Random | Latest | Best | Full Site
#61687
<CtrlAltDestroy> Man, I just had quite a College Student moment
<CtrlAltDestroy> I was eating a slice of pizza, and a big glob of sauce fell onto my shirt
<CtrlAltDestroy> I looked around for some paper towels or napkins or whatever to wipe it off with
<CtrlAltDestroy> Couldn't find any
<CtrlAltDestroy> So I wiped it off with my shirt
#44810
Bronxalicious> Best thing ever just happened
Bronxalicious> I'm cleaning up my room cause Brent's coming over with his comp right
Bronxalicious> But it's fuckin hot
Bronxalicious> So I take off my pants
Bronxalicious> and I'm just there in boxers vacuuming up thinking no-ones gonna see me
Bronxalicious> next thing my dad walks in, and i'm standing there with the vacuum cleaner and only boxers on
Bronxalicious> and my dads just :|
Bronxalicious> so me not thinking about what hes thinking about im like "hey you want a turn, im bored of this."
{[ Hman> LMFAO
Bronxalicious> and he just keeps staring
Bronxalicious> then walks off without saying a word
Bronxalicious> and then i suddenly realise that the vacuum cleaner is suspiciously near my crotch
Bronxalicious> so my dad now thinks i have sex with the vacuum cleaner
#74752
<Swisho> sometimes when i see handicapped people with their hands in a really awkward position
<Swisho> it helps to think of them like they were holding a guitar
<Swisho> rocking the fuck out
#56459
<@the_unknown> watching the history channel, tis a show on "the antichrist"
<@the_unknown> just went to a commericial break with the messag
<@the_unknown> message
<@the_unknown> "The antichrist is brought to you by Lexus"
<@bockman> haha
#2795
(Matt^^^) Ok, walk up to a really hot chick and say "I bet you 20 bucks I can make your tits jiggle without touching them"
(Matt^^^) then grab her tits, give her 20 bucks and walk away
#6770
<Romhog> anyone know what an (edict 75) repeating error is in 3wctf?
<Superf0Rk> Romhog- yes
<Superf0Rk> Romhog- but i'm not telling you
<Superf0Rk> Romhog- until you comment on my nipples
<Romhog> they look like little stereo knobs ;o
#32455
<Bad_CRC> I went to the hospital today, and it's called "olmstead medical group" so the whole place had "OMG OMG OMG" all over it.
#60641
<shardz> my friend wrote a "compressor" in perl yesterday
<shardz> but instead of compressing the file, it just deletes it and replaces it with an empty file and sends the message "Oops! Compression failed!"
Comment: irc.esper.net #ednos
#8336
<Sanji> I eat people.
<Sanji> I'm a humanitarian
#27415
<Gryffon> Just how old do you think I am Quake?
<QuaKe> Gryffon, do you really want me to answer that?
<Gryffon> yeah
<QuaKe> Fine, 13.
<Gryffon> well, your off by about 9 years
<QuaKe> 4?
#80629
<joe> ugh, I need references who I've known for more than 2 years, and aren't related to me
<bung> your dad?
#34040
<+Woody```> I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" She hit me.
#1730
<Mikkel> If you went camping and you got REALLY drunk with your friend and you
woke up the next morning with a condom stuck up your ass would you tell anybody?
<Celestya> i dont think so
<Mikkel> Wanna go camping?
#36442
<Philth> Trivia-Bot v1.2
<Philth> Complete the Following
<Philth> 1) _______ ___._._._
<Philth> Hint: /_e_ve_ 1_7._.0._
<Angela> Uhh.
<Philth> Hint: /se_ver 127._.0._
<BloodSpoon> 127.0.0.1
<Angela> server 127.0.0.1
-!- Angela [~asdfg@d226-127-173.home.cgocable.net] has quit ["TrenzTerra Tornado (Seagull) - http://trenzterra.uni.cc"]
#52000
* Bringa is going through his collection of Spanish guitar music to find something suitable for DDR
<Highlander> DDR?
<Bringa> ¡DANCE DANCE REVOLUCION!
#53280
[Allies]stratus: how's everyone?
[Allies]iMmortal: im fine. feeling better than i did before. i just got off work
[Allies]stratus: things have been slow today
[Allies]Spinny: day after the holidays, everybody's busy at the retail stores returning everything
[Allies]iMmortal: yeah
[Allies]stratus: where do you guys work?
[Allies]iMmortal: UPS
[Allies]Spinny: fedex
[Allies]iMmortal: ...
[Allies]Spinny: ...
*iMmortal was betrayed by Spinny
[Allies]iMmortal: wtf!
Comment: multiplayer games....so fun
#634
<polaris> haha... mozilla rocks... I accidently clicked on horse pron on stileproject and it crashed before displaying it
#296841
MrCynical: I realized my life is truly pathetic
Josh: ?
MrCynical: I just stumbled a pic where its Geordi and Data in a shuttlecraft and Data is saying "I'm not accusing you. All I'm saying is that I can't fart" My first thought is, Data cannot use conjunctions...
#7958
<sine> "You couldn't get a stroke of genius if you were giving a handjob to Einstein."
#21411
<Dr_Ian> WHY ARE ALL AUSTRALIANS OBSESSED WITH THE APOCALYPSE?!
<ShinAkuma> i dont know?
<Bu||et> Kola says its because Kangaroo's smoke shoes
<Dr_Ian> I think its because australia would look exactly the same if a nuke it hit it
#31826
<Dj|Work> If you don't have a console, the only thing you'll know of is MotoGP
<oPless> why does pizza just go straight through me ?
<chise`> I haven't had a cup of tea or hot chocolate in 2 days!
<Dj|Work> Quick! Non-sequiter boy! To the rescue!
#49489
<evilAdmin> LMFAO... Dude, I've been reading too much bash.org... You know how I'm resigning wednesday, right?
<0_o> yah, and?
<evilAdmin> Well, I figured I'd try something. I walked into the b0sses office and said, word fo' word, Gimme a raise or I'll tell your wife everything...
<0_o> okay...
<evilAdmin> I've gone fron $22.5/hour to $26/hour...
<0_o> wtf? It worked?
<evilAdmin> Maybe I shouldn't quit after all.. I wonder how many times I can pull that before he fires me :P.
#28312
<daenonok> i remember this one time, like two years ago my girlfriend (at the time) was trying to learn me...somethen, i wasn't really paying attention, but she said
<daenonok> 'if barbie was a real woman, she'd have to walk on all fours'
<daenonok> after like a minute of thinking i was like 'that seems like icing on the cake'
#2535
<gloone> seriously, i can watch porn for like 500 hours straight and still not get bored..
<gloone> without jax0ring or anything..
<gloone> there's something wrong with me :|
#279
<gloone> internet, movies and masturbation ruined my life.
<gloone> but it also made it worthwhile