Random | Latest | Best | Full Site
#14343
<Paveourroads> in a multiplayer game, you can be all, "Look, I have cooler shit than you." in a singleplayer game, you're like, "OK, my stuff is cool." and you show people who come over to your house and they're like, "You're a loser." so you cry and die. >:(
#26340
<+Camus> im palazed!
<+Fleebis> Palazed?
<+Fleebis> Paralyzed?
<+Camus> yea
<+Camus> close
<+Camus> kinda
<+Camus> i just type in the first letter
<+Camus> and hit a couple keys
<+Fleebis> oh, i underktnjd
#4056
([ric]): see if you were scared in legoland, would you shit lego bricks?
#14674
<Normandy> I told my sis to go to hotmail to set up her own email account, and she went to www.hotmale.com and now she thinks I'm gay ;(
#31936
<Biggs`> X_Raided|, I sent you an E-card :)
<Biggs`> type /server mail to read it!
* X_Raided| has quit IRC (Signed off)
#19550
<count^> i set my double click speed to really slow
<count^> so that
<count^> i can click once now..
<count^> go out, have a cig
<count^> go for a walk
<count^> take a nap
<count^> then come back and click again
<count^> i like to be ready for anything
#7284
( Fuzzy ) this one chick could type 80wpm at 95% acc
( Fuzzy ) i'm watching her type going "i bet she'd give nice hand jobs"
#18312
<jp__> will somebody PLEASE HELP ME GET GNOME INSTALLED?!?!
<KDEGAWD> is it black and white gnome
<KDEGAWD> or color gnome
<jp__> i should have KNOWN YOU GUYS WOULD GIVE ME THE RUN AROUND
<jp__> every single time i call tech support or get on here.... same thing
#308280
(rickest) reinventing the wheel is exactly what allows us to travel 80mph without even feeling it. the original wheel fell apart at about 5mph after 100 yards. now they're rubber, self-healing, last 4000 times longer. whoever intended the phrase "you're reinventing the wheel" to be an insult was an idiot.
#14304
ElectromagneticPhantom> there's like this monster, stooping over a dead body, it looks up at the camera, and as it moves, the heavy skin shifts and folds over itself in places and IT LOOKS FRELLING *REAL*
Lyme> Okay, PHant, I read that sentence, and thought you were talking about dick.
ElectromagneticPhantom> yeah
Lyme> I reread it like, 3 times, and I still think you're talking about dick.
Lyme> Are you talking about dick?
ElectromagneticPhantom> but this monster has no eyes, I think. and four legs
ElectromagneticPhantom> and claws and stuf
Lyme> Four-legged dickmonster
ElectromagneticPhantom> and nasty teeth
ElectromagneticPhantom> and it eats people
CommandantCleavage> four-legged dick monster? You mean men?
Lyme> four-legged clawed cannibalistic dickmonster
ElectromagneticPhantom> it is NOT a dickmonster!
Lyme> It only eats other dick.
ElectromagneticPhantom> STOP IIIIIIIT
#56933
<AaA> last year when i was working as a day laborer after i got laid off from my other job, i was hired by a contractor to expand a deck for this couple
<AaA> it was going to be expanded out to the son's old room on the second floor, and so they also wanted the walls of the room ripped out
<AaA> so i grabbed a sledgehammer and began pounding out the walls around the closet, and i lost my grip and it fell out of my hand
<AaA> the hammer hits the floor, and about a quarter of the flooring in the closet gives way and i fall through and crash down onto the dining room table, which had dishes and stuff on it, i got cut up pretty good
<AaA> the owners ran inside to find me on the crushed table.
<AaA> it was then they mentioned that their son had a habit of pissing in the closet during the night.
<AaA> :/
#309615
< froggey> ALARM!!! SENSIBLE DESIGN CHOICE SPOTTED IN PERL!! DANGER DANGER DANGER!
#3679
*** fr33b1rth sets mode: -o fr33b1rth
<fr33b1rth> shit...
<fr33b1rth> shitfuckdamn
#307472
<Jessica_Lily> yeh i gave my mac a drink of cider
<Jessica_Lily> turned out not to like it
<Jessica_Lily> keyboard, hdd and trackpad stopped working
<moylan1> ironic that a mac can't handle apple juice?
#6885
<rick_rizzy> dude how's this for a horror story
<rick_rizzy> i just ate a hershey's kiss
<rick_rizzy> but sort of half choked on it
<rick_rizzy> some of it got caught in my throat
<rick_rizzy> so i was all snorting and trying to cough it up
<rick_rizzy> and now it's all up in my upper throat and nasal passage
<rick_rizzy> I'M IN HELL
#29437
<Lepper> i rode my bike for 2 hours today.. w00t
<Lepper> my legs are getting so much stronger
<splice> thatll help when you have to run away from girls
#51406
* [WarMachine] has joined #cesspool
<Gormandu> Where the hell have you been?
<[WarMachine]> banned from the pc
<Gormandu> why?
<[WarMachine]> I showed my parents Goatse when I was drunk
<Gormandu> So they banned you for a week?
<[WarMachine]> No the school year, they went out and took the power cord, but I bought one earlier
<Gormandu> You are so sad.
#54292
<Retro> I always wonder if people who watch anime are all playing the world's longest practical joke on the rest of the world
#3632
<tsui-ji> gyl: go into #asian and tell em you are white, have muscles and drive a nice car and mad chicks will msg you
#63089
<Surt> i learned an important lesson tonight
<Surt> never tell a woman you love her while staring her square in the breasts
<Surt> bad times follow
#40009
<MouseTrapBob3749> Dude i think my dog is stoned
<Sanchezisgod> wut the hell? y in the hell would u think that?
<MouseTrapBob3749> dude hes obviously stoned man he keeps talking to me!
#33713
<+x24[java]> damnit. i just cheesed my fresh from the drier pants
<@BalefireX> cheesed?
<+x24[java]> a macaroni escaped from the fork and left it's mark with cheese on my pants
<@BalefireX> ah
<@BalefireX> just checking it wasnt slang for defecation
Comment: #gideontech
#33813
<motolov> why arent the fat girls honest at least
<motolov> like, hobbies: eating, stuffing my face until my colon hurts
<motolov> etc.
#4372
<DrFurious> if midgets had regular size penises they could take pictures of themselves in a minature house and decieve people into thinking they are normal sized with a huge penis
#132604
< doppler> shit, watching the Stevenote has depleted my battery :(
<@gregh> your wallet is next