Random | Latest | Best | Full Site
#19762
<TantricJediSquizzle> Everyone wants me.
<Mal-23> You don't want you.
<TantricJediSquizzle> Prove it.
<Mal-23> Look at your cock.
<TantricJediSquizzle> Way ahead of you.
<Mal-23> Good, can you fit your mouth around it?
<TantricJediSquizzle> Yes.
<Mal-23> Then there you have it. You don't -want- you. You -have- you. Case dismissed.
#13821
<Jonathan> Hey you know what's hard? Trying to move your toes individually!
<Jonathan> I've been practicing though. My left foot's toes are almost completely independent.
<Sumez> gee, Jon, what awaste of time
<Sumez> At least spend your time pulling your penis so it gets longer or something else that's useful
<Jonathan> I have people who do that for me.
#7475
<w3nis> this bread smells weird
<w3nis> but tastes fine
<Guilty> Much like a penis
#1753
<Squizzle> WARNING: DO NOT LET DR. MARIO TOUCH YOUR GENITALS. HE IS NOT A REAL DOCTOR.
#22760
<fabutron> so we were at sonic the other day (which is a drive up restraunt like in the fifties, for those of you that don't have sonic) and we made a joke about punching the waitress in the uterus and over the little drive up radio the guy was like "we can still hear you"
#15125
<Andre> short girls with glasses and flannel jammies are cute.
<The_Frymaster> You just described Jonathan Lipnicki in Jerry Maguire.
<The_Frymaster> You pervert.
#46666
< tittyfuckosaurus> I love kidneys
< tittyfuckosaurus> not much else though, not liver or tripe or brains
< tittyfuckosaurus> or tongue
< tittyfuckosaurus> well, I like tongue, but only if it's applied to my penis
< bazzy> i'm the same with liver
#301930
<foley> I went to a convention in Ohio with a few months ago
<foley> got chatting to some girl, she was pretty hot
<foley> kinda into "neo-femenism" and shit, which was a bit of a bummer, but no big deal
<+dEk> sucks
<foley> nah, wasn't like she was a man hater or anything that severe
<foley> anyways, she kept saying "I'm sure I know you from somewhere"
<foley> and I was sure I knew her too but we couldn't figure out where
<foley> about 30 mins later she stopped mid conversation, walked over to the buffet, picked up a glass of water, threw it over me and stormed off
<foley> for no fucking reason, I was like wtf
<+dEk> wtf
<foley> on the drive home I realised where I knew her from
<foley> remember that girl I stalked for like 3 months when I lived in Washington? well guess what, it's a small world.
<+dEk> O_O
#144222
<tarepanda> My parents lived in a village called Scotland.
<tarepanda> So they named me... Scott.
<tarepanda> I endured so much teasing for so many years.
<tarepanda> Scott from Scotland went to Scotland Elementary... and our mascot was the Scotland Scottie.
<LightFang> did you let them get off...scot-free?
#73512
Retro: I have discovered how life works.
Retro: "Men: No shirt, no service"
Retro: "Women: No shirt, free drinks!"
#28805
<^Neatoo^> I'm so tired of these thieves that keep stealing my condoms.... ITs like "Hey man can i have one of your condoms? " "uhhh no..." "oh..ok *swipe*"
<^Neatoo^> Its like a fucking credit card or something
#310370
<khelp_work> hey folks
<kerin> yo
<khelp_work> hows it going?
<kerin> like it has fallen to me once again to make war against countless unmotivated shit-for-brains assholes who have dedicated every fiber of their mediocre existences to undermining everything i have striven to accomplish
<kerin> it is as though i stand alone in a howling gale of misery and uselessness
<khelp_work> so...mondays?
<kerin> yes
<kerin> you have summarized the situation nicely
#6443
<signine> "PIPE YOUR OUTPUT THROUGH THAT, BITCH!"
<far_call> "you can stick that in your pipe and awk it"
#16232
<[m1]> sup sluts
<ian_> dave where do I learn how to make 3D models of shit
<[m1]> haha dude
<[m1]> i dont know SHIT about any kind of art or about 3D
<[m1]> im a unix dork that specializes in solaris and bsd
<ian_> [m1] why aren't you out partying
<ian_> fun fun fun till yer daddy takes the t-bird away
<ian_> and all that rot
<[m1]> cuz im a unix dork that specializes in bsd and solaris?
#34572
<Rjx> when I used to play battlefield 1942 at the local LAN place I used the nick therapist killer (therapistkiller)
<Rjx> and we're playing a game and this guy shouts over to me
<Rjx> "what have you got against rapists?"
#41086
<Ax1om> i used to get high on life
<Ax1om> then i built up a tolerance
<Ax1om> i had to start living a few days at a time before i got the same rush
#57886
<Una> billions and billions of years from now, when the universe ends in the big crunch, I dont think anythings going to matter anymore
<plantlife> great pun
#7955
<weezyl> I figured I'd just fellate my students for the protein.
#265271
asrskz: Don't tell me who won the 2000 election. I have the coverage on disk but I have not gotten around to watching it. Don't spoil it for me
Alexius: hehe
asrskz: Only last week I found out that Clinton was re-elected in 1996.
Alexius: Yup.
Alexius: Wait for the next two seasons. They're really shocking!
Comment: #TVTorrents
#304473
< gordonjcp> oh deary me, someone has emailed me asking for advice on running a MUD under ax25d
< gordonjcp> yeah
< gordonjcp> 'cos individually, MUDs and packet radio aren't geeky enough by themselves
Comment: #scotlug
#3734
<tomg> old, ancient, shouldn't be used, replaced with something better
<[ric]> yeh, like the excuses I get when I am dumped
#1273
<Fakester> hmm, I wonder if Wal-Mart would ask for ID on a return...
<Fakester> that could be a problem
<Tortri> if they do, well... tell them you forgot it, take the DC back home
<Tortri> then you'll be stuck with a new dc
<Fakester> Tortri: I'm currently unemployed, I don't have $100 to waste like that.
<Tsengie> sell it to some stupid kid for 119
<Tsengie> tell him it's a ps2
#47173
Kel: woops
Kel: the account number doesn't go in the Amount box
Kel: i don't want to transfer $579835962 to account number 145
#7086
<JanetBabe> love is the answer
<Weather> What was the question?
<DulRiff> what is 6 times 9?
<JanetBabe> how many angels can fuck on the head of a pin?
#5391
tatsumio: itd be pretty neat to have a vagina somehwere on my body that I could have sex with
Oogy Boots: :O
tatsumio: and the vagina got the full orgasmic effects too
tatsumio: imagine.
Oogy Boots: and you thought I was a freak!
tatsumio: double orgasm
CyAteon: if it was on his arm or something would be really weird.
CyAteon: not only would you be having sex with your arm
CyAteon: but your arm would orgasm
Oogy Boots: LOL
CyAteon: unf unf unf unf ARGGGGGGHARARHGA <arm cramps up>