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#49491
<xkcd> Guy in line: English should be the national language, these immigrants should have to learn English when they come here.
<xkcd> Girl in line: Yeah
<xkcd> Guy: When you go to live somewhere, you learn the language they speak there. English is the language of the land.
<xkcd> Sarah Mac: (from behind in line) Excuse me, but -- osio sarah dawado.
<xkcd> Guy: What the hell was that?
<xkcd> Sarah: Cherokee.
#271579
<Sharq> I was at work one day with my fellow temps at an IT job, fairly menial work for someone in IT, such as OS upgrades on old hardware...
<Sharq> Anyways, one day we were discussing our wages, considering the fact that they probably knew we were accomplishing dick-all in our hole in the wall while roaming the internet unmonitored using our admin privileges.
<Sharq> That's when I thoughtfully declared that they were not in fact paying us for our work. I pointed out that we worked with no supervision, limited accountability and no job security (we were done working there as soon as the project's time-table finished).
<Sharq> With this in mind I argued this point while gesticulating wildly at a pile of over a hundred freshly unpacked and reformatted laptops worth over $200,000...
<Sharq> They were in fact just bribing us not to steal shit.
#34139
<Valeria> This is my computer. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My computer is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it, as I must master my life.
<Valeria> Without me my computer is useless. Without my computer, I am useless. I must use my computer well. I must K-Line faster than my enemy who is trying to K-Line me.
<Valeria> I must pwn him before he pwns me. I will. Before God I swear this creed. My computer and myself are defenders of my server. We are the masters of our enemy. We are the saviours of my life. So be it .. . until there is no enemy ... but Microsoft. Amen.
#8717
<tobester> woah FIRE
<tobester> bbiab
#294803
<zedebsky> by the time we got to the city i had to piss so bad and the windshield was so covered in salt i could barely see where i was going
<zedebsky> and the squirter thing was all frozen up
<zedebsky> so i filled up a bottle with piss and dumped it on the windshield
<zedebsky> two problems solved zero dolla
#41012
<ozzy> Mace?
<ozzy> Could you link me to a WMP10 d/l?
<Mace> Hi, I'm Google. I'm useful.
#5324
<highdrow> when you finally get to the end of all the spam
<highdrow> it's kind of dissapointing that there isn't more to delete
<highdrow> ;\
#34146
<Valek> Life sucks, I hope I get drunk this weekend.
<WzL> life sucks
<WzL> and it don't even swallow
<Valek> Yeah but if your lucky you find a girl who does, then life doesn't suck anymore.
<WzL> But if yer unlucky she lives in another country
<Valek> And if your really unlucky shes a guy.
<Valek> And if your really fucked
<Valek> She has a bigger penis then you
#74366
mistah_j: most fat people are like IT'S MY METABOLISM
mistah_j: it's like no shit it's your metabolism
mistah_j: it can't burn 8000 calories a day you fat fucks
Comment: #rohmacking on espernet
#185761
<Brushwell> You know you're gay when your granny knits you a cocksock for christmas
<TR> and then says "you'll grow into it"
#53280
[Allies]stratus: how's everyone?
[Allies]iMmortal: im fine. feeling better than i did before. i just got off work
[Allies]stratus: things have been slow today
[Allies]Spinny: day after the holidays, everybody's busy at the retail stores returning everything
[Allies]iMmortal: yeah
[Allies]stratus: where do you guys work?
[Allies]iMmortal: UPS
[Allies]Spinny: fedex
[Allies]iMmortal: ...
[Allies]Spinny: ...
*iMmortal was betrayed by Spinny
[Allies]iMmortal: wtf!
Comment: multiplayer games....so fun
#18503
<splat_v2> bob is in a pigfucker mood!
* HrdwrBoB goes off in search of a pig :)
<splat_v2> you wanna make it squeal!
<splat_v2> and its good cause they dont sweat!
* HrdwrBoB doesn't ask how you know that
#49745
<+skittz> that's not as bad as when I was a little kid and I heard some older kids say some words I didn't know, but I thought they meant "yes" because the kid nodded when he said it
<+skittz> anyway
<+skittz> so one day my mom's like
<+skittz> "Would you like a sandwich, dear?"
<+skittz> And I go
<+skittz> "NIGGA WHAT?!'
<+RyuKojiro> XD
<+skittz> oh man was my ass red after that belting XD
Comment: Freenode rocks :P
#13449
<Blue^_> xach
<Blue^_> wanna bw later?><
<Ershin> OK
<Date`Kyosuke> That almost sounds indecent. :o
#4159
<Teratogen> what is the difference between PMS and PWS?
<Rhelik> Teratogen: one is a curse on men sent by god, the other is a curse on men sent by microsoft
#2908
<DEMI1999> ed's hit an all time high of un-understandability
<DEMI1999> <eDz0ph_gb> d0f eye ,ent n0am
#23130
<Quietetetet> I think all the bash moderators wear ku klux klan clothes at the weekend
#50774
<@philb> I have a new task at work, I have to improve traffic to the website by not changing anything or advertising
<@philb> I've decided to use chanting
<@philb> I'll tail -f the logs of the webservers on a giant projector screen in an abandoned church
<@philb> and chant a lot.
#19296
<Himeko> what does splitting dessert have to do with being gay
<RokChik> b/c
<RokChik> mostly only couples split desserts
<Himeko> hmmm
<Himeko> how about drinking from the same straw?
<RokChik> yep
<unity_> having sex?
<Himeko> damn
<Himeko> i'm gay
#6558
<zhixel> I'm starting to think I drive too fast.
<felix> nothing wrong with 80mhz.
<felix> unless a highway patrol officer tells you otherwise.
<felix> like one did to me today.
<zhixel> I'm sorry felix, my car isn't a 486.
<barkode> got a ticket?
<felix> i got a speeding ticket going work
<barkode> "sorry officer, i had my soda on the turbo button"
<felix> zhixel: fuck off. 80mph, too
#14510
<nightfal> diffused: Runtime().exec() is just a shortcut to
((Satan)System.getPropety("SATAN")).burnMyFaceOff(). Don't do it
#42152
<BobDragonslayer> The rabbi of said temple wanted to hear the south park song "I'm a lonely jew at christmas"
<BobDragonslayer> so a co worker and I loaded up Kazaa and tracked down a copy, complete with thevideo
<BobDragonslayer> so me, the rabbi, and my rather religious co-worker are sitting in the temple front office, and we start it up
<BobDragonslayer> and it's lesbian porn
Comment: #btc
#52156
NoVwith A Bullet: lol, get this
NoVwith A Bullet: I'm chillin' here in cooper hall after hours
NoVwith A Bullet: building's all locked up
mattye15: yah
mattye15: lol
NoVwith A Bullet: security guards walk by and are like "yo, just to let you know, it's locked up, so if you leave, you can't get back in, and don't let anyone in"
NoVwith A Bullet: about half an hour later, I hear this knocking at the door next to me
NoVwith A Bullet: I ignore it
NoVwith A Bullet: it gets louder
NoVwith A Bullet: still ignore
NoVwith A Bullet: the person is freakin' POUNDING on the door when I decide to get up and look
NoVwith A Bullet: it's the security guards
NoVwith A Bullet: they locked themselves out
mattye15: LOL
mattye15: thats funny
NoVwith A Bullet: oh BOY do I feel safe on this campus!
mattye15: wow
NoVwith A Bullet: Best part? They left again without getting their keys
#7966
(CitizenC): I spilled my ashtray all over my computer earlier today.
(CitizenC): Son of a bitch.
(CitizenC): Took forever to clean up.
(CitizenC): At least I don't have to empty my ashtray now.
#8364
<dn> i'm not sure i could ever endure a d&d session, i'd fall asleep
<Valvados> Not if its a DnD orgy
<Valvados> WHOOHOO, I ROLLED A NATURAL 20! THE PALADIN HAS TO TAKE OFF HIS LOINCLOTH