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#80875
<%FreePlay> they seriously think that the Bible can answer every single goddamn question you ever have
<%FreePlay> I say, fuck that
<%FreePlay> if you want to limit your god to a single book, be my guest
<%FreePlay> go ahead and place limits on God, you arrogant know-it-all pricks
<+acme64> even lord of the rings was 3 books
#9031
<DJTodd> My sister in law once asked me if it counted as sex if she fucked some guy but didn't kiss him.
<DJTodd> She's a real brain.
#307608
* Lawrence yawns. "Napping then poker tonight."
<runrunner> fap poker
<Fritz> Fapoker
<&Ashilstraza|Raveness> how does one play fap poker?
<runrunner> kind of like strip poker
<Fritz> If you have a good hand, you win
#297312
<@FlopSter> sometimes i wonder what type of product research one does when manufacturing love dolls
#8511
<dr_rotcod> i wonder if my life sucks cause i jerk off after i pray
#55591
Mattias: i still say i get a siren and tie it to my belly and get some deeeep pocket pants full of change. Then i walk past a hobo on the street and when he asks me for some spair change i am going to put the siren on and start throwing change at him yelling " YOU WON THE JACKPOT"
#218226
joe9512357846: Its bad when I turn down porn to read quotes...
VollerRoterMond: yeah
joe9512357846: is that why people have dual screen monitors...?
VollerRoterMond: possibly.
VollerRoterMond: you have to train your eyes to look at one screen each
VollerRoterMond: and then your body to laugh and orgasm at the same time.
joe9512357846: lol
joe9512357846: thats pretty awesome...
VollerRoterMond: I'm pretty sure its part of some buddhist religion
joe9512357846: wait - you mean to tell me I have to trick my body into thinking it's actually doing two things at once? Dude we all know how hyperthreading went!!
VollerRoterMond: a skill known only by monks who have been studying the science for their entire life.
VollerRoterMond: I think they're called IT guys or something
VollerRoterMond: fuck... did we both just turn that into nerd jokes?
#95752
<mongrethod> the highschool journalism website i run gets 50k hits monthly
<mongrethod> and I was really happy about that
<mongrethod> until I looked at our search keyphrase hits
<mongrethod> top category that wasn't "other"
<mongrethod> "Paly Boy"
<mongrethod> My school is named paly
<mongrethod> so I was thinking
<mongrethod> hmm thats odd
<mongrethod> then it hit me
<mongrethod> rearrange the a and the l
<mongrethod> I haven't had the heart to tell my staff
#14692
<ShoeFlip6058>: I made this screenplay where a serial killer goes to random victims houses, goes into their bedrooms, and screams "DON'T WAKE UP" in their faces while they sleep. The wake up, see him, and they die of fright
<ShoeFlip6058>: I would cast Christopher Walken as the killer
<Claypeople>: Dude, if i saw christopher walken in person I'd die of fright
<Jenova>: He's a scary mofo
#17347
<kinzillah> I'm going to build a random number generator that works, it will be a small mechanical device that shakes dice and then reads what number came up, then we will have real random number in computers, none of this seeding with the timer shit.
#53836
<NPR> HEY
<NPR> NICE HOUSE
<NPR> BE A REAL SHAME IF SOMETHING HAPPENED TO IT
<NPR> YOU NEED PROTECTION IS WHAT I'M SAYING
<NPR> "OOPS" INSURANCE
<NPR> THE SORT OF PROTECTION THAT ONLY A PUBLIC RADIO SERVICE CAN OFFER
* NPR knocks over your lamp
<NPR> OTHERWISE ACCIDENTS HAPPEN
<NPR> YA FOLLOW!?
#29290
<pupkick> baby's doing great
<pupkick> took him 39~ hours to have his first pee, but hot damn did he fill that fucking diaper, gown, and all
#33787
(Deranged): I fell asleep on the couch watching TV last night, and when I woke up at 4am, I had a hard on. I looked at the TV, and a Girls Gone Wild special was on. It was like it was meant to be.
#160946
<@Blode> do you like the sonnets?
<Shakespears_sisters> whats that lol
#13605
<SarahS> With my large internal capacity to hold water, and your creative igeniuty, we can rule the world!
#309615
< froggey> ALARM!!! SENSIBLE DESIGN CHOICE SPOTTED IN PERL!! DANGER DANGER DANGER!
#7942
(Boobs4L): i am not racist, i own a color TV
#1678
<SEoD> ooooh, my mac is gorgeous
<SEoD> it's so expensive and see-thru
<Xlord> sounds like some women I know
#29312
<zenaphex> Hmm. I don't think my mom has SATA. It's a Asus A7N8X.
<zenaphex> err :P
<zenaphex> mom=mobo
#309641
ttvd: i can dress my roomba in french maid outfit
ttvd: sadly, probably not the oddest thing i have done
Comment: EFnet
#21815
[ak_] I'm moving to linux
[ak_] good bye cruel world!
#18478
<Mr_sLacKeR> were do i find crosshair files and were do i instal them too?
<Jade-> the internet and your computer
#18733
ShidouK: That was about as funny as putting myself through a woodchipper.
Rann XXV: Depends on why you put yourself through the woodchipper.
#305381
<Dragonshadow> Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, write on walls, and get poked by people you don't know.
#39849
<@psych0sys> i hate those questionable farts where your not sure if your about to experience relief or a massive stream of molten shit