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#1380
[josho] man i had a fucked up dream last night
[josho] i think my maid was fondeling me
[josho] i was being spooned by this chick when she started to finger my asshole, and i was like "wtf is this shit, get that outta me, but i couldn't move"
[josho] so then i finally got all grossed out and woke up
[josho] and my asshole felt funny.
(|Chris) you probably fingered your own ass in your sleep
[josho] nah mang, i smelled my fingahs
#309350
<Proview_> freshman year of college, i'm like... oh, yeah, im going to try and be leet and install gentoo. try loading it frmo a flash drive, 20 minutes later, my HDD was erased, my external 2 TB drive was erased, AND THE FLASH DRIVE gentoo came on was erased
<Proview_> i had to email all of my professors and tell them "i tried installing gentoo and now i have nothing left. my work will be late"
<Proview_> my comp sci professors just responded with "understandable"
#31131
<juice> HEY DOES ANYONE WANT some HIGH quality pens? pens that wont fail you ever? Go to the pen island, at www.penisland.com today!
#7133
<Rasputin> eiiiiidle eidle eee
<Rasputin> eiiiidle eidle eee
<Rasputin> we won't be leavin' til we get some pus-sy sooooooo
<CrashCat> i'm not complainin' but shut up or I'll beat your brain in
#7485
<Chrizto> show me a chick worth worrying about after you're not the one fucking them anymore and I'll show you the value of the imaginary number i
#6986
<vamp_work> some guy named Debian hacked my box and made it unstable
<vamp_work> it tells me every time I log in
#6400
<cygnus> speech recognition is only for people who don't jerk off enough to build up wrist strength and then get fucked up from using their keyboards
#58745
<Omi> I owned someone at work today
<Xa> How'd you manage that?
<Omi> He was pratting about chasing after the girls
<Omi> 'Cause he's a fucktard like that
<Omi> But he took his shoes off so he wouldnt make loud noises
<Omi> Which would attract the boss's attention
<Omi> So I nailed his shoes to the floor
<Xa> Rofl
<Omi> Someone said the boss was coming
<Omi> So he sprinted back to his shoes
<Omi> Jumped in them
<Omi> And then fell on his face when he tried to walk forward
#96097
JimBob2814: I actually tried Superman 64
JimBob2814: yes, it is.
Rawlsaur: Is it actually as bad as they say?
Rawlsaur: ...
JimBob2814: no, you're just predictable
Rawlsaur: Are you psychic or something?
Rawlsaur: ...
JimBob2814: NO I WON'T
Rawlsaur: STOP DOING THAT!
Rawlsaur: ...
JimBob2814: haha
#23974
(@GKB) How the hell do I idle?
#49757
<HonkeyKong> My dick is one inch long, and six inches wide.. They call me "pancake"
#39580
<+Brad> fuck
<+Brad> brb, anxiety attack
<@lat> lol
<@lat> last time brad had one of these
<@lat> the doctor said his first one was a warning
<@lat> and the next could possibly kill him
<fone> i hope to fuck that 'lol' you typed was a typo for "oh my god"
#7953
<gkm> mmm, me.
<garandou> glen - when you say 'mmm me' i can't help but imagine you rubbing your nipples
<gkm> mmm, nipples.
<gkm> i'm as happy as a little girl.
#301667
<Knoeki> My penis runs Linux.
<Knoeki> It has a high uptime, works well under load, but when load gets too high, it dumps it's core and reboots :_D
* iamalion formats Knoeki's penis and installs windows 95
<iamalion> not anymore BUHAHAHA
<Knoeki> iamalion: yeah, but now you can play more games with it ;_)
Comment: #zomgwtfbbq @ irc.p2p-network.net
#14300
Phantbert> I work at a pizza place
Phantbert> and the smallest size pizza is called a 6-inch
Phantbert> so yesterday
Phantbert> I actually uttered the phrase
Phantbert> "I have a six inch sausage."
#44906
<demian> yesterday when I got out of the AIX training class we had to do an evaluation and one of the questions was “AIX cons versus Solaris” and I put “girls don’t find AIX sexay. chicks dig Solaris. HOLLA!”
<sektie> chicks don’t dig solaris.
<sektie> wtf?
<sektie> it’s like comparing aids to genital warts.
Comment: #gizmodo / irc.gizmodo.com
#1807
<Fry> Well my beard was a first commander in the Camanche Army !
<JDigital> ...
<JDigital> No he wasn't, Fry. You lied to impress us.
<Fry> Bah...I am ashamed...How did you catch me ?
<JDigital> You misspelt Commanche.
#2765
<Waters> i had a dream about masterbating...thats sad isnt it :(
#144222
<tarepanda> My parents lived in a village called Scotland.
<tarepanda> So they named me... Scott.
<tarepanda> I endured so much teasing for so many years.
<tarepanda> Scott from Scotland went to Scotland Elementary... and our mascot was the Scotland Scottie.
<LightFang> did you let them get off...scot-free?
#2556
<spyd3rman> what about battlenet?
<spyd3rman> are they still using the cd key
<CoMBo> no battlenet checks to see if you have zits and glasses, then it lets u on
#40805
<L0ne_W0lf[A]> but I mean, 1% opf 100 is 10 though, right?
<Liero> ....
<Liero> no....
#306132
< mike|laptop> osama bin laden was killed before duke nukem forever came out
#310483
< NoelShourai> recently i discovered
< NoelShourai> i can actually draw sonic the hedgehog really well now
< NoelShourai> i think i should be worried
#311335
< danl> being lazy and running everything as root is so much easier
< danl> lol
< danl> damn it
< danl> I screwed up my script and lost a years worth of access logs
#302974
<Sculptor> i learnt binary numbers at the age of 7
<Sculptor> 2nd grade math
<Sculptor> commie countries always had great math courses
<CStubing> commie countries couldn't afford any more digits
Comment: EFnet#c++