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#104366
<TD-Linux> I have the weirdest dreams
<TD-Linux> like, I finally found a girlfriend in a dream
<TD-Linux> then found out she ran an incompatable OS version o.O
Comment: Dreaming at freenode
#25124
<maddox> You know what I hate? Programs that pretend like they're sentient beings. Ftp daemons are the worst.. you type "bye" and it responds: "221 bye bye".. or your login fails and you execute a command, it says "log in first, then I might let you do that." Yeah? Well echo "fuck you" > /usr/bin/ftp
<professor> hahaha.
<maddox> "bzip2: I won't write compressed data to a terminal."
<maddox> no, "you" won't write anything because you can't. You're a piece of shit binary written by a lonely programmer who has seen 2001 too many fucking times.
#4769
<kyle> if you are aroused by the sight of a penis, are you gay?
<Scofco> nope
<kyle> good
<Scofco> you're A FUCKING QUEER FAIRY WHO DESERVES TO DIE
<Scofco> either that, or a girl
<Scofco> but even girls don't get aroused by penises
<Scofco> at least not MY penis :(
#311142
<l0de> oh shit that "walked over my grave" feeling when someone's IRC nickname is your root password
#48324
<HellPopeHuey> So, didja get some real work?
<Epoch> yeah, today I cleaned viruses off a pc at a baptist church... viruses obtained by SURFING PR0N
<HellPopeHuey> Jesus saves... your History
#2860
<semi> +
<semi> oops
<semi> keyboard almost fell, caught it by the numpad end
<MrP-> +
<MrP-> oops
<MrP-> same here
#303955
singularity: I don't find alcohol is so much liquid courage
singularity: as it is liquid loss of bladder control
#32495
<VariQuiz> fuckers
* VariQuiz is now known as Varitek
<somniloquy> arsemunch
<dionysian> dicklick
<Varitek> cuntbreaths
<dionysian> testicularwaste
<somniloquy> goatrimmer
<Varitek> fucknuggets
<dionysian> analclenches
<somniloquy> wankstaves
<arch-w0kr> kakwheels
<dionysian> pubiczirconia
<Varitek> chuffchuggers
<somniloquy> jizzguzzlingbitchwhores
<arch-w0kr> chodegobblers
<Varitek> jismlickers
<Varitek> I must admit, I like 'pubiczirconia'
<dionysian> Varitek, you would like pubiczirconia
#43454
<Songy> And don't watch LOTR dvds at the highest volume your stereo can go when you're expecting a delivery. The other night I rang a door bell, knocked several times, and called while getting no response and hearing this fat, semi-drunk middle-aged dude yell shit like "YEAH! That's Legolas!! He's an ELFFF!!" to his young daughter.
#295976
<Lamia> my husband just said to me, "If your name was homework, I'd be doing you on my desk, right now!"
<Lamia> I need a snappy comeback to that.
<DarkDread> tell him, "If your name was homework, I'd be ignoring you to play video games."
#8397
<iora> i steal no hearts.
<iora> brains are more valuable on the black market.
#45574
<alex323> so i was like "hey mom what day was i born on"
<alex323> and she was like "march 23"
<alex323> and im like "thats my birth day how weird"
<saracen> what the hell do you think a _birth_day is?
<alex323> ooooh
#30430
[PFY] One time at 5:50 I was sitting in my room with my girl and my comp goes "POP" and shuts off.
[risk] lol
[@beast] damn you remembered it to the minute
[PFY] I know the computer store near me closes at 6, so I just straight up and tell me girlfriend, we have to go
[@beast] haha
[risk] hahaha
[@robry] haha
[@robry] ownd
[risk] thats so quoted
#54790
Trey: I want to play games like Half-Life 2 at full settings and shit, what card do I need?
Amarok: So what about HDD fluid? Do you have enough of that? Because you don't want it to seize up and die right?
Trey: oh shit, I'll grab some of that when I go get some more blinker fluid at Wal-mart tomorrow
Amarok: blinker fluid?
Amarok: what the fuck is blinker fluid?
Trey: what the fuck is HDD fluid?
Amarok: Its the fluid that makes the tiny little wheels turn so that your data can be read.
Trey: oh, I thought you were joking
Trey: You don't have to buy that shit do you, I've never even heard of it
Amarok: ...
Amarok: you tool
Trey: fuck it's not real is it
Trey: goddamn
#36525
* LW tries to think of other things to put on order for datacenter equipment
<aykroyd_> LW: two comely lasses of virtue true
#27794
<Dave> I remember, there was a time in my life where I could sleep
<Dave> now, when I lay down it's like "what if one of my downloads finish?"
#2082
<Brentai> Michael who?
<TonsOfFun-MasterToSmallGirls> J. Fox, Brent.
<Brentai> Oh, he's only mostly dead.
<Thom> Hutchence. An Australian rock star of little talent.
<Thom> Died having a wank.
<Brentai> Poor guy.
<Thom> Whilst hanging off've the back of a door by his tie.
<DigiGnome> His last words were "OH GOD! I'm COMING!" He never knew how right he was.
#8707
<fraggle> get in trouble?
<Afterglow> fraggle: getting in trouble because you look like elton john, of course
<fraggle> yeah they're always disappointed when they find i cant play candle in the wind
<fraggle> "so.. we measure the voltage across.... wait is that elton john back there? can you play us a song?"
#41199
<xtraverse> we were thinking about building the shed out of wood
<HerbDX> dude that'd come down faster than my pants at a childrens day out
<HerbDX> oh SHIT that REALLY came out wrong
<xtraverse> you have issues
#30066
<Guest15294> I've been on mIRC for many years, but now there is a hacker named nickserv, and everytime i connect he changes my nick, can anyone help me???
#32976
<AdamBishop> I also pronounce "lieutenant" the British way, as we're supposed to, but most people don't...
<kingturtle2> is lieutenant pronounced al-OOOOOOO-MIN-eee-um?
#162497
jdbugg87: ok i just ripped a cd...what the hell is .ogg
adanedhel728: it's a file extension, kind of like "doc" is short for "document," "ogg" is short for "oh good god, what an annoying file format"
#33035
(fleet): what I love about this channel is that no matter what I say, temp0 tells me to rail myself with a metal pole.
(temp0): i like you fleet
(fleet): really?
(temp0): NO! FUCK OFF AND RAIL YOURSELF WITH A METAL POLE
#288
<enex> MadHatter: eat shit!
<MadHatter> what
<MadHatter> fuck you
<enex> oh
<enex> hi
<MadHatter> yeah hey
<enex> what's up
<MadHatter> nothing man
#6646
<rewben> we are not perverts ;p
<akiron> speak for youself ;)