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#150314
<Sam> Coding in C is like sending a 3 year old to do groceries. You gotta tell them exactly what you want or you'll end up with a cupboard full of pop tarts and pancake mix.
#301502
Bob: Just got a call from my mother to tell me that my "last remaining uncle died today". I said "last? I thought there were two left?" To which, she said, "Oh, [he] died last month. I thought I told you."
#1455
<KMFDM> Your rank out of 1918856 total users is: 411951st place
<bocz> aha whats that for
<bocz> a beauty contest?
#280259
kingdamian42 : My dad bought a PS3, right(god knows why)
kingdamian42 : I put in a regular dvd to watch.
kingdamian42 : It doesn't recognize it as a music cd, or a game cd. So it thinks, "Oh this must be blueray".
kingdamian42 : It brought out the big laser, guess who has a hole in his dvd.
Greyejoy : BWAHAHAHAHAHAAH
#32616
<double_a> everytime I check in here its like a doctors office waiting room..........silence
* Mayseth coughs
<double_a> *sound of magazine page turning
#33705
<rgreene> she's depressed for one reason or another and refuses to do anything about it, which trickles down into every facet of her life
<aliensex> rgreene: get the brick man and put her down like a cow.
<rgreene> alien: i happen to care about her...
<aliensex> rgreene: exactly.
#53719
<ducklord> my finest moment in the army was due to mc hammer
<ducklord> I was on patrol
<ducklord> and we met some other soldiers
<ducklord> and we were chatting, talking about army stuff
<ducklord> and I yelled out, "hammertime", did my dance, then said "moonwalk" and did a retarded moonwalk around a corner
<ducklord> those guys never talked to me again
<@rp> Hahah.
<ducklord> serves them well for trying to make meaningful conversation
#29187
<niteshade> it's called ucontrol
<niteshade> I'm just chatting with one of the people that did a bit on it
<niteshade> will tell him
<snax> what does it do, kill caps lock?
<titikaka> it lets you reassign keys
<snax> cool
<snax> fast?
<titikaka> yes, it's fast
<niteshade> snax: does lots of other things
<niteshade> had this thing that lets you type with a one hand.... until the lawyers for a commerical patent made them stop it
<danamania> masturbating has been patented?
#192
<Quan> they speak "texican"
#27396
<COL_Stele> oh damn... sat on my cat. brb
#36313
<@root66> i used to be high on life
<@root66> then i developed a tolerance
<@root66> before I knew it
<@root66> instead of seizing the day
<@root66> i was seizing 3, 4 days
<@root66> even a week
<@root66> just to cop the same buzz
Comment: #maddox on WhatNET, while discussing LSA
#306481
<rorski> You know how Ctrl-a-d detaches a screen session? I just accidently ran that in Outlook... which selected everything in my Inbox and deleted it.
#416
<McAnarchy> people live in utah??
#246997
<Annie> Vagina ^_^
*Annie (~Annie@Annie.Annie) has left #plott
<Golvmopp> o.o
<Golvmopp> A GIRL WAS HERE
<Golvmopp> A GIRL WAS HERE
<Some> What is a girl? :o
<Golvmopp> I read about them in a magazine
<Golvmopp> They are like us, but they like horses.
Comment: #plott on Rizon
#13726
<Sumez> I must admit having two functional penises must have it advantages
<Darth-Phenom> You could fuck a woman and piss at the same time?
<Yolkhead> Would you really want to pee while having sex?
<Sumez> You miss to see the opportunities
#298065
<Trivia> A group of these is called a crash.
<Lenny> idfk. geese?
<el_dulzor> Asian drivers?
#44810
Bronxalicious> Best thing ever just happened
Bronxalicious> I'm cleaning up my room cause Brent's coming over with his comp right
Bronxalicious> But it's fuckin hot
Bronxalicious> So I take off my pants
Bronxalicious> and I'm just there in boxers vacuuming up thinking no-ones gonna see me
Bronxalicious> next thing my dad walks in, and i'm standing there with the vacuum cleaner and only boxers on
Bronxalicious> and my dads just :|
Bronxalicious> so me not thinking about what hes thinking about im like "hey you want a turn, im bored of this."
{[ Hman> LMFAO
Bronxalicious> and he just keeps staring
Bronxalicious> then walks off without saying a word
Bronxalicious> and then i suddenly realise that the vacuum cleaner is suspiciously near my crotch
Bronxalicious> so my dad now thinks i have sex with the vacuum cleaner
#14232
<sWampy> he should have had anikin walk in on jarjar doing portman, and that be the reason that anikin turned so dark, and jarjar being luke and leia's father would explain a lot about why they were so dippy to have such a strong father.
<clemmy> but why would darthvader tell luke he's his father then?
<sWampy> just to confuse him so he could cut off his hand, plus he's in denial that his wife would cheat on him with jarjar.
<clemmy> I guess luke would be more shocked to find out jarjar is his father
<Harekiet> darth vader still had some good in him so he didn't want luke to know
#2514
<steve|zzz> i had this dream
<steve|zzz> i was beating off
<steve|zzz> and my penis was circumsised
<steve|zzz> and it was so big i could use 2 hands
<steve|zzz> best dream i ever had
#3132
<sQuEeDeN> so much homework
<Joshua> shoot yourself in the shoulder and tell them you had to go FIGHT THE WAR ON TERRORISM! instead of doing useless homework
<shift> ass
#10890
<gldnmean> I always thought "The sound of one hand clapping" would be good zen masturbation slang
#5621
<Straylight> aw3some
<Straylight> oops
<Straylight> haha... i accidentally l33ted
#7070
<Joe_> The word "gun" has been replaced with "Poppinfresh Poke" in all of the history books. Didn't they cover that on the news?
<Joe_> Lemme get my book
<Joe_> The M-1A, the standar issue Poppinfresh Poke up until the Korean Thumbwrestle.
<Joe_> Then, at the advent of the Vietman Squardance, the new standard issue Poppinfresh Poke was a modified version of the old, named the M16a, or as the soldiers called it: "Hoo hoo!"
#9501
<AgentSmith> It seems you have been leading two lives, Mr. Anderson. In one life, you are Robert Anderson, assistant cook at a Jack in the Box in Mesquite....in the other...you go by the chat alias "Randerson"...spreading homosexual propoganda, lying, and being a generally immature pest...
<AgentSmith> One of these...has a future.
<Randerson> LMAO OMFG where's the phone, I have to tell Dean about this
<AgentSmith> How can you use the phone when you cannot...speak?
*** AgentSmith sets mode: +m
#15770
<tober> I actually did the math once, and it's improbable that a million monkeys with a million typewriters (one typewriter per monkey) that all type at the rate of a good typist 24/365 would ever produce the collected works of shakespeare before the heat death of the universe. So there.