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#32556
<+detz> I know in PHP you can do file('url'), is there something like that in perl?
<+foobos> detz, perldoc LWP::Simple and its get()
<+Azhrarn> `lynx --dump`
* Leolo slaps Azhrarn
* Azhrarn cackles
* tgr `dumps` Azhrarn's body somewhere
<+Azhrarn> AHH! I'M IN #MIRC
<+Azhrarn> HELP MEEEEEEEEEEE
<+Azhrarn> ...so cold...
Comment: #perl@efnet
#279
<gloone> internet, movies and masturbation ruined my life.
<gloone> but it also made it worthwhile
#9108
<Lex> So, I support your decision to halt any imminent blowjobs with questions. :)
#2272
<punkmac> people are dumb
<punkmac> i put my 2 333's on the local for-sale newsgroup
<punkmac> heres what some doofus emails me:
<punkmac> >>Will you sell them separate from each other......In other word do I have to
<punkmac> >>buy both of them?
<punkmac> YES! YOU MUST BUY 2!! THEY ARE SIAMESE TWINS AND CONNOT BE SEPERATED!
<TeamsterX> hah connected at birth by a crossover cable ;)
#50837
<Samantha_Carter> is it possible that someone can be so handicapped in his eyesight that he wouldnt see anything with glasses?
<Samantha_Carter> he wouldnt even be able to recognize shapes or anything?
<wilkz> yes sam - its called being blind.
#39865
<@fez> .dice -1
<@Q> fez: A 2139451499 shows on the -1-sided die.
Comment: #maddox on irc.whatnet.org
#13200
<erisynne> he has a ctcp version fetish
<erisynne> he did it to me 7 times
<GreenMtn> did you lose your versionity?
#28507
<@John> why does there have to be sunlight
<@Luster> so us geeks know when to go to bed
#302273
< unrealun1verse> i sometimes wonder if theres some disease that makes you want to do your mum jokes all the time
< fbstj> whatever it is, he probably caught it off your mum :P
#32496
<@Ravnos> The Miata looks like a suppository with wheels...
<@acaos> I used to park next to one.
<@acaos> But my first thought every day I saw it was 'wow, that would fit up my ass like nobody's business.'
<@acaos> er. was NOT.
#400
<MadHatter> I cut my tongue shaving
#26312
<IgWannA> why do scots wear kilts? ..... because sheep have gotten used to the sound of a zipper
#22052
<TeePeeJah> fuck , I just gave myz elf a huge paper cut opening a hate letter I sent to myz elf :-(
<TeePeeJah> brb plaster required
#52657
Glowsun: did you hear about evel knievel's latest stunt?
MrMoog_: no?
Glowsun: he's going to ride through ethiopia with a sandwich tied to his back
MrMoog_: XD XD XD
#297296
helf2: sup
iKitsune: got a handjob from a midget in boaz today
helf2: wait, what
iKitsune: I got a handjob
iKitsune: from a midget
iKitsune: in Boaz
iKitsune: today.
helf2: yeah, thats what i thought you said
iKitsune: Do I need to post pictures?
helf2: no, I'm good.
#4155
<CorranFox> we didn't have sex though
<CorranFox> she took the route of saying "I might be a lesbian"
<CorranFox> I didn't drive her into it though
<mightyflo> you didnt drive it into her either
#1078
(idea) i just spent 10 mins troubleshooting my cdr because it said that my blank cd "was not ready
(idea) turns out i accidently put in one of those clear cd things at the bottom of the cake box
#42192
<Evo|utioN> for bots
<mutante> what about it
<Evo|utioN> need
<mutante> please form sentences
#58053
<+Dodgepot> holy shit..
<+Dodgepot> I have a daughter
<+Dodgepot> bbs
#93970
Tire Aramaki > how tough is a 3/10?
Na'Axin > on a scale from 1 to 10?
Na'Axin > I'd say 3
#878
<Dipstick`> women exist?
<Dipstick`> well.. i've seen drawings
<Dipstick`> and my mother CLAIMS to be a women
<Dipstick`> i don't believe it though.... she doesn't look anything like the drawings
#8960
[KodiaK] my definition of back up is move all my porn to the E Drive
#299580
<Pryoidain> Alright, my QDB script is complete!
<asaph> QDB Script?
<Pryoidain> Yeah, see I got tired of the weird thing they use where 1 positive vote and 1 negative vote cancel out to give 0 votes in the numerator of your quote rating...
<Pryoidain> So I devised a formula. Positive Votes = Numerator + [(Denominator - Numerator)/2]
<Pryoidain> I then made a script that searches for my nick on QDB, gathers the various quote levels, runs the above formula, and then tells me how much people love me!
<cjk> Interesting. I may want a copy.
<Pryoidain> Execute Nao!
*five minutes pass*
<Pryoidain> Hm. It must have failed.
<Pryoidain> Either that or -pi people enjoy my quotes.
<asaph> The latter option seems more plausible.
<Pryoidain> Fuck off.
#297499
[~binarybandit] What did the Buddha say to the hot dog vendor? "Make me one with everything."
Comment: #zomgwtfbbq, irc.p2p-network.net
#5391
tatsumio: itd be pretty neat to have a vagina somehwere on my body that I could have sex with
Oogy Boots: :O
tatsumio: and the vagina got the full orgasmic effects too
tatsumio: imagine.
Oogy Boots: and you thought I was a freak!
tatsumio: double orgasm
CyAteon: if it was on his arm or something would be really weird.
CyAteon: not only would you be having sex with your arm
CyAteon: but your arm would orgasm
Oogy Boots: LOL
CyAteon: unf unf unf unf ARGGGGGGHARARHGA <arm cramps up>