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#55184
<Jame5> A cop was waving me into a random breath test thing at the side of the road, and as I got closer he saw I was driving a volvo and just waved me on.
#3584
MrProgrmmr: I want to encode my sperms DNA with the DeCSS code, that way when I jack off, I'd be breaking the law
#308226
<Jax184> A poem in Punctuation.
<Jax184> ^<@<.@* (Hat less at less point at star)
<Jax184> }"_# | (Backbrace double base pound space bar)
<Jax184> -@\$&/_% (Dash at cash and slash base rate)
<Jax184> !( @|=> (Wow open tab at bar is great)
<Jax184> ;`+\$?^? (Semi backquote plus cash huh DEL)
<Jax184> ,#"~|)^G (Command pound double tilde bar close BEL)
#41979
<ToiletDuck> Leaving Montreal for Quebec, I decide to make a stop at one of those rest areas on the side of the road.
<ToiletDuck> As I go in the washroom the first stall is taken so I go in the second stall.
<ToiletDuck> As I sit down I hear a voice from the next stall...
<ToiletDuck> "Hi there, how is it going?"
<FTW> .....okay
<ROFLcopta> riiiiihgt
<ToiletDuck> I'm not the type to strike up conversations with strangers in washrooms on the side of the road. I didn't know what to do so finally I say: "Not bad..."
<ToiletDuck> The voice says: "So, what are you doing?"
<ToiletDuck> Talk about your dumb questions.
<ROFLcopta> ...
<ToiletDuck> I am starting to find this a bit weird, but I say: "Well, I'm just going to the bathroom, then I'm going back east..."
<ToiletDuck> Then I hear the person say all flustered:
<ToiletDuck> "Look I'll call you back, every time I ask you a question - this idiot in the next stall answers me..."
#3800
<JibberJim> what should happen to your webpages if you drop dead?
<Jumper> is this a trick question ?
#16652
<DmDragon> all my cars are haunted
<DmDragon> i had one car where the glove compartment would keep opening at random times
<DmDragon> so it opened once and i just finally said "fuck you stay open" well the car stalled out the radio turned on and off and the flashlights started flashing while the windshield wipers started
<DmDragon> so i slowly reached over and closed it.. then the car just went back to normal
#297086
< leth> gnufs: but that is already perfect, why would you need to change it?
< gnufs> leth: free software is not about perfection but satisfying your ego by modifying stuff for no reason
Comment: #gnewsense on Freenode
#160532
<+allie> I always let my son stay home whenever he wanted to, so he didn't have to ever try to fake an illness.
<+allie> He loved school. It was always a big social event for him.
<+allie> Whenever I had to go somewhere to pick him up from something, all I ever had to do was look for where the big crowd was because he'd always be in the center of it.
<+wrong> selling drugs?
#10688
<_astrOdz> you know if you shoplift , you dont pay tax
#144769
<hobblin> i had sex with a girl when i was drunk once
<hobblin> but we both remembered it
<hobblin> and we see eachother all the time
<hobblin> lets just say that she gives everyone else hugs and me high fives
#51440
<marena> ill ring the clubs and shit within a few weeks
<dux0r> i'd suggest you shit beforehand, u may explode
#54362
<raela> man today in bio when I was actually paying attention I heard the best owned story
<raela> this girl learned about blood typing and how to do genetic crosses with it
<raela> so she got all excited, went home, and found out her and her parents blood types from her mom
<raela> she then realized there was no way possible her dad was related to her
<raela> or at least, not the father
<raela> it took her awhile to get her mom to admit it >:D
#8374
<Valvados> Words cannot express just how much Joe Hisaishi ownz me
<Vicious> how about "Joe Hisaishi is gay" ?
<Valvados> YOU TAKE THAT BACK YOU THUNDERING MORON
<Vicious> MAKE ME YOU BLATHERING DOLT
#9108
<Lex> So, I support your decision to halt any imminent blowjobs with questions. :)
#298061
* em-pregnated is now known as emily`
< postscript> woha
< postscript> aborted?
#4249
<Altoid> patience, young skywalker
<DeX`> but that leia bitch wont put out!
<DeX`> shes got those huge danishes on her ears to hang onto....
<Altoid> mmmm
<Altoid> danish
<Altoid> you fuck her, I'll eat the ears
#31562
<wildboar> http://marsrovers.jpl.nasa.gov/gallery/all/spirit.html
<Wish> no colour pictures? :(
<wildboar> they can't be in color or you would realize this is actually somewhere in Nevada
#3229
* WestBeach pretends hes an earthquake and flies around the room
<WestBeach> oops
<WestBeach> i meant to type...
<WestBeach> uhhh
<WestBeach> airplane
#14711
<Snacktify> what happens if a girl who is in the olympics is going to have her period during competition?
<deltax> then they put off the 100m cunnilingus for a week
<deltax> "this event cancelled due to bad turf" etc
#3806
*** Parts: GiRLiE (~girlie@144.139.91.234)
* Xta-C sets mode: -stupid
#32385
<XanK> i dont see how WATCHING gay p0rn AUTOMATICALLY makes me gay
#30406
<iPBS> you know
<iPBS> there were billions of virus emails traveling the net last week
<iPBS> people were complainging about getting hundreds of emails in their inbox's
<iPBS> and i didn't get a single email virus
<slightly> me neither
<iPBS> whats that say about our popularity?
<slightly> :(
#1133
<homerj> a robot on Futurama
<homerj> "You know why they are using WIndows 3000 as a prison guard?"
<homerj> because it always locks up
#56799
<pritch> fwf this is the internet
<pritch> no one cares about your gf unless we see nude pix
#12115
<log> im done dling it, now i just need to pick up my new comp so i can run it properly