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#38357
<trekkeriii> anyone here?
<typobox43> My availability is inversely related to the toughness of your question.
#25272
<haole-writing> did you ever read my story, vampress?
<Vampress> I'm sorry I didn't get a chance yet
<Vampress> it's sitting on my nightstand
<Vampress> staring at me everyday
<Ragnarok> haole must have put a lot of himself in that story
#37768
<@Ytrrium> So i was idly chatting with this girl last year.
<@Ytrrium> She's somewhat attractive, and actually asked if i'd like to fool around with her, with becoming fuckbuddies in the future a possibility.
<@Ytrrium> At the time I didn't want that, so i said no. But on that day, she mentioned something...
<@Ytrrium> She was at the beach for a week and had gotten bad sunburn on her back.
<@Ytrrium> I found a devious plan forming in my head.
<@Ytrrium> With some planning on my part, fooling around was scheduled to occur the next day.
<@Ytrrium> Stuff happened and i was doing her doggystyle on the floor of my apartment. I waited until i was about to finish, and pulled out my cock, rammed it in her ass, and slapped her sunburn as hard as i could.
<@Ytrrium> The two black eyes and intensely painful bruised testicles were, in my opinion, very much worth it.
#64238
FFXFD: hmm, CNN has something on "the female brain"
LousyWork: is the article a ton of words that dont really say anything?
FFXFD: where every sentence contradicts the sentence before that
LousyWork: parked too close to other articles
LousyWork: halfway through it says "you arent even reading me are you"
#20155
<@kitten> oh
<@kitten> mmy
<@kitten> god
<@harb> ?
<@kitten> quarter-sized
<@kitten> spider
<@kitten> it's dead
<@harb> Good for you.
<@harb> You're one step closer to not being a fucking pussy.
<@kitten> I hosed it down with the Pine Sol, and shot it with the BB gun.
<@harb> Nevermind.
#31499
<devil`> tap tap tap
<c-rOCK> -t +f
Comment: #geekissues
#258
<subHero> Help! i just got my penis stuck in my cdrom!!1
<johndoe92> grab a kleenex and hit 'eject'
#57085
< Necr0s-> What makes a woman's nipples hard for days?
< withnail> superglue
< El^JonBen> death
< Kobi> botox
#243551
<Zabbage> I used to do drugs in the 70's.
<Zabbage> Now I don't care what the temperature is.
#301129
<Jake> I had an awesome moment in my college
<Jake> We had a video project due, and this group of wanna-be programmers were saying how theirs was so awesome
<Jake> While they weren't looking, I yelled "WE SUCK PENIS" and added it into the slide show after one of the people said "What do we do?"
<Dan> LOL
<Jake>They must have caught me
<Jake>When the day came, while waiting for the part
<Jake>One of the guy asks "Jake, what does your family do every Wednesday night?"
<Jake>In my voice, it yelled "WE SUCK PENIS"
<Jake>I should've been mad... but I was far too astounded to be mad..
#1069
<orion`-`-> what the fuck
<orion`-`-> i think the icecream truck just hit a kid
<orion`-`-> brbrb
#908
<NekkidBibleMan> Now on fox: When Naked Men Read The Bible (2)
#296105
Forggy: my kitten is almost cat sized now
CorbinFox: uh oh, better put it in the freezer then. the cold makes things contract
CorbinFox: that way you can keep it as a kitten forever!
Forggy: you can't play with my kitten anymore ok?
CorbinFox: aw :(
#4767
<aRse> dudes.. i'm not eating asparagus again for a while.. i just pissed green
#4322
<FlipTopBox> wow... spam in my hotmail inbox: "See Girls with buckets of cum all over their faces!
<Slant> FlipTopBox: Dude. Give them some credit, it's hard to balance a bucket on your face.
#295382
<Fualkner> You know, Carry on Wayward Son is one huge innuendo.
<Fualkner> "Carry on wayward son / there'll be peace when you are done"
<Fualkner> "Carry on, nothing equals the splendor"
<Fualkner> Kansas is apparently made up of chronic masturbators
<Pingly> Stop.
<Pingly> STOP.
<jabbers> You just fucking ruined that song for me.
#29554
(@Kenni) LOL DRA
(@Kenni) ffs
(@Kenni) you just made me fart in front of my girl
(@Kenni) I was laughing so hard, I couldnt keep it in
(@Kenni) and I was standing crouched on the floor
(@Kenni) and now she got all mad
(@Kenni) and told me I am gross
(@Kenni) :(
(@Kenni) Now she also said no sex
#51227
Dead Like One: You know, I've learned something from watching Episode III with Kenny.
A love revisited: Oh?
Dead Like One: "Don't mistreat droids." "Never trust a clone." "Don't make deals with sith lords."
Dead Like One: Things that will never help me.
A love revisited: Replace droids with menial laborers, clone with Catholic, and sith lords with cokeheads, and you've got some serious life lessons there.
#49809
LittleBunny32: the girl you showed me on okcupid.com has the six things she could never do without as: Sex, love, music, movies, dildo, water and air
RenaissanceGamer: i never did like people on this that took it THAT literatly
RenaissanceGamer: because food would have to be up there too
LittleBunny32: haha I'd put like oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, phosphorus, sodium, potassium
RenaissanceGamer: i have always been partial to those six myself
Comment: My friend says, "You forgot nitrogen! You'd be totally FUCKED!"
#4248
<Dark_un> monitors so dark
<Dark_un> cant watch rush hour 2
<Dark_un> can barely see chris tucker
#1607
<kidjess> If you cause me problems
<tress> u will bust a cap in me ?
<kidjess> I will chop your penis off
<tress> oh my
<kidjess> and mail it to bob
<tress> oh oh oh my
<loser`> the postage on that would be like, 2 cents
#50946
<Thuryn> i figure, carry the machine gun for business, and the rapier for pleasure
<Thuryn> but don't forget the dagger in both cases, for close quarters. and perhaps a 9mm ;)
<biform_3> i don't think we can be friends
<Thuryn> :(
#6401
<risca> how do you spell world?
<risca> as in "the whole world"
<mixie> world
#70439
<Panda-> i love irc so much more than my family
<Panda-> mainly because my grandmother doesnt recognize me
<Panda-> BUT AUTHSERV DOES!
#12045
<Lordb> me want to meet some women tonight
<godlike> me thinks women might like man more if man didn't talk like ape.