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#311003
<manderson> I decided to surprise visit my mom for thanksgiving.
<manderson> She answered the door and asked, "can I help you?" and looked confused.
<asterick> hah
<manderson> Yeah, then it all went downhill.
<manderson> It took less than 5 minutes before she asked me to fix her computer.
<manderson> You haven't seen me in two years and *that* is what you want?
#57685
< Kobi> i think i got the larvae off a stray cat i kept for a few days cause i carried it in my arms and thats where the breakout was
< Kobi> they have already came out twice in diarea
< gulagula> had nits on it?
< Kobi> yeah
< gulagula> damn
< gulagula> nits out the arse
< gulagula> makes me not want to leave the house in case I bump into someone like you
< gulagula> no offense
#22
<`Xenocide> Bolstered by the state of Kansas' recent measure removing the requirement for the teaching of evolution in public schools, yesterday afternoon the Mississippi legislature passed a bill eliminating fractions and decimal points from the mathematics curriculum of all public secondary schools in the state.
#80277
<@nakor> baseball bats remind me of hentai
<@Akamu> ...
<@Akamu> I'm curious on the relation there.
< Syntacs> Once while playing baseball he slid into first (dude, you can keep running, but whatever), and it kind of scraped up his knee, which reminded him of a time as a kid when he idly used an eyedropper to make little suction marks on his legs and the other kids made fun of him the next day, which reminded him of the little suction things on octopus tentacles, and well, the train of thought is obvious from that point.
#19981
<thx1138> macintosh rackmount servers running bsd?
* thx1138 looks around for flying cars
#33571
<antivert> One of them was a total asshole, he was like "STOP LISTENING TO ME!!" because I was call coaching him
<antivert> this guy apparently told his customer "Sir, if you don't calm down, I'm going to have to put you in the penalty box." And the customer kept getting pissed off so he was like
<antivert> "Sir, if you don't calm down, I'm going to have to put you in the penalty box."
<antivert> the guy started yelling again so he took off his headset, put it in one of the metal drawers by the desks and started kicking the FUCK out of it screaming "YOU'RE IN THE PENALTY BOX!! YOU'RE IN THE PENALTY BOX MOTHERFUCKER!!!!"
Comment: antivert worked tech support
#60160
[23:18:38] <Num43> ffs...fake upload...not working
[23:18:58] <Trinexx> so why dont you just... upload normally?
[23:19:03] <Trinexx> you know, seed for awhile
[23:19:08] <Trinexx> LIKE YOURE SUPPOSED TO DO
[23:19:12] <Trinexx> YOU GREEDY FUCK
#3320
<spd-dmn> lee: hows the baybee
<Virtualee> spd-dmn She's great! Growing so fast!
<spd-dmn> aw
<spd-dmn> got any pics?
<spazzer> has she sprouted appendages yet?
<KK-> lol
<spazzer> don't babies grow like potatos?
<spd-dmn> ahaha
<spd-dmn> spazzer you're on crack, buddy
<spazzer> you mean they DON'T?
<spazzer> they come out with arms and legs?
<spazzer> shit
<spazzer> i have a whole new respect for women
#40394
<strike_force> how big is the file?
<gabagoo> 7½ inches
<strike_force> my penis is not a file
#11033
<Rammie> how do I change my quit message
<EileenB> type /quit message
*** Rammie has quit IRC (message)
<EileenB> :D
#14351
<malcolm> I would appreciate it more if I didn't have to set JAVA_HOME and ANT_HOME and HILL_DEPTH and AVERAGE_LIFESPAN_OF_INSECT and NUMBER_OF_LEGS and DIRECTION_OF_PREVAILING_WIND and BIRTHDAY
#2067
<tobes> Have fun at work? ;)
<Morbii> not particularly ;)
<Morbii> been back home a few hours tho
<Morbii> anything related to the word "work" isn't fun generally :P
<Morbii> pornstars may see things differently, but I wouldn't know
<Morbii> heh!
<tobes> Actually, that would probably get to be a pain in the ass.
#8660
<CactusJac> masturbating is like pringles
<ori0n> once you pop, you can't stop!
#309047
<Erasmus> Just cracked my genuine copy of Windows that kept complaining at me that it was non-Genuine. So now it's non-Genuine but at least it thinks it is again.
#234739
< pegwole> hrm it's 64 degrees out
< Kajarii> cool
< pegwole> is it bad that when i read that i wanted to put a k on the end of 64?
< pegwole> god i'm such a geek
< Kajarii> Yeah, I'd have worried even more if you'd said it was 0x40 degrees out.
Comment: #linuxcranks
#42930
<_stan> old macdonald had a farm
<_stan> e-i-e-i-o
<_stan> and on that farm he had a 40-50% statistical likelihood of committing an unnatural sex act with an animal according to the research of alfred kinsey
<_stan> e-i-e-i-o
Comment: #ampedOut nursery rhyme
#32367
<Nick> America only does precision bombing
<Mayseth> Yeah, but a country is an easy target to hit.
#4848
<ohm> damn
<ohm> FUCK
<ohm> DAMN
<ohm> i was just in an AIM convo with a chick, and my grandmother's window pops up
<ohm> FUCK
<ohm> i go like this to her
<ohm> "i want to suck on your clit"
<ohm> FUCK
#6200
<barkode:#916> playing tribes for last 5 hours
<Pesto:#916> wow, you're still at work?
<barkode:#916> yeah.
#36815
<ducklord> I got banned for being norwegian once
<Rjx> say NO to .no
#19391
<Vulpes> I feel fine.
<Su-chan> Goooooooood.
<Su-chan> *hands Vulpes a cookie*
<Vulpes> Actually, I have a slight tummyache. Too many cummy bears, I think.
<Vulpes> ...
<Vulpes> gummy.
<Vulpes> I'm going to go back to writing now.
#2904
<Berzerker> they gave christopher reaves a standing ovation
<Berzerker> and like
<Berzerker> he cant even stand up
<Berzerker> so hes like
<Berzerker> wtf
#61944
< Kedrot> wtf...
< Kedrot> he Qi Crystal Ashtray cum Bowl is an excellent multi-tasker
for the home - it can double as a knick-knick bowl or
ashtray, as well as a strong Feng Shui enhancer!
< Kedrot> ...cum Bowl...?
< Zemyla> Latin, meaning "with", I think.
< taladan> well who doesn't need a cum bowl?
< taladan> only problem is, I had to buy mine a car to keep her happy :/
Comment: #geekissues
#48809
<Nyschashi-Seikun> wow
<Nyschashi-Seikun> this chick is REALLY fucked up
<Nyschashi-Seikun> she draws dickgirls repeatedly assdrilling men
<Nyschashi-Seikun> I don't think I like porn anymore
<Nyschashi-Seikun> and suddenly all thoughts of sex and nudity are beginning to make me sick
<Nyschashi-Seikun> I don't even want to see myself naked anymore
<Konpeito> You are weird.
<Nyschashi-Seikun> now that I think of it
<Nyschashi-Seikun> I might just be sick from drinking too much hot sauce
#27962
<Brentai> ...Foxie, these brownies you were eating smell kind of funny.
<FoxieMoxie> I was eating brownies?
<Brentai> Exactly.