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#67817
<Stormscape> oh man I love that alzheimers commercial. it shows an old guy bringing home a 1L of milk, then when the wife goes to put it in the fridge there's like 50 of them in there already
#31151
<ssx> Saddam's just been captured
<hoes> My dad! I cant find my dad! My god!
#1761
<MadHatter> I'm going to buy one of those stormtrooper outfits from return of the jedu
<MadHatter> jedi
<MadHatter> and ride mine through the woods, weaving through trees
<enex> and look like a complete tool
#56484
<ShakespeareFan00> Is there a list of known troublemakers somewhere?
<ShakespeareFan00> So that the relative newbies like myself can avoid them...
<zocky> ShakespeareFan00, if you're using a standard IRC client, there's a list on your right.
Comment: #wikipedia
#19765
(bigAl[work]): heh tiwanese technical support;
(bigAl[work]): "We think the PPPoE mission set has been incompleted by the router thing"
#66161
Metalcore: see, the lack of emotion i could ALMOST deal with.
Metalcore: if you know, she would ever talk to me.
Metalcore: it's like squeezing water from a rock.
Metalcore: but not just any rock.
Metalcore: like, a rock that exists in a universe that lacks the hydrogen and oxygen atoms.
#20041
<taQo> have you ever died before? man that sucks.
<Prozzy> I died before. Luckily i was in a video game, so the main guy resurrected me. I came back to life 500 times.
<Prozzy> I was Super Jesus.
#40080
<Luigi30> all commercials with women in them are the following:
<Luigi30> A) arthritis
<Luigi30> B) vaginal cream
<Luigi30> or C) weight-loss steroids
<mindspillage> D) Adult diapers.
<Austin> Don't forget feminine hygiene products.
* tinfoil (~tin@h0050180208a5.ne.client2.attbi.com) has joined #wikipedia
<Luigi30> I like making pottery
<Luigi30> that's why I use CLITORIS BRAND VAGINAL CREAM
* tinfoil (~tin@h0050180208a5.ne.client2.attbi.com) has left #wikipedia
Comment: #wikipedia
#8863
<Bikky> I've been staring at fserves so long I don't know whether I need a shit or a haircut
#309328
<Plorkyeran> comcast sure is awesome
<Plorkyeran> it seems that the reason my internet connection has been down for the last two days is that they tried to give me a free upgrade to 105/20
<Plorkyeran> and instead disabled my connection
#34090
<Drathian> does anyone know how to recover a lost sex drive.........
<PsyMar> yeah,try reformatting
Comment: #zebeth dreamIRC
#294521
<&qqhax> guys guys
<&qqhax> this is fucking epic right now
<&qqhax> so, my comcast cable box wasn't working
<&qqhax> so i went into the diagnostic menu to play with the frequencies
<&qqhax> and found the menu that lets you enable the dvr even thought i'm not paying for it
<&qqhax> so anyway
<&qqhax> i enable the dvr and reboot the box
<&qqhax> then go to the dvr menu
<&qqhax> comcast gave me a used box
<&qqhax> that has 120gb
<&qqhax> 64% of it is ppv porn.
#8368
* Valvados pulls out a random Indiana joke
<Valvados> HEY
<Valvados> Why doesn't Kentucky slide into Tennessee?
<Valvados> BECAUSE INDIANA SUCKS
#302601
snookums: today was just another first interview
snookums: she told me to go find a seat the furthest down the way.. so i'm sitting there and for 15 minutes i'm getting antsy sitting there so i start messing with my resume.. at that point i realised the third page of my resume papers was a coupon for yogurt
#310437
<TheBadSpoon> I had a dream last night that someone took control of my computer through a security exploit in mIRC because I never update it
#49757
<HonkeyKong> My dick is one inch long, and six inches wide.. They call me "pancake"
#8023
<kt> i need a job, badly.
<kt> maybe i should hang out with some black people
<kt> i mean go to the unemployment office.
#3565
<DMC[tiky]> talon: and dont get me started on your little "provicative" look in the bottom of the picture
<DMC[tiky]> look like someone put ginger ale in your vagina and you are like 'you silly little kitten'
*** DMC[tiky] was kicked by _Talon_ (God, you are so annoying)
*** DMC[tiky] (hi@pcp800792pcs.nrockv01.md.comcast.net) has joined
<DMC[tiky]> haha
<DMC[tiky]> talon is frustrated with my dmc face
#42758
< jnc> use someone else's underwear
< jnc> i mean
< jnc> bandwidth
Comment: #freematrix on irc.freenode.net
#372
<Eph> ahhhhhh tits , that`s thing I didn`t see for long now ...ahhhhhh
<honx> eph: how can you be on the internet and not see tits for a long time?
#46012
<turtlecrap> yeah soon the whole of irc will be flooder by shit dribbling
<Pen_Pen> turtlecrap must be lagged badly.
<Pen_Pen> Like six years.
#37565
(@greeneking) I started my job today...
(@greeneking) It's so easy, lol
(@greeneking) 8 hour shifts
(@greeneking) and all i do is get books off shelves and put them onto boxes
(@greeneking) the most fun part is pushing a box down one of them roller belt thingys
(@greeneking) i should shit in one
Comment: genuine typo....
#8491
<rafeil> i had a dream i had 3 penis's of varying legnth and direction
<rafeil> and 2 girls were sucking on them, but they were sucking on the numb ones. only one had feeling. it was like the head of the hydra myth
<helminthes> no.. not the numb ones.. oh god no.. {wakes up violently in cold sweat}
#299822
<^Migs^> something really weird happened to me last night
<^Migs^> So I'm just sitting up in my room, right? It's about 11:30, I'm on my laptop, and the doorbell rings.
<^Migs^> I'm like, wtf, but figure it must be a neighbor returning my cat or something dumb like that.
<^Migs^> So I answer the door, and this mentally handicapped kid just barges in.
<^Migs^> He's about 13 or so, and he's just frantically looking around. He tells me I have a nice house, wants something to eat, says he returned my cat, then gets distracted by something in the kitchen, all within about 5 seconds. The kid has an attention span of about 3 seconds.
<^Migs^> I actually recognized him from church. He has some sort of palsy, but I couldn't remember his name, so I have no way to contact his parents, and I don't have a clue where he lives.
<^Migs^> Meanwhile, the kid is just tearing through my house, asking me about everything he sees. He offers to clean my family room, turns on my wife's laptop, plays with the baby toys, asks about the Wii...just anything you can imagine.
<Biff> how did he find you?
<^Migs^> I was just the random house he picked.
<^Migs^> It took a lot of convincing and keeping him focused. But finally I get him to call his sister on the phone. He refused to call his mom, because "she was asleep" but I guess his sister was okay.
<^Migs^> So I get his sister on the phone, and get an address from her, and tell them I'll drive him home.
<Biff> he was that far from home that you had to drive him?
<^Migs^> Well, I open the garage door, and try to coax him into my car. He gets all upset over this, and says he'll just go to some other house.
<^Migs^> He was about 6 blocks from home.
<^Migs^> Anyway, he bolts out the door, and starts running down the street. So I get in my car to chase after him.
<^Migs^> Fortunately, the police were out searching the neighborhood for him, too, and they managed to catch him down at the corner, so I didn't have to go very far.
<^Migs^> They called his mom and told her where we were, so we all just hung out and waited. Apparently, it's not the first time he's done this, since the cops knew him quite well.
<^Migs^> The family locks the doors and stuff, but this time he got out through the doggy door.
<^Migs^> Best. Facebook status update. Ever.
#2222
<Turing_> this is going to sound very gay, but we were watching the discovery channel today at work where there were these sort of african olympics in a tribe when a male reaches mating age
<Turing_> anyways...the guy had to be nude and do this relay on a balance beem to appease some god
<kunio> HAW
<Turing_> it was strange because even flacid he had a penis the size of the empire state building
<orestes--> gah
<dab[afk]> ugh
<Turing_> it was mesmorizing, my secretary kept in rythym to its bobbing
<Turing_> lol
<Turing_> I felt terribly inadequate
<Turing_> I hate the discovery channel