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#30938
<Caffeine> i was dared to go buy lube
<Caffeine> so i went with my best friend/housemate and talked about double ended dildos while hugging her in the checkout line with ky in my hand
<Caffeine> the cashier asked me 'how was your day'
<Caffeine> i said 'it will be better once i get this hunny home'
<Caffeine> her jaw dropped
Comment: Caffeine is female.
#4840
* DuneBoy wonders why his code won't compile
<DuneBoy> missing ) my ass
<ZorbaTHut> "Ironically, however, his ass was indeed missing its right cheek."
#29810
<Zap> back from raev lol.
<Protected> raev?
<Gray|ogl> raev = a codename for gaybar, only gaypeople know about it
<Gray|ogl> doh.
#37929
<Ed> Don't say that at an anime convention
<Schizo> why would i be at an anime convention?
* Ed grimaces
<Schizo> if there's an anime convention in town, i'll be there for one reason and one reason only
<Schizo> i'll be at the door handing ponchos to the fatties in sailor moon costumes
<Ed> I'd only go if I could SHOOT the fatties in Sailor Moon costumes
* Ed grimaces
<Aldragoran> lol there you go you can go as a team
<Schizo> i can put targets on the ponchos
<Ed> I'll bring the .30-06
<Aldragoran> Schizo can hand out the ponchos with nice big bullseyes on the back
<Schizo> or numbers, and we make a game of it. after a few hours to get some numbers out, you have to hunt them down in order
<Ed> Something tells me it takes a bit more firepower to kill a fatty than a deer
#25111
<Tracer> i recently had a to punish an engineer at work because the video camera's in the main assembly hangar caught him wacking off in the cockpit of a F-16..
#59529
<ArchPlan> I'm expecting an onslaught of malware to my company's network this week... we're temporarily disabling the firewall.
<ArchPlan> alot of malware may already be dormant on the company's machines, but then again, some new stuff might come as well
<fr_gment> So why not install some sort of warning system, by hanging out lanterns:
<fr_gment> One if by LAN, Two if by C:\
#45629
RuKK0R: you know.. I was just looking at the official list of the most shoplifted items in the good ol US of A
RuKK0R: 1) painkillers
2) home pregnancy tests
3) razor blades
4) preperation H
5) baby food
6) condoms
RuKK0R: the first thing I had to wonder, upon looking over this list..
RuKK0R: if condoms had been higher on the list, would have baby food and pregnancy tests been lower?
jmlsteele: what I'm wondering is why is preperation H on the list.
jmlsteele: the rest "make sense"
jmlsteele: suicide, teen pregnancy, suicide, ????, teen pregnancy, to avoid teen pregnancy
jmlsteele: how in the hell does preperation H fit into that?!
#4415
<MuSKraT> I'm supposed to go to meet a cute girl at a bar with our class, but I keep farting. I CAN'T GO UNTIL I FINISH FARTING.
#309228
<arieldanielle> There's an apartment complex in which a dead girl was found recently
<arieldanielle> Now they have a sign outside advertising "killer leasing specials"
#40051
<Drift3r> !acronym gnu
<Bynarr> Result for "gnu": Gnu's Not Unix
<El-Fish> !acronym MS
<Bynarr> Result for "MS": Combination of Miss and Mrs. (title of address for women)
<Drift3r> !acronym php
<Bynarr> Result for "php": PHP: Hypertext Preprocessor (HTML-embedded scripting language)
<@w00t> !acronym arse
<Bynarr> Result for "arse": Americans for a Responsible Sanitary Experience in the Outdoors
Comment: irc.netronet.com
#307532
<hegemonicon> Is there a rule34 equivalent to science fiction: "If an idea exist someone has written a sci-fi story about it"?
<dontmindme> wouldn't rule 34 contain such rule?
<hegemonicon> Ah so sort of like "What if a spaceship found a planet made of solid gold? Oh, someone wrote a story about that, also there's fucking".
<dontmindme> exactly
#13063
<hawker> just grab a gun then...
<hawker> end ur misery...
<TomServo> shooting my boss?
<TomServo> good idea
#5819
[Synoptica] Just when you thought porn spam couldn't stoop any lower...
[Synoptica] 'DOGFART SLUTS!'
#4629
<eldee> jedi kite.. that'd be a bad ass game
<friedegg> yeah
<boozie> HAHA
<eldee> fly kites in a park with other jedi.. try to light saber the other guys string
<boozie> oh.. i thought i was gonna be about jedi jews
<boozie> stealing nickels and shit
<eldee> that'd be jedi kike you idjit
<boozie> ah.. thats right
<eldee> get your derrogatory slurs straight
<BombScare> man, every time i think someone in here cant get any dumber boozie steps up
#4087
<boxed> I still have the marks of her nails on my back I think :P
<jwzrd-> boxed: ahahahahah
<jwzrd-> boxed: I get marks on my chest :)
<boxed> well, that happens too
<jwzrd-> boxed++
<nightfal> I bruised my right nipple while I was sleeping 3 nights ago
#10811
<MadMax> I'm going to buy myself another 6 80GB Seagate Barracuda IV's :D
<MadMax> That way, I can set up a 1/2 Terrabyte array
<MadMax> Wouldn't that be incredibly cool?!
* Altariel looks at MadMax and shakes her head
<Altariel> thats a penis thing, isnt it.
#27889
<ParadoX> lol my friend just said he stole a bong from this guys house, but from how he described it, it's a penis pump
<ParadoX> he said he put his mouth to it, and it smelled funny
<ParadoX> HAHAHA
<Phucker> Owned.
#300818
<Crispy`> my friend is making my other friend's girlfriend rage on facebook by arguing with her about how Twilight is the dumbest shit ever
<Crispy`> so I created Twilight for Men.
<Crispy`> government scientist fused DNA with Hayden P. and Mila Kunis to create the hottest woman ever with big titties and a nice ass, and she's all over my dick but it turns out she's a pirate and I'm like "omg but I want to be a pirate" and she's all naked near me and shit and I'm like "you're the most perfect thing ever" ... See Moreand she's like "I know, now fuck me"
<Crispy`> and then all the sudden it turns out the government actually made someone else who was fused from the DNA of Kristen Bell and Elisha Cuthbert and she shows up and is like "what the fuck but I want your dick more." and I'm like "D:"
<Crispy`> and then the Kristen and Elisha fusion is like "OH AND IM A NINJA SHITYEAH" and I'm like "FUUUUUUUUUUUCK NINJAS VS PIRATE" and then this was my face when they were fighting a war near me " :O "
<Crispy`> with none of them wearing shirts oh and they all have super nice tits and are not fat at all and are the most perfect looking women ever and then they all want my dick so bad it's hard for me to choose and also whether I want to be a Ninja or Pirate it's a very tough decision.
#28522
*** Ettin|Succubi is now known as Moses
<Moses> /part #oceans
#3990
<Lowtax> Command and Conquer? Is that being the movie with Regis & kathy Lee?
#130097
<+openfly> i did a self evaluation once.
<+openfly> i don't think they'll ever ask for one again.
<+openfly> i had fucking charts in it.
#1723
<k-rad-bob> i made an avi of me jacking off
<k-rad-bob> then i jacked off while watching it
* linKnee is afk: PUKING
#54151
<Diamond> But then again, as a programmer I'm obsessed with code that just plain looks good.
<Diamond> I want to look at code and go "You are a beautiful woman"
<Diamond> And then, I make love to it by adding on to it.
<Diamond> I'm a very romantic programmer.
#4257
<dodge> fuck, thought somthing was wrong with my 's' key then, it kept repeating, looked down and it turns out i had my finger on it
#28488
<Deepthroat> The thing that always got me about the goatse.cx guy is that he's wearing a wedding ring. Does his wife know he can cram a week's worth of camping gear up there? Does she know that her husband's gaping ass has become an internet super sensation? Is it a secret, or is she a part of his anal adventures? Did she clap when he managed to solve a Rubik's cube using only the muscles of his colon?
<StarDonut> Deepthroat: For all you know, she's the one with the camera.