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#54804
Evil Vaccum: have to figure out who I should invite, then
Evil Vaccum: this brings up an interesting problem
Evil Vaccum: who are my friends?
scythen32: your monitor, your keyboard, and your tower?
Evil Vaccum: pretty much
#51343
<wils0r> I was hearing about that guy
<wils0r> Jude Law or whatever
<wils0r> he has the best life ever
<loko> cuz hes fuckin the nanny or why
<wils0r> he fucked the nanny, and then his hot ass wife took him back, made him make up a list of all the girls he fucked
<wils0r> and now he is in trouble because he inadvertantly left kate moss off the list, who he had a 3some with
<wils0r> so wtf
<wils0r> does life get better than being able to forget about a 3some with kate moss
#24437
<dooder> whats the quickest way to make a woman orgasm
<Ferrus> Who cares.
#49878
<Victorian_Skunk> Is there a new virus going around? My Windows has suddenly changed to another language! I think it's Croatian.
<Dan> You Got Serbed!
Comment: #rpgnet
#56138
<CantOutRunADuck> man i wish i had a little brother so i could play with Transformers without looking like a tool
<bored> you'd still look like a tool
<iGuy> i think the fact that you are a tool makes you look like a tool. having a little brother just means you have company in the toolchest
#15444
<Mug> ncencence
<Deke> i think you mean unceunceunceunce
<Deke> if you're going to be an unce'ing wanker, at least do it right
<Hiroechan> unce?
<Hiroechan> unf?
<Hiroechan> you aussies have got all sorts of weird noise sounds
<^WaR^Zzz> wtf is unce :)
<Deke> unce is the noise a wog's car makes as it drives past
<Deke> the techno bass beat
<Deke> "unceunceunceunce"
<Deke> nothing like unf
<Hiroechan> heh
<Hiroechan> i was going to suggest: Universal Noise of Cock Eating
<Deke> lmao
#29167
<Digga> they're all shit in my....WHAT THE FUCK?
<Digga> it sounded like someone just tried to kick the door in
<Digga> brb
<Digga> i open the door
<Digga> someone's lying there
<Jiggaboy> wtf
<Digga> they came to deliver a pizza leaflet
<Digga> tripped up the step
<Digga> smashed into the door
<Digga> and fell over
#305477
<rd8t> i asked her to log in with her account...she asked if she users her own password or do i give her mine
#79451
[@TheWickerMan] I'd wear white ipod headphones and hook it up to my shit walkman
[@TheWickerMan] then I would walk through the ghetto and look at all these people gathering around like they're going to jack me
[@TheWickerMan] that's when I pulled out the walkman
[@TheWickerMan] and they'd take pity on me...some guy even offered me a buck...
#8537
<jackal-> someone guess what my cat will type when i drop it on my keyboard
<jackal-> hello i'm a very intelligent cat, save me from my cruel master and free me from this prison
<jackal-> omg
<jackal-> bad cat
#301921
<dhar> you know how I started work at that Italian restaurant last week?
<Curris> yeah
<dhar> it's called Ristorante Tiberian and I never the Command & Conquer reference until I had this customer in
<dhar> he came in wearing a t-shirt with a red logo on it
<dhar> and when I served him he said "praise kane"
<dhar> I was so confused, I thought he was like some religious nut
<dhar> when I delivered his food I noticed the logo on his shirt was the NOD logo
<Curris> hahaha
<dhar> I almost dropped his plate cos I was laughing so much
#305532
<ana> i lied to hypno last night about contractions
<ana> but he is handling everything with calm
<ana> so he kept eating while looking at me
<ana> and i couldn't keep it serious for long enough
<ana> he said he will never believe me again
<Ultali> ana do they not have the story about the preggers girl who cried wolf in Romania?
<ana> yes we do
<Elleo> in Romania wolves are traditional midwives, so it has a whole different interpretation
#3351
<Wes> Anything good coming on TV tonight?
<kolby> maybe nWo will return
<Wes> Anything good that doesn't involve dudes in their underwear slap-fighting so they can get a new belt to wear to the Gay Pride Parade?
#102424
<Maneko> what doesn't kills you only makes you stronger.
<Kojispruke> You have obviously never had a limb ripped off by a bloodthirsty shark.
#8488
<dr_rotcod> he's an ex marine and i was drunk so i said, "alright marine, kill me with one touch!"
<hakan> holy shit. wrong thing to say
<dr_rotcod> and all the sudden i was in some weird hold having my shoulder ripped apart
<dr_rotcod> and then i fell on the ground laughing/crying
<hakan> did it break??
<dr_rotcod> he looked at his hands and went, "oh my god! the demons of the american military have shone through and i am hopeless!! HOPELESS"
#30455
<vermifuge> so i have this girl in bed
<vermifuge> and her friend texts her
<vermifuge> to say shes pregnant
<vermifuge> colossal 21st century cock-blocking
<jube> YOUVE GOT LIMP
#61394
<Retro> ok so this morning my friend brings in a huge tub of peanut butter
<Retro> crunchy style
<Retro> and says he'll give me 20$ to eat it all
<Retro> two hours later, I had twenty bucks and diarrhea
#300892
<abiff> I don't like beer in cans
<abiff> That's why I drink it
#3158
<aNuBiS-> RaMTuFF: You should know better than to drive under the influence of a hard-on
#10732
<Locke> Thats three nights in a row I've been awake and glanced at the clock and seen 3:14 and thought "Hahaha, it's Pi Time. Man Pi Time, how lame, I can't believe I thought that"
#302761
< sklnd> i was an intern at jpmc for two years
< sklnd> i lost like 50 million dollars one day in intra-bank funds
< sklnd> by fucking up a ftp upload
Comment: #cobol
#5823
<mendel> now that I think of it, O'Reilly is to a system administrator
<mendel> as a shoulder length latex glove is to a vetinarian.
#265316
xskycrasherx: ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: BLACK PRESIDENT
#210938
<ddubb> if there is no local area ID found, drop the load data.
<ddubb> or, in code form:
<ddubb> if (!getLAid()) dropLoad();
<ddubb> line 525 of software that ships tomorrow.
<ddubb> my work here is done.
#311083
<@DigDug> in russia you're now going to get fined for sharing instructions on how to use a vpn or otherwise avoid the countrywide firewall
<@|silicon> apt-get install openvpn
<@|silicon> bam
<@|silicon> :o
<@normod> shut up |silicon, you'll get fired
<@|silicon> fired from what?
<@|silicon> please don't say a canon into the sun
<@DigDug> |silicon: that will be 50000 rubles
* normod furiously pushes backspace
<@DigDug> STOP RESISTING
<@|silicon> is that a gay couple kissing and dumping vodka into street?
* |silicon runs