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#21109
<Danarchy> I'm glad that with my small penis, I'll always be gentle with the ladies
#17364
<+meb> after ten minutes of trying to get him off
<+meb> it did it automaticly..
<+meb> yay
#307222
<pawz> the other day.. when i turned up in town to service this client? i actually turned up in the middle of hte night and i couldnt check into my hotel until morning. so before i left i dropped 5 tabs of lsd, and by the time i arrived i was absolutely tripping balls
<pawz> i went into the park and stacked all my bags up and put a stuffed pikachu on the top and sat there chatting on irc for a few hours
<pawz> then i walked to my old university, and wandered around seeing if my old keycard would give me access to anything
<pawz> and gave people really bizarre answers when people asked me who i was and what i was doing there
<pawz> "why are you sitting outisde the refectory with a laptop and tablet and a pickahu plushie ?" "pikachu and i are auditing your network"
Comment: #68kMLA on chat.freenode.net
#306827
PokerFace: 12++ = 7503840
XoNiC: unlikely.
PokerFace: thats what the instrument says
PokerFace: only happens when compiled for sh3
PokerFace: its fine in x86
XoNiC: That's what sh3 said.
#195
<bash_> don't touch me there
<bash_> whoops, wrong window
#39661
Montezume: last time I went and got my hair cut I broke a mirror
Pixy Stixer: not smart
Montezume: they told me it was because I dropped it, but I knew better...
Pixy Stixer: lol
Montezume: so if I'm not mistaken...I think that's 7 years of bad haircuts
#4249
<Altoid> patience, young skywalker
<DeX`> but that leia bitch wont put out!
<DeX`> shes got those huge danishes on her ears to hang onto....
<Altoid> mmmm
<Altoid> danish
<Altoid> you fuck her, I'll eat the ears
#55247
<@Jarn> My entire belief system is under attack.
<wotnarg> ?
<@Jarn> I just found a microsoft product that is not only easy, but GOOD. :/
<@Jarn> I can't believe it.
<@Jarn> Has everything I've stood for... been a lie?
<@Jarn> Curse you, Windows Movie Maker 2.1! You are shaking the foundations of my life!
<@Jarn> Help me!
<@Jarn> What do I do? What do I believe? I'm so confused!
<wotnarg> Don't worry...
<wotnarg> It was probably made by a small company that was bought out.
<wotnarg> Like Halo.
<@Jarn> Thank you, I believe I understand now.
<@Jarn> My faith was shaken, but came out stronger in the end.
Comment: #wotlinux
#68894
<sysv> omg i was so fucking stoned yesterday
<sysv> got off the wrong level on the lift at work today
<sysv> all the floors have the same layout, and the tech center is in the same place per each floor
<sysv> so i goes and gets off at some chinese engineering level in our building
<sysv> walk into the office, through the office, and sit down in my chair in the server room
<sysv> i'm like "My, this chair is so comfy!... When did we upgrade our servers to Quad Xeon's?"...
<sysv> and people are coming to me asking for help, so I'm helping and shit, doing my job...
<sysv> 4 hours into it, someone asks me if I'm Guy Yee's assistant... and I'm like "who the fuck is Guy Yee?"...
<sysv> things went downhill from there, once they realized (and i realized) I didn't work on that level
<sysv> but they were happy to pay me for my 4 hours of time, and send me on my way down the lift to my companies level... i was wonderin why everyone was so fucking nice to me
<sysv> -_-
#304793
Phil: C++ is java's uncle that never comes to visit, and had half his face blown off when he stepped on a landmine, also he's a pedophile.
Phil: But he's the industry standard.
#4715
<@Spidey> you can get stamps anywhere
<@Spidey> grocery store, convenient store
<@Spidey> ;[
<@Spidey> -t+ce?
<@josho> setting modes on your sentences again, addict?
#18464
<Zimbu> Listening to WvSoulja's raps is like masturbating with a cheese grater-- sorta amusing, but mostly painful.
#50245
<JakQ> you know what's ironic?
<JakQ> breaking a pair of safety glasses and having the shards fly up and hit you in the face
#2201
<Guilty> I see, your ignorance expands far beyond ATI video cards
#13541
<MartinBr> LOOK AT MY IDLE!!!
<MartinBr> Uh.... d'oh!
#1175
<Loser> i just got an idea
<Loser> i bet noone's done this before
<Loser> get like 100 guys to come into a bottle
<Loser> and then pay a chick to drink it
<AlmtyBob> Loser: um, that's what bukkake is all about
<ryo-ohki> I have videos to prove it.
<ryo-ohki> We're talking like a fucking clear saucer FULL of spooge
<ryo-ohki> Like, she could pour some cereal on it and still not have enough cereal to finish the jizz off.
#44924
<CAPS-LOCK> ARRGH
<CAPS-LOCK> As I unplugged a 4.3Gb SCSI HD, three of the power connector pins broke
<CAPS-LOCK> Equipped with only a 45-watt glass iron with a flat tip and a 3/4 used spool of silver-bearing solder I set out to reattach them
<CAPS-LOCK> After 45 minutes of burning my fingers trying to avoid knocking the damn things over with my gigantic iron, I finally managed to get them all fixed
<CAPS-LOCK> I gleefully went upstairs and attempted to reinstall the HD in its new home.
<CAPS-LOCK> but as I plugged in the power connector...
<CAPS-LOCK> ALL FOUR PINS BROKE!!!!
<CAPS-LOCK> My belly is so full of hate right now...
<overridex> CAPS-LOCK: hmm.... that's kind of like killing a weed in your lawn with a bazooka while leaving everything else in tact ;)
Comment: Woops, trimmed too much off that last one.
#6938
<eric> ...whered #goatsex go?
<PyroP> hell.
<eric> mommy, where do cheerleaders come from?
<PyroP> hell.
<eric> ...whats lleh backwards?
<LdySaphyre> cheerleader.
#3353
<mightyflo> why is the k in cmyk a k?
<nitrifik_> cause it's kool like dat.
<mightyflo> cyan, magenta, and yellow kool-aid
<mightyflo> that would go over pretty well with the geek crowd
<mightyflo> they should market a new flavor that way
<nitrifik_> CMYKOOL
<nitrifik_> I'd buy it.
#29448
<Atob> The internet's like the Bible but with pictures.
<Atob> And those pictures are of naked ladies.
#780
<dizzy_working> you couldn't kick my ass if I gave you special ass-kicking shoes and bent over for ya
#137652
<Trinexx> Foster brought a client down to the basement today
<Trinexx> I was wearing that fucking hat they decided to make me wear
<Trinexx> my hair in a ponytail
<Trinexx> this shiteating client sees me, thinks I'm a chick
<Trinexx> says "hey baby, are you having fun?"
<Trinexx> I ignore the asswad
<Trinexx> he walks up behind me, puts his hand on my shoulder, and repeats the question
<Trinexx> I turn around, look him dead in the eye, and say in my deepest voice possible "Yeah honey, now that you're here"
<Trinexx> guy nearly jumped out of his skin
#31337
<kode54> next quote up is #31337
#5275
<zymurgy> #define NULL NULL /* because I can dammit! */
#15851
<NikeMan> Uuuuh, in 10 mins i'll be driving boat. And it's 9am
<NikeMan> Suckz
<Camus> I could drive if I wanted to but I don't feel like turning on my playstation.
<Fleebis> lol