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#1890
<Defcon> Heh. I was getting a hair cut the other day with my usual barber, who's this 60 year old vietnam veteran type guy, really uptight and what not. Anyway, he had this TV with the news on, and suddenly they started talking about police who sodomized some hispanic guy with a broom stick. That caused a lot of tension in the barber shop.
<Defcon> "Yeah, so, how about that sodomy? Probably doesn't feel too good." "Nope. Can't imagine it does."
#67755
<Amika> what is worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm
<RMD> going down on a girl and seeing she has a penis
<MrMog> the holocaust
<Amika> you guys are no fun
#135876
<boris81> im so fucking unlucky when it comes to sex
<boris81> sometimes I think that if I fell into a barrel full of the corrs i'd come up with the guitarist sucking my dick
#281910
<Gregabyte_> huh... apparently the mayor of Birmingham has been arrested for corruption
<Gregabyte_> and the city is on the edge of bankruptcy
* brimstone turns on the bat sign
<I-MOD> nice....
<MrWorld> Yeah, Alabama Batman is great. The Bat-truck really hauls ass
<Gregabyte_> his arch nemeses include the Possum, Literacy Man, and the Dentist
<MrWorld> And don't forget Alabama Joker
<MrWorld> he may be just a pig in a bunch of clown makeup, but he's still a formidable opponnent
#6098
<#seattle/ThisGirl> SONOFABITCH
<#seattle/ThisGirl> i hate it when ppl ask me if im male or female
#104
<madog-> my gf bought me a shirt 'Got Root?'
<Erich> madog: now now, no confusing your gf for your mom
#54117
(Chongablonga) this guy i know was convinced he could breakdance
(Chongablonga) so we always used to be like 'john show us some breakdancing' and he'd just hurl himself at the floor and spin on his face
#12175
<TC|crapping> I AM HOMOSEXUAL AND SHOULDN'T LEAVE MY STUPID GAME LOGGED IN WHEN I GO TO THE RESTROOM.
<TC|crapping> Love, TC's wife.
#33454
<mouse> I think my pulse has stopped.
* mouse reboots
#305249
xxx: Is it just me or is Windos a misnomer?
Jef: ?
xxx: WinDOS
xxx: Win Disk Operating System
xxx: Whilst it isn't Win at all.
Jef: I thought it was windows.
xxx: What should we name your new operating system? Hmm, well, there is a window....
xxx: wait
xxx: Oh wow
xxx: There is a W there
xxx: That invalidates 3 years worth of thought
#3290
(^NaKeD^) snowburnt....my bf is a million times stronger than me
(snowburnt) Naked: but smell isnt everything though :/
#7436
<DangerousBeauty> do u seeing me giving two fucks?
<Phuser> i see you giving everyone fucks
#56413
[DJF] Blake, maybe demons have infiltrated ur computer
[+Blake[LTD]] i seriously doubt it
[+Blake[LTD]] i have exorcism software
[DJF] omg the best kind ?
[+Blake[LTD]] compiled by the pope
#104063
<T_ConX> It sucks being a spelling Nazi on Facebook.
<Phoz> Why?
<T_ConX> Well, normally when you see someone pound out garbage like 'ya well thaz jyst ur opinun so yo momma!', I simply assume it's being produced by some 12 year old simian on a sugar high.
<T_ConX> However, on Facebook, every poorly writen comment is attached to a persons real name, and the School Network they belong to.
<Phoz> Oh...
<T_ConX> So as a result, I see 'Kate Smith (Harvard)' attached to the comment 'y cant u just acept jeesus in2 ur hert?'.
<Phoz> Ha!
<T_ConX> I'm not lying!
<T_ConX> I have actually seen Ivy League students with the English skills of a second grader.
<T_ConX> There is some hope however.
<Phoz> How?
<T_ConX> You know how companies are using Facebook and mySpace to do cheap background checks on job candidates.
<Phoz> Yes
<Phoz> Oh... I see...
<T_ConX> Kate Smith - Recruitment Status: Rejected
<T_ConX> Reason for rejection: Poor English skills displayed on Facebook.
#309095
<nicks> you are going to invent a new microblogging platform
<nicks> where you can only send 20 characters per message
<Haz> twitter lets you get too complete of thoughts through you've got to really condense it to get the core of the message
<||bass> 20 bytes
<||bass> and it's all 32bit unicode
<||bass> and null terminated
<||bass> which gives us 4 characters
<||bass> so pretty much limits you to short sentences in chinese
<nicks> I can communicate a lot with four characters
<nicks> damn
<nicks> crap
<nicks> fuck
<nicks> shit
<nicks> piss
<||bass> dude
<||bass> stop
#44119
<Nitrix> So we have this really retarded blonde in our Chem class, and she had just gotten back from a Cruise in Mexico. Apparently she met JEssica Simpson on the cruise (She did have a buncha pictures with her). She was like "Yah! She's like really cool and not as dumb as everyone thinks, we had some cool conversations!"
<Nitrix> I'm like Yah sure ya did proily when like this:
<Nitrix> "What are you think about?"
<Nitrix> "Nothing"
<Nitrix> Oh my god me too!
#308868
<crikes> connection issues: the musical
<crikes> the protagonist enters stage left then exists immediately
<crikes> this continues for two hours
<crikes> it proves to be a massive hit
#45321
(%theProject) i have the urge to smack someone in the head right now
(%theProject) some guy was telling me he just noticed that chopin's sonata no. 2 in b-flat minor, the funeral march, sounds remarkably like the imperial march from star wars
(%theProject) well, yes, because that piece was the inspiration for john williams writing the imperial.
(17:28:03) (%theProject) the guy proceeded to shout "OMG CHOPIN RIPPED OFF STAR WARS"
(17:28:14) (%theProject) even though chopin died in EIGHTEEN-FORTY-SEVEN
Comment: #mess.be on irc.trueirc.net
#1727
<Fly_kEaT> ok so what time now in russia?
<amsea_> 17:06
<Fly_kEaT> am or pm?
#1193
<|Chris> i want you to setup a word substitution in your head
<|Chris> whenever you see the term "wrestling," i want you to think, "white trash"
#15851
<NikeMan> Uuuuh, in 10 mins i'll be driving boat. And it's 9am
<NikeMan> Suckz
<Camus> I could drive if I wanted to but I don't feel like turning on my playstation.
<Fleebis> lol
#35774
<Fonzy2> i remmebr the days when there weraonly aorund 5 people in teh IRC channels
<Timwi> I remember the days when "teh" wasn't a word
#56454
* Boche slaps wanks around a bit with a large trout
<Boche> how do i change weapon? someone?
#10908
<StrScream> jeremy: as long as you're going postal, can you find out why I haven't gotten any mail for 3 days?
#11301
<liquid> i want to get head from a girl with a fat bottom lip
<jenn> punch her first.