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#3243
* yossarian doesn't have a middle name
<yossarian> i was going to press charges against my folks for circumcising me anyway, i might as well throw in "lack of names"
#72500
<Tim> FFS, why did they give me an antidepressant that is also used for treating premature ejaculation >_< masturbating for ten minutes is no fun at all.
#301516
* nuintari facepalms
<nuintari> i never thought this would actually happen
<nuintari> I just had a customer ask if we used IP addresses
<nuintari> the ensuing discussion turned into him _demanding_ that we not make him use an IP address, because they made him vulnerable to attack
<nuintari> no amount of calm explaining was reaching him, so I start talking extremely sarcastically
<rm-rf> what would he like to use?
<brad> postal addresses!
<brad> maidenhead grid squares!
<nuintari> "no sir, you sir, if you choose not to use an IP address, what happens is, the data packets arrive to your computer on the backs of very small, hard working amoebas"
<nuintari> I disabled him from DHCP.... let him never get an address, and said, "but unfortunately, those little bastards have been on strike for years, your choices are IP address, or cancel service"
<nuintari> then I told him that this was by far and wide, the dumbest request I had ever heard
#3621
<djcrom> its so hard to create a build in an electro song without any percussion
<noj> no it isn't
<noj> you puss
<djcrom> ok let me rephrase
<djcrom> its so hard to create a build in an electro song without any percussion and make it not sound gay
#309421
<luz> i'm dizzy and it hurts to breathe
<LAMMJohnson> luz: Lay down and stop breathing
#307314
<amarainein> sudo -u bitch make sammich 2>/dev/null
<amarainein> that's how it's done
<robin> amarainein: Why do you want to become the bitch to make a sammich?
<amarainein> i was ordering her- oh, never mind
<amarainein> it's never funny if you have to explain it
<robin> sudo -u bitch is more like possessing her to make a demonic sammich as the walls drip with blood.
<robin> Lights flicker, and bitch suddenly finds herself making a sammich against her very will!
<robin> Yet charged to her filesystem and CPU quota!
<amarainein> exactly. and in /dev/null, noone can hear your screams
#4440
<Psylent> looks like I've got what it takes to climb the IRC social ladder
#311005
<Analogy> So I just got an audio book, but it was in another language so I had to listen with subtitles
#1855
<hoset-> what's the server info for defunkt?
<D\TOX> 65.4.40.157 - port 21 - anonymous
<hoset-> thanks much
<D\TOX> np
<D\TOX> if that doesn't work it's because I gave you your own IP #
#111552
mp: why would anybody buy a typewriter
ikasatu: 1. for Resident Evil jokes.
ikasatu: 2. That way, I own one device that CANNOT run Linux.
raven: it can run linux, you just have to type a HELL of a ton, you can be the interpreter.
ikasatu: It runs Linux, but the refresh rate is ass.
ikasatu: The only machine where user error is computer error.
ikasatu: On the plus side, it comes pre-loaded with print drivers.
ikasatu: "/clear" *roll roll roll*
#29512
<AragornEstel> last time i was at a lapdance place i spent 700+ USD
<AragornEstel> XD
<Kiwi-chan> WHAT???
<CraiDt> ROFLMAO
<Kiwi-chan> XD
<Kashi> 700? holy sheite!
<Kiwi-chan> holy shit
<Factotum> But it was a classy place.
<kouha> roflmao
<Kiwi-chan> O_O u don't say...
<AragornEstel> well, not me alone... but me and my brother plus some business connection ^-^
<Factotum> The guys there were really hot, he said.
#20509
<+psychoace> damn fucking netsplits
<+psychoace> when will mirc solve this problem
#8906
<vidividividi> kristen dumped me
<greggyhot> oh NO!
<vidividividi> i cant believe it
<vidividividi> i JUST bought her a 300 dollar necklace!!!
<vidividividi> at least i can count on all of you for support
*** vidividividi has been kicked by krassproduction (get the fuck out of here, you cheap jerk)
#4013
<Joshua> how's the recording going?
<Joshua> or the whole band thing i guess... haven't heard much as of late...
<Lexx> like a dead paraplegic snail, nailed to a dead paraplegic badger that has been cemented into the foundations of a building
<Joshua> umm... was the snail dead before it was nailed to the badger?
<Lexx> they were both stillborn
<Lexx> as were their parents
<Alamias> Sounds like my sex life
<Joshua> wow...
#50391
But a programmer learning programming from perl is like a chemisty student learning the definition of "exothermic" with dynamite
Comment: Slashdot
#42280
<Arundor> I'm starting to regret taking a philosophy course. It's getting very irritating that I can't strangle the authors of some of the more idiotic philisophical arguments I've had to read.
#20350
LinkDJ: hey, you might be able to help me out here
LinkDJ: Where might a brother be able to be alone with his ho?
UH60SO: The Matrix
LinkDJ: Thanks. When my balls fall off, I'll give you one.
#301779
<Indogutsu> According to an "On This Day in America" calendar hanging on the wall in my office, Robert Fulton (the inventor of the steamboat) appeared before a House committee on February 14th, 1810 to explain the uses of torpedoes.
<Indogutsu> So to all of you who, for whatever reason, can't find love and feel left out and bitter on Valentine's Day, you can instead use this day to remember Robert Fulton and his contributions to undersea warfare.
#24156
<fe> woo, it's 10! it's about time that all of the fat anime hos that have all of the .hack//sign music i so very much need come on kazaa
<fe> and the ones that get up early get off to play everquest
<fe> but i probably won't be able to get anything! bastards will queue up tons of crap :(
<Kefka> a random note- most of those fat anime hos are 40 year old men with mullets that live in their mom's basement
<fe> like us :(
<Kefka> :(
<fe> :(
#233459
(phncs) what is the midwest good for
(phncs) other than giving stupid people political clout
(Iridium) lots of cows and no questions asked
#11386
[00:45] [@{Defenderz}] WTF THE FUCK?
#9169
[Modnar] 3y3 0wnz j00
[TMBG37] n0 j00 d0n7
[Modnar] dude, i've got the inv0ice right here
#6367
<Dobbs> I went out on a date once with a women who said that, whatever the society was, it could not function unless women were the "gatekeepers of sex"...
<Dobbs> ...so I said, "Well, not if women were private property."
<Dobbs> That shut her up.
#27770
<aeonite> !8ball will my life magically turn around after this weekend with happy unicorn fairy dust wishes and chocolate popsicle kisses so I can be happy forever and ever?
<FarkStatsBot> aeonite: My sources say no.
<aeonite> !8ball is it gonna suck?
<FarkStatsBot> aeonite: My reply is no.
<aeonite> !8ball typical, then
<FarkStatsBot> aeonite: My sources say no.
<aeonite> !8ball is that all you can say is no?
<FarkStatsBot> aeonite: Signs point to yes.
#55095
<mroach> if you use the Hebrew locale, do progress bars go right to left?