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#65016
<DogTheBootyHunter> dammitdammitdammitdammitdammitsonofabitch
<DogTheBootyHunter> I just missed the season finales of two of my shows...
<DogTheBootyHunter> lost track of time
<muttonduck> i watched northern exposure religiously, never missed an episode, even when joel left the series. i was watching the FINAL episode with five mins to go when my 3 yr old daughter fellover in the hallway and banged her head. By the time I got back to the TV the show was finished.
<muttonduck> Now my son is my favourite child.
#294505
< _judas_> i'm told i look a bit like tom cruise under certain lighting conditions and from the back
< frayed> from the back?
#29044
<robg> Fuck. My room is still on fire.
<robg> It's a small electrical one, though.
<robg> My moms trying to take care of it.
<NonToxic> robg then GET OFF IRC!!
#49282
<TrogL> Found a new use for a chainsaw. Daughter's boyfriend wouldn't wake up. Ran the chainsaw outside his window. He bolted out of bed yelling "I didn't do it! I didn't do it!" He was still twitching three hours later
<Phoon> ROFLMAO
<Phoon> that's why nothing will beat a 12 gauge shotgun for home defense
<Phoon> Even a cat burglar with ice water in his veins will shit himself at the sound of a 12-gauge being pumped
<Phoon> you don't even need to fire it
<Phoon> hell, you don't even need the gun... just the cocking mechanism and a bottle of carpet cleaner to get rid of the shit stain
#28335
<McMoo> i've just learned that cars will always either 1. not look where they're going at all, 2. not see you, or most commonly 3. not give a fuck that you're there
<Mootar> or, in the case of old people, try to hit the brake and end up on the accelorator
#56160
<ddrfreak> 58 points
<ddrfreak> 7 deaths
<ddrfreak> I AM A FUCKIN MACHINE!
<yeats> You killed 7 people during sex?
#146969
<Trinexx> a GM was playing hide and seek with us, right?
<Trinexx> offering a massive prize to whoever found her first
<Trinexx> so I reported a bug
<Trinexx> she summoned me to her so I could explain
<Trinexx> I just grinned and said "Found ya."
<Armada> Did you win?
<Trinexx> No, she sapped me and kicked me off the server.
#53719
<ducklord> my finest moment in the army was due to mc hammer
<ducklord> I was on patrol
<ducklord> and we met some other soldiers
<ducklord> and we were chatting, talking about army stuff
<ducklord> and I yelled out, "hammertime", did my dance, then said "moonwalk" and did a retarded moonwalk around a corner
<ducklord> those guys never talked to me again
<@rp> Hahah.
<ducklord> serves them well for trying to make meaningful conversation
#12431
<Hiroe> he was dressed as a big fuckin devil
<Hiroe> like, HUGE costume
<Hiroe> 8-foot lizard wings, giant horns on the head
<Hiroe> at some anime con in california
<Hiroe> they were double booked with a southern Baptist group in the same hotel
<Hiroe> he's riding the elevator down to the con space
<Hiroe> doors open, little old baptist woman standing there
<Hiroe> he just says "Going Down" in his best evil voice
#62191
<&Erik> you at work?
<linuxillegal> yes
<&Erik> i didnt think bike stealing had internet access
<linuxillegal> when you franchise, theres possibilities
#53581
xyzzy: hey think of a band name for us
xyzzy: based on the acronym "wtf"
BahamutXero: when things fly
xyzzy: nah
BahamutXero: women throw fish
xyzzy: women throw fits
BahamutXero: worms travel fast
xyzzy: where to fuck
BahamutXero: wild teens fuck
xyzzy: woot
BahamutXero: wallabies tackle frigate
xyzzy: what the fuck...
BahamutXero: that works
#3703
[dodgey ] wow!
[dodgey ] somthing fucken weird happened
[dodgey ] i just deleted porn :|
#54412
<Tommy> and if you're wondering why I was silent, it's because I just tried to open a 14mb file in firefox by hosting it on the same machine
<Tommy> it hasn't finished loading yet
<Mz> so... on one end your pc was working on loading it, and on the other end it's sending it?
<Tommy> yeah
<Tommy> <Firefox> this is a message to 127.0.0.1 on port 80, I want a 14mb file please
<Tommy> <Apache> Someone's calling on port 80! I better send this 14mb file to 127.0.0.1
<Tommy> <Firefox> I'm having difficulty running all of a sudden, someone's using all the memory
<Tommy> <Apache> I can't send this thing fast, someone's lagging the CPU
<Tommy> <Windows> Fuck this shit, I'm going to bed.
#78388
<ed> customer: "i have a pentium 4-R CPU, is that a good CPU?"
<ed> me: 'sir, there's no such thing as a pentium 4-R.'
<ed> customer: "so you mean you don't know about the pentium 4-R."
<ed> me: 'i mean that the pentium 4-R does not exist.'
<ed> customer: "dude, don't try to belittle me, i know more than you. i have one, i know it exists, i just wanted to know if it was a good CPU or not."
<ed> me: 'sir, with all due respect, intel introducing a "pentium-4-r" should have made enough of a splash in the industry for me to notice.'
<ed> finally he gets me to pull out a CPU to show me
<ed> on the chip engraving, it says:
<ed> PENTIUM (R) 4
<ed> he goes: "SEE! PENTIUM 4 R!!!"
<ed> me: ....
#22838
<Alex> whenever i finally think i'm gonna dump this girl, she always says something that changes my mind, like right before i say something
<Alex> generally a 'i love you alex'
<Alex> shes a psychic gold digger :(
#22197
< ILjWerk> I'm on terror alert level fuscia
#56434
<Dr_Pressure> George Bush wants to eat at that "New Delhi" that he's heard so much about
#8443
<sisko> did you castrate jason for hiding the pron?
<Kaff> no. that would defeat the purpose.
<sisko> suppose so.
<Kaff> i just shook my fist a lot and said "grr"
<sisko> haha. and I suppose he was utterly intimidated
<Kaff> like a good husband, he's suitably scared of me.
<Kaff> he's seen me naked.
#311313
<@itszn> Only 53 days, 8 hours, 34 min, and 15 seconds until Christmas
<@xerphn> im already looking forward to the one after that
#117878
<timelyx> can someone explain how to use wikipedia in a foreign language? :)
<max> timelyx: navegar simplemente a wikipedia.org y seleccionar tu lengua
#1844
<c-rOCK> that was sad though when I said "MAN WHAT IF D1 REALLY DID LOOK LIKE THAT" and hes like "Thats my real picture"
<c-rOCK> i felt pretty bad after that
#80426
Zipper: wtf
Zipper: i'm too fuckin tired to be legally allowed to be awake
Zipper: i just pressed Windows+L to logoff
Zipper: and upon seeing the logon screen
Zipper: i typed my password to log back in.
Zipper: why?
Zipper: i have no fucking clue...
#306805
<Rjx> who are you talking to?
<DigDug> your mom
<Rjx> she's asleep I think
<Rjx> you're wasting your time
<DigDug> oh damn
<DigDug> tell her i said hello
<DigDug> i had a really good time last night
<DigDug> and i'm really sorry about that thing with the flowers
<DigDug> i hope we can hang out again soon sometime
<DigDug> i promise i'm usually not that on edge, i was just really nervous about seeing her
<Rjx> she says she loves you, but she's not in love with you
#61230
scanty@SPARC: wtf am i bleeding for, i totally did not cut myself todayt
mmadia: scanty@SPARC , i'm surprised your parents never told you this ....
#24228
<GodOfHellFire> they banned me from paintball, something about bringing real guns