Random | Latest | Best | Full Site
#8529
<teste_fly> "um yes, i'd like to withdraw from life please"
<teste_fly> "will that be checking or savings?"
<teste_fly> "hmm, i think i just want to cancel my account"
#2324
<trccccc> damn I have eaten enough salsa to kill a small ethiopian town
#104211
ALGORYTHM: my vps is genius, i can't ping it or access it but it's sending me emails saying email is down
#10396
[S+Z] Signoff: Atlaz_ (.)
<Joke> Why does Atlaz always quit with just one tit?
#48613
<xcham> I got spam for penis enlargement pills today
<xcham> the sender name was "Freud"
<xcham> "... this is very interesting. perhaps my mother sent it to me"
Comment: #adium @ freenode
#8305
<Saber> just when I manage to convince myself I'm a superior being, I walk into a door
#40976
<@allio> What she expected was a photo from a customer service representative to make sure her camera phone was working. What she got was a series of close-ups his genitals.
<@allio> is it just me, or would that make a great movie tagline?
#57867
<Blabber> i just started working out, to get me some muscle and feel confident
<Blabber> so after the first time, i come home and look at myself in the mirror
<Blabber> to see if there is already improvement
<Blabber> my mom steps in and says "you look good enough to play in a warmovie"
<Blabber> so she boosts my confidence and i say thx! like a sergeant you mean?
<Blabber> and i swear to god then she says: no like a concentration camp victim
<Blabber> she left the room laughing her ass off...
#12306
<AGaeris> With her gone, now Breathe is the only girl-type left for me to talk to in here.
<@Breathe> Who said you could talk to me?
#296810
<nuclearrabbit> So I was talking to SPC Guyette and he was tellin his lulz from Iraq stories
<nuclearrabbit> Like when the gunner in their hummer threw all the shit from his MRE he didn't want to eat to some kids on the side of the road
<nuclearrabbit> and yelled
<nuclearrabbit> "It's an IED of flavor!"
<nuclearrabbit> But the driver only heard "it's an IED" and swerved off the road
#2579
<peng> NOT JUST A PEN
<peng> A LIGHT UP PEN
<peng> IT GLOWED
<peng> IT WAS AWESOME
<peng> IT GAVE ME JOY
<Amanda> SHE WANTED IT AS A TOKEN BY WHICH TO REMEMBER YOU
<peng> I think she used it as a dildo.
#22136
<cam[work]> "The weight of the cookie is projected to reach 40,000 pounds or, as Immaculate Baking Co. again points out, the same weight as four elephants or one 40,000-pound bag of feathers."
<Uther> is that a session cookie?
<cam[work]> yes
<cam[work]> a 40,000lb session cookie
#104366
<TD-Linux> I have the weirdest dreams
<TD-Linux> like, I finally found a girlfriend in a dream
<TD-Linux> then found out she ran an incompatable OS version o.O
Comment: Dreaming at freenode
#8484
<Bobski> goconnect. the internet equivalent of the dole.
<jamesm> what is it?
<Bobski> a freebie internet service for those who blew their last 5 bucks on mcdonalds
<jamesm> how do they make money?
<Bobski> you install a wanky dialer and it spatters your screen with ads. mostly mcdonalds ads actually :)
<jamesm> in case you find another fiver
#40080
<Luigi30> all commercials with women in them are the following:
<Luigi30> A) arthritis
<Luigi30> B) vaginal cream
<Luigi30> or C) weight-loss steroids
<mindspillage> D) Adult diapers.
<Austin> Don't forget feminine hygiene products.
* tinfoil (~tin@h0050180208a5.ne.client2.attbi.com) has joined #wikipedia
<Luigi30> I like making pottery
<Luigi30> that's why I use CLITORIS BRAND VAGINAL CREAM
* tinfoil (~tin@h0050180208a5.ne.client2.attbi.com) has left #wikipedia
Comment: #wikipedia
#297297
atari2600a: I need help
atari2600a: what tastes better, Oriental flavored Murchan Ramen, or Roast Beef Top Ramen?
dixon: I prefer oriental.
dixon: Roast beef just tastes kinda bland to me. Oriental has a nice soy-ish flavor.
atari2600a: thanks
atari2600a: I knew I could count on a group of programmers to help me with my ramen-based dilemma
atari2600a: <3
***atari2600a has left ##programming
#333
<TknoMncr> defunkt: if there's 1 thing I can't stand...
<TknoMncr> it's someone thinkin they're cool bringing a kid onto irc
<TknoMncr> I swear
<TknoMncr> if I find someone doing it
<TknoMncr> I will get em reported for child abuse
#19791
<Vyse`work> FUCK SNAKE
<Vyse`work> thats nice as FUCK!
<Vyse`work> dude
<Vyse`work> ill show my boss ASAP
<Vyse`work> when he comes in
<Vyse`work> DUDE SNAKE
<Vyse`work> fucking move here for a job =)
<Vyse`work> my boss would so fucking fire the chick who does it now
<Vyse`work> and hire you
<Vyse`work> look at the website she is working on
<Vyse`work> dude
<Vyse`work> snake isn't here
<Vyse`work> im talking to no one
<Vyse`work> FUCK
#10745
<Atlas> Wouldn't it be easier to sneak a gun in, shoot Ben, and STEAL BEN STEIN'S MONEY!
#12
<Moot> ok, here's what we do
<Moot> we break into AOL HQ
<Moot> and instead of the AOL setup utility, we put metallica mp3s on all of the startup cds
#1611
<tak> your mommas so dumb she set her buffer length to a minimal octal instead of puging the cache
#63382
<PenguinMan> That is wrong on so many levels, I think I had to fight a boss or two
#10781
<Jed_D`Lagged> I don' tknow, I really woulden't want a penis I coulden't hide under my desk.
<Jed_D`Lagged> Or one that would take more than one hand to masturbate
<Farnarcle> did i miss something
#25607
-= fortezza] if I push my honda over a cliff, how fast will it get to 60mph?
-= x1bncwn] the same speed as the viper
-= x1bncwn] :P
#16744
<Joelz> im gonna savet hgis log so I can prove im drunk