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#28559
<slipvayne> my bro came home while i was wanking
<slipvayne> ah shit
<slipvayne> he brought some friends
<slipvayne> oh god
<slipvayne> i was watching a porno as well
<slipvayne> fuck i hope he didnt see
<slipvayne> OH FUCK
<slipvayne> oh man
<slipvayne> he better not tell my parents
<slipvayne> thats the last time i wear headphones while watching porn
<slipvayne> fuck im off for a shower
#8443
<sisko> did you castrate jason for hiding the pron?
<Kaff> no. that would defeat the purpose.
<sisko> suppose so.
<Kaff> i just shook my fist a lot and said "grr"
<sisko> haha. and I suppose he was utterly intimidated
<Kaff> like a good husband, he's suitably scared of me.
<Kaff> he's seen me naked.
#305703
<%SxS> heh, this is why I tell my students to never use Wikipedia as a source
<%SxS> I have in front of me a paper that starts with "The internet was invented in 1976 by Al Gore".
#59556
Fire> When I code late at night, I find things in it in the morning like /** TODO -- something */
#23839
<manmanandboyboy> date syllabus check
<d00fus> dinner, movie, then snuggling
<munbty> carnival, cotton candy, and then moonlight stroll
<soccy_pants> drugs, rape, 2 hour police chase
#137951
shawnz> somebody's signature on xkcd forums is "warning: unpleasant spoiler." followed by a spoiler tag
shawnz> so i hit show
shawnz> Spoiler:
shawnz> You just lost the game.
#11647
<Hydrac7> We're desperate to get rid of it
<Astroboy> so desperate you will give it away for free?
<Hydrac7> People around here are too poor to get ripped off by me
#37879
<Tenor> omg dude
<Tenor> i was at olive garden today
<Tenor> and my grandpa was there too
<Tenor> and he goes "hey, i didn't get a breadstick" (everyone else had)
<Tenor> then he goes "what am i, black?"
<Tenor> i almost died laughing
Comment: maybe we're all racists.... (from #tenor on irc.gamesurge.net)
#32921
<Skizot> my boss is a moron
<Skizot> he walked in an i had left mirc open
<Skizot> he asked what it was...
<Berry2K> bussiness relations?
<Skizot> i told him a new support program by microsoft
<Berry2K> :)
<Berry2K> haha
<Skizot> he says" do i need it"
<RightField> lol
<Skizot> i told him no... it's for really techincal people and n00bs
<Berry2K> WTFLOL
<Skizot> he asks what's a n00b
<RightField> omg
<Skizot> i told him that's what they call microsoft programmers
#30563
<Henke^-_-[CA]> what the hell do i buy for parents wedding anniversary ....
<creep`> sex toys
<creep`> spice up that marriage for them
#24993
<secracy> what would be the correct way to be able to have !! in my php script ?
<sZombie> secracy: what?
<secracy> my two exclimation marks arent showing up on my form
<sZombie> secracy: you need to do a double-back-flip-exclamation-mark-escape
#33116
<delmore> i just fucked a chick i know,she squirted in my face, he he, how cool is that?
<@Manyiu> you didnt leave this chan for the last two hours
<@Manyiu> and you werent idle for a min
<@_razor_> so you were fucking her and typing on irc?
<delmore> nah, i was typing when she was sucking me off
<@UncleMart> Laptops are good for that, get the girl in doggy and place it on her ass so you can fuck and be on IRC at the same time
<@Manyiu> this makes this story of yours far less plausible than the drug one
<@_razor_> lolol
#33004
<smilodon> once upon a time
<smilodon> there was
<Mithandir> yes
<Mithandir> but then
<Mithandir> there wasn't
<Mithandir> "A summary of life, the universe and everything" by S. Milodon and M. Ithandir
#33191
<Uranus> VFGBI|Space-Monkey: lemonparty.org is down? well, that just goes to show you how little you know of the net, you can just check out the google cache here and OH MY GOD THE HORRAR
#295355
NewClear4: did you win the argument?
ccmods: From the perspective that I was correct, yes. From the perspective that arguing with a 13 year old kid whose voice was cracking, no.
#13841
<yrlnry> When was 'O Canada' introduced? Must have been
pretty recently---maybe in the 1960's?
<ignatz> "A Canada" through "N Canada" were failures. Then
MacKenzie MacKenzie, a defrocked Mountie from Lard Heights,
Alberta, had a flash of inspiration one day while drinking
maple syrup.
<ignatz> The rest is history.
#5304
<pdksh> jesus h christ
<pdksh> 'i got tired of that screensaver on that other computer so i turned it off'
<pdksh> my sister hard-shutdown my bsd box.
<pdksh> in the middle of a kernel compile.
<pdksh> not to mention that the little blinky light on the hub was annoying her
<pdksh> so she pulled out that wire too
<pdksh> ...
<pdksh> and she managed to rip a wire pair out of the wire.
<pdksh> yet she wants to be a cs major in college.
<dmaster-> I would beat her into a coma
<pdksh> dmaster-: im about to. either that or change her aim password so she jumps off a bridge.
<bob354> pdksh: haha a cs major?
<pdksh> bob354: yeah... 'i like to surf the internet and chat on aim to all my friends all the time so im good with computers and im good at that microsoft wordart. mom said i should go to computer school like you!'
#4130
<djazonic> tiko: do you know how to setup a win2k's telnet server?
<JediPimp> djazonic: format c:\ ; <insert linux CD>
#1654
Mr Brown> ill snip ur ass
<JD> I'll carry that flag so good, you won't know what hit ya
<JD> Wait, that didn't sound very threatening...
#49262
<|VIPER|> how can i find the number of files in a directory? (including sub-dirs)
<Petarius> right click -> properties
<Petarius> Oh wait, this is a linux channel
Comment: #gentoo @ EFnet
#5836
<PhantomOfTheRouter> never got another call from them till they bought a new accounting package that needed Win95
<PhantomOfTheRouter> and Novell for the servers..
<PhantomOfTheRouter> went in to upgrade the machines..
<PhantomOfTheRouter> moved the first 2 workgroup servers to Novell 4.11
<PhantomOfTheRouter> couldn't find the third
<PhantomOfTheRouter> asked them where they moved it to...
<PhantomOfTheRouter> umm, moved ?
<PhantomOfTheRouter> yeah, where did you move WKG3SRV to ?
<PhantomOfTheRouter> ummm...
<PhantomOfTheRouter> we didn't change anything
<PhantomOfTheRouter> You had to have moved it when you remodelled the office! The wiring closet in the hall is gone...
<PhantomOfTheRouter> oh shit!
#12864
<usagi> "As for religion and science, I'm placing a restraining order, Religion must stay 500 feet from Science at all times."
#56852
Ducky: So here I am, on Google earth, spying on my ex, when she calls.
Ducky: and I’m all freaking out, because I’m thinking that she knows I’m spying on her.
Leila: Dude, you know that Google earth isn’t live right?
Ducky: Shit. Now she thinks I’m stupid and an asshole!
Leila: You TOLD her that you were spying on her?
Ducky: Um… yeah.
Leila: wow, you are stupid.
#39926
<ircToonz> I like pot more than beer because I don't wake up in my own vomit when I smoke to much pot
#3154
<spazzer> !quote *_bas*
<festis> <_Bas> stop fucking quoting me