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#4886
<chris--> now i have to tell the coach that i can't play because my wrist hurts
<chris--> and he asks me how i injuried it
<chris--> and i say swinging a bat
<chris--> and it sounds stupid.
<chris--> it has 'masturbation injury' written all over it
#42904
<BolognaMoFo> the only way I use warez is to ask where my pants are
<BolognaMoFo> warez my pants
#10883
<jorm> fuck freedom. freedom is for weenies.
<jorm> COOL people want to be oppressed.
#8385
<MiakaYuki> Chillicha- you'd be better off finding a nice girl to ride, wouldn't you?
<chillicha> i am a girl
<MiakaYuki> Exactly.
#296768
< gloone_> how i fucking wish that i would walk by a coughing cop today
< gloone_> and just fucking panic and point and yell "SWINE FLU!!!!!!!!!!!"
< gloone_> (and then get my ass kicked :()
#4877
<cade> zzz, you wanna kill yourself or something?
<zZz-> cade, I've attempted so many times and failed, it's not even funny..
<zZz-> Accually, it is kinda funny.
#54417
<Grimthorn> yay for tacks having a girlfriend!
<Tacks> thats in the paaaaaaaaast.
<Rhett> she's not jokin thar, grim
<Grimthorn> neither was i
<Tacks> i tried taco, and i prefer the sausage. ...if you know what i mean. eh? eh? wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more, say no more?
<Grimthorn> haha
<Malekh> I prefer sausages over tacos as well
<Tacks> ...
<Malekh> Oh wait.. we're not talking food
<Tacks> >_<
#62515
<@kiafaldorius> is it just me or is it cool that 1337 (string) converted to hex becomes 31333337?
#62067
King_Nintendoid: Set phasers to skullfuck
#57019
<Malphas> How many femanists does it take to change a light bulb?
<@Cassie> Oh no
<Malphas> Two. One to change the bulb and the other to suck my dick.
*** You have been kicked from #Womens_Issues
#2115
<opivy-z28> I'm being totally serious... do any of you ever see like a 9-12 yr old girl and think she has nice legs
<opivy-z28> i do...and i wonder if thats normal
#8268
<Grinderwald> my dick is hard
<moo|cow> always a bowl of wisdom grinder
<Grinderwald> :D
#36883
mistercow43: but I thought I'd tell you how insane I am
mistercow43: i find a hot dog in the fridge
mistercow43: I think
mistercow43: "ok, I'll have a cheese dog"
mistercow43: I look
mistercow43: no cheese, except parmesan
mistercow43: no hotdog buns
mistercow43: in fact
mistercow43: no bread except for pita and tortilla
mistercow43: so naturally
mistercow43: I fried an egg
mistercow43: put it on the hot dog
mistercow43: put some italian pasta sauce on it
mistercow43: and some parmesan cheese
mistercow43: and nuked it for 30 seconds
Narso310: LOL
Narso310: was it good?
mistercow43: yes
mistercow43: yes it was
#50337
<Mr_Blud> That looks like a mosquito
<ThunderMax> I hate mosquitos
<ThunderMax> they're like the Jehovah's Witnesses of nature
#63572
<EnderGT> When I was a kid I went with my dad to his job in facilities for a large company
<EnderGT> They had a bank of diesel-powered generators in their basement - huge 24-cylinder beasts
<EnderGT> On this trip there happened to be a 20 gallon bottle (think old water-cooler bottle) sitting on the floor with about 6 inches of diesel fuel in the bottom
<EnderGT> I inquired as to whether this was a safety hazard - and then watched as a co-worker deliberately struck a match and dropped it in the bottle
<EnderGT> The match fell to the liquid and was extinguished
<EnderGT> As a slightly older youth I attempted to repeat this experiment - only this time with a) a plastic container, b) gasoline, and c) outside on the driveway.
<EnderGT> I think my eyebrows grew back within a week or two
#3500
<bdi> if you lookin' for sympathy, you better look between R and T in the fucking dictionary
#305055
<Nuvero> man, i think i just got trolled hard
<Nuvero> i was taking a dump, when I notice a Playboy is lying in the newspaper box, so I started reading it
<Nuvero> (reading it, no fapping, or anything)
<Nuvero> halfway through, I hear the door open, and a knife appeared
<Nuvero> i was like "holy fucking shit!" and started pulling my pants up real quick
<Nuvero> when the door fully open, and here is my dad, with a knife in his hand, taking a photo of me
<Nuvero> freaked out, trying to pull up my pants, with a Playboy in the hand
<Nuvero> i... don't know what to think.
#43442
<DarkStatix>: Wat are you seen?
<farsideofbryan>: What?
<DarkStatix>: Rigth now wat are you seen in youre mind?
<farsideofbryan>: Very bad english.
<Kotjze>: Took the words right out of my mouth :|
#226389
<Lenny> yeah i know wayt you saying ....i tey stay out of politics too it more depressess me to know there are so many idiots in the world ..... i think we need to start culling the human population
<AnimeMan> But you'd be the first to go
#17205
<Funk> Hey I have a question for your mother
<zuKi> Sure thing, let me get her!
<Funk> Ask her how many Communion wafers you'd have to eat to consume a whole Jesus
#36421
<AlmtyBob> W00H00
<AlmtyBob> 120 HOURS BITCH
<AlmtyBob> MOTHER FUCK
<AlmtyBob> I JUST TELNETED IN TO MY FUCKING TIVO
<AlmtyBob> DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?
<AlmtyBob> THIS IS THE PINNACLE OF MY GEEK LIFE
<AlmtyBob> I'M BLEEDING FROM SEVERAL PARTS OF MY HANDS
<AlmtyBob> MY HOUSE...UTTER DISSARAY
<AlmtyBob> BUT I TELNETED IN TO MY MOTHER FUCKING TIVO
#36331
<jonathans> i also got stopped for practicing a movie scene in a parking lot where the passenger in my car robs a liquor store
<jonathans> we pull up to the store at 30 and he runs out and slides across the hood
<jonathans> cop didnt like that much
<jonathans> he thought we were actually robbing the store
<jonathans> after talking for ten minutes he had a part in the movie
#56603
<evilAdmin> I feel like a dolt
<evilAdmin> sitting in a meeting with da b0ss
<evilAdmin> I screwed up a IT expendature report... Put down Win 2003 Enterprise when we needed standard just from downloadin' it off BT as a habbit. It stuck another $3000 on the report by accident.
<evilAdmin> B0ss asked me about it. My first reaction, I kid you not, was this little hand-twitch thing that would have otherwise been CTRL-Z.
<evilAdmin> The b0ss caught it. He said "Did you just press Undo?", and I said "Yeah, now I need to enter the infinite money cheat". He just stared at me.
<evilAdmin> Then him and his 4 goons all started laughing at me :(. My job sux
#308942
<munin_> roughly it is modeling language and the brain, or, a graph-theoretic approach to modeling how language is represented in the brain
<munin_> she is teaching a graph to speak english by having it read reddit
<munin_> the first 2 phrases it learned were 'm night shamalamadingdong' and 'cockjuggling thundercunts'
<munin_> so it seems to be working
<munin_> she is going to try and get 'cockjuggling thundercunts' into her dissertation
#15713
<{Mantis}> we had an interesting conversation once while we were both doing
nitrous balloons...
<{Mantis}> pure...pharamsuetical grade nitrous I might add
<{Mantis}> we were in the middle of this awesome conversation and then we both
looked up and here walking up to us....was this naked woman who was painted
from head to toe as a cheetah...
<{Mantis}> with wiskers and all...I thought I was hallucinating...and then she
walked up to me...and reached out and said...."can I have some of your
ballooon"
<{Mantis}> I was so startled I let it go......and it went zinnning around,....
<{Mantis}> she went damn.........now I'll have to blow and another one...