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#85
<matt> you could fit a carrot up that nose
#294688
<@malphas> I got stuck with the same prof for this linux course
<@malphas> as the last one
<@malphas> the same one who, halfway through the course, just stopped responding altogether so he could focus on his off-hours mailing list.
<@malphas> The first assignment:
<@malphas> Scenario:
<@malphas> The new CIO just transferred over from the finance department and during your first meeting says "My golf buddy was telling me about something called a seven layer model. Maybe we should get some of them for our network, What do you think?" You politly explain that the model is not a product and you will send a memo explaining what it is.
<@malphas> I'm *sorely* tempted to write mine from the perspective of a true Admin. Someone who realizes the opportunity presented here to obtain new hardware for future use.
#30175
<Wikkid|Mikkr3igN> my power went out the other day. good thing my camera had a flash. i went to make a sandwich and took 90 pictures of my kitchen.... the neighbors called the police they thought it was lightening in my house
#273721
chewypow: so when i worked at Starbucks in little rock, there was this super hot 18 year old, miss teen usa right
chewypow: she came in one day and was talking to me and told me when she was brushing her hair that morning, a lot of it came out.. she then continues to explain that she thought she had 'chemo'
chewypow: a week later she comes in and uses some mouthwash, and then swallows it. I point out to her that it says on the back if accidently swallowed to call poison control immediately
chewypow: she reads the label and looks at me and says "Oh.. it's ok. I didn't do it on accident"
muku: ...
chewypow: exactly. brain synapses stop firing when you hear this story right?
Comment: Sadly a true story
#33834
<pyro> I remember when I was younger this chick wanted me to give her a hickey but i didn't know how.. so i went on google
#31330
<Jim_McNeat> Is there like a way to put a compiler in "Just trust me on that one" mode?
#32804
<HelloKit> can anybody tell me why men find it necessary to do things like deliberately farting on the dog?!
<Steven> because they'd be killed if they did on their wife ??
#10798
<Sparky> My new years resolution is 1280x1024.
#8473
<sisko> I want to crawl up into the place I once was.
<mandi> the end of your dad's cock?
#50427
<bog2435> i wunna ask bout INVERT in msPaint -> i invert the image, save.. but then when i open it and invert it it goes backwards to the original!
<bog2435> how do i save it inverted so it can't be reversed to the original.. i want to protect my photo from steal, see!
#30631
<Lippizanr> i'd be a lesbian if i didn't like penises so much.
#230486
<OOPz> 'who had flown from American to give evidence' - the independant
<OOPz> does nobody proof read any more?
<wiseman303> no
<wiseman303> they have spell cheque!
#3416
<Nyphur> How long till Chaz gets on, roughly?
<Koji_Ishida> when hell freezes over...
* Koji_Ishida shortens the timespan... and sets the temp down in helll
*** Chaz (Chaz@va-24-30-228-82.va.mediaone.net) has joined channel #AlgolXR
<Koji_Ishida> told you lowering the temp in hell always works
* Koji_Ishida breaks off an icicle
#301489
<Anoria> but the replacement parts are coming out of a $3 camera from ebay, so maybe something weird happened to this particular screen. there were no polarizers in either of the parts cameras.
<Bunsen> Man, this is why we need mantis shrimp vision.
<Anoria> I'm simply dying to know what you mean by that.
<Bunsen> Mantis shrimp have freakishly detailed perception of light.
<Bunsen> Like several more pigments than us, plus sensitivity to horizontal, vertical, and circular polarization.
<Anoria> yikes.
<peer> what does a shrimp need with that kind of vision?
<Bunsen> Hell if I know. Ask one.
<Anoria> I know there are beetles whose carapaces circularly polarize light, but I somehow doubt they share habitat
* Anoria reassembles the camera with both polarizers in place so they don't get lost in case someone eventually figures out what to do with them
<Anoria> or not polarizers. gratings. whatever.
<Bunsen> Oh my, I had forgotten that mantis shrimp are also capable of snapping their claws hard enough to cause cavitation and sonoluminescence.
<Anoria> wtf they're physics shrimp
<Bunsen> Exactly.
<Bunsen> Put 'em in heavy water, and I'm pretty sure they'll discover fusion.
<c0nsumer> why have you not done this yet?
<Bunsen> Because I, for one, do *not* welcome our new fusion-powered optics-researching crustacean overlords.
Comment: I'm going to start a band called Physics Shrimp.
#32893
<+RageAgainsttheAmish> this incence im burning owns
<@Aunt_Jemima> that reminds me of a story
<@Aunt_Jemima> i was at my friends house
<@Aunt_Jemima> and he is a complete stoner
<@Aunt_Jemima> but his dad is a born again christian
<@Aunt_Jemima> and he was burning incense
<@Aunt_Jemima> his dad walks in the door and says in a southern accent
<@Aunt_Jemima> "son, i dont want you burning that incense. its the gateway to drugs"
#285
<BlackDeth> that was the night those gay dudes were hittin on me
<BlackDeth> and the one offered me money to go sex0r him
<BlackDeth> they prolly saw i was wrecked
<BlackDeth> and thought they could take advantage
<BlackDeth> boglins own
<ikkenai> so how much did he pay you
<BlackDeth> he didnt
<BlackDeth> he just offered
<ikkenai> oh
<ikkenai> so you did it for free
#303849
<Iridium> Alcohol is starting to fail me as a coping mechanism.
<PlanetDollar> drink more
<Iridium> Obviously that was my first step
<Iridium> but I can only drink so much before it becomes tomorrow, at which point I'm back to square one.
<PlanetDollar> smoke weed
<Iridium> I don't have the experience of smoking copious amounts of weed but I imagine there'd be a similar difficulty.
<PlanetDollar> you do build up a tolerance yes
<SentSix> I too fear that I'm going to have to start facing my problems.
<Iridium> WHOA WHOA whoa now
<Iridium> nobody said shit about facing problems
#29939
<ckjesusx> reppy poses as a elementary school crossing guard
<ckjesusx> only the other side of the street is the back of his van
#10490
<Encapsulate> I spent the last few minutes going over Liberache's online
presence.
<Encapsulate> I won't be having sex for a while.
#53733
<Volcom>How do I secure Windows XP?
<Vraxx>Trying to secure Windows is like trying to re-establish virginity in a hooker.
#8170
<Damarr> Theres a topic on my TV newsgroup entitled "I can't get it up". Do I dare enter?
<Naivete> NO
<r0gue> go for it
<Damarr> Phew, he was talking about a satellite dish
#294500
<MurderMachine> So did I ever tell you the story of how my parents met?
<DryBones> Nope.
<MurderMachine> Well, there are two versions I guess.
<DryBones> How?
<MurderMachine> The story my Mum tells is: A group of idiots pushed her over while ice skating and my Dad heroically went over and helped her up.
<MurderMachine> The story my Dad tells is: He paid a group of idiots to go push her over so he could go heroically help her up.
<DryBones> ROFL
<MurderMachine> I have been paid not to tell her.
#15572
<@:s4t4n> #christian can't join channel (channel is full)
<@:s4t4n> guess no one else is gettin into heaven!
#50951
<Como> mom brought me apple pie
<Como> in bed
<Como> no wonder dad married her
#11179
<drastic> anyone know of a program that would display free hd space for multiple drives on the desktop or something?
<ninth> drastic: you could write down how much space is free on a piece of paper.. then scan it.. and set it as your wallpaper