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#16543
<Pest> i was talking to a gurl at school
<Pest> her name was nicole
<Koen> heh :)
<Pest> she was like how are you doing today
<Pest> i went
<Pest> well im alright..but id be better if someone named nicole was slobbing my knob
<Koen> rofl
<Koen> :(
<Pest> she smacked me
<Pest> :/
#3230
<NtG> you know theres one thing I love about the internet
<NtG> theres such a multitude of repulsive fat ugly chick pictures
#8282
<sum1tolded2medatvirtrghey> i thought you did music?
<baygledawg> oh i wish
<baygledawg> that would be my second dream job
<sum1tolded2medatvirtrghey> what's your first? professional sperm producer?
<baygledawg> ok, writing music would be my third dream job
#1222
<Ron912> oh wow pregnant porno
<Ron912> that's like a 2 for 1 deal
#19467
Lotach: earlier today at work, I took some confectionary sugar and laid it out in a thin line, then left a straw next to it and walked away
#5595
<@goose> does any one know a way of checking if some one is online without using msn or any over chat software
<@goose> ?
<+KawaiiUsagi> not unless you know their assigned ip addy
<@goose> nope
<@goose> BT change it every time you log on
<@goose> can you ping the phone number ?
#56360
<segin> what is conky?
<tsunam> conky = a nice little display for various information about your computer
<segin> can i use it to watch pr0n?
<tsunam> it can tell you how much of your computer is being used for watching the pr0n
<segin> blah, i already know how much of my computer is being used to watch pr0n: not enough!
#308081
<beeba> is this where i report issues?
<acous> you're nearly there beeba... in 26 minutes a short nordic man will enter, order a hamburger and leave without paying, follow him, but don't get too close. by the time he reaches the park he will have removed a pocket watch from his breast pocket.
<acous> then and only then, say to him, "dear lord, is that the time"
<acous> he will hand you a small red envelope with further instructions
#52748
<jesterlo1> So back in the day of the modem, when porn was limited to pictures only, I used to go to lots of thumbnail galleries and save the pictures to a folder that I would use a slideshow on afterwards.
<jesterlo1> The great thing about a slideshow is that pressing any key makes it disappear, good for the uninvited guest, know what I mean?
<jesterlo1> Well it turned out that uninvited guest was my father and I was in the middle of a "session" so I quickly press escape and ask him whats up.
<jesterlo1> He looks at me, looks at the screen, I look at the screen, say, "uhhhhhhhhhh", then he mutters something about if there was any email for him and leaves quickly.
<jesterlo1> FUCKING INTERNET EXPLORER HAS "SET AS BACKGROUND" NEXT TO "SAVE IMAGE"
<jesterlo1> And said pic was a huge cock spraying all over this girls face.
<jesterlo1> But because of the dimensions of the pic, all you could see was a huge cock spraying as my background.
<jesterlo1> And that my friends, is why I use Firefox.
#57554
<MarkTheMeS> Sharon Stone looked a little like Kelly Ripa on Letterman the other day.
<Eternal_Sunshine_Mind> she reminds me too much of an aunt of mine. so kinda creepy.
<MarkTheMeS> Single aunt?
<Eternal_Sunshine_Mind> 5 kids married
<Eternal_Sunshine_Mind> 6 kids*
<monolithblue> wow, that was fast work
<MarkTheMeS> yikes
<Junk> she just shoot out another one?!
#292
<skunko> dammit
<skunko> how do you get past the metallica ban on napster
<AlmtyBob> not liking crap music is a start
#51274
<patours> my ftp is yours :)
<Pnuts> oooooh
<Pnuts> I like when you talk dirty
<patours> lol
<JU5TICE> Nothing like hammering an ftp until the early morning. "Take my big files, you dirty virus ridden server"
<JU5TICE> Apparently
<Jose`> who's your admin
<Jose`> yeah
<Jose`> thats right
<Jose`> who's your admin!
#14249
<andjusticeforall> I've figured it out. If you ever get mugged by someone, just say, "Take it easy man, all I got is a $16 bill", then knee him in the nuts when he tries to figure out what the fuck you just said.
#76942
<Foxhill[away]> vista was released yesterday
<Foxhill[away]> 6 security updates released today
<Foxhill[away]> go go microsoft
<eranu> i thought its whole selling point was it was 'more secure' than xp
<Foxhill[away]> vista may be the most secure after Windows ME
<Foxhill[away]> cus no-one used that either
<Foxhill[away]> ME didn't actually spend enough time between crashes for a virus infection to kick in
#28354
<Corster> ops plz?
<Anaxis|workin`> what do i get out of it?
<Corster> gay cybor sex
<Anaxis|workin`> Deal.
Comment: #sf
#2099
<ScratGod> I put a comment by each line of code that says
<ScratGod> x = 1; // FUCK YOU FIGURE IT OUT YOURSELF BITCH
#116245
<Trinexx> Holy crap that was awkward...
<Trinexx> neighbour of mine called and asked me to attend a surprise party she was throwing for her husband
<Trinexx> About 30 minutes after he showed up, she announced to him and the rest of us that she was pregnant.
<Trinexx> Mike says "Honey, I've been meaning to tell you, but..."
<Trinexx> "I'm sterile."
<Trinexx> I grabbed my coat and left.
#105149
<UMKid08> Hey James, what did the tableau calculus say to the fair node selection algorithm?
<jamesl> ? what?
<UMKid08> You complete me! =)
<jamesl> ...
<jamesl> You know, before you said that I used to wonder why that valedictorian left you for that marine dude...
#298215
<Lucy__> fuck irc.
<Lucy__> i'm uninstalling this bullshit lonely unattractive elitist middle-aged assholes program
#46377
<LordYoshi> what button is page down? I've pressed everything
<Master> The "Page Down" button.
<LordYoshi> oooooo
<Master> Insert Home Page Up
<Elazul> HAHAHAHAHAHAAH
* LordYoshi feels like a dumb ass
#44913
<phrog> Light bulbs are not actually "light bulbs" but dark absorbers. When you turn them on, they suck the dark out of the room. You can prove this by holding your hand under a "light bulb". The dark will stack up under your hand where its path to the absorber is blocked by your hand. When they quit working and turn a dark color, it's not because they burnt out, it's because they're full.
#308723
<maki> i would be afraid to take japanese formally
<maki> all the weeaboos i would be around
<gloomp> i wonder if there's an equivalent term for people who want to be french
<maki> canadians
Comment: #n
#4835
<JeyK> 7) I wanted to see if my penis would fit through the CD. It did, but the firemen and rescue squad had to break the CD to free me.
#61280
<mizore> Gah! Stupid Debian ISO download! 3kbps T_T
<ellipsis> Cancel the download and do it some other time. You're already running Ubuntu, aren't you?
<mizore> I can't cancel now!
<ellipsis> Why not?
<mizore> It's 78% complete!
<ellipsis> so?
<mizore> Well, it's kinda like masturbation, when you reach a certain point, then you just have to keep on going until you finish.
<ellipsis> ...
<ellipsis> ...did...did you just compare downloading linux to masturbation?
<ellipsis> Why are we on the same planet?
#11225
* pygmy fires up excel
[@pygmy] or not
[@pygmy] I'd need it installed to do that :)