Random | Latest | Best | Full Site
#17373
<LoRdZephyR> i cant swim
<roboman20> i thought only people with down syndrome couldnt swim
<LoRdZephyR> WELL YOUR WRONG WHORE
* roboman20 hands zeph a chromosome
#35954
06:18 <Lanfear> yesterday, I was stroaking a cat that laid on a friend's lap..
and, well. I was scratching the cat's tummy and stuff, when I
suddenly became aware of that it was a bit too close to the guy's
crotch
#1229
<@SwampGas> THE CHICKEN IS IN THE POT
<@SwampGas> COME IN RED SQUIRREL
<@SwampGas> COOK IT.
<@SwampGas> that's admin code talk
<@SwampGas> "they got illegal files"
<@SwampGas> "delete it"
#8896
<StoneTear> damn i'm hot
<StoneTear> i smell like barbequed eliteness
#134980
<seraph> Hm
<seraph> I just got an e-mail from a friend's mom
<seraph> subject like "Are you able to give the gift of life?"
<seraph> I think it's about a blood drive, but it never actually explicitly says so
<seraph> Highlights from body text:
<seraph> "What a great opportunity to 'visit' and catch up."
<seraph> "It takes about an hour and you get the best cookies!"
<nodoze> ...is she hot?
#4825
*** Toramo has joined #---------
<Toramo> It's a full house tonight!!!
<Illuvatar> Can I be uncle Joey?
#4021
<Dark_un> man this shit is fucked
<Synoptica> whats that?
* Dark_un produces a piece of shit with a particularly suspicious looking hole
#139795
[+Tarball] ITT: Movie titles that described your first sexual experience.
[+Tarball] THERE WILL BE BLOOD
[+Timmy] lmao
[+Tarball] Gone in 60 seconds
[+Hatty] SNAKES ON A PLANE
[TheWickerMan] quiet down Hatty
[TheWickerMan] why don't you try HOME ALONE
#305263
<Metafoxi> basically little things like "smoke bong in this town" "give beggar 1 bullet"
<Metafoxi> that last one had me puzzled
<Metafoxi> until i figured out you had to literally give him a bullet, not shoot him with it
#190128
<steven> Ahruman: brainfuck is as esoteric as i have gotten
<steven> i wrote a speech synthesizer in brainfuck once
<steven> it worked better than Alex... but i lost the code one day
<astrange> you wrote a speech synthesizer in 8-bit fixed-point?
<Ahruman> I wrote a fish in BASIC one, and it was ___this big___, but it got away.
Comment: #ubuntu
#32225
<splice> courier new is the supreme essay expander font
<splice> you can write one sentence and courier new it into a three page thesis
#298101
<borg[of]nine> There is something so delightfully sinister about replying to online dating ads while you're taking a shit.
#57948
< bubbly> Vermont Democrats Call for Bush Impeachment
< clem> impeachment always provokes the image of a president stoned to death with peaches
#7226
<Stray> you're a winner. i'm a winner. we're all winners here.
<KurtBatz> Everyone's a winner baby, that's the truth. o/~
<Hawx> I have to go to fucking work tomorrow. I'm not a winner.
<Hawx> I'm just a breadwinner.
<Hawx> But who the fuck wants to work for bread?
<KurtBatz> Ethiopians.
<Hawx> True
#8357
<Allen_Schezar> Poptarts is kinda like Popstars but with much more punch, flavor and, oh yeah, sex appeal and intelligence :D
#101382
Varnthegreat: I have to go pee and then fill an empty Gatorade bottle with Mountain Dew.
xtedheadx: Please please please get confused in the middle of doing that.
#40952
<@Goremageddon> the funniest thing i did was when we did this cath on an obese lady
<@Goremageddon> i was gonna do an endoscopy thru a urethrea on a obese lady
<@Goremageddon> and i couldnt find her urethra
<@Goremageddon> lol
<@Goremageddon> so i kept shoving the tube in and out
<@Goremageddon> and she started to moan
<@Goremageddon> my friend just said
<@Goremageddon> "oh my god dude"
<@Goremageddon> dude i mean i was trying to do the cath rright
<@Goremageddon> so i kept putting it in and out outta her pussy
<+Fleshing> ROFL
<@iTERATiON> this is making my trip happy
Comment: #blackdeath-cult
#51335
<GenericLoser> A kid got detention today in French class.
<GenericLoser> He made a white flag for his project on French art.
#16866
<MartinBlank> I knew a guy who dressed up for Halloween as a giant penis with ferns growing around the base, and said he was dressed as a dickweed.
#4082
<[ric]> Jim, tsk, tsk... you're getting as bad as me :)
<JibberJim> Eh, I've never been unnatural with a goat.
<[ric]> jim... ok, almost as bad as me
#305297
<roverbat> I live near an old nuclear reactor
<roverbat> there's nothing wrong with me
<iva|phone> roverbat, how do you explain your wings then?
<roverbat> they go up and down, iva|phone
#45946
<sharpi> i got attacked by a group of seagulls on the ferry home today :(
<Bill> ha what happened
<sharpi> i was out on the deck and i noticed these kids were feeding french fries to the seagulls and thought that i'd give it a try
<sharpi> so i go buy some fries and i go out and start feeding them
<sharpi> having a good time until the seagulls that didn't get any got mad or something and started trying to swoop in for my fries so i cover them up and the next thing i know i'm getting shit on by them
<sharpi> it's hard to explain to your wife just how you could manage to come home covered in shit
#40381
<squeakymewmew> We lost power last night. A transformer exploded in the parking lot.
<PartiallyClips> Autobot or Decepticon?
Comment: AIM convo
#247654
<joseph321> hey guys can i ask a question?
<Stueh> Shoot
<joseph321> my girlfriend hasnt had her period in like 4 months do you think somethings wrong?
<Stueh> Erm ... you sure she's not pregnant?
<joseph321> yeah shes 4 months pregnant
<DanceNigga|Work> You can't be serious
<Stueh> Kid, it's not too late for an abortion, you know that right?
#14602
<Wilik> I should make a virus
<Wilik> one that installs the bible on the a computer
<Fishbait> rofl
<Fishbait> that'd be a huge as bible
<Fishbait> err virus
<Wilik> rofl
<Wilik> yea
<Wilik> it goes in
<Wilik> and everytime you open a .avi
<Wilik> it'll say thats against the law of god
<Fishbait> the lord shall smite thy porn
<Wilik> and crash wmp