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#7966
(CitizenC): I spilled my ashtray all over my computer earlier today.
(CitizenC): Son of a bitch.
(CitizenC): Took forever to clean up.
(CitizenC): At least I don't have to empty my ashtray now.
#28781
<Ab0mination> I sleep on a bunk bed yeah, which is only accessbile by a ladder and last night I must've been dreaming or something because I woke up screaming about my ladder being taken off my bed so I couldn't get down
<Ab0mination> And I dreamt that there was a badger sleeping at the end of the bed
<Ab0mination> So in sheer terror I jumped from my bunkbed down onto the floor at 3am.
<Ab0mination> I've now got to go to the vet to get my cat checked out because I landed right on him as he was sleeping on my floor and squashed him. (he's a deaf fuckwit)
<Ab0mination> My parents and sisters are not speaking to me.
<Ab0mination> Because they found me kneeling down beside the limp cat yelling manically at it and waggling my fingers at it like the Borg of Star Trek do.
<Ab0mination> Apparently I was screaming: "I am Locutus of Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile".
#2785
* iban is going to invent a marriage simulator. It's a blowup doll that sits on the couch, takes your money, and slowly inflates larger and larger
#5531
<Anton> my unhairy mates have better luck than me with women
<Spooky> shitty
<Spooky> I figure keep your spirits up and standards low
#40168
<@Dr4g0n> I have 4 inches to grow and im done with puberty
Comment: Sometimes it's good to specify words like "height"
#15710
<Stemish> "How many NOC staff does it take it screw in a light bulb?"
<PetrDoubt> 500 to send the outage notices to nocstaff, 14 managers to
escalate it to client services and back, and one to change it.
#42967
<+Sekkira> the OS is popping at me
<+Maeg> popping?
<+Maeg> that's what happens when you heat up the kernel
Comment: #knet @ irc.rizon.net
#27922
<oblique> i dated a canadian once
<Znutar> Did you get a refund?
#26319
<maff> you know you're too much of a pothead when you stop getting weed jokes
#18316
<count^> real life is just something the government invented to steal my money
#30887
* lsq didnt think you could marry a vibrator.
<mossop> you can't dear
<Ama_away> you probably can in sweden
#13457
<bugg> hrm
<bugg> $280 million jackpot
<bugg> that's enough to give every man, woman, and child in the nation one million dollars
#6706
<boomer> mount rushmore, contrary to popular opinion, did not grow that way
#2150
* Derek_ thinks costa ricans are wierd
<matts> I think people who spell weird "wierd" are weird
#20480
<asshat> went for lunch at the hardrock with a friend
<+mcfly> hardrock... is that the resturaunt where they serve you naked?
<asshat> went to the bathroom, was taking a piss, sneezed, and peed one the dude next to me's shoes
<asshat> sneakers
<asshat> Mark cuban wears Pony sneakers
<+mcfly> wait
<+mcfly> wait
<+mcfly> you peed
<+mcfly> on mark cuban?
<asshat> sprinkled his shoes
<asshat> from splashback from urinal
<+mcfly> BWAHAHAHAAH
<asshat> theres only 2 urinals in ahardrock cafe
<asshat> with a little divider
<+mcfly> thats cause they can't afford another
<+mcfly> but still
<+mcfly> BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA
<asshat> I apologized
<asshat> and i didnt realize who he was
<morningbell> did he call you a cunt
<asshat> no
<asshat> he laughed
<asshat> then left the bathroom and he sat and read the paper
<asshat> i told the bartender what happend, he laughed his ass off then he told me who that waas
#2330
[13:18] *** BombScare (BombScare@XDDD.10x.bro) has joined #phear
[13:18] <BombScare> woo...lets see how long my cable lasts today
[13:22] *** BombScare (BombScare@XDDD.10x.bro) Quit (Read error: 104 (Connection reset by peer))
[13:23] *** BombScare (BombScare@XDDD.10x.bro) has joined #phear
[13:23] <LPC> new record
[13:23] <LPC> 4 minutes
#300867
<Thadd> I'm mormon
<Thadd> in the sense I stockpile assault weapons and have sex with teenage girls
<Thadd> other than that I'm an atheist
Comment: #arc-nova.org on DarkMyst IRC
#308431
<+beefCake> hmm has someone got stuck down a drain :d
<+beefCake> there's been a confined space safety and rescue unit van outside for a bit
<+beefCake> some sort of tripod on the pavement further up
< Cheez> go out and say "what's that? timmy's fallen down the well?!"
< Cheez> then run back inside barking
< Phatteh> run over and say "i came as soon as lassie told me what happened!"
Comment: #multiplay@qnet
#67342
<goldfish> datagram, highschools throw away blackboards when they "upgrade" to whiteboards
<goldfish> KEEPING THE BLACKBOARD DOWN
#6549
* Lemieux doesnt do the menage-a-trois thing
<Lemieux> at least... not if there's 2 women involved
<skidd> so you're a multiple input woman?
* Lemieux is not a porn star
<JayByrd> you don't have to be a porn star
<JayByrd> dirties across the land are getting it at both ends, as we speak
#5660
<Sys> I hate maths. What do you reckon they'll do if I fail it?
<0ut_Lore> you repeat it. fail it AGAIN, and you face the exclusion board. guess what they do? ;P
<Sys> Exclude you from having to do it a third time? :D
#7963
<Vhata> #linux is one of those...
<Vhata> things
<Vhata> what do you call a project that is no longer being maintained?
<Nimnod> a failure.
<Vhata> heh
#4015
<aeflux> I swear 85% of the CS community failed remedial english in 3rd grade
<Gunny> 85% of the CS community hasn't made it to the 3rd grade
#305512
<snaphat> what does ({}) mean?
<snaphat> i tried googling and google doesn't even know
<NN> snaphat: Unless I'm quite mistaken, female genetalia.
<snaphat> thats what I thought, but I i've never seen it before
#303631
<nukespoon> me and my brother are watching the same stream on our own computers
<nukespoon> i am half a second faster 8)
<Sebas> Make sure he doesn't catch up
<Sebas> You don't want to cross the streams