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#295812
<@toastydea> dear lord, i have to have "the talk" with my mom
<@toastydea> about why we can't be friends on facebook
#30511
[Eticam] I was in biology class once, and the teacher said there was sugar in sperm
[Eticam] And a girl asked why doesn't it taste sweet then
[Eticam] When she realised what she said her face became red like a spanked monkey ass
[Eticam] Then the teacher said, because you taste sweetness with the front of your tongue, not the part of your tongue back in your throat
[Eticam] The girl started crying and left class
#7835
ð Zibblsnrt waaahs. Freezing rain warnings still
<rob`> that's gotta suck :P
<Prophet4> it looks kinda cool though, with a layer of ice all over everything
<Zibblsnrt> it sucks more after two days, when trees start collapsing
<rob`> hey, the daffodils are sprouting.
<Zibblsnrt> don't make me mail you a bomb in a container of Agent Orange
#5888
<DooD> my stalking skills have left me with her phone number to 100% accuracy.
<DooD> along with her home address.
<DooD> you should always pay the extra $2.00 to keep your phone number unlisted.
<Wronski> maybe she is playing "easy to stalk"
#10071
<Zero> I had a totally hot chemistry teacher once. She used to always say "Uh huh." and show her ass. Win XP is like that.
#150103
< avar> hrm, arthur c clarke really did die
< infi> avar: er, yes. did you think it was a hoax?
< avar> infi: it usually is
< infi> GumbyBRAIN: Any sufficiently advanced hoax is indistinguishable from the truth.
#48735
(Lurking) did you know that 62% of statistics are made up on the spot?
(Nick) did you know that joke is unfunny 100% of the time?
#30496
<+BalefireX> i need a shoepolish gnome
<+snow_veil> ...
<+BalefireX> to live in a cabinet and polish my shoes
<Deejayry> i thought you were talking about linux then
#175
<Amanda_> Alright
<Amanda_> Are multiple people paying attention?
<Amanda_> Here's what I freaking want for Christmas
<Amanda_> Someone find me a friend
<Amanda_> A FEMALE FRIEND WHO IS NOT A DUMBASS
#11418
<SirPrux> My heart bleeds a bittersweet syrup, coating my mind as one would embrace the fury of nuclear fusion with lead.
#68617
<@SNB> ... I just tried to scratch myself with the cursor.
<@SNB> I need help.
Comment: #bah on darkmyst
#53511
<LagIsNewYear> spencers is where i shop for my gfs gifts
<LagIsNewYear> no where else in teh mall had a place for dildos but spencers did, so i wanted to check if they had any right and i look it up online and call em up
<LagIsNewYear> and i ask if they have any dildos or whatever and there is a woman who goes...uhhh no we do NOT carry those..
<LagIsNewYear> so i angerily went into the mall and checked myself and spencers ended up having it
<LagIsNewYear> and hten i realised i called a differnt spencers...one for kids clothing
#40409
elvira_> i told my psychiatrist that i was feeling suicidal, now he wants me to pay on a cash up front basis
#2738
<ckx> xmas was fun back before i was blessed with pubes and still had hopes and dreams and such
#307388
<clueless> remember when I said we'd have a government soon? well the negotiations just blew up this weekend
<horm> so no government for another 500 days?
<horm> did the prime minister not see his shadow?
#2841
<drwho> I don't know which models use 60 pin and whihc use 26 pin
<Horus> models usualy have a 1 pin female connector
#308179
<SkyLurker> my ex had four fleshlights
<SkyLurker> I named two of them and he never used those two again :(
* ZachPrime can't afford one of those atm
<SkyLurker> the mouth one was Hungry Mary
<SkyLurker> and the other one was Gaping Gloria
<SkyLurker> sometimes I would make them perform sex acts on each other
<&ZachPrime> ... why are you telling me this? >.>
<SkyLurker> I have been keeping it to myself all these years...
<SkyLurker> I just couldn't keep it a secret anymore
#55352
<tom> can we make a hoax on blitzed.org
<grifferz> maybe you could announce my death in a news item
<tom> I wouldn't want to let people down
<tom> when they find it isn't true
#297599
<R0b0t1> "Honestly I think all those people who say Bin Laden has weapons of mass destruction are stupid. Destroying mass is against the laws of thermodynamics!"
<leymoo> ...
<leymoo> you sir, win the award of the "biggest groan I'll do today" competition
#34652
<ikkenai> wtf.
<ikkenai> talking to dig dug is like meeting a celebrity
<ikkenai> only lame
Comment: #geekissues
#306898
<KP9000> wheelchairs are awesome when you're not crippled
#30594
<J3anyus> i just received a sign from god that i'm going to get laid at the concert i go to tonight
<J3anyus> i was coming home and decided to check my mail, even though i wasn't expecting anything
<J3anyus> opened it up, and there was a little envelope
<J3anyus> opened that up, inside was a "FREE SAMPLE FROM TROJAN CONDOMS!"
#3237
<Tisha> dialup boy!
<supreemball> at least i dont have problems :)
*** supreemball has quit IRC (Quit: Connection reset by peer)
#309805
<@dmd> if i had a multi-watt laser or something i would probably sit in a book depository and kill people with it
<@dmd> does that make me a bad person
<@Krrrlson> it makes you a person who has not considered the power consumption and cooling requirements
#76659
<@Ho0chie> i had awesome nerd moment with flat mate earlier.....
<@Ho0chie> ...he threw me a packet of crisps and they fell on the floor...we looked at each other and he said 'oh man, packet loss'