwasher.... but where the fuck will I find a whore like that
#19560
<Keltus> 1 year ago, I was sitting here programming my web browser using the WebBrowser control in Visual Basic.... thought C++ was too l33t for me :p
<Keltus> I wish I could go back in time and impress the hell out of myself
#5309
<Zexion> Jewdass: well thats what I do when I want to get totally wasted... get some GOOD pot and drink a LOT of GOOD vodka
<|Ogreboy|> <Zexion> we call those weekdays
#103028
<Blacken> I've seriously pissed off headshrinkers before.
<Blacken> "Well, I was raped by my uncle as a child, I slammed my brother's hand in the oven door when I was eleven because I was jealous of the attention that he got as a baby, and I burned the woods behind my house down when I was 15."
<Blacken> "WHAT?!"
<Blacken> "Nah, I'm just fucking with you."
#59620
<nihon-jin> why would you need regular partner for causual sex.... i'm speaking about geeks & sex, not about geeks and relationships here
<teh_LaC> who needs a regular partner when you have regular expressions?
#3363
<Nettik> I had some Huge ass guy name Ray try to squeeze the shit out of me
<Nettik> the guy is REAL strong and pretty agile for being big
<Nettik> he grabbe a hold of me and started squeezing, he didnt like it when I kicked his leg out from underneath him too much, but he squeezed harder. It all depends on how far I was willing to go
<spazzer> <Nettik> and soon i had a nice loaf the size of a breadbox in my drawers
#18256
<endura> I like to get an idea of how easy itd be to get laid if I walked onto a campus in a gorilla suit with a giant banana as genitalia
#19954
<Will> There was a 120 car pile-up on the TV.
<Acidsmoke> Is the TV ok?
#28962
LiL Kitten587: shut up
LiL Kitten587: im sneezing
LiL Kitten587: geez
LiL Kitten587: achoo acchoo
Topher587: wow
Topher587: it must've been loud for the sneezes to type themselves
#301808
<Flack> hey guys whats the link to that website that goes through a little animation telling you to google things
#3053
<Boba> You know who should get in the NBA? Mini-Me.
<collusion> yeah, and he should play center right?
<Boba> No...he's obviously a power forward. Are you sure you watch basketball?
#105149
<UMKid08> Hey James, what did the tableau calculus say to the fair node selection algorithm?
<jamesl> ? what?
<UMKid08> You complete me! =)
<jamesl> ...
<jamesl> You know, before you said that I used to wonder why that valedictorian left you for that marine dude...
#3828
<Sylffor> I prefer "blood-engorged mayonaisse cannon" or "yogurt slinger"
<nitrifik_> ok. Sylffor knows too many colorful synonyms for 'dick'.
* Sylffor is a homosexual, remember?
<nitrifik_> you being gay is fine.
<nitrifik_> I draw the line at "blood-engorged mayonaisse cannon".
#6775
<RadiX> I had a thought
<Isando> Wow it must have come as a surprise to you.
<RadiX> at first I thought it was a headache.. I wasn't sure what it was.
#2929
<neck> btw... bought an ice cream maker today :)
<qu4ntum> dont you mean a donut maker ?
<Lord-Data> very easy to get those confused ..
<neck> oh hell yeah
<neck> oh crap... it was a donut maker