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#8537
<jackal-> someone guess what my cat will type when i drop it on my keyboard
<jackal-> hello i'm a very intelligent cat, save me from my cruel master and free me from this prison
<jackal-> omg
<jackal-> bad cat
#546
<KidHype> discovery channel should have a droppy tits from around the world week
* PtitFous undresses then
<MikeDX> except its shown on CNN and called "world famine report"
#26319
<maff> you know you're too much of a pothead when you stop getting weed jokes
#10131
<!5_DeR> you didnt just read what one guy on a forum said and accepted it as truth
<NoDamage> yes i have
<NoDamage> i find the internet to be pretty reliable
#1656
<JD> AFAIK, Anubis is the only Egyptian god who is often drawn with an
erect penis.
<JD> Really!
DigiGnðme> I thought they all were.
DigiGnðme> Oh no, that's the Kama Sutra.
#2125
<matts> memcpy(matts,einstein);
<KrZDG> compilation error cannot convert smart d00d to dumb ass.
#3695
<CorranFox> but I wanted to ask something about a certain girl... who likes me
<CorranFox> its been buggin me for a while
<CorranFox> well since last night anyways
<CorranFox> care to listen?
<Slant> Sure. Do tell.
<scummo> "See.. her name's 'my mom'...
#6962
<SlapAyoda:#916> felix, do these girls names end in jpg or gif?
<felix:#916> slap: names are insignificant
#20140
<gbp> er det noen som har Silence Of The Lambs
<dortch> i have silence of the lambs
<dortch> but i dont know what the fuck you just said
#247324
<onslaught86> Oh man.
<onslaught86> I just saw a cat get hit by a car.
<onslaught86> Most uncool.
<Sharkdog> :(
<Sharkdog> I love cats.
<onslaught86> They didn't stop.
<onslaught86> Jerkoffs.
<onslaught86> I went door knocking to see if it was anyone's cat, no-one knew.
<onslaught86> One guy said he'd call the ranger to have the poor cat taken away.
<Sharkdog> I hope you did that subtly.
<Sharkdog> "Hi ma'm is that, perhaps, your dead cat there run over in the middle of the road?"
<onslaught86> Oh god.
<onslaught86> Sharky, you have made my brain think very nasty things.
<onslaught86> "Oh hai! ^_^ I gots runned overs. :("
#50161
<Infer|NHS> Oh shite, guess I'm not applying to NHS.
<pr0fessor> why?
<Infer|NHS> Didn't read forms, need references.
<Infer|NHS> Due first thing tomorrow. So it goes.
<CiA10386> You could just make them up! :-D
<CiA10386> Put me down as an international documtarist and war corrospondant and when they call me up, I'll just start fucking screaming over the line and hang up.
#44290
(@killacockney) anybody know how good vantec stealth fans are?
(TurboDttL) i've never seen one
#36983
<spook> i failed at sleeping yesterday :(
<Madman> heh
<spook> stupid bastards with hammers right below me... they will PAY for their insolence
<Madman> I'm sure you can think up a suitable punishment
<arch> i am guessing he will punish them by cowering in front of his computer on irc
<spook> damn. he figured me out
#53023
[JRJohn] here's a bit of info about me: i went on steroids when I was in gradeschool so I wouldn't stop breathing and die, same time I grew a couple feet.
[WeirdAl] john: I've always had two feet
#1651
(tinkrbell) my dog humps my other guy dog.. instead of my girl dog.. at least he's comfortable with himself and realized it at an early age
#52790
dusty whats the medical term for an asshole?
teh_moth president of the united states
Comment: #Love_and_nature on irc.aau.cx
#28953
<kare> The next Microsoft OS will have a new anti piracy feature: it will come in an arcade cabinet and you'll need to insert coins to boot it or start a program
#2007
(adnama) I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
#13398
(drifter) I broke my rioport player
(jafo) how?
(drifter) but I'm just gonna take it back to the store and get it replaced
(jafo) trying to upload mpegs to it?
(drifter) plugged in the power source to the earphone jack.
(drifter) cos the power source looks like it goes there.
#10914
<Random> "Mosh pit. Well-concealed tazer. Hours of endless entertainment."
#12200
<@jade> i wanna jenny jones makeover
<@skold> 1-800-96-jenny?
<@jade> NOT JENNY CRAIG
#47457
<d0ppy> I just had an idea
<d0ppy> If I spray cheese into a condom....
<cdkj> :/
<d0ppy> I can actually have sex with easy cheese
<cdkj> get a girlfriend please
#53079
<Mace> ROFL
<Mace> Best day EVER at work
<Mace> Because of the sheer amount of people that send stuff during the holidays (I work at a UPS Store)
<Mace> The owner of the store I work at set the answering machine to say that we were too busy to give out estimates, track packages, etc.
<Mace> And he said to call the UPS 1-800 number (1-800-742-5877)
<Mace> But he was tired, and said 1-800-4877
<Mace> Normally a wrong number isn't a problem, right? Just a different business
<Mace> Later in the afternoon we get a call from UPS
<Mace> Turns out, 1-800-742-4877 is a sex hot line
<Mace> Some people got more than they bargained for with holiday shipping...
#18519
BeHeMoTh101 : my mom walks in and asks what are all the yellow stains doing in my carpet beside the chair that is in front of my computer
BeHeMoTh101 : she'll never know
TX Luder : hahahahaha gross
TX Luder : i at least put some newspaper down first
#6777
<FindUrFire> how old are you rad,alone?
<SUPER--RAD> i'm 22 years old alone & with others i'm still 22