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#296747
<rewt3d> somewhere there's a company out there that has actually worked out how to enlarge penises, but they're powerless to reach their potential customers
#225719
scaramouche: My inhibitions are the only thing keeping me from fucking everything that walks erect.
scaramouche: ... >_<
scaramouche: I don't know how to salvage that sentence.
WildTang3nt: That is so fucking epic, I can't even make a witty remark about it.
WildTang3nt: Instead I shall stare in reverence for several moments
scaramouche: Yes, kneel before me, mortal.
WildTang3nt: I'll kneel before you... :) so I can eat you out ;)
scaramouche: I knew that was coming.
scaramouche: GAH/
scaramouche: FOR FUCK'S SAKE JUST GAG ME.
WildTang3nt: with... what? ;)
scaramouche: AAAAAAAH WHY CAN'T I STOP
scaramouche: SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP
#1766
<BlackDeth> and why does my calculator smell like weed? :)
<EtherMan> BlackDeth: that explains it: your calculator is obviously high
#46021
[SewerBeing] masturbation leads to acne didn't you know?
[SavageBasher] which is why I don't anymore...
[Willkill1337] I have a clean face.
[Ryan0rZ] dude
[Ryan0rZ] just point it away
Comment: #oa irc.zirc.org
#16363
<Paulo> What KOF babe has the sexiest navel?
<Angelblade> Is the navel where your thing-thing is supposed to go?
<K9999> YOUR THING-THING CAN'T GO INTO A NAVEL! Although it might be an intriguing experience...
<MilleniumWEAPON> Your... thing-thing??? Though it does not go into the navel too well, I could recommend some "educational" sites as to where you put your thing-thing, but I'd get banned...
#21966
<tuned> you're just stupid, please get hit by a car full of bees.
#11368
<+ChiMP> WHATS GAYER THAN ME AND STARTS WITH AN N!!?!?
<@miz> nothing
<@miz> :o
#301260
<Pryoidain> Speaking of Legend of Zelda, I have a good story from last semester.
<Gimpy> Oh?
<Pryoidain> So I bought one of those Ocarina's from thinkgeek this passing summer. It comes with playing instructions and a bunch of other stuff.
<Pryoidain> Including instructions on how to play songs from zelda.
<Pryoidain> well, I woke up one morning and realized I had a midterm exam in a class I hadn't been to in like three weeks. I figure "I'm gonna fail anyways, so I might as well get a good laugh out of it."
<Pryoidain> So I go in, and the prof picks up the exams and asks if there are any last minute questions before the midterm.
<Pryoidain> and I stand up in class and go "MIDTERM?! NO, THIS CANNOT BE!" and pulled out the ocarina and played the song of time on it.
<Pryoidain> The prof actually had to set the papers down he was laughing so hard. he then gave me a 72 hour extension before I had to take it again.
<Pryoidain> Someone else in class asked for an extension, and the prof proceded to chew them out for asking for more time.
<Gimpy> Oh god, the only thing that could make that any better is if someone yelled "DAWN OF DAY ONE. 72 HOURS REMAIN"
<Pryoidain> Well someone did ask if that was real time or game time. Luckily for me, he said real time...
#794
<ckx> part of the problem with christains
<ckx> is they're so gullible
<DigDug> ckx: isn't that why they're christians in the first place?
<ckx> heh good point
#5660
<Sys> I hate maths. What do you reckon they'll do if I fail it?
<0ut_Lore> you repeat it. fail it AGAIN, and you face the exclusion board. guess what they do? ;P
<Sys> Exclude you from having to do it a third time? :D
#8571
## baguette is away since Mon Sep 10 12:31:41 2001 -- fuck
<screampuff> gee, that's not a bad reason to be away...
#7835
ð Zibblsnrt waaahs. Freezing rain warnings still
<rob`> that's gotta suck :P
<Prophet4> it looks kinda cool though, with a layer of ice all over everything
<Zibblsnrt> it sucks more after two days, when trees start collapsing
<rob`> hey, the daffodils are sprouting.
<Zibblsnrt> don't make me mail you a bomb in a container of Agent Orange
#117550
<gaarie> who the fuck names a lake winnipesaukee
<DX|laptop> indians
<DX|laptop> and not the tech support kind
<ch> the casino kind
#34022
<munchingfoo> lol, that might make a funny chat up line
<Kibet> my favourite is "whats your favourite flavour of wood"
<Amaunet> huh?
<Kibet> it worked once
<Kibet> right enough she was a tad insane
#120329
<||bass> omg
<||bass> best pictonary game ever
<||bass> I was playing with lenina
<||bass> first she chokes herself and pretends to die
<||bass> then
<||bass> she gives me a handjob and points at my dick
<||bass> you know what i was supposed to guess?
<||bass> "Die Hard"
Comment: #nobodysworld on deltaanime
#38812
<timmo> man i need a girlfriend or a fuck buddy
<timmo> because i need a back massage
<filth_> getting my back scratched is probably what i miss most about being single
<sxh> i don't give a shit
<sxh> turn my back to a woman
<sxh> probably get stabbed
#302338
<frysteev> im wondering what weekend at bernies would have been like if jim henson made it
#12032
<unswornangel> naw, i will just throw it back at you. . . doc
<sportsdoc> good i love a battle of wits.. i feel like you are the afgans and I am the US though.
<unswornangel> what? how so?
<sportsdoc> I rest my case
#7227
<Prophet_Tenebrae> i am to porn what pot noodle is to snacks.
<Wesley> an insult?
#303622
Mike: "now that you all are awake. are there anyone who can help with my problem? I have compressed my important files with md5sum. how do I decompress them ?"
#10034
<duckman> do you say gash?
<A|exander> not in polite company
<IonSurge> haha
<IonSurge> who here is polite company?
<A|exander> oops typo
<A|exander> meant police custody
#300665
<Curtain> Oh man, Tiger Woods got in a car accident, apparently.
<Rimiru> That's not good D:
<Rimiru> oh oh wait wait
<Rimiru> Curtain, after hearing that, you might deduce...
* Rimiru shades
<Rimiru> That he wasn't a very good driver.
<Rimiru> YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHH
<Kevin> rofl
<Curtain> I'm not talking to you anymore.
#8241
<Spellweav> how much of your time to you spend hoing?
<Freaksh0> you mean fucking or pimping other chicks ?
<Spellweav> no..chicks in general
<Spellweav> how much in vitro time for your experimental probe
<Spellweav> on the whole
#3999
<Veers> Welcome to insomnia, Tony. Even Masturbation won't work right.
#8666
<bbl-away> sheeesh sickjay, ease up on the #eos spam
<CactusJac> don't talk to him that way
<CactusJac> he's my boyfriend
<bbl-away> well, take him and get a room
<CactusJac> we're exhibitionists