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#26407
<kolby> dude...true story...Jacob was masturbating in our bathroom and the light doesn't work so instead of grabbing lotion, he lubed up his dick with ben-gay. I had to take him to the fucking hospital. It was like a movie.
<Wes> hahahah
<kolby> yea but hey, don't make fun of him, it's been a rough fuckin night
<Wes> Ah come on
<kolby> nah man, seriously
*** Jacob has joined #e/n
<kolby> HAHA! How's your red cock feel you fucking idiot?
#19391
<Vulpes> I feel fine.
<Su-chan> Goooooooood.
<Su-chan> *hands Vulpes a cookie*
<Vulpes> Actually, I have a slight tummyache. Too many cummy bears, I think.
<Vulpes> ...
<Vulpes> gummy.
<Vulpes> I'm going to go back to writing now.
#52046
[@turk]: asked my boss for a raise at work
[@turk]: if (!$raise) { /quit }
#30065
<@MrSaturn> Friend of mine goes to Fry's
<@MrSaturn> He obsesses over it
<@MrSaturn> He's like
<@MrSaturn> "OMG I FRIED MY MOTHERBOARD! HOORAY!"
#11473
<largo`> my client thought an swf extension stood for "single white female"
#295523
<Rocks_the_Keys> noooooooo red ring of death on my xbox
<Rocks_the_Keys> anyone know how to play .avi movies on a wii?
<Keevan> put a laptop on top of the wii
#34829
<CptnSwede> _________
<CptnSwede> < Hi, Lk! >
<CptnSwede> ---------
<CptnSwede> \ _
<CptnSwede> \ (_)
<CptnSwede> \ ^__^ / \
<CptnSwede> \ (oo)\_____/_\ \
<CptnSwede> (__)\ ) /
<CptnSwede> ||----w ((
<CptnSwede> || ||>>
<LkButter1> Ah, Captain Swedish Porno
<LkButter1> We meet again!
Comment: #ramen
#8087
<Aussiedog> guess what?? i actually get a cd in my eye just now
<Iceman> how?
<Aussiedog> i am chewing a cd
<Aussiedog> and iput it in my hand and it flicked into my eye
<Iceman> Aussiedog: you know cd tops are toxic? :P
<Aussiedog> HOLY SHIT
<Aussiedog> ok i spat is otu
<Aussiedog> how toxic?
<Aussiedog> coz my mouth is burning a little
#33488
<drdank> Wil's not gay!
<goatasaur> yeah
<goatasaur> he drew tits on my back before he fucked me in the ass
Comment: #fark
#14666
[02:17:43] • +wysiwyg sings "your no good for me i dont need nobody, dont need no one thats no good for me"
[+wysiwyg] and if ne1 points out it should be "you're" ill kill em
[@Miz] i'll
+wysiwyg slaps Mr Pedantic with a flacid kipper
[Sarcho] flaccid?
[+wysiwyg] oh fuck off
#19865
<strlen> vw buses rock.
<gibichung> i don't think the buses rock on their own
#41868
<Pirengle> I belong to an on-campus all-female D&D group. My character, Damiar Longblade, got married to one of my hallmates characters, Sylva Atenel.
<Pirengle> Damiar kinda sorta knocked Sylva up, and then fell in love with her. He encouraged her to do things other than heal, and to enjoy life. (She's a cleric--he's a bard.) They finally get married.
<Pirengle> Sylva thinks she just got excommunicated from her church of healers. So she finally admits her love for her husband and attempts to seduce him. By taking the initiative for the first time in the relationship.
<jcompton> Huh. You find any time to go on quests and kill monsters and pick locks and stuff?
<Echon> JC: She said it is *female* group... Pay attention, please.
#37866
<_Goofyman> 13.33 for 25 knives
<_Goofyman> I have a question
<_Goofyman> What kind of shit quality are these things?
<PPM> Well, certain people need to buy knives in bulk for cheap.
<PPM> Like ninjas.
#29811
<Will> hmm i think it be time i put xp pron on this machine
<Will> xp pro
#5073
<langdon> win2k is tight.
<langdon> i added all my warez ftp sites to network neighborhood
#306563
* TFBundy quit (No route to host)
* TFBundy joined
<TFBundy> cat just faceplanted into my router
#5755
<@zartik> i just banned someone from #freebsdhelp
<@zartik> and he msg's me:
<@zartik> -06:46- [ hegemon ] So I have nobody to turn to and must go back to Windows.
<@madog> should be nice and unban him, thats evil to make him use windows =<
#13148
[aphr0] do hospitals let you keep the umbilical cord?
[aphr0] I'ma have my kid's cord made into a die
[aphr0] tie
[aphr0] or freeze it and tan it and make it into a cane
[aphr0] give it to my kid when he learns to walk so he can walk around and pimp bitches with his umbilical cord
#25048
dsfsdf: I need a job
bumlube: you can just whore your sweet ass to the highest bidder.
bumlube: you chicks have it so easy.
dsfsdf: Will you be one of them?
bumlube: fuck no. i'm saving my money for a bitch without syphillis.
#1912
<D\TOX> I just got an e-mail about setting up a 3some
<D\TOX> MSN WHORES
<vermifuge> DO IT DOUG
<D\TOX> they might wonder where "Steve" is when a 30 year old web developer shows up and says "Let's fuck"
#9497
(@eliaz`medal): i have broken two of my erm
(@eliaz`medal): foot things
(@eliaz`medal): extensions
(@eliaz`medal): those little thigns on ur feet
(@eliaz`medal): 5 on each ::
(@eliaz`medal): :/
(@eliaz`medal): dunno name
(@Ched): toes?
#95752
<mongrethod> the highschool journalism website i run gets 50k hits monthly
<mongrethod> and I was really happy about that
<mongrethod> until I looked at our search keyphrase hits
<mongrethod> top category that wasn't "other"
<mongrethod> "Paly Boy"
<mongrethod> My school is named paly
<mongrethod> so I was thinking
<mongrethod> hmm thats odd
<mongrethod> then it hit me
<mongrethod> rearrange the a and the l
<mongrethod> I haven't had the heart to tell my staff
#49452
<Goose> if you could only renice a person's inner crazy
<deblin> lol
<deblin> dude it's a woman, impossible =O
<Goose> lol
<Goose> single tasking system
<Yock> deblin: is there an entry in pf.conf for the cross country move? Maybe you can lower its priority too
<Yock> nice -19 `pidof wife`
<shray> bahaha
#307222
<pawz> the other day.. when i turned up in town to service this client? i actually turned up in the middle of hte night and i couldnt check into my hotel until morning. so before i left i dropped 5 tabs of lsd, and by the time i arrived i was absolutely tripping balls
<pawz> i went into the park and stacked all my bags up and put a stuffed pikachu on the top and sat there chatting on irc for a few hours
<pawz> then i walked to my old university, and wandered around seeing if my old keycard would give me access to anything
<pawz> and gave people really bizarre answers when people asked me who i was and what i was doing there
<pawz> "why are you sitting outisde the refectory with a laptop and tablet and a pickahu plushie ?" "pikachu and i are auditing your network"
Comment: #68kMLA on chat.freenode.net
#102842
<@Biomech> op3r, redpriest owns textfiles.com?
<@ProtocoLD> does it matter ?
<@Biomech> yes
<@jonl> why?
<@Biomech> it's like when Nikon finds out Crash Override was Zero Cool