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#85
<matt> you could fit a carrot up that nose
#2354
(nexxai) you don't know pain until you try and compile eggdrop on a 486
(nexxai) each line goes by, and you cheer because you weren't sure if it had frozen or not D;
#297080
<Pryoidain> I had this terrible sinus infection once, all the mucus, the works
<Pryoidain> Well at some point, between all the antihistamines, I thought it'd be a brilliant idea to snort a crapton of Instant coffee.
<Pryoidain> Now for those of you who don't know, ANY moisture will turn instant coffee, into actual coffee.
<Pryoidain> I became a human percolator for like, an hour an a half.
<asaph> ....You need to do one of those "This is what happens when you do drugs" commercials.
<asaph> Half the country would go sober 24 hours after it hit air.
#5590
*** Joins: lick_me_man (sss@202.146.243.202)
<@splicer|work> lick_me_man: <-- one of the lesser known superheroes
#27889
<ParadoX> lol my friend just said he stole a bong from this guys house, but from how he described it, it's a penis pump
<ParadoX> he said he put his mouth to it, and it smelled funny
<ParadoX> HAHAHA
<Phucker> Owned.
#7301
<HA|MI-Edam> I read about this guy, and he was having sex with a girl, and his, you-know-what sorta like, spontaniously combusted
<EvilMonkey> ...
<DrWoody> Started on FIRE?
<MI-Edam> no, exploded
<MI-Edam> They say it was under so much pressure or something
<DrWoody> AHHHHHHHHH
<EvilMonkey> wt im never having sex!
<Suzie> your missing out
<EvilMonkey> missing out on having my mangina explode?
<EvilMonkey> no thanks
#88
<Infe> but if i ever hit a deer with my car i'll be damned if i don't try to finish it off, i'll need the food after all my money is fixing the car#@$#@
#52916
<Scythe-> so
<Scythe-> i got sick of my compyboxen crashing
<Scythe-> due to (i suspect) an overheating video card
<Scythe-> so i pulled it off, pulled the heat sink off, scraped off the stock heat conductive goo and put on some propper stuff
<Scythe-> so now i'm waiting to see if it's going to crash
[19:04:33] <Scythe-> or explode into flame
[19:07:33] * Scythe- (~hahaha@Scythe-.engineer.gamesurge) has quit IRC (Ping timeout)
<ari> I'd say explode.
<ari> That was what, 3 minutes?
Comment: Kaboom
#32814
<Capaneus> I'm still on "Learn FreeBSD in 24hrs" and I've been reading it for a week.
#1673
<LkTrout1> enex's underwear is big enough to fit over Hatter's ego.
#50229
(NES) I'm thinkg we should buy the condoms in bulk from costco
(Emmers) I won't need any *grins*
(NES) you're good at pulling out?
(Emmers) I'm a girl.
(NES) wtf
#310258
< cyberdog> so there are a few holes in watchdogs
< cyberdog> you can 'prevent crimes' by pre-empting them using some bullshit minority report hacking anonymous #wearelegion thing, but when you prevent it, it counts as a victory condition no matter what happens
< cyberdog> so the half hour police chase beforehand, the hundreds of thousands of pounds worth of damage caused, the fact that i arrived on the scene by crashing through the outside area of a restaurant and killed 75% of its customers, and then the fact that i blew both the perp AND the victim away by accident doesn't matter
< cyberdog> perps down, you're a hero
< cyberdog> and then you can stealth in cars to avoid detection, yet it doesn't seem to matter whether the car has doors or not
< cyberdog> hes just sort of slumped in the seat in plain fucking view
< cyberdog> its still entertaining though
< cyberdog> it's a bit like hackers in that it's silly but still enjoyable
< nukes> ahem
< nukes> hackers was not silly
< cyberdog> no that's true. every time i send an email 1s and 0s fly around the room and i surf down a 90s tidal wave wearing an augmented reality headset :P
< nukes> that's not augmented reality, that's lsd
#29246
<outlawpoet> building your own girlfriend is not masturbation unless you can accurately predict her actions
#154662
<tgies> my mom stopped saying that we should shoot all illegal immigrants because she saw a video on the news of a guy jumping a fence and then making the signum crucis
<tgies> that's pretty fucking funny
<tgies> they all deserve to die until such time as we have conclusive mom-reviewed evidence that some of them are catholic
Comment: #animutation on wgiowrb.dyndns.org:6660
#54993
< DMM> that reminds me of my favourite sorting algorithm
< DMM> rearrange the objects randomly using a quantum random number generator, then test to see if they are sorted. If not, destroy the universe.
< DMM> in linear time you will produce an ensemble of universes in which the objects are sorted
< zem> ooh
< zem> truly a universal sorting algorithm
#49854
<circusbred> my first time was horrible
<MK|AmericanRetard> lol
<Athlete> my first time was with a bitch of a tease and now i wish i hadn't
<circusbred> i wouldn't wish that on the 'right girl'
<MK|AmericanRetard> ROFL
<Athlete> cus we fucked for like 15 mintues and just as it were getting good
<Athlete> she stopped and started laughing
<MK|AmericanRetard> AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
<circusbred> ohhh
<Athlete> fuckin bitch
#311003
<manderson> I decided to surprise visit my mom for thanksgiving.
<manderson> She answered the door and asked, "can I help you?" and looked confused.
<asterick> hah
<manderson> Yeah, then it all went downhill.
<manderson> It took less than 5 minutes before she asked me to fix her computer.
<manderson> You haven't seen me in two years and *that* is what you want?
#16134
<@n30> my "m" key is broken
<@renetiq> evidently.
#25144
<Ebony> Did anyone else realize that the media-dubbed "The War Against Terrorism" comes out as "TWAT"?
#242212
<&tgies> I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you.
<&tgies> Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to wallstreetbailout@treasury.gov so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds.
Comment: #animutation on wgiowrb.dyndns.org:6660
#12029
<BlakMajiK> my dad said "we need to get ready for this y2k bullshit, i'm gonna fill the fridge in the basement full of beer"
#15728
<marcus> hahah. these guys have a dedicated oracle server... an e3500 with 4
cpus and 4gb of RAM
<marcus> they've had it for 2 years now
<marcus> doing nothing but oracle
<marcus> with oracle configure to use no more than 128MB of ram
<marcus> and recently they've been complaining about performance
<marcus> they thought maybe they needed more memory
<marcus> i was like "uhhh. your dataset is smaller than physical ram"
#2095
<JDigital> We need our own Dance 4.14 bot.
<JDigital> *Dancer
<MrSede> A dance bot..?
<MrSede> Do a random Kirby dance every few minutes?
<MrSede> ..while telling the weather
<Brentai> <(^_^<) (>^_^)> It's fucking hot!
<MrSede> Forecast for today will be cloudy [*bust a move*] with a slight chance of [*booty shakin*] rain
<MrSede> If the weatherman were more like that I'd watch the News more often
#3373
<Wes> While most dudes go day-to-day waiting for sex to happen, the sex offenders go out and MAKE it happen.
#3556
<IceHeartX> we had geekporn.com like, years ago
<IceHeartX> we gave it up 'cause we didn't actually have any hot geeks