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#30645
* +Yardbomb tries to make his cat swear fealty.
<+Yardbomb> my arm is bleeding :(
#15508
<fff> back when my ancestors were apes, they were better than your ancestor apes
<fff> my ape ancestors had richer culture than your ape ancestors
<fff> although when our ancestors were amoeba, i'll concede your amoeba ancestors were smarter than mine
#306347
<Symantic> Envious i need help.
<Symantic> I have a extra internal hard-drive space in my laptop. I'm only using one.
<Envious> Okay?
<Envious> fill it with peanut butter,
<Envious> then it won't be empty.
Comment: #computerhope on irc.mibbit.net
#22160
<[TIKI]Your_Mom> /quit
<[TIKI]Your_Mom> wow
<[TIKI]Your_Mom> /quit isnt working today
<[TIKI]Your_Mom> weird
* [AK]DarkTeletubbie has quit IRC ([AK]DarkTeletubbie)
* aCs|shutdown has quit IRC
<[TIKI]Your_Mom> i guess they dont know the secrets of the Ctrl button
#34508
<Shinigami> Why is the company your dad started AMARK?
<AgentKill> Mark as in Markoff - our last name - and he added the 'A' to the beginning so he could be first in the phone book.
<Ark-Templarius> Father.. son.. gene pool needs more chlorine..
#34129
--> MrPoush (~matt@dsl.76.171.networkiowa.com) has joined #jibble
<Monty> But what does MrPoush have to do with the price of fish?
<MrPoush> everything, Monty
<Monty> *horrified*
Comment: Monty is a phrase-bot.
#42322
<Nin10doman> A tail would be cool..
<Nin10doman> You coudl bitchslap peopel with it.
<Nin10doman> Or open doors if you were carryign shit.
<dorfsquest> yeah. Especially if you could swing from trees with it.
<Nin10doman> And you can whip people with it.
<Deg> hell, grow another few arms
<Deg> and another few penises
* Joins: strongbad
<Nin10doman> maybe even masturbate with it, but that's going into the inner depths of the sick regions of my mind.
<Nin10doman> I mean, the fur could be a semi-lubricant, right?
* Quits: strongbad (Quit: )
Comment: #game_maker
#56641
mjl69> 98.5% of dna is considered to be junk dna with no known purpose. maybe it's xml tags.
#31918
<usunoro> it's not small it's just more efficient
#14475
[Nothingface] fuck, I can't type
[@PMV] its easy
[@PMV] step 1: bang head on keyboard
[@PMV] step 2: repeat
#304873
<Jake|E5400> There's spaghetti in the southbridge
<Jake|E5400> and steak on my CD
<Jake|E5400> I kid you not
<Jake|E5400> I just dropped a steak on my XP install disk
<~tidux> lol
* Jake|E5400 wipes it off
<ll_TankPad> Windows XP Medium Rare Edition
Comment: #wtfpwnt on irc.rubbermallet.org
#7854
[Zaun] Zoid?
[Zoid] Yes?
[Zaun] Have you ever been to Vegas?
[Zoid] No
[Zaun] Let me rephrase that. Have you ever paid for sex?
#37441
<@g> ive been cleaning my room on and off all day
<@g> got rid of like 6-7 bags of trash :x
<%Luffy> I've been thrusting all day...beat that ?.?
<@g> i dont want to beat anything of yours o.o
#21249
<@Elijah_Wood> when and on what channel are the academy awards on?
<@Antipothis> #acadamy_awards
#40586
<Dragonblight> I drink tea.
<That-uK> I drink coke.
<DigitalPyro> i smoke cock
<apotheosis> you win.
Comment: Bored in gameSurge #postal2
#10339
<Gorilla> aye. they didnt have any Dogs Bollocks in sainsburys, so i took a customer comment's card, and expressed my disappointment with them not stocking Dog's Bollocks on their shelves.
<Gorilla> tey sent me back a letter saying that they do not stock chinese delicacies. i think they thought i meant the actual testicles.
#59677
(regarding a text ad saying "Quantum Mechanics & You: How You Can Master Quantum Time To Gain Extreme Wealth And Success")
drw: I wonder if there's a way I could use quantum mechanics to pass the test in quantum mechanics
drw: other than learning it
zee: there probably is
zee: but you won't know about it until you learn quantum mechanics
zee: so you're kinda pwned
drw: well
drw: perhaps after learning it I could use quantum mechanics to travel to the past and tell myself how to do it without learning quantum mechanics
drw: thus closing the loop
drw: ok
drw: I'll just sit here and wait for my future self to arrive
drw: it kinda solved itself
#300818
<Crispy`> my friend is making my other friend's girlfriend rage on facebook by arguing with her about how Twilight is the dumbest shit ever
<Crispy`> so I created Twilight for Men.
<Crispy`> government scientist fused DNA with Hayden P. and Mila Kunis to create the hottest woman ever with big titties and a nice ass, and she's all over my dick but it turns out she's a pirate and I'm like "omg but I want to be a pirate" and she's all naked near me and shit and I'm like "you're the most perfect thing ever" ... See Moreand she's like "I know, now fuck me"
<Crispy`> and then all the sudden it turns out the government actually made someone else who was fused from the DNA of Kristen Bell and Elisha Cuthbert and she shows up and is like "what the fuck but I want your dick more." and I'm like "D:"
<Crispy`> and then the Kristen and Elisha fusion is like "OH AND IM A NINJA SHITYEAH" and I'm like "FUUUUUUUUUUUCK NINJAS VS PIRATE" and then this was my face when they were fighting a war near me " :O "
<Crispy`> with none of them wearing shirts oh and they all have super nice tits and are not fat at all and are the most perfect looking women ever and then they all want my dick so bad it's hard for me to choose and also whether I want to be a Ninja or Pirate it's a very tough decision.
#16377
<HobophobE> most chicks have a maternal instinct
<HobophobE> which means they want to have this watermellon pop outta their vagina
<HobophobE> its a simple matter of masochism
#44718
<spongebill> it's a vicious circle... I have qdb open in my browser, can't stop reading random quotes, then I remember to turn back to IRC, see that somebody posted a link, it opens in a new tab, I look at it, close the tab and there I am, back at qdb
#17172
* C|3avag3 has quit IRC (Quit: Wh0 Am |? U sure u wanna know? If somebody told u i was just your average ordinary guy, not a care in the world, somebody lied! This is my gift! It is my curse! Who am |? |'m Spider-Man!!!)
<Seaker> And lamest quit message of the day goes to C|3avag3
* Att|tude^ has quit IRC (Quit: I can't go on, I know not what to do, My heart is worn, I feel as If I'm through, Please believe in me. 'Cause what I need is for you.... To believe in me.)
<Seaker> Woah, tough competition today ... I think today we'll have to call it a draw.
* Love-snack has quit IRC (Quit: Quit playing games with my heart cause baby you're breaking my heart , I LOVE YOU FOREVER XXX)
<Seaker> *DING DING* WE HAVE A WINNER!!
#22621
(mike): HEH, THIs Is AMuSINg
(mike): I Got a WiNAMP pLUgiN THAt BLInKS THE KEYboARD ledS tO THE MUSIc
(mike): BUT IT acTUALLY turNs THe CAPsLOcK On AND oFF iNSTEad OF JuST the LIGHt
#3231
<LIMPBZKIT> i dont know whats wrong with me i had sex
<JerkItgrl> HAHA
<JerkItgrl> with what?
#114641
<AuntieEm> Bah, lots of men with ornamental balls :)
<^Da5id^> AuntieEm: yeah, they're called 'married'
#41975
<CXI> shit, I was great at minesweeper
<CXI> I should've been in nam
Comment: #geekissues