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#17901
<StalkerofurSoul> I only sexually harass midgets
<Bartolimis> I only sexually harrass hot chicks
<Spazz> I only sexually harrass the elderly.
#26220
<Dilbert> my dad owns a company "Incestors inc."
<Dilbert> investors*
<Dilbert> i meant
#46053
<cLoAk`top> o god
<cLoAk`top> my dad just put sexual healing on the stereo
<SU|Chupalupa> omg
<drwx> ...
<drwx> wtf?
<R|xlycer|werk> is he trying to seduce you?
<cLoAk`top> I don;t know
<SU|Chupalupa> somethin you need to tell us cloak?
<cLoAk`top> I;ve locked my door and began baracading process
Comment: #bucktoof on gamesurge
#35297
* Quits: eLe|A (~zerg@pD9520CC7.dip.t-dialin.net) (Quit: When you put 'THE' and 'IRS' together, it forms 'THEIRS'.)
#49735
<GenericLoser> What do fish smoke?
<GenericLoser> Seaweed!
#61592
<Khaos> Ok, so I was on a long, boring flight on sunday, ok?
<Khaos> the old lady sitting next to me was joking with the flight attendant, so when the attendant came to get our snack orders, the lady says, "Well, I'd have a nice sirloin."
<Khaos> The flight attendant played along, asking how she wanted that cooked.
<Khaos> As they were talking, I swear that the first thought that popped into my head was "Steak on a plane!"
<Khaos> I actually said this out loud. So now, I have a bruise on my arm from where the guy in the window seat hit me.
#16921
<[11]HannyArZ> hello, where can i buy chanserv? I will trade warez for it
#7255
<Hedge> yeah, loud music during sex really works. it's easy to keep the motion to a beat
<Kharnifex> mmmm yeah, but i'd have to get more fit to have sex again
<TRIPtych> «WinAmp» Now Playing: Funker Vogt - Word of Power (High Speed Mix)
<TRIPtych> id like to see u keep up to this hedge =p
<Kharnifex> *gets rectinol*
<TRIPtych> d00f d00f d00f
<Kharnifex> and the slapping noise of testical against ass
<Hedge> i think i saw the How To video of that
<Kharnifex> i just dloaded the pdf file
#139874
<Stueh> So you know how I started working at an all girls school?
<Stueh> Well
<Stueh> I had to see the school nurse for a checkup, as they's due at the start of term
<Stueh> She started asking me all these questions and putting it down on this form
<Stueh> and she goes "How tall are you?" and I reply "Limp or erect?"
<Stueh> She just grinned and said "limp please" so I said 178cm, then she raised an eyebrow and gigled, then asked "erect?" and I said "About 1 foot taller"
<Stueh> Then this horrified look just comes across her face, and I'm wondering, well, why is she so horrified if she edged me on?
<Stueh> Then I realised she's looking behind me... I turn around, and there's this group of year 11 students
<Stueh> I'm like "I'm talking about my height" and this one, with a big grin, goes "You grow a foot when you get a boner?"
<Stueh> "Yes I do and no you can't."
<Stueh> The nurse looked like she was going to fucking kill me XD
#1655
<JD> I, or one of my teammates, shall cause you to become electroencephalographically challenged.
Mr Brown> ill kill you
<JD> No, I like the way I say it better
#8202
<baietas> hey ppl.. quick question.. just downloaded every KDE3.0.1 RPM for my distro (mandrake) but when i try to install it it asks for some other files taht i dont have.. what do i do?
<Epesh> get those files
#7250
<yunicus> god has so many stalkers
#7839
<rob`> I mean, who would have thought that blood congeals into a pudding? :9
#20825
<noodle> i think one of my nuts got twisted in my sac today
<noodle> i would start untwisting it, but i dont know which way its twisted, so i dont want to twist it more on accident
<TremoR> that hurts just thinking about it
<noodle> ooohhh shit that was definitely the wrong way, ow
#25190
<Delidgamond> Naw, hoping it was the truth
<Delidgamond> I am the sexiest man alive after all
<Delidgamond> I mean, what woman WANT to get it on with me
<Delidgamond> fuck
<Delidgamond> said that wrong
<Malbi> no you said it correct
#32730
<@Bringa> war3 is much more rewarding.. you need to actually MATCH UP against other real opponents
<@Bringa> you develop some sort of skill
<@Bringa> and measure it with other people
<@Bringa> whereas in Diablo2 it's like penis vs hand
< Nens> lol
<@Bringa> stroke stroke stroke click click oh look I came a Grandfather.
< Nens> multiplayer masterbation is good :p
<@Bringa> Great
<@Bringa> then you get together with others and compare cumstains.
< Nens> lol
<@Bringa> Yeah it's great and all at first
<@Bringa> novelty value
<@Bringa> but once the stink sets in...
#28448
<]|-|[> that was not sarcasm
<]|-|[> I can do better sarcasm
<CommaToes> sure you can
<]|-|[> You suck at sarcasm as well, CommaToes
<CommaToes> sure I do
<]|-|[> Shut up!
<CommaToes> that's gonna happen
#104302
<Gerrit> Cannot join #real-life (Banned)
#7758
<FifthColumn> best place to pick up chicks is at the orphanage. those 18 year olds get sent out on their own with no place to go, usually
<mogismog> they're usually crazy, too, fifth
<mogismog> makes for a good time in bed
#31058
<-Porkroller-> hey, whatever produces the most result with the least labor
<-Porkroller-> is the way to god
<-Porkroller-> go
<-Porkroller-> lol
Comment: from a staunch atheist
#307039
<scoff> Look, the watermelon was being microwaved to defrost it, and I don't know how my pants fell down when I tripped but those pictures are my intellectual property
#302079
<+Toujiron> Probably best day.
<%Misty> What happened?
<+Toujiron> I have this felt super mushroom hat, right?
<+Toujiron> I wore it out today because I'm ridiculous
<+Doak> awesome
<+Toujiron> My roommate left his work boots at home and called me to ask me to bring them to him at work, because he wouldn't have time after class.
<+Toujiron> So on my way there, I go through an intersection I usually don't because I don't have a reason to go near there, and the setting sun is in my eyes, so I have no idea that there's a stop sign there.
<+Toujiron> I am immediately pulled over by a city patrol car.
<+Toujiron> The cop walks up to my window, looks at me, my hat, and listens to my speakers for a second which are playing a rainbow road remix.
<%Misty> Please tell me he broke down laughing
<+Toujiron> Without even asking me for my ID, he leans in and says, "Son, when there's a stop sign in front of you, you have to stop hitting the golden mushroom. I know it'll disappear, but it's the law, alright?"
<%Misty> Oh that's even better
<+Toujiron> Before I could even answer that he told me to drive safe and walked away.
<+Neo-Kamek> lolololol
<+Toujiron> I have never been so entertained to be caught breaking laws.
<+Doak> Best.
<+WingedBeaux> my wife just loled at that story tou
<+WingedBeaux> is there an opposite to f my life? cause that would be it right there
#34261
<Kurt> there should be a tv show "ARABS BLOW UP THE DARNDEST THINGS"
#8343
Valvados (~Draco@12.21.190.1957) is now known as Valv|Nekkid
<Valv|Nekkid> My roommate is giving me the strangest look.
#14583
*** mad-splat (~mad-splat@2-170.borcpe.cableone.net) has joined #programming
<mad-splat> @find *turbo*c++*
<mad-splat> @find *codewarrior*
<dos622> @find you*being*banned
*** mad-splat (~mad-splat@2-170.borcpe.cableone.net) has left #programming