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#294656
<drac> I was in a public restroom today and the box that contains the toilet paper rolls has a side that can't be seen until you're sitting down
<drac> so I wrote "I pissed all over the toilet seat" on there
#297750
<@max> I wonder if uniball has ever thought of getting lance armstrong to sponsor their pens
#311127
<danh> some super creepy dude has sat down at my table
<danh> im about to get stabbed
<l0de> are you at a coffee shop
<danh> yeah
<danh> 20 tables free... chose me!
<danh> he's not wearing any underwear
<danh> dont ask me how i know
#32514
<Ender_CN> I read the bible, as soon as I found out god was jesus' father I knew it was just a cheap star wars rip off so I stopped
#310343
< yates> let me read and then perhaps ask more intelligent questions.
< o11c> pretty sure that's never happened in this channel before ^
Comment: freenode ##c++
#302362
<fahadsadah> Note to self: do not code when tired
<fahadsadah> Guess what was in my code?
<fahadsadah> Rather than #!/usr/bin/ruby at the top
<fahadsadah> print "#!/usr/bin/ruby\n"
#151114
<MystMystMystMyst> There's a famous guy who reminds me of you: Richard Borcherds.
<bbot> What was he convicted of?
#5741
(nexxai) chali: can I flood your port? maybe brute force my worm through your backdoor....sniff some packets perhaps?
#10264
<lungfish> your job like involved relocation AND gay sex
<Rottencrotch> wuts ur point
<LuftWaffle-away> he didnt want to relocate
#8127
<Szyslak> HAHAHAHA those wacky spanish: "Our download server can only support 300 simultaneous discharges"
#2330
[13:18] *** BombScare (BombScare@XDDD.10x.bro) has joined #phear
[13:18] <BombScare> woo...lets see how long my cable lasts today
[13:22] *** BombScare (BombScare@XDDD.10x.bro) Quit (Read error: 104 (Connection reset by peer))
[13:23] *** BombScare (BombScare@XDDD.10x.bro) has joined #phear
[13:23] <LPC> new record
[13:23] <LPC> 4 minutes
#19929
<@Khrath> baz is just jealous that i married a chic thats only 4'11", and it makes my 4" dick look like its 11"
#50883
<skreid> so i was trick or treating right
<GODLY> arent u a little old for that?
<skreid> fuck no
<skreid> anyway
<skreid> so i went as a present this year, just a bigass bow and some curled ribbons, and i go up to this door
<skreid> and a 75 year old woman and her husband open the door, and the woman goes "what are you?"
<skreid> i go "a present", and she gives me candy. just as i start to walk away, she goes
<skreid> "who would want that??"
<skreid> and some little kid behind me just goes "OHHHH! BURN!"
#28665
<NinJA_JG> afk 2 mins, bathroom
<NinJA_JG> IM A LILLE FAGOT WHO LIKES TO SUCK DICK AND SWALLOW CUM!!!1
<NinJA_JG> IM A LILLE FAGOT WHO LIKES TO SUCK DICK AND SWALLOW CUM!!!1
<NinJA_JG> IM A LILLE FAGOT WHO LIKES TO SUCK DICK AND SWALLOW CUM!!!1
<NinJA_JG> back
<NinJA_JG> afk 2 mins, killing lille brother
#20192
<WC|spieler> Installing photoshop from within a compressed archive.
<WC|spieler> with my antivirus active
<WC|spieler> this ought to turn out well.
<WC|spieler> sometime next summer
#27931
<taglin> ok, so te pretty menu came up and is asking you to add drives?
<suds> yeh
<suds> done that
<taglin> k... whats next?
<suds> weee
<suds> hang on a sec...
<suds> need more rum+coke+spritz of lime
<suds> :)
<taglin> heh
<taglin> i think some of the problems with this crazy install could be alcohol related
#7133
<Rasputin> eiiiiidle eidle eee
<Rasputin> eiiiidle eidle eee
<Rasputin> we won't be leavin' til we get some pus-sy sooooooo
<CrashCat> i'm not complainin' but shut up or I'll beat your brain in
#13131
<Adamus> I wouldn't care about the bot if you didn't deny me access to the
channel I that I have been using for this past year
<M[]rgue> meh
<M[]rgue> wasted youth is no concern of mine
#5388
<infin-01> sorry, you don't qualify for 31337 status, only 31336 status.
#11715
<Yogurt> Action Half-Life - "To counter Action Quake 2's speed and fun, we've included slow gameplay and the ability to fall down on purpose."
#88600
<tmonk> i always got confused when i was younger and saw magazines
<tmonk> where canadians have different prices
<tmonk> i questioned my father. "if we give equal rights to black people why not canadians too?"
#43490
<Calum> going to bed at 4am, then getting woken by traffic at 8am is unpleasant
<Calum> *grumbles about his head being sore*
<Alice> How about going to bed at 1 am and waking up at 5 to go to work?
<Calum> that's also unpleasant
<Alice> It is what I am about to do
<Calum> i've gone to bed at 5 and gotten up at 6 for work before
<@ALC> but its effectively 2 am :p
<+MStar> or drinking heavily and waking up the next morning wearing nothing but kitty ears in some stranger guy's bed?
<Calum> wtf?
<Alice> o.O
<@ALC> ...
<+MStar> i mean.. finish school project at 4 and need to wake up at 7.
<Calum> oh yeah, that's unpleasant.
#33362
[ DanoF ) i think my monitor broke
[ DanoF ) what happens when the tube dies
[+shea ) lots of things
*** solerad [sole@216.85.31.178] has joined #quickbasic
[ DanoF ) mine turned purple
[ DanoF ) now it wont come on
[ solerad ) :|
[ solerad ) what
[ solerad ) penis?
[ DanoF ) hey didnt see that coming
[ solerad ) i pride myself in being original and spontaneous
[ DanoF ) then my sarcastic comments must cut deeply
[ solerad ) yes
#35793
<EmenEm> i was in the bathroom this morning shaving when the whole apartment building started shaking
<EmenEm> and i'm like "WTF EARTHQUAKE" and i ran outside in my bathrobe and i'm bleeding because my razor went into my face when it started shaking
<EmenEm> when i got outside there was a car sitting in the tennis court the car was busted up and some nice damage to the building
<EmenEm> a cool story right there, but get this
<EmenEm> this guy gets out of his car with half of his face covered in shaving cream - him and i exchanged this weird glance because blood was flowing down our faces
<EmenEm> fucking weird shit
#302530
<Apophis> Somalian radio stations have banned certain songs
<Apophis> my first thought upon learning this was, 'they'll still be played on pirate radio'
<Apophis> then I punched myself