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#11211
<Kitsa> dammit I hate my hotmail account
<Kitsa> I HAD 413 SPAM E-MAILS
<Kitsa> since 2:00 this morning
<Kitsa> according to them, I can make money sitting on my ass
<Kitsa> while fucking Britney Spears and taking human growth hormone
#7675
<@WoNkS> omg it came up already
<@motardo> your wang?
#39816
* Helor is flipping through the defense force job search thingie....
* Helor blinks...why would the army employ musicians...o.O
<Penguinman_EXE> Target practice?
#42888
<crayola> so, my cousin was a friend's naughty box remover.
<crayola> they had a deal. When the friend died, my cousin would remove all traces of gayness from his house.
<crayola> his parents were to never know he was gay. (other than the fact that he didn't have a girlfriend, loved broadway musicals, and died of AIDS, I'm sure the plan worked perfectly.)
<crayola> In exchange for his role in this, my cousin was to take any Broadway mementos he wanted.
<crayola> he did. I swear, he lived off ebay profits for a year.
#79667
<Dan_Dinh> *yet?
<Dan_Dinh> you haven't done the review ye ?
<Spik3balloon> holy crap, dan can see into the future
#14006
<FPT-[away]> crotch fires and you: the untold story.
#301332
SoccerGirl114: Today, I was having sex with this guy at a party when out of no where he yells at the top of his lungs, "mortal kombat!".
SoccerGirl114: His friends yelled back, "finish her!"
#11509
<amit> I DO THIS FOR ALLAH!
<FBI> we have Allah in a secure facility
#16277
<elinsox> dude my boss rules
<mrwhite> with an iron fist
<legacy> and a big black strapon
#50264
<Tidus_DarkLord> how the hell can stephen hawking become a professor.. he can't do anything
<Tidus_DarkLord> how did he become that way
<senso> ALS
<Tidus_DarkLord> 15/m/scotland
#29442
<obso> christ
<obso> you get drunk and make out with a guy
<obso> and all of a sudden all of irc is on yer ass
<obso> my girlfriend thought it was cute.
#30414
<AndyPunk> what is with all the publicity with people who have lost limbs in the war
<AndyPunk> wasn't the only reason we went into iraq was to dis-arm them?
#310642
<muskets> to be tonic water all you NEED is water, bubbles and quinine
<muskets> and then usually you put lots of gin in it
<muskets> it's a british thing because it was medicine but we mixed it with booze to make it taste less awful
<muskets> and then we decided we LIKED it
<muskets> and now we drink it entirely because we want to
<kerin> this is also the story behind gin but in reverse
<kerin> alcohol was supposed to cure a lot of what ails ye
<kerin> but distilled grain alcohol kind of sucks to drink, so hey let's add some mother fucking juniper
<kerin> alright this is rad, i can't wait to get diagnosed with something so i can drink it all fucking day
<kerin> etc
<kerin> so really the gin and tonic brings the story full circle in a beautiful way
<muskets> yeah
<muskets> the main difference is that the original tonic water WORKED
<muskets> it was malaria prophylaxis
<kerin> well, gin worked if your problem was the horror of being trapped in pre-industrial europe
<kerin> it's about the only thing that did
<catplanet> ROFL
#310631
<Jigsy> So in Civil War re-enactment school I was voted most likely to secede.
#27748
<snag> in my dreams it was like i was dreaming as normal but i kept getting pron popups.. heh as if i was watching a movie in full screen then all the sudden .. XXXPASS 4 FREE!
<BombScare> thats cause you always jerk off to the free preivew section of porn sites before you go to bed
#34843
<@cyberdyn_> HAHAHA
<@cyberdyn_> This car in the parking lot just hit a cup and blew a tire
<@ramdond> @_@
<@cyberdyn_> It appears that there were nails in the cup
#13355
<[chromex]> A paleontologist is a type of dinosaur
#304157
<dogel> my mother said to me last night after i asked her to sign something
<dogel> "you know how to forge my signature, do it yourself"
#102065
[helf] or do like me, have absolutely no idea what the job is for because you forgot you even had an interview, come in looking like you just woke up with a bad hangover, luck out because your soon to be boss has never done an interview before, he doesnt want to do an interview and you both just end up playing nethack for 2 hours
[rielore] i love nethack
#27922
<oblique> i dated a canadian once
<Znutar> Did you get a refund?
#32662
<ruumis> playing metroid on the toilet. man, I knew there was a reason I lived in America.
#30952
<NotNot> Why does my mom cook brownies? They always go straight to my stomach delivering a pack of C4 explosives.
<Campster> Oh god
<Campster> Now I have an image of you on the toilet, with a .wav of "TERRORISTS WIN" playing.
<NotNot> hahahahahaha
<Mr_X> *FLUSH* "TERRORISTS WIN!"
#308728
<myself> I'm reminded of alphawolf's story of tracking down some guy who was sending strange traffic, and turned out to live in the next town over.
<myself> Guy's personal website included a pic of himself holding a banana like a gun.
<myself> so, wolfie and Evil head over there, armed with bananas and an Ethereal printout. Bang on the door. Someone answers, looks like the guy in the pic.
<myself> <threatening banana-stance>TELNET POLICE. STOP PINGING GARGAMEL.</stance>
<myself> And they leave.
<myself> Stunned. Silence.
<myself> the packets stopped.
#309816
<slamm> this porn im watching is using guiles theme as the music
<slamm> its true that it goes with everything
Comment: #/g/tv rizon
#58525
<MrZodiac> One time I requested a feature in OpenBSD and Theo sent me a picture of him mooning me
Comment: #bifemunix efnet