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#304157
<dogel> my mother said to me last night after i asked her to sign something
<dogel> "you know how to forge my signature, do it yourself"
#28644
<jay> i was so tired i started seeing shit, it was really crazy
<jay> i was at shane's house and i saw a cat
<jay> sitting in front of me
<jay> but shane doesn't have a cat
<jay> and nor does his neighbor have dancing leprechauns in his driveway
#86255
*** Saul has joined #general
<Saul> Man, today was awesome.
<Saul> We all got sent home like 5 hours early because the whole system shorted out and went down.
<kilik> explain.
<Saul> Well, in our office, the doors are always left open because the air con doesnt work.
<Saul> And as a result flies come in from outside.
<Saul> Last year we got some of those electric fly killers installed, you know the ones that glow blue and zap the flies that fly into them?
<Saul> Well today I'm at the watercooler taking a 5-min break.
<Saul> And I swear to God, the biggest bluebottle on the face of the Earth buzzes in.
<Saul> It's like 3 inches long.
<Saul> Goes straight for the zapper and flies into it.
<Saul> The explosion knocked out the power to the entire floor.
#3662
<metroid23> all those dumb bots. they all sit around and make each other feel comfortable by confirming each others' decisions. it's like a big self-help group!
#6759
<Superf0Rk> you're cute.. i'd do you :D
<Superf0Rk> i'd do my bed if it had a hole in it too but anyways..
#56383
<psych> Gah.
<psych> !8ball Why won't my fucking email send?!
<ChanServ> psych: Outlook not good.
<psych> ...
#56717
<mMkay> tried giving myself a tattoo once. a safety pin and an ink tube from a pen. i poked little dots of ink into my skin, one dot at a time. oh i thought it'd turn out cool
<mMkay> last night my girlfriend and i were watching tv and i had my legs on her lap and she started drawing on it. "what are you doing?" i ask her
<mMkay> "playing connect the dots."
<mMkay> :(
#33659
<Pischk> im infected with something nasty dont accept anything from me
<Brisby> Pischk: How about money?
<DJ_Elfen> not even cash?
<Hurtful_Wolf> what about money?
Comment: a quick set of responses...
#12303
<baldurk> btw, happy independance day!!
<baldurk> although in england we call it thanksgiving day
#57701
< withnail> i bet professional wrestlers talk all in caps
#43510
<@Syntacs> I don't know how the Allies managed to win WW2 without quicksave.
<@mittens> meh.
< Akamu> Syntacs: They used wall hacks!
< Akamu> Which resulted in the Axis calling the Allies 'gay' alot.
< Akamu> Don't you know your history?
<@Syntacs> Yeah, I remember. "OMFG quit camping England!" -Hitler
#300302
<enkei> this is why computer simulations exist
<enkei> no sane person would stick his dick in a wind tunnel
#53719
<ducklord> my finest moment in the army was due to mc hammer
<ducklord> I was on patrol
<ducklord> and we met some other soldiers
<ducklord> and we were chatting, talking about army stuff
<ducklord> and I yelled out, "hammertime", did my dance, then said "moonwalk" and did a retarded moonwalk around a corner
<ducklord> those guys never talked to me again
<@rp> Hahah.
<ducklord> serves them well for trying to make meaningful conversation
#3587
<cheezwiz> anybody know how to have WarCraft 3 run off of a bnetd server??
<eldee> cheezwiz: yeah
<cheezwiz> eldee
<cheezwiz> really?
<eldee> cheezwiz: yeah! first, become a beta tester. then they'll give you a serial number you can use. its hella easy after that. you just hit connect
<cheezwiz> eldee:wow u didn't help at all
<eldee> cheezwiz: cool. mission accomplished
#39624
<case_sens> Ive about decided that college for geeks is just about like a blind man in a movie
<case_sens> he hears all the good stuff is going on, but never gets to see any action
#56099
<Qwote> I just found out how the universe is going to end.
<Hax0r> how?
<Qwote> Someone will put two mirrors together and leave them alone lone enough that the universe will run out of stack space, and a universal segmentation fault will occour.
#19983
<@Son_Gohan> you are lame, and pwnz is such a fucking gay word
<@Son_Gohan> its even worse then w00t
<Zeph> woot pwnz
#49813
<jre> I started with this girl and now I'm not interested
<jre> How do I be rid of her?
<wolffenstein> huge netsplit
#36909
<Duzzy> today at work, i was cutting gras outside the local school.. and then a chick came up to me.. kissed me, squeezed my balls, gave me a note and the she ran of.. and i was like wtf?!? when I got my mind gathered I looked at the note and there was a phone number.. I should send an sms to it, and that was when I realized the bitch had stolen my cellphone =(
#301260
<Pryoidain> Speaking of Legend of Zelda, I have a good story from last semester.
<Gimpy> Oh?
<Pryoidain> So I bought one of those Ocarina's from thinkgeek this passing summer. It comes with playing instructions and a bunch of other stuff.
<Pryoidain> Including instructions on how to play songs from zelda.
<Pryoidain> well, I woke up one morning and realized I had a midterm exam in a class I hadn't been to in like three weeks. I figure "I'm gonna fail anyways, so I might as well get a good laugh out of it."
<Pryoidain> So I go in, and the prof picks up the exams and asks if there are any last minute questions before the midterm.
<Pryoidain> and I stand up in class and go "MIDTERM?! NO, THIS CANNOT BE!" and pulled out the ocarina and played the song of time on it.
<Pryoidain> The prof actually had to set the papers down he was laughing so hard. he then gave me a 72 hour extension before I had to take it again.
<Pryoidain> Someone else in class asked for an extension, and the prof proceded to chew them out for asking for more time.
<Gimpy> Oh god, the only thing that could make that any better is if someone yelled "DAWN OF DAY ONE. 72 HOURS REMAIN"
<Pryoidain> Well someone did ask if that was real time or game time. Luckily for me, he said real time...
#2841
<drwho> I don't know which models use 60 pin and whihc use 26 pin
<Horus> models usualy have a 1 pin female connector
#22325
<slipvayne> my bro came home while i was wanking
<slipvayne> ah shit
<slipvayne> he brought some friends
<slipvayne> oh god
<slipvayne> i was watching a porno as well
<slipvayne> fuck i hope he didnt see
<slipvayne> OH FUCK
<slipvayne> oh man
<slipvayne> he better not tell my parents
<slipvayne> thats the last time i wear headphones while watching porn
<slipvayne> fuck im off for a shower
#19990
<Hawkeye^> the lead swinger is smooth
<`KArmA> ?
<Hawkeye^> singer even
<`KArmA> ahh
<Hawkeye^> sorry, I was reading up on wife swapping
#15070
<[Bryan]> maladono: Make with the showing of the boobies.
<maladono> never
<Venom|WorkProblem> :D|8-<
<Venom|WorkProblem> lol
<Coan_Arcanius> Venom|WorkProblem: you have way too much time on your hands...and i hope thats all you have on your hands...
<[Bryan]> maladono: Why don't you show.
<maladono> im no slut!
<[Bryan]> maladono: well you don't have to be a slut, there are other things you can be. You could be an exhibitionist, or promiscous.... or even just free spirited.
#79712
< nixternal> hey, I have Office 2007 Enterprise free, who wants it?
< Red_Herring> ME ME ME ME ME
< nixternal> for real?
< Red_Herring> no
< nixternal> why not?
< Red_Herring> a) i dont use windows
< Red_Herring> b) i dont use office
< nixternal> you passed the test!
< Red_Herring> what do i win?
< nixternal> Office 2007 Enterprise
Comment: #ubuntu-chicago