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#29019
<@michael> i think what we all want to know, orion, is whether the ice cream truck hit the kid
<@orion> unfortunately not
<@orion> it was just some kids screaming after the missed creamy treat opportunity
#13487
<Zeratul-SK> Cello, I'm tired of you in the top of the users list. :P
<Cellosoft> zer, I'm tired of you on the User list
#32695
<Crazy_Lekker_Ding> we're talkign about sex (no big deal at my work) and he pops in and he says this "mmm i like to give them girls golden showers...", after that we were both like "........", and he knew he said something wrong and left .
<ZestyO> ...
<White_Anomaly> strange people on this planet
<White_Anomaly> :(
<ZestyO> indeed
<Crazy_Lekker_Ding> yes very
<Crazy_Lekker_Ding> i didn't know half of the sick things i do now until i got on the internet :(
<Crazy_Lekker_Ding> my poor soul will never be pure again :(
#21554
Motorbreath151: I love
TheOffspring326: what?
Motorbreath151: oh sorry
Motorbreath151: forgot to finnish my sentence
Motorbreath151: I-KIRJAIN lempiä ilakoida televisio kisat
Motorbreath151: there we go
TheOffspring326: what the fuck
Motorbreath151: i finnished it
Motorbreath151: stupid
Motorbreath151: finnish is a language
#299781
Hobbesy: Ghost, this is an intervention
Hobbesy: You're obviously a raging alchoholic
Ghostrider: No I'm fine
Ghostrider: why?
Hobbesy: No Ghost
Hobbesy: It has to stop
Ghostrider: *sigh*
Ghostrider: where did I post?
#443
<VicViper> dorm = jail cell with internet
<SYch0> w/ fast internet
#54312
<markos_64> GreyKnight: any idea on what to do with a router that screams on contact with holy water?
<markos_64> it seems to have real fun dropping, duping, or delaying my packets
<GreyKnight> Carefully open the cover
<GreyKnight> Poke inside with a screwdriver
<GreyKnight> Dodge any sparks and/or angry ancestors
<markos_64> Bob already suggested that i use a hammer
<GreyKnight> Then, replace the cover
<GreyKnight> and very very carefully
<GreyKnight> sell it on eBay to some poor sucker and buy a new one with the proceeds
<markos_64> shut the fuck up. i already bought it on internet auction.
<markos_64> i'm not going to ever do it again.
<GreyKnight> See? It worked for the previous owner.
#13359
<TrivBot> Question 3. A man's beard grows fastest when he ______?
<_Cozmo_> shaves it
<emul8or__> shaves
<RatAway> jacks off
<TrivBot> Here's a hint: antici
<Rjx> anticipates sex
<TrivBot> Rjx got the answer: anticipates sex. In: 5.7secs.
<Rjx> wtf?
#68591
MotaStorm: So my buddy came out of the bathroom at Taco Bell
WC`: Oh shit
WC`: He survived?
MotaStorm: And just to freak out the girl behind the counter, he asks her, "Why is the guy on the picture on the bathroom door wearing a dress?"
#54006
Schkirpow: So the other day at the grocery store, I got a fantastic idea
Enervine: What was that?
Schkirpow: Well, I got a huge shopping cart full of stuff I needed
Schkirpow: Then hid the cart behind some of those cardboard stand things
Schkirpow: And then took 10 items at a time to the 10 item express lane
Schkirpow: And I got them bagged, put them in another hidden shopping cart
Schkirpow: Then kept going until I had paid for everything
Schkirpow: The cashier got pissed, though, and she asked me why I kept coming back to the express lane instead of going to a normal line
Enervine: hahaha, what did you say?
Schkirpow: Because I was 'in a rush'
#197639
<Flibberdy> what are the requirements in the US for a place to be classed as a city?
<Kefga_X> crime
<nsh> organised prositution
<NQM> They use the Giger scale.
#55107
<Botje> i'm waiting for vim's omnicompletion to become intelligent
<decay> omnicompletion?
<decay> what does it do?
<decay> complete on all available sources? :)
<infi> you type in #!/usr/bin/perl -w, hit TAB, and it writes your program for you
<Botje> infi: that's for vim7.43
<infi> these newfangled neural DWIM interfaces kick ass
<decay> only question left: my editor wrote the wrong program for me, what can i do?
<integral> press tab again to begin cycling through the programs
#309047
<Erasmus> Just cracked my genuine copy of Windows that kept complaining at me that it was non-Genuine. So now it's non-Genuine but at least it thinks it is again.
#50161
<Infer|NHS> Oh shite, guess I'm not applying to NHS.
<pr0fessor> why?
<Infer|NHS> Didn't read forms, need references.
<Infer|NHS> Due first thing tomorrow. So it goes.
<CiA10386> You could just make them up! :-D
<CiA10386> Put me down as an international documtarist and war corrospondant and when they call me up, I'll just start fucking screaming over the line and hang up.
#51570
<fabz> I think we need to work on our communication.. one guy is talking crap, one just goes "lol" and the other one doesn't understand what's going on
<atsleek> lol
<Nefemus> what?
#21194
[Perdition] I have broadband, but it makes me look fat
#3342
<smcn> To buy a PS2, or not to buy a PS2: that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the moral decay of selling my soul to Sony, or to never play Final Fantasy X?
#16866
<MartinBlank> I knew a guy who dressed up for Halloween as a giant penis with ferns growing around the base, and said he was dressed as a dickweed.
#10226
<True_Blue> You ever buy ribbed condoms?
<True_Blue> I always turn them inside out, I'm selfish
#101852
<@DigDug> i had all kinds of disaster dreams
<@DigDug> including one where some troll came in and changed the topic
Comment: #geekissues -> EFNet
#4077
<BombScare> i need to get my eyes lasered
<eldee> ditto.. 2k per eye though
<eldee> i'm saving my money for something i wont take for granted though :)
<enos> i don't trust that eye laser surgery yet
<enos> it'd be sweet tho to not need glasses or contacts
<BombScare> i have an aunt that had it done, she loves it
<BombScare> like 20 seconds and you can see
<eldee> BombScare: damn.. i dont even think jesus was that fast
<eldee> god bless america!
<eldee> or something
<BombScare> hah
#50085
<Asaga> holy crap, Elec's a girl1?
<CtrlAltDestroy> no, she's a girl2
<Asaga> XD
<Asaga> is anyone here a girl3?
<CtrlAltDestroy> Girl3 hasn't been released yet, still in beta stages
<Asaga> oh
<Asaga> beta testing the new version of girl?
<Asaga> Girl 3.0
<CtrlAltDestroy> It's done really good in tests, but there are still a few problems
<Asaga> I hope they fixed the Period bug
#47571
<Dweller> ever think how handy it would be to have a purse?
<Mayseth> honestly, no
<Dweller> think of all the things you could carry.. and have them with you ALL THE TIME
<Dweller> I could bring my GBA with me.. MP3 player.. a small camera.. tools..
<Mayseth> Stop trying to rationalize your gayness
#26246
<D4NG3R0U5> one time, in my science class, i had this dream...
<daenonok> dude you slept in class?
<D4NG3R0U5> in which my girlfriend (who sat a few seats away) got up, and, on her way over to me took off her top, then got on her knees and unzipped my pants
<D4NG3R0U5> yeah i slept in class, sometimes (when i decided it was time for my medication)
<D4NG3R0U5> and, bc the night before she gave me head irl, the dream was really vivid...woke up, everyone was lookin at me...
<D4NG3R0U5> then the teacher went back on talkin, and everyone turned back around...that haunts me
#28663
<jokkc> whatever
<jokkc> linux sucks ass
<Mettra> you don't even have Linux
<Mettra> by what means can you say that Linux sucks?
<Krasnaya> seriously
<jokkc> duh
<jokkc> it's FREE
<jokkc> why would it be FREE if it was any good
*Mettra falls over
<Krasnaya> oh the heathens, man
<jokkc> all the stuff is made for windows anwyay
<jokkc> duh
<jokkc> come on, people WINamp, just the best piece of media software anywhere in the world!
*Krasnaya laughs
*Mettra laughs harder
<Mettra> for one thing, jokkc - WINamp is ported to Linux already
<Mettra> and Winamp is 'FREE' just like Linux
<Mettra> dumbass
<Krasnaya> pwn3d
<jokkc> but that's beside the point
<Krasnaya> ...
<jokkc> shit
Comment: in #winamp