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#833
<timmo> i got a lego fetish whats it to ya?
<iMike-> damn norwegian toy companies
<McMoo> it's danish
<iMike-> what the hell is that
<iMike-> danland?
#17435
<Pete[z]> my mate gaz was trying to get a blowjob from this girl ok
<Pete[z]> so, he dipp'd his nob in dip cheese at this party
<Pete[z]> anyway
<Pete[z]> so she sucke dhim off
<Pete[z]> then her mother came home
<Pete[z]> grabbed a biscuit
<Pete[z]> and straight for the cheese dip
#300150
<kiwi_> How come when your wifes pregnant, all her female friends rub her tummy and say congratulations! But none of them rub your cock and say well done?
<Artifice> By extension, it would be your GUY friends rubbing your johnson
#7598
<Felix1> lud, as a 'gag' somebody set our air con on 44 degrees
<Felix1> brother is on the critical list, We lost Mum on the operating table, Dad never regained consiousness and our dogs corneas melted down her face
#15878
<Ouroboros> The large print giveth, and the fine print taketh away.
#78156
Pan Man 120: wow she is pretty hot
Pan Man 120: i'd hit that so hard the person who could pull me out would be the next king of england
#173028
< Shadow_mil> we don't need biodegradable condoms. Normal condoms already do enough to protect the environment.
#59695
<StupidStupor> I just got back from the hospital, getting a cast put on my kid's arm.
<MoFoCowKing> Damn.
<StupidStupor> I was teaching him to ride his bike without his training wheels, but when I let go, he fell off the bike.
<StupidStupor> So I broke the little bastard's arm.
#50427
<bog2435> i wunna ask bout INVERT in msPaint -> i invert the image, save.. but then when i open it and invert it it goes backwards to the original!
<bog2435> how do i save it inverted so it can't be reversed to the original.. i want to protect my photo from steal, see!
#299953
bubbal: Why would you want to stay married to someone who doesn't want to be married to you?
overbored454: because you just can't turn love off like a car engine?
FlyingUndeadSheep: but you can handbrake-turn it sideways into a wall.
#6461
<Flik> my friend gave up masturbation for lent, and lost in an hour
#7832
* rob` pokes richard.. do an ls `yes`. I dare you
[five minutes pass]
<phenyx> INIT: PANIC: segmentation violation at 0x40060fa1! sleeping for 30 seconds.
<phenyx> INIT: PANIC: segmentation violation at 0x40060fa1! sleeping for 30 seconds.
<phenyx> INIT: PANIC: segmentation violation at 0x40060fa1! sleeping for 30 seconds.
<phenyx> INIT: PANIC: segmentation violation at 0x40060fa1! sleeping for 30 seconds.
* rob` .. snickers madly
<Zibblsnrt> Ooh, neat
<phenyx> real funny.
<rob`> I didn't think anyone'd actually _do_ it.
<phenyx> I have enough money to drive to vancouver and kick your ass.
#31058
<-Porkroller-> hey, whatever produces the most result with the least labor
<-Porkroller-> is the way to god
<-Porkroller-> go
<-Porkroller-> lol
Comment: from a staunch atheist
#55082
<fizzer> and we had to put condoms on the boys bananas
<fizzer> and there were too many girls in my class, so it was me and another girl with Luke
<fizzer> and he was mighty embarrassed
<koshua> Were the guys given half a nectarine and told to find the clitoris?
Comment: Sex Ed, Ozzie style
#51956
<coaster> i wrapped myself in a ton of bubblewrap once and jumped from the 4th floor
<irishlace> no you didn't... LOL
<coaster> yes i did
<irishlace> wtf were you on?
<coaster> well, i was on the 4th floor
<coaster> then the first
Comment: irc.lessthanthree.us #<3
#217199
<BlackMage> ...What the hell.
<BlackMage> I went to use the phone... and it shouts at me that it has incorrect network settings.
<BlackMage> What the fuck, liar.
<BlackMage> Now it's saying that I'm a new user. :(
<BlackMage> I don't want this phone anymore.
Comment: irc.xevium.net
#82731
DanielKeep : Ooh, do you have one of those IRC clients that beeps when it sees your name, miller[]?
benny99 : DanielKeep: cool, let's write a script that plays a melody by highlighting him :)
DanielKeep : Now *there's* an idea
DanielKeep : 1-bit music via IRC spamming
#34698
[dandyd]: gah... STUPID PEOPLE!!!
[dandyd]: i set my msn status to on phone, and 4 ppl start up convos asking who im tlking to
[dandyd]: the whole point is so they dont hassle me when im on the phone ffs
[fc9k]: did you tell them you were having phonesex?
Comment: #tekheads (Quakenet)
#69477
<Omi> So yeah, this idiot was trying to insult me
<Omi> By calling me gay
<Omi> Then she said, and I quote,
* Omi looks up Logs
<Omi> "thts rite u cnt reli sspeak wiv ur cock stuck in ur mouth or up another guys arse"
<Omi> So... not only did she compliment me by saying my cock is so big I can fit it in my own mouth...
<Omi> But she made absolutely no sense what so ever with the second part...
<Omi> How exactly would having a cock on someones ass prevent you from talking?
#11602
<lawnhorn> i am a tool
<lawnhorn> i fix therefore i am
#93971
JonTG> Man, my penis is so big if I laid it out on a keyboard it'd go all the way from A to Z
JonTG> wait, shit
#53284
<ShroomDuck> but the head we get here in ontario is fuckin horrible
<ShroomDuck> HEAT!
<ShroomDuck> I MEANT HEAT!
#141
<ILLogik> i was having cybersex with this chick but she wouldn't go all the way so i had to rape her
#13409
<Chow-BBL> fuck, i just realized how much i dislike eating pussy
<rtav> ChOwShAdY, I have to ask why you're trying to pleasure a woman...
<rtav> you need to tell her that were she meant to be pleasured, she'd be a man
<Spamalope> keep in mind how often rtav gets ass before you heed his advice pertaining to ladies.
<rtav> Spamalope, My advice is untainted by experience.
#27459
<spazzer> last chick I screwed she hurt for a day afterwards
<spazzer> i got the nickname "the hammer" at work now from that
<spicrx7> hahaha
<spicrx7> spazzer works at a day care center
<spazzer> eww
<spazzer> you pedophile
<spicrx7> i'm not the one bangin 10yo's so hard they hurt for a day afterward
<spazzer> 35 year olds you mean
<spicrx7> yeah in dog years maybe