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#6511
<monami> this utility has a macro recording function but no loop command
<monami> so i record a macro, and then put a stapler on the keyboard to hold the button down
<monami> and go have coffee
<monami> i note that the stapler, on the whole, is a more efficient and productive employee than i am
#306314
<OctopusRainbows>today i exposed myself for jello shots
<OctopusRainbows>just got back from gay weekend at the beach
<ME-tan>fabulous
<OctopusRainbows>there were "shots 4 hooters" and "shots 4 cocks" signs. i took advantage of both. the guys with the shots for cock sign were very very confused
<ME-tan>bwahahaha
<OctopusRainbows>poor gay guys. they did not want to see girlcock XD
<Ling>wat
<OctopusRainbows>haha exactly
Comment: Transgender support channel...
#309073
<kyre> thou shalt not lay out thine floating point in any way other than the direction specified by ieee 754
Comment: #darkplaces
#298774
<todd> so uh.. where can I get pdf files of my books for class?
<todd> ECONOMICS
<todd> Unit Price: $214.30
<todd> because that is some shit right there
<compguy> the economics lesson has started already, I see
#310017
<nardil>how do ya figure out a womams ring size without her knowing?
<nardil>can u tell by measuring her nipples?
#20972
<Heythere> i've always wanted you
<Heythere> every night, i dream of us in a prison cell
<CommanderStab> That's understandable
<CommanderStab> I've always wanted me too
#11794
<Kimmay> yeah but these are real ppl: they took me (for free) form an XT to a 386, from a 2400 to a 14.4 from a CGA to an EGA and from DOS 2.1 to 5.0 ALL FREE
<medic> and do these "real" people still use a UNIVAC?
<Kimmay> whats that?
<medic> your next upgrade.
#10508
<Xaotika> well its kinda hard to play with a ping over 200
<Acheron> whine, whine, whine... ;)
<Xaotika> actually i can manage 250 or 300
<cj_> you don't complain about your ping when you are winning :)
<Xaotika> thats because my ping is not over 300 when i am winning. DUH.
#20804
<@KaZaA> haha, elephante12 has a homeless chick for a girlfriend :p
<+elephante12> shadap
<@KaZaA> you know i'm just kidding :D
<keyb0red> hey hey, there are some advantages to having a homeless chick for a girlfriend
<keyb0red> after going out, you can drop her off anywhere!
#24907
<Nimitz> if a tree falls on a lumberjack, and there's no-one else there, does he make a sound?
<will> "Oof."
#190078
<Calgary> !calc 42/12
-Vectra[22]- ** (CALC): 42/12 = 3.5
<Calgary> !calc 53/3
-Vectra[22]- ** (CALC): 53/3 = 17.666667
<StFu145> !calc 23/0
*** -Vectra[22]- has left #CalculatorBot (connection timed out)
<StFu145> oops
#2373
* JosephKer on 2.4.14
<Snarf> exciting ;>
<JosephKer> yup! I got my kernel down to like 600k though
<Snarf> nice ;>
<^xman^> kernels below 1 mb are for pussies
<^xman^> kernels over 2 mb are for men
<JosephKer> hehe
<JosephKer> It's not how BIG your kernel is, it's how you use it!
<BombScare> sure...thats why girls always laugh at you when you pull out your kernel
<JosephKer> Then I set them straight with a good fsck'ing
#57854
<RuKK> now, as far as measuring the temp of them
<RuKK> your pain threshhold is around 65-75 celcius
<RuKK> thats too hot.
<RuKK> so - the rule of thumb for voltage regulators being - much like sex - if it hurts, it may be a problem.
Comment: #hardware on efnet
#16868
<Valkyrie> no, but Westlife is fake
<Valkyrie> Flying without wings?
<Valkyrie> PUHLEAZE
<Valkyrie> more like getting high on KFC
#298767
<aaron> you know, they once asked Snoop Dogg why he always walked around with an umbrella and he replied "fo drizzle"
<robink> aaron: Interesting.
<aaron> you don't get it, do you?
<pthree> no we all got it
<robink> aaron: It's a play on 'fo shizzle', meaning for sure. Instead, he said 'fo drizzle', meaning 'because of the rain'.
<pthree> but we'd prefer if you dropped us off for school a block away
#60772
<Vagrant|BRB> I was talking to this girl in my class about this fight she had with her brother.
<Vagrant|BRB> And she said, " I was so mad, I could of just fapped in his face. "
<Vagrant|BRB> I swear, at least five heads -- all guys, I might add -- turned to look at her. She looked confused, like she had no idea what she said.
<Vagrant|BRB> And I'm like, " ... what'd you say? "
<Vagrant|BRB> " Fap. You know. Hit. "
<Vagrant|BRB> All of the guys who turned around to look at her, me included, just sort of tittered and shared guilty glances. To this day, she has no idea why.
Comment: #FurNet
#33580
<PittGirlie> yanno almost all the guys in irc are pretty damn cute ... whats up with that?
<+fleet> Becasue we're also sociopaths
<+fleet> And we all have wierd mental problems
<+fleet> And we all smell
<+fleet> and this is the only way living girls talk to us
#3066
<CactusJack> thats exeactly it...
(putnam): i lip synced rubber ducky by ernie from sesame street in literature for a project once.
(putnam): that brought the damn house down. i couldnt believe how perverted the song is
(putnam): i danced too. and got people into it. they were clapping.
#49374
<ndonegan> arghh!! Touched a metal shelfing unit here, and a fellow walking past the office actually came in cause he saw the flash from the static shock and my body in close proximity :/
<hostyle> so you flashed some guy walking by your office?
<ndonegan> hostyle: you have a very interesting way of seeing things
Comment: seen on #linux on irc.linux,ie
#49574
scythen32: i've messed around with truly skinny chicks before
scythen32: it's just weird
scythen32: like instead of love handles
scythen32: they have notched ribs for superior grip
#1064
* r0bt3k looks at his 100 megs of mp3s
<r0bt3k> hehehe
* r0bt3k then looks at his 5 gigs of porn
<r0bt3k> hahahah
#42476
ilanbg: oh man, in school today i had to present a biography thing on aristotle, some philosopher, and we needed to come up with a slogan that'd remind us of whatever the subject, and i didn't yhave one, so I walked to the front of the class, no idea what to say, and just said the first thing that came out of my mouth
ilanbg: and it was "It's the thought that counts."
ilanbg: i got an A.
#34138
<youlepton> if they were asians, it would be r337
#25144
<Ebony> Did anyone else realize that the media-dubbed "The War Against Terrorism" comes out as "TWAT"?
#59739
Camper Man: There must have been a power outage
Camper Man: No ones online
Benbread: No, you're just unpopular