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#366
<Toazt> "Too few women on the internet?
<Toazt> There are lots of women on the internet,
<Toazt> only most of them are naked and in JPG-format."
#307007
< Neoinr> Bust a move
< Bucket> mo ve
#50193
(@kex) "Tomorrow: Showery rains containing strong gusty winds and heavy downpours at times. High around 85F. Winds SSW at 50 to 70 mph. Rainfall over two inches. Winds could occasionally gust over 70 mph early."
(@kex) i love how weather channel doesn't just say "Tomorrow: Hurricane."
#45258
<@FL1X> more experience = more fun
<@FL1X> tighter holes = better goals
<@Soldier|UK> take it ur not talking about golf then
#54349
<@Sol> is your call of duty "free"
<@Razgriz> if by "free" you mean "Obtained by multiple illegal acts"
<@Razgriz> then yes
#8372
<Hito> Golden showers, fecal, fisting, bondage, S&M, cock-pumping, beastiality, dead people, babies, women, children, men, stuffed animals, trees, etc.
<Chubbzilla> ¤¦Hito¦¤ nice weekend planned
#11422
<hobophobic> cant be fucked going to the toilet
<hobophobic> i reckon i'll piss out the window
<hobophobic> brb - pissing out my window
<Mr_J_Beam_1981> lol
<hobophobic> brb - pissed on my window
<Syncope> Yeah you gotta open it first
<hobophobic> :(
#34050
<gorF> heeh
<gorF> wtf, I spelled 'hehe' wrong
<gorF> AGAIN
Comment: freedom.dreamirc.com, #zebeth
#11620
<Astroboy> Im going to murder the next girl I ever hear make some comment about being over weight.
<Astroboy> Unless the girl is like 500 pounds.
<Trinity> I am so over weight.
<Astroboy> Trinity way to be a absurdly difficult distance away for me to murder you.
#4278
<BombScare> i beat the internet
<BombScare> the end guy is hard
#297184
<roxylucy> omg did i tell you what embarrassing thing happened to me the other day?
<hedgab> not that i know of
<roxylucy> ok. well, i was visiting my friend in the hospital
<hedgab> yeah
<roxylucy> and so i was leaving
<roxylucy> but in the next room, i noticed a man covered in machinery, shivering.
<roxylucy> and i thought that was sad, so i pulled the blanket up for him
<roxylucy> and, with his breathing mask on, says, "can you see if my testicles are black"
<hedgab> omg really?
<roxylucy> i tried to decline, but he looked so frail and desperate
<roxylucy> so i checked to make sure no one was looking
<roxylucy> and i looked at it and it was just fine
<hedgab> haha ok
<roxylucy> so i was like, "nope, none of it is black"
<roxylucy> and he takes off his mask and says, "can you see if my test results are back"
#59732
<Snags> Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said:
<Snags> "Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of their patients, and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go, Dave."
<Snags> But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering:
<Snags> "Dave.....
<Snags> Dave.....
<Snags> Dave, you sick bastard
<Snags> You're a vet."
#53719
<ducklord> my finest moment in the army was due to mc hammer
<ducklord> I was on patrol
<ducklord> and we met some other soldiers
<ducklord> and we were chatting, talking about army stuff
<ducklord> and I yelled out, "hammertime", did my dance, then said "moonwalk" and did a retarded moonwalk around a corner
<ducklord> those guys never talked to me again
<@rp> Hahah.
<ducklord> serves them well for trying to make meaningful conversation
#86099
<nazgjunk> <oohal> Phate, problem is that you don't really have access to porn in the shower <-- you need porn to jack off?
<nazgjunk> o.O
<oohal> it just helps
<Phate> nazgjunk, i was going to reply "It helps having the shower located next to your parents room who frequently have sex" but thats wrong =\
#305949
<@Profane> my right hand aches
<@Profane> from using the touchpad for hours
<@Profane> >:(
<@Profane> stupid fiddly powerpoint
<@Riocaz> Yea "touchpad"...
<+goat> "powerpoint"
#7598
<Felix1> lud, as a 'gag' somebody set our air con on 44 degrees
<Felix1> brother is on the critical list, We lost Mum on the operating table, Dad never regained consiousness and our dogs corneas melted down her face
#310342
< cbreak> if the C++ committee was lead by Microsoft's Excel team... auto would be called car in the english version of C++.
#260967
Dexi: so..... I got a black eye at work today...
Grim: haha how?
Dexi: you know how in cartoons when someone steps on a rake, it comes up and hits them in the face?
Dexi: yeah that really happens.
#294698
<@Rjx_> the hairiest guy I know is turkish
<@Rjx_> he shaved his stomach one day and found out he had a six-pack
<@Rjx_> and was really happy
#45431
<Aven> A simple Google search of "My Unit" is good for many laughs.
<Aven> "What do I do if I cannot find my unit?"
<Aven> "My unit broke twice in a year!"
<Aven> "My unit is deploying."
<Aven> "Why is my unit "louder" than an identical model in a friend’s house?"
<Aven> "My unit is making a humming noise. Could it be the compressor?"
<Aven> "My unit is working fine; do I really need to stop using it?"
<Aven> "I suspect that my unit became overheated and now will not run."
<Aven> "Will my unit work in bad weather?"
<Aven> "This is not the exterior of my unit, but it is part of the same development."
<Aven> "What happens if I designate my Unit as public/private?"
#310225
<Proview> holy shit i'm tired of doing people's programming homework
<Proview> every fucking day its something new
<Proview> what happened to people who genuinely wanted to learn
<Proview> and try and figure it out
<GargajCNS> Proview: those people made successful projects and now the people whose homework you're doing want in on the cake
<GargajCNS> nerd kid goes to school, gets made fun of, people think he's an idiot, creates company, cashes millions, people still think he's an idiot but hey he made millions so that whole progurming stuff cant be that hard right?
<GargajCNS> and voila
<GargajCNS> app store.
#29503
<Lippizanr> agh, my professor asks hard questions
<DJ-Pyro> sleep with him, much easier than doing actual work...and less painful
<Lippizanr> its a her.
<DJ-Pyro> sleep with her, much easier than doing actual work...and less painful
#9936
* Beerbaron oils up the chainsaw and sharpens his axe
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#299847
<nathan> What's so offensive about meatspin
<tonyb> Its one of two things
<tonyb> Either the ugly font
<tonyb> Or the spinning penis
#11713
<Cl0ckwork> i hate it when explorer crashes, losing my system tray, and irc is minized to it
<\slick> I hate when I kick a dog and then the owner see's me and I have to kill him